Fifty Shades: Broken Hearted
by SusieCC
Summary: Christian Grey has the perfect life, two beautiful children. An amazing wife whom is pregnant with their third child. The love they share cannot be broken; until an unexpected visitor will bring his world to his knee's. MA rating for a reason!
1. Chapter 1: Pregnancy Hormones (prologue)

_**A/N: I have been reading Fifty fanfic's on here since I finished the books and wanted more at the end of freed. With the support and encouragement from many of those writers I have decided to finally post the story I have been writing for weeks now. I just want to give a MASSIVE shout out to Louisvuittonfreak; aka Tex Mex - you are my rock! You have given me so much of your time, help and support. You have brainstormed with me, back and forth throughout the course of writing this story, I wouldn't be where I am with it if it wasn't for you. Also, a big thank you to Trish, I can't remember your name on here, you may call it stupidity, I call it my life! Heh, I even made a joke - anyways, yes you were the first person to read my story and helped me iron out the kinks in the beginning with inconsistency's etc. And last but by no means least, to JessesGirlFinally for refusing to read it via email, which has prompted me to finally posting the story. I am so shit scared right now, but I'm 'gonna post it anyways.**_

_**Big love to anyone who reads my attempt at a story :) x**_

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I pulled into the circular drive, my heart-felt heavy in my chest. Looking up I saw my Ana, she's breath-taking, even only in a robe; her hair, a glowing halo around her sweet face. So I got out of the car with a panty dropping smile and walked up the steps as she pulled me into her arms. As she wraps her arms around my waist the guilt is eating at me, burning me with every second that she holds me. If I let the guilt show, surely that would be the beginning of the end of my marriage and that's something I never want. So I relax into her tight embrace and swallow the guilt down for the moment.

"Welcome home Mr. Grey"

"Ana, where are the kids? Shouldn't they be barging past you ready to tackle me to the ground?"

"Ah. You see, I was feeling rather frustrated earlier so I called your parent's to come and get them, they are staying over at their house for dinner. So we have the house all to ourselves, apart from staff of course."

Ana pulls me into the house and slams me back to the nearest wall. Her hands are fisting in my hair as her tongue trails across my bottom lip. We're both panting as I deepen the kiss. I run my hands over her delectable ass, squeezing and kneading her soft flesh.

"Ah, we've reached your 'fuck me now' phase of pregnancy; my personal favorite" I smiled deviously.

* * *

I relish the feel of Christian's hands all over me. I've waited on this all day, the throbbing ache at the apex of my thighs that only he can subdue. We make our way upstairs to our bedroom and I start unbuttoning his shirt, placing a gentle kisses on his chest down the path of the buttons. Once his shirt fell open I pushed him back on the bed, trailing my hands lightly up and down his chest and abdomen I kiss my way down his chest until the crisp hairs of his 'happy trail' start to tickle my face. I straddled him and started stroking his erection through his slacks.

"Ana... baby"

"Hush, Christian. I'll take care of you" I said as I popped the button and zipper, I let my fingers explore, giving him light strokes as I ravaged his mouth. He lifted his hips as I pulled his pants and boxer briefs off in one go, and struggled his arms out of his shirt, then his socks. He lay naked on the bed before me and I licked my lips salaciously.

"Ana, you look a little overdressed baby." he said as he leaned up on his forearms. I was sure he would find it hard to control himself once I removed my robe.

I had a twinkle in my eye as I pulled the sash on the robe and shrugged it off my shoulders as it pooled at my feet.

* * *

I lay there panting with need, Ana stood at the side of the bed wearing nothing but a black lace garter belt, stockings and six-inch fuck me heels; how did I not notice those earlier? I shake that thought and take in the stunning beauty before me. Nothing turns me on more than when she is round with my child

Yeah sure she does, especially when you're fucking your whore at Escala, I swallow convulsively as she crawls up my body, and she takes my face in her hands, stroking her thumbs back and forth over my cheeks

"Christian, I love you so, so much. I drive myself crazy; how do you put up with me?"

I'm immobilized by her question, does she know? How could she, it's not possible, she wouldn't be all over me if she knew.

"Love." I answer her honestly. She lowers her lips to mine and kisses me slowly and passionately. Trailing kisses along my jaw, biting, nipping, licking and sucking her way behind my ear, down my neck. My heart is hammering in my chest; I'm rock hard and wanting her, wanting to be inside her. I adore this woman, she makes everything right in my world, why the hell am I doing this to her. I am distracted from my horrid thoughts when she as she licks and sucks across my abdomen. She softly starts licking her feather light tongue around my length, at a lazy pace, teasing and taunting. I love her so much.

"Ana, baby; I need to be inside you." I say breathlessly. She crawls back up my body and takes my head in her hands kissing me again, I gasp giving her tongue full access to my mouth and I can taste myself on her; which arouses me even more. How can she still do this to me even after nine years of marriage?

"Don't worry I'm going to take care of you. Just relax and enjoy" she says as she runs her fingernails softly around my shoulders before returning to her earlier position. I take her advice to relax and enjoy.

She blows softly on the tip of my erection, licking a bead of moisture off the tip.

"Mmm. You taste so good" I can barely contain the explosion that's going to come out hard, fast and soon. I gasp as she pulls my length into her gloriously warm, smart mouth. She clamps down on me, creating a strong suction, up and down, swirling her tongue around and around,

"Baby, don't stop ... oh god!"

She gives me one more good hard suck and bites the head of my erection and I come violently into her mouth, she continues to suck, milking me, taking all that I willingly give. She's a goddess. I'm in awe of her.

"Hmm, whatever shall we do now, we have some more time to kill..." she says with a salacious wink.

I wrap my arms around her lower back, and kiss her bump, I can't believe we'll have another baby soon, I'm excited for her arrival. She's furiously kicking in her mother's stomach ...

I place a hand at either side of her bump as Ana stands, looking down at me with love in her eyes.

I press my forehead on her stomach and talk to our baby.

"Hey Olivia, I know your happy when Mommy is having sex, which you won't be doing until your 30 by the way! I'd very much appreciate if you'd sleep for a while because Daddy hasn't had his fill of Mommy yet."

I look up smiling at Ana as she smiles back. Olivia's movements have slowed slightly. It's odd but with all three of our kids, when they were overactive in Ana's womb if I talked to them they would chill out.

"Your controlling tendencies even work in utero Mr. Grey" I can't help but chuckle at Ana.

"You must remember that I am a man of many talents Mrs. Grey" I say with a grin on my face.

"Why don't you show me some of these talents now?"

"You just have to ask me baby; I'll always be there to give you what you want." I start raining kisses all over her neck and shoulder. I wrap my arm around her waist, lifting her and place my erection at her entrance. She throws her head back in ecstasy as I sink into her

"Fuck, Christian" she says breathlessly, reveling in my possession of her. I bury my head into her neck breathing hard and heavy; Ana supports herself by placing her hands on my shoulders and digging her nails into my skin. I can barely breathe as she moves up and down, setting her own rhythm. I feel like I'm about to burst, I want to make this feeling last just a little longer; my home is inside my wife, sheathed in her to the hilt. No matter what we'll always have this, this passionate, crazy, addictive connection. I shake those thoughts and concentrate on my wife, I start thrusting upward in a perfect counter move to Ana's

"Fffuck. Ana, baby - you feel so. Fucking. Good"

I feel Ana's walls starting to contract and I know she's close. I circle my hips as I frantically drive my thrusts upward

"Oh GOD. Don't stop."

I increase my pace even further and I can't hold off much longer

"Fuck, Ana. Baby give it up for me, let go" She grips handfuls of my hair and pulls as her sex clenches around mines, milking me for all I'm worth. She collapse's onto my chest, the both of us breathless and well and truly fucked.

"I love you Christian. So much."

"Baby, I love you more than you can possibly know!" I'm rewarded with her shy smile as I snuggle into her. I don't know how long we lie looking into each other's eyes, touching each other, after a while she starts talking to me, about nothing and everything. We talk and talk for ages until she looks over to the alarm clock on the bedside table; which reads 6:45pm and sighs

"The kids will be back soon, I suppose we should get up" she says but makes no attempt to actually move, I can't help but chuckle at my adorable, heavily pregnant wife. She looks into my eyes and laughs

"It'll be hard to get Teddy to bed tonight, he's so excited."

"Excited about what?" I ask, she looks at me like I've lost my mind.

"Please tell me you haven't forgotten" I don't have a clue what she's talking about which means I have forgotten. I must have a frown on my face, indicating my inner memory struggle. Ana shakes her head at me, heavily sighing.

"Christian, you promised Teddy a month ago that you would take him out back and 'camp out' with him, tomorrow night. He made a calendar and has counted the days" Shit. Shit. Shit. Double-fucking-shit.

"You're right baby, I did forget. I've worked so hard these last few weeks trying to get this deal signed and done. I was going to talk to you about it later tonight but I suppose I'll just speak to you about it now."

I take a deep breath, Ana's regarding me quizzically. What the hell am I thinking? I halt that thought. No. I need this. I struggle internally trying to make the choice. I close my eyes and start talking:

"I was going to talk to you about working this weekend. If I get these contracts sorted then it'll be done and I won't be so stressed out and busy all the time. I have meetings on Saturday and Sunday scheduled, and their pretty early. So I was thinking... I was thinking it would be easier if I stayed at Escala on Friday and Saturday and come home early Sunday?"

I'm practically squirming, I hate myself for doing this but, I just need it. Ana closes her eyes and sighs again. She's always sighing nowadays; mostly at me.

"Why didn't you tell me when you scheduled the god damn meetings? Fuck. Christian, Teddy's going to be crushed." I stay silent, and let her get her frustration out. It's not like I don't deserve it anyhow.

"We'll just have to sit him down and explain it to him, God damn it, if you'd told me earlier I could have let him down easier instead of the fucking night before."

She tries to get up, but struggles a little bit; what with being seven and a half months pregnant. I offer her my hand to help her up but to my astonishment she pushes it away, finally managing to get up, she grabs her robe, puts it on whilst grabbing her sweat pants and a T-shirt, and stalks into the bathroom. She's obviously furious and seething at me, again.

Great. Just fucking peachy.

* * *

I slam the door to our en suite and stare at myself in the mirror. Holy shit. I'm like a fucking whale. I take a few deep breaths, and try to rein my temper in. How can he be so damn inconsiderate to his own son?

He's always been selfish Ana, he only thinks of himself. I scowl at my sub conscious who's wearing her harpy face. I groan at the thought of telling Teddy and seeing his features filled with disappointment. I always swore that I wouldn't let my kids be disappointed Ever. I turn on the shower and run my hand under it to test the temperature. I let the water run over me, soothing me, calming me completely. Once I'm done I wrap myself in a huge, super soft towel

Well it would have to be huge to fit around you my subconscious adds. I promptly ignore her. I towel dry my hair and tie it up, it's getting really long and in need of a good cut. Once I'm finished getting dressed I put my towels in the hamper and enter the bedroom. Christian's waiting on me, sitting on the bed looking at me expectantly. I move around the room, tidying things up, trying to ignore him as best I can. I'm still fucking pissed at him.

"You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"Wow, you are so receptive Christian. No shit, I'm fucking pissed!"

"Baby, I'm sorry. I truly did forget about camping. Don't be mad at me. Please, not tonight - it's hard enough when I'm away from you and the kids don't make it harder on me by being mad."

I let out a long sigh and turn to look him in the eyes. My face must have softened as he brings his hand up and strokes my cheek with his knuckles. Reflexively I lean into his touch as he places his lips to mine, in a I'm-sorry-please-don't-be-mad-at-me-I-love-you-kiss. Damn him and his sexpertise, he knows how to wheedle his way around me.

"You can explain to Teddy why you won't be here this weekend. So prepare yourself for a tantrum, and I don't care if he is disrespectful, shouts, screams or otherwise, you will not raise your voice at him, especially not for being disappointed that you're not spending time with him! Do you understand me?"

"Yes. Okay. I'll make it up to him - I promise." Christian kisses me again, and just like that; there's no fight left in me, or breath for that matter.


	2. Chapter 2: I know, I miss him too!

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

* * *

"Momma, where daddy?"

"Gracie, he had to stay in the city this weekend. I know you miss him, momma and Teddy miss him too"

"But, Momma I want daddy"

"I know princess. If you're a good girl and go to sleep Momma will take you shopping tomorrow okay?" She stomps her little feet and wails...

"No. I want daddy."

I turn and walk out of her room and leave her screaming. She'll settle eventually. She's such a daddy's girl. I'm so stressed out without him, and I can't even have a glass of wine.

Oh. My. God. 45 minutes later, it's 8:50pm and she's still crying. I go back into her bedroom and she's lying down sobbing, real tears and everything. Teddy still isn't sleeping because Grace is making so much noise. I know this is the worst thing to do, but I'm just so damn tired. I scoop her up in my arms and hold her close, rocking back and forth and running my fingers through her bronze curls. Her pajama top is soaking wet from crying, so I switch on her lamp and change her PJ's then pick her up and make a stop at teddy's bedroom

"Hey Teddy, come on buddy. I know it's late and Miss Grace has had all my attention tonight but since it's the weekend, do you want to watch a movie in Mommy's bed?

"Movie, me too Momma?" Gracie asks, I tickle her ribs and Teddy quickly leaps out of bed, and runs to the stack of DVD's in his bedroom. I sit Grace in the middle of our massive bed and head into the closet to get changed into my night-gown whilst Teddy chooses a movie that is suitable for them both. He picks out Shrek and puts it in the DVD player. I give Grace the blankie that her Aunt Kate bought her when she was born and she immediately turns her body to face me, snuggling her face in my neck, I wrap my arm around my baby girl and she's soon sleeping, I can't believe she'll be three in a few months; she's such a daddy's girl. Teddy lasts a little while longer than Grace, but once he knows that she's definitely asleep he lifts my other arm and wraps it around himself holding onto me tightly. They're both snuggled into my chest, so I take a moment to think. Things have moved so fast for me, one moment I was graduating, then getting married and then next thing, Teddy was born. I can't believe that this eight year old little boy -going on thirty sometimes- lying snuggled beside me is so mature and sensitive to other people's feelings; my son would do anything to make anyone happy, and that thought scares me, he's growing up so fast. At lease I'll have another bundle pretty soon; I rub my stomach a few times and settle into the bed, content with the comfort my babies have brought to my bed. I switch the TV off and try to get some sleep myself; it's going to be a long weekend without Christian.

I wake up to the sounds of Teddy telling Grace to be quiet, cause Mommy needs to rest because of the baby in her belly, and that he's the man of the house when Dad's away. Grace promptly tells him "NO! You shuddup. I am baby". I lay with my eyes closed and listen to Teddy reasoning with her, and Gracie being her usual snarky self, until I can't take it anymore.

"How about you learn to not be horrible to your big brother; cause if you don't...the tickle monster will get you Gracie bug! I grab Grace's foot and tickle her mercilessly.

"Teddy, help me. No Momma. Stoooop" she exclaims. She gives me a full belly, hearty laugh. These are the moments parents live for; it's the silly little things that Christian is always missing out on lately. I shake that thought and concentrate on having fun with my babies.

I then start tickling my Teddy bear and it's not long before their both tickling me and we're all giggling together. I grab Grace and hold her on my hip and take Ted's hand as we walk downstairs for breakfast. As always, Gail has a cup of tea waiting for me. Taylor has been in bed with a cold for the last two days.

"How's he feeling this morning Gail?"

"Oh Ana dear don't worry, he just has man-flu, you know what it's like when men are sick. They're big babies."

I giggle as she makes a start on the children's breakfast. An hour later and we're all dressed and sitting in the family room, Teddy is watching cartoons whilst Grace is playing with some toys in the middle of the floor.

"Ana, you okay?" Gail asks as she hands me another cup of tea.

"Sorry, I was miles away." I take the tea from her and go back to staring out the window. Grace starts babbling to Gail. She hands her a Sippy cup of juice and places Teddy's transformers cup of juice on the table.

"Missing Christian?"

"Is it that obvious?" I reply.

"Well, I have known you for nearly 9 years. So yeah, it's pretty obvious to all of us how much you miss him when he's away."

"Usually, when he's away for this amount of time it's really far away. I guess it just makes it harder knowing he's just in the city y'know?"

"Ana, please don't think I'm over stepping my bounds but with Jason feeling sorry for himself, there's not much to do for me around here today, except look after him. Why don't you go out for a bit? Maybe meet up with Kate or something? I'll watch the little ones, it's no bother Ana, plus between you and me, Mr. Taylor is getting on my nerves!" she gives me a quick eye roll before bursting out laughing.

I think about it for a few moments, maybe meeting Kate would take my mind off things.

"Yeah, I think I'll give her a call, maybe go to the salon and get my hair cut.

A few hours later I'm sitting with Kate, getting our nails and hair done.

"Ana, cheer up. What's the matter, don't let Mr. Moneybags get you down."

"Oh Kate! I'm down because I'm missing him. He's staying at Escala this weekend because he's got early meetings and he'd have to leave the house at 6am to get here in time. It just sucks I guess."

"Well, call him and see what time he'll be leaving the office, once we're done here we'll go get you a new outfit and, you can surprise him with unexpected food and sex at Escala tonight. I'll keep Grace and Ted at our place or Elliot, Ava and I can sleep at your place? What do you think?"

"You're the best sister, best friend, sister-in-law ever! It'll probably be easier for you guys to stay at our house tonight."

"Keep the compliments coming..."

I had to laugh at Kate; she always knows what to do to make me smile. So I pull out my cell to call my husband.

..."Hey baby"

..."Hey. How's everything at the office, you sound stressed?"

..."I am so fucking stressed. I miss you; I just wish I could come home and bury myself in you Mrs. Grey"

..."I wish you could too. I love you Mr. Grey always."

..."This sucks baby. It's just this is a pretty big deal and I want to oversee everything, just so there's no big fuck ups."

..."Well, don't stay at the office too long, you need to eat and get some sleep, you can't be the best you can be if you're tired."

..."I know." He sighs. "I'm leaving in 10 minutes. You shouldn't be stressing yourself out about me Mrs. Grey. What have you been doing today?"

..."Just been for lunch with Kate. I'm heading home now."

_It's not like you're lying, you didn't specify which home._

..."Okay baby, I have to go. I'll call you once I'm back at Escala, and I'll call the kids before bed okay. Give them a big kiss from me."

"I will do. I love you Mr. Grey."

"You too baby. Bye."

I head over to agent provocateur, Kate helps me pick out some sexy lingerie, and then we pick out a tight black dress that clings to my curves, especially my bump; I don't know why but Christian finds my baby bump really sexy! Once we're back at the house Kate helps me get ready and tries to make sure I look gorgeous. I get a big hug from Teddy and one from Kate whilst she's holding a wriggling Grace in her arms and she's screaming bloody murder.

"Be good for Aunt Kate and Uncle Elliot. I have to go, Luke's waiting on me. I'll see you tomorrow."

I jump in the back and tell Luke to head for Escala.

Standing in the elevator my stomach's doing somersaults, I don't know why I'm so nervous, I guess I just can't wait to see him. Get my hands on him. I'm never hornier than when I'm pregnant.

The house is in utter darkness. I flip on lights as Luke heads off to Taylors office and then to bed I presume. And I set off to find my husband I creep into the bedroom but he's not in bed. I look around but I can't seem to find him.

I grab my blackberry and call him. I hear his phone ringing; its sitting on the breakfast bar. He never goes anywhere without it so he has to be around here somewhere. I walk upstairs and start looking in the bedrooms. I don't know what makes me try the handle of the playroom door, but to my surprise it's unlocked. He doesn't notice me right away; I feel my heart splinter and shatter with every thrust he lays into her. Once they are finished he removes the restraints from her, then turns around and notices me, as does she. In a moment of horrific clarity I realize what a complete and utter fool I must look like to her. _The little pregnant wife who can't please her husband_. I turn my back on him, our life together, and our marriage and try to walk away with at least a little of my dignity intact.


	3. Chapter 3: Not Prepared for that!

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

* * *

I have the leather paddle in my hand, I bring it down over her beautiful pale skin and I'm rewarded with a resounding snap as it makes contact. She, being the perfect submissive counts each strike. After I finish her punishment I decide to reward her for counting with me and not safe wording. After all these years I need to know that I can still bring a girl to heel in the way I used to.

"Good girl, hmm. I think I shall reward you! What should your reward be?" I asked as I circled her. She's bound wrists to ankles. Her perfect ass is in the air; her pale skin which has turned into a beautiful shade of pink.

"Whatever reward Sir thinks I deserve."

I grabbed a fist full of her hair, and roughly pulling her hair to lift her head. I lick my tongue from the corner of her mouth up to her ear and whisper my reply

"How about I fuck you. Hard?"  
"Yes sir."  
"I am so hard for you baby"  
"Thank you sir"  
"What are the safe words?"  
"Yellow and Red sir."

I slam into her from behind, withdraw, and then fractionally push back in. I circle my hips and receive a long moan from her.

"Do you like that baby? Huh?"  
"Yes Sir, you feel so good sir"

"Ugh. You. Feel. So. Fucking. Good." I growl as I slam into her harder and harder, working frantically towards our release. I feel her walls start to contract and she explodes around me, I thrust another twice and pour myself into her.

I quickly pull out and remove the restraints from her wrists and ankles. I turn to grab the Arcana cream and get her two Advil for the pain, though nothing could prepare me for what I turned around to. My wife. My pregnant wife standing in a tight black dress and 6 inch fuck me heels, her hair is in loose waves that now sit below her breasts, her make-up is natural, and she looks beautiful. Silent tears are falling down her face; I don't know what to say or how to explain myself to her. I don't know how to make her understand. I can feel a dull ache forming in my chest. The pain is starting to constrict my breathing. Ana turns away from me, with a disgusted look on her face; and walks away from the playroom. I quickly pull up my jeans and try to catch her up, why was she even here? As I run from the playroom I shout rapid instructions at my sub; Allyson, I tell to get dressed and get out, our contract is over, I give her the code for the service elevator and tell her that our arrangement is officially null and void and to have a nice life as I run to the great room.


	4. Chapter 4: Arriving at the hospital

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

* * *

The pain is searing, ripping through me, and all-consuming, I feel like I can't breathe.

_Keep strong Ana, just put one foot in front of the other, quickly._

"ANA! GOD DAMN IT WAIT!"

I'm running to get to the elevator, but seven and a half months pregnant and in heels it didn't take long for him to catch up with me. He grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. I looked into his eyes; pools of liquid steel, that glittered dangerously. I couldn't really see him as my tears were blinding me. He reached his hand out and placed it on the side of my swollen belly, and rested his forehead on mines. I raised my hand up to his face, trailing my fingertips over his sideburns.

"Ana, I love you baby. I love you so much. Please? I ... I'm so"

I closed my eyes, sucked in a deep breath, exhaled and tapped into a pool of strength I didn't know I had within me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and fought to get the words out. I could feel my heart, break and splinter with each syllable that passed my lips.

"You know how much I wish that was enough."

Tears are streaming down my cheeks and there's no point in trying to stop them from falling. Christian reaches over to me, cupping my face in his skilled hands, wiping my tears away with his thumbs.

"Christian, I don't understand why? Why wasn't I enough?" my voice broke, and a sob escaped my throat.

"Baby, please let me explain, she means noth..."

I shot my hand up telling him to stop with his classic cliché excuses. I let out an ironic laugh, whilst shaking my head in disbelief.

"You don't get it Christian. I couldn't give a shit if 'she' meant nothing. Fact is whilst I was at home consoling your daughter because her 'daddy' wasn't there to tuck her into bed last night. She wouldn't go to sleep, Teddy couldn't sleep because Grace was making so much noise, and I ended up having to take them both into bed beside me. Grace cried so bad, I had to comfort her; Teddy was so disappointed that you couldn't take him out back camping like you promised. I had to explain to him that you didn't have a choice, you had to stay in the city to work this weekend, but actually, you let your son and daughter down BECAUSE YOU WERE OUT FUCKING ANOTHER WOMAN"

"Ana. Baby please, you know I can't survive without you. I'm begging you please don't leave me."

"Well, you should have thought about that before fucking some other woman! I don't want you in our home. You can stay here with your submissive whore. I'm sure she'll keep your nightmares away."

He flinched at my words but I was beyond caring if I hurt him.

"Luke" I yelled. I'm pretty sure that he was in Taylor's office.

"Yes Ma'am?" Luke asked as he approached. I'm pretty sure he heard everything but ever the professional he tried not to let it show. Luke and I had gotten pretty close, so I could tell that it was taking all his self-control not to knock Christian out. Luke's like the big brother I never had, and means a great deal to me, especially as I trust him with the lives of my children.

"Luke, please take me home. I need to get home for Grace and Teddy. At least they have one parent who gives a shit."

"Ma'am"

"Ana, I'm coming home tonight; and it's my fucking house too. You can't tell me not to come home. You don't have the right to keep me from MY house or my children."

"I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT? I'VE JUST WALKED IN ON YOU FUCKING ANOTHER WOMAN AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL ME I DON'T HAVE THE RI..."

I clutch my stomach as I feel warm liquid gush down my legs, oh no. It's too early. It's way too early. No, no, no, this can't be happening. I grab Luke's arm and reach for his hand as a steel band tightens around my stomach.

"Luke, the baby... she's coming. Oh god, the baby's coming, it's too soon."

"It's okay Ana; I'm calling for an ambulance okay. It's going to be okay just keep breathing. You need to stay calm."

Luke leads me over to the sofa and helps me sit down. Christian is still standing, just staring at me, his eyes wide with panic. I am sitting trying to concentrate on keeping my breathing even when another contraction hits. I yell out in pain which snaps Christian out of whatever daze he was in, he comes over and kneels in front of me

"Ana baby it's going to be alright, help's coming just hold on."

I'm riding the contraction out and gritting my teeth. Once the pain subsides again I find my voice. I am in agony and absolutely terrified for my baby, but I don't want him anywhere near me. It's his fault that this is happening.

"Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me."

He stands up; his jaw taught and gets his blackberry from the breakfast bar. I presume that he's calling Grace.

"Mom ... you need to get to the hospital, Ana's gone into labour. Where? ... Great… alright. I'll see you in a few minutes then"

"Ana, my mom's just around the corner, she's coming to help us okay. She'll be here soon."

"Well, you should probably get your whore out of the house then!" I said with as much venom as I could muster. Luke walked back into the great room and sat in front of me. Tears were drowning me, I couldn't speak. I just grabbed his hand as another contraction hit. I squeezed as hard as I could as the pain started to subside.

"Wow. I didn't think you had that much strength Ana. You know I really need the use of my hands for my job, like for shooting a gun."

"Sorry Luke, but it really hurts. This isn't happening. It can't happen! What am I going to do if ... if."

"Enough of that talk. You and the baby will be just fine Ana."

I just nodded in agreement. Grace and the ambulance arrived at the same time. Grace accompanied me in the ambulance as I didn't want Christian anywhere near me, but I suspect he is following behind with Luke.

"Ana, can you tell me what happened, before your waters broke?" Grace asked. I just looked from her to the medics and back again, and shake my head. She takes my hand and holds it till we get to the hospital.

I am in private side room and have a monitor strapped to my stomach, and an IV on the inside of my elbow. Grace has patiently sat waiting for a moment to be alone. The nurse makes some notes on my chart and tells me to give them a buzz if I need anything, then leaves.

"Ana darling, what happened?" Grace asks quietly. She is sitting on the edge of the hospital bed holding my hand in both of hers, stroking the back of my hand with her thumbs. I take a deep breath and try to say the words, but I can't get them past the lump in my throat. I'm just about to speak when there's a soft knock on the door and the nurse peeks her head in.

"Mrs. Grey, your husband's here."

Christian walks into the room, his hair sticking all over the place, probably from running his hands through it repeatedly. I give the nurse a quick smile that doesn't touch my eyes and she closes the door, going back to her duties. I can't look at him. So I look to Grace,

"Grace, will you please get him out of this room. I don't want him here."

"Ana please, I'm sorry okay! I fucked up, like always. I'm begging you please don't shut me out. I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." both of his hands are in his hair

Tears are falling down his face, as they are on mine.

"Sorry? For what? Doing what you did or are you just sorry that you got caught?"

"Christian, I think you better go. You being here is spiking Ana's blood pressure and she doesn't need any further complications. I don't know what's going on with you two but maybe it's best if you wait in the family room down the hall."

He looks utterly desolate, and looks to his mother once again.

"Keep me updated, I'll be in that room if you want to talk Anastasia."

"Don't hold your breath."

I close my eyes and sob. Grace sits back down beside me and rocks me back and forth. Another contraction hits and she helps me through it. Telling me to breathe, and reassuring me. It passes, but they're getting closer together. Shit. I keep forgetting how much this hurts.

"Ana, I understand if you don't want to tell me what's going on but don't worry, I'll stay with you okay. I'm not going anywhere darling" she says as she strokes her hand up and down my back rhythmically, I sob into her neck and nod. I take a deep breath as she sits back and looks into my eyes.

"Grace, I don't even know where to start. I don't know what to do."

"Oh Ana, sweetheart. Just start at the beginning."


	5. Chapter 5: Contractions Suck

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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I'm just about to explain the situation I've found myself in, when yet another nurse comes into my room.

"Ana, I have a steroid shot here; it may help on your baby's lung development. You have a history of long births so we're hoping that you'll hang on so that it'll have a better chance of working"

"I'm willing to try anything." Grace holds my hand whilst I have the shot done, and the nurse takes her leave, urging us to buzz if we need anything.

I eventually stop crying enough to string a coherent sentence together. Grace waits with me and tries to get my breathing is under control. She looks at me with such compassion that it almost starts me off again. I take a deep breath and exhale...

"A few weeks ago Christian told me that he was interested in this company and that things would be quite busy at the office and he might need to spend a few nights away from home. He had promised to go on a father, son adventure with Ted by camping out back. I know it doesn't sound like much but Teddy was really excited."

"I can imagine he would be." Grace nods.

"On Thursday night Christian suddenly told me that the deal was almost complete but he'd have early morning meetings this weekend, which would mean staying at Escala from Friday till Sunday evening. Teddy was crushed, I was trying to explain to him, but he's only eight for goodness sake. I sat down with him and Christian tried to explain everything to him and he was so disappointed, he just wanted time with his dad. Then Gracie gave me a really hard time last night, she cried and cried for her dad. It was horrible; I ended up taking them both into bed with me because I was so exhausted."

Another contraction came and Grace helped me through it. Shit. This hurts.

"Ana, darling this can wait."

"No, I need to talk please. I need to get this out; I need you to tell me if you think I'm doing the right thing by keeping Christian away." Grace nodded for me to continue.

"So once the kids ate some breakfast, and I got them dressed. Gail suggested going to lunch with Kate, to get my mind off missing Christian. So we went into the city, I got my hair done and Kate said it would be a shame to go home to an empty bed when I looked so good - you know what Kate's like"

"I do, and she was probably right, you always look good Ana, even during childbirth." Grace laughs and gives me a wink, continuing to hold my hand. I could tell that she knew what I was going to say, I think she's just hoping to be wrong.

"So I went and got a new dress and shoes, and Kate and Elliot offered to stay at our house with Ava so I could spend some quality time with my husband. Kate helped me get ready and Luke and I headed over to Escala to surprise him. When I walked into the apartment, I didn't think for a moment ..."

I had to take a deep breath. My eyes were brimming with tears again, when all of a sudden I felt a resounding kick from my within stomach. As if the baby was urging me to go on, and that she was okay.

"Grace, I walked right in on them. He was with another woman, I caught them, right in the middle of their illicit activities. I saw everything. I must have looked so stupid just standing there, but I couldn't move. Then when he noticed me I ran, I tried to get into the elevator but he caught up with me. I asked him not to come home, to stay at Escala. He started yelling at me, saying that it was his house, and I couldn't keep him from it or his children. That's when my water broke. Grace it's too soon."

"You know, for being a fairly educated man, he can be so fucking stupid sometimes! Ana, the baby will be fine, you can hear her heart beat. Your baby will be strong Ana, just like you."

I'm sitting here in shock. I don't think I've ever heard her curse. I'm just about to ask her to call Kate when Dr. Greene walks in the room.

"Hi Ana, I'm just going to check you over and see how you're doing okay."

She gets me into place and checks me over by giving me an internal examination, and checks the contraction chart, and checks the heart monitor that is strapped around my stomach which is giving me enough reassurance that my baby; Olivia Grey is okay for the moment.

"Okay Ana, with Teddy we had some complications and ended up having to deliver in an emergency situation. Now we successfully delivered Gracie via VBAC and we're confident that this method will be successful again. I don't want to frighten you, but we'll have a NICU team waiting in the delivery room for as soon as the baby is born, just in case. I don't want you to panic, this might not even be necessary, but I'm just setting everything up to be prepared for any eventuality. Now you had the steroid shot a few hours ago so that should help with the baby's breathing when she's delivered. So fingers crossed that should help. Now, your contractions are progressing slowly, and your cervix is currently dilated to 5cms so you're halfway there. Do you have any questions?

I take a deep breath and try to think of any questions to ask Dr. Greene, when I get another contraction

"Ugghh, SHIT! I can't do this Grace, I can't. It hurts."

"Ana darling, you can do it, and you will. Just breathe in and out." Why does everyone say that, if breathing worked, I wouldn't be in any fucking PAIN!

Eventually it passes and I relax back into the bed.

"Dr. Greene, I need pain relief, this really hurts." I wail. Tears flowing from my eyes I had an epidural with Teddy as he was delivered via C-section. With Grace I didn't want any pain relief, I was in pain but I was happy, I was excited, and I had my husband to hold my hand and reassure me. This time is different.

"Ana, I can't give you any form of strong IV pain relief but I can give you an epidural, but it'll make you numb, I know how much you hated that after Teddy was born. If I give you pain relief; such as pethidine it can affect the baby's breathing, and you're delivering at 34 weeks, which makes you 6 weeks early, I can't take that risk. Do you want an epidural?"

"No, it's okay. I'll pass on the epidural."

"Okay Ana, if you change your mind let one of the nurses know, but don't leave it too late. Once your labor has progressed further it won't be an option."

I nod to let her know I understand. I don't want the epidural, I've experienced it and didn't like it, I wanted to get up and walk the pain off, but I couldn't as I was numb from my waist down.

"Ana darling, I know you're scared but everything will be fine." she says as she strokes her fingers through my hair. There's a knock at the door and I feel my blood pressure rising.

"Grace if it's him, tell him to leave, go home to Escala. I don't want him here." I feel horrible for putting Grace in this position but I am so mad, and hurt at what Christian has done to me.

Grace opens the door and a very tired-looking Sawyer is standing with my birthing suitcase. And Kate has a massive bunch of flowers.

"Oh Ana, are you alright?" she asks as she wraps her arms around me. I have to keep it together in front of Kate; she'll probably tackle Christian to the ground when she finds out. Kate hands the flowers to Grace, and gives her a one armed hug.

"Hi Grace" She says whilst receiving the hug. Once she lays the flowers down she puts her hands on her hips and squares her shoulders...

"Dr. Grace, where are my rubber gloves? Let's suit up and get this baby delivered" In a mock tone. I love how even in the most horrific of situations Kathryn Kavanagh can make a room giggle.


	6. Chapter 6: Holy crap this hurts

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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Oh god the pain. This hurts so fucking much. I have Kate on one side, and Grace on the other. Dr. Green is at the bottom of the bed and my feet are firmly placed in the stirrups. I've been in labor for 18 hours and I'm so, so very tired.

"Okay Ana, when the next contraction hits I want you to give me a really big hard push okay?"

"Okay." I breathlessly agree. I'm holding both Grace and Kate's hand as they give me lots of encouragement. I'm just catching my breath as another contraction hits. Oh god this one isn't stopping, it's maintaining the height of the pain.

"Grace, Support her back. Ana chin to chest and give me a big push I'll count you through it

1...

2...

3... That's it Ana, Keep it going

5...

6...

7... You're doing so well, I can see the head, come on push

I'm in floods of tears, and I'm totally regretting saying no to the epidural.

"I can't push anymore, I'm so tired. I can't. I just can't" I sob.

"Oh Ana, you can. You're doing amazingly well. Come on I want to see my new grandchild."

A few seconds later another contraction hits. Fuck me this really hurts, this is the worst contraction yet. I've pushed for about two hours and I feel like I'm being cut in half. I need to keep pushing. FUCK! This hurts so badly.

"That's it Ana, keep pushing, keep pushing."

The relief I feel once the baby is out is instantaneous. I am breathing heavily and Grace and Kate congratulate me. Dr. Green announces I have another daughter and holds her up to let me get a quick glance before she's surrounded by the NICU team, they are shouting to each other but I don't understand a word they are saying. I push my hands on the bed to so I can see what's going on when I realize she hasn't cried and panic induced hysteria sets in.

"Why isn't she crying?" No one answers me; Grace and Kate look at me sympathetically, tears streaming from us all. I'm sobbing into Graces arms as they rush out of the room wheeling my daughter away in an incubator.

"I'll never forgive him for this Grace, I'll never forgive him." Grace just rocks me back and forth as Kate strokes my hair.

"This isn't how it's supposed to be, she should be in my arms. She won't know who I am, what if she forgets me" I sob.

"Steele, look at me." I look up at Kate as she takes my face in her hands.

"She's been inside you for seven and a half months. She knows your voice, don't you worry about that. Now, she needs you to stay strong, she's a fighter; just like you. Please Ana; she needs us all to stay strong."

I nod knowing she's right, but my emotions are all over the place. I'm in so much pain, not physically, but emotionally. All I want is Christian to hold me, to tell me that everything's going to be okay, but it's not. It's his fault that we're in this mess. If anything happens to my baby... I halt that thought. Nothing's going to happen because I won't let it. I need to be strong, just like Kate said. My daughter needs me to be strong. I repeat that like a mantra in my head. We'll get through this, we have too.


	7. Chapter 7: NICU

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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I'm standing in the neonatal intensive care unit looking at my granddaughter. She has minor breathing problems, but she's starting to stabilize. She only has a diaper on and a little pink hat to keep her from losing heat from her head. She's been given oxygen through a mask that goes over her face and nose, just until her lungs get more strength, her small chest rises and falls rapidly showing her struggle.

Looking at her, it's like all my medical training has deserted me. All I can feel is gut wrenching terror for her and Ana, and mostly anger at my son. How could he do this to her, she's given herself to him completely, put up with all of his issues and this is how he repays the mother of his children. I had to request that Dr. Green sedate Ana, the poor girl was hysterical. Kate is sitting with her now to allow me to come down and check on Olivia Katharine Grey, she's so small, weighing only 5lbs 11oz. I put my hand through the hole in the incubator, I'm afraid to touch her, but Olivia immediately latches her hand on my finger and tears drown me.

"Stay strong baby girl, you have to fight, fight with everything you have."

I'm brought out of my reverie with a commotion outside the unit. I strain to hear what's going on.

"Excuse me, my daughter has been brought down here, she was born an hour ago, Olivia Grey"

"What's your name Sir?"

"Christian Grey"

"There's someone in with her just now, I'll show you through."

I don't look up as he approaches. I concentrate on the rise and fall of Olivia's chest to calm me. I have never been so disappointed in my son. I hear him gasp as he looks at the tiny baby amongst the mass of wires and bleeping machinery. My maternal instinct kicks in and I look up at him, he has tears in his eyes, as he looks at Olivia

"Mom, why is she so small? Is she going to be okay? How's Ana?" he asks in a quiet voice.

"She's so small because she was born over a month early Christian, and we don't know if she'll be okay, she's having difficulty breathing, that's why she's in here. And how do you think Ana is?" I answer in a clipped tone.

"I take it that Ana has told you what happened."

"Yes." I remove my hand from the incubator and close the little door that allows us to touch her. I place my hand on the side of the plastic and look up at my son.

"I... I'm so sorry. I don't know why I even. There's no excuse, if anything happens I'll never forgive myself" I pull him into me and hold him as he sobs into my neck, repeating over and over how sorry he is. I don't know if their relationship can survive this, I hope it will.

I let him cry it all out, the worry for his daughter and his wife. The worry of what happens if their relationship is over. I hold him until his tears dry up.

"Give me your hand son" I ask as I open up the door to Olivia's incubator

"No. I can't, she's so small, I can't touch her mom."

"Nonsense. She needs you Christian." I put his hand through the door and he touches her little hand, as she did with me she immediately wraps her whole hand around Christian's index finger. He stands holding her hand for a little while until I tell him that we need to go see how Ana is doing. At the mere mention of Ana's name he closes his eyes, obviously remembering their last encounter.

"It's okay, she's sedated. She won't know you're there." he nods and follows me out of the unit.

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A/N: How are you liking it so far? Please, Please, Please review! I'd like to know what you think and even if you think it sucks please give me your thoughts as to what I should improve on, to improve my writing!

PS: Have I mentioned my wonderfully talented friend? LouisVuittonFreak - read her stuff! XD


	8. Chapter 8: Kathrine Grey Experience!

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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I'm beyond terrified to see Ana, even though my mother assures me that she's sound asleep. I'll never forget the look in her eyes as she stood on the threshold of the playroom. She's breathtakingly beautiful all the time, and it sickens me to the pit of my stomach at seven and a half months pregnant she made all that effort to see me when I should have been at home with her, not fucking some piece of trash. If it didn't already hit home, the severity of seeing my baby daughter fighting for her life sure made it. I don't deserve Ana, I never have, especially now.

Kate is sitting with Ana, holding her hand as she weeps. She looks up at me with pure hatred. _It's only what you deserve Grey!_ My mom looks to Kate, smiling at her and puts her hand on her shoulder.

"Kate, I think we should give Ana and Christian a moment alone"

"Grace, she doesn't want him here. I'm not leaving her alone with him."

"Please Kate, For me?"

"No Grace, Ana doesn't want him here. How could you, she was pregnant and you were out fucking some other woman. The worst part, about all of this" She gets up from the chair beside Ana's bed and gets in my face "The whole time I was with her, all she could talk about was how much she was missing her 'wonderful' husband" contempt and anger drip of the words she speaks.

"She got herself all dressed up to come and be with _you _and the entire time that MY husband was playing with YOUR son; you were out screwing around with some slut."

"I know, god Kate! I know" I hang my head, she's right and it kills me.

"I really hope you feel shitty, your mother and I had to be here for Ana whilst she gave birth to YOUR baby. I have never seen her like that, I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest the whole fucking time, I had to look in her eyes and watch the pain rip her apart."

"Kate, I WAS FUCKING HERE. She wouldn't let me in!" I see the pure temper take over her features and her lip curled in anger as she drew her hand back and slapped me across my face with such force that my head actually turned. I placed my hand on top of my stinging skin and just looked at her in horror. She fucking slapped me.

_Grey, just be fucking thankful that she isn't ripping your balls off and feeding them to you!_

"You better hope and pray that nothing happens to that baby or I swear to god I won't be responsible for my actions." Kate grabbed her bag and gave me one last censorious look as she walked out the door. I was still holding my cheek when I looked at my mother, her face showing nothing but disappointment.

"Mom, can you believe that. She fucking slapped me!"

"I'm sorry to have to say this Christian, but you deserved way worse." She also turned and left the room, leaving me with the presence of the crushing guilt I felt.

**~o0o~**

I sit down in the seat that Kate has just left and take Ana's hand up to hold to my cheek. I can feel her wedding and engagement rings pressing into my skin, burning me like they are on fire.

_Oh baby. I'm so sorry, more than you'll ever know. _

I don't know how long I've sat here, but the sun's starting to come up and Ana's powder blue eyes slowly flutter open.

"Christian. What are you doing here? Why are you sitting with me?"

_You deserved that Grey, and a whole lot more!_

"I wanted to be here, for when you woke up." I can't look at her, I feel like she can see right through me.

"Christian look at me." She commands. I hesitantly look up at her watery eyes.

"Where's Olivia? Where's my baby?" she cries softly. I pick her hand back up and hold it tight to my chest as I answer her.

"Baby, she's in the neonatal intensive care unit. She's fighting Ana; she's strong just like you. She's been taken off the ventilator, she's breathing on her own. They just want to keep her down there for a while.

"Take me to her, please."

"Ok."

Ana goes to the bathroom whilst I arrange for a wheelchair to take her down to see our daughter.

Ana doesn't speak to me whilst I wheel her down. I can see her constantly wiping her eyes as we go and it kills me inside. It hurts to know that I caused this, and what makes it worse is that Ana hasn't yelled or blamed me, at least not out loud. I push the buzzer to let the nurses know that we are here, a few moments pass then they let us in.

"Hi, Mr. & Mrs. Grey?" she asks. I nod, she gasps when she gets a good look at me, out of the corner my eye, I notice Ana shake her head slightly. The young nurse swallows and seems to regain her equilibrium. I wheel Ana over to our daughter's incubator and 'park' the chair. I hold my hand out to her to help her up and she hesitates. After what feels like a lifetime she accepts my hand.

"Is she okay Christian? Please tell me she's going to be okay" I can't answer her because looking at Olivia terrifies me. I don't want too even contemplate her _not _being okay.

"She's strong Ana, she'll fight this." I'm still holding her hand on mines, so I tug Ana closer to our daughter, she's terrified of seeing her and feeling helpless; the same way I feel every time I look at my baby girl. Why the hell did I even want a submissive? I shake that thought; I have to support Ana through this. I stand at the Perspex tank that Olivia is lying in, and pull Ana to me so she can meet our little girl.

She gasps audibly drawing her hand to cover her mouth and her eyes are screwed shut. She tentatively places her other hand on the side of the incubator as tears swim the path of her face, as do mines.

"She's so small, how can she possibly surv-ive?" She asks between sobs.

"Because she has a strong mother and a father that will buy the latest technology to help her."

Olivia starts to cry and squirm around the incubator but the nurses are busy dealing with other babies. This pisses me off - do they not know who I am? My kid deserves their 100% undivided attention.

"I feel so helpless, I mean, am I even allowed to touch her?" She asks whilst trying to control her emotions. I open up the little doorway for her and she slips her hand through the hole and starts stroking the side of Olivia's face, murmuring to her. As if by the magic of her mother's touch; Olivia calms and yawns deeply."

I smile watching them, the adoration in Ana's eyes; she is a wonderful mother. I notice Ana's tears were starting to fall even harder, sobs racking her body; sadly, I know those sobs. Ana remains by my side, with Olivia holding her fingers. She turns her head to look at me and then looks back to Olivia...

"Was she worth it Christian? The arrangement you had, was it worth this, your daughter's life, your other children, your marriage, was she that good of a fuck to make you risk me? Every time I look at Olivia, alone in an incubator not being able to be held or comforted, I see your betrayal. I'll never forgive you for this."

I hang my head. This is it, I look into her eyes and all I see is hurt, pain, despair, betrayal, and ultimately hatred. It's over. I've lost the only thing that ever mattered to me. I have to get her back; she has to let me explain. I'm just about to beg and burst into tears when I notice Dr. Green walking over to us, we're both standing looking at Olivia, with fear, pain, heartache and worry written over both of our faces.

"Mr., Mrs. Grey - Olivia has progressed tremendously over the last 24 hours. She's now breathing perfectly on her own. Don't worry about all the wires; they are to monitor her heart rate and such things. I'll keep a check on her for the next few hours, provided there are no issues, she'll be out of NICU and up on the ward with you. I know you'd prefer to get out of here as soon as possible, but I need Olivia to stay for another 24-48 hours. However you can leave tonight or stay with her if you like, in a private room."

"I don't want to leave, so I'll stay here with her."

"Okay Ana, why don't you go up to the ward and try to get a little rest. I'll bring her up to you in a few hours. Try to sleep as you're exhausted.

"Okay Dr. Green, I'll take her up to the suite I booked for her."

I feel so much better knowing that Olivia is going to be alright but its a fleeting feeling as I know my marriage to Ana is in tattered ruins, and she no longer wants me in her life. I have no one to blame but myself. I want to punch something, anything to shake this feeling of terror.

Ana sits back in the chair and lets me wheel her back to the suite


	9. Chapter 9: Get Away From Me!

**OMG! I am currently on my lunch break and decided to check in on how my story has been received. I. Am. In. Shock! Thanks for all those reviews, it's barely even been 24 hours since I posted the story. **

**I adore you Tex Mex; thanks for having my back throughout this process. As you know, I have struggled with having the confidence to actually post it and even though some of you guys are saying 'I've ruined CG's character' and that 'he would never cheat' I just want to say that I am sorry you feel that way, as it was never my intention to make you feel like that, I just wanted to take Christian and Ana into this specific set of circumstances and see how it went. However, I do not regret posting as all the words of encouragement have meant so much, especially for those who wrote that they didn't like it as it was a cheating fic, but still had the courtacy to say 'I like your writing, just not the cheating part' 'cause at least I know that it's not my writing style that is horrible lol.**

**Anyways, as always, texmex you are my girl! You make the craziness worth while :B **

**- Susie! xo**

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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Christian takes me back up to my room and tries to help me back into bed.

"Don't. Fucking. Touch. Me."

He looks at me with shock displayed on his features.

"Ana, Please? I'm just trying to help you, let me make this right baby, I love you."

"Baby? You want to call me baby? You love me?" I ask sounding puzzled, testing the words as I repeat them back to him.

"I walked into hell last night, I saw you fucking another woman and you tell me that you love me? Let me ask you this Christian. How are you going to feel when another man is playing dad to your kids? When he's touching me, kissing me? All over me like a rash? Hmm? When he's fucking me into next week, making me feel so fucking good." I goad him, knowing his jealous tendencies. I'm purposely riling him up but I'm passed the point of caring.

"How does that feel, that image in your head, spreading like poison. Infecting every single thought in your head right now! You're wondering, will she like it, will he make her feel what I can? Will she love him? What if she doesn't love me anymore?" I ask, my voice laced with fury and dripping with contempt.

"How would you feel walking into that? Because that's exactly how I feel, you've taken my heart and soul and fucking crushed me like a bug under your expensive Italian shoes. So do me a favor, take your ass and get the fuck out of this room and out of my life because I don't want you here."

His jaw is tight with tension; which is radiating from him in waves.

"You don't mean that Ana. I know you - this isn't you. You would never do that to me. I know you wouldn't!"

"No. You knew the old Ana. Welcome to version 2.0 - You got an instant upgrade last night when 'old Ana', being the sweet, pregnant wife, who was desperate for her husband's touch, she couldn't make it one god damn night without him shriveled up and died on the threshold of the red room of pain. How apt that statement is now don't you think? I think it fits rather well. You disgust me; you make me want to vomit. Knowing you were inside me the other night with no protection. I'll need to go get checked out for anything contagious. I'm going for a shower; try to make myself feel less dirty. Cause that's how I feel knowing you were all over me, then all over her."

"Ana, baby. I'm sorry okay, I'll do anything, just please, don't leave me."

"IT'S A TAD LATE FOR 'SORRY'! YOU FUCKED ANOTHER WOMAN CHRISTIAN. I WALKED RIGHT INTO HELL, SEEING YOU WITH HER - HOW COULD YOU? YOU CAUSED THIS, I WENT INTO LABOUR AND WE NEARLY LOST OUR DAUGHTER BECAUSE OF YOU! I CAN'T STAND YOU AND I CAN'T STAND THAT I LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW!" I scream at him. I take a few breaths to calm my racing heart, adrenaline is rushing through my veins.

"Don't be here when I come out." I add in a quiet voice.

I stand up with purpose, walking into the bathroom with one hand clamped over my mouth trying to suppress the sobs that were heaving through my world-weary body. I quickly turned the shower on and stepped under the warm water while I cried, cried for everything that had happened, for everything I've lost. How the fuck am I supposed to live without him, I can't bear it. I wish I could turn the clock back, wish I hadn't gone to surprise him, wishing I was still blissfully unaware of his infidelity; anything to escape this pain. It hurts so damn much, I want to scream some more, I want to trash this room. I can't take it anymore, not for another second so I start throwing various objects around the room in a rage. Screaming. It isn't until I feel a pair of strong arms clamping around me, holding onto me as if I'd disappear in front of his eyes.

"Baby I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. Forgive me please. Don't fight me"

I punch his chest shouting and crying incoherently over and over until there isn't any more fight left in me and I surrender into his arms. I sob uncontrollably. Christian grabs a towel and wraps it around me and we rock back and forth as he whispers his apology in my ear over and over again, I cling to him shaking and sobbing as the adrenaline wains in my system leaving me exhausted.

"Do you think we can get off the floor baby? I need to see where you've cut yourself, there's blood on the floor and on the towel."

I look around the room in shock and nod my agreement. He scoops me into his arms and steps over the shards of broken glass and blood.

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**Before you all have a bitch fit about Ana letting him hold her, you need to click next!**


	10. Chapter 10: I screwed up royally

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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I feel desolate as Ana walks off into the bathroom; I see her slender frame heave with the sobs she's trying to hold back. It breaks my heart to know that I have wounded her so deeply.

_I did tell you 'If you play with fire you get burned' you're an ass hole. You had her Grey, you had everything and it still wasn't enough to stop you from fucking it up. You don't deserve her, you never did._

I sit waiting outside the bathroom; I just want to know if she's okay? I sit there for another ten minutes and I can still hear her sobs. Suddenly there's an almighty smash and I grab my car keys as the lock is one that you can open from outside, I suppose it's for when someone passes out in the bathroom. I shake those thoughts and use the side of one of my keys to turn the lock, and pull the door open. I look around the room and it's trashed. The mirror is broken; glass all over the place, everything that was on the counter is lying on the floor. Ana is curled into a ball, naked on the floor with lots of sharp shards of glass all around her. I bend down and pull Ana into my chest, kissing her hair, reassuring her that we'd get past this; we have to get passed it. I can't bear the distance between us.

"Baby I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry. Forgive me please. Don't fight me." I was desperate.

Ana pulls away from my arms and starts beating the shit out of my chest incoherently wailing about my betrayal. After she's got it all out we both cry holding each other until I notice blood on the floor and all over Ana.

"Do you think we can get off the floor baby? I need to see where you've cut yourself, there's blood on the floor and on the towel."

She simply nods and I scoop her into my arms gently. I have to see where she's bleeding from. I press the buzzer to get the nurses attention. She comes right in and looks over Ana whilst I repeatedly apologize for my outburst, and that I'll pay for the damage and add a few more zero's on to their usual check. The nurse leaves after treating Ana's minor cuts.

"Why did you do that Christian? Why did you tell them that it was you who trashed the bathroom?"

She looks so confused. She should know why I did it, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

"I did it because I love you and I need to protect you, keep you safe."

She rolls her eyes and immediately my palms are twitching.

"Ana, I need to know if there is even a remote possibility of us getting passed this. I know I've hurt you terribly - I'd die if the shoe was on the other foot and you had been with someone else. I can't even imagine what something of that magnitude would feel like. Just please know that I regret it, and that I love you - I never stopped loving you and I never will. I'll love you until I take my last breath, and probably beyond it. I... I'm sorry okay. Please just tell me what I have to do to show you how sorry I am?"

"Christian. I love you so much and that's why this hurts even more. If I didn't love you with every fiber of my being I wouldn't be in so much pain. It hurts to breathe, everything hurts so much. Please just leave, give me time to get my head space sorted out. I can't tell you if we'll get passed this because I don't know if I can forgive you. God, yesterday I was blissfully unaware - and even though I know what you were doing I wish I could turn back the clock, anything not to feel this pain. Just please leave."

"I love you Ana." She doesn't look up at me, just stares at the floor in tears.

"So you keep saying. I wish that I could believe you. If you love me at all you'll do as I ask."

"I haven't even got to hold my daughter yet and you're asking me to leave." As soon as the words leave my lips I regret saying them as Ana's head springs up and she looks at me with pure hate in her eyes.

"SHE WOULD STILL BE INSIDE ME IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND DON'T COME BACK. I SWEAR CHRISTIAN, LEAVE. NOW!"

I slowly get up and walk out, leaving my heart and soul with Ana in her room.

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What do you think so far? Am I still making Ana strong, but not like over-dramatic or anything? Please review if you have time :D

-Susie xoxo


	11. Chapter 11: Bad News Travels Fast!

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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It's been four days since I last saw Christian. I thought he'd have put up more of a fight, or at least try to contact me. Maybe I did the wrong thing, maybe I sent him right into her arms. I'm sitting in the hospital bed, one sitting with one leg tucked under my behind with Olivia lying in front of me squirming. We have all of our stuff packed and are waiting on Grandma Grace to come and pick us up. I lift Olivia up and hold her close to my chest, my nose on top of her head - inhaling her pure, cleansing baby smell.

"I miss your daddy Olivia; I miss him so, so much." I say softly. She starts fussing so I stand up and pace the room with her. She isn't hungry and I just changed her - she's obviously feeling my anxiety. Eventually she settles back down and I place her into the car seat with a blanket over her. There's a small timid knock on the door and I look up to find Grace leaning on the door frame.

"Hi Ana."

"Oh Hi Grace." I give her a sad smile.

"Darling, I have to warn you. There is a ton of paparazzi camped outside. The news of Christian's affair broke today. They were questioning why he wasn't coming to the hospital and managed to get the nurses to give them information. Carrick and his legal team are trying to figure out who talked to the press."

I close my eyes and pray that the nature of his affair doesn't get out.

"Have you spoken to Christian?" I ask, concerned.

"Carrick spoke with him. He's only concerned about you and the children. Taylor and Sawyer are waiting out in the hall to escort us to the car. The press is having a field day with this!"

"Jason Taylor, Luke Sawyer - you both better get your butts in here." I shout, knowing they are just outside. They quickly enter the room and are both blushing. Taylor tries to mask his obvious embarrassment with an awkward cough and adjustment of his tie.

"Mrs. Grey." Taylor says with a nod.

"Taylor, how do you suggest we proceed, security wise?" I say looking at my tiny baby girl - who already has soft chocolate-brown waves in the little hair she has, and the gorgeous patented Grey pout.

"Place a blanket over the top of the car seat, so that the flashes of the cameras don't scare Olivia, and so they don't get any pictures of her. If it's alright with you Ma'am I'll carry the car seat. She'll be safe with me and Sawyer will help you and Dr. Grey to move through the crowd. Ryan already has the SUV waiting at the entrance."

Okay. I can do this. I reach into my purse and grab my sunglasses, put them on and say:

"Well, let's get this show on the road." Taylor and Sawyer both nod as I put the blanket over the top of the car seat and Grace gives me a sad but reassuring smile. Taylor picks up Olivia's car seat and we leave the hospital.

Moving through the crowd of photographers, all of which were shouting various questions at me, like I'm going to answer them anyways.

"Mrs. Grey is it true that your husband is having an affair?"

"Mrs. Grey are you getting a divorce?"

"Why hasn't Mr. Grey visited you?"

"Are you going to take half of everything?"

I couldn't move, neither could Grace - they were all around us, I couldn't see because of their flashing camera's but Sawyer kept his arms around us and kept pushing forward. Finally we make it into the SUV and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"This is freaking crazy Grace."

"I know Ana. I just wish my son didn't do this to you; you've given him so much. I... I'm so disappointed in him darling." Her eye's glisten with the tears she's trying to hold back.

"Me too Grace. I tried to be everything he needed; I guess I always knew I'd never be enough to keep him."

"Anastasia Grey, you listen to me right now, my son doesn't deserve you - not now. I hate to say this but ... you deserve more, more than this humiliation." tears spill from my eyes, everything hurts.

"I'm scared Grace ... how the hell am I supposed to cope with the media, running my company with two kids and a newborn? I'm all on my own in this now and it scares the shit out of me!"

She takes my hand in hers and squeezes tightly whilst looking into my eyes.

"You are not on your own. Never think that way, please Ana you have family to support you, we'll help as much as you need us too, we always will ... whatever you decide to do."

I know that this is her way of saying 'if you divorce my son we'll still love you' I just want to curl into a ball and hide until this all blows over.

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**I thought I'd treat you to another chapter since I am getting so many reviews and words of encouragement. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**- Susie. xoxo**


	12. Chapter 12: Seattle Nooz

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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I wake pretty early in the morning. I feel and look like shit. I just want go home, and be with my babies - with my love. But I've ruined any hope of that. I've never seen Ana so utterly broken. I get up and head to the kitchen to get something to eat. I don't want to, I'm not even hungry it's just out of habit that I force myself to eat. I grab myself a bowl of Cheerio's sit at the breakfast bar. My blackberry starts ringing and for a split second I think Anastasia wants to talk to me, but when I pick it up I notice it's my dad's name on the screen. I reluctantly pick up the phone knowing he's going to yell at me about what's happened.

"Hello dad, have you heard anything from Ana? How is she? How are the kids?" I ask him hoping he gives me some information before he starts shouting at me for being a failure of a husband and father.

"Hi Christian. We have a problem."

"What problem are Ana and the kids okay? I'm going crazy here with worry!"

"Maybe if you'd kept it in your pants you wouldn't have to worry" I sigh. So it begins.

"Well what's the fucking problem dad? If you've just called to yell at me I'd like to go back to my pit of misery."

"Go on your laptop and have a look at that awful Seattle Nooz blog that got the scoop when you and Ana got engaged. Call me back once you've read it."

With that he hangs up the phone. I quickly go into my study and boot up my computer. I ignore my stuffed inbox and open up the web browser and type in the URL. I notice the post my father is talking about, there's a photo of me leaving the hospital the other day, and another of when I arrived at Escala. I scroll down and read the article - if that's what you can even attempt to call it.

-_**TROUBLE IN PARADISE FOR SEATTLE'S POWER COUPLE?! **_

_As we all know the stunning Mrs. Anastasia Grey gave birth a daughter four days ago after going into premature labor. Mr. Grey was seen leaving the hospital the day after his wife gave birth and headed straight to the couple's apartment in central Seattle and no one has seen him since. He hasn't been back to the hospital and we've all been left wondering what could have possibly happened to our favorite couple? Seattle Nooz was on the hunt for information, and information we found._

_A few of the nurses who worked closely with the Grey's when Ana went into labor had this to say:_

_"When Mrs. Grey arrived at the hospital she was accompanied by her mother-in-law Dr. Trevelyan, Mr. Grey arrived shortly afterwards and was taken to the suite where his wife was situated. A few moments later shouting was heard coming from their room and Mr. Grey left and sat in one of the family rooms, we were informed that he wasn't allowed to enter the room where his wife was giving birth. A while later Ana's best friend and sister-in-law Katherine Kavanagh Grey arrived at stayed with Ana throughout her labour, as did Dr. Trevelyan. After their daughter was born she was taken down to NICU due to breathing problems and Ana had to be sedated as she was hysterical. Mr. Grey went down and spent time with the baby, now known as Olivia Katherine Grey (collective awww) with his mother; who was already in the unit. Once they we're done visiting with the baby, Dr. Trevelyan took Mr. Grey into Ana's suite. A few minutes later Dr. Trevelyan and Katherine left the suite and sat in the family waiting room, Katherine was seen as visibly crying and quite upset, they left the hospital shortly after._

_The next morning Mr. Grey came to the nurses' station and asked if someone could get him a wheelchair as his wife wanted to see the baby. They left the ward and went down to NICU and returned about an hour later. Once they re-entered the suite Ana was heard shouting and could be heard quite clearly saying and I quote_

_'You f*^$^d another woman Christian. I walked right into hell, seeing you with her - how could you? You caused this, I went into labor and we nearly lost our daughter because of you. I can't stand you and I can't stand that I love you right now'_

_About ten or fifteen minutes later we heard a lot of banging then a loud smash. It was quiet for another few minutes before Mr. Grey came out and asked for a nurse to look over his wife. The bathroom was trashed and the mirror had been smashed. Mr. Grey apologized and would pay for any damages. He claimed that he lost his temper and broke the mirror, although he had no cuts on his hands - Ana however did have cuts and scrapes on her knuckles and had to have us remove fragments of glass. The majority of the nursing staff agrees that it was more than likely that Ana had the outburst and trashed the room. A little while later Ana was heard shouting again saying:_

_'She would still be inside me if it wasn't for you. Get the f^$k out of here and don't come back. I swear Christian. Leave now.'_

_Mr. Grey walked out of the suite and left the hospital in an Audi R8 and hasn't been back since"_

Well, well, well someone's been a naughty boy. We have to ask the questions on everyone's lips

Who is the mystery woman in Christian Grey's life, and why on EARTH would anyone want to cheat on the beauty that is Anastasia Grey? Is there a divorce on the horizon for the power couple? We sure hope not?  
-

I read the post about 15 times; I'm just sitting here in shock. If it's not bad enough that I humiliate Ana in private but now I've humiliated her publicly. She'll never talk to me again. She'll hate me even more. I flick the TV on and turn it onto that god-awful E!ntertanment channel. Which is providing live coverage outside the hospital. She isn't safe - how the hell are they going to get her out of that hospital with the crowd of reporters and photographers. I grab my phone and call my dad back.

"Dad, I read it. What do I do?"

"Damage control son - GEH has to release a statement to either confirm or deny these reports. We need to find out who talked to them, and press charges - they have released confidential information and they need to be fired and sued."

"I don't care about me, all I care about is Ana - god, she'll be humiliated. What have I done?" I say, I need to make this right for Ana.

"Ana is being discharged this morning. Your mother is just getting ready to leave with Taylor, Sawyer and Ryan.

"Who's with the kids, please tell me you haven't left Gail with the kids and no security?"

"I'm with the kids and Gail. Whilst you've been having your pity party your mother and I have been staying at the house to look after the kids whilst Ana has been in the hospital." I let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding

"Has she mentioned seeing me or letting me see the kids?"

"I don't think so son. Christian, as much as she doesn't want too, Ana still loves you. That's why she's so hurt - if she didn't love you she wouldn't be crying all the time."

I sigh. This is the worst I have ever felt.

"Dad, If she wants to talk I'll be here - tell her I'm sorry and that I love her. I always will." I squeeze the words past the lump in my throat. Kiss my babies and tell them I miss them and I'll see them as soon as I can. Bye dad."

I hang up the phone and turn to look out the window. What have I done? I've ruined everything, I've lost her. I've fucking lost the best thing that's ever happened to me. I fall to my knees, my head in my hands and sob. I will fight for her, I always will. I won't stop until she's mines again.

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** I am so stoked that you are all enjoying this story. Thanks for all the amazing reviews; I am glad that you are all reacting so emotinally to this piece. For obvious reasons I can't join in on the speculation to whether they will or won't get back together, you'll just have to stay on this crazy ride with me to find out! **

**- S. xoxoxo**


	13. Chapter 13: Big Steps

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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I wake up for the third time with my eye's hanging in my head.

_You wouldn't be so tired if you let Christian come home. WE NEED HIM YOU IDIOT!_ If it was possible I would tackle her to the floor, even though I know she's right; I don't want to see, speak or listen to any bullshit from Christian Grey.

I have to get the kids' stuff ready to take to their fathers for the weekend. I don't want the kids to know what's going on with us, thankfully Gracie and Olivia are too young to understand but Teddy has been asking questions nonstop - I always knew my quizzical nature would bite me on the ass one day! I yawn as I shuffle like a zombie towards Olivia's crib; I gently lift my two week old daughter and hold her close to me.

"Princess, its 4am - I thought we had a deal? You're not s'posed to wake up for another hour." I half speak and yawn at the same time

She really is the most gorgeous little girl. She has pale creamy skin, chocolate brown curls and her father's eyes; I can't help but cry whenever I look at her.

"I miss your daddy baby boo. I miss him so, so much." I say as I sit in the rocking chair with tears in my eyes and start to nurse. My mind starts to wander, thinking of everything I need to do.

I'll have to express some milk before Taylor picks the kids up at 10am. Olivia won't settle with Christian, she also doesn't like bottles so he can only have her for a maximum of three hours, but each time I send her I always make sure to have plenty of my milk handy just in case she actually settles and stays for a longer period of time with her father, not that I'd let him have her overnight anyway; he lost that privilege when he screwed around. Usually she's just gone for the afternoon, which is fine with me as I look forward to those precious three hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Thankfully Grace helped me with arranging for Christian to see the children. I just can't face talking to him. I know I'll break down and take him back. For the time being I have to stay strong and keep my distance from him.

I look down at my beautiful baby and all I feel is sadness, because of my inconsiderate arse of a husband, my daughter's birthday will always be tainted with his betrayal. I want to go back to sleep but I know I will burst into tears if I go back into our bedroom, I just want someone to hold me, tell me that I'm beautiful and loved. What if I never feel that again? I mean, what decent man is going to want someone with three kids, trust issues and a megalomaniac arse as an ex-husband, although we aren't divorced ... yet. I place Olivia back into her crib and tiptoe down the hall into Gracie's room.

She's at the wrong end of the bed, with her bronze curls splayed over her face snoring softly. She's a deep sleeper so I scoop her into my arms and carry her back to my room. Instinctively she wraps her arms around my neck and her heads resting on my shoulder.

"I love you Gracie pie." I say as we snuggle into each other. I have consulted with Carrick about getting a divorce, I know I have him on adultery but I'm just not ready to file the paperwork yet. I try to calm my mind and get a few more hours sleep before I start the torture of another day alone, but I keep replaying my conversation with Carrick over and over in my brain.

~Last week~

_I have an important matter to attend to but I keep putting it off, as if by not addressing it, it won't be really happening. Gail has been a god send; I don't know what I would have done without her these last two weeks. My brain is on auto-pilot, getting through small tasks step by step. I decide to call Grace to see If I can have an informal meeting with Carrick_

_"Hello, Gray residence"  
"Hi Grace, its Ana."  
"Oh Hi Ana, how're you doing?" She asks tentatively  
"Not so good. I'm actually calling to see if I can maybe come over and chat to Carrick about some stuff. I just want advice, and I don't want to consult someone publicly if you know what I mean." I reply in a small voice. Grace doesn't say anything and I start to think that maybe this was a bad idea.  
"Its okay Grace, just forget about it. I don't want to put you in an awkward position or anything" I hear her breath hitch as she tries to regain her composure  
"Um. I'll put you onto Carrick dear." I can hear her sniffing, I know she's in a crappy situation, we all are. But I need to put my children first, my own pain and discomfort will be addressed when I have everything else in hand._

_"Hi Ana, its Carrick. What can I help you with?"…"Hi, sorry to bother you with all this, but would it be alright if Olivia and I come over? It's just I'd rather do this in person."  
"Ana, you don't have to ever ask to come over here; you and the children are always welcome in our home. We think of you as our daughter sweetheart." I get choked up and have to take some deep calming breaths.  
"Thank you, for everything. You guys have been really kind to me during the time that I've been with Christian, and I'm sorry that it's come to this. I didn't want any of this Carrick."  
"We know Ana, we know. We'll be here for you, whatever you decide to do. Please remember that you'll always have us. Why don't you come over just now, we'd love to see Olivia for a little while, and you too."  
"I'll be over in about 20 minutes then, if that's alright?"  
"Sure thing, we'll see you then" We say our goodbyes and I get Olivia's stuff ready. Teddy and Gracie are staying with Gail as it's just about time for their dinner and I don't want to disrupt their routines, especially with the major changes that have happened._

_I lift Olivia's car seat out of the car and walk up to the porch. Grace opens the door and I can tell she's been crying. My chin quivers as she takes me in her arms and holds me so tightly._

_"Come in darling. Oh look at you sweetie, you're getting so big." She says to Olivia. I pass the car seat to Grace, and follow her into the family room. She instantly picks Olivia up and holds her in her expert arms._

_"She's put on weight; she wouldn't feed from the bottle when Christian had her last weekend."_

_"Yeah, she won't take it from me either. I mean, I never really had to combination feed so early with Teddy or Gracie, not until they were at least six or seven months old. This is all new to me, so I'm learning as I go."_

_"I am so sorry, for everything Ana." I grasp her hand and give it a gentle squeeze._

_"You have nothing to apologize for Grace…" I pause and take a deep breath "How… how is he?" I swallow, closing my eyes as if to brace myself for her answer._

_"Not good Ana. In fact he's a mess; he always makes an effort when he has the children though." It makes me furious that I actually feel sorry for him. I don't want to feel that way; it angers me that I feel that way. I want to hate him, but I love him so much._

_"I wish things could be different, I really do. I want nothing more than to just pretend that none of this ever happened… but I just can't Grace and it's killing me. I miss him so much, I hate that I miss him!" She Puts Olivia in the bouncy chair we have here and takes me in her arms._

_"I hate to see you both so miserable without each other and I'd love to see you work everything out. But I also know as a wife and a mother that if Carrick done what Christian done I'd leave him and never look back." _

_"I'm just sick of being sad, I'm sick of hurting, and I'm sick of loving him" Just at that Carrick comes inside and kisses Grace's forehead and strokes Olivia's face._

_"Do you want to talk to me in my study Ana?"_

_"Yes, that would be great. Are you alright with Olivia?" Grace waves her hand at me and I smile. At least I'll always have their support, whatever happens._

_Carrick shows me to the chair and takes a seat behind his desk, picking up a leather bound notepad._

_"What is it you'd like to talk about? I'm assuming that it's some sort of legal advice Ana?"_

_"Well yes. I just want to know where I stand with regards to … um. To divorcing Christian." I say as the tears slip down my cheeks. Carrick hands me a handkerchief with his initials embroidered onto it. _

_"It's okay Ana. Please remember that you're the injured party in this."_

_"I know, I just feel like I've failed. I always swore that when I had children they'd have a mom and a dad, that they wouldn't know what it's like to spend holidays apart and that we'd always be a real family. I know that this situation isn't my fault but I just … I just miss him so much. Its killing me every single day, but I can't take him back, not after publicly humiliating me in front of the whole world." An involuntary sob escapes my chest._

_"Ana you have to give this time, and not rush into any decisions. I don't think you're ready to take any big steps. But I can explain everything to you, so that when you are ready, you can get it all done without hesitation."_

_"Thank you. I'm not delusional, I know he won't sign any divorce papers. I just want to know what I can do if he refuses to sign"_

_"Well, when you file you can either file for a no-fault divorce, meaning that neither party is to blame for the breakdown of your marriage" I snort in response to the 'no-fault' option. "Or you can file on adultery. If he refuses to sign it'll be sent to a judge to make a decision, but obviously there will be massive media interest with this option, as anything that goes through the courts is of public record." I nod, indicating that I understand both options. But he's right, I'm not ready to make this step; I just want to have all my ducks in a row for when I am ready._

_"I just want to make sure you know that I don't want any of his money. All I want is the house on the sound, and Grey Publishing. The children already have trust funds, so I don't want or need any kind of cash settlement."_

_"Ana, I'm sure you'll come to some arrangement about that kind of thing when the time comes."_

_"I never married Christian for his money Carrick. I know I have the right to half of everything, but I hope you know me enough by now to know that I would never do that to him, even though he's destroyed my heart, he built GEH, from the ground up. In my mind I have no right to any of it."_

_"You'll never know how much I regret ever suggesting the need for a pre-nuptial agreement with you Ana. You were the best thing to ever happen to my son and I'm heart-sick that he's treated you so poorly."_

_"That's water under the bridge Carrick, I just wanted to make sure that you didn't think that I would be so spiteful, as much as I don't want too, I still love him with all my heart and soul, I don't think there will ever be anyone else for me. But I can't forgive him for what he done; we almost lost our daughter because of what I walked in on." I push the words out past the lump in my throat and take a deep breath as Carrick does the same. I see the sadness written all over Carrick's face as I'm sure it is mirrored on mine._

_"Would you please let him know that when I do file, and he refuses to sign that I will take it to the courts, I won't have any hesitation. I wish it didn't have to end like this, but I just don't see a way back for us, for our marriage" He shocks me by walking around his desk and wrapping his arms around me._

_"If you need anything, anything at all, please call me. When you feel up to it, call him and talk about everything. You'll never be completely out of each other's lives no matter what the outcome of your marriage is. So you need to have an amicable relationship for the sake of the children."_

_"I'll call him soon. I'm just not at that place just yet. I think we're doing alright with our arrangement for the time being, but as soon as I am ready I'll talk to him."_

After running through everything in my mind I make the decision to meet Christian at Escala after he has this weekend with Ted and Gracie; who is still snuggled into me, I bury my nose in her bronze curls; we're not sure where her hair color comes from, but it is simply gorgeous. I have to get their stuff ready in the morning to go to their dads. I eventually drift into a troubled sleep with Christian Grey in my minds eye.


	14. Chapter 14: Please make it stop hurting

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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I pull into the driveway of my parents and Teddy is hopping from foot to foot with excitement at the door.

"Hi Daddy." he says as he leaps into my arms.

"Hey Kiddo, You miss me or something?"

"Daddy, when are you coming home?" He asks with sad eyes. This is my punishment, I knew I was risking hurting Ana, but it didn't enter my mind that I would be hurting my kids as well.

"I don't know Teddy. You're mom and I, well we're just trying to both be there for you whilst we sort some stuff out okay."

"'Okay dad, but I know mommy misses you, she always cries when I go to bed. She think's I can't hear her but I do. It makes me sad when mommy cries - if you come home, mommy will smile all the time like she used to. Please daddy."

I gulp as my heart throbs. Fuck. What have I done? How am I supposed to explain that his mother won't let me come home?

"It's not as simple as that sport. It's grown up stuff, I'm really sorry that I can't explain everything right now."

"That's what mommy always says too. I HATE YOU BOTH." Teddy yells as he runs into the house crying. I'm can't believe he just said that. God this is a shitty situation.

_Well, it's your own fault Grey. You caused this, your family is in pain and it's all because you didn't keep it in your pants._

I'm still standing outside when my mom comes outside and hugs me.

"Christian, he just doesn't understand what's going on. It's really confusing for him; you and Ana have to talk, at least for the children's sake."

"DON'T YOU THINK I'VE TRIED MOM? I'VE BENT BACKWARDS TRYING TO MAKE HER SEE HOW SORRY I AM, SHE WON'T LISTEN, SHE WON'T LET ME COME HOME OR TALK TO HER OVER THE PHONE. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!" I run my hands through my hair in frustration.

"I miss her so much. I just want her back. I know I fucked up but she's making the kids suffer along with us."

"Whoa, back up a second. Did I just hear you say 'she's making the children suffer'?"

I look down at my feet and refuse to meet my mother's gaze.

"Ana did NOTHING wrong Christian! How do you think it felt to walk in on you with another woman, I have seen you say and do some shitty things in your life, but that right there was the worst." She says as she goes upstairs to console my son. I don't think this could possibly feel any worse. I'll do anything to escape this pain.

I walk into the family room and Olivia is squirming in her travel crib. I bend down and pick her up and hold her to my chest, and inhale her unique baby scent.

"Hey peanut, Daddy misses you; I can't believe that you are a whole two weeks old now." I say as I rock her gently in my arms, kissing her chocolate brown hair, which is just like Gracie's when she was an infant, except hers was lighter. Gracie comes running into the room and squeals when she sees me.

"Daaaaaaaaaadddy! I miss you."

"Hey Princess, have you been good for mommy, grandma and grandpa?"

"Uh huh. I has been reeeeeally good daddy. Can I have big hug?"

"I'll give you a reeeeeally big hug once I finish up with your little sister okay?"

"Is Liv seepy daddy?"

"Yep, when she goes down for her nap you can tell daddy all about your week, how does that sound?"

She nods excitedly and starts playing with the toys that she has piled in the middle of the floor. I don't know how Ana handles three kids and working from home, she amazes me. I put Olivia down once she's asleep and watch cartoons with Teddy and Gracie for a little bit whilst my mom gets dinner ready. I look over at the clock once we've finished eating and it's about time for Olivia to head back to her mother. I always try to feed her, but she refuses point blank to take the bottle from any of us. She's crying as I struggle with her.

"Come on baby girl; drink your milk for daddy, please?" I beg as I pace. I try for another fifteen minutes but it's no use. I put her little snuggle suit on and place her in the car seat, and call Taylor to bring the car around. I strap her seat into the car and remind Taylor that he has very precious cargo in the back. He responds with a simple nod, as he always does. As soon as I go back into the house and my dad calls me into his study. He only ever does this when he wants to yell at me, I feel like I'm 14 again and going to get grounded for fighting.

"Have a seat son." He says as he points towards one of the chairs in front of his desk with his chin. I take a seat, I'm on edge and agitated as I know whatever he is going to say can't be good.

"Christian. I've spoken with Ana about something; she came to me for advice last week. I feel like I should warn you, I don't want you to be surprised by this when it happens." He says whilst looking me in the eye. Concern evident on his face. I'm terrified. I know what he's going to say, and I feel my broken shattered heart splinter even more.

"Ana came to me for advice about filing for divorce." I can't breathe. I get up and pace back and forth in his office. I can't think straight. I am on the verge of a full scale panic attack. I try to concentrate on my breathing but it's no use. I undo a few buttons of my shirt to give me some breathing room but it's not working. I stop pacing and breathe slowly and deeply. My heart is racing so I try to concentrate on my breathing after a few deep breaths my heart begins to slow from its furious pace.

"When is she filing the paperwork?" I ask. Completely devastated, tears slip from my eyes and I dash them away angrily.

"She hasn't said son. She told me to tell you that when she does file, if you refuse to sign, she'll file on grounds of adultery and you'll have to go through the courts and to tell you that the choice is yours."

Oh god. I can't breathe; she's giving me no choice. No options, there's no hope of ever rectifying this situation. I thought she just needed time and space to calm down, but now... what have I done? I run both hands through my hair in exasperation.

"Dad, why did I do it, what made me be so god damn stupid? How can I fix it if she won't let me?" I ask, more to myself rather than my dad. My heart has been ripped apart and I did it with my own bare hands. I can see that my dad is upset with me, with this whole situation. I've disappointed my parents yet again.

"Son, I know this is hard to accept; but sometimes, when something gets so broken, it's just impossible to repair."

"NO. I can fix this, I have to fix it dad. I refuse to live without her. I won't, if she doesn't want me anymore then I don't want to be here. I can't, I won't live without her." I say as I sob. I sink to the floor with my head resting on my knees, I wrap my arms around my chest to stop myself from falling apart and rock back and forth as I cry.

"I can't sleep, I can't work. Even the nightmares are back, although now they're not about my childhood. They're about Ana... a...bout her...f...finding someone else! I won't be able to bear that dad. I just don't want to live like this anymore. I need Ana… dad please!"

I think I hear my dad yell on my mother but all I can really hear is my blood rushing in my ears. I feel her arms wrap around me and I hold on for dear life.

"Mom, make it stop hurting please? I'll do anything just make it stop hurting! I ... I need her, I need Ana. I want my family back." I say into her neck as I weep. My mom is sitting on the floor with her arms around me, she's crying too; and trying to offer me some comfort, some solace in my time of need. The only person I want comfort from right now is my wife.

"Christian, darling." she smiles through her tears, but it's a sad smile, a smile of accepting the inevitable. "You can't give up, even if you and Ana don't get back together; you have three beautiful children to live for. I don't want to hear you talk like that ever again." she says sternly looking me in the eye. The only response I am capable of giving her at the moment is a simple nod.

Gracie comes toddling into my father's study and I dash the tears from my eyes. I don't want her to see me like this.

"Daddy, are you sad?"

"Yeah baby girl, I'm sad. Can you give me a hug? It'll make daddy feel better?" I say my voice quiet as a whisper.

"Otay daddy." She says and wraps her little arms around my neck. She smells like Ana. I start to cry as I rub her back. I know that I need to be strong for the children but I just can't do it anymore. My life has gone to hell in a hand basket.

"When momma is sad and cry, my cuggles always maked her better. See daddy, me maked it better." she says with a big smile.

"Is momma said all the time Gracie?" I ask in a quiet voice as she sits on my lap, her little legs around my waist and her hands on my face.

"Momma always cried all the times. Maybe you come give her your special cuggles and you can maked her happy 'gain daddy?" She says, so sure that it will work. Oh baby I wish I could. I just hold her tightly against me. I don't give her an answer; there is no answer.

I get up from the floor and get the kids ready to head to Escala for the weekend. I never wanted this; I never wanted to be away from them. I miss my old life. I have learned a hard lesson today; just because kids are young, it doesn't mean that they don't understand what's going on. I've hurt Ana, and it seems like its irreparable damage, but worse than that my kids have to watch their mother be broken hearted; and it's all my fault. I need to fix it but I don't know how. We arrive at Escala and I carry a sleeping Grace up to her room then read with Teddy until he falls asleep. I turn off his lamp and quietly close the door. I head along the hall to my own, very empty, very lonely bed.

At least when the kids are with me, this place isn't quite so haunting; it's much worse when I'm here alone. This situation sucks, I have to fix it, and soon; 'cause right now things with Ana are just getting worse.


	15. Chapter 15: We need to talk

Musical recommendations are a must for this chapter, please read whilst listening to these!

**For Ana's POV**  
Cry – Kelly Clarkson: /watch?v=QB1aQlAa5Jk

**For Christian's POV**  
Already Gone – Kelly Clarkson: /watch?v=MFG8OAHn65c

**This is a major tear jerker guys so fair warning. I have literally sobbed whilst writing it**_. This is a reeeeeally long chapter cause I wanted to address everything in this chapter and didn't want to leave you hanging, so instead of updating multiple times I figured you'd like it better this way. Please continue to review cause it makes me soooo happy! Enjoy :D 3_

_**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**_

* * *

I'm sitting on the sofa with Olivia in my arms, she's such gorgeous little girl, but maybe I am bias. I stare at the phone in my hand; I'm trying to pluck up the courage to call Christian. It's been three weeks since I had any contact with him and I think I'm ready for some answers. I want to know … I _need_ to know why, plus I can't continue to pretend he doesn't exist. I never wanted this for my children, and I am still deeply and irrevocably in love with their father; but what's done is done. I doubt that we'll ever make it back from this, which makes my heart ache even more. I mean, if we are completely over, how am I going to feel a year down the line and he meets someone else, would I even be able to withstand that kind of pain?

_Stop running yourself around in circles, you'll never know anything until you talk to him! _I know my inner voice is right but I'm terrified to let him go, but I know that I can't go back. A marriage is nothing without trust. I take a deep breath and call his cell phone. If I'm being honest I'd prefer to leave a message, it won't be as difficult. I know how much he's suffering and I hate myself for caring about that fact. I guess I am fool, a fool for love. Love isn't enough; it never was, at least not for Christian, he had it in abundance.

My heart starts racing as I hear the call connect

"Ana!" My chest constricts as I hear the hope in his voice. There is no hope, not for us. I can't move on when there is so much uncertainty surrounding us, not that it'll make this any easier to get through. We haven't officially released a statement concerning our separation, there is so much speculation surrounding our relationship at the moment but I'm not in any fit state to address that. I don't think I'll ever be ready to admit to the world that I wasn't enough; I bet Elena has loved every fucking minute that our relationship has been splashed across the papers, magazines and TV.

"Hello, Ana are you there?" His tone brings me back to the here and now.

"Hi" I don't know what else to say? I hear him sigh upon hearing my voice.

"Ana, I … we need to talk. Please baby, I miss seeing you every day. I'm sorry for what I done to you, I don't know how many times I've wished I never did what I did to you and the kids."

"Well, it's a little late for 'sorry' don't you think?" He winces at the sarcasm that is oozing in my voice. "You're right, it is too late for 'sorry', but we still need to talk. Is it okay to come over, or are you busy with … whatever her name is?"

"NO! Ana, how can you say that? I've learned my lesson. These weeks have been hell. I haven't seen Allyson since the night you went into labour, you can come here anytime; day or night and I'll be here"

"It's also known as the night I caught you, but I'm just splitting hairs. I'll be over in about an hour. I just want to make sure that you are aware that I am coming over for answers, every sordid fucking detail and you'll give them to me!"

"Ana, why do you want to know? It's over, it'll never happen again." _Sure. I believe you!_

"Whatever Christian, if you won't give me my answers then I'm not coming over, simple as that." I know he wants to see me and I used that little fact to my advantage. I'll never be the person I used to be; the pain and subsequent bitterness has made me so much stronger. He will never walk all over me again, I won't let that happen! After what feels like forever he sighs heavily, knowing I didn't give him any alternative.

"Okay, I'll see you in an hour, and I promise I'll tell you whatever you want to know. I swear." I scoff again.

"Your promises mean jack shit to me Mr Grey. I guess we'll have to wait and see if you keep your word or not, you couldn't even keep your vows."

I hang up before he has the chance to say anything else. I know that I am being curt with him but what else does he expect? I go upstairs to shower and dress up, he needs to see me at my best, and he needs to see what he's lost, what he'll never have again.

I curl my hair in loose waves, and wear my fitted grey pencil skirt accompanied with a white sleeves blouse that is has ruffles down the front; I leave the top two buttons undone to show my impressive cleavage, breast feeding does have some advantages. I wear nude silk stockings and garter belt, and to finish the outfit off, six inch black suede Laboutines. I keep my make up fairly natural; I used a light tinted moisturizer, I passed on the mascara, I'll just end up looking like a panda anyway, and finish up with some nude lip gloss. I give myself the once over and even I have to admit I look hot!

_Just not hot enough for Christian. _Sometimes I really hate my subconscious, she's so mean. I go downstairs and head straight for the kitchen table where each of my babies are eating their dinner. I kiss each of their heads in turn.

"Be good for GG and do as she asks please"

"We will mom. Will you be back before we go to bed?"

"I don't know baby, but I'll try okay?"

"Okay mom. I love you." My heart melts. I have to be strong for them. I repeat this mantra in my head over and over again.

"Love you momma! Kiss" Gracie puckers her lips and grabs my cheeks as she smacks her lips on mine. She is so adorable.

I inform Gail that I am going over to Escala to talk to Christian, and that I should be back in time to tuck the bambino's in. She gives me a reassuring hug and tells me how good I look. I can't even smile, I know how emotionally draining this is going to be. I head out to my R8 and drive into the city to end things with my first and only love; isn't life just fucking peachy?!

* * *

I pace the length of the great room, I haven't seen Ana for three weeks. Three of the worst weeks I've had to endure since I was a little boy. I know that I done wrong, I know that I hurt the one person I always vowed I'd protect. I deserve to be miserable but to hear Ana's voice, laced with so much pain was… devastating. I know what Ana is coming here to do, she's going to ask me for a divorce and I don't think I can do it, I just need to buy enough time to convince her that I made a terrible mistake, and that it'll never happen again.

_You make it sound so easy Grey! You have no chance of getting her forgiveness. _The worst thing is that I know he's right! I'm deep in thought when I hear the elevator ping, announcing Ana's arrival. I hear her heels hitting off the marble floor and my heart is beating its way out of my chest.

She walks through the door and the breath gets knocked out of me. She is so sexy, she gave birth just three weeks ago and she already has her body back to its normal perfection. She pauses and stares into my eyes.

"Back to the scene of the crime." She says in a quiet tone.

"Ana, you look divine. I miss you so much baby, I hop…" She cuts me off by raising her hand.

"Save the bullshit Christian. I do not want nor need your pathetic attempts at reassurance." I think he is a little shocked by _new_ Ana.

_He's not the only one!_

He motions me to take a seat at the L shaped sofa. I smooth my skirt down the backs of my thigh before sitting down. We sit in silence; for what feels like forever, no one saying a thing. We sit right next to each other but angled in, so that we are facing together.

"I guess I'll start since you're never going to. What's her name?" Christian is sitting, leaning his elbows on top of his thighs; his hands are clasped together as if to pray, with his head bowed and resting on his hands.

_He needs to pray for forgiveness, not that he deserves it. _Finally, my subconscious agrees with me. Let's face it, that is a first.

"This is hard, but if you want answers I'll give them to you. Her name is Allyson Anderson." So the whore has a name. I steel myself to ask the next question.

"Please tell me the truth; full disclosure?" He nods in agreement.

"How long did it go on? Have there been any others? How long did you stay faithful to me, to our family?"

"We had been seeing each other for about 4 months." I feel like I've been punched in the gut, all the air has been knocked out of me "To answer you're next question, no. There haven't been any others. I was faithful to you and our family up until I met Allyson."

"How did you meet her?" I all but whisper, angrily dashing my tears away.

_I must stay strong, I must say strong, I must stay strong, I must stay strong. _I breathed deeply to calm my heart rate.

"Go on… How did you meet the little tramp?" I say, venom flying from me in bucked loads. He sighs and surrenders to his fate.

"I was working on a massively important deal. I was stressed out, so many families would lose their job, and with no money, how were they going to afford food? I tried my hardest to convince the owner to go through with the deal but the negotiations weren't going anywhere. I couldn't handle the thought of all those people losing their livelihood. I just needed to get out of the office, so I told Taylor to just go home and tell you that I wouldn't be home for dinner. I just drove and drove until I saw a little bistro. Allyson was my submissive for around 8 months, and we were together 4 years prior to us meeting" I close my eyes and listen to whatever else he has to say, he pauses when he notices my reaction.

"If you value your life, keep talking." I say without opening my eyes.

I went inside the bistro and sat at a table, Allyson was my waitress that day… When she walked up to me she immediately took the stance of a submissive. I was so frustrated with work, and seeing her again…. It just reminded me of the more extreme side of a BDSM relationship. I ordered and ate some food, we never really spoke or anything. I left and came home to you and the kids, but I couldn't get her, or the thought of beating the shit out of her out of my mind no matter what I tried.

About a week later we got conformation that the deal had collapsed and I just freaked out. I called Welch and asked him to get me an updated background check for Allyson, and once I had it I went to leave the office, then Taylor started to follow me out, so I turned around and told him that I didn't need a nanny and that if he valued his job he would do as he was told; which was to remain at GEH until I called and told him otherwise. I turned up at her house and that was the first time I was with her…" His jaw twitches, and I can tell he is gritting his teeth to stop himself from crying, trying to compose himself. I have tears in my eyes but that's nothing these days.

"Afterwards, I drove back to the office and finished up some work, then left with Taylor to come home to you. The worst part is that when I came home after fucking another woman you had wrapped up and gave me the box containing the positive pregnancy test" I try to reign the tears in but some of them slip down my cheeks anyway.

"I've betrayed you in the worst way and you'll never know how much I regret it Ana. I love you and seeing you like this… in so much pain…" he trails the sentence off, not knowing what else to say.

"So you've told me how it started, what I want to know is why the fuck you continued doing it, especially as I told you I was pregnant Christian? Pregnant, with your daughter. Why? Why did it continue?" I ask, no longer able to contain my anger or my sobs. He doesn't respond, he hasn't moved or looked at me since we sat down.

"FUCKING ANSWER ME YOU INCONSIDERATE BASTARD! WHY?" I roar at him, he flinches and his shoulders bob up and down. I want to wrap him in my arms and take away his pain, so I sit on my hands to stop me from doing so.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Ana. After the first time, I didn't go near her for about three weeks, I just wanted to take my frustrations out on someone, I couldn't take you into the playroom, and Allyson thrived on pain, she loved the extreme side. I couldn't and wouldn't physically hurt you Ana!"

"No, you just ripped my heart out with your bare hands, which caused us to nearly loss our daughter." My heart is aching.

"How many 'fake' business arrangements took my children's father away from them?"

"I swear to you, that was the first time I ever spent any more than a couple of hours with Allyson. I'd leave Taylor at GEH and meet Allyson at Escala at lunch time, twice a week until the night you found out." This is so much harder to listen to that I thought it would be.

"Did it feel as good as it looked, that night? You seemed to be having a whale of a time with her. Can you imagine for just one second how it would feel seeing me in ecstasy with another man buried inside me?" He lifts his gaze to meet my eyes for the first time during our little confessional, he screws his eyes shut and runs his hands through his hair.

"You're losing it and it's only in your imagination. I had to face that head on, with your baby inside me. Then I had to go through hell in labour not knowing if my baby was going to be strong enough to survive without you, because it was you that put me in that situation."

He looks back to the floor and nods, taking everything that I am throwing in his face. He has nothing to say, nothing to come back with because he was in the _wrong._ He suddenly gets up and kneels before me, looking up at me with earnest eyes.

"Ana, please… please give me one chance to make it up to you, please? I'll do anything for you not to give up on me. I can make this right, I can fix us. Please. I love you so much, please baby" His chin quivers and it breaks my heart. Wracked sobs escape from my chest, I try to calm myself but this is so much harder than I thought it would be. To see someone so utterly devastated by their own actions is hard, but to see it when it's someone you love with everything you have, makes it so much worse. I try to take some deep breaths, no matter how many breaths I take it'll never make this any easier to get through.

"Christian, you are the father of my children and I love you…" My tears continually fall, running down my cheeks and slipping into the corners of my mouth. "…but I can't. I can't go back, not after everything that's happened."

* * *

"Christian, you are the father of my children and I love you…" She has a look of utter devastation etched on her features. She has cried far too many tears because of what I did, what she walked in on. I'm a disgrace. She takes a deep breath and I hold mine. I close my eyes and wait for the sound of her shaky voice.

"…but I… I can't. I can't go back; not after everything that's happened, what I now know." I gasp, crushing pain and grief overwhelm me but I have to stay strong. I have to do the right thing for once in my pathetic existence. I've never been a good person; I've always been selfish, in all aspects of my life. I look up at the beautiful woman before me; even in devastation she still takes my breath away. I have to do what's best for her and my children, not what I want or need, not anymore.

This is by far, the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It's killing me with every breath I take. I take both her hands in mine and look into her gorgeous eyes; they were once so bright and innocent, now marred with the sadness of what I forced upon her. I feel like I'm going to pass out, tears are streaming from both of us. I smile up at her and take one last breath.

"Ana, you were the best thing that ever happened to me. You brought me to life; you taught me how to love and how to be loved in return. All you ever did was love me; and I was stupid enough to hurt you. I am so sorry, for everything." I look down to the floor. Shit, this is harder than I thought. Ana gives my hand a gentle squeeze; even now, after everything I've done she still reassures me.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, looking at you, like this." I pause, staring into her watery eyes.

"I am sickened at my actions. Baby, please know that you loved me enough, never doubt that. You were always enough! And if this is what you want…" An involuntary sob heaves from my chest as Ana's chin quivers.

"Christian… w…why does this feel like… like g...goodbye?" She asks her voice breaking. I kiss each of her knuckles in turn and try to draw enough strength to do what I have to do.

"Because, baby. I'm … I'm going to let… y..you go." I try to keep my composure but my heart is breaking, her heart is breaking and it's of my doing.

"And when the time comes, and you're ready, I'll sign the papers. You deserve more; you always have. Someone who will treat you the way you should be treated, all I've ever done is hurt you. I love you with all of my heart and soul, and I love you enough to let you go."

I can't hold back my emotions any longer, I collapse with my head on her lap, she runs her hands through my hair as she heaves sobs herself. I never thought it would end like this, I promised to always cherish and protect her. She pulls my face up to hers and presses her lips to mines, I can't breathe, as we kiss it feels both familiar and new, this is a goodbye kiss and we give it everything we have, we pour all the pain into this kiss and its killing me. Ana pulls away first, panting as am I. She uses the back of her thumbs to wipe her tears and we both stand up. She pulls me into an embrace and I bury my nose in her hair. I can't… this is too hard. It hurts, god does it hurt. She squeezes me so fucking tight; I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her so close that air couldn't pass between us. She leans in and places a wet cheek to mines and caresses my face when we pull apart. Her lip still trembling and breathes

"Goodbye Christian. I'll always love you." She walks out of the great room and out of my life as my wife, my love, my everything.

* * *

Someone pass me the mother fucking Kleenex; I am such a blubbering mess! This is not the end of the story; not by a long shot so don't be worried about that. I hope you all now know that Christian is truly sorry for what he done. He has always admitted that he is selfish when it comes to Ana, that even though he knew she deserved better than him, he had to have her so this is him finally putter her first. This has been the most emotionally challenging chapter of any story I've ever written. I cried so much whilst writing this and even though it was sad I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and still stick with me.

**Much Love**  
– _Susie._ xoxo


	16. Chapter 16: we'll get through this

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

* * *

I lean against elevator walls to remain upright. I can't see, I can't breathe. I am trembling all over. I have to do this, I can't go through life thinking; Is he actually at work? Is he with her? Is there someone else? My head knows I am doing the right thing, but I just left my heart and soul in Escala. I stumble into my car and lean my head on the steering wheel. I grab my phone, I am in no fit state to drive, or be alone and I'm guessing that Christian is the same way upstairs.

"Hello"

"K..Kate, y..you have t..to come, and p..pick me up." I gasp for breath

"Ana, sweetie calm down, and take some breaths…" I do as she asks and begin to calm down a little bit.

"Where are you Ana?"

"I'm …. I'm at Escala. I can't drive like this Kate. You have to bring Elliot, Christian shouldn't be alone."

"Oh honey. We'll be right there okay?"

"I'm in the garage, it's over Kate. We're over!" I start to sob again. I can't think straight. Is this how I am going to feel for the rest of my life? I thought this would bring me some peace, but all it has done is magnify the finality of the situation.

"Elliot, we need to go over to Escala. They're done…. Ana?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm coming as fast as I can." I am almost sure that I hear her voice waver. I end the call and bury my face in my hands; I didn't think it was possible for emotional pain to feel so physical.

* * *

I don't know how much time has passed, suddenly there is a light knock on the window and I'm terrified to turn around, I know that if it is Christian I will fall into his arms and I won't be able to stop myself. I hesitantly turn my head and a very worried Kate is standing at the door. I release a breath I didn't realise I was holding as she opens the door. I get out of the car and she envelops me in a true Katherine Kavanagh embrace, I sink into her arms and sob. I pull away and see Elliot looking so very lost.

"Elliot, he needs you, please make sure that he's okay … I know what he did was wrong but just… please be there for him?"

"Ana, you just take care of yourself and the kids. I'll make sure Christian's okay. Kate suggested that I spend the night with him and she's going to be with you." I nod numbly and walk around to the passenger seat. Kate pulls out of the garage and I stare blankly out of the window, the entire ride home I just sobbed, Kate squeezed my knee a few times trying to wordlessly comfort me.

I try to regain my composure before we go into the house and I have to face my children. Surely I owe it to them to work things out with their father?

_NO! If you take him back he'll do it again and then where will you be? You and Christian don't have to be together to be good parents._ It hurts to know that my conscious is right. Kate reaches across, grasping my hand

"You'll get through this Ana. I'll be with you every step of the way."

"How can I go in there and look at my children's faces knowing that we'll never be a family again? I always swore that they would never come from a broken home."

"Ana, listen to me… You never did this, he did! It was him! He's the one who should be feeling like this, not you. We'll go inside, put the kids to bed, then we'll open a bottle of wine and talk." I nod absently but make no actually get out of the car. Kate gets out and walks around to my side and opens the door

"Come on, Ana lets go inside…"

Kate takes my hand and pulls me out of the car. We walk in the door and Teddy comes running down the hall and launches himself into my arms. I squeeze him tightly, and kiss his cheek

"Hey sweetie, did you get your homework done?"

"Yes Ma'am. Mom, have you been crying?" I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat.

"Yeah, but I'm okay, especially with you in my arms" He wraps himself around me even tighter and then I set him down on his feet. I get Teddy and Gracie into bed, and then sit with Olivia in my arms on the couch whilst Kate opens some wine. It's really shitty that I'm breast feeding and can't drink any of it. I rock from side to side as I nurse Olivia. I can't help but wonder how Christian is…

* * *

I feel a tightening pain rip across my chest as I watch the elevator doors close. I know that I had to do the right thing for once. I deserve to feel like this but Ana doesn't. At least she'll always be in my life; she's the mother of my children, but how am I going to feel when she's with someone else? I won't be able to deal with that…

I grab the decanter of scotch that's in my office and take it back to the great room, pouring myself a big glass. I feel so tired; I down the glass in one gulp and pour another. This place haunts me, to think that this is where it all started, where we fell hopelessly in love, where we fucked and where we made sweet passionate love, where we conceived our son and now, where it's ended. I hear the elevator ding and I lift my head, my heart races thinking that she's came back, and she's changed her mind, that she wants me as much as I want her.

I stand up and run to the front door, ready to take her in my arms and profess my undying love for her, I feel my soul crush when I see Elliot standing in front of the elevator doors…

"What are you doing here?" I ask in a low voice, filled with sadness, despair and disappointment.

"Ana called Kate to come and drive her home because she was hysterical and figured that it wouldn't be safe to drive in that state, and Ana asked me to come and be with you because you would need someone right now… " He says as he follows me into the great room, Elliot gets himself a glass and pours himself a drink then sits on the sofa. I stare at my feet with my glass in my hand.

"What happened, Kate said that you guys are done?" he asks in disbelief.

"Yup, we're over!"

"What happened?"

"She wanted to know everything; what I did and who with. Then I begged for forgiveness and she told me that she couldn't give me that. So I … I'm letting her go, when the time comes and she files for divorce, I'll sign the papers." I whisper the last part, as if the volume that I say it will have an effect on its level of truth.

"Christian, man…I don't understand why you did it though; jeez you were living the American dream? Ana is your everything and you're just going to give up, because it's the easy option? What happened to fighting for her? From what I seen down there Ana still loves you, she had to get Kate to take her home because if she stayed in that garage any longer she was going to come up here and fall into your arms! Fuck, stop wallowing in your own self-pity and fucking fight for your family Christian!"

"Elliot, have you maybe thought that Ana deserves more than I can give her? What I did was awful, I was out fucking another woman while my pregnant wife was at home with my children, she deserves better than that, better than me! So no, I'm not going to fight to win her back, for once I'm going to put her and the children first." I answer in a distracted voice, I look up and Elliot has tears in his eyes

"You can't give up, don't give up on what you two have together, if anyone can bounce back from this it's you and Ana. You are meant to be together."

"Not anymore…" I refill my glass to the top and down it. I'm starting to feel numb; numb is better than burning with regret.

"So this is really it? You're getting a divorce?" he asks, his voice laced with a mixture of fear and sadness, I look up at him, meeting his eyes and nod. I'm not capable of anything else. I have cried more in the last three weeks than I have in my entire life. Elliot stands up and comes to sit next to me, wrapping his arms around me and clapping me on the back. I surrender to the sobs and hold on for dear life. I can get through this, I have to for Ana.

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**How is everyone liking it so far? I know the last chapters have been particularly harrowing but there is light at the end of the tunnel and we'll get there eventually! I'm glad you are enjoying this story, it's been truly amazing to read your reviews. **

**If you all keep reading and reviewing... I'll keep writing ;)**

**-Susie xoxo**


	17. Chapter 17: Moving On?

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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I'm at Seattles most trendy and exclusive club with Kate and Elliot and I feel like a third wheel, so I am sitting at the bar alone while they get indecent on the dance floor! It's been seven months since the news of Christian's infidelity broke and I decided to file for a legal separation. We released a statement to the press the day that I filed the paperwork for our separation, Sam who deals with the PR for both GEH and Grey Publishing called a press conference to make the announcement

_I am sad to announce that after nine years of marriage, Anastasia and Christian have filed for a legal separation. They would like to ask for space and understanding during this very difficult time. I would like to take this opportunity to deny that their reasons have nothing to do with the reports of Mr Grey having an affair. _

_Please allow this family to heal in private._

_Thank you for coming._

But instead of doing as we asked, the press have hounded us ever since. I mean, it's been over seven months and they haven't eased up over time like we thought they would, if anything they're even more interested in us now than they were when we were together! The paparazzi are constantly trying to get pictures that will fit their bullshit lies; for example I have asked Christian for $100,000 per month for child support, I mean come on? I would never do something like that… I guess the public enjoy a good old break-up! Christian and I have spent time together for the sake of the children, taking them out together as a family and we both try very hard to hide our pain from each other in front of them but, it's so difficult.

I wish I could just switch off my feelings for Christian, I'm still deeply in love with him but we're making the best of this shitty situation. I started to date about six weeks ago hoping to ease my tormented, broken soul. I've gone on multiple dates with two different guys, but haven't made it passed 2nd base with either of them. Neither of them grabbed my attention. I can't help but make comparisons of them with Christian; he's my first love, my only love. I don't think anyone will ever captivate me the way Christian did, and still does, even though he doesn't know it.

"What will it take to put a smile on that face?"

"Excuse me?" I ask as I look up at the gentleman standing before me.

"I've been sitting in this club for over two hours and I haven't seen you smile once." I look up at and give him a slight smile; he beams at me in return.

"Now we're getting somewhere. Can I buy you a drink?

"Sure. I'll have a white wine please."

He comes back over and we talk and talk and talk. His name is Richard Harper; he is a gynecologist to the rich and famous and is based at the University of Washington Medical Center, and he has been divorced for three years; and his brother has dragged him out tonight too! I tell him about my situation and we really hit it off. He's tall, has piercing blue eyes and jet black hair. He's wearing dark blue jeans, a white shirt with a blazer over the top. He has a gorgeous smile with full lips, a chiseled, sharp jawline and really, really kind eyes.

"Would you like to dance?" He asks. I hesitate - the only man I've ever danced well with is my husband. Why the fuck does it feel like I'm being unfaithful? Christian and I are over and I need to move on.

"Sure." I say with a real, genuine smile.

I haven't smiled in such a long time, I think to myself as he grabs my hand and leads me onto the dance floor. A pulsing rhythm is booming out of the speakers and I can barely hear myself think - I recognize the song ... I think it's 'Scream' by usher. He grabs my hips and we start to move. He has his left hand clamped around my hip as his right makes its way up my thigh and continues up my side; he grabs my hand and places it up his chest and around the back of his neck. He's behind me so I hold him close, pulling his lips closer to my neck and start to grind into him, I smile when I feel his growing arousal. I run the tips of my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and really start to move with him. For the first time in months I feel worth something, I feel wanted, and attractive.

"Keep this up Ana and I'll need you to stand in front of me all night." he whispers into my ear and starts to kiss and nip at my neck and ear lobe.

I turn to face him; there are lots of people around us so we're squashed even closer together. My heart is racing, it feels like it's going to pound right through my chest, he leans down to within an inch of my lips and I make my move. I lick his lower lip and playfully bite it. Our tongues do their own dirty tango as his hands make their way to my behind. He squeezes the firm flesh and I've never felt needier. Once the song ends head back to the bar to get another drink. I feel like someone's staring at me and I turn around to find Elliot giving Richard the death glare; he's never bothered before when I've gone out with other men, maybe he senses that this one is different? Kate grabs his face and turns his head back to her, she's probably telling him to stop it and that I need to move on. Richard snakes his arm around my waist, with his hand slightly lower so it's resting on my behind and he orders us another drink.

I've had a really good time tonight, and I don't want it to end. It's getting pretty late and I am drunk, and need to go home to bed before I start puking in front of him, the last time I did that in front of a guy I ended up marrying him.

_STOP THINKING OF HIM GOD DAMN IT! YOU HAVE A HUNK OF GORGEOUS MAN MEAT SITTING IN FRONT OF YOU!_

Richard walks me back to the dance floor so I can tell Kate that I am heading home, she looks at me in shock, her mouth agape… why is she looking at me like that? OH… she thinks that I am going home with him. I lean in close to her ear and shout over the music

"I'm not going home with him Kate, so you can wipe that look off your face!" I giggle at her. I see her shoulders sag in relief.

"I am so drunk Kate. I had a good time, thanks for dragging my ass out, what was wrong with Elliot earlier?" She'll probably have a perforated eardrum with me screaming into her ear…

"Ignore him, I think he just knows that this one has promise" She smiles sadly and leans into me with a hug and says "If anyone deserves their happy ending it's you!" She squeezes me one last time and we pull apart. Richard holds my hand as we walk outside…

"I had a wonderful evening with you Ana, would you let me take you to dinner? You're a beautiful woman, I want nothing more than to take you home with me tonight and have my way with you, but I won't disrespect you like that." I swoon, what a gentleman. I pull him to me so that our bodies are flush together; I can feel each and every muscle he has as I press our bodies even closer together. I lean up and leave wet kisses on his neck, continuing up to his ear; which I graze with my teeth and whisper into his ear

"What if I want to be disrespected?"

"Ana, you're killing me." He groans. I slip my hand into the back pocket of his tight jeans and squeeze the firm flesh. He leans down and captures my lips with his, this isn't like our kiss in the club, which was pure lust, this one is gentle and kind, slow and deep. I feel the wetness pool between my thighs as he slides his hands into my hair, I feel his erection firm against my thigh. I want him so badly. We pull apart breathless and he leans his forehead against mine.

"I think I'll owe my brother for life, for forcing me out tonight. I want you Ana; please say you'll come to dinner with me tomorrow night? We can go to the movies afterwards or maybe watch a DVD at my place, if you like."

I smile, our foreheads still touching and I caress the side of his face and whisper "yes to all of the above" against his lips. He squeezes me tightly and crushes his lips against mine once more. I nip and suck on his lower lip, when we finally pull apart I look into his eyes; which are so bright, fresh and genuinely kind. We exchange numbers then he hails me a cab and opens the door for me to get in.

"I can't wait for tomorrow, I'll pick you up at around 7?"

"I can't wait either! I'll see you tomorrow then Richard" I say beaming at him. He places a quick kiss on my lips before he closes the door and taps his hand on the roof to tell the driver to go, we pull into the Seattle traffic, and I can't stop smiling. He was so sweet, and easy-going. I cannot wait until tomorrow night. If dinner goes well, I'll go to his place to watch a 'DVD' which will be the last thing on our minds, I can't deny the natural attraction and chemistry we have together. This is a good thing… I think?

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**I felt the need to do a seven month time leap as Ana was hurting so much she would need a great deal of time to heal but I didn't want to keep writing about being depressed and figured you all needed to see her begin to take the steps towards finding happiness again? What do you guys think of the enigmatic Dr Harper? What will happen on their date? And will Ana take the plunge and get herself some after all this time? Do you think Elliot will tell Christian that someones making a move on his wife? And how do you guys think Christian will react to the fact that he is taking the kids so his wife can hook up with another man?**

**Sooooo many questions LOL. I need your thoughts on this so please review and let me know what you think?!**

**- Susie xoxo**


	18. Chapter 18: What the fuck!

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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I wake up for the 2nd time sweating, trying to calm my racing heart. I don't know how I'm going to continue to live my life plagued with these nightmares; I'd rather have the ones about my childhood. It's horrible to have to see Ana divorcing me, marrying someone else and to make it even more painful my children call him daddy, this happens every single night. I screw my eyes closed and check the clock which reads 12:03AM, I have a grand total of around two hours sleep a night. I slip out of bed and pad down the hall, checking on each of my children in turn, who are all sleeping soundly. I am glad that Olivia is finally able to accept bottles from me; it was horrible only getting to spend three hours a week with her when she was first born, it was of my own doing though.

I head down to my office and decide to try and get some work done, that way I can spend more time with my children without work getting in the way. I try to concentrate solely on them, when I have them as it's only every second weekend.

I go through my emails arranging them so the ones that are flagged get sent to the top. After a few hours of reading work emails I receive a Google alert about Ana – As soon as she started dating I subscribed to get an alert each time a new photo or story is added to the world-wide-web. Just like every other time I've received one my heart starts to race and my mouth goes dry. My hands are slightly shaking, I mean if a new picture is added at 2am… my head is spinning thinking about all the possibilities this could mean; all of which are bad.

_You'll never know if you don't look. _

I take a few breaths and click the link to whatever has been written about my love. My hand tightens on the mouse as I look at picture after picture of some dark haired mother-fucker, or wife-fucker should be more appropriate. I grit my teeth and try to reign in my fury when I come across the ones with his hands on her ass, kissing her lips, biting her lip. THAT'S MY FUCKING LIP TO BITE, NO ONE SHOULD FUCKING TOUCH HER LIKE THAT EXCEPT ME! I count to ten and when I don't feel any calmer I continue on until my heart slows and my hand relaxes on the mouse wheel; which took me all the way up to 120. I cannot believe what I see next… I expected this from Kate, but my own brother watched that fucker touching my girl, my wife. How can he be okay with this?

_My how the tables have turned Grey! Maybe you have some idea of how much you hurt Ana by fucking another woman? Oh, and I don't think she's yours anymore! I bet the gynaecologist is amazing in bed, he'll know more about pleasuring a woman than you do … seems like Ana will be screaming RICHARD and not Christian any time soon…_SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP AND STOP. PLEASE STOP, I bang my fists against my head as I keep imagining him in bed with Ana, of him making her writhe underneath him, no one should make her come other than me!

_I bet that's what Ana thought when she caught you fucking Allyson into next week, when you were telling her how hard you were, how good she felt. Ana will be saying that to Richard now you know that right?_ PLEASE STOP. I CAN'T TAKE THIS. I CAN'T BEAR IT.

I roughly grab a cut glass tumbler and the decanter of scotch, I am surprized is doesn't smash with the amount of force I use to slam it on my desk. I down at least three glasses in quick succession. Before I know it I've finished half the bottle. Just as I'm about to pour myself another glass my blackberry starts to ring and it's Elliot, fucking traitor!

"What the fuck do you want?" I sneer at him over the phone.

"What the fucks eating you!" he has the gall to act offended?!

"I think the appropriate question that has to be asked Lelliot is *hiccup* who is eating my wife *hiccup* I slur at him.

"Wait, how do you know? I've had to sneak out to the back garden to call you 'cause Kate will staple my balls to the wall for calling to tell you about it… are you drunk?" I snort at him, my wife is probably out fucking another man and he asks if I'm drunk?

"No shit Sherlock, you big brother are a traitor! How could you do this *hiccup* to m..me?" I slur again. He sighs

"I've been out with Ana a few times, and been there as she waits for dates to pick her up but I knew she wasn't interested in them, she was just trying to take Kate's advice about moving on because she was so miserable without you. But tonight… Christian I figured you needed to know how much you fucked yourself over, and don't dare call me a traitor I didn't cheat on my pregnant wife, you betrayed all the trust and faith she had in you and what you were together, the reason I am calling you is to tell you to leave her be, don't try and fuck it up for her, she deserves a little happiness Christian, especially after what she's went through this year. Ana was the best thing that ever happened to you, I love you and you're my brother but I think you need to realize that she is moving on. I know it sucks but you have don't have the right to try and take this away from her… leave her and this guy alone, I mean it. If I find out that you've done anything to screw this up, I swear I'll involve mom and dad, and you don't want to piss them off any more than you already have!"

"Whatever. Leave me alone Elliot" I hang the phone up and lay my head on my desk. This is unbearable, and even though I hate Elliot for everything he just said, I know in my heart that he is right. After the way Ana and I ended, after what I did to her, she deserves a little happiness, no matter how painful it is for me to witness. A matter of minutes ago I drunk myself into oblivion but Elliots words were so sobering. I step into a hot shower to try to wash away some of the tension I am carrying but it does no use, so I go back to my old coping mechanism; my piano. I shut the lid so that I don't wake up the kids.

_"Oh Ana, I miss you so much baby, but I'll honor my word; I won't get involved. I'm letting you go, no matter how much it pains me to do so." _ I silently promise her and myself as I get lost in the somber melody that reflects the inner turmoil I feel. I really fucked everything up didn't I?

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**I am off out to do a family friends hair so I won't be able to update until later on tonight, maybe around 6-7pm GMT. I hope you like the direction I am taking this in. **

**Much love and appreciation of your reviews, keep them coming!**

**- Susie. xo**


	19. Chapter 19: Desolate

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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Oh god, I can't believe this is happening…

Picture upon picture of Richard and I all over each other are plastered over every newspaper in Seattle. I have no doubt that Christian is seething and probably wants to kill Richard; Christian not only knows that I am seeing someone else; he knows exactly who I am seeing as the papers have published his name. I can't believe the headline captioning the series of photographs, it reads:

**One half of America's favourite couple has moved on!**

I am steel myself up to face his anger, not that he has any right to be angry, as that would be rather hypocritical. I'm going to have to call him, I have to make sure he isn't going to attack Richard, or pay someone to scare him off!

I dial the familiar number and he answers on the second ring of the phone. I hold my breath, and wait for him to speak.

"Hi" he says, his voice laced with apprehension.

"Hi" I say back, holy shit this is awkward.

"Have you seen the newspapers?" I ask tentatively. He lets out a sigh and takes a deep breath.

"Yes I've seen them Ana. Listen, I meant what I said about letting you go. After we spoke that night at Escala; the next morning I went straight to Flynn's, I've been having multiple sessions a week ever since and I am finally beginning to realise that we'll never be together again; I've accepted that. You deserve the very best of everything and if this doctor has even the slightest chance to make you happy… well… I won't stand in your way." What?! He should be screaming at me about this! There are photos of Richard's hand on my ass and kissing me are splashed all over the newspapers and TV.

"So you're okay about this, you're not going to go on some hell bent revenge plot?" I can't believe that he actually laughs; although I can tell that his laughter doesn't reach his eyes.

"No, no revenge plot Anastasia. I love you and adore you but I know that we'll never be what we once were" My heart is aching and bruised; I just can't believe that he is letting me walk away. Do I want him to let me? Could I bear to continue living this miserable life without him by my side? I try to think of a way to phrase the next thing that I want to ask without sounding like I'm interested or bothered if he has.

"Have…have you taken on… a..nyone?" I inwardly cringe at the apprehension in my voice and know that I've failed to feign disinterest.

"No Ana, I haven't" I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. What the hell is wrong with me?

"How're the kids?" I move on to a less painful topic.

"They're eating right now, although Gracie has more syrup on her hair than she has in her belly." I giggle at the affectionate tone he uses to admonish her; she has him wrapped around her little fingers.

"I'll let you get back to it then."

"Goodbye Ana." He sounds so tired, he sounds like I feel.

"Bye Christian" I feel desolate. That's the only word I can use to describe this feeling. He's really letting me go? Why isn't he fighting for me? I know that I need to keep pushing forward, no matter how painful it is to continue to do so.

I run myself a hot bubble bath and slowly sink into the fragrant water. I meticulously shave, making sure that my skin is smooth all over, and then exfoliate. I lay and soak in the bubbles until I feel every bit of tension leave my body.

I feel much calmer and ready to face the day when I get out. It's only 10:30am so I decide that I should get some work done. I head to my library/office and start working on a few promising manuscripts; I spend the majority of the day editing and adjusting them from the annotations I'd made when I initially read them. By the time 4pm comes around they're both ready to be presented to the author, I have had a very productive day. Richard hasn't called me to cancel yet so that's promising… I muse.

_Ana, he knew how high profile you were when you met him last night, he works with people in the public eye every day so he's not going to be scared off by world-wide media coverage of him groping your arse! – _My subconscious folds her arms, looking very pleased with herself, and I only have one thing to say back; FUCK OFF. What a sarcastic bitch! I leave it at that as I'm pretty much arguing with myself and that's all kinds of crazy.

I head downstairs to get myself a drink of OJ and Gail is busying herself making cookies; probably for when the kids come home tomorrow afternoon.

"Mmm Gail, they smell delicious!" I say as she offers the plate to me. They're still warm and perfectly cooked; crunchy on the outside and chewy in the middle.

"Oh god, Gail…these are amazing!" I add once I've taken a few bites.

"Are you looking forward to your date tonight?" I instantly look to the floor and try to calm the knots in my stomach.

"Ana, what's the matter? Did he cancel because of the newspapers?" She asks me with understanding and kindness. I can't help the tears that escape my eyes.

"Oh Ana, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have brought it up" She says as she holds onto me.

"It's not that Gail. I called Christian and he's fine with it. He said that if Richard has even the slightest chance to make me happy then he's all for it? I thought.. I thought he'd fight for me, for us?" Gail pulls back but keeps a hold of my arms.

"Do you want him to fight for you Ana?" Do I?

"I don't know?" I say with uncertainty.

"Ana, I think Mr Grey is still hopelessly in love with you, but after what he done and what happened with Olivia, maybe he's trying to do what he thinks is best for you, and thinks that he's _not _what's best."

"I just don't know what I want anymore, I miss him Gail. I miss going to sleep and waking up in his arms. I miss everything about our old life. I just don't think that we can be what we once were, and I don't know if I can _be _with anyone else in that way" I can't help the blush that creeps across my face.

"Do you want my advice Ana?" I nod my agreement.

"Go out tonight, go on your date with Richard, it'll give you some perspective; and maybe then you'll have a definite answer as to whether you can be intimate with someone else, but don't do anything that you're not comfortable with."

"Thank you Gail, I think I would have gone insane these last few months without you" I give her another squeeze and pull back, looking into her eyes.

"How are you holding up? It must be hard for you and Taylor to spend all day away from each other?"

"It's not the best situation, but I think it would be worse if Mr Grey had wanted Taylor to live with him at Escala. I'm glad that Ryan has took over for the night shift." I feel terrible.

"I'm sorry that you've been dragged into this mess along with Christian and I. Gail, you know that the offer still stands if you want to go back to Christian full time I won't be offended or upset." I have to at least offer this alternative one more time, and I'm lying through my teeth, I'd be crushed. Gail sighs and narrows her eyes at me. I raise my hands in a gesture of peace.

"Okay, Okay! I'm sorry, I just feel terrible that your marriage to Jason is being affected due to ours being a big, fat failure!"

"I love you like a daughter Ana, and the children; it'd break my heart to not get to see them every day. Jason hates not being here with us 24/7 but we're making the best of it" I nod absently and head upstairs.

My blackberry buzzes and it's a text from Richard:

'Hi Ana. Are we still on for tonight? I'll understand if you don't want too. I can't believe my face is splashed all over the news, I especially love the shot of me groping your ass… would it be cheeky (no pun intended) to want to do that again? ;) x'

'Hi, yes we are still on if you're okay with all the media coverage, it's sometimes really irritating to be in the public eye! What if I'd like you to be cheeky ;)?' I smile as I type out my reply. Yes, I'll go out with Richard and see how it goes…

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I am sitting in the media room watching some movies with the kids. Teddy is engrossed in the film, Gracie is asleep in the recliner and Olivia is sitting on my lap squeezing my face between her little hands giggling at the faces I am making. I can't help thinking about what Ana is doing right now? She's probably getting ready for her date. I know from experience that this doctor won't be able to keep his hands off her… what I wouldn't give to have my hands on her just one more time. I try to shake these thoughts but it's so hard.

"DA!" Olivia commands my attention.

"Sorry baby girl, is daddy not paying enough attention to you?" I blow a raspberry on her chubby cheek, she and Gracie look so much like Ana and it breaks my heart. I check my watch and its 5:45pm… I had to hire a new housekeeper here at Escala since Gail is with Ana, her name is Amelia Rodger and she's pretty good, she's in her early 40's and blonde for obvious reasons.

When Taylor came in this morning, he told me that Gail sent over some of her world famous Mac & Cheese and I cannot wait to eat it.

"Come on kiddos, dinner should be ready in five minutes.

"What are we having for dinner dad?" Teddy asks.

"Well, GG sent over some Mac & Cheese"

"YES! I loooove GG's M&C" Teddy exclaims.

"I know buddy, I love it too" I ruffle his hair as he runs from the media room. It's going to be an extremely long night.

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I hope everyone is still enjoying my story. I think it's absolutely hysterical that the guest reviewer wrote this when I posted chapter 8:

**"I am moving on, cause your CG is not likeable and it ruins his mystique. Go back and read his wedding vows. He would never cheat. Go ruin another character." **

And then again on chapter 18:

**"First you ruined Christian, now you're ruining Ana. Great."**

I think it's rather funny that you clearly said that you were, and I quote **'moving on'** ten chapters ago, yet you're still reading and reviewing! L oh fucking L.

If you don't like it don't read it. It's a rather simple solution don't you think? Now please do what you said you were going to do… move on! ;)

Oh, and if you're going to bitch at me about my story at least have the balls to put your name and account to your facetious and flippant remarks.

/rant over.

Thank you to all who are reviewing, I want to give you all a massive hug! except the aforementioned.

– Susie. xoxo


	20. Chapter 20: Nervous Excitement?

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

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I stand in front of the mirror and give myself the once over… I'm satisfied with the outfit choice for tonight. I am wearing tight LBD, with a red belt that cinches my waist, and is rather flattering to my now-larger breasts. I have paired the dress with bright red Laboutines and matching clutch. I have kept the make-up natural, with lashings of mascara, a little bronzer and nude lip gloss. Scarlet red lipstick is so not my color.

I head downstairs and Gail and Taylor are flirting across the breakfast bar.

"Look at you two flirting!" Gail blushes furiously, I can't help but giggle.

"Gail, I know this will probably shock you, but I've heard you and Jason at it plenty of times so flirting is nothing!" Gail turns beet red and her mouth pops open. I can't contain my facial expression anymore; and I collapse with laughter, Taylor joins in with me. And when she gets over the initial shock we're both rewarded with a swat of her dishtowel.

"I can't believe you two just did that to me!" She is trying to keep the indignation in her voice but fails miserably and ends up laughing with us. The house is a much more relaxed environment now that Christian is not here to go on about keeping the formalities with the staff. I much prefer to have a family atmosphere around the children. Looking at Gail and Jason, I am so glad that Christian relented and let him come back here at nights. It wasn't fair to break them up just because we were in the middle of the mess he'd made. Ryan now stays with Christian at nights. When the kids are at Escala, Sawyer stays too; with all the recent changes going on in their lives, we're trying to keep things as consistent as possible for them, and since Sawyer is their security he goes wherever they go. Now that I am mistress of my own destiny, I can make my own decisions; I don't want or need security following me.

We're having a good laugh when the doorbell rings. I am really nervous, but I can't work out if it's nervous-excitement or nervous-dread. I fervently hope it's the former. I deserve a little happiness.

I answer the door and he leans in to kiss my cheek.

_Oh my, he's handsome and smells divine! Fuck him Ana, your sex will appreciate the attention and so will I! – _I stare at my inner goddess in complete shock.

"You look beautiful Anastasia." He says with desire laced in his eyes. Oh those pools of azure blue make my stomach flip with anticipation.

"Thank you Richard. You're looking rather handsome tonight too!" I lead him into the kitchen where Gail and Jason are sitting kidding around.

"Gail, Jason I'd like to introduce you to someone… this is Dr. Richard Harper."

"Richard, this is Gail, she's one of my best friends and helps me with my children. And this is her husband and head, of our security team." Richard holds out his hand to Gail and kisses her cheek to acquaint himself and subsequently offers his hand to Jason, there's a very awkward pause and for a moment I think he's going to refuse to shake his hand, but bursts out laughing and claps him on the shoulder whilst they shake.

"It's nice to meet you Dr Harper" Gail says as I go to grab my clutch

"Please, call me Richard" He says with a reassuring smile. Good lord he's attractive.

We say our goodbyes and get into his silver Bentley; the interior is all sleek white leather, with black piping around the outside.

"This car is amazing and these seats are so comfortable" I sighed happily and lean back into the seat. Richard looks over at me and pushes a button. Suddenly I feel my chair vibrate. He laughs at me whilst I moan in pleasure.

"Oh I need to get myself a car like this!" I groan as my lower back is kneaded.

"Ana, you're killing me with those moans and going to give me a jean-tent situation!" He whines. I burst out laughing at the pout he's giving me.

We reach the restaurant and he comes around to my door and helps me out and hands the keys to the Valet who is practically eye-fucking the car... I don't think I'll ever understand boys and their toys.

As soon as I straighten up, the paparazzi's camera's start flashing furiously and Richard wraps his arm around my waist as he ushers me inside. I have always wanted to eat at Six Sevens, which is inside The Edge Water Hotel. I've been told that the views of Elliot Bay and the Olympic Mountains breath-taking.

"Do you have to put up with that all the time?" He asks me concerned; I hope that doesn't change his mind about me.

"It's gotten way worse since last night" I squeeze his bicep and giggle

_Oh, did you feel how firm his arms are? _I think this is the longest my inner goddess has gone without sex, since… well since I lost my virginity.

_Yes it is the longest that certain parts of my anatomy have been starved of attention in NINE YEARS. _I don't even know what to say about that. I shake my head and try to get a handle on my dirty, inappropriate thoughts.

We enter the hotel and make our way to the restaurant. We are immediately ushered to one of the best table's right at the window. I guess I heard right, I gasp as I look out at the bay; the Olympic Mountains serving as the perfect backdrop in the distance. The view is divine in its simplicity, and extremely romantic with the soft candle light at our table.

Richard orders a bottle of champagne; once it arrives the waiter pours us a glass each and retreats. He lifts his glass as do I and he makes a toast.

"To new beginnings" He says in a sexy voice, he makes eye contact as he places the champagne flute to his lips, I see the tip of his tongue tracing the rim of the glass as he takes a sip and my stomach clenches, desire and anticipation running like brushfire through my body.

* * *

It's just after eight and I've allowed Teddy to play a video game for an hour before he has to go to bed, I let him stay up a little later than what Ana does. In my defence it is the weekend! But if I'm being honest, I just want to be the _cool _parent. Thankfully Olivia and Grace are out for the count. I head into my study on the pretence of checking work emails, but I can't even lie convincingly to myself. The truth of the matter is that I want to see if there are any more pictures of her with _Doctor Dickhead_. I open my email and there are several alerts concerning Ana. I scroll through pictures of Ana getting out of a silver Bentley, extravagant bastard.

_You have several Bentley's you extravagant Hypocrite! _That is beside the point, I scowl at my subconscious. I can't believe doctor dickhead has taken her to Six Sevens. I always promised to take her there but I guess life got in the way. I don't know why I didn't realise that it would feel like this? You'd think I'd have learned my lesson the last time I fucked up and did something that made her leave; except this time it's a lot longer than five days of purgatory – its seven long months later. I continue to flick through photo after photo with captions that read

"Two dates in a row, clearly sparks are flying between these two hotties! _Can everyone say it with me….Christian who?_" That one hurt, it stung my ego. That wife-fucker is taking my life. How long is it going to be until they move in together and he convinces her to divorce me?

_You can't let it happen, you can't. Fuck doing what you think is right, she needs you. You have to fight for her; you have to woo her back to us!_ – For once my conscious and I are sagely in agreement.

"Ana, I'm going to win you back baby, if it's the last thing I do" I promise her as I stare at the photographs of his arm around her waist, fucking stating a claim to the world and to me! You don't want to enter a pissing contest with me you slime ball, 'cause you'll lose!

* * *

**_A/N: I have come to realize that I cannot please everyone. Louisvuittonfreak had to pull me off the ledge, bring me back through the window and close it earlier today! ._**

_**I hope that even though things may seem like they aren't going the way you'd hoped, you'll continue to read and support this story. I truly enjoy reading your reviews, they make me all warm and fuzzy; except those trollers, they obviously don't understand the concept of pushing boundaries; 'cause lets face it, isn't that what ELJ done with twilight? I can bet that reviewers probably said the same thing to her**_

_**"You just didn't get Twilight. Edward would never physically harm Bella. You've ruined good characters!" - I can also bet that she sent them all a big massive 'Fuck You' when she got published, a movie deal and became a millionaire with world-wide success! Not that I am saying that this little story could ever achieve that, I'm just trying to make trollers understand that no one -fictional or otherwize- should be put in a box and told 'you would never do this or that' because there are no rules in life.**_

**_I am in no-way-shape-or-form indicating by leaving this A/N that C&A are getting back together, or that Ana isn't going to have some fun with Dr Hottie. How do you think Christian is handling this situation? Not being in control is driving him crazy, so this is him fighting for what he wants, and trying to take control.. I can't say if it will or won't work just yet!_**

**_Sorry, I'm ranting again aren't I? :D_**

**_- Susie. xoxo_**


	21. Chapter 21: Feels good to be in control

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

* * *

I am just about to go to check on Olivia and Grace when Ryan announces that my mother is on her way up. I get up and stretch my aching limbs. I am so tired; tired of this hell I'm living in.

I walk into the Great room as my mother enters the front door, with a small smile.

"How are you doing darling? I saw the photo's online." She adds in a whisper as she embraces me.

"I'm not … good. I'm just so sorry for all the mess I created" I squeeze the words passed the lump in my throat.

"Are you sorry for cheating or sorry you got caught?

"Of course I am sorry I cheated?! What kind of question is that?" I snap. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Do you love Ana? Christian, I mean really love her?" My mother's eyes are boring into my face, into my eyes and I see the hurt in hers. She loves Ana, because Ana saved me from myself; and I destroyed her like the monster she always professed me not to be.

"Yes. I. Love. Her" I practically growl as I enunciate each word staccato. She responds by cocking her eyebrow expectantly.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you. It's just, I've lossed everything and I can't bear it any longer – to see another man with his hands on her – its driving me crazy" I run my hands through my hair in frustration and pace.

"Christian, calm down and listen to me. If you sit here and let her go, then realise what you've lossed it'll be too late to change anything. You can still get her back, you can show her how much you regret how you ended and prove to her that you're in this marriage for the long haul."

"I don't know what to do to make her see how sorry I am, I don't deserve her forgiveness" I add quietly. I am shocked when my mother grabs my shoulders and shakes me, with a wild look in the depths of her warm eyes.

"God damn it Christian. Stop with this 'I don't deserve forgiveness' bullshit. You're just using your issues as an excuse to hide from the guilt you're feeling. Face it. Work through it and get your wife back! If you don't then you'll have to live with what-if's for the rest of your life. Do you want that Christian?"

"No… god no!" I bury my head in my hands "I can't look at myself in the mirror. Ana saved me and I crushed her heart whilst she was carrying my baby inside her, how can we make it back from something as shattering as that?"

"You'll make it because you are meant to be together"

"Your right" I breathe, she's right I need to get her; I need to go get her right now!

"Mom, will you stay with the children?"

"Why? Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get my wife, that's where"

"I didn't mean right now, she's out with another man, you can't just show up Christian!?" She looks at me like I've lost my mind… maybe I have?

"I can, and I will. I want my heart back, I'm nothing without her; you're right, I've spent too long wallowing, and there's no time like the present!" I walk quickly to my room; I throw a clean shirt on and grab my blazer before kissing my shell-shocked mother on the cheek as I walk towards the elevator. She follows hurriedly behind me.

"Teddy is in the media room playing video game. He needs to be in bed at 9pm. Thank you for knocking some sense into me, mom. I love you." I give her another strong hug and I hear her gasp. I know why she feels so strongly for Ana; before her, I'd never shared a hug or embrace with anyone other than Mia.

The doors open and I step inside. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Give Teddy a kiss goodnight from me!"

The doors close and take me into the depths of Escala's garage. I jump into my R8 and speed out onto the street

"I'm coming Ana, I'm coming for you baby" I say. I am determined to win my heart back. I have too.

* * *

Richard and I are sitting adjacent to each other, his left arm draped around my chair, softly stroking the back of my neck as we share warm chocolate lava cake with whipped cream. I push my small pastry fork through the crispy top and the warm chocolate sauce oozes out and I lift it to my mouth.

"Oh good god this is good!" I say, Richard looks at me and bursts out laughing.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" I giggle, embarrassedly. I reach for my napkin, but he gets there first.

"Oh no you don't Anastasia. I have a much better idea of how to address this problem" My breath hitches as he leans in and sucks the chocolate sauce off of my chin, all the way to my mouth. His kiss is slow, deep and full of longing. He pulls away, and takes his finger which he has obviously dipped in the sauce and drags it down my cheek.

_Wow that's so sexy! _– Oh I agree with that.

"Oops, I missed a bit" and licks it off. I giggle as he tickles my cheek with his tongue. I load my fork with cake and cream and feed him some.

"It's good right?"

"Oh yeah, but it tastes better off you" Suddenly my heart lurches as I am transported back in time to relive the ben, jerry's and Ana moment just after Christian and I got back together the first time he hurt me.

"Ana, what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" He looks hurt, and confused.

"You just said something that my husband would always tell me." I smile sadly at the memory.

"Let's make you some new memories then, ones that belong just to us." He plops a big dollop of cream on the tip of my nose, my mouth pops open and he takes this advantage and slips his tongue into my mouth, stroking softly against mine, the cream rubs off on his own nose and we're both giggling like a pair of teenagers.

Once we've finished our desert, Richard asks for the check and places his black Amex inside the book for the waiter. We get up and leave the restaurant hand-in-hand.

* * *

Musical recommendation for this part is: /watch?v=NHpv7NKNxco (_really listen to the lyrics_)

Thankfully, when I pull up outside the edge water hotel the vultures have dissipated. I don't need them to see me if I get shot down. I don't think I'm prepared to see what I see. They are playfully wiping food on each other's face and kissing it off. I feel like I'm being punched repeatedly, like someone's stomping all over my heart.

"No. No, please." I whisper dejectedly. I see the wife-fucker use the universal sign-language for

_Check please, I'm off to get laid_

I quickly make my way back to my car and wait for them to leave. I don't know if I want to see what's next but I can't convince myself to turn around and go back home like the loser I just professed not to be. They walk out hand in hand and each look or touch they give each other lacerates my heart. The valet brings his car around and he opens the door for her; _she'll like that, she'll find it romantic._ I think dejectedly. Shit, this really, really hurts. I feel my heart beat but it's like it isn't mine, the bastard saunters around the car like the prick he is and gets inside. Before pulling into traffic he leans across and kisses her cheek, he must have said something funny because she throws her head back in laughter. I miss her, I miss her girlish giggle; I doubt she'll ever giggle for me again, not like she used too. I let them get ahead and silently follow them…

_Oh, snap! He's not taking her back to the big house. She's going to his place…_ I stoically ignore those thoughts. She won't have sex with him, she wouldn't do that. She won't.

_I bet she said the same about you. Let her be._ He states, quietly; with not an ounce of sarcasm. All that is evident in his tone is pure sadness. I'm not listening to my conscious anymore. I want her back; I'm going to get her back. I notice him indicate to pull into his driveway; which isn't gated. I slow and stop a little ahead of them. I get out of the car and creep closer to the house to get a better view.

He gets out of the driver's seat, and like a true lady Anastasia waits for him to open her door. He takes her hand and as he pulls her from the car, instead of following his lead she pulls him to her, so she's pushed up against the car door. I feel physically sick when I see him push up against her, with his fingers in her hair. She leans forward and takes a hold of his face, placing her lips upon his. It's a hungry kiss, I see him push his hips into hers as her hands explore her body. My heart is hammering in my chest. I can't breathe, I can't … I… the pain is crushing me from within.

_Please baby, come back to me. Please? _I silently implore her. He pulls away from her lips and kisses his way down her neck; she likes it when I kiss the spot behind her ear. It drives her crazy with need. But it's not me with my lips and hands on her, its someone else. I caused this. It's nobody's fault but mines.

They break apart and start laughing at each other. He grabs her hand and they run up the porch steps, he's struggling to get the keys in the door as Ana wraps her arms around his waist and leans her cheek on his back. I can't believe she slaps him on the butt when he doesn't open the door quick enough. I can hear her giggle; and it makes me feel heart-sick. Eventually he succeeds in unlocking the door and they slip into the house. I don't need to see anymore, my mind can continue just fine on its own! So why do I find that I am I moving closer? And closer still, so that I can see into through the living room window?

* * *

(Song: You lost me by Christina Aguilera)

"Open the door, its bloody freezing out here!" I slap him hard on the butt, giggling like a fool.

"Ana, I'm trying… if you stop swatting my ass and kissing my back I may have more success!" he laughs back, trying and failing to appear indignant.

"Do you really want me to stop doing this?" I put both my arms underneath his and place my palms flat on his chest, kissing his back through his shirt, making my journey due south.

"Fuck.. Ana" He groans at me and it makes me feel powerful, I am in control. It feels good, really good.

"HA! I got it open" He pulls the door open and I stay behind him with my arms locked around his chest; which makes it difficult to walk properly so we stumble inside the house and I kick the door shut with my foot. Richard strokes his thumb over my lip and kisses me with passion and desire. I feel it emanating out of his pores, like a visible aura around him.

"Would you like to spend the night with me Anastasia?" He asks as he runs his hand along my jaw. My breath hitches at the look of pure unadulterated lust, and places a gentle kiss on my parted-with-desire lips.

"I want too, but I don't know how to be with another man, all I've ever known is Christian." I say sadly, and then I want to punch myself in the face for mentioning my cheating arse of a husband and killing the mood.

"Its okay honey, we'll take this slow. I just want to hold you in my arms and be with you. We don't have to do anything you're not ready for" I smile up at him and kiss his lips once more.

"You're a wonderful man Richard" He smiles shyly at me and leads me to what I assume is his living room. I gasp at the romantic sight before me.

A real log fireplace is the main focus of the space; a fire burns low and it emanates warmth and soft light. There is a duvet positioned in front of it with some pillows and a soft fleece blanket. A bottle of Champagne on ice and chocolate covered strawberries sitting on the table.

He takes my hand and pulls me further into the room.

"I don't want you to think that I expect you to do anything tonight, not that I would object if you did – I mean you're a gorgeous woman, and I am so attracted to you." I avert my eyes to the floor. He places his index and middle fingers under my chin to make me lift my gaze to his.

"Look at me, I'm serious. I'm not going to pressure you, but I thought it would be good to spend some time getting to know each other and talk, in a more comfortable environment." I can't help the blush that passes over my skin.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea Richard" I caress his sweet face. I feel so different around him, he feels different; like I can ask him anything and not have to worry that what I want to ask will send him to his study to sulk for days.

"I'll be back in a minute, just by the side of the couch there's a little something for you" He smiles shyly and leaves the room. My stomach is in knots. I want him, I really do but I just don't know if I can be with someone else in that way?

I lean over the side of the couch and there's a gift bag waiting for me. I get excited and my lip gets caught in the confines of my teeth as read the note card attached.

_I didn't think you would bring an overnight bag with you, so I took the opportunity to get you something you would be comfortable in, I hope you like  
it – Richard x_

I hope it isn't some skimpy lingerie because I won't be wearing it. I peel the cello tape off the bag and look inside. I giggle when I pull out a pair of cotton yoga pants and a t-shirt. That was really sweet. He comes back into the room as I'm holding the clothes in my hand. He looks so nervous. As nervous as I feel, perhaps?

"Thank you Richard, you didn't have to go to this much trouble." I say whilst smiling at him. He has changed into sweat pants, and a tight white shirt, one that shows each line of his ripped abs. He strides over to me and brushes his lips against mine

"You're worth a whole lot of trouble Ana!" He rests his forehead against mines and wraps his strong arms around me "Do you want to get changed? The bathroom is just down the hall, third door on the left"

I leave and head to the bathroom; I quickly get changed, leaving my sexy lingerie on. Just in case something leads to a little something. I grab his mouthwash and rinse my mouth out. I fix my hair and touch up with some lip gloss. I walk back into the living room, there is soft music playing in the background and Richard is sitting in the middle of our makeshift bed. He reaches out for me and steadies me as I get down on the floor beside me. I lay down on my back and Richard lies on his side, his head leaning on his elbow. His other hand is running up and down my hip slowly, a gentle soothing gesture.

"Can I just say that you are a vision in yoga pants, especially over that tight ass of yours?" I can't help but giggle. I turn onto my side, facing him and mirroring his position. Hand strays from its current position on my hip around to my behind as he squeezes and flexes his hand. A hot hard stab of desire courses through my groin. He leans forward and kisses me, raising his hand to grab the bowl of strawberries, he sits up cross-legged and holds one by the stalk…

"Would you like one? I had my housekeeper make them especially for tonight." He holds it above my mouth; I trace my tongue across my lower lip before biting down on it. I open my mouth and accept the juicy strawberry from him, biting and sucking at it.

"Mmm, they're really good. May I?" I ask as I sit up, I take one of the white chocolate varieties and hold the stalk between my teeth I crawl onto his lap. I have my legs wrapped around his hips and my butt sitting on top of his legs, which are still crossed. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean into his mouth, still holding the fruit between my teeth. He bites down, eating the strawberry as the juice runs down his chin. He can't wipe it away as both his hands are stroking my behind. I spit the stalk out and lick the juice from his lips. I kiss, and bite his lower lip, caressing his tongue with mine. My hands find their way into his hair and I pull on it. My hips start to grind against his crotch at their own accord.

"Oh Ana" He adds breathlessly as I kiss and nip at his neck. "You are so sexy" he is practically panting, but I freeze as those words pass his lips. I pull back to look at him and he looks up at me; I have tears in my eyes and I don't know why?

"Ana… what's wrong?" He looks so concerned. I can't help the few tears slip down my cheeks.

"It's just… after everything that happened… how can I believe that? If I was enough, sexy enough or even beautiful then he wouldn't have looked elsewhere. I guess I always knew in the back of my mind that he would wake up one day and realize what I said all along, that I couldn't give him what he always needed and I wasn't good enough for him. So many people wanted us to fail, some even said…

'in time he will finally open his eyes and realize this isn't the life for him, that you aren't what he wants or needs, he may think you are right now, but one day soon you'll be left with nothing!'

He would always tell me differently, feeding me the lies and obviously waiting for the moment to move on. I thought he loved our life together, we were a family, a happy family; I guess he just knew how to play the part well. No matter how hard I tried, to be the best wife and mother I could be, it was never good enough to keep him" The dam that I've been holding onto for so long now, bursts and I cry, I sob. I just want him to want me; I want him not to have done this, to not break what we had. I wanted to be enough, but it's too late, I'm done, we lost everything we built between us, she won, and our love is gone.

"No, Ana… oh honey! Shh… it's going to be alright it'll get better I promise. I know it seems like the pain is never ending but you'll get there."

"I won't, I'm a failure! I thought he loved me, I thought he loved us. Now my kids live in a broken home with a weekend dad. I was never good enough and I was foolish to believe that I ever was. The worst thing is that I didn't even notice that there were problems; I'm not saying that I am a saint, I'm far from it. But, we were still intimate, I didn't detect a thing, I didn't have a clue until I went to surprise him at our apartment in the city and my life went to hell in a hand-basket." He takes my face in his hands, and wipes my tears away, I feel like a total bitch, sitting in his lap crying about my husband's infidelity.

"Ana, honey. I'm going to be completely honest with you, I think you deserve honesty. It was Christian who failed your family, not you. You are beyond beautiful; inside and out, it's him who didn't deserve you." He takes my hands in his and looks directly into my eyes, I can tell that he is being truthful with me, or at least _he _believes that this is the truth.

"If he wanted out of your marriage he should have manned up and done it the right way. Maybe he did it this way because it's in his nature, I don't really know as I don't know him. Working with Seattle's elite, sadly I've come to notice that people can get a little full of themselves, they let their success gets the best of them; it's like they think that they don't have to explain their actions anymore? I don't understand how he could do this to you? I haven't known you for long, I mean, it's what … less than 48 hours since we met? But I do know what you have in here" he touches my temple "And in here" he places his hand over my heart and my breath hitches.

"And that's worth more than Christian Grey will ever have, you are a beautiful, savvy, smart, kind and caring woman and I know what I feel when I touch you, how he can turn away from that passion, the fire that's held within the depth of your eyes, well I'll never know?" I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck.

"Make me forget, make me forget about the pain? Please?" I weep into his neck.

"Ana, you're in a very vulnerable place right now and I feel like I'm taking advantage of you and your situation if I do this with you" he adds sadly. I turn my head to the side so that I can kiss his neck; I leave wet kisses from behind his ear, to where his skin disappears beneath his shirt

"Please?" I implore him, I need this – I need to feel wanted, I need to feel something other than hurt. He groans as my fingers explore the hem of his t-shirt.

"Please?" I say again, hoping and praying for him to want me. He moves my hands – and for a horrible split second, I think that he is rejecting me. But instead, he pulls his shirt over his head, then he pushes me to the floor and is on top of me within seconds, hungrily devouring my willing mouth. His hands pull my shirt over my head, leaving me in the very expensive, scarlet red bra that I wore this evening; which contrasts against the pale, milky tone of my skin.

"Ana, you're so beautiful. He kisses the exposed part of my breast; above my bra. He pushes the straps down my arms and unhooks the back, peeling it away from me. His hands start to softly massage the tender, sensitive flesh.

"You. Are. So. Beautiful." He says as he kisses down my stomach. He looks up into my eyes, and in this moment I believe it, I believe him. He has no reason to lie to me, if he just wanted to fuck me I wouldn't have had to ask twice.

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me, so that our bare chests are touching; skin to skin. My hands trail down his exposed back, as I kiss him, I am feeling every muscle as he moves on top of me. I move my arms so that I can lightly trace patterns down his side, until I reach the band where his skin meets his sweats. I push them down as far as I can with my hands and use my feet for the rest of the way. I feel his erection hot and hard, digging into my hip as he devours me, his hands everywhere. I pull back, we're both breathless. Panting, needing, wanting, so many pheromones soaring through our bodies all at once. I turn from my position below, and push him down into the soft duvet, in our little make-shift bed. I sit astride him, and throw my head back. My right hand makes its way into my hair, whilst my left, softly makes its way down my neck. I moan, feeling free, feeling desired. My left hand continues its decent, reaching my breasts. I pull and tease my nipple feeling the pleasure/pain sensation spread through my groin as I rock and rub my sex against his length. My breathing accelerates as I feel the deep pulling begin.

"Ana, please? I want you… Ana, I need you?" my name a valediction whispered on his lips. I lean down, and start kissing his chest, traveling south, making sure my nipples make contact with his skin the whole way. I continue to kiss his chest, running my hands over his washboard abs, my tongue lightly tracing his nipple on the way. I kiss, lick, nip and suck across his stomach, continuing down onto his length. His hips thrust upwards, of their own volition. I use my hands to pin his hips to the floor as I suck on the head of his erection. He twitches and groans with every suck and pull I give him. I softly fondle his testicles, lightly massaging them as I fuck him with my mouth. I take a moment to look up at him, with my mouth full; the carnal desire is as plain on his face, as it is in other areas.

"Ana, stop I'm going to come, I want this to last longer" the words rush from his mouth, sounding panicked and breathy.

"I need to get a condom…"he says, trying to get up.

"Where?" I ask as I kiss his stomach, and stroke his length up and down, over and over again.

"In my wallet, on … ooh! On… the… the table, fuuuck" I feel so powerful, feeling his desire for me, knowing he wants no one but me in this moment. It's heady; it's arousing, erotic and addictive. I hold the condom between my teeth crawl back up his body, passing it from my mouth to his. His hands are slightly shaking as he rips it open with his teeth and rolls it down his length. He reverses our positions so that he is back on top; he interlocks the fingers of both of our hands, holding them above my head. He leans down and kisses me passionately then pulls away from my lips… panting.

"Are you sure? You can still change your mind; you don't have to do this Anastasia?" for the first time a frisson of fear runs through me as I wonder what it will feel like, with someone other than my husband buried deep inside me? I've been used to an exceptional lover, has he ruined all other men for me? Richard is looking deeply into my eyes, searching for an answer…

"I'm sure" I say as I nod, his lips are back on mine in an instant, he pulls away again and runs his nose along mine.

"I'll go slowly, if you want me to stop, just say, okay honey?" I nod again.

"Thank you, for being here, for understanding." He kisses me with reverence, passion, and dare I say… admiration? He lets go of my hands as he explores my body more freely, no longer unsure of what I want and need in this moment. He kisses my neck, down center of my chest, his warm, wet mouth wrapping around my erect nipple, and suckling softly, yet I feel it echoed in my groin. His hand travels down past my hip to the back of my knee as he bends it, and opens me a little wider, a little more exposed. His hand travels back up the inside of my calf, his fingernails grazing the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. I need this, I want it. I cry out in pleasure as his fingers reach my core. I've been left bereft of intimacy for so long that I have to use every part of my inner strength to stop myself from exploding right there and then. He inserts his index and middle fingers and moves them in a slow circle, pulling, and stretching me, it feels divine. He absorbs my moans of pleasure with his mouth. He strokes my walls as he starts to tweak my tender nipples and I feel him everywhere. I am all sensation. It's just him and just me. I am hanging on the edge; I feel my muscles start to contract as does he. His movements start to slow as he pulls me back from falling over the precipice. He removes his fingers from deep within my core and slowly massages my clitoris as he mirrors the movement with his tongue in my mouth. I groan in frustration and pleasure and rake my nails down my back. I feel a slight drip of pre-come fall onto my thigh.

_Damn, that's so fucking hot!_ My inner goddess exclaims. I have to agree with her there.

"I'm going to take you now Anastasia"

"Take me, Take me now" I groan into his mouth. I feel him hard at my entrance, he slowly pushes into me and I cry out at the presence of the overwhelming fullness I've missed. He pauses for a beat, then pulls back out.

"Harder, Richard. Faster!" His breath is hot on my neck as he speeds up his thrusts.

"Ana" he kisses my neck as he lifts me higher and higher… faster and harder…

"Fuck!" I cry out. He reaches his hand down between my thighs and rubs in circles as he thrusts into me.

"Shit. Ana, you feel amazing, oh god you're so tight, and wet!" He increases the pressure that he is using on my clitoris and I know it won't be long. Ohh…. Fuck!

"Harder, I'm going to come, but I need you to go harder." I grip his hair in my hands and pull hard as he pounds into me, skin slapping against skin.

" FUUUCK ANA!" The desperation and intensity of his climax tips me over the edge as I come violently around him.

"AHHH! Fuck! Richard!" He continues to thrust and rub my clitoris, not pausing or stopping to catch his breath. I can't go again, I can't.

"Jesus, SHIT!" I am yelling out loudly because my nerves are hyper sensitive.

"Come on Ana, come for me again, I know you can. I want to make you scream my name once more. He grazes my shoulder with his teeth, licking, biting and sucking on my skin and I continue to scale the mountain of release once more. Sheen of sweat covers our skin as thrusts into me over and over, hitting each and every sweet-spot I have. I dig my nails into his back as he comes:

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" He squeezes my clitoris between his thumb and forefinger getting that acute pleasure/pain balance perfectly, which sends me wild.

"RICHARD! OH GOD!" He thrusts into me, continuing to squeeze the nub of frazzled nerves, causing this orgasm to go on and on, spasms of pleasure ricochet through us both as he collapses on top of me. I am breathless, and exhausted.

"Ana, my god. That was amazing" He places a sweet, delicate kiss upon my lips.

"Wow!" Is all I can say and we both laugh.

"Are you okay honey? He runs his hands over my arms, massaging my tired shoulders. I nod. I'm not capable of any other response. He grabs the soft fleecy blanket and drapes it over us both. He pulls me to him, chest to chest and kisses my hair.

"Shh. It's okay Ana. Shh, you haven't done anything wrong sweetie, you have nothing to feel guilty for" Right now, guilt is all I can feel.

"Cry it out sweetie. Just cry it all out." He comforts me as he holds me tightly in his strong arms, and for right now… that's all I want and need.

* * *

**_A/N: Well, I hope this pleases the ones who wanted Ana to get a little something, something! ;) Well, in my opinion she got a lot of something!_**

**_A gargantuan thank you to LouisVuittonFreak who helped me massively with this chapter as I found it really, really difficult to find Ana & Richard's inner smut. Once Tex Mex sent me some of her idea's I worked from there, some of the dialog in this chapter comes directly from her so go check out her stories… you'll love them :P_**

**_I think this is how Ana would react to this situation, although she has nothing to feel guilty for, Richard is only the second man to touch her intimately in all her 31 years. She's had some hard times of late, and I thought she deserved a different type of HARD time *suggestive wink*_**

**_Please stick with me through this, I know it's hard to read about Ana and Christian with other people, but if you stop reading now, you'll never know what happens! I also apologize for the later update, and the huuuuge chapter... I figured you'd prefer a chapter of this nature all at once, and I didn't want to leave you hanging!_**

**_– Susie. xox_**


	22. Chapter 22: I understand now baby

**All characters belong to E. L. James. Story line is mines :D**

* * *

I can't believe what I see… a warm low burning fire, even a duvet, pillows and blankets to snuggle up together with. Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries…

The window is open, so I can hear what they are saying to each other. I don't want to hear it but I can't find the strength to walk away…

**"I don't want you to think that I expect you to do anything tonight, not that I would object if you did – I mean you're a gorgeous woman, and I am so attracted to you."**

_… _I'm pretty sure he's just saying that to get into her panties. I clench my jaw, and my fists. My breathing is laboured, inhaling and exhaling rapidly, to match the furious pace of my heart. Ana averts her eyes to the ground; the sight of her submissive stance makes me think that she just physically slapped me.

**"Look at me, I'm serious. I'm not going to pressure you, but I thought it would be good to spend some time getting to know each other and talk, in a more comfortable environment."**

_Talking… the one thing that Ana always wanted from you was to talk to her. Now some other man is giving her something that you found so difficult to give her throughout the nine years you shared._

**"That sounds like a wonderful idea Richard" **– Baby, please no. I'll talk to you; I'll share every single thought that passes through my fucked-up head if you just come back to me, please? I implore her to listen, to look up and see me standing here… but she doesn't, her entire being is currently focused on him and only him.

**"I'll be back in a minute, just by the side of the couch there's a little something for you" **

He gives her a shy smile and then leaves the room. BIG mistake buddy, Ana hate's gifts! I see her expression change, from lustful to apprehensive in a nanosecond. She bites her lip as she reads the notecard attached to the bag and raises her eyebrows, as if to scoff at what he has suggested? I bet its lingerie, she won't wear it, YES! He's fucked it up; she'll leave any moment… she opens the bag and pulls out some garments, a beaming smile passes across her face as she looks at the yoga pants and t-shirt he's given her…

_You've got to give it to him Grey, he's good. He's a pro at hearts and flowers. You don't stand a chance at competing with him – _I close my eyes and drown out the torment that I'm giving myself.

He enters the room again, wearing sweats and a t-shirt himself. He looks unsure of himself, like he's worried about her reaction.

_Ooooh, he works out! Look how ripped he is, he has a much better body than you Grey, he's just so much better than you full stop._

**"Thank you Richard, you didn't have to go to this much trouble" **Ana says and she can't keep the smile off her face.

**"You're worth a whole lot of trouble Ana!" **I hate to admit this but he's right, I will never forget Ana's worth ever again.

**"Do you want to get changed? The bathroom is just down the hall, third door on the left" **He asks her, she nods and leaves my line of sight. All that's left is him; he moves to his iPod docking station and sets the mood with soft music playing in the background, then sits on the floor, amongst the pillows and blankets. I always wanted to make love to Ana in front of a warm fire; we've done a lot of stuff together, both kinky and romantic; we've shared many firsts over the years and now _they _are sharing a first that I wanted, that **_I_** should've had.

After what feels like an eternity, Ana walks back into the room, her hair is in loose waves, her eyes are bright and twinkling, he keeps her steady as she gets down on the floor beside him. She lies on her back whilst he is turned onto his side, running his hand up and down her hip. I want to close my eyes, to turn away, to not have to watch this but I can't convince make my body respond? I am frozen to the spot, forced to endure this hell that is playing out in front of me.

**"Can I just say that you are a vision in yoga pants, especially over that tight ass of yours?" **In essence he's right, but Ana looks a vision all the time, it doesn't matter what she wears, she always looks gorgeous. Her giggle fills the room, and travels out the window into my ears; stabbing me in the gut, cutting right through all the bullshit and hurting the very core of my soul. Ana turns to face him, reflecting his position. His hand roams around her hip and flexes across her wonderfully firm ass, I want to be the one who's touching her. He leans in and kisses her, my heart is racing. I don't know how I manage it but I don't make a sound, I don't move. I just watch and endure; I will take it as punishment to absolve us of what I done; to have the opportunity to fix our marriage. He reaches up and grabs the strawberries and sits up, holding one by the stalk…

**"Would you like one? I had my housekeeper make them especially for tonight." **I watch Ana's face closely as she runs the tip of her tongue across her bottom lip before biting down on it. She opens her mouth and seductively eats the strawberry, sucking at it as she does so.

**"Mmm, they're really good. May I?" **She asks, sitting up and taking one out of the bowl. She holds it between her teeth, and crawls onto his lap. An involuntary, wretched sob escapes my throat. I clasp my hand over my mouth to muffle noise. She offers him the strawberry from her mouth, his hands are holding onto her ass as he flexes his hand. She licks and sucks up the residual juice that has slipped down his chin then kisses him so passionately, so full of desire. Her hips start to grind down on him; whenever she gets turned on her hips start to rock, I've always loved that.

**"Oh Ana"** he breathes as she kisses his neck, **"You are so sexy" **his eyes are closed, enjoying it. His voice; strained with desire for her. I know from experience that when you're with Ana, in that way… all coherent thoughts leave your mind and all you want, all you need is _her_. I notice that as soon as the words are whispered huskily from his lips she freezes.

_Yes baby, you know this isn't right. You know that it isn't him you want. You want and need me._ I all but fist pump the air, she can't do it... she can't go through with it.

**"Ana… what's wrong?" **He asks, concerned. _She doesn't want you, prick. She wants __**me**__!_

**"It's just… after everything that happened… how can I believe that? If I was enough, sexy enough or even beautiful then he wouldn't have looked elsewhere." **No baby, no. You are enough, you are sexy and beautiful, I was stupid. I was selfish. I can't bear her thinking that. How can she think that?

_Because you fucked another woman Grey! Whilst you wanted to fuck Allyson, you didn't want to fuck Ana._

**"I guess I always knew in the back of my mind that he would wake up one day and realise what I said all along, that I couldn't give him what he always needed and I wasn't good enough for him. So many people wanted us to fail, some even said…**

'in time he will finally open his eyes and realise this isn't the life for him, that you aren't what he wants or needs, he may think you are right now, but one day soon you'll be left with nothing!'

**He would always tell me differently, feeding me the lies and obviously waiting for the moment to move on. I thought he loved our life together, we were a family, a happy family; I guess he just knew how to play the part well. No matter how hard I tried, to be the best wife and mother I could be, it was never good enough to keep him" **

I wasn't prepared for this, to hear her thoughts, to hear her self-doubt, to witness what I'd done to her self-esteem, her self-worth. I have ruined her confidence. I hear the sobs that heave from her chest as tears fall down my face.

_I wasn't feeding you lies. I wasn't lying, I wasn't playing a part when I was with you baby. I swear._

**"No, Ana… oh honey! Shhh… it's going to be alright it'll get better I promise. I know it seems like the pain is never ending but you'll get there."** He coos in her ear, rubbing her back, soothing the heart that is broken by what I did, full of jagged edges, when I sliced it with the blunt, rusted knife of betrayal.

_See how he comforts her Grey? Watch what you lossed; watch what you ripped from us and handed to him._

**"I won't, I'm a failure! I thought he loved me, I thought he loved us?" **I did, I do. I always will, how can she think I don't love her? That I didn't love what we had? I fucked up, I know that but I will always love her. Always.

** "Now my kids live in a broken home with a weekend dad. I was never good enough and I was foolish to believe that I ever was" **No. No baby you were enough, you are enough.

** "The worst thing is that I didn't even notice that there were problems; I'm not saying that I am a saint, I'm far from it. But, we were still intimate, I didn't detect a thing, I didn't have a clue until I went to surprize him at our apartment in the city and my life went to hell in a hand-basket." **I will regret that day, that weekend for the rest of my life. I needed that weekend to get her out of my system. I figured that those lunch sessions kept me going back as I didn't have enough time to truly get it out, one weekend and it would be over for good. I told Allyson as soon as she arrived, that after 1pm on the Sunday, she wouldn't hear from me again. I couldn't live with the guilt of what I was doing any longer. She listened as I told her that the guilt of what I'd done to Teddy, seeing his face filled with disappointment, it hurt to do that but I had to… I wanted to finish it. Move passed it, and then we could go back to our normal lives, the lives where I wasn't a cheating bastard and where I could still look at my family without wanting to fall at their feet and repent for what I'd done over those four treacherous months. She agreed with me; that home is where I should be. We went into the playroom and as soon as our session was over I was getting in my car and going home, to my bed, to my wife. Then I turned around and everything fell apart.

** "Ana, honey. I'm going to be completely honest with you, I think you deserve honesty. It was Christian who failed your family, not you. You are beyond beautiful; inside and out, it's him who didn't deserve you." **He's right, I hate it but he's right. I failed, not her. She is beautiful, pure, kind… she is everything I'm not. Ana doesn't comment, the tears are still falling from her eyes.

**"If he wanted out of your marriage he should have manned up and done it the right way. Maybe he did it this way because it's in his nature, I don't really know as I don't know him. Working with Seattle's elite, sadly I've come to notice that people can get a little full of themselves, they let their success gets the best of them; it's like they think that they don't have to explain their actions anymore?" **I didn't want out, I never wanted out. I always want her in my life.

**"I don't understand how he could do this to you? I haven't known you for long, I mean, it's what … less than 48 hours since we met?" **I don't know how I could do that to her either. I'll spend the rest of my existence asking myself that very question.

**"But I do know what you have in here" **He brushes his fingers over her temple.

**"And in here" **He places his flattened palm over her heart.

**"And that's worth more than Christian Grey will ever have, you are a beautiful, savvy, smart, kind and caring woman and I know what I feel when I touch you, how he can turn away from that passion, the fire that's held within the depth of your eyes, well I'll never know?" **I know the passion that is within the depths of my wife. I know how it feels to touch her too, and I still turned away, I still broke her heart, broke her spirit. She wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his neck.

**"Make me forget, make me forget about the pain? Please?" **No. No baby, please don't do this. Please don't take that from me, you're and our kids are all I have. You are the only one I want and need. More than anything else in this shitty world.

**"Ana, you're in a very vulnerable place right now and I feel like I'm taking advantage of you and your situation if I do this with you" **Yes. You would be taking advantage you dick, you fucking bastard. I feel anger coursing through my veins, anger is better than despair. But it vanishes as quickly as it appeared when Ana turns her head and touches her lips to his neck. His eyes close and know that he is trying to control himself but I also know that his struggle is futile. I know from experience that it's impossible to resist Ana's touch.

**"Please?" **She begs him with tear-stained cheeks, her eyes still watering as she fondles with the hem of his t-shirt.

**"Please?" **if it's possible, her anguish reaches another level. He moves her hands from his shirt and rejects he, I release a breath I didn't know I was holding … NO! No, no, no, he groans as he lifts his shirt over her head and moves on top of her. Kissing each other like their lives depend on nothing else, like all they need in this moment, is each other. He removes the t-shirt that he bought her, my dick twitches as I see her in a bright red, lacy bra. I'm still frozen, still watching, still enduring my punishment.

**"Ana, you're so beautiful" **he breathes as he kisses the exposed part of her breast. He pushes the straps down her arms and unhooks her bra, removing it completely. He massages her breasts, touching them, feeling them, enjoying them.

**"You. Are. So. Beautiful**" he adds as he kisses his way down her stomach. He looks up at her earnestly, and she believes him. She wraps her arms around him; pulling him to her and holding him until their skin touches, pressed together so close that air couldn't pass between them.

_Still watching, still enduring._ I have to watch this, for if I don't succeed in my mission to get her back, I'll have to watch and endure it for the rest of my life, I can't let that happen. Ana trails her fingertips down his sides, he shudders with pure pleasure. The reaction her touch insight's unbelievable, but I've experienced it, the look of confusion that crosses his face, he doesn't understand how one simple touch is making him quiver. I had the pleasure of that for nine wonderful years and I still don't understand it.

I want to vomit, I want to be physically sick when she pushes his pants and boxers down as far as she can with her hands and uses her feet the rest of the way. I feel the bile rise in my throat but I swallow it down. He shakes the clothing from his ankles. I see how aroused he is, and I still can't look away. Ana turns from her position on the bottom, to the top. She sits astride him and throws her head back in ecstasy, her long chestnut hair cascading down her back. One hand goes into her hair and the other makes it way down her neck, softly moaning in response to her own touch, I can tell that she is feeling free, feeling his desire, his need for her. Her hand continues on its decent and reaches her breast. She pulls and teases her nipple, obviously feeling the pleasure echoed in her groin. She rocks and rubs her sex against him, her breathing gets quicker, harsher and I know she's close.

**"Ana, please? I want you… Ana, I need you?"** My heart aches when I hear her name whispered on his lips, the way I used to when my need for her outweighed all other coherent thoughts. She kisses his chest.

_Oh that's got to sting, especially when at the start of your 'arrangement' you wouldn't let her do that to you. Yet, this man allows it, you want to know why? Because he's not a fucked up bastard without a heart._ I do have a heart. Ana's my heart. She is. She always will be.

_But will you still be hers? _I have no answer for that. I feel so tired, so weary when her mouth touches his length.

_Please, baby please stop. I can't stand this, it's killing me slowly. It's torturing me. Don't make me watch anymore._

**"Ana, stop I'm going to come, I want this to last longer" **NO! Baby please no. I try to stop the angry, hurt tears that fall from my eyes but I can't. And I can't turn away.

**"I need to get a condom…" **He tries to get up, this is it. She's really going to do this and I can't find the strength to stop her.

**"Where?" **She breathes her need just as strong as his. She kisses his stomach, and runs her hand over his length.

**"In my wallet, on … ooh! On… the… the table, fuuuck" **She has the look of power on her face, she's enjoying his need for her, did I ever give her that? Did I ever let her have control? I make a vow, here and now that if I ever get her back that she'll have control, I'll give it to her gladly. She gets the condom and crawls back to him, passing it from her mouth to his; he rips it open with his teeth and rolls it on. He reverses them, so that he's now on top. He interlocks their hands, holding them above her, but it's not so that she can't touch him, it's because of the connection it brings to be held like that. He kisses her passionately then pulls away, looking deeply into her hooded eyes panting.

**"Are you sure? You can still change your mind; you don't have to do this Anastasia?" **For the first time, I see doubt on her face… then she makes a decision. I hold my breath and wait for her answer, just as he does.

**"I'm sure" **She says as she nods her head. His lips are back on hers, pausing to run his nose down hers.

**"I'll go slowly, if you want me to stop, just say, okay honey?" **She nods and takes a deep breath.

I watch in astonishment as he touches her, worshiping her beautiful body. Bringing her to the edge of insanity and back again.

**"I'm going to take you now Anastasia" **He breaths.

**"Take me, Take me now" **she groans back. I watch in horror as he sinks into her, pauses, then pulls back out

**"Harder, Richard. Faster!" **She encourages, telling him what she needs, what she wants. How she likes it. He increases the speed and ferocity of his thrusts.

**"Ana"** He breathes her name whilst kissing her neck; he lifts her higher and closer with each push and pull.

**"FUCK!" **She exclaims as he reaches between her legs, massaging her, bringing her closer.

**"Shit. Ana, you feel amazing, oh god you're so tight, and wet" **For someone who has gave birth vaginally; she is still as tight as the day I met her, and I know how wet she gets, and how quickly.

**"Harder, I'm going to come, but I need you to go harder" **I smirk; she's never had to say that to me. I always give it to her as hard as she needs it. My smirk disappears when he starts screaming her name at the top of his voice, which sends her into an intense climax

**"FUUCCK ANA!"**

**"AHH Fuck! Richard!" **He keeps thrusting into her with the same intensity, not pausing, no catching their breath. Round one thrust's straight into round two.

**"Jesus, SHIT!"**

**"Come on Ana, come for me again, I know you can. I want to make you scream my name once more" **He bites and sucks on her skin as he pushes her up to release again. She digs her nails into his back as he screams

**"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK" **I can see him squeezing her clitoris between his fingers.

**"RICHARD, OH GOD"** he continues to thrust into her, still squeezing the ball of nerves, extending her climax. He collapses on top of her, both of them sweaty and exhausted.

"Ana, my god. That was amazing" He kisses her lips.

**"Wow"** she pants.

**"Are you okay honey?"** I see the –now appropriately named – Wife-fucker run his hands over her arms, massaging her shoulders, Ana just nods. He grabs one of the blankets and drapes it over them. Holding her, chest to chest. He kisses her hair and I see her shoulders bob up and down

**"Shh. It's okay Ana. Shh, you haven't done anything wrong sweetie, you have nothing to feel guilty for"** He holds her in his arms and soothes her

**"Cry it out sweetie. Just cry it all out."** I see him comforting MY WIFE! And all I feel is pure white rage. I stand there for a few moments, contemplating whether to kick the door down and kill him. But it's not him or even Ana that I am mad at… I'm mad at myself.

I can't help replaying him sinking into her ball deep and I just loose it. I punch and punch fuck out of the wall. I keep hitting, and hitting. Thankfully I don't feel any physical pain due to the adrenaline that's pumping through my body. I hate everything and everyone. I just want to kill him. I sink to the ground and placing my palm over my mouth as I sob. My life Is in tattered ruins, as the tears slip down my cheeks I slip the wedding band off of my left hand. I drop it beside the window that punished me, the window that taunted me as it broke my heart.

_He's rather romantic; he's everything you're not. This is what you should have done on your first date, but no. You rammed your way through her virginity with not an ounce of love for anyone but yourself. This guy barely knows her, yet he knows what she wants. He knows how to be hearts and flowers in a way you never will_ – No, I am enough. I am enough for Ana…

_And there we have it Christian. Do you realise now how Ana felt when she had to stand and watch you enjoy every moment, wanting to leave, to run but unable to do so? You are suffering through half the betrayal that Ana witnessed. At least she isn't coming home tonight to fuck you and repeat to you, the words she said to him._

I pick myself up, and quickly get into my car; and travel back to my apartment. As I drive, all I can think of is how he is probably better for her, safer for her to be around. If I was a good man, I would leave her to live a full and wonderful life with doctor dipshit; but I'm not a good man. I want and need Ana, and no one will ever touch my soul the way she did. I am a better man with her by my side. I just want my family back… I won't stop 'till I have you wrapped safely in my arms. I love you baby. I will be worthy of your love once more.

* * *

I'm starting to worry about Christian; I hope he hasn't done anything stupid? I have seen him get into some pretty horrific fights during his teenage years for a lot less than the magnitude of this particular situation. I shouldn't have come here this evening; he wouldn't have been able to go anywhere if I hadn't interfered. My cell phone starts ringing and Carrick's name pops up on the screen… I knew it; he's gone and got himself arrested. I answer the call, slightly apprehensive to know what Christian has gone and done to that poor unfortunate man.

"Hello Carry"

"Hi sweetheart. What is taking you so long, are you still with our idiotic son?" Carrick is still angry at Christian for what he's done to our daughter-in-law and our grandchildren.

"No, our idiotic son has gone out and I'm sitting with the children."

"I miss you, how long is he going to be? I want you home…" His voice gets husky and I know what that tone means. I can also tell that he's pouting. I'm afraid to tell him my fears of what Christian may have done, I hope I'm wrong.

"I think he may have gone and done something stupid Carrick. He saw pictures of Ana online, she was off out on a date with another man, he said to me to stay with the children, because he was going to get his wife back. I tried to stop him, but you know what he's like once his minds made up, like someone else I may know" I leave out the part of how I put the seed in his head, I didn't mean for him to go and try to win her back right that second.

_Gracie, you have to remember that Christian is a literal man. He doesn't do 'waiting' you should know that by now._

"I'll wait for a call from the county jail then. You know what his temper is like; he would have seen that man with his hands on Ana and lost it." We both sigh.

"I know Carry; I'm just hoping that I'm wrong. Call me if you hear anything, right away."

"This is sooo not how I saw my night playing out." I can't help but laugh, we may be older but we still full enjoy all aspects of our marriage.

"I'll see you when I get home. I love you Carrick. If you do hear from Christian, be easy on him, he's not in the best place right now." I add in a placating tone.

"Maybe so Grace, but it's all of his making. But… for you my darling, I will try to keep a hold of my temper"

"You and Christian may not have the same blood running through your veins, but your personalities are identical, that's why you fight each other so much"

"You may be right there darling, I love you too. Call me if he comes back to you, or else I'll worry."

We say our goodbyes and I breathe deeply. I am sitting reading a magazine to try and occupy my racing mind when I hear Olivia start crying. Once I've made her a bottle, I head up to her nursery and scoop her up.

"Hello sweetness" I say as I rock her back and forth. "What's wrong baby girl?" She rubs her eyes and rests her head on my shoulder.

"Da" I smile at my granddaughter. She's so like Ana, in the fact that her whole world centers on Christian. I turn on her soother, which plays lullabies and casts shapes and colors all over the room. I take her to the overstuffed nursing chair in the corner and rock her whilst she hungrily drinks.

"Oh sweetie, I hope you are lucky enough to see your parents like they should be. Your mommy loves daddy so much, but don't you worry, everything will work out the way it's supposed too" I sigh, wistfully at the way things used to be. I snuggle her close until she falls back asleep, and place her back in the crib. I head back downstairs and resume my post; pacing and waiting. I check my watch and it's just after 11pm he's been gone for nearly three hours. Maybe I'm just assuming the worst, maybe Christian has convinced her to give them another shot and they've went back to the big house to … _make up? _I hope that's the case, but my mother's intuition tells me that my son is in terrible pain, whether emotionally or physically remains to be seen.

A long while later, or it feels like a long while, the elevator pings and I am hoping and praying that they walk in together.

"Mom"

I stand up; the look on my sons face as he walks through the door makes my weary heart ache.

"Baby, come here" he walks over to me and I wrap my arms around him. He clings to me, holding on for dear life.

"She… she. I saw it, I … oh god it hurts; I understand now. I understand what she went through when she watched. I know. I know now. I want her, mom I just want her. I need _my _Ana."

I miss half of his words as they are drowned in heart wrenching sobs. My son is in pain and I hate it. He has regressed back to that four year old little boy in hospital issue pyjamas, but I couldn't offer him physical comfort then. Ana made what I'm doing right now possible; which makes the very real threat of them ending even harder to bear. That woman gave me the son I always knew Christian could be, and now look at him. How he could do that to her, to get to this point is so difficult to understand. I hold him, and rock him until his sobs disperse. I try to pull away, to talk to him, to find out what happened but he just holds onto me even tighter.

"Christian, I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying right here. I just want to make sure you're okay"

"I know. I just don't want to let go yet" I close my eyes and tears stream down my face. I hate to see him like this. It pains me, physically wounds me. So I stay, with him wrapped in my arms. Offering him some comfort, he slowly starts to let go, little by little, releasing the pressure that his arms have clamped around me. When I look at his face, the sheer terror that is emoted on his features makes my eyes start watering.

"Darling, please talk to me. I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened. I'll hold your hand, I won't let go no matter how bad you think you've behaved. I'm your mother and I will love you always" I look down to grasp his hand, and I pale at the state it's in. My eyes flash up to his, as he looks at his hand… he seems as shocked to see it as I am.

"Christian, my god! What did you do to your hand, it looks broken? Tell me you didn't attack that man?" The anguish I feel is evident in the tone of my voice. I try to carefully examine his hand; his knuckles are severely swollen, some look like they could possibly be broken?

"I saw them, in the restaurant. Flirting, kissing." He screws his eyes up and shakes his head as he replays it in his mind. I hold onto his left hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"They left so I followed them. I thought he was taking her home… but he didn't. They went back to his place." Oh no. I know where this is going…

"When they got out of the car she pulled him to her, kissing him with the same level of passion she gave me, before I callously threw it away. Once they went into his house … I wanted to turn around and get back in my car but I couldn't stop myself from walking closer…" His eyes glisten with the tears he is trying to hold back, oh baby boy I hate that you are hurting.

"I saw … and heard everything. She cried on his shoulder about what I'd done, about how people always told her she wouldn't be enough, and how they were right. That she was foolish to believe the lies I told her when I would reassure her that she was enough. She was everything, she still is everything. She begged him to … and he said no, that he would be taking advantage so she begged and begged him to make her forget the pain, the pain that I inflicted on her. She has no self-esteem left, no self-confidence; I ripped that from her, right in this fucking hell hole." He looks around the room, and I see the hate he feels towards where the rotten root of what he did lies, where it taunts him.

"I wanted to turn around, I didn't want to see but I couldn't make myself leave. He tried to resist her, but I know how hard that is, I tried to resist Ana from the moment I met her but I couldn't do it for any length of time and neither could he.

I watched him touch my wife, I watched him go where only I had been and I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like …. I feel like she did when she walked in on what I did, in the room where our life began" He looks up at me, and I can't bear to see him in pain like this, but I also know that Anastasia has done nothing wrong tonight. She's just trying to heal herself.

"Once they had… finished, he held her whilst she cried. Telling her that she had nothing to feel guilty for, telling her to cry it all out. I did that, I caused those tears. I wish I was a better man, the man that Ana always told me I was, the man that I thought I'd become; looks like we were both wrong. I couldn't contain the anger I felt, not at her or him, but at myself so I punched the wall over and over again, the pain of my hand paled in significance of what I'd done to the one woman who, who gave me love, showed me that you all love me, that I was worthy of your love. She was wrong about that too. So I went back to the car and drove here. I should let her go; I should let her be with him. But I can't. I'm better man when I'm with her, but I don't know how to get her back mom, how to I get her away from him, when he's everything she deserves?" I wipe away my tears and take a deep breath.

"Darling son of mine, the fact that you didn't stop her… that you allowed her to try and heal proves how much you love her. You said that you now understood how she felt?" He nods at me, holding my hand so tightly.

"Tell her that, tell her that you get it now. You know how much pain you caused her and that you're sorry for everything you did, and then, you have to prepare yourself to handle it; if she doesn't want to continue in life as your wife" My voice gets all thick as I try to contain my emotions, Christians head falls into my lap, I run my hands through his soft copper hair as he cries himself to sleep; Just like he did after a nightmare as that scared little boy. I implore Anastasia to give him one more chance, he has truly learned his lesson, if she doesn't then… we'll get him through it and I hope and pray that eventually, he'll be able to move on too.

I call Carrick quietly as Christian sleeps on my lap. I ask him to bring my medical bag so that I can treat his hand. I hope the morning of tomorrow, fairs better than this sorrowful night.

* * *

_**A/N: The response I had for the last chapter was phenomenal. Thank you for everything. I figured I'd do the same today and give you a bigger chapter. What do you think Christian should do, to show Ana that he's changed? That he understands what he did, and how sorry he feels?**_

_**- Love Susie. xox**_


	23. Chapter 23: He's given up!

I open my eyes and study the room I have spent the night in. Richard is curled up, his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly. I feel free, calm and sated; right now, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I run my fingertips across his forearm and slowly his eyes open; beautiful, light azure blue.

"Hey" I say quietly as I caress his skin.

"Good morning beautiful" He is adorable, I keep the blanket wrapped around me, hiding my nakedness as I sit up. He runs his hand down my back, sending shivers up and down my spine. He also sits up and positions himself behind me. He sweeps my hair around to one side; and he plants wet, sucking kisses on my shoulder. I can feel his breath on my neck, hot and laboured.

"Ana, last night … was amazing. I have never felt the feelings that I discovered when I was with you. You are truly a goddess" I can't believe he just said that about me… I can't help the wetness that is pooling between my legs. He turns around to face me and I look into his stunning eyes.

"Really Ana, I enjoyed a wonderful evening with you; it was … everything." I avert my eyes. I'm not used to compliments like that and I can't stop smiling, for the first time since my husband's shit hit the proverbial fan, I feel free, like I exorcised every bitter feeling as Richard worshipped me. I'm just about to kiss him, when my stomach indicates that it's ready to eat.

"Well someone is hungry this fine morning" He laughs at me. "What is it that you are hungry for?" I giggle back at him and kiss his soft, gentle lips

"Whatever is on offer…" He smiles a low sexy smile and rolls on top of me thrusting his hips against me. I can't help but giggle as he nips at my neck, blowing raspberries against my skin, tickling my ribs

"Pleeeease, Stoooop! Richard, pleeease" I am in hysterics, trying to wriggle away from him but failing miserably. He finally relents and stops tickling me, we're both breathless from laughing, and it feels like forever since I've laughed with that much enthusiasm. He kisses my nose and pins my arms above my head, interlocking our fingers whilst he deeply kisses me with reverence.

"How about, I put my pants on and let you get dressed? Then you can get the paper from the porch whilst I'll start on breakfast? Do you like… chocolate-chip pancakes?"

"Yes, that sounds like a good plan. And, I love any kind of pancakes. So move your butt and let me get dressed!" I giggle at him, who would have thought? A man who can cook…? That makes him even more attractive! He grabs his sweats that are lying on the floor beside our makeshift bed. He dons them sans boxers. He's just heading out of the door, but comes back again.

"Just one more…" he says and then kisses my lips again, his hands in my hair, leaving me breathless.

"You are just so inappropriate, Dr Harper" Providing him with a little morning banter

"Oh but, Anastasia; you're such a wonderful naughty nurse!" I bite my lower lip to stop myself from giggling. He kisses me again, and again.

"Dr Harper, I need my breakfast, I had a very tiring shift last night!"

"My shift done a lot of work last night, but he's still got energy this morning!" He adds with a wink, thrusting his hips at me, effectively illustrating his point. I smile and shake my head. He places a kiss on my forehead and jumps up. A lot happened last night, I don't know how I feel about it all. What I do know is that I had a really good time.

"I'm going to get started on breakfast, okay honey?" I smile and nod.

"When you go get started on breakfast, I'll put these on and get you your paper, then… hmm." I leave that thought hanging in the air, charging the atmosphere between us.

"Well, this is me… going to cook!" Then leaves the living room. I shake my head and smile. Last night was… amazing. I pull the yoga pants on; which I have to wear sans panties and eventually find my bra and shirt. I go to the bathroom and use his mouthwash to make me feel less guilty about missing two brushing sessions. Then try to do something half-way presentable with my fucked-twice-last-night hair. I grab the soft-bristle hair brush and smooth my frazzled locks until they are tame.

I walk out onto the porch and look around the grounds of his home. We are just on the outskirts of the city but it's like another world; totally private from nosy neighbours. I bend down to pick up the paper, and as I do I notice something shine out of the corner of my eye. I look closer and pick up the object, cleaning the mud off of it. My heart constricts inside my chest when I read the inscription on the inside of the platinum wedding band that I recognize immediately…

_'Forever will be your more'_

I close my eyes, knowing that it's more than likely that Christian seen a little of what went down last night… and he's given up, he's given me his wedding band back. SHIT!

* * *

_**I thought after over 11,000 words between chapters that you guys would enjoy a little filler chapter. So Ana thinks that Christian saw a little bit of what happened, how do you think she'll react when she see's his hand and the emotions he's going through, having felt them herself? Do you think it's time for another emotional confessional for these two? Or do you think Christian needs to pull out the big guns to woo his wife away from the Wife-Fucker as he likes to call him ;) **_

_**Please remember to review, and remain seated on the emotional-freight-train that is this story, please don't disembark yet! ;)**_


	24. Chapter 24: Realisations

**I do not own the fifty shades trilogy, or any characters from it. It however is my story line and I own any additional characters used in this piece. **

* * *

I awake still laying with my head in my mother's lap; and I'm left with the aching realization that last night really happened; that my wife is no longer only mines. I slowly sit up, the pain in my hand is purely physical, and I can handle that, it's an easy pain with an easy cure. The pain inflicted on my heart and mind won't be so black and white, for there's no cure in sight, not yet anyway.

"Christian, your father is on his way, I need my medical bag to treat your hand. I thought it would be unwise to go to hospital to get it treated with the amount of media attention already focused on you and Anastasia's marriage" she says in a small voice. I nod my agreement and stare off into space.

I start thinking of all the things Anastasia and I have done in our nine year marriage, a lot of them happened in this very apartment… is this all I have left of it; just memories of what used to be? I stand up, and make my way over to the kitchen. I can feel my mother's silent gaze focused solely on me as I move around. I got a glass, scooped some ice from the freezer with my good hand, then tried to open the scotch, one-handily; which just made me more useless. My mother finally took pity on me when I lifted the bottle to throw it at the wall.

"Christian, you dare throw that bottle! You are going to need to learn to ask for help, if you're ever going to get Ana back, asking for help doesn't mean that you're weak, it means you're strong enough to have the courage to admit that you can't do things alone" I sit down at the breakfast bar as she pours me a glass, and gets one for herself… I watch in shock as she downs it in one.

"Yes darling, your mother can drink hard-liquor when the occasion calls!" I raise my glass to her, then down mine.

"What are you planning to say to Anastasia?" She asks as she takes a seat beside me, conveniently placing the now-opened-bottle in front of me.

"I have no idea. All I know is that last night, I felt a minuscule amount of the heartbreak that she must have felt, right here in this hell hole. I can't stop thinking about them together, that she's lying in his arms right now and not here with me"

"I know this is hard darling, but … you and Ana have so much history together, you have three beautiful children. I know that Ana is still in love with you, do you want to know how I know

"How?" I ask dejectedly, probably with a sullen expression to boot.

"Christian, darling you can be so obtuse at the worst possible time. Yes, she was in another man's arms, but she was crying about you, she was hurting and she needed a distraction and that's all that man was; you said that she begged him to make her forget the pain? She is in pain because she still loves you. You know that deep down inside Christian. All you have to do is be honest about your feelings for her, dazzle her like you did in the beginning, be everything that she needs"

"I know that you're right, but I'm just so scared, I'm scared that I'll never get her back; that eventually he'll convince her to divorce me and I'll be left watching as he makes her and our kids happy"

"Christian, I have no doubt that if you don't do whatever you can to win her back then the future you've just described will happen. Anastasia is a beautiful woman; she's smart, loving and kind. I can assure you that if it isn't this young man, there will slew of other men waiting in the wings for her attention. So you need to do everything and anything to prove that nothing will stop you in getting her back"

"So I need a grand gesture?" I ask, a spark of hope shining in my reduced-to-ash heart.

"No, no grand gestures. You know that Ana has always hated the extravagant side of your personality. It's the small things, the things that appear to be silly, the small and insignificant things that really hit down deep in your gut"

I contemplate this for a few moments. I know that we need to talk, that we need to lay everything on the line; so maybe I should start with that?

"Anastasia always used to beg me to talk to her, to share my doubts, my feelings even little idea's that were running around in my head, I always thought it was stupid and pointless! Is that along the lines that you're thinking?"

"That could be a start, but don't expect miracles; tell her that you just want to talk, to lay all your cards on the table so to speak" I step down from the stool and swivel my mother's chair around so I can wrap my arms around her. I would be lost without her; I don't know how I survived all those years without my mother's physical affection.

"I love you mom. Thank you for not giving up on me; I know what I have to do. Oh… and mom?"

"Yes darling?" She smiles at me

"I don't know how I survived without your hugs"

"Me either, dear sweet son of mine" She says as she holds onto me. When I pull away, she caresses my cheek with unshed tears glistening in her eyes. We stand up and then hear my father's voice as he calls for us. He comes over and places my mother's bag on the breakfast bar, then pulls me into his arms too.

"You'll get her back, son. You have too" then squeezes my shoulder.

"I won't give up until we're a family again dad" Once my mother has finished bandaging my hand, my parents decided to just spend the night here at Escala; under the pretence of needing them to help me with the children, I know it's because they didn't want to leave me alone; either way I'm glad that they are here. I go into my office and decide to send Ana an email, typing it one handed. I read it over before sending it, praying to the gods that she'll at least agree to speak to me.

* * *

My heart is racing, I feel like I can't breathe. How much did he see?

_In your heart, you know he saw it all._ Oh god, I feel so sick. I turn on my heel, holding his ring in my closed palm. I go back into the living room; the makeshift bed is right in the line of sight of the window. SHIT! I frantically grab my clutch bag and slip his ring inside, so I don't lose it.

_What does it matter if you lose the ring? You're no longer only fifties. He won't want you now._

My subconscious is right; he won't want me anymore, in fact he's probably started divorce proceedings already. I pull my blackberry from my purse and I'm terrified to look … I click onto the email icon and there are numerous work emails, I continue to scroll down the list, my heart screeches to a halt and my breath catches when I see an email from Christian; from the early hours of the morning.

**From:** Christian Grey  
**Subject:** Heartsick  
**Date:** 23rd August 12:20am  
**To:** Anastasia Grey

Baby,

Last night, I saw you, I watched you seek comfort and understanding from another, last night I heard what you think about why I cheated; baby, I wasn't lying about our relationship, and I wasn't playing a part. I didn't want out, I will never want out of our marriage. I had to tell you that I now know what you felt and experienced when you caught me at Escala, the difference is like night and day though, you didn't sleep with Richard whilst I was at home with our children, it was me who did that, I strained all of your faith and patience. None of this was your fault. It was I who fucked everything up, baby I love you. These months have been the worst in my life, my childhood pales in comparison of how gutted and heartbroken I am for doing what I did.

I am truly sorry Ana, I wish I was a better man, I wish I could let you live a happy life with Richard… I saw how he was with you; I saw how gentle he was when he comforted you. But I'm not a better man, I need you in my life – I can't live without you and I'm going to fight for you, I'm going to win you back. Seeing another man have his hands on you was the biggest wake-up call I've ever had, it finally sunk in how much you were hurting as you stood and watched my betrayal played out in front of you. I know that I promised to let you go, I've tried to do what I thought the right thing was – but how can letting you go be the right thing when I know deep down inside that we were made for each other? You fell into my office and changed my life forever.

I will fight for you until I breathe my last Mrs Grey, please meet with me so that we can lay everything on the table. I sought out a new therapist, I've been seeing her for about two weeks but I'm not doing it for you or the children; I'm doing it for me. I need to sort my shit out.

Ana, please respond to this baby, even if it's just to tell me to fuck off. I miss you so much, my heart aches for your smile, your touch, it just aches for you Ana. I will spend the rest of my life worshiping you at your feet if you give us another chance to get what I lossed. Please respond baby,

I love you always and forever Anastasia Rose Grey.

All my love baby,

Your Stalking Husband.

Christian Grey, Broken and knows that he fucked up CEO, Grey Enterprise Holdings Inc.

Do I even want things to work out with him? I was crushed when he stopped fighting for me and let me go, I never want him to let me go, but how do we bounce back from that type of betrayal.

_Of course you want things to work out, you will bounce back because you love each other, and everyone deserves a second chance, he fucked up – and he's trying to get help for his issues. It'll take a great deal of painful work but you owe it to yourself, and your kids to at least hear him out, since when has Christian suggested 'talking' you have to strike whilst the iron is hot._

I can meet him to talk, I do owe it to my children to at least try to fix our problems; it'll take fifty a great deal of work for me to ever trust him again, I thought he would hit the roof when he found out about Richard.

_See! He's changing – he's ridding himself of his need for control_

Shit, what am I going to say to Richard?

_How about... 'Oh hey… thanks for fucking me, I'm off to talk it out with my husband?' I think that would be an accurate description of the circumstances._

I take a deep breath and head into Richards's kitchen, just as he's pouring syrup on a stack of pancakes for me; that look and smell delicious.

_As for a to-go portion_ my subconscious suggests it seems that she's her usual snarky self.

Richard looks up at me and gives me a slow, salacious smile.

"Hey beautiful, breakfast is officially ready, and once we're done we can take a dirty shower together" he says as he places my plate on the table, and wraps his arms around my waist, roaming south to squeeze my behind, shit. What do I say?

"Listen, I'm going to have to take a rain check on breakfast and the shower. I need to get home right away, I'm really sorry but it's rather urgent"

"It's okay honey, if you want – I'd like to take you out to dinner again on Wednesday; plus I want to take you in my bed and not the floor?" he licks his lips seductively.

"I'll check my schedule and get back to you okay" I offer a smile that doesn't touch my eyes. He rests his forehead on mines slowly envelops my mouth with his. We're both breathless by the time we break apart.

"Would you like me to take you back to your place?" SHIT! I don't have a fucking car…

"It's okay, I'll take a cab, you've just made yourself breakfast and I need to get home right away"

"I can heat the pancakes up when I get back. Just let me throw as shirt on and we'll get going okay?"

He rains small kisses on my lips before he leaves and heads upstairs. Jesus I am a terrible person, what have I done? Sleeping with Richard healed me, from all the negative feelings I had locked up inside, in a way he freed me from the bitterness my heart was encased in, it was a very cleansing experience.

He comes back into the room, looking hot in dark jeans and a bright, tight white v-neck t-shirt that shows every line of his sculpted body; I am starting to believe that maybe I am beautiful, because I always seem to attract gorgeous GQ model material.

"You ready honey?"

"Yes, although I don't think heels and yoga pants is a good look for me" I laugh, trying to lighten the charged atmosphere that has taken over the room.

"Personally I think those heels would look amazing hanging over my shoulders" He thrusts his hips into me and I just want to get out of here, I blush furiously which he misreads as desire. Shortly after he put on a pair of sneakers and drove me home.

We pulled into the driveway, and Richard walks around to my side and opens the door. I try to step out gracefully; which is hard when you mix gravel and 4 inch heels. He grabs my hand and pulls me into him, stroking my ass as he kisses my neck.

"Remember to call me about Wednesday, although I get the impression that you won't be coming, and that's okay. Just call me either way okay?" He asks and I simply nod. He kisses my cheek and gets back into the car, I watch until he drives away, out the gates and down the street; I release a long breath I didn't know I was holding. I go into the house, shouting to Gail that it's just me, and I head upstairs to have a shower. Last night really helped me gain perspective and I know that I still have immense love for the father of my children, whether we can fix our broken marriage is another question entirely.

_You can turn it all around if you want too. You can meet with him and see what's going on in his head?_

I sit down at my desk and open the email program.

* * *

I'm sitting on the couch watching the morning pass me by, people going on about their daily lives, how can they not know that my world has shifted, and is spinning on a different axes now. I am rhythmically tapping my fingers on the arm of the couch with my good hand. I sent Ana a long pleading email last night, It's now 10:15 and she still hasn't responded... which makes me thing she has no plans to talk things through with me, but I don't blame her, if it was the other way around and she slept with someone else whilst we were together, I'd never want to see her again.

_Please baby. Please just hear me out, then I'll know I did everything I could do and it didn't work _- I throw up a plea for someone to help me get my life back, my wife and my children all living under one roof. Getting to watch them grow each day will be my biggest regret if Ana really goes ahead. I'm terrified of that prospect. My mother is still here, to be honest I think she's scared that as soon as I'm alone I'm going to try and kill myself; which is ridiculous. I have slipped into a day dreaming daze when I feel the buzz of my blackberry.

**From:** Anastasia Grey  
**Subject:** Your Email  
**Date:** 23rd August 10:20am  
**To:** Christian Grey

Hi Christian,

I received your email, and I think we need to have a serious chat about what we want out of this marriage. I am proud of you for taking the steps to help with your need for control and your issues, on your own.

As for letting me go, Christian - if you thought from my point of view, I thought you didn't want to fight for me and you were trying to find a way out of our marriage. You're right though, we need to talk; I am not making any promises that this is going to help us, but it's worth a shot.

When do you want to meet?

- Ana. X  
Anastasia Grey, CEO Grey Publishing, Ltd

My mother and Olivia jump when I suddenly yell "YES! She wants to talk" I jump up with a massive smile across my face and reach for my 8 month old daughter.

"Princess, momma said she's going to talk to me! Oh Liv, you have no idea how happy that makes me" I hold her close to my chest, feeling her sparse curls tickling my chin when I kiss her hair.

I hand her back to my mother who is playing on the floor with Gracie and Teddy, whilst holding Olivia in her arms; my mom is a multitasking super mom.

"Christian, I could take the kids for the evening to give you two plenty time to talk with no interruptions; and that includes work interruption's. Ana needs to see that you are serious about fixing your marriage."

"I will mom. I'll ask her if that's okay about the kids. She may not want to come over tonight, especially after what happened with her and the doctor last night, plus she knows that I know"

"You won't know until you ask sweetheart"

**From:** Christian Grey  
**Subject:** Your Email  
**Date:** 23rd August 10:29am  
**To:** Anastasia Grey

Ana I swear you won't regret this. I want us to fix this, to fix us. I am more than willing to get help to introduce better support systems or treatment when I have the urge for control. I would very much like it if you could make it to Escala in a few hours? My mother is with me just now and has offered to keep the kids for the evening, but it's totally up to you, whatever arrangements you come up with will be good enough for me.

I love you Ana; I think I may love you more now. I know I appreciate waking up beside you, falling asleep with my nose buried in your hair a lot more since you and I ended. Absence definitely makes the heart fonder…

Your Husband xoxo  
Christian Grey, CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

**From:** Anastasia Grey  
**Subject:** RE: Your Email  
**Date:** 23rd August 10:35am  
**To:** Christian Grey

It would be very much appreciated if Grace could look after them for the afternoon. As for picking them up and such. I'll pick up the children on the way home; I've missed them this weekend. I have missed you too Christian, and if it was a simple matter of 'love' then we'd still be together, I know that you love me, but you just can't go around fucking and beating women when things don't go your way; you have to learn to find another coping mechanism. I am going to get ready just now, if Grace could stay until I get there so that I can see the kids?

I'll see you very soon Mr Grey.

Anastasia Grey, CEO Grey Publishing, Ltd

**_A/N: I have stayed up 'till 4:12am finishing this chapter for you; my computer went wonky, so I saved the chapter I was working on and restarted, when I tried to open the file after rebooting, word told me that it was corrupted – so I opened it on wordpad and it worked, but the paragraphs were repeated and such, so I had to restructure the whole thing. Let me know if anything is the wrong way around and I'll fix it tomorrow night, yeah 'cause its 4:18am right now and contextual and grammar errors aren't important at this time in the morning. lol! I don't want to go to school/college tomorrow, I'd rather stay home and leave all the three dimensional people alone. OH and before I forget: *clears throat* If any of you authors want help in designing a cover for your story let me know. It'll help me improve and I'll have another piece to add to my portfolio, which will help me towards m degree. Oh and I will clear up the whole 'talking to Allyson, did she have more?' etc. Christian was having an affair that no one knew about other than Allyson so he vented about his guilt to her, it may have been more to her, but it certainly not 'more' to him, she was just someone to beat then bang! Lol, well there's a sentence I never thought I would write/say XD_**

**_– Love Susie. xo _**


	25. Chapter 25: I can do this!

**_A/N: I have just read all the reviews; and re-read the chapter I wrote, I have made Richard a little sleazy, which wasn't intended – now at the start of the chapter Ana was all into him which made him think that everything was wonderful between them and no awkwardness, plus she indicated that she wanted him after breakfast, but knowing that Christian watched and had given up on their relationship/marriage made Ana seem suddenly aloof and he didn't know what had happened. Also, to everyone who was saying 'don't let them get back together too quickly, they are only meeting to talk about what they are going to do, no decisions are set in stone to the disappointed reader that reviewed a few hours ago… sorry you feel that way, but as a writer it is my creative choice to do whatever I will with these Characters. I appreciate and thank you for sticking with it up until this point._**

**_The music recommendation is: /watch?v=YUOkFzdrvrw (skip to 1:09) I have the MP3 that I ripped and trimmed the intro from. PM me with your email and I'll send you the 4shared link to download it._**

* * *

I feel terrible about what happened with Richard, when we woke up we were flirty with each other, then I found my husband's wedding ring and it was like a bucket of ice cold water was flung over my libido. I feel awful for not even telling him what was going on, especially when he said that he didn't think I was going to get back in touch with him, I have to explain myself, as what I did this morning doesn't make me any better than Christian; I feel like I used someone for sex and then withheld important information. I pick up my blackberry and dial Richard's cell.

"Hello"

"Hi Richard, it's Ana"

"What's up?"

"I feel like I owe you some sort of explanation to what happened this morning…"

"You were a little off, I just thought you regretted your decision last night" I can't help but detect a little sadness in his voice.

"No, it wasn't that… it's just when I went outside to get the paper, I saw something out of the corner of my eye so I picked it up and I realised it was Christian's wedding band. When I came back inside I picked up my blackberry and he'd sent me an email saying that he saw us together last night… and that he's not over me and wants me back, I just don't know what state of mind he is in right now and he's the father of my children, I need to make sure he's okay" I hear him suck in a sharp breath and a long sigh.

"I understand Ana. I thought I'd done something wrong, like I came on too strong in the kitchen and messed everything up. I really like you Ana, and I'm hoping you'll still consider seeing me on Wednesday?"

"I need to go see Christian, and talk everything out with him. I had a lot of fun with you last night, and this morning was great until I found his ring and read his email, and it kind of threw a bucket of ice cold water over my libido" He chuckles at me and I can't help but laugh back.

"Well, call me once you've spoken with Christian, I really hope we can meet up on Wednesday, but if not I'll understand. You deserve to be happy Ana"

"Thank you for being there for me last night and being so understanding about the way I was this morning. I will call you later this evening, I promise."

"Okay, take care Ana – I have two stacks of pancakes in front of me just begging to be eaten!"

"Richard, that's not fair, they looked wonderful this morning!" I pout, I wanted them so badly!

"Well, I promise to make them for you another time okay?"

"Deal, I'll call you soon. Goodbye Richard" I say with a smile on my face.

"Bye Ana… ooh there's syrup drizzled all over these warm, melted chocolate chip pancakes" He states whilst loudly chewing, and moaning.

"It's so unfair to taunt me whilst you are eating them!" I hear him laugh and we say our goodbyes.

I feel so much better after telling him the truth of why I blew him off this morning. I take a deep breath then head into the master bathroom and jump in the shower. I hope Christian and I can finally get everything out in the open. I have to at least try and see if there is any hope left for us, and if not, I know I'll be okay.

Once I'm showered and I've curled my hair into loose waves, I slip into my favourite skinny jeans, a smoky- grey (no pun intended) t-shirt with some band logo on the front and my converse. I slip on my black blazer and get into my Audi SUV. I am extremely nervous to talk things through with Christian as I know it's going to be a painful conversation, filled with hard truths and resentment. I'd honestly be lying if I thought that our talk is going to end with us skipping off into the sunset, real life doesn't work that way. I turn the radio up and blast the music as I drive to Escala with a smile on my face, I can't wait to see my munchkins; I just miss them so much when they're with their father

* * *

After receiving the email from Ana saying that she was going to come over, well it was like music to my ears. All I know is that I will do everything in my power to get her back, and if that means relinquishing control… then that's what I'm going to do. I need to be totally honest about how I feel, and make her understand how utterly sorry I am for what I done. If she still won't accept me in her life as her husband… well I'll just have to accept that.

After getting out of the shower, I combed my hair back; just the way she likes it. I wear my dark blue jeans and a black shirt. I go back downstairs and sit with my mom and the kids. Teddy is reading a story for Gracie and Olivia, although Olivia isn't paying a bit of attention, she just likes me to make faces at her, I love her full belly laugh, it's so much like her mothers. I'm bouncing Olivia on my knee when movement catches my eye; the next thing I know is that Gracie and Teddy are running towards their mother. She drops down to their level and scoops them into a big three-way-hug

"I missed you guys so, so much!" She states whilst kissing them both numerous times. "Did you have a good weekend?"

"Yeah, we had fun with dad. We missed you though mom" Teddy says whilst holding onto his mother. I feel so awful that our children are suffering due to my stupidity.

"Momma, me has fun too, me play with gramma"

"Did you ? I missed you princess" She says as she lifts Gracie in her arms, kissing her chubby cheeks. Ana patiently listens to Gracie's play by play of our weekend. Once she's satisfied that she's told her mother everything she wriggles to get down.

To think that I have destroyed the mother of my children's self-worth is horrifying, when we meet eyes I know in my heart that our loves spark is still there, it's just buried in all the shit that I piled on top of it. I carry Olivia in my arms as I walk towards Ana.

"There's my little peanut!" Ana coos at Olivia holding out her arms and takes her out of mine. She kisses her forehead and her hair, closing her eyes as she rocks our youngest in her arms.

"Momma, daddy want kiss too…" Gracie pipes up and I feel incredibly awkward. Instantly I raise my hands, palms up and shake my head to let Ana know that I didn't put that in her head.

Ana offers me her cheek, as I touch my lips to her skin she gasps, almost inaudibly but I know what heard.

"Is that better Gracie girl?" Ana asks Gracie as she runs her hand through her wild bronze curls, who nods and giggles in response. Just at that my mother walks in and kisses and hugs Ana.

"Hello darling, you look well" My mother says whilst holding Ana at arm's length.

"So do you Grace, thank you for taking the children; I'll drop in and collect them in a few hours"

"It's no problem, I love having them. Should I give them dinner, or will you be back before then?"

"Um... it's probably best just to give them something around 4:30, so if I haven't called you by then just feed the little rugrats, oh I brought this over just in case you were running low" Ana holds up a freezer bag with a few bottles of breast milk.

"I'll take two with me and pop the rest in the freezer" Ana nods her agreement and my mother leaves with the bag of bottles.

Ana takes a seat on the couch, talking to Olivia as she gurgles back. Once my mother gathers all of the kids stuff, we walk them to the elevator. My mom hugs me tightly, giving me silent reassurance that I can do this. She caresses my cheek and I kiss each of our children in turn, saying how much I love them. Ana does the same; Olivia is crying and reaching for Ana. I know how much Ana hates it when Liv cries for her.

"She'll be fine once the doors close" my mom says, trying to reassure her that Olivia will be just fine.

"I know, I just hate it when she cries"

"She'll be fine, really" Ana nods at my mother and takes a step back.

The elevator doors start to close, Gracie and Teddy wave at us, so we wave back. Leaving us alone with each other.

* * *

**_Sorry that this chapter was late in getting out. I am currently writing the following chapter so I won't be leaving you on a cliff hanger if I can help it, although I am definitely not staying up 'till 4am again . I thought I was dead when I woke up at 7am, in fact; death would have been easier on me than what forcing myself to college was._**


	26. Chapter 26: Please try

Christian I and I sit beside each other on the sofa; I feel kind of awkward around him, I don't know what to even say to him, but I do know that I will have to start this conversation, or we'll be here all night, and I don't particularly be in this apartment knowing that he fucked his whore in here.

"So… you said you wanted to talk? Start talking or I'm leaving" He looks into my eyes and I see how upset he is.

"I … I just needed to see you Ana. I miss you like crazy"

"I miss you too, but as I said in my email, sometimes loving someone just isn't enough" I hear him suck in a harsh breath as he processes my words. He reaches over and takes my hand.

"I have a few questions for you, about Allyson?" I say her name with venom. If I ever see that woman I will not be held accountable for my actions.

"What do you want to know baby?" He asks as he runs his thumb over my knuckles; the most basic form of his touch makes my pulse race.

"Did… did you have vanilla with her, did you let her touch you?" I don't know if I really want the answer, because if he did; it would kill me.

"No, she never put a hand on me, not even accidentally. I would tie her up and spanked her with a belt or some other implement then… we'd have very rough sex" Shit this is still hard to hear, I give a very weak nod to acknowledge him.

"I still don't understand though Christian… why?"

"Baby, I just felt so lost and I wanted to take my frustration out and I couldn't do that to you, I couldn't trust myself to take you into the playroom, I didn't want to hurt you"

"So you just decided to have an affair? Even if you beat me to within an inch of my life, it wouldn't compare to this pain!" He closes his eyes as if just remembering is painful.

"I know Ana. I am sorry"

"Christian, the thing is… if you'd just have told me how you were feeling, said something; I could have gave you the control you needed. We could have avoided all this pain and suffering. Can I just ask, why is this talk now so important to you?"

"Because, I heard everything you said to him, everything you think about yourself, about our life together; I can't stand the thought of losing you Ana, of never waking up beside you is agonizing"

"Christian, you lost that right when you fucked her"

"I know, I just … I just want the chance to prove to you that I am serious about fixing myself, that I'm serious about us" I just happen to look down at his hands.

"What happened to your hand?" I know it has something to do with last night.

"I got in a fight with a wall. You should see the state of the wall" He gives me a slight smirk. Then takes a deep breath

"I tried to let you go Ana, but I just can't. You're the love of my life. Seeing you with Richard was torture, baby our entire marriage wasn't a lie; every word I said to you I meant"

"Right, like 'to uphold my hopes and dreams, to be a faithful partner and forsake all others' because you sure fucked that up royally. How can you expect me to believe anything you say? Christian, the night that I came over here, I called you and you lied on the phone about you're 'Big Deal' that didn't even fucking exist. The only reason you asking for all of this" I motion between us "Is because you're scared, you're scared that I might have found someone who can give me what you can't" I say in a small voice.

"I wasn't lying about the deal baby; I spent all day at the office of the Friday and stayed at Escala alone. Allyson didn't arrive until the Saturday afternoon and was there when I got back from the Office. But you're right, I am scared Ana. I'm not too ashamed to admit that I am fucking terrified, I keep telling myself that you're better off without me as your husband, that you can do so much better than my fucked up ass… but I know that I will spend the rest of my life searching through what-if's if I don't at least try to prove myself to you. I will regret that decision for the rest of my existence; because life isn't long enough. We're meant to be together Ana, and I know that I have no right to ask this of you but, please try, please give us a chance to be a family again. I miss you, I miss our children. Fuck, I even miss you trying to fight me on every little detail of our life. Do you miss me? Miss what we used to be?"

"I'd be telling a blatant lie if I said no" I hear him growl then he is on top of me, pushing me into the couch, holding my arms so I can't move.

"Christian what the fuck are you thinking" He doesn't answer me; he just looks deeply into my eyes. I see his face lowering down to mine and I'm totally powerless to fight him, to fight to stop this from happening. The moment his silky lips touch to mine I feel fire shooting through my body, inflaming desire deep within me.

"Did it feel like that when he touched you?" He asks holding both of my arms in one of his hands. Slowly skimming his hand across the erect nipple that's fighting to get out of the confines of my bra

"Did he know what you liked, and how much you like it when I do this?" He kisses me again, grasping my bottom lip between his teeth, tugging at it hard. Grasping my breast and massaging it, I can't contain the moan that escapes my throat. He kisses me with so much passion that I think my lips might me bruised. When he pulls back we're both breathless.

"Why are you doing this to me Christian? What did I ever do to you to make you hate me that much?"

"What?" He asks, his face horrified that I could draw that conclusion

"Because, I have spent the better part of 8 months trying to fucking forget this, because it hurts too much to remember what we had"

"It's still there Ana, it's just hidden – we can get it back I know we can" He's still leaning over me, his scent, his proximity weakening my resolve, my promise to remain strong. He pushes himself away from me, sitting back down beside me as we both catch our breath.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me; I just acted when you said that you do miss me"

"Christian, of course I miss you; we were together for nine years! Up until I found out what you were doing… I was oblivious to the fact that we had problems" A few tears escape me.

"Can you imagine coming in here to surprize me and seeing me with another man?"

"I don't have to imagine seeing you with another man; I saw it crystal clearly last night … remember?"

"Maybe so, but we're separated. We were still very happily married –or so I was lead to believe– when I saw you with her, if I hadn't caught you in the act it'd still be going on, if anything it was escalating. If I remember correctly, you said you were seeing her twice a week for a lunch fuck" I can't help the resentment in my voice when I say that.

"Then it suddenly changed? Why did you want a whole weekend with her, when you could have been at home with me and our children? When you could have been at home fucking me, let's face the facts Christian, you chose you're whore over our family, you chose her over me?!"

"I know we're separated Ana, but that fact didn't diminish how hard it was to see. We were happily married; it was _my _shit that got in the way as usual. I didn't want to say anything before because I didn't think you'd believe me, I still don't think you'll believe me." He lets out a long drawn out sigh and takes a hold of my hand; I don't shake him off because frankly I need the support.

"Every time I would punish her, it was very quick. I felt like I couldn't get it out of my system completely and that's why I kept going back. I figured I'd spend one weekend with her and get all my frustration out. I left the office after speaking to you, I felt terrible, so unbelievably guilty" He closes his eyes and shakes his head. I try to remain calm but it's difficult to hear all of this shit.

"I couldn't get the sound of your voice out of my head. I couldn't forget the look of disappointment on our son's face when I let him down; I'd turned into the husband and father I swore I'd never be. I told Allyson that I couldn't handle the guilt anymore; I couldn't bear what I was doing to my family. She went into the playroom with the understanding that after that scene she'd never hear from me again, that as soon as we were done I was getting into my car and coming home to my family"

"If I believe that – and I'm not saying I do – what happens the next time something in your perfectly controlled world goes wrong? How am I supposed to believe that you won't do this again?"

"Ana, you have to realise that right now, I have zero control over my life, of our marriage. I have never had less control in my life than I do right now, and it isn't even affecting me I don't care about it. This new therapist is really helping me Ana. I wanted to ask you if you would come to my next session with me, just please give me a chance to prove that I've changed?

"When is your session?"

"Tomorrow, at 1pm"

"Okay, I'll give you this chance Christian, but this doesn't mean that we're anywhere near getting back together" His whole body sags in relief, and I try to think of the best way to phrase my next statement, I know he's going to freak out.

"Christian, I know this is probably going to be really hard for you to accept, but I'm still going to date Richard. I really like him and I don't even know if there's anything left for us to salvage" I shrug my shoulders trying to express my uncertainty. His hands instantly ball into fists and his jaw clenches; he closes his eyes for a moment then relaxes his body…

"I understand that you want to keep your options open, and I respect that. However I will do everything in my power to make you see that I love you and want you in my life"

_Holy shit? I expected one hell of a tantrum over that? _– My subconscious mouth is agape as is mine. _I told you he was changing for us Ana – _my inner goddess chimes in, with a massive grin on her face and swoons.

"I just wish that you could have done all of this before betraying me Christian, it would have been so much easier than us trying to fix the fallout" words of Flynn's choose this moment to float into my head '_It took you walking out on him to rethink'_

"I know it's going to take a hell of a lot of work, but I am prepared to do whatever I can to fix us, which starts with fixing myself; I know that I don't have any right to ask this of you.." he looks so lost.

"Christian, you don't have to ask. Yes, you hurt me beyond anything I've ever experienced but you're my children's father… I love you more than I ever thought possible, and I know how hard this step is for you, so I'll support you every step of the way." I squeeze the hand that I am holding and he breaks down in tears, I pull him into my arms and hold him whilst he sobs. I relish the contact, his scent, the feel of him in my arms again. I don't know how long we stay locked in each other's arms but eventually he starts to calm down, merely left with hiccups. I go to pull back, so that I can look at him but he holds on tighter.

"Just a few more minutes Ana, please" He asks in a small child-like voice. I rub my palm up and down his back, trying to provide him a little comfort, even though it was him that did this to us. It was him who broke our family, but I want him to be okay. I don't want him to be hurting. Some may say that I am stupid, or a fool for allowing this contact, but all I know is that we'll be in each other's lives forever. We need to establish a healthy relationship for the sake of our children.

"I love you Ana" He adds a little while later.

"I love you too" I repeat back to him as he pulls away from me. His eyes are red, swollen and puffy. I caress his face, and use my thumb to clear the residual tears from his eyes. I check my watch and it's just after 3pm, I run the idea through my head and decide it's worth a shot.

"Christian, we need to have a friendly relationship whilst we try and work our shit out. So do you want to come and pick up the kids from your mom's, we can eat dinner as a family then you can help me put them to bed?" His face lights up, he closes his eyes like he can't quite believe it.

"I would love to Ana" He breathes.

"Well, I'll call Grace and we'll go collect our spawn" I grab my blackberry and make the call.

"Hello, Grey Residence"

"Hi Grace, its Ana – Listen, I'm leaving Escala just now, so don't worry about dinner"

"Oh okay, I'll see you in a little bit then" I can't help but detect a little sadness in her voice.

"Bye Grace"

"Goodbye Ana"

I look back over at Christian who is standing staring at me.

"What?" He shrugs his shoulders as he walks over to me

"Are we ready to go?" I nod and grab my purse, leaving the great room and heading for the elevator. We step inside and as the doors close the atmosphere between us changes, charges, escalates until it's palpable. Thankfully the doors open before he tries anything, because I don't know if I could've resisted.

_Just keep thinking of the times he's fucked Allyson, that'll stop you falling prey to his sexpertise – _Yup, that'll definitely work.

* * *

**Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging, there should be another chapter tonight, plus that's a whole 4 days I have off classes. I didn't go to class today. I stayed at home, worked on some projects and polished this little baby up for you! **

**I just want to state – They. Aren't. Back. Together! They are trying to get to the point where they can do things as a family and enjoying their children together.**

** – Susie **


	27. Chapter 27: Quality Family Time

**I feel like I need to clear up any confusion from Chapter 24's Author Note which was:**

_Oh and I will clear up the whole 'talking to Allyson, did she have more?' etc. Christian was having an affair that no one knew about other than Allyson so he vented about his guilt to her, it may have been more to her, but it certainly not 'more' to him, she was just someone to beat then bang! Lol, well there's a sentence I never thought I would write/say XD_

**What I meant was … Christian and Allyson were having an affair, an affair that no one knew about – so when Christian was feeling guilty the only person he could share his guilt with was Allyson. He has only had ONE affair throughout the course of C&A's nine year marriage. Now that that's cleared up let's get on with the chapter :) **

**All rights belong to E. L. James, story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I can't quite work out how this happened. I'm sitting in the SUV with Ana behind the wheel. I've used the imaginary foot-break more times than I can count; I've even braced myself on the dash, which earned me a sigh and an eye-roll. I haven't said anything though; I don't think it would do me any favours at this point.

"Gracie will have a fit when she knows you're going to tuck her in tonight, this has been particularly hard on her" I close my eyes, I've always hated it when our kids are hurting; especially when it's me that's caused it.

"I hate that they're hurting Ana. If I could take it all back I would"

"I know Christian, but you can't. We just have to make the best of this situation. I'll always hope we'll be able to be a family again someday, but for right now – you and I are better apart" I nod numbly.

When she said that she missed me, I just couldn't contain myself, I just acted and for those minutes that she kissed me; I could pretend that she was still mine, that I'd convinced her to come back to me. It was wonderful, but the spell was broken when she said that I must hate her, because kissing her reminded her of what we used to have, and it's too painful to remember. I still can't believe I was so stupid, even thinking about it makes my blood boil and I flex my hands into fists.

I look over to Ana; she really is the most beautiful woman on the planet. Clearly she can attract other worthy suitors. Last night proved that to me in glorious techno-colour in fucking HD IMAX! We pull into my mother's drive way and she's going to be surprized to see me with Ana. I don't want her to get the wrong idea and think we're back together, that would be awkward. I jump out of the SUV and we walk up to the front door, my mother is standing with Olivia in her arms, to say she was shocked to me is the understatement of the year.

"Hello Darling" She says to me as I kiss her cheek and reach for Olivia

"DA!" I get a rush of pride to know that the only word she will speak is in relation to me.

"Hey princess, come to daddy" She puts her arms out to me and I pull her onto my chest, kissing her temple. Gracie comes running out and hugs my leg.

"Daddy, what you doing here?" She holds her hands out, palms up and shrugs as if to illustrate her confusion. That kid has me whipped – oh the irony – and she knows it.

"Momma will tell you" My mom and Ana hug, my mom smiling and holding on longer than necessary.

"Come in and sit down for a few minutes, whilst I pry my grandson out of his grandpa's study" I find that rather ironic too, considering spending time in my father's study was to be avoided at all costs. My mom goes to fetch Teddy, whilst Ana and our girls and I take a seat on the sofa. Gracie sit's on her mother's lap and rambles on about something or other.

"So daddy, why you here?"

"Well, mommy and daddy thought you guys might like Daddy to come over and have dinner together?" Ana says. Gracie claps her little hands and gives me a big wide-eyed grin. Teddy comes into the room and before he can even say 'hello' Gracie jumps up and tells him.

"Teddy, daddy come home and eat with us, its gona' be fun Ted"

"So you're coming back to live with us daddy, please come home?" When Teddy says this I feel my heart break. Shit. I send a pleading look to Ana, who also looks panic stricken. Ana pats the space between us and motions for Teddy to take a seat. She runs her hand through his hair, soothing him, caring for him; I couldn't find a better mother for my children if I even tried. She is the best mother in the world.

I wrap my arm around ted, resting my arm on the back of the couch.

"Teddy, sweetie, your dad isn't coming home to live with us just yet but dad's going to be around a lot more. Remember when dad went to live at Escala, do you remember what I told you?" She asks him, looking into his eyes and oozing motherly love.

"You said that you and daddy love each other and love us and that will never change, no matter what" He adds, a little sad that I'm not moving back in right away. What Ana said was correct, we'd always love each other, and our children no matter what!

"Teddy, you know that I love you right?" He nods, and even though he's eight, I still pull him into my chest, hold him close and kiss his hair; just like the first time I ever held him in my arms. My mom comes back into the room and gives the kids a kiss and hug each – as well as Ana and I, Olivia gets a quick kiss on her curls as she lays her head on my shoulder; I know that she's tired so I sway from side to side, rubbing her back soothingly. I listen to her breathing slow, and know that she's fell asleep, her face pressed into my neck so close that I can feel her soft breath on my skin.

We head out and I place Olivia in her car seat, I tell Teddy to put his seat-belt on and strap Gracie into her booster seat. Then I get into the passenger side and we're on our way to the big house.

We pull into the gates and into the driveway. I step out and unstrap Olivia from the seat and take Gracie's hand as we walk into the house. Gail just about chucked her spatula half-way across the room, holding her flattened palm to her heart. Ana laughs and takes Olivia from my arms, heading upstairs to change her diaper

"Mr Grey, I'm so sorry. You gave me a fright"

"I apologize Gail, and please – call me Christian" I think she's about to expire. I smile reassuringly and

"Gail, I have a favor to ask you… basically, I'm wondering if you can teach me to cook something, maybe your macaroni and cheese? I'd love to surprise Ana – which also means that you can't tell her about it?"

"I'd love to help Mr Gr… I mean Christian, but how can I teach you here? Ana will see then she'll drag the truth out of me"

"Yup, she's definitely ruthless when inveigling information from people, why don't you ask Ana for the day off to go visit your sister? Taylor can bring you to the apartment and you can help me learn to make it. Then once I've practiced it and learned how to make it without burning down the kitchen, I can arrange for you and Taylor to have some sort of date night whilst I come here and cook for Ana and the kids?" She's looking at me with the most peculiar expression, half way between dead shock-horror and gushy

"I think that is a wonderful idea Christian, I think Ana will really appreciate the effort your putting into doing something nice as a family"

"Why don't you arrange it with Ana for Thursday, that way I should have mastered it by Saturday?"

"Okay, I'll speak to her about getting Thursday off" I give her a nod as Teddy comes running into the kitchen, dragging me up to his room to show me the latest helicopter he's built from Lego to add to our collection; this is something we used to do together, the guilt is eating at me as we climb the stairs, which I push down for now, I have endless time to ponder within my own guilt induced haze at Escala.

* * *

Christian has just played with the kids for over an hour, splitting his time in half between our two eldest. He helped Teddy finish off his Lego helicopter then attended a tea party with Gracie; and is now sporting a lovely bright-pink manicure, courtesy of his three year old daughter, which I found particularly amusing when I told him we didn't have any nail polish remover, his eyes nearly popped out of his head. I obviously couldn't keep a straight face and he knew I was lying. Imagine the all mighty and powerful CEO Christian Grey persona with pink nails; oh it would have been a wonderful sight to see him go into the office like that.

_Are you forgetting that you won't see him in the morning because he couldn't keep it in his pants? Shit we're supposed to hate him!_ – I try to maintain my humor from earlier but I give up. The harpy is right, I hate her for it but… she's right.

We are sitting in the family room, waiting on Gail finishing up dinner, usually I contribute and help but I got swatted with the tea towel repeatedly, so I relented. I am under no illusion that it's because Mr Formalities is present. I have yet to inform Christian of the change of dynamics in the house, I have a feeling he isn't going to be happy, but at the end of the day he doesn't live here anymore so he'll just have to deal with it. Originally I was going to casually work up to it but I figured it's better to treat the situation like a band aid; just rip it off in one.

"Christian, I feel like I should let you know that things are slightly different around here – there's been a lot of changes over the last eight months. After everything happened I just wanted some normalcy and family atmosphere around the house for the children; I was a mess, and wasn't capable of that alone. So what I'm trying to say is that Gail, Jason and Luke eat with us, we all pitch in and we all clean up. I was thrown out of the kitchen tonight, simply because you're here and Gail doesn't feel comfortable being anything less than totally professional when you're around" I am apprehensive for his reaction but he has donned his impassive mask, and I have no idea what is going through his mind.

"I think it's probably best under the circumstances, especially with all the change they've had to adjust to because of my stupidity – I hate that I caused you to be in that mess Ana. I really am"

_A contrite Christian; wonders will never cease._

I am shocked to say the least, maybe this is really a new Christian. I look up into his eyes and the smoldering look he is giving me has me instantly wet between the thighs – damn treacherous body, being around him is going to be harder than I thought.

_Well, no shit Sherlock; I'll give you some advice you should have taken from me from the start: BRAID YOUR LEGS _- I don't even know what to say back to that? Gail comes into the family room where Gracie and Teddy are wrestling in the middle of the floor to announce that dinner is served.

It's going to be a lonnnng night!


	28. Chapter 28: Mommy Please?

**All rights belong to E. L. James, story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I have Olivia in my arms as I reach the table and notice that there are only four place settings, I am starting to get ticked off, why in the hell does the way I choose to live our lives have to change because the master is here?

"I know Luke isn't here right now but aren't you and Jason eating with us?" I feel slightly bad about putting her on the spot as she resembles the figurative rabbit or deer in headlights.

"I… I just thought you would want some privacy tonight Ana?" Before I can respond Christian shocks me and leaves me speechless

"Gail, you and Jason are more than welcome to join us if you'd like. Ana has told me that you guys normally eat together and that doesn't have to change just because I'm here" He even includes a customary smile to boot.

"I'll give Jason a shout then" Gail nods as she heads off to get Jason. I sit Olivia in her highchair and set the remaining places whilst Christian helps Gracie into her booster seat. I take a seat beside Olivia and take some food from the serving dishes in middle of our table; Teddy immediately thinks that all is go on dinner which Christian politely tells him to wait for GG and Taylor.

"But how come Olivia gets to eat right now and we have to wait?" he asks with a frown

"Yeah, why we wait momma?" Gracie adds for good measure

"Because, Olivia is a baby and hasn't been taught table manners yet, whilst you two are old enough to know better" I add as I spoon mushed macaroni and cheese into Olivia's mouth, if I don't get the spoon in her mouth quick enough she reaches her little hand out to me and whines; so impatient. Gail and Jason make their way to the table and everyone digs in, although Jason seems really uncomfortable, as does Gail. Once we're finished eating Teddy gathers the plates, and puts them onto the counter like he does every night that he is here.

We head back into the family room and Christian and I sit on the floor with Olivia sitting in her play ring, she is learned to sit up on her own, but the play-ring helps support her just in case she topples back. She gives hearty giggles as she presses buttons that light up and play music, she claps her hands every single time and I never tire of watching her play. Christian is playing with Gracie, tickling her and blowing raspberries on her cheeks, earning him fits of giggles. I sit back and enjoy the scene before me, and for right now I can pretend all is well and my life isn't crumbling around me, that my marriage isn't in the gutter and that I'm still only fifties.

"Okay Gracie, Teddy you have your five minute warning, then bed"

"But Mooooom, I should get to stay up longer because I'm older" Teddy complained whilst sluggishly moving to tidy away his toys.

"No momma, Ted go bed time same"

"Yes princess, Teddy has to go to bed at the same time as you" Christian agrees with her.

"Mom, I want dad to tuck me in and you can tuck Gracie in" That was all he needed to say to start world war three with Gracie, who was already cranky because she was over-tired.

"NO! Daddy tuck me, daddy tuck me!" Gracie cried, throwing the doll that she had in her hand, aiming for Teddy's head; thankfully she has bad aim.

"HEY! Phoebe Grace Grey, do NOT throw toys at your brother" Christian admonishes her but all she wants is her dad, the split has been the hardest on her; she's such a daddy's girl.

"Well, dad you should tuck me in since she was naughty and threw her bald doll at my head"

"Teddy, stop antagonizing her, you're just making her worse"

"Yeah shutup Teddy" She sticks her tongue out at him as he got into trouble.

"Right, enough of the arguing you two, you're supposed to love each other! How about this solution? We all get into mommy's bed and daddy can read the two of you a story whilst I feed Olivia?"

"Deal?" They nod their heads as we head upstairs to the bedroom Christian and I had shared for nearly eight years. I look over to Christian who gives me an unsure smile, and I know he was just thinking the same thing. Teddy headed into his room to get into his PJ's and pick out a book, whilst Christian got Gracie into hers and I changed Olivia into a onesie and grabbed her pink blankie to wrap around us whist she nurses. I walk into our… well _my _bedroom and Christian already has Gracie and Teddy tucked up in bed and talking to them quietly. He looks up at me and I see the longing in his eyes, I know because I feel it too. As much as I want to fall into his arms and put this ugly episode behind us, I just can't. He hurt me in the worst possible way and I can't pretend that it didn't nearly kill me. Pass Olivia to Christian and he looks at me quizzically

"I'm going to go change, it'll be easier for me to nurse" He nods at me as I grab my robe from the back of the door, and go into my en suite. I quickly strip and pull on my silk nightgown, running my hands through my hair, making it wild and untamed; I brush my teeth and apply my moisturizer, finishing up with a light spritz of my favourite perfume behind my ears.

_You're doing all of this to make him want you aren't you?_ No, this is my normal bed routine…

_Minus the hair fluffing and the perfume spritzed behind your ears? _Well so what… maybe I just want to torture him with what he's lost. I leave the confines of the bathroom before I lose my nerve, Christian is softly kissing Olivia's forehead then he looks up at me, his eye widen and swallows convulsively.

_Yeah, watch it Grey – watch what you'll never be getting again! This is so going to bite you on the ass ANA! _– I ignore the harpy and continue on.

I lean towards him and lift Olivia into my arms, making sure to brush my fingers against his I hold her against my chest and lift the duvet down so that I can sit on the bed, facing away from the children I open my robe and slip the spaghetti strap of my gown of my shoulder and get Olivia to latch

"Dad, start the story instead of watching mom!" HA! I smirk to myself knowing that I am getting to him.

"Uhh… sorry son" Christian begins reading in a soft, almost melodic voice whilst both of the kids breathing slows. I cover Olivia and I with her blanket and swing my legs up on the bed. It was totally accidental that my gown slipped up, revealing my knee's as I turned, resting my weight on my hip. I watched Olivia's little face as she nursed, I loved having this connection with her, but I was also glad that I could get the best of both worlds with her now taking bottles too. Teddy's sleepy voice pulled me from my thoughts

"Daddy, are you sleeping here tonight? Can you take me to School with you when you go to work?" Shit, what are we supposed to say, Christian automatically looks up to me, with panic stricken eyes. Teddy notices his father's eyes focused on me and turns to face me

"Mommy, please can daddy sleep over? I miss daddy taking me to school, please?" His bottom lip trembling, looking at me with his familiar pleading blue eyes. What the hell am I supposed to do in this situation, surely if I say yes then Christian is going to get the wrong idea, and if I say no I will be hurting my son. Shit!

"Teddy, son – I have an earl.."

"Daddy can sleep over if he likes baby boy" I keep a firm hold on Olivia and the blanket and lean over a sleeping Grace and place a kiss on my son's hair.

"Daddy, can you stay? Mommy said it was okay, please?" Christian ruffles his hair and nods. Teddy jumps out of bed and hugs his father with such ferocity that I am beginning to think that I am just hurting and damaging my children by not being with their father. Olivia is sleeping in my arms so I excuse myself from story time and slip into the nursery. I take a seat in the rocker and hold onto my daughter for comfort. I can't help the tears that are falling, all I ever seem to do is fucking cry and I'm sick of it. I rock back and forth, watching my daughter's rhythmic breathing to calm me. I don't know how long I've been sitting here, but it must have been a while; I notice Christian standing watching us in the doorway. I dash the tears out of my eyes and stand up, gently placing Olivia in her crib. I place my hand on her chest as she wakes a little, but with my presence soon settles back down. I cover her with her blankets and kiss her hair, I move out of the way to allow Christian to kiss her goodnight and leave him to silently pull up the bars of her crib. I turn and make my way back to my bedroom, freezing when I notice that Teddy and Gracie are no longer in my bed. Shit, they were my protection from Mr Sexpert.

"I thought you'd sleep better with more room, so I carried the children to their own beds"

"Thanks" I add, sounding breathy to my own ears.

"I'm just going to shower and head to bed in one of the guest bedrooms okay?" I nod, trying to slow my accelerated breathing.

"Goodnight Ana"

"Goodnight" I shock him by wrapping my arms around his waist, and resting my head on his chest. I hear him gasp as he buries his nose in my hair and inhales. I can't help the tears that fall from my eyes.

"Ana, Ana I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything" I nod against his chest.

"I know you're sorry, I just wish we could have done all this before it got to this point. When you've had your shower come back here, so we can talk" I add with a teary whisper.

"I'm just going to grab some PJ bottoms and I'll be back before you know it" He kisses my hair and grabs his body wash that is still in our bathroom, and his PJ's, then leaves the room.

* * *

I numbly wash myself as I stand under the cascade of the soothing hot water. I about had a heart attack when Ana came into the room in her silk night gown, she looked so fucking sexy; I just wanted to grab her and bury myself within her. I know that's probably never going to happen. I've hurt her too much. To see her crying in the nursery was heart breaking – having to choose between what would be easier for her, and what would make our son happy. I know she's hurting not only because of what I done, but because of the fact that she still loves me despite it.

I quickly towel dry myself and comb my hair back. I throw on my PJ bottoms and a t-shirt. I pad down the hall back to the bedroom I used to call my own. I stop at the door, not knowing if I should walk in or knock. I decide on the latter and quietly knock on the door.

"Come in Christian" Her voice sounds breathy, and husky. I slowly open the door and find her sitting on her side of our bed, freshly showered and wearing her silk robe. Being near her, in here where we've shared so much passion as husband and wife is proving difficult for me, I am itching to touch her, to kiss her, to do everything that I no longer have the right to do.

"Hi" I whisper, fuck this is going to be really hard.

"Come sit" She taps space beside her and I walk over, sitting on the side that used to be mines.

_It'll soon be that Richards Harpers!_ I ignore the voice inside my head and lift my legs onto the bed, trying to get comfortable so we can talk.

"What do you want to talk about Ana?" Right now she could ask me just about anything and I'd answer her honestly.

"Anything, I just want to talk"

"I actually wanted your opinion on something Ana; I have been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks, I want to put Escala on the market. I don't want to be there. I know you don't want to be there so what's the sense in keeping it when we both hate it so much?" I look at her face, trying to gage what's going through that pretty little head of hers.

"There are a lot of good memories locked up in that apartment, for me the good outweigh the bad. We fell in love in that apartment Christian, Teddy was more than likely conceived in that apartment, but if you want to sell it then, sure." She shrugs her shoulders for good measure indicating her indifference. Well I wasn't expecting that.

"Oh, I just thought that you'd hate it now" She shakes her head and sinks those pearly whites into her lower lip. I feel myself harden and groan. I reach up and use my thumb to pull her lip out of her teeth.

"Please, don't bite your lip. I don't know if I can control myself if you keep doing that" Ana stands up immediately and I think back over what I just said, did I say something that offended her? She turns around to face me and sinks her teeth into her lip again, whilst pulling on the sash of her silk robe.

"What if I don't want you to control yourself Mr Grey? What happens then?" She asks as she lets her robe fall from her shoulders and pool at her feet. She's wearing a white lacy bra that pushes her large breasts together, making them look edible. My eyes roam further down, seeing her bare mid-drift, my eyes stopping at her white lacy panties. I feel myself harden more with every second that I look

"Like what you see Mr Grey?" I nod, I can't deny it, my length is standing to attention, but I know enough to know that this can't happen. As much as I want it, and want her; I have to stop it.

"Ana, we can't do this baby, believe me when I say that I would love to do this" My eyes flicker down at my hardened self then back up to her gorgeous blue eyes

"It's not a good idea baby. If and when we get there I want it to be for good because tomorrow you will regret it" I see her eyes filling up with tears

"You… you don't want me? Oh god, you've went back to her, you've went back to your sub. At least have the fucking decency to be honest with me for once!"

"Baby, I swear to you I have not had sex with anyone since you came to Escala" I look at her, pleading with her to believe me. Fuck, this is what I've reduced her too. The guilt is eating me alive as I watch the woman who was once so strong, who'd started to believe in herself, believe that she was good enough; this is who I have made her become. I stand up, walking around to where Ana is standing and picking up her robe; I wrap it around her shoulders and pull her into my arms. She tucks her face into my neck, crying.

"Come on, let's get you into bed" I feel her nod so I pull away, wiping her tears away and placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Do you want me to lay with you for a little while?" I ask, hoping that she'll say yes.

"Please Christian?"

"I hate seeing you like this Ana, I feel like I've destroyed you" I say, knowing that I am to blame.

"I would say you didn't, but I'd be lying!" She answers as she gets into bed.

"I know. Even if you said that I didn't, I'd still know that I did so it wouldn't make a difference anyway" I give her a small smile and walk around to the side I used to call mine and slide under the covers, I pull her to my chest and wrap my arms around her, I try to think of anything and everything to distract me, having seen what's under that robe, those full breasts, just begging to be touched. I groan inwardly and try to be what she needs me to be; which is her friend.

* * *

_**Remember to review and such, cause they keep me motivated. Sorry that this chapter is a little late in the bag - I have had a little minor case of writers block, next chapter will be dealing with Christians new therapist, what do you think will happen at the therapy session vs what you want to happen?**_

_**Love S. xoxo**_


	29. Chapter 29: Therapy Session!

**Hi guys, sorry for the late update, since I have drastically changed the original direction of this story I no longer have pre-written chapters. This is a rather large chapter to make up for not updating yesterday! I got COD: Black Op's II (anyone on PS3 add me xsuziebabyx) and I played it until the early hours of the morning lol! Anyways, enough of this pointless note and get on with the chapter :)**

**All rights belong to E. L. James, story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I feel myself start to waken and can hear a quiet voice in the distance, as I slip closer into consciousness I recognise that it's Christian. I don't move, and try to keep my breathing even.

"DA!" I can hear her whining, obviously waiting on her morning bottle.

"I know princess, but it had to cool. Here you go baby girl" I listen to Olivia's breathing to calm my embarrassment from last night's desperation. I can't believe I threw myself at him like that?

_What the fuck happened to Ana 2.0? Huh? _– I guess I was just lonely, feeling insecure due to having sex with Richard and thinking that Christian wouldn't want me again. Even though he turned me down – which I am thankful for – I could see that he wanted it. I have to give him an A+ for self-restraint. I let myself believe that we were still that wonderful family unit that no one could break.

"You're such a good girl, drinking all your milk for daddy, let's see if you need to burp little lady" This is the kind of thing I really miss, the moments like these. Sure Christian made some pretty shitty decisions regarding Teddy's camping trip but for the most part he is an excellent father, practically faultless. I turn around to find him sitting with Olivia in his arms fully dressed. I look over at the clock which reads 9:25am

"Shit, why didn't you wake me? Teddy should be at school" I sit up, swinging my legs onto the floor

"Whoa Ana, I already took Teddy to school. I drove him myself; you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you. Gracie has had her breakfast and is playing with Gail downstairs whilst I got Olivia dressed and fed"

"Thank you Christian" I try to keep the shock from my voice as I speak.

"You don't need to thank me baby, I'm their father and I'm supposed to help"

"I just want to acknowledge my behaviour last night… I don't know what come over me but thank you for not taking advantage of the situation"

"As I said last night, if or when we get back together, I want it to be forever. I didn't want to make a stupid decision which would affect us badly in the long run Ana. You have no idea what it was like seeing your body like that, knowing that I could just take you there and then and worry about the consequences later; I went to bed rock hard and woke up rock hard. I'm having a hard time right now because I know what's underneath those covers" He adds at the end with a salacious grin and a twinkle in his eyes.

"How come you aren't at work this morning?"

"CEO remember? I can take the day off when we choose – I wanted to stay with Olivia and Gracie for a while then we can go to my therapy session"

"Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. Did she eat any oatmeal before you gave her milk?"

"Yep she did, a whole big bowl, didn't you Olivia?" He coos to her whilst answering me.

"Well, I'll leave you to get on with that whilst I jump in the shower" I lean over to Olivia, who is laying in Christians arms and kiss her curls

"Good morning baby girl, have you been good for daddy?"

"DA!" She still won't say mama or anything that resembles the M sound! It's frustrating me. I give her another few kisses and Christian groans, I belatedly realise it's because I am dressed in the lingerie that I changed into last night in my pathetic attempts to seduce him. I sway my hips as I walk towards the bathroom, I hear him groan louder than before.

After my shower I finger dry my hair so that it's wavy and full, and get dressed in black skinny jeans and a cream blouse with biker boots. I head downstairs and Christian looks delicious in a pair of sweats and a white t-shirt with Olivia in her bouncer in front of him, chewing on a teething ring and Gracie on his lap chatting away about god knows what.

"Momma, look daddy stayed all night and play me today"

"Really? Did he stay all night?" I say in an incredulous voice.

"Momma, daddy sleep in your bed" Christian shakes his head, in denying all charges

"Nope mommy I didn't. I didn't sleep in your bed" I can't help but laugh at Gracie's mouth hanging open in disbelief

"Well I think…. Gracie is telling me the truth" She pokes her tongue out at her dad and he attacks her with tickles.

At lunch time Gail and I throw together some chicken salad for the adults and some chicken soup for Gracie and Olivia. It's been great having Christian around, it's just that I find myself thinking that everything is fine, when in reality it's anything but. I don't know how things are going to go at this appointment today and well, I'm scared. I'm scared to know more about his deception, of the lies I so naively believed. I keep catching Christian staring at me with the strangest expression, after a few minutes he tosses his napkin on his plate and excuses himself from the table, then walks out of our kitchen. I put on some cartoons for Gracie and Gail is looking after Olivia, whilst I go in search of Christian.

I eventually find him in his old office, well it's technically _still_ his office. He is sitting in the chair with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands

"Christian, what's wrong?" He jumps when he hears my voice and tries to dash the tears from his eyes then shakes his head at me as if there is nothing wrong with him.

"If we ever have a shot of making our relationship better, we have to communicate – you have to talk to me Christian? I can't do this alone!" I implore him to see my reasoning.

"Ana, spending the night here with you and the kids is the happiest I have been in months and I don't want it to end. I just want my family back – how I could risk losing this, for nothing! I was so fucking stupid?" He pulls at his hair whilst he speaks to me.

"I don't know how you could risk losing us either Christian; don't you think I want our family back too? We need to go to this appointment and see what this therapist says, I don't know if there is a way forward for us, I hope there is because I love you so much, but you really fucked up this time"

"I know, but can you see how much the guilt is tearing me apart? I just want you to love me again, to want me as your husband. I know I messed things up, I know I hurt you but if you could just try baby? Go to this appointment with an open mind?"

"Christian, I've never stopped loving you; if I could stop loving you, I wouldn't be hurting as much as I am. I told you I would go to the appointment and I will try okay?"

"I just miss you Ana, I miss our life together" He reaches for my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. I miss our life too Christian. More than anything!

**~o0o~**

****We are sitting in the waiting room of Dr Logan, which has all white walls with black furnishings, very modern and has a sterile feel to it.

"Mr Grey, the doctor will see you now" My stomach flips and I am so anxious, I want to hear what this therapist says but I am nervous, my marriage is at stake and it's a horrible feeling. Christian squeezes my hand as he leads me into Dr Logan's office.

Dr Logan looks to be in her late fifties, has dark brown hair that is speckled with a few grey's here and there, she has kind eyes and I warm to her instantly.

"Ah you must be Anastasia, I'm Dr Logan" She holds out her hand and I take it then introduce myself

"Hello Dr Logan, please call me Ana"

"Please take a seat" Christian and I sit beside each other and he clasps my hand, giving me a squeeze. I know how anxious he is feeling because I feel much the same way. I take a deep breath and smile reassuringly at him.

"Now, Christian has told me of your shared history and has been very forthcoming on the details of how you both met and how your relationship has been over the last nine years. I would love to hear your take on your beginning for comparison" I nod at her and she smiles back at me, giving me a slight nod to begin, whilst she picks up her pad and pen.

"Well I interviewed him for the college paper, my friend was supposed to go to the interview but she got sick and I had to step in, during the interview I found Christian very intimidating, but I can't deny that I was immediately attracted to him. I left Grey house and drove back to school and tried to put him out of my mind"

"Why did you try to put him out of your mind Ana?"

"Because, why would he be interested in someone like me, I mean – I was a 21 year old English lit student, who worked part-time in a hardware store. Christian was a multi billionaire, successful, and gorgeous. He could have his pick of beautiful women"

"And you didn't see yourself as worthy of that?"

"No"

"What happened after your initial meeting then?"

"I was at said hardware store, working and I looked up and Christian was standing there, he asked for my help – he was very flirty and suggestive and I was just awed by him. He asked how the article was coming along and offered to be available for some publicity stills done. We arranged for the shoot to take place and he asked me to go get coffee with him, so I went and we talked for a while, then he walked me back to the hotel where I left my car and told me that he wasn't the man for me then I left"

"What did you think when he said that Ana?"

"I figured that he'd spoken to me and got to know me a little bit and decided that I wasn't good enough for him"

"You didn't consider the possibility that he might not be good enough for you?"

"No. After the coffee disaster he sent me the Tess books, first editions with a warning written on the packaging, basically warning me that he was dangerous. I didn't know what to think so I focused on finals. The day of our last exam, I went out with some friends to celebrate and I got drunk, and ended up drunk dialling Christian – I called him out on the books and asked him why he'd sent them, he noticed almost immediately that I was intoxicated and asked where I was, I didn't tell him exactly where I was, but he ended up tracking my phone and came to pick me up, I had a misunderstanding with a friend a –"

"The misunderstanding my wife is talking about is her so called 'friend' was trying to shove his tongue down her unwilling throat"

"Christian, I need to hear your history from Ana's perspective. Sorry Ana, continue" She continues to make notes in her leather bound notepad and doesn't look up at me so I just start.

"Yes, so Christian told my _Friend_ to back off and then I vomited in a flower bed and Christian held my hair and got me some water, we were heading out to his car and the next thing I know, is I'm waking up in his hotel room wearing just my t-shirt and panties"

"That must have been quite shocking for you?"

"Well yes, I mean I had no experience with men, I'd never had sex or anything and I was mortified that I couldn't remember anything, and then Christian walked into the bedroom and explained everything to me. We had breakfast and I asked why he'd come to pick me up, since he wasn't the man for me? He told me that he was having a hard time staying away, so I told him not to. I really liked him and that's when he told me that he had to show me something, that he couldn't explain it and asked me to go to his apartment and I agreed"

"I am assuming that he was talking about his playroom? How did it feel when you walked in there?"

"Naturally I was apprehensive, I didn't understand it and I was confused. He explained to me that he didn't have relationships or girlfriends. That he didn't make love, he fucked hard. That's when he told me that he wanted me to be his submissive. We left the playroom because he couldn't concentrate with me in there, we went to his study and that's when he gave me the contract. Christian and I went over some of the rules and regulations and asked me if there was anything I didn't like during sex, naturally I didn't know so I had to tell him that I was a virgin. He got mad and paced the room, asking me why I didn't tell him? He asked me if I wanted to leave and I answered honestly – saying only if he wanted me too. That's when he asked me if I would spend the night in his bed that he wanted to make love with me."

"So that's how you met and started your relationship. I'd like to fast forward in your history to eight months ago, prior to you finding out about the affair or contractual affair"

"I was seven and a half months pregnant with Olivia and we were, well _I _thought we were blissfully happy. I was completely satisfied in my day to day life, my sex life and my marriage" Christian flinches beside me at the implication in my answer.

"What happened the night you realized otherwise?"

"Christian had planned a father-son camping night with our eldest and our only son. As you can imagine Teddy was extremely excited to have some, one on one time with Christian. It'd been planned for a few weeks, and then the night before Christian told me that he had early meetings over the weekend and it'd be _easier _to stay at our apartment in the city than at our home on the sound. I was heavily pregnant and was supposed to stay stress free, as with my previous pregnancies I had trouble with high blood pressure. On the Friday night our three year old daughter Gracie gave me a really hard time because she is a daddy's girl and wanted her dad. I ended up taking the both of them into my bed so that I could get some sleep. The next day I met up with my best friend Kate – who I was roommates with in college and is married to Christian's brother Elliot– we went to the salon, got our hair and nails done and then went for lunch. Kate suggested surprizing Christian at the apartment. She and Elliot offered to stay at our house and look after our children because apparently I can't go 48 hours without my husband. If only he could say the same! I went all out, bought a new dress, shoe's, my hair and nails had been done – all for someone who would rather be with his submissive!" Repeating everything that happened makes me so angry at him. I pull my hand from his and scoot over on the couch, needing some distance.

"So what happened when you arrived?"

"I entered the apartment and most of the downstairs was in darkness. I looked in our bedroom and the bed was empty, so I went back to the great room and dialled Christians blackberry, I found it on the breakfast bar and he never goes anywhere without it. I decided to check upstairs and whilst walking past the playroom I decided to try the door. He didn't notice the door opening, and obviously didn't hear me; though I was unable to make a noise. I stood there, looking like the idiot wife who can't please her husband, with silent tears running down my face. _Eventually _he took his dick out of her and turned around – you know how they say that you can see the color drain from your face when you get a shock, well that's what happened. I just turned on my heel and walked away as quickly as I could, obviously being very pregnant made it almost impossible, as he caught up with me just as I reached the elevator. He begged and pleaded, that he was sorry and she didn't mean anything; the usual clichéd responses. I told him that I wanted him to leave our home on the sound and start living at Escala effective immediately. Christian had the nerve to yell at me and tell me that I couldn't keep him from our home or our children. I tried to argue back and that's when my water broke and I went into premature labor"

"How did you feel when you were watching them?"

"How did I feel? Humiliated, betrayed, hurt, angry, devastated, gutted. That I wasn't enough to keep him. That I was worthless, that I wasn't attractive enough, that he couldn't possibly love me if he thought this was okay"

"Why are you here today Mrs Grey?" Her question brings me up short. And I don't know the answer.

"I don't know? I want answers, Christian is saying that he'll change, that he'll work on his issues but I am hesitant to believe him – I don't trust him, I don't know if I'll ever be able to again, so I guess I'm here to start to build trust in him again; but as I said, I am unsure to whether that trust will be able to lead to reconcile with him. However I love my husband, and if he is trying to deal with his issues I'll try to support him in that as best I can" I have to be honest with him, leading him to believe that we're getting back together; it wouldn't be fair to lead him on.

_It wasn't fair to have another woman to fuck but it didn't stop him! _Well, you may have a point there.

"Okay, Christian, you have already expressed the desire to reconcile with Ana. Now you have told me a detailed description of your affair, to move forward in this process, to get yourself where you want to be you're going to have to agree to full disclosure? Can you do that Christian?"

"Yes, I am willing to do anything and everything to conquer my demons and get to a better place – which is by my wife's side" Sure. If you're able to keep it in your pants.

"Can you tell me how it felt to enter into a BDSM relationship with an established submissive, one that you'd had before?"

"I was going through a rough time at work; a massively important contract was starting to fall through. With my issues about food, knowing that those families would be unemployed therefor unable to feed their families. I'd decided to just go out for a drive and ended up at some restaurant and that's when I ran into Allyson, who was an ex-sub. Afterwards I tried to get her out of my mind but when the contract did fall through I just felt so out of control and it didn't sit well with me. I panicked and I regressed into an old coping mechanism. I contacted my security chief and asked for an updated background check for Allyson – when I received it, I left the office and went straight over there"

"What happened when you were at the door?"

"I asked her if I could come inside, that I had a proposition for her" I can't stop the snort that escapes me. I close my eyes and take a deep, shaky breath, allowing him to continue.

"She showed me into the living room and I asked her if she would enter into a verbal contract with me. I asked if her hard and soft limits were still the same and she wouldn't look at me, she simply nodded her head and kept her eyes downcast. She asked me 'What about your wife?' speaking to me without permission – knowing that I would punish her. I restrained her and spanked her with a belt then we had rough sex and I left"

"I didn't ask for a recounting of event's Christian – I asked how it felt to be with her, to be with a sub again after all these years?" I peek at him from the corner of my eyes. He is leaning forward with his hands in his head. I feel sick – Do I want to know this? Will it even make a difference?

"I felt, powerful, in command and in control. It … It turned me on and I enjoyed beating her with the belt, it allowed me to get all of my frustrations out and left me feeling calm and … sated" I can't help the strangled sob that escapes my chest. Dr Logan passes me a box of tissues and Christian turns around to face me

"Ana, baby – please? I know it was wrong and I don't want anyone but you?" He reaches for my hand and I pull away from him, just shaking my head.

"When you were in your Dom persona with Allyson, how did you react sexually and emotionally?"

"I know this sounds clichéd but I felt, like the old me, the 27 year old Dom who was always in control. Allyson made me feel powerful, commanding, and I responded to her in an explicit sexual manner. I had no emotional connection to her whatsoever" I can't help the bitter, angry tears that are falling – I feel like they're never going to stop. I hate him for this pain, I hate that he's done this to me, to us.

"Christian, can you tell me why you suddenly wanted a whole weekend with this sub?"

"Each time I'd see Allyson it was only for two hours and I felt like I couldn't get it out of my system. I figured if I had her for a whole night and day I could finally put it behind me. When I arrived from the office on the Saturday, Allyson was already at Escala. I had just spoken to Ana on the phone and I couldn't get her voice out of my head, I kept seeing Teddy disappointed about camping and I talked to Allyson about this. I told her that we would have this scene then our contract would be terminated. That I didn't want to keep doing this anymore. She agreed and we went into the playroom. When I turned around and saw Ana standing there. I just felt dread" I don't know whether to believe this or not, who's to say that if I hadn't caught him, it'd still be going on? He wouldn't have stuck to that agreement.

"Can you explain your feelings to me, what was going through your mind when you saw Ana standing there, knowing what she'd seen?"

"I just remember when the scene ended, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I'd decided that things were finished with Allyson and I wouldn't see her again. I loosened her restraints and turned to get the arcana cream and I saw Ana standing there. I remember thinking, she looks so beautiful, then it all came crashing down on me, the severity of the situation I'd found myself in. The look on her face?" I close my eyes and shake my head as if to rid myself of the memory, the memory of seeing the love of my life thrusting into that woman, saying all the things he used to say to me.

"She looked utterly devastated. She was crying but didn't make a noise. I tried to explain myself but she just turned away. I told Allyson that the contract was now null and void and gave her the code for the service elevator and ran after Ana. I tried to say sorry and explain why, but she didn't want to know; but who can blame her after what she'd just seen me do. I know I don't deserve forgiveness but I cannot live without you Ana. I need you in my life; I need you to continue to be my wife."

Christian reaches out to me and I continue to pull back, to move further away from him. Shit, this hurts so much. I just want to run from this room. To run away from the pain he has inflicted upon me.

* * *

"Christian, we should continue. How –"

"What the fuck does any of this matter; all it's doing is opening old wounds" Fuck, we were at least communicating, she was letting me back in and now she doesn't want me near her. I can't handle this.

"Ana deserves the truth, none of this sugar coated bullshit that you've been drip feeding her. Ana needs to know everything or this won't work" I can't help but feel dread in the pit of my stomach.

"After you and your sub had sex, that first night that you showed up at her place, how did you feel?"

"I felt sick, guilt ridden. I didn't want to go home, knowing that I would have to face Ana, to look in her eyes knowing that I'd betrayed her. Whilst I drove home I decided that I would just confess what had happened, I'd beg for forgiveness and ask her to help me regain control in our playroom, together"

"Why didn't that happen?"

"I'd sat for a while with our children, we put them to bed and I went to ask her if we could talk but she beat me to the punch and told me that she had a present for me; which made me feel like shit. Ana handed me a long thin box that was wrapped up and when I opened it, it was a positive pregnancy test. I couldn't tell her what I'd done, she'd get upset and that was bad for the baby. But looking back on it, I probably would have found another excuse not to say anything. Plus, Allyson had an extreme tolerance for pain, and I could really let go with her. I couldn't risk hurting Ana physically. The last time I'd done so, it resulted in her leaving me for five days and those days were excruciating. So I didn't tell her because I was terrified that she'd leave me. I started seeing Allyson at lunch times, twice a week for intense discipline sessions, which took all the tension and frustration away from me"

"So you felt like Ana was inadequate to fulfil those needs, so you sought relief elsewhere?" What? No, I didn't want to hurt Ana, I love her. I couldn't beat her with a belt, not like the last time! Fuck!

"NO! I didn't want to risk our relationship. Ana you were enough, you were always enough. Please believe me when I say that"

"How can you sit there and say that I was enough when clearly I couldn't satisfy you? Elena was right, that's the woman who introduced Christian to BDSM. When we announced our engagement, at Christian's birthday party, Elena accosted me and proceeded to tell me that I could never satisfy Christian and that sooner or later he'd wake up and realise that I wasn't what he needed. I hate that she was right, and I fucking loathe that you made her right!" Ana talks in a calm monotone voice that sounds resigned, her voice trembles with unshed tears and that terrifies me. I hang my head because I did what Elena said I'd do all along, I am going to prove to Ana that I love her and need her in my life.

"Firstly, Christian – you cannot say that Ana was enough then in the same breath that you felt she couldn't go into the playroom to fulfil those needs within you, lying to make her feel better isn't going to help matters in terms of getting back to where you were before all of this began. If am being completely honest with you both. I'd definitely say you have some hard work ahead of you to regain the trust that was had between the two of you. Once trust is broken in terms of marriage; you have to strip everything back and start from scratch. If you continue to come to sessions and work at your problems I see no reason why you can't make it back from this. Christian, you are going to have to work at changing your coping mechanisms, your need to control – having spent quite a lot of time with you recently and given recent circumstances I am positive that if you keep going in the direction you are headed in you have a real chance of moving on from these issues. Now I have some homework for you both, which I'll give to you at the end of the session.

Ana, what is the one thing that prior to all of this blowing up; do you feel that could have prevented it?"

"That's easy, something that Christian has always struggled with – if he'd just had faith in me, faith that I could be what he needed. If he'd communicated his feelings of losing control I would have gladly gone into the playroom with him. I'll admit that it had been maybe over a year since we'd visited the actual playroom, but we improvised at home. I would have gone back in there and submitted to him to help him with his issues" She's right, it could have all been avoided if I'd just trusted her to help me instead of running to BDSM when the going got tough.

"Christian, is there anything you'd like to add?" Yes, tonnes.

"I just want to say that I will do everything in my power to get my life straightened out." I turn to face Ana and notice that she has tears streaming from her eyes. I use my thumbs to wipe her tears and pass her a tissue. Thankfully she doesn't push me away. I clasp her hand in mines and give her a reassuring squeeze

"Ana, I love you and I am truly sorry for all the shit you've had to deal with since you met me. I love you more than life itself and I will move heaven and earth to regain your trust, and your faith in me. Baby – I will try my hardest to make you see that I will do anything for you and our children" She nods at me as I pull her had up to my lips, placing a few kisses on her knuckles.

"Ana, I think you could maybe benefit from some solo sessions. Would you be interested in doing that?"

"Uh… yes. I think I need to work on my self-esteem which obviously got obliterated in light of all of this"

"I want you both to write a letter to each other, detailing all of your fears, concerns and what you love about each other, what your hopes are for the future. And bring them with you to next week's session. If you need any guidance, I can help during your solo sessions.

I have helped a lot of couples who didn't have an ounce of the passion that is shared between you two. I can tell that you deeply love each other and with help and guidance I think you have a shot at making it past this. Christian, we know why you cheated, what caused it to happen, now we have to find a better outlet and a better way to deal with these feelings of lost control. For now, our time is up – If you'd each like to book a solo session, then a joint session for next Friday so that you can each read the others letter" I get up and shake Dr Logan's hand, as does Ana. We go outside and book our appointments and even though this was a very hard session to go through I hope that it has helped get us one step closer to being back together. I am dreading going back to that apartment. I am seriously thinking of booking the cascade suite at the Heathman hotel indefinitely.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter - It took a while to write and as I said before I was a suffering with a little writers block but I think I have my groove back. Should have another update for tomorrow when we deal with more of Dr Logan and the subsequent letters that they've both to write, which leads to better communications; as Christian always said 'Ana communicates better through email' so a letter should be good for her. What do you guys think should be in each letter? **

**Reviews are wonderful, I just want to thank everyone for reading. I never expected this kind of massive response and I want to squeeze each and every one of you! Does that make me weird? LOL! **


	30. Chapter 30: Teething Problems

**All rights belong to E. L. James, story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

Ana and I walk back out to the reception desk and both book our solo and joined therapy sessions. I feel emotionally drained, having discussed all we have. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I want to work things out with her; there will never be anyone else for me. I love Ana dearly. Allyson was just a distraction from a very stressful few months and I regret every single second that I spent with her, when I could have been with Ana and the kids. Prior to coming to this appointment I was starting to feel optimistic, that maybe we'd make it. Now I feel like we're back to square one.

"Here is your appointment card, with both appointments written on there. If you need to call and change the time or date just call us and we'll get you a new session booked immediately"

The young brunette receptionist flutters her eyes at me like she doesn't even notice that Ana is standing right next to me.

"Thank you, if you could please give one of these to my _wife _so that she has a reminder of her solo sessions as well, thank you" I reach over and take Ana's hand in mine as we wait for the now lazy receptionist to write our her session dates.

We walk out of Dr Logan's office and Taylor is sitting right outside the door waiting on us. I move forward to get in the car but Ana stops and pulls me back.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I'm terrified she's going to refuse to get in the car with me; I mean that therapy session was brutal, and we haven't addressed _Dr Harper _ob/gyn to the stars!

"Do you want to come back to the house with me; I'd like to discuss some things with you?"

"I'd like that Ana, but your making me worry? Is it something bad?"

"No, I just want to talk some more, I mean we're supposed to be working on our communication issues and I just figured that we may as well take advantage of today's progress?"

"Let's do that then baby"

Taylor jumps out and opens the door to our Q7 and we step inside. It's a long ride back to our beautiful home on the sound. I fell in love with the panoramic vista; it is truly breath-taking as the sun disappears below the horizon. We finally pull past the iron gates and Taylor slows to a stop to let Ana and I off at the front door and he then takes the car around to the garage. I see Ana check her watch and I realize that it's Gracie's nap time so we both creep into the house and find Gail sitting with Olivia in her lap trying to soothe her. She has a refrigerated teething ring in her little hand and she's all flushed. The moment she notices Ana she starts to cry.

"Oh princess, what's the matter huh?" Ana asks as she takes Olivia in her arms, holding her close and running her hand over her brow.

"What's wrong with her Ana?" I ask, getting a little apprehensive. I can't stand it when the kids are ill. I feel totally and utterly helpless and I hate to think they're in pain.

"I think she's teething. Especially the way she is gnawing on that teething ring!" Ana takes a seat with Olivia on her lap and kisses her forehead. Liv starts crying as soon as Ana sits down and starts nuzzling at Ana's breast. She has been off of breastfeeding during the day for about eight or nine weeks, which was really hard for her to start taking, but we persevered through it so that I could have access to her as much as I did with Gracie and Teddy.

"Christian, can you go into the nursery and get me the thermometer and teething gel, it should be in the big baby box with all her bathing stuff in it"

"Sure, I'll be back in a moment" I head upstairs and walk into Olivia's nursery. I grab the forehead strap thermometer and the bonjela teething gel to help with the pain of her teeth cutting. Teddy was a little angel when he was a baby. We didn't have any problems with him at all. Gracie was another story, she was cranky, she wouldn't sleep and got very clingy with Ana. I head back downstairs and Ana is pacing with Olivia in her arms and she's sobbing. I hate to see my little girl in pain. I hand Ana the thermo and the gel and she passes Olivia to me so that she can get an accurate reading on her temp and apply the topical gel to her gums. Ana places the strip across Liv's forehead and waits for the strip to change colors which tell us what temp she is running.

"What's it saying Ana?" I ask as I lightly bounce her on my knee.

"She is running a fever at 102F Ana places a small pea sized amount of the gel on her pinkie and slips it into Olivia's mouth then rubs it over her top gum, then repeats it on the bottom. She's beginning to go ridged on my lap so Ana takes her from me and try's to calm her down. She rocks her back and forth but nothing is working, she just keeps grasping at Ana's shirt.

"Christian, do you think you can get me a bottle of milk from the fridge, don't bother heating it up – it'll help her sore mouth if it's cold" I head into the kitchen and hurriedly get the freshly pumped milk and pour it into one of her bottles then bring it back to Ana.

* * *

Christian has been really helpful today, it's been a stressful day so far and it only seems to be getting worse. He returns to the family room looking very anxious

"Here peanut, daddy got your milk"

"Dadadadadadadda" she hiccups because she is so worked up and I hate to see her like this. I take the bottle from Christian and grab her pink blanket, and sit on the sofa.

"I know princess I know. Your bottles right here sweetie; but you won't take it." I try pressing the teat of the bottle to her bottom lip, gently pressing down and wiggling it to get her to latch on. For a split second she does but as soon as she feels the texture she turns her head away and goes stiff with sheer temper. I am getting really stressed out and I just want to comfort her in the way she wants. She's been doing really well with the bottle since we stopped giving her daytime feeds from me; this is the first time that she's refused to take it from me.

I have persisted for the last hour and she just won't take it from me. I know that Christian is getting worked up because he thinks she is hungry and that's why she's crying and I try to explain it to him so he'll understand.

"Christian, don't worry about her being hungry, that's not why she's crying. With Grace, whenever she was teething, she would want to nurse constantly because it's comforting to her" He looks at me dubiously.

"Christian, do you want to pass me the house phone, please?" He gets up and grabs the cordless phone that sits beside one of the lamps. I dial Grace's number; she'll know what to do?!

"Hello?"

"Hi Grace, it's Ana"

"Oh, hello darling, how're you?"

"Well, I'm not so good right now, Olivia is teething, her little face is all flushed, I know she's in pain and she keeps pulling at me and trying to latch on through my shirt! I don't know if you can hear her, but she's absolutely sobbing in Christian's arms and I don't know what to do? I mean if I give in, surely that will undo all the work we've done so far ... It's killing me to hear her sob and know that I can comfort her in the way she wants in a heartbeat." I have stinging tears hanging on the corner of my eyes.

"Oh Is Christian still at the big house with you?"

"Yeah he's here, the kids wanted him to spend the night"

"I bet Gracie was really excited, oh dear darling I can hear Olivia, poor little thing! Have you tried her with a bottle?"

"Yeah, she latches for a second but when she realizes that it isn't me she turns her head away and screams bloody murder. Grace, why did my daughters inherent Christians personality? It's difficult with one 'Christian' never mind three!"

"Do you have the child-friendly Tylenol?"

"Yeah I think so?"

"Well, give her 5mls of that, and if it was me, I'd give her what she needs right now, she needs reassurance, and comfort from you and nursing will give her that." I breathe a sigh of relief and Grace chuckles at me.

"Thank god. It feels like Olivia has been tearing my heart from my chest for the last hour."

"I'm sure once she nurses, she'll settle down"

"Thanks Grace, for all your help lately, Christian and I both appreciate it. I better go and let this little madam nurse"

"Okay Ana, I'll talk to you soon… is Christian able to come to the phone?"

"Yeah, sure" I hand Christian the phone and take Olivia from his arms. I try to listen to their one-sided conversation but I don't make much sense of it. He hangs up the phone and comes to sit beside us on the sofa. My baby girl is lying in my arms, rubbing her eyes and sobs are heaving from her chest. Just listening to her pains my heart.

"Shhh... it's okay. You got yourself all worked up and you got momma worked up." I kiss her curls and sit down, getting comfortable. I wrap the blanket over us and unbutton my shirt. Olivia immediately dives for me and latches on.

"See, was there anything to get worked up for? You have daddy's temper little lady!" Christian says to her as he strokes her curls. Her only sounds are contented moans as she drinks. Her eyes are all red and puffy, and after a good 20 minutes they start to flutter slowly, I detach her and get the syringe to measure her medicine. I don't want her fever getting any worse so I insert the syringe into the side of her mouth and push the plunger down. Her little face screws up and I quickly guide her back onto me before she can cry. I snuggle her to my chest as she nurses – I get just as much comfort as she does when we do this. I love the bond that we have; I don't know how other mothers can refuse this experience?

Christian looks up at me with wonder in his eyes.

"What?" I ask, trying to figure out what he's thinking?

"It's just it always amazes me of how great a mother you are. I sometimes wonder what I would be like if I'd been lucky enough to have someone like you as my mother. If I'd still be the same person"

"I always think that everything happens for a reason and, what is for you, won't go past you, we probably wouldn't have met if you hadn't been adopted by the Grey's, especially as you were born in Detroit"

* * *

"Ana, earlier you said that you wanted me to come back here to talk to me about something, what was it that you wanted to talk about?"

"Well, I was just thinking about our therapy session and I really like Dr Logan, if she thinks that we can make it through this then I'm going to give it my best shot Christian. I was thinking, if you'd like, you can stay here a few nights a week, I think the kids would benefit from having you around more?" Ana averts her gaze and concentrates on Olivia's breathing. I can't believe that she wants me to come home. I am in shock right now.

"Oh Ana, baby I would love too!" I lean across and place a long lasting wet kiss upon her lips.

"Christian, I just want to stress that this doesn't mean everything is fine between us because it's not. It's far from where we want to be. But I think that we'll be able to work through our stuff and our issues better if we spend more time together"

"I understand Ana, oh I am so fucking happy right now" I gently lean down and kiss Olivia's forehead. She still feels warm and flushed but I don't think it's as bad as it was earlier. I notice that she isn't suckling anymore but still has her mouth wrapped around her nipple.

"Ana, what is she doing?" Ana looks down and smiles at our youngest baby.

"It's just comforting to her, like a pacifier, only it's my nipple" I can genuinely understand the appeal to do that. Hell I'd do it right now – Just spend forever attached to Ana's nipple. She detaches Olivia from her breast and she squirms a little when I place her in her cot she's all cozy and fine.

"Would I be able to stay tonight, it's just Olivia is really clingy with you because she's in pain, that way I can occupy Teddy and Gracie, whilst you deal with Liv?"

"Yes, I think that would be a great idea" Ana gives me a shy smile and I can't help but beam back at her in response. I deffinitely didn't see today working out quite like this, but this is the happiest day that I've had since all of this happened.

* * *

**So Ana has asked Christian to move back into their family home so that they can work on their issues together, but where does that leave Richard - Should Ana choose him over the only man she's ever loved, even though he betrayed her, she can't deny that CG is her soul mate. **


	31. Chapter 31: Communication is key!

**All rights belong to E. L. James, story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

Christian has covered our kitchen table with an old dust sheet and is sitting with Gracie and Teddy, coloring and painting pictures with them. I have Olivia on my lap and she's snuggled into me. She refuses to let me put her down but I think that the Tylenol has taken the majority of the pain and fever away from her. I'm watching Christian laughing and playing with the kids and it warms my heart, don't get me wrong, he has always been a very good father, but it was always me who would do the arts and crafts stuff with them. He is really trying to change and be a better husband and father. We have a very long and tiring road ahead of us, but I know that we can get through this, especially if Christian continues on the path he's on right now. I peak down at Olivia as she starts to stir, I've practically had to hold her all day as each time she'd fall asleep, I'd try to put her in the crib and she'd wake within ten minutes. Her sleepy grey eyes slowly flutter open; she looks up at me and gives me her first smile of the day.

"Hey baby girl, did you have a good nap huh?" I say in a quiet voice as I slowly rock her from side to side, allowing her to come to herself a little. Both Gracie and Olivia can be cranky when they wake up!

"Is my little princess hungry? Should momma get you some cold yoghurt" I ask as I rock her,

"Mmmmmmmm"

I smile lovingly at my little angel, I don't think it'll be too much longer until she's saying momma! I stand up holding Olivia on my hip, but she settles her head into my neck, she's still quite warm and I'm hoping that a cold snack will soothe her poor gums.

"Momma, look daddy maked nice picture" I peer over his shoulder and I smirk, apparently I've found something that the wonderful Christian Grey can't do.

"Oh I think yours is better though Gracie"

"Hey, I'd say my picture has a very nice… - okay I'll admit that I can't draw or paint!" I can't help the giggle that bubbles up my throat.

"Mrs Grey are you giggling at my lack of artistic ability?" I bite my lip to stifle another giggle and stick my head into the refrigerator to get Olivia's snack. I sit her in Christian's lap and I pull up a chair in front of them, spooning the cold yoghurt into her mouth, she is enjoying it as she starts to kick her legs and smile at me. She must be feeling better. Once Olivia's finished her snack we all sit in the family room and the kids are playing in the middle of the floor, I have tried to put Olivia in her play ring but she is not having any of it so she has to sit in my lap whilst she chews on a teething ring. Once Christian and Gail have finished cleaning up – _wonders will never cease – _the kitchen, he joins Olivia and I on the sofa, draping his arm around me and kissing my hair. This feels so normal and right. I have enjoyed being at home with my husband again, after all this time. He runs his fingertips up and down my arm and starts making funny faces at Olivia, who's loving every second of her dad's undivided attention.

"DA!" She squeals as she reaches out to him, Christian takes her off of me and starts making faces and funny noises at her. She has refused to go to anyone other than me all day and my arms and back can do with the rest. Gracie comes toddling across to me with her blankie and I know that she wants to cuddle in with me

_So, you got a grand total of 25 seconds of arm recuperation _– my subconscious has a talent for stating the obvious!

"Are you sleepy baby girl?" I ask as I open my arms out to her and she pulls herself into my lap

"Yeah momma, I seepy" She takes her blankie and holds the soft fleecy material to her cheek and tucks herself in my arms; it doesn't take her long to fall asleep. She's had a very tiring afternoon of play time with her daddy. Teddy is sitting in the overstuffed chair watching Simpson's reruns, and both he and Christian are laughing at the silly cartoon. I turn to look at my husband, it seems that Olivia has also fallen asleep; he hasn't noticed me watching him as he intermittently brushes his lips on her hair, taking in her gorgeous, pure baby scent. His expression is one of utter bliss and contentment and for the first time in months I feel as if my world has finally righted itself. I know we're not out of the woods, not by a long shot but I think we can get there if Christian and I sort out our personal issues, as well as work on our marriage. I start to actually pay attention to what's on the TV and find myself chucking along, then Christian takes my hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze.

"I love you Anastasia" I feel a tightness in my chest and my eyes glisten with unshed tears at the reverence in his tone.

"I love you too Christian, I always will – no matter what" I smile at him, he doesn't let go of my hand we focus our attention back on the TV, and in this moment I feel complete and content.

**~o0o~**

I am sitting nursing in the rocking chair by the window, bright colors and shapes swirl across the walls and ceilings from her baby lamp. Christian is sitting with us, reading a story in a quiet, melodic voice – it doesn't take long for Olivia to fall sound asleep. I continue to rock her for a while, making sure that she is in a deep sleep before I lay her down in her crib, I set her lamp to dim and place a gentle kiss on her forehead as does Christian; he turns on her monitor, then we tip-toe out the room.

Christian looks unsure what to do next, it's easy to fall into our old patterns when the kids act as buffers but without them, we don't know what to say or do with each other.

"Ana, do you want to have a glass of wine with me and talk?" He looks at his feet the whole time, as if terrified that I'll say no.

"I'd love to Christian"

We head downstairs and Christian selects a bottle of chilled Sancerre from the fridge whilst I get two glasses. I take a welcomed sip when he hands me mine and we make our way to the sofa. I take a seat beside Christian and we lean in so that we're facing each other and he reaches for my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. I take a sip from my wine and set it on the coffee table, as does Christian.

"Ana, these two nights have been wonderful. It's made me even more determined than ever to work hard, on myself and our marriage. I love you so much Ana" he says, oozing sincerity.

"I agree with you, these two nights have been wonderful. I'm glad that you're going to work on yourself and our marriage" I take a deep breath and squeeze his hand back "I know this isn't going to be easy for either of us but I want to make our marriage work – I miss and love you so much Christian" He moves as if to hug me, but changes his mind half way through the action. A genuinely sad expression mars his lovely features.

"What's wrong?" I ask, trying to understand what just happened?

"I- I just don't know how to act around you right now. I'm not sure what's allowed and what's not allowed and I don't want to make you mad or piss you off by doing something that you don't want to happen" I can't believe it when I see a light pink blush across his cheeks. I scoot closer to him and wrap my arms around his waist, settling my head onto his shoulder. As I hold him, I inhale his pure Christian scent, and almost automatically his nose makes its way into my hair. I feel like my home is in his arms. I know that he messed up badly, and really devastated me, but the truth of the matter is that I love him with every fibre of my being, and that'll never change. I pull back a little from our embrace and look up into his eyes, shining their purest silver, and filled with love. He leans down to kiss my cheek and at the last second I turn my head so that his lips fall onto mines. He gasps at the contact and I take the opportunity to thrust my tongue into his mouth, stroking against his. It takes a few moments for him to recover and kiss me back, but when he does, desire streaks through my bloodstream as he sucks and bites at my lip. I fist my hands in his hair, pulling him to me, binding him to me. I end up lying down on the couch with Christian on top of me, his erection prodding against my thigh. Christian groans low in his chest, I am kissing him like my life depends on it when I feel a persistent vibration against my ass, I've tried my best to ignore it but it's really starting to annoy me. I pull back and Christian looks crestfallen

"My blackberry is vibrating in my pocket and I'm just going to take it out and throw it somewhere for the time being!"

I lift my hips up so that Christian can pull it from my pocket, he starts to feel and grab at my ass and I let out peals of giggles

"Having trouble locating the blackberry Christian?"

"Hmmm… I just can't seem to find it, but I have found a sexy little ass instead. Oh wait, I feel vibrations... here we have it"

"Who is it that is sending me texts or emails at this time of night?" Christian's eyes are twinkling down at me, filled with delight and lust. He places a kiss on the tip of my nose and turns his attention to the screen of my blackberry. Almost instantly all lust and delight disappears from his face and his eyes turn to flint.

"Christian, what's wrong?" I am starting to panic that something's happened to one of the family. He tears his gaze from the screen and looks up at me, looking devastated, to the point of tears.

"Christian, please tell me what's wrong? We're supposed to be communicating remember?" I ask as I caress his cheek; his stubble tickling my palm. I see him swallow and his shutters come down

"Uh… it's… its Richard" I freeze as I note the blatant fear in Christian's eyes.

SHIT!

* * *

**I just want to add a little note to all who apparently deem Ana as 'weak' for wanting to work on her marriage with Christian. When someone who you love with all your heart and soul betrays you it's the worst possible pain. To know that the person who is your everything would do that to you is heartbreaking. And to who do believe Ana is now 'weak' you are right, Christian did hurt her in the worst way. **

**It takes a very strong person to stand up and face that pain head on. Especially when it's so much easier to turn your back on the person who did that to you, and try to move on from that relationship and the love you shared. Ana is confronting that pain head on, which makes her so much fucking stronger in my eyes - Also to the 'weak Ana' brigade; I'd say it's pretty fucking weak to run away and whine about it rather than facing it and working past it. I appreciate your reviews, I really do but I'm afraid to tell you that it is ****_my _****story and I'll continue to write my vision for this story. If you don't like my story because you have decreed Ana as weak, then to the left there is a red box with an 'x' just click it, and there's an equally useful tool to the right, which is an arrow and you can click that as well.**

**/rant over!**

**I have to give a massive thank you to everyone who has helped support me in this story, you guys are awesome! I'd like to give a big shout out to Louisvuittonfreak because she is my awesome friend who has helped create and mold this story to what it is now. I'm also shouting out to And1rea we are PM buddies! Whenever I am stressed out with my turbulent love life she always listens and gives me advice, she also came up with the Christian learns to cook mac & cheese and I forgot to add that in the chapter - we shall see how he does when he actually gets into the kitchen. My guess is that Gail will be pulling her hair out and have a fire extinguisher at the ready.**

**- Love Susie. xo**


	32. Chapter 32: Ruined moments?

**All rights belong to E. L. James, story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

Ana lifts her hips to allow me to pluck her phone from her pocket. Fuck, she's so sexy. I couldn't believe it when she turned her head and allowed me to kiss her, I feel like I'm burning; burning with desire for my wife. I feel around in her pocket and opt to massage and grab at her ass. She rewards me with her infectious giggle. I feel myself harden with each grope that I give her.

"Having trouble locating the blackberry Christian?" No baby, I just like fondling your assets.

" Hmm… I just can't seem to find it, but I have found a sexy little ass instead. Oh wait, I feel vibrations... here we have it"

"Who is it that is sending me texts or emails at this time of night?" She asks me but I can't even answer her as I'm lost in her guileless baby blue eyes, they hypnotize me as she looks up at me with a smirk. I place a small peck on the top of her nose as her phone vibrates in my hand, I manage to pry my gaze from Ana and look down at the screen of her blackberry.

I instantly stiffen and feel terrified at what's about to happen. Ana warned me that she was going to continue to see this Dr Harper, and keep her options open. I am scared that he's going to take her from me and after these last two days that I have spent here, I have been so happy. Just spending quality time with my children and my wife. I am also pretty sure that Ana and I were about to get intimate and this doctor fucker has just messed everything up.

"Christian, what's wrong?" How the hell can I tell her how utterly terrified of this stupid email I am, and of its implications on our reconciliation? I look up from the screen and gaze right into Ana's eyes; I can't lose her again, not when I am so close to getting her back. I feel my eyes well up and continue to look into Ana's concerned eyes.

"Christian, please tell me what's wrong? We're supposed to be communicating, remember?" She asks me as she caresses my cheek, I turn my head and place a soft kiss on her palm, and she gives me a small, sad smile. I take a deep breath and cut off all my emotions so I can manage to get the words to pass my lips.

"Uh… it's…its Richard!" Ana's face instantly pales and she reaches for the phone, probably to read whatever is contained in the email. I shudder and my heart is pounding in my chest –

* * *

As I take my blackberry from Christian I am unable to stop my hand from trembling. I shakily sat up and swing my legs around so I was sitting properly on the sofa. I am dreading reading this message.

**From:** Richard Harper  
**Subject: **You!  
**Date:** 25th August 8:40pm  
**To:** Anastasia Grey

Hi Ana,

I haven't stopped thinking of you since Saturday night. I had a wonderful time with you, you are an amazing woman and each time I close my eyes I remember what it felt like to have you in my arms. I can't wait for Wednesday, I am really looking forward to kissing your wonderful lips, I've done nothing but think of those lips for the last two days.

What time will I pick you up for dinner on Wednesday, I know you enjoyed Six, Seven's last time so I have made a reservation there again – if you'd prefer somewhere else then please let me know.

I can't wait to see you Anastasia!

Richard. x

* * *

I know that this isn't going to be easy for Christian to understand or accept but I owe it to Richard to see him again. I look across at Christian, he's moved to the opposite end of the couch and his head is in his hands, my heart aches just looking at him. I get off the couch and kneel down in front of him, sitting back on my heels; if I parted my thighs I'd be right in the submissive position; which was unintentional.

"Christian? Talk to me please?" I get no response, he doesn't move a muscle. I reach up and pry his hands away from his head, holding onto them and try to look into his eyes. I notice almost immediately that there is glistening moisture underneath his eyes, but he won't look at me.

"You have to talk to me Christian or this" I motion between us "marriage, us getting back to where we should be won't work" He closes his eyes tight, and slowly looks up at me. I give him a small reassuring smile when his eyes meet mine.

"Ana... I-I'm scared that he's going to take you from me. I know you warned me that you were going to continue to see him and I know I have no right to object but I don't think I can handle it"

I let go of his hands and lean up on my knees, taking his gorgeous face in my hands.

"Is that all your worried about?" I ask, looking deeply into his saddened grey eyes,

"Yes" he answers breathless, his voice pained and thick with emotion

"Christian, I said that because at that point I wasn't sure if we could be us again. Then you spent the night and we went to see Dr Logan and I knew that our marriage was worth a second chance. I want to work on our marriage and rebuild the trust we lost" His relief is plain so see, because his shoulders immediately relax, like a weight has been lifted.

"So you're not going to see him again?" He asks, sounding hopeful again. I take a deep breath because I know what I'm about to say is going to be hard for him to hear, even though he betrayed me and started off the chain of events that have lead up to this point, I still don't want to hurt him. I stand up and sit back down beside him on the sofa and retake his hands, giving them a squeeze and looking into his eyes.

"I know this is going to be hard for you to hear, and hard for you to understand but I have to be completely honest, full disclosure remember?" He nods his acknowledgement.

"When I started dating, I'd been out with a few guys but none of them caught my attention; I was convinced that you'd ruined me for other men" I see a trace of a small smirk dancing on his lips.

"As you know, Kate and Elliot decided to take me out for the night but the majority of the time I was left to my own devices whilst they had fun with each other – Richard came over and told me that he'd watched me for two hours and I'd never smiled once and bought me a drink. We talked and danced for most of the night and for the first time I felt attracted to someone other than you. We had natural chemistry together, we kissed a few times and he told me that he wanted to take me home and have his way with me but he wouldn't disrespect me like that. Then he asked me to go out to dinner with him, the following night so I said yes" Christian's grip on my hands tighten and I see the muscles in the set of his jaw start to twitch as he grits his teeth.

"We went to dinner together and I had a great time, but you already know that because you were there watching us. We went back to his house as you know and at that point Christian, I was really low – I felt like I was unattractive, stupid for thinking that we were happy together, and all I could hear in my head was Elena's voice that night when we announced our engagement, saying that I could never hold you, that I wasn't capable of making you happy. Richard made me feel wanted, and beautiful when I needed to feel those things the very most" I tentatively look up at him, but his head is down and his eyes are closed. I squeeze his hands again before letting them go. His head shoots up and I see the pure panic in his face

"It's okay, I just need to go and get something from upstairs – something that you need to have" I turn around and head upstairs to my bedroom and walk into the closet, it only takes me a few minutes to locate what I need, I place my half in the back pocket of my jeans. I head back downstairs and sit closely beside him on the sofa, taking his left hand in mines.

"After I had sex with Richard I just felt so low, and I cried myself to sleep in his arms. When I woke up the following morning, I felt like the majority of the anger and hurt had left me. We were very flirty in the morning, to be honest I think he was expecting me to regret what had happened but I didn't I won't ever regret that night because it made me put things into perspective. Richard asked me what I wanted for breakfast and I was shocked that he could cook" I snort an anxious giggle as I look at my husbands devastated expression.

"Richard asked me to go out and get the morning paper once I was dressed, and then join him for breakfast in the kitchen. So I did as he asked, I got dressed and went outside, I bent down to pick up the paper and as I lifted it, something shiny caught my eye – when I picked it up and cleaned the mud and dirt off of it I realize just what it was. I felt like someone had just kicked me in the gut. All the breath left my body when I looked at your wedding ring sitting in my palm and all I could think about was that you wouldn't want me because I was no longer _only _yours" Tears spring into my eyes as I squeeze Christians hand once more and slowly push his wedding ring back onto his finger.

"I love you Christian and I want to make our marriage work, however – meeting Richard, and being intimate with him restored a little of the self-worth I lost, he made me feel wanted and desired. He helped me release the majority of the anger and hurt that I felt towards you Christian. I know, without a doubt, that if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be sitting here – deciding to work on our marriage. That watching us made you realize how I felt watching you and Allyson together" I pause again and his eyes are solely focused on the ring I have returned on his finger

"Christian, please look at me?" I wait and wait… then eventually he slowly lifts his eyes and looks into mine; blue to grey. I take a deep breath because I know without a doubt that he is going to fight me on this – I also know from his earlier confession that he is afraid that Richard is going to take me from him, but that will never happen. The only man I will ever love this hard and this much is my husband.

"I need you to understand that I owe it to him to explain everything about us working on our marriage. The last time I seen him I was horribly distant, I was scared because I had just found your ring and after reading your email I knew that you had watched us – I just wanted to get out of there. I have to thank him for what he did for me Christian. Please understand that I am not interested in continuing any kind of romantic or intimate relationship with him. That I am going out to dinner with him as his friend?" I implore him to see reason, to understand why this is so important to me? I know in my heart that I wouldn't be even considering working things out with Christian had I not met Richard. I maintain eye contact with Christian as he stares into my eyes with the blankest expression and I'm left wondering just what is going through his mind.

* * *

"Christian please look at me?" I cannot tear my gaze from the ring she just returned to my finger. She still wants me? I don't even remember dropping my ring, to be honest until a few seconds ago I didn't realize that it wasn't on my finger. Listening to her talk about her encounter with the _good _doctor was really difficult, but she's right – without witnessing her being intimate with him, we wouldn't be here, in the process of fixing the shit I created. With that thought running through my mind I eventually manage to look into Ana's beautiful eyes and I can see her sadness but also her apprehension, I'm left wondering what she is afraid of?

"I need you to understand that I owe it to him to explain everything about us working on our marriage. The last time I seen him I was horribly distant, I was scared because I had just found your ring and after reading your email I knew that you had watched us – I just wanted to get out of there. I have to thank him for what he did for me Christian. Please understand that I am not interested in continuing any kind of romantic or intimate relationship with him. That I am going out to dinner with him as his friend?" She wants to go out with him, to thank him? I'm just supposed to be okay with my wife going out with someone she's slept with? How would she feel if I asked to go out to dinner with Allyson?

_She'd bitch slap you into next week you moron. Just remember that she has returned the ring onto your finger, she just wants to tell him that you guys are working things out face to face; you have to trust her instincts and her judgement because if you don't, things will never be the way they were!_ I know my inner voice is right but it doesn't make it any easier to handle, or accept. I am still looking into Ana's worried eyes. I take a deep breath and take her left hand in mines. My thumb brushing over the empty space where her rings should be.

"W-where are your rings Ana?" I ask my voice gruff as I squeeze the words past the lump in my throat. She lift's her gorgeous behind off the couch and digs deep into the back pocket of her flattering jeans, then places her engagement and wedding rings in my opened palm.

I bring my hand up to my lips, placing a kiss on my closed fist, and because my right hand is still bandaged from my encounter with the brick wall it's going to be hard for me to place her rings on her finger myself. I contemplate the best way to achieve this in my head for a few minutes. Then I decide that it's probably best if I place both rings onto the sofa, then pick her wedding band up with my left hand as Ana gently places her left hand in the palm of my right, it takes me a few moments to slip the ring on but I eventually I manage then I repeat the process with the engagement ring that I presented to her in the boat house of my parents' home. Once both her rings are back on her finger I use my left hand to bring hers to my lips and place a gentle kiss on her rings – we both have tears glistening in our eyes in this moment.

"Baby, you have no idea how happy I am to have my rings on your finger again." I swallow past the lump in my throat and run my thumb over her knuckles.

"I understand that you want to see Richard, and you have every right to want to see him. I am just so very glad that you are giving me this chance, this opportunity to get us back on track; I know we have a long way to go but we're one step closer to our goal – I will do everything in my power to earn back your trust" A few tears escape her eyes before she launches herself into my arms, I slowly wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly

"I love you Christian Grey. I love you more than I ever thought possible. But I just want to let you know that if you _ever_ do anything that remotely comes close to being unfaithful to me again – I will personally castrate you, and I will not hesitate in filing for a divorce instantaneously" I close my eyes and release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I know baby, I know. You don't have to worry about that because I have learned my lesson, I will never betray you again, I swear to you Ana. I know what it's like to lose you and I never want to feel like that again" Ana sits herself in my lap and places soft wet kisses on my neck. I close my eyes and revel in the fact that I have her in my arms once again.

"I want you Christian, I want to feel you – all of you inside me" She whispers into my ear before biting and sucking on the lobe. I gasp as the sensation travels instantly to my groin as dick twitches in response. Her scent engulfs my senses and I feel like I am finally home! Ana pulls away from me and takes my face in her arms.

"Christian, I am going upstairs" She smirks at me "I'll expect you to be in our bedroom in 20 minutes waiting on me! If you're not there then you will be _punished_" I can't believe what she just said, the last person to control me in a sexual manner was Elena – I vowed that I would never let someone else do the same but I can't deny the surge of desire that rushes to my groin, which gets so much worse when she licks her bottom lip then sinks her teeth into it.

Holy Fuck! She knows what she's doing in goading my limited self-control right now.

She runs her hands through my hair, pulling it roughly and sweetly nips and sucks around my neck, all the way back to my ear.

"What do you say Christian? Do you want me; can you play this game?" I can feel her smirk against my skin and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I want to play this game with _her _and only _her_. I trust Ana, I know she won't hurt me or abuse her position of power like Elena did.

"I'm _waiting_ for an answer Mr Grey, you must remember that I am not a patient woman" She says in a dangerous sing-song voice, reminiscent of the many times I've told her of my lack of patience when it comes to her.

"Baby, you have no I-d-e-a how hot for you I am right now!" Ana grinds her hips against my erection and laughs

"Oh I think I have _some _idea Mr Grey. Don't keep me waiting" I hear the dark threat in her implication as she slides herself from her position in my lap. She doesn't look back as she leaves the family room. I can't believe what's just happened. For the first time in a really long time I feel optimistic, and dare I say there's a possibility of light at the end of the dark tunnel I've travelled for the last year. I wait for about five minutes and head upstairs to wait on _my _Ana in _our _bedroom. I loved that she used the term 'our' in her instructions. I have a feeling that the next fifteen minutes will be the longest minutes of my entire life

* * *

**_A/N: Finally after 31 chapters of angst we are dare I say getting a sliver of happiness? How do you think Christian is going to handle the bottom position, do you think he'll be able to control himself after eight long months of not being with Ana, or should I say 'in' Ana? And how do you think Ana will cope with being in control of their first encounter in the bedroom after all of this time?_**

**_ I hope that you guys are enjoying the direction that this story has taken, but I have to remind you of the tidbit of information of a major twist that I told you at the beginning of this story. Just keep that in mind._**

**_That is all and I apologize for the cliff hanger I left you with last night and for the cliff hanger that I am leaving you with now. I updated so frequently before because I had over 22 chapters written at the start of this story and then I changed direction a little bit and now I'm basically posting as I go which is why the updates aren't so frequent. But as it is the weekend I have four days to write, write, write! I only have classes on a Wednesday, Thursday & Friday! So I am free for four days per week =^.^= _**

**_I shall try my best to get the next chapter out tonight as it is only 5.48pm here so I should manage to write another chapter lol! Emphasis on 'should'!_**

**_Keep reading & reviewing and thank you for all your continued support! _**


	33. Chapter 33: Topping from the bottom!

**All rights belong to E. L. James, story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

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I shift myself off his lap and leave the family room; I find it really hard not turning my head around to get one last look at him. I take the stairs two at a time and run into our bedroom. I grab the bag that I'd hidden when I got back from the hospital after having Olivia. I remember how heartbroken I was because I realized that I'd never get to wear it for him, I cried so hard that day. I shake those thoughts, grabbing my shoes, make-up and hairbrush and quickly leave our bedroom.

I'm standing in front of the mirror in one of our guest bathrooms and I feel sexy. I am wearing a red corset that fastens at the front; my breasts are thrust together and upwards, giving me wonderful cleavage. I am also wearing a black and red lace garter belt and black silk stockings with lacy tops. I have on bright red panties to match the corset and my favourite Laboutine 6 inch heals – the same pair of heels I wore the night I went to Escala.

I apply more make-up than I usually wear and tip my hair upside down and brush it, then shake it and lift my head back up – after doing so, my hair is sitting in full voluptuous waves tumbling and curling at my breasts. I check my watch and the twenty minutes are almost up but I decide to leave him to stew for a little while longer, raising the stakes of anticipation in our little game. I wrap myself in my black silk thigh length robe and check on each of our children as I head back to our bedroom.

I pause at the doorway and take a deep breath. I never thought for a moment that Christian would agree to this, that he would let me be in control. I am extremely nervous and for a few minutes I lose my nerve.

_This is what you've wanted since you met him – take the bull by the horns, or rather take Christian by the balls and have your wicked way with him. _I know my inner goddess is correct. So I slip my robe off my body and leave it lying on the floor outside our bedroom door. I steel myself as I turn the handle, excited at the prospect of Christian in the submissive position in nothing but his boxer briefs.

* * *

I enter our bedroom and my cock is uncomfortable within the confines of my jeans. I decide not to strip or sit in the submissive position because I need her to do this to me… to do this for me, but I don't know how she is going to react. I debate between the two options for a long time and I wonder why she hasn't come for me yet; it has to be over twenty minutes by now and I'm starting to panic, thinking that she's changed her mind. I know that I couldn't cope with that. I take a seat on the bed and sit and wait – and I fucking loathe waiting. After what seems like an eternity the door handle creaks and Ana, my beautiful, sexy wife walks – my cock throbs as I take her in, good god! How the fuck am I supposed to stop myself from launching at her, ripping of those gorgeous panties off of her sex with my teeth? I get a censorious look as she takes in my state of dress and the fact that I'm looking into her eyes without her permission to do so, I know the rules.

"My, my, my Christian – you have been a very naughty boy, haven't you? I don't remember giving you permission to look at me?" Oh sweet Jesus. I think I'm going to come without her even touching me. Her breasts are pushed up and together making me long to lick my tongue down the line of her cleavage. She moves closer to me, taking my hair in her hands and pulling harshly on it; adding to my arousal.

"I won't ask twice Christian…" I avert my gaze from her and stare at an invisible piece of lint on the floor and prepare to answer her.

"Yes I have been a naughty boy. I am sorry for not answering you straight away, Madame" I say, trying to sound contrite but I am having a hard time to contain my amusement

"Get naked… slowly" She adds in a seductive voice, breathy from her desire. I stand up and undo the buttons of my shirt, I make to unbutton my pants and Ana holds up her hand to stop me.

"Allow me Mr Grey." She walks over to stand in front of me, I can smell her scent and all I want to do is feel my hands on her skin, to feel the walls of her sex ripple as she takes in my length. She flutters her lashes as she looks up at me. I gasp in shock as her hand strokes over my length on top of my pants. I groan in pleasure and frustration.

"Hmm, it seems like you're happy to see me Christian" She giggles as she repeatedly strokes my length. I feel like I am holding onto the ledge of my impending orgasm and I'm not sure if I will be able to hold on for much longer. Just as I am about to fall over the edge, she stops touching me and undoes my pants, pulling them and my boxers down my legs at once, allowing my erection to stand free.

Ana kneels down in front of me, removing my socks and shoes before standing back up at me and placing a kiss upon my lips, the kiss is neither romantic nor gentle; it's an aggressive kiss, biting and sucking on my lips. I kick my pants off my ankles as Ana takes a hold of my length in her hands – skin to delicious skin. I grit my teeth again to stop the impending orgasm and I moan and growl from deep within my chest.

"Lie back on the bed Christian" I obey her immediately, without hesitation. Once I am lying down Ana goes to the bottom of the bed and lets her eyes roam all over my body. She licks and bites her lower lip as she focuses on my erection. After a few minutes she crawls up on the bed, grabbing my ankles and pulling them apart; sitting on her knees in the space she made between my legs. She leans up and kisses over my abdomen, working her way up my chest – leaving wet, hot kisses all over my body. As she travels north, her sex rubs and brushes against my cock and I am hoping and praying that I can hold on and drag this on a bit. She straddles me, sitting on the tops of my thighs, so that my cock is right in front of her.

She slowly starts to unhook her corset painfully slowly; I am panting and so hot for her right now. Once the hooks are undone, she peels the corset from her body and I am rewarded with the sight of her larger breasts. I don't think they have ever been this size, having Olivia has made them so much bigger, but they're just as perky as before.

"Does this turn you on Christian? She asks as she strokes her hands across her breasts.

Oh. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

"Yes, very much so" I respond breathless. Her other hand makes its way down, down to her wet, inviting core.

"Tear my panties off Christian" I immediately obey, shoving my thumbs through the fragile lacy fabric and throwing the pantie scraps on the floor. She rocks her hips against my length as she tweaks and pulls at her nipples.

"Oh Ana, I … I need you. It's been so long and I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from coming" The words rush from my lips as she smirks down at me, pumping her hips against my length, now with more determination. She slowly trials one hand south, towards her sex and the other up her neck and into her hair. She circles her clitoris with her index and middle fingers moaning at the sensations that are running through her body.

"Ahh… ooh Ana, baby please I want to feel you on me, please" I shamelessly beg, halfway driven to the point of insanity. She reaches forward and grasps my throbbing aching erection and wipes her thumb over the tip, collecting the drops of moisture and inserting her thumb into her mouth – sucking on her finger. She grips me once again and with one hand holding me in position to enter her and the other bracing herself on my forearm, she slowly lowers herself on me and I growl and moan in delight.

"Oh baby, god! Your so fucking tight and wet!" I add breathless. I'm dying for her to move but she stays frustratingly still. My hips buck up, trying to get some much needed friction, she grasps my hips with her hands, stopping me from moving.

"Who do you belong too Christian?"

"You"

"I want to hear you say the words" She adds in a whisper, my mouth feels suddenly dry and my heart beats faster than ever before

"I belong to you Ana, I belong to you and only you!" I say with conviction, my voice portraying my desperation and my need for her. She groans and tips her head back as she rises all the way, so that only the tip of my member stays inside her before slamming herself back down again.

"Sit up Christian, sit up now" I automatically rise so that we are nose to nose. I sit cross legged as she wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my hips; holding me to her. Christ it feels so deep this way. She arches her back as she continues to rise and fall on me.

"Suck me Christian – suck my nipples. I need you to do that right now!" She states, her voice thick with desire. I'm only too happy to oblige baby. I lean my head down and take her left nipple into my mouth whilst tweaking the right with my thumb and index fingers. She calls out in delight, as the sensations rushing through her body intensifies.

We are both breathing heavily as we chase our mutual release.

"Touch me, Christian – touch me!" She says as I am sucking on her nipple. I take the hand that was tweaking her right and drag my fingers through her folds, massaging her clitoris with urgency.

"Shit Christian, don't stop – I'm so close!" As am I baby, your sex is twitching around me and I know it won't be long until I make you fall over the edge.

"You are amazing Anastasia – I love you so much, you complete me" I lean back down and start sucking on her nipple again and as I feel her walls contract I bite down hard on her nipple and she yells out

"Yesssss, fuck yes! Ughh!" As her orgasm rips through her sex, sending tingles all over her body, she contracts around me her which sends me into overdrive, I thrust up hard into her sex, three more times before I feel myself explode and pour myself inside her; we keep going, we keep thrusting, and rubbing out our mutual release.

I rest my forehead against hers and I feel calm and sated. She takes my face into her hands and gives me a beaming smile, so bright and warm that I have no choice but to join in.

"I love you Christian Grey" She states, placing a gentle sweet but demanding kiss upon my lips, her hands make their way into my hair as she tugs on it I feel myself harden once again. She pulls back from me and looks into my eyes smirking.

"Round two Mr Grey?" I can't help but smirk back at her. God that felt so good.

"I always want another round with you Mrs Grey!" I respond with a wink. She pulls me on top of her and we lose ourselves in each other once again.

* * *

**_I hope you have enjoyed this chapter, was it hot enough for you guys? I hope you stick with me for the rest of this journey, but right now I am off to have a date with COD: Black Op's II _**

**_Remember my PSN is xsuziebabyx if you fancy a game ^.^_**

**_Love S. xoxo_**


	34. Chapter 34: Finding the new me

**All rights belong to E. L. James, story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

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"I'm always ready for another round for you Mrs Grey" He responds with a wink – it was so utterly thrilling being in control of our first sexual encounter since all this shit happened. But I want him to do what he does best and that mean's him being in complete control. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me. I can already feel him hot and hard, pressing into my belly. He settles in between my legs and looks up at me, his eyes twinkling with sheer delight.

"Ana, oh baby – you are so sexy, you're just fucking perfect in every way. I love how these have gotten so much bigger" He smirks at me as he cups both my breasts in his strong, skilled hands and starts massaging them. I moan loudly as the sensation spreads through my belly and stabs, hot and hard in my groin. He has his forearms at either side of my head, pressing me into the mattress with his weight. He softly places his lips upon mine and starts a slow, erotic dance with our tongues, which increases in speed and intensity as he continues to kiss me. I am panting and feeling a rush of moisture rush between my thighs.

"Oh Mrs Grey, I love you so much – you mean everything to me! I need you baby, like I need air to breathe" He says as he looks deep into my eyes.

"I love you too Mr Grey, just every bit as much as you love me" I add, caressing his dear face with my hand. He closes his eyes and leans into my palm. When he reopens them, his pupils have dilated so much that the grey of his irises almost disappears completely. He nuzzles his face into my breasts and envelops my nipple in his warm, wet and inviting mouth. I arch my back, thrusting them forward, as desire rushes through my veins. He starts to kiss my neck, down the valley between my breasts, slowly heading south. I fist my hands in the sheets as I try to buck my hips up against him, hoping to relieve some of the throbbing ache but he holds me down by my hips – not allowing me an inch of purchase.

"Slow baby, I want you slow –"I gasp for breath as his words inflame my need for him even more. He resumes kissing his way down my body, circling my navel with his tongue, leaving small nips and sucks as he goes. He scoots back on his knees and lifts my right leg, kissing the pad of my big toe and grazing it with his teeth, running his tongue along my instep, trailing kisses up to my knee then placing my leg over his shoulder then repeats the process with my left. He continues to kiss his way up my left inner thigh, stopping before he reaches its apex and gives my right the same treatment. He looks up at me wickedly before burying his nose in my sex and inhaling deeply.

"Oh Anastasia, you smell divine. I don't know how I've survived this long without this; it's truly an intoxicating scent. He places his hands underneath my behind, squeezing my cheeks as he lifts me closer to his ardent mouth. I gasp and groan as he circles my clitoris with his nose then licks and sucks his way through my core. I feel myself going higher and higher and I know that I'll come just as hard and just as fast as I did before. He flicks his tongue quickly over the hard nub of nerves in my sex and I clench my teeth. He stops his ministrations and I open my eyes to protest. He smirks up at me and licks his lips

"Oh baby, you taste so fucking good. I am the _only _man who has tasted you here!" I groan and grab handfuls of his hair to push his face back into me, back onto me. Just as I'm about to free-fall into a healing, toe-curling orgasm he stops and removes my legs from his shoulders and spreads them wide. He inserts his index and middle finger inside me and I feel myself quiver in delight. I smirk when I hear him suck in a breath through his clenched teeth when he feels just how ready I am for him.

"Ana, you're so fucking wet! Does that feel good baby?" I moan my agreement but I know he wants me to say it.

"Open your eyes Ana, I want to see and hear you!" I reluctantly open my eyes and stare into his as he pumps is two fingers in and out, in and out – then circles them, pulling and stretching me.

"Tell me baby; tell me that you want it, that you want me?"

"Fuck, yes. It feels good, I want it, and I really fucking want you!" I shout, getting frustrated that he's using enough force to get me hot but not enough to tip me over the edge. I watch him grin salaciously as he pop's his wet, slick fingers out of me and into his mouth, sucking my glistening arousal off. He moves back up my body, kissing, nipping and sucking at both my nipples on the way back up before crushing his lips against mine. I could still taste myself off of his lips and tongue which inflamed my need for him even more.

He sits back on his heels and wraps my legs around his waist, positioning himself at my entrance that is pulsing, wet and wanting him and only him. He inserts the tip fractionally, teasing and taunting me just as I did to him. He leans over me, placing his forearms back beside either side of my head, his hands make their way into my hair as he looks deeply into my eyes, placing delicate kisses on and around my neck and mouth.

"I love you Anastasia Grey" He says my name in reverence.

"As I you Christian. I love you so much" My eyes start tearing up as I feel our love magnified in its purest form. He leans down and catches a stray tear with a kiss and slowly fills me. I gasp and his tongue gains purchase in my mouth. He pulls back and renters me equally slowly but hitting all the right spots. He softly murmurs in my ear, declaring his undying love for me and with those thoughts running through my head, I feel the orgasm that's been building for the last eight months wash over me in a healing, cathartic rush of pure pleasure. His mouth settles over mines as he absorbs the cries that come from deep within my chest. He continues to chase his release and each thrust takes the edge off of the need I feel for this man, my husband, my fifty shades. He stills and pours himself inside me once more. I wrap my arms around his back, holding him to me, still inside me. I feel the tears dripping onto my skin from his eyes as he cries, for all the pain that he caused us. He apologizes repeatedly and I don't say a word, I don't need to. I just rhythmically stroke his back as he buries his face in my neck – letting him feel every ounce of love that I have always gave him. Eventually his cries subside and he turns us onto our side, he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me back into his chest.

I'm a new me, I'm stronger and and have come to discover throughout this chapter in my life that I can adapt to any situation. But one fact remains the same as it always has, I'm Mrs Christian Grey – and when he's with me; I'm home.

* * *

**I know this one is short but I felt like I needed to complete Ana's transformation in finding herself again - finding the woman who loved Christian more than anything but regained the core strength that she has gained through her independence and separation from him.**

**I hope you liked this chapter, and as always you guys rock in your constant support and reviews - I know it's cliched to say this but I honestly didn't expect that this story would gain this level of success this fast. I am up there on the first page when sorting by reviews and all of that wouldn't be possible without you guys. Please continue to read and review, every morning before I do anything else, even before my first dose of caffeen I check my emails to read your thoughts on the previous chapter lol :)**

**I want to allow C&A to have a little happiness before my planned shit storm takes place, and in the words of my favorite fictional serial killer**

**'Let the games begin'**

(_the first person who know's what movie that quote is from will get a sneak peak at the upcoming drama!)_

**- Susie, xoxo**


	35. Chapter 35: Fantastic?

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

I awaken curled around Ana, my head cuddled into her back, and my arm wrapped around her waist and my hand cupping her breast. I sigh heavily, and slowly open my eyes, seeing my beautiful wife's hair fanned out on her pillow and my heart soars. It was real, all of it happened. I prop myself up on one elbow and move her hair away from her neck. I'm still sporting my morning glory so why not make the best of it? I start to lightly massage the breast that I have been cupping in my sleep and place small, wet and soft kisses on the back of her shoulder and up the exposed side of her neck. I inhale her sweet scent and I feel myself harden even more.

"Hmm, that feels good"

"It's supposed to baby, but good isn't _good _enough, I want to make you feel fantastic" I hear her sleepy giggle and I smile against her skin. I tweak her nipple and hear her gasp, then trail my hand lower, passing over her stomach and settling on her thigh, which I pull back and hook it over my body. I then cup her sex and suck a breath sharply through my teeth when I feel how soaking wet she is already.

"Oh baby, baby, baby; you're so fucking wet!" I whisper in her ear, and then graze the lobe with my teeth. I start thrusting two fingers inside her soaking sex, pumping in and out slowly and Ana meets my hand thrust for thrust, softly moaning at the sensations spreading throughout her body.

"Does this feel good baby?" I ask in a quiet but seductive voice

"Mmm more like_ fantas..tic_" I smile against her skin as I place more wet kisses on her neck.

"Do you want me to make you come like this?" I ask as I continue to thrust my fingers in and out as they stroke against her front wall; which is clenching in delight.

"No, I want this –" She reaches back between her legs and grasps my throbbing erection and uses just the right amount of pressure as she moves her hand up and down my length "–Inside me Christian, that's what I want and need right now"

"As you wish Mrs Grey" She positions me at her entrance and in one swift motion I am buried deep within her inviting core, I suck another breath through my teeth as she rocks her hips against me, trying to get some form of friction and relief. I circle my hips as I slam into her, her moans and cries getting louder with each thrust.

"This is my favourite place in the whole world Mrs Grey; buried inside you. I feel you clenching around me and its fucking divine" I add in a breathless whisper.

"Oh god, you feel so good; I love when you're buried inside me too, it's the best feeling in the entire world" I speed up my thrusts as I feel that she is about to fall off the edge and I want us to come together.

"Don't come Ana, control your reactions" I smile at her answering groan!

"I can't hold on much longer!" She says between gasps and groans of pleasure. I love this feeling, this connection that I have with Ana; I was a fool to risk losing it. I feel myself tense and I know that I know that I'll come pretty soon. I grasp Ana's nipple with my thumb and forefinger and start to rub her clitoris, in a circular motion with my other hand, she's getting louder with each second and I suck on her ear lobe before whispering quietly

"Give it to me baby, come!" I feel her sex clench so fucking tight around my length – all I feel is her warmth surrounding me in the most intimate way. I thrust another twice before whispering her name over and over as I pour my release inside her.

I fold my arms around her and hold her tightly, still buried deep inside her and kiss her neck over and over. She turns around, breaking out intimate connection and looks up at me with those gorgeous eyes.

"Well, that is what I call a _fantastic _wake-up call!" Then kisses the tip of my nose, I smile down at her lovingly and I feel so happy right now. I know that we have a very long and hard road ahead of us but as long as she loves me and I love her, we'll get through it.

"I love you so much; I feel like I'm on cloud nine right now" I add with a loving smile. Ana tilts her face up to me and places a sweet kiss upon my lips, but as always with Ana and I, that's never enough and I deepen the kiss. We're both breathless and turned on again by the time we pull our lips apart. I am rewarded with her wonderful giggle – three days ago I didn't think I'd ever hear it again.

"What's wrong Christian?" She frowns at me and her adorable 'v' forms between her eyebrows, which I cure with a kiss

"That's still so soft to kiss Mrs Grey" and I kiss it again.

"Christian, remember we're supposed to be communicating? Whatever you were thinking about a moment ago, you looked so sad; please talk to me?" I run my knuckles down her cheek and kiss her lips one more time.

"I was thinking about how much I still love your giggle, and that" I frown and take a deep breath "that three days ago I didn't think you'd ever giggle for me again" She reaches up and caresses my cheek, feeling the stubble that has grown since last night.

"Well, as long as we keep working on our marriage and our own issues, I think we'll be okay, because underneath all the bullshit we have a wealth of love for each other"

"Fair point well-made Mrs Grey!" She giggles at me again and I can't help but roll on top of her and start blowing raspberries on her neck.

"Christian! Stop!" she giggles and snorts at me and I have absolutely no intention of stopping

"Nope, I'm having fun playing with you Mrs Grey" I pin her arms above her head and continue to torture her.

"Daddy, I want play too!" SHIT! Gracie pulls herself onto our bed and Ana and I are both naked under these covers. What the hell are we supposed to do? Ana can't stop giggling at the expression of sheer terror that is probably all over my face!

"Gracie, I have a wonderful game that we can play, but I need you to help me okay?" Ana whispers to Grace, who nods excitedly

"Okay, you ready?"

"Yeah momma, I ready!"

"You have to find mommy a t-shirt then bring it over" Gracie hops off the bed and runs into the closet, about two minutes later she hands Ana a simple blue tank top.

"Now what me do momma?"

"Go find daddy some… shorts!" Gracie giggles delighted at the excitement in Ana's voice. She runs off again and Ana slips the t-shirt over her head. She comes running out of the closet and hands me the shorts, feeling super pleased with this game.

"Wow… how did you find those?" I ask, trying to sound astonished.

"I reeeeeally smart daddy" she taps her index finger on her temple and Ana and I have to stifle our laugh!

"What now?" Gracie asks jumping up and down on the spot.

"Go find mommy some… Sweatpants?" She takes off again and I slip the shorts on – at least I can get out of the bed now.

"I can't believe that just happened, how long you think she was standing there Ana? I was just about to have my wicked way with you… again." I whisper at her, sitting on top of the duvet now that I am decent.

"Here momma! I finded thems" Ana gasps as she takes them out of Gracie's little dimpled hands.

"Wow you are just so super smart Gracie girl! I have one more job for you; do you think you can do it?"

"YEAH!" Gracie squeals!

"Okay, you have to go into the closet and find mommy some… socks!" She takes off again to hunt down the socks whilst Ana puts the sweat pants on, covering her gorgeously scrumptious Ass. Once she has them on she throws the covers back and sits up. Gracie comes back and hands her the socks, Ana stands up and scoops Gracie into her arms and starts smothering her face with kisses.

"Was that a fun game?" Ana asks her, and Gracie nods with a beaming smile.

"Yeah, I wana play that again" Ana sets her down on her feet and as soon as they touch the ground she takes off.

"How the hell does she have that much energy at" I turn to look at the alarm clock "6:50am?" Ana shakes her head incredulous as she stands up

"I have no idea Mr Grey, let's get moving! You go wake the heir to the Grey throne and I'll gather our little princesses" I walk over to stand before her; I wrap my arms around her waist and nuzzle my face in her neck, leaving a wet, lingering kiss on her beautifully soft skin. I pull back from her and look into her eyes

"Baby, you are an amazing mother. Our children are so lucky to have you"

"They're also lucky to have a father like you too Christian!" I look away from her and I can't help the snort that follows her remark.

"Hey, look at me!" I cautiously return my gaze to hers and she grabs my face in her hands.

"Listen to me Grey, you are a wonderful father – you made one mistake with Teddy, and you're going to have to try and put it behind you or you'll never get over it! So turn that frown upside down and go wake your son!" She kisses my lips and we leave our bedroom to go wake Olivia and Ted.

* * *

Christian has just went off into Teddy's bedroom to waken him whilst I am checking on Olivia, who is still sound asleep – I creep back out of her nursery and softly shut the door. I have her monitor in my hand so I'll take that downstairs when we go to eat.

Gracie comes barrelling down the hall yelling about nothing and I scoop her up as she tries to swerve past me.

"Hey missy, stop yelling you'll wake Liv, and she'll be a big grump all day long!"

"Otay momma, I sorry" She whispers, it's really hard not to giggle at her, she's so adorable. I head downstairs and Gail has my cup of tea ready, along with breakfast.

"Good morning Ana, and you too Miss Grey" She says as she takes Gracie from my arms. If there's one person that Gracie loves, excluding her daddy and I, it's her GG.

"Someone's like a little energizer bunny today" Gail says as she kisses her forehead, and sits her down into her booster seat at the table. I walk over to where our food is sitting in serving dishes and take some eggs and pancakes for Gracie, minimal syrup; I learned that lesson the hard way, hair plus syrup is a bad combination. I cut up her food and sit it in front of her along with plastic fork and knife, with her temper I don't want any accidents resulting in Teddy losing an eye. Gail gives her a Sippy cup of OJ and I grab myself some fresh fruit and a blueberry muffin along with my tea.

I'm half way through eating my breakfast when Teddy walks into the kitchen looking like the un-dead.

"Good morning baby boy" I smile up at him and I only get a small smile back

"Morning mommy, I don't feel so good" he rasps as he takes a seat. I get up and grab him a glass of orange juice and hand it to him feeling his forehead.

"You feel like you have a fever sweetie" He's burning up and shivering. I hate it when my babies are ill. I feel so… so utterly useless.

"I feel cold"

"Gail can you pass me a bottle of water and the junior Tylenol please?" Gail heads into the medicine cupboard, hands me the Tylenol, and the little spoon that's included. Christian walks into the kitchen and sits down at the table

"Teddy, I know this is really yucky but it'll make you feel better okay baby?" He nods at me like he really doesn't care as long as it makes him feel better. I give him his OJ to hold in his hand for a drink to take away the awful taste. I measure it out and give it to him, his little face scrunches up and he takes a big gulp of the juice.

"Ted, do you want to watch a movie in mommy's bed?" Christian asks.

"Only if you both stay with me" Teddy answers in a small voice, then looks from me to his dad and back again. Christian gives me a slight nod and I can't help but smile.

"Sure baby boy, we'll both stay with you if it'll make you feel better?" He wraps his arms around my waist and I run my hands through his copper locks. He looks so much like his father.

"Come on buddy, let's get you back upstairs!" Christian lifts Ted into his arms and walks out of the kitchen. Normally when one of the kids are sick I stay at home and Christian goes to work, so for him this is a huge step of progress. I think he appreciates his family time a lot more than he used to. It's going to be weird going back to work in a few weeks' time, I am looking forward to it but I can't deny that working from home has had its advantages.

I'm just heading into Gracie's room to get her dressed when Olivia wakes up, she's just gurgling happily so she'll be alright for a few minutes.

"What do you want to do with your hair today baby girl?"

"Uh oh" I swoop down and grab her as she tries to make her escape, and immediately starts screaming, and wriggling. After five minutes of struggling Christian pops his head through the door.

"Um, Ana?"

"What?" I snap at him because I am stressed out dealing with the little female version of him.

"Why are you trying to murder our daughter?"

"I'm not murdering her, although if she doesn't quit this behaviour I'm going to take it into consideration!" He looks slightly uncomfortable with my un-veiled threat.

"What are you… trying to do?" I have an uncontrollable urge to throw the hairbrush at him but that would only lead to him deflecting it, ergo hitting me; damn him and his reflexes!

"Trying to do your spawns hair!" I'm really starting to get breathless.

"Daddddddyyyy save meeeeeee"

"Come on honey pie, do you want daddy to do your hair?" Gracie's master weapon for her father is crying, calling on him and pouting. I give up on getting her dressed too; Christian can also have the pleasure of that! I'll admit that my thoughts sound somewhat petulant.

"Yeah" She nods, and stops wriggling enough to put her down and runs into her father's arms. He scoops her up and starts to do her hair whilst she giggles at him; I am standing, gaping at them both.

"Maaaaaamamamaa" I freeze, and look at the baby monitor sitting on top of Gracie's dresser.

"Did she just say what I think she just said or did I imagine it?" Christian asks smiling.

"I think she said it but I'm not sure" I decide to wait another few moments to see if she says it again as she isn't crying. Gracie is sitting on Christian's lap playing with his blackberry whilst he tries to sort her unruly hair into a ponytail. Now I know his secret weapon – distraction! With me it's always sex, with Gracie its technology!

"Mamamamamamama" I squeal!

"Yup, she said it!" I head into her nursery and she's sitting up rubbing her little eyes.

"Good morning princess, come here" She holds her arms up to me as I lift her from the crib, she's still a little flushed but isn't as grouchy. I take her downstairs and get a bottle of warm milk, and then head back up. I pop my head in Gracie's room, her hair is done, but she's not dressed, and is busy playing with her stuffed animals quite happily so I leave her be and head over to our bedroom. Christian is sitting in bed with Teddy and their talking quietly so I stand at the door and listen.

"So are you living here all the time now dad?"

"Well, I don't know for sure yet, but I do know that I'll be sleeping here more often okay?"

"I missed you when you weren't here daddy and I know mommy missed you too!"

"What makes you sure she missed me?"

"Well, I already told you that she cried all the time, remember? Plus when she used to put us to bed sometimes she'd come and get us in the middle of the night and we'd wake up in this big bed and mommy said that she missed having someone to cuddle – and that meant that she missed cuddling you dad" I feel awful that Teddy knew I was crying all the time, I guess he figured out more than I'd thought initially. He's such a sensitive little boy, I can't help but smile.

"I missed mommy just as much as she missed me, maybe even more, let's start the movie!" I wait for a few minutes and walk into the bedroom, Christian and his mini-me are snuggled up under the covers watching home alone, I loved that movie as a kid. I used to watch it with Ray, and then get a lecture about the dangers of actually doing what Kevin does. I settle down at the other side of Christian and he wraps his arm around me and kisses Olivia's forehead. After a few moments of quiet Gracie comes into the room and pulls herself up on the bed. She settles down and by the end of the movie, all three of our babies are sleeping soundly. Olivia is snuggled on Christian's chest and I can't help but feel happy and warm inside. Christian turns to look at me and leans over Gracie to kiss my lips.

"Aren't they adorable when their asleep?" He whispers to me then yawns.

"Yep, aren't they just?" I smile at him.

"I think I might just take a little nap too Mrs Grey!" Go ahead, I have some stuff that I need to take care of in the office, do you want me to put Olivia in her crib?

"No she'll be fine sleeping on my chest."

"Okay" I slip from the bed and tiptoe out of the room. Once I settle in my desk chair I open the email from Richard and contemplate on how to respond.

* * *

_**Hope you guys are still enjoying everything. How do you think Ana and Christian are handling trying to get back to normal, and what should Ana say to Richard at their dinner? I love hearing your suggestions ;) Excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes, if you find any let me know lol!**_

_**- Love Susie, xoxox**_


	36. Chapter 36: This wont be easy

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I stare at the blank email message trying to think what to say, and how to say it. On one hand I don't want to lead him on by being flirty or overly friendly, and on the other hand I don't want to be curt or professional! I'm trying to work out a balance between the two.

**From:** Anastasia Grey  
**Subject: RE: You!**  
**Date:** 26th August 1.19pm  
**To:** Richard Harper

Hi Richard,

Thank you for your lovely email. Unfortunately I am unavailable on Wednesday, but I can see you tonight. Would that be alright? Don't worry about reservations; I will take care of that if tonight suits you?

Ana

Anastasia Grey, CEO, Grey Publishing.

* * *

I don't have a clue what I'm going to say to the man. I feel awful, I shouldn't have slept with him – although if I hadn't, I know that Christian and I wouldn't be trying to work things out. Last night was… wonderful. I enjoyed my night with Richard, but it was purely healing for me and there are no residual feelings there. I was low, broken, and wounded; and Richard healed me. With a heavy heart I start to read through the countless work emails I have received and my head starts to throb at the mere thought of addressing them all. A few moments into replying to one of them, my email pings.

**From:** Richard Harper  
**Subject: I look forward…**  
**Date:** 26th August 1.26pm  
**To:** Anastasia Grey

To seeing you tonight, what time shall I pick you up? I have wonderful thoughts running through my mind right now and all of them involve you.

You're a stunning, wonderfully ravishing woman and I'm lucky to be sharing another evening with you.

Richard

* * *

My stomach free-falls as I read his email.

_He's not going to think you're 'Stunning, wonderfully ravishing' woman tonight! _My subconscious tut's whilst looking down at me from her spectacles. I try my best to ignore her and email Richard back.

**From:** Anastasia Grey  
**Subject: Time & Place**  
**Date:** 26th August 1.31pm  
**To:** Richard Harper

I have booked us a table at Brassiere Margaux for 6:45pm; I would rather meet you there.

Ana

* * *

I start to sort through my emails again and I'm just about done when Gracie comes toddling into my office rubbing her sleepy eyes.

"Momma, hug?" Her little voice husky with sleep. I hold out my arms and lift her into my lap. She snuggles into my chest and I run my hands through her hair to move it out of her eyes.

"Are you still sleepy baby girl?"

"Yeah"

"Is everyone else still asleep?"

"Mmhm" She states as her eyes close. I finish up the rest of the work that I needed to do with her curled up in my lap. I decide to go and check on the others with Gracie in my arms. I walk into the bedroom and go over to where Teddy is lying beside his father still sound asleep. I place my palm on his forehead and he's clammy and burning up. I softly start stroking his hair and talk softly to him to waken him up.

"No, I don't want to wake up! I don't feel good"

"I know baby but you need to drink something, and take more medicine then you can go back to sleep okay?" He starts crying, and my Teddy never cries.

"Oh sweetie, if mommy could take it away I would but the medicine will start to make you feel better soon! I'm just going to go get it from downstairs okay?" He nods as he sobs into his dads side.

"Christian, you need to wake up" I kiss his forehead and slowly his beautiful grey eyes open.

"What, what's wrong baby?" He asks sleepily.

"Teddy's really not feeling good, can you keep him company whilst I go downstairs to get him something to drink" I look down at Teddy and Christian notices immediately that he's crying.

"It's okay sport, mommy will get you some more medicine" I take Gracie back down stairs and hand her over to Gail. I grab the Tylenol from the cupboard and the spoon, and then get some fresh apple juice and head back upstairs. Christian has laid Olivia down on the bed and has Teddy in his lap

"Ana, I'm going to call my mom he's soaking in sweat" Christian looks at me and I can tell how anxious he is, none of our children have ever been as sick as Teddy is right now. He's really ill.

Christian grabs his blackberry from the side table and dials his moms number

"Hi mom it's me… listen, when Teddy woke up this morning he had a fever so we gave him some Tylenol and kept giving him fluids, we got him in bed and he's just woke up, he's dripping with sweat, shivering and feels sick…um, I think it was around 7:30am…yeah, please?...okay…okay mom…thanks, I love you too."

"What did she say?" I ask anxious

"Give him more Tylenol and she's coming over right away, oh and I've to get an icepack to put on his forehead" I nod numbly at him as he gets up and heads out the room

"Oh, Christian – there is those 'Be cool' stick on cooling strips in the medicine cupboard, just ask Gail if you can't find them" I hand Teddy his apple juice then lift the spoon to his mouth. Usually I have to fight with Ted to get him to take any form of medicine but he just hasn't got the energy to even try.

"Mommy, can you get in beside me for a little while?" My heart just melts andI want to cry. I hate seeing my son like this. I lift Olivia out of the bed and carry her into the nursery the last thing I need is for her to catch this too. Once Christian comes back up I'll get him to give the girls their lunch and I'll lay with Teddy.

He comes back upstairs and passes me the cooling strip and I press it onto his forehead. I wash my hands then go wake up Olivia, usually she's very grouchy but she's had a nice long nap so she shouldn't be too difficult. I pass her over to Christian and put on another movie for Ted, I slip into bed beside him and pull him over so that I can cuddle with him. I coax him every so often to take a sip of his juice and I think the medicine and cool pack combo has brought his fever down a little bit.

A little while later Grace and Little Gracie come walking into the bedroom, she has her medical bag with her and sits beside Teddy.

"Hi buddy, daddy told me that you weren't feeling so good – can you tell me how you feel?" We're damn lucky to have a paediatrician in the family.

"I feel cold, but sweaty and my throat hurts" He rasps, Grace nods along whilst she inserts the thermometer into his mouth and listens to his chest, then looks at his throat

"I think you have a viral infection bud!"

"Is there anything you can give him to make him feel better Grace?"

"Most of the time the virus just has to run its course, just keep him taking fluids and medicine for the fever symptoms along with some cold yogurt or ice cream as it'll soothe the raspy, itchy feeling in his throat" I nod along and kiss Teddy's forehead.

"Oh baby boy I hate it when you're sick" I whisper to him.

"Would you like some yogurt or ice cream?"

"Some ice cream, just plain vanilla please?" I choke and smile at the same time, thinking how I'm Christian's one and only vanilla conquest.

Teddy falls asleep relatively quickly after devouring his bowl of ice cream so I head back downstairs to see Grace before she leaves.

"Thank you for dropping in to check on Ted, I feel so helpless. I'd take it away from him and have it myself rather than watch him be in pain"

"I know, I was the same with my three, you never understand it when people say that until you become a mother" She says with a smile. I love Grace like my own mother, she's a wonderful woman to be around. Christian and I walk her to the front door and we each receive a hug.

"Ana, I just want to say how happy I am that you and Christian are trying to work things out" I squeeze her that little bit tighter as tears spring into my eyes.

"I am too Grace, I missed him a lot more than I was willing to admit." She turns away and gets into her car, giving us a wave as she drives out onto the street.

"Christian, come sit down with me; I have something that I need to discuss with you" I see Christian's expression change from blissfully happy to scared stiff in a nanosecond. I take his hand and sit on the sofa with him.

"Remember how Richard emailed me last night." Christian nods warily

"Well, he was emailing me to confirm our arrangements for dinner tomorrow night" His grasp on my hand tightens as his eyes widen.

"Before you say anything let me finish, okay?" He stares at me for a long time before giving me a subtle nod to continue.

"I emailed him back saying that I was unavailable tomorrow but that I would go to dinner with him tonight, he asked to pick me up here but I told him that I'd meet him at the restaurant. I need to do this Christian so please try to understand – I owe him that much, by the tone of his emails I know that he very much wants to be in a relationship with me, and I have to let him down gently, face to face" Christians mouth is set in a hard line and he's breathing rapidly.

"Can't you just call him and tell him that we're working things out? I don't feel comfortable with you going out to eat with a man that's been… in your panties Ana!" Oh, hell no. Not going to happen.

"I will be seeing him tonight Christian. I have enjoyed my freedom so don't think you are going to come rushing back into my life and dictate who I am aloud to go out with, and what I'm aloud to do because it's not going to happen I can assure you of that" I snap at him, I can tell that he's taken back my assertive tone that I reserve for using at work.

"Well you're at least taking security with you Ana!" He mutters petulantly.

"I haven't had a security detail for months and that's not going to change any time soon. I don't want to fight with you, I love you and _only _you Christian. Please believe me when I say that you are all I want and need" He nods along obviously unhappy with this change of events.

_Yeah unlike you who get your kicks by cheating on your pregnant wife and beating random brunettes!_

As Christian and Gail are feeding the kids I go upstairs to change. I don't want to dress up too much because Christian would feel threatened by the fact that I _dressed up_ for someone other than him. I select a pair of black skinny jeans and a sleeveless mulberry linen shirt. I have my black blazer over the top and my trusted Laboutines. My hair is loose and wavy and I apply some mascara, and lip gloss. I pick up my purse and head back downstairs whilst everyone else is tucking in and stuffing their faces. Christian notices me and his eyes widen and his mouth pops open, creating a perfect circle shape.

"You look beautiful, Anastasia. You are my world, and I'll be waiting in our bed for you when you get home okay baby?"

"I love you so much Christian… so, so very much" I kiss his cheek, then his lips. Her wraps his arms around me, which always seem to gravitate to my ass, giving my cheeks a firm squeeze!

"I'll be waiting here for you Mrs Grey, always." I can't help but smile at my glorious husband. I really can't believe that we're back together, I am happy because I love him so. I turn around and jump into my R8 before speeding away into the night.

* * *

I pull up to the front of the restaurant and hand my keys to the valet. I am super excited to see Ana again, especially since…

_Don't go there. It's over, and has been for a very long time. You need to focus on Ana, she's good for you, and you're good for her._

I walk inside and give the name 'Grey' to the Maître d'. I am shown to a secluded booth in the back of the restaurant, it's nice and private – hopefully they serve chocolate lava cake.

"I'd like a bottle of Crystal please, on ice with two glasses" I say to the waiter he simply nods and goes to fetch my order. I can't stop thinking about that. I sigh happily and wait on the most beautiful woman I have ever met; she just radiates light and warmth. That Grey fucker was a fool to hurt her; I'd never do that to anyone especially as I know how it feels to be betrayed by the one person who you trust the most. The waiter opens the champagne with a flourish and I stop him from serving it until my date arrives.

I get lost in thoughts of Ana, and when I look up I see her walk up to the podium. I gasp as I take the sight of her in; the craziest thing is she doesn't notice how beautiful she really is. I watch every guy in the room stop and stare at her, and every girl scowls. She's a wonderful woman. The Maître d' leads her over to our table and I stand up as she approaches. She has the softest lips of anyone I've ever kissed, and I'm dying to feel them move against mine.

"Hi Ana, It's so good to see you again" I say whilst I pull her into my arms. I lean in to sample those lips but at the last second she turns her head so my lips fall on her cheek. Her reaction pulls me up short; I can't help the hurt expression that briefly flits across my face. I pull her chair back and let her take a seat. She seems odd and a little… uncomfortable maybe?

We both take our seats and I pour a glass of champagne for us both. I lift mines to my lips and take a slow sip, focusing on Ana's mesmerizing eyes.

"You look stunning this evening Anastasia" I have to stifle the groan that was about to rumble from my chest. Again, she looks momentarily uncomfortable, but I can also detect that she is breathing heavily; she still wants me that much is clear.

"Thank you Richard" She replies breathy and sexily then takes a slow sip of her champagne, obviously unable to hide the tremble in her hands. I'm a little worried to be honest, she doesn't seem herself.

"Ana, are you alright, you seem a little… distant?" Her brow furrows and she takes my hand in hers, she looks a little sad.

"That will be because I am being a little distant" Oh this can't be good. Please, don't say you don't want to see me anymore, I really fucking like you.

"Richard, I wanted to see you tonight, because I feel like I owe you a face to face explanation. I really enjoyed spending time with you"

'_Enjoyed' which is past tense. This is definitely not good!_

"Ana, what's going on? I really enjoy spending time with you too?" She leans across and takes my right hand in her left and my eyes glance at her hand, and the massive mother-fucking rock that has returned to her ring finger. I slowly lift my gaze back to hers and I can see that she is trying not to hurt me, that doing this is hurting her. She really is a wonderful woman.

"I think I understand now Ana. I take it Sunday's meeting with your husband went better than you expected it too?" I am really trying to keep the pain and disappointment out of my voice but I don't think I'm having much success?

"Richard, I am so sorry. I… I really didn't think that Christian and I had any hope of every reuniting" I squeeze her hand and give her a sad smile.

"It's okay Ana, don't worry about it. You deserve to be happy, just please don't let him break your heart again, you don't deserve that"

"I know" She whispers, looking like she might burst into tears. This woman is so broken, that husband of hers, he doesn't deserve her.

"Does he make you happy?" I ask and give her hand another reassuring squeeze; she nods her head and runs her bent index fingers under her eyes.

"Yeah, well before everything blew up – he's really trying and, well to be completely honest I love him with everything I have and we owe it to our children to at least try to make it work."

" I've always wanted a couple of kids; my ex-wife couldn't get pregnant, and she refused to even try IVF. She would just say 'Richard, nature has decided that I'm not supposed to be a mother and we need to respect that!" I shake my head and finish of the champagne at the bottom of the glass.

"Do you think… do you regret getting a divorce?" She asks in a quiet voice, looking at our joined hands that rest atop of the table, and then focuses her gaze back on mine.

"Every damn day!"

"What happened?" She flushes and looks at me with panic in her eyes, I can't help but chuckle at her adorable face.

"It's okay Ana, I don't mind telling you – who knows, it may help to talk about it!" I take a deep breath and decide to not go into the grubby details, just tell her the basic facts.

"I suspected that my wife was having an affair, so I told her that I was going away on business but I followed her, and caught her in the act" I sigh at the memory, it still hurts to think about her. She was everything to me.

"She begged and pleaded with me, she said that she would get help, she'd fix her shit and we could be happy again. I was just so angry, I didn't want to hear what she had to say, I wouldn't let her apologize or explain the situation and I filed for divorce about two weeks after I caught her. After the divorce was finalized I thought I'd get a sense of closure and that I'd start to feel better, but it never happened. By the time I realized that I made a mistake she was long gone. She moved away, not telling a soul where she was going. I tried to track her down but never made much progress with it"

"I'm so sorry, god I feel so much worse. I hope I haven't… made things worse for you. You're a wonderful man and I know that there is someone waiting for you to come along and sweep her off her feet" I can't help the automatic snort that makes itself known.

"That's how I understood exactly how you were feeling that night at my house. I hope that you find your happiness Ana, you deserve to be happy. If you ever need to talk, just call me and I'll be there. I hope we can still be friends" I add with a reassuring smile, when smiling is the last thing that I want to do right now. Ana stands up from the table as do I and she walks around and wraps me in her arms, tucking her head under my chin.

"You deserve your happiness to Richard" She whispers into my chest. I don't know how, but I have developed feelings for her and I know she feels it too. I just know it, but I am not a cheater and I doubt Ana is either, unfortunately for us, we both know how it feels to be on the other side of the fence.

I walk her outside of the restaurant after paying for the bottle of champagne that we each had one glass of. I gave it to the couple in the booth next to us, no point in wasting it. Ana hands over her ticket to the valet as do I and we wait in comfortable silence whilst he radio's to get our cars brought around. Ana's arrives first and good lord, she has a nice car.

"She's my baby" Ana whispers appreciatively.

"I bet she is" Ana hugs me one last time before getting in the car,

"It was nice to have a chat with you tonight, thanks for being… understanding about everything"

"I had a good time, drive safely" She nods and I close the door of her sexy car, then stand and watch her pull into the traffic until she disappears out of my sight.

As I drive home I can't stop thinking about the last encounter I had with the love of my life. I was so cruel and callous to her, I wish I could turn back the clock…

* * *

Well, I hope you enjoyed a brand new point of view – It was odd writing in my 'own' character's point of view, lol. How do you guys think Ana will be feeling after her dinner with Richard? What do you think happened between Richard and his ex-wife? And last but not least, how do you think Christian would have coped with not only Ana being out with Richard, but with two young kids and a sick Teddy bear? Next Chapter: *waggles eyebrows suggestively* 


	37. Chapter 37: Richards Pain

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

4 years earlier 2016 – Dr Richard Harper

* * *

I stretched languidly as I awaken in the guest bedroom. I hate sleeping in here, since I only ever sleep in here when she's being impossible to deal with. I don't know if it's because she's truly upset with being infertile or if it's because she just doesn't want to have the IVF treatment. I don't understand why she is refusing, I made no secret of the fact that I wanted children when I proposed marriage a little over eight years ago; we had a quickie wedding a few weeks later. Although we decided to wait a while to settle into our new life of a married couple, I didn't for a minute think that we'd still be childless seven years later, two of which have been spent actively trying to get pregnant.

Being in the business of gynaecology has its advantages, but apparently that doesn't mean jack shit when you're my wife. The only things that she has tried were the fertility drugs – and they didn't help her uterus, which is rejecting the impregnation process – if she had IVF, with a pre-fertilized egg we wouldn't have a problem getting pregnant. Whenever I try to discuss that fact she always sighs heavily and says,

'Mother nature has decided that I'm not supposed to be a _mother_, we need to respect that'

I mean the way that she says _mother, _it's like she's disgusted by the mere notion of a child. If she felt that way she could have just told me so when I proposed, I want a family – and evidently she does not. I guess that's when the sex stopped and the fighting started. All we ever do is argue, about silly inconsequential things, I think I may be harbouring some resentment towards her but I can't help but feel angry. I have always wanted a couple of kids, to spoil rotten, what's the point in a success if you have no one to share it with? I'm starting to think that's the only reason she married me was because I was successful and I had a lot of money at a relatively young age; working with Seattle's elite means that I get paid top dollar for the most basic of tasks – I have showered her with love, diamonds and a massive family home. She can have anything her heart desires, yet she won't even consider giving me the one and only thing that I have ever wanted.

For the last few weeks, I have had this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that she is having an affair; I am hoping and praying to be wrong. I have to know one way or another; I can't keep living like this, wondering where she is and who she's with, doubting everything she says to me. So I decided to tell her that I am away to a medical conference in New York, but really I am watching the house, waiting to see if someone comes over, or she runs off to meet whomever she's fucking around with. She didn't go out the door all day yesterday or today and I'm starting to feel very foolish for doubting her. I'm just about to pull away when she comes walking out the door. I feel myself harden at the sight of her.

_She's never dressed up like that for you since the beginning of your relationship _– my heart constricts as I think of what or rather _whom _she's dressing up for. She gets in the car that _I _bought her with the money that _I _worked hard for and I watch her drive off down the street. I let her get a little ahead of me. I feel like a fucking idiot for sitting in a rental car, with a cap slung low on my head so that she doesn't recognize me and staying at a hotel in the city instead of being at home, but evidently my instincts were right, she is having an affair and now all that's left to do is to find out whom it's with.

I follow her to some club in the Pike Place market district. I wait in the car for a little while because I can't risk her seeing me just yet – twenty minutes later I get out of the car and walk in. I order a beer at the bar and sit over at one of the tables at the very back of the club, where I can see all around the room. I spot my wife talking to who I assume is a member of staff, then sits at the bar alone. My stomach is in knots and I am so anxious – how could she to this to me, to us?

_Calm down, she hasn't done anything wrong yet! _

I feel my heart rate increase as an older man wraps his arms around her waist and kisses her cheek. She won't look up at him, she keeps her eyes down the entire time her speaks to her. He takes something out of his pocket and fastens it around her neck – the fuckers buying her jewellery? I have bought her thousands and thousands of dollars' worth of jewellery, why isn't that enough?

I feel the bile rise in my throat when I see him attach a chain to whatever he put around her neck, then tugs her into his arms, roughly grabbing her face and kissing her, she must be terrified, he must have some sort of hold over her and she's too scared to come and tell me!

_Or maybe she just like's it… rough? – _No! That's impossible; she wouldn't be into this sick and twisted shit! I focus my thoughts back on watching them as he leads her by the chain upstairs. I sit back and watch them enter room number four and wait for a little bit, I'm going to confront her about this, right fucking now! I am livid; I feel the anger bubbling deep down inside, but most of all I'm fucking heartbroken.

_Leave them long enough to get in a compromising position, otherwise she'll talk her way out of it, you know that she will._

I decide to finish the beer that I bought, I slam the bottle back down on the table and walk up the stairs, the door will probably be locked, but I work out and I'm in great shape, two or three kicks should suffice, I don't care what happens afterwards. I just want this to be done, to know beyond a doubt that she has done this to our marriage, I have loved her from the minute I met her, and I've given her everything I have. But it obviously wasn't good enough. I stand outside the door, and take a few deep breaths; my heart is beating so fast! I exhale through my nose and hit the door with every ounce of strength that I have, which makes the door bounce open so fast that it bangs off the wall and comes back at me and I have to catch it with my hand! Out of all the horrifying scenarios that my mind has concocted these last few weeks could not have prepared me for what I see before me. My beautiful, loving wife whom I adore, and would give my life's blood for is restrained, standing in a spread eagle position, stark naked and being hit with … a cane? Her expression, which was of pure pleasure prior to opening her eyes, drains of color.

"Richard, please – RED!" Red? What the fuck does that mean, I assume it is used to stop whatever was going on before I came in here because the blonde son of a bitch who was physically beating my wife starts to remove the restraints, and passes her a robe. I'm standing there, I know that my whole world has just ended, but I'm numb – I don't feel… anything. I expected to want to beat the shit out of that guy but as he walks past me he stops and looks, remorseful

"I assume you're either her husband or boyfriend and I specifically state that I only want a single, and available submissive, I am going to go complain to the management then take my business elsewhere. I am truly sorry, I didn't know she was … involved" Then turns and walks out. I feel tears spring to my eyes as I look at the woman I call my wife; the first thing that comes to mind is the age old question.

"Why?"

"Richard, I'm sorry – please, I didn't mean for this to get so, so out of hand! I've resisted for years, I got out of the scene when I met you, you took me out of it and I… I just" Tears stream from her eyes.

"Is everything alright here Ma'am?" I turn towards the source of the voice and note that the burly security standing behind me.

"Everything's fine, can you please give us a moment alone?" The man nods at her and steps away, pulling the now broken door closed as best he can; it's funny the way your mind thinks about the strangest details when something traumatic happens. I focus on her face, her eyes downcast, just like before with him.

"Look at me," She slowly lifts her gaze to my own

"So you've always done…" I look around the room, then rest my eyes on her in disgust "This?"

"Don't look at me like that Richard, please don't look at me like I disgust you – I can't take it" The numbness that I'd initially felt finally passed and all I felt was rage. I rush forward at her and roughly grab her throat, and push her back into the wall, my breath coming laboured because of the adrenaline coursing through my veins

"So this is what you like, this excites you? Hmm?" I can see that it does, but I want conformation, I want to hear her say it.

"Fucking answer me? You want me to treat you like this?" I take my other hand and squeeze her cheeks; I know that I shouldn't be doing this, that no level of betrayal can warrant this kind of behaviour, except maybe that doesn't apply to a closet submissive wife who gets her kicks from being beaten.

"Do I turn you on doing this, treating you like this…? FUCKING ANSWER ME?"

"Yes, oh god yes!" I am flabbergasted. I lean in as if I'm going to kiss her, to know that this is what she likes, this is how she wants to be treated… I feel like I don't even know who she is. My lips are just hovering mere millimetres from hers and I whisper

"I have loved you from the moment I met you, I knew when I met you that I wanted you to be my wife, to have an affair is… almost unforgivable, but Allyson, you disgust me. You make me sick; the thought of being with some deviant like you makes me want to vomit, an affair I could have forgave and we could have moved on in time, but this" I let her go and motion around the room

I see the pain and hurt of my words in her tears, part of me wants to say sorry, to pull her into my arms and hold her, to comfort her, but it's a very small part. The larger part is still reeling from finding her doing all of this shit.

"This, what you do, what you like, it's unforgivable. I want a divorce" I hear her strangled sob and she wraps her arms around my neck

"Richard, please don't do this – I'm sorry, I'll do anything please don't leave me. I know I need to get help, and I will, I promise just please don't leave me" I put my hands around her forearms and out of habit stroke my thumbs back and forth on her skin. The tears are streaming down both our faces and I feel like I can't breathe. Her arms were like a vice grip around my neck, but eventually I managed to pry them off.

"It's too late. You're beyond help!" I forced the words past the lump in my throat, and turned away – I could hear her hysterical behind me but I kept walking, just to the car, just get in, just drive. The only thoughts running through my mind were; where do I go? What do I do now?

* * *

**Oooooooh ... what are your thoughts? What do you think is going to happen? Some of you guessed correctly, yes Allyson and Richard were married. They met a few months after Allyson stopped subbing for Christian the first time (Back when he was 23) If anyone is confused about the time line or anything else add a review, or send me a PM and I'll try my best to help with some clarification! **

**- Love Susie. xox**


	38. Chapter 38: Where I should be

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I watch as Ana drives away and I feel so very anxious. What if that doctor dipshit convinces her that I'll be a repeat offender, that he's better for her than I am? I don't think my heart could bear that. I head into our bedroom and make sure Teddy is alright, that virus is sure knocking him out. He's still pale, and a little clammy but not as bad as earlier. Olivia is due to be fed, she's getting a lot better at skipping night feeds when Ana isn't around but if her mommy is at home she won't have it, she point blank refuses the bottle. To be honest, I think Ana prefers to have that connection with her at bedtime.

I play with the girls for a little bit, well Olivia sits in my lap whilst we attend Gracie's tea party. She tried to give me another manicure but I politely declined. I head into the kitchen and Gail has made some chicken soup, so Gracie and Olivia have some downstairs whilst Gail takes a tray up for Ted. I am absolutely shattered, I don't know how Ana copes with this all day, every day and works in her in-house office at the same time?

Once the girls have finished their soup, Gail and I decide to bath the girls, Gail bathes Gracie first, and once she's in her PJ's, I bathe Olivia whilst Gail heats up her bottle. I am absolutely beat, so I decide that we all need to go to get into the big bed with Teddy to keep him company. I get into my PJ bottoms then get Gracie and Ted all tucked in, then wrap Olivia up in her blankie and give her the bottle that Gail prepared. It's not long before she's asleep, so I lay her on my chest and I'm fighting to stay awake. I look down at Gracie and Teddy who are also asleep and I feel a twinge deep in my gut. I try to keep the thought of Ana having sex with Richard right now out of my mind, but I I'm fighting a losing battle. Logically I know that Ana would never do that to me, it's just not her style and there's no way that she'd hurt me like that.

_Maybe she's fucking him right now to get back at you, wanting to hurt you like you hurt her!_

I shake those thoughts, Ana isn't vindictive. She wouldn't do that to our children; they have loved these last few days – back being a happy family. It's been wonderful. I know we have our next couple's therapy session this week, and we're supposed to write a letter to each other. I know what I want to say but it's hard to put those feelings into words. I'm not good with words and feelings – Ana however, is good at that stuff and I am terrified to read her letter. I look over at the clock and it's only 8:40pm, it feels way later than that. I am going out of my mind with worry thinking that he will convince her to get into a relationship with him and not me. I also know that he won't go away easily, I seen the chemistry they had together, they were sexually compatible too – plus with Ana, it's hard to get your fill, and one night isn't enough. I can feel myself start to doze off but I need to see Ana, I need to know beyond a doubt that we're still okay, that we're still working on our marriage. I close my eyes for a few seconds, intending to open them but I just can't. I'm too tired and I succumb to sleep.

* * *

I pull over a few miles away from the restaurant and succumb to my tears. I know that I don't love Richard, but I know that I obviously feel something, or I wouldn't be sitting here crying about him. What if I'm making the wrong decision? What if Christian gets bored or loses control in a few years' time and I'm back where I started? I can't help feeling like a complete bitch, he looked totally crushed when I turned away from his kiss. I am a terrible person. I sit in my car for god only knows how long, but eventually I wipe my eyes and pull into the flow of traffic.

I frown as I pull into the driveway, noting that there are no lights on downstairs, I look at my watch and it's only just gone 9pm. I head straight upstairs and peek into each of the children's bedrooms but all I find is three empty beds. I slowly open the door to our room and I gasp at the most adorable sight I have ever seen.

Christian is lying in the middle of our California king, with Olivia sleeping on his bare chest. Ted is cuddled into one side and Gracie is cuddled in to the other. I feel tears spring to my eyes and I quietly grab my phone and snap a picture of my sleeping family. Looking at them, I know that this is where I'm supposed to be, that Christian and I are meant to be together. I creep into the bathroom and get undressed, slipping into the shower. The hot water soothes the tension that I have been carrying in my shoulders since seeing Richard. I honestly feel awful for him and his wife. I can bet that she misses him too; I can only hope that they can find each other again.

_Only because it would soothe your guilty conscious!_ – She sucks her teeth at me wearing her harpy face! I scowl at her, mostly because I know that she is right. The shower door opens and a pair of strong arms snake around my waist, pulling me against a very familiar chest. I turn in his arms and wrap my own around his neck, holding my body flush with his. Christian tips his head down and captures my lips with his.

"Baby, I love you so much!" he whispers against my mouth, his voice almost lost to the falling water.

"Mmm I love you too" I snare his lower lip with my teeth, pulling it before letting go and kissing my way along his jaw and onto his neck.

"Ana, baby! I need you, I need you always" I pull back and look into his worried eyes. I am briefly confused and then I automatically grasp his reason for worrying.

"Were you worried that I would choose Richard over you?" I ask incredulous. How can he possibly think that? He looks away from my eyes and nods his head.

"Christian, look at me" He slowly returns his eyes to mines; shocked blue to apprehensive grey.

"How can you think that? You saw what I was like with him, I spent the majority of the time crying about you, because I am still very much in love with you and you alone" He closes his eyes as if in pain and a deep shuddering gasp escapes him then his arms wrap around me, holding me to his chest tightly under the stream of hot water, neither of us speaking, just holding each other; giving and taking all reassurance we need right now.

* * *

After our shower, we put the children into their own beds, tucking them in and making sure the monitors are switched on, and then head downstairs for a glass of wine by the fire. We sit on the floor, wrapped up in each other.

"Christian, stop thinking about Richard, I love you, and only you! I'm not saying that things with Richard couldn't have gone anywhere, I know they could have but… when all is said and done, you're everything to me"

"I love you so much and I couldn't bear to lose you, I know that I put us in this situation, that it was me who caused everything, but these last few days have been bliss. We have our appointment with Dr Logan on Thursday, so we need to do our homework for that. Trust me when I say that you get a fucking massive lecture when you don't hand it in" I crawl up Christian's body and straddle his hips, kissing him slow and deep until we're both breathless.

"Christian, I don't want to talk about homework right now" I say whilst rocking my hips against his semi-hard erection.

"We only have an hour before my parent's come home so I want to make out!" I bat my lashes seductively and pout. Christian's mouth forms a silent 'o' shape as I rock against him.

"No homework then!" He adds delighted in my little game. He flips us so that he is on top of me, pinning my hands above my head in one of his gigantic hands, and tracing his way down my body with the other. Eventually he reaches the hem of my night gown and starts to hitch it up.

"Oh no, no sex. I'm a _good _girl Christian. You never know I might meet some wealthy mogul and marry him!"

"Hmm, I'll just have to change your mind!"

"I don't think you can Christian!"

"We'll see about that Ana" He smirks down at me, and kisses me deeply - I guess I didn't think my little game through properly. He thrusts his hips into mine, his erection rubbing against me in all the right places, I moan ardently into his mouth, he thrusts again, again and again whilst rubbing his thumb over my nipple through my satin night gown, he releases my hands and start's working on both nipples whilst kissing and nipping along my jaw.

"You like?" He asks, biting and sucking on my neck, then softly grazing his teeth on my earlobe.

"Mmmhm" I mewl.

"Still thinking about your prospective mogul?"

"Yup" I smirk running my hands over his back, before giving him a resounding slap on his ass.

"Oh, you want to play like that huh?" He asks, unable to hide his jubilation.

"Yup, I happen to know that my future mogul husband will love, absolutely love spanking me!" I flip is so that he is back on the bottom and I am astride him once more. I scoot back so that I am sitting just above his knees and run my hands lightly up and down his chest; he shudders and gasps at the gentle and intimate contact. I place my hand over his heart and place a kiss on top.

"That belongs to me" I utter in a mere whisper, slipping out of character momentarily.

"It does, it always has and always will" I smile lovingly at him and take his hand and place it over my heart

"This, beats for you and only you, always" I bite my lip as I take in the emotion that plays over his beautiful features. Wow, this silly conversation just became deep and meaningful. I lean back down and kiss him, slowly moving our lips in unison.

"So, Christian, I heard from one of my friends that she knew how to do something really cool… do you wana try it?"

"Try what?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Absolutely" A slight frown registers on his face but we both ignore it, knowing why it appeared.

I kiss my way down his chest, slowly pausing to suck and nip both of his nipples and continue my journey south. I take my hand and rub his throbbing, pulsing erection through his pyjama pants. I pull at the waist band and slip my hands inside, firmly stroking my hand up and down his length, increasing and decreasing pressure as I see fit. Christian closes his eyes and his mouth falls slack.

"Fuck Ana" He sucks a sharp breath through his teeth causing all the muscles below my belly to clench. I remove my hand and pull his pants down a little, he lifts his hip's to help me and we leave them sitting at his mid-thighs.

I start stroking him again, up and down, up and down, squeeze and repeat. I watch him, waiting for the perfect moment. Eventually he closes his eyes and scrunches them up tight whilst breathing heavily. I take this opportunity to ensnare his length in my mouth.

"Sweet Jesus, fuck baby – good god you're perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect!" He adds in a rushed whisper. I sheath my teeth behind my lips and move up and down, fondling his testicles in my other hand.

"Baby, I'm so close… don't stop, ahhhh" I smirk knowing that I am driving him crazy!" I feel his legs tense up and I pull him from my mouth. Before he had a chance to complain I lowered myself on him. Rocking and circling my hips on top of him.

"Ana… shit! I don't know if I… can hold on, oh good fucking god. You feel so tight" He sit's up suddenly, without breaking our precious contact and rests his hands around my hips, lifting and rocking me in time with his frantic thrusts upwards.

"Christian, I love you so much" I add, needing him to know that I do love him in spite of everything he's done.

"I love you too Anastasia Grey. You're everything, you're my sunshine on rainy days, your my light in the dark and I will love you always baby" Tears spring to my eyes as he reaches between my legs and finds my throbbing core, he slowly starts to massage my clitoris, the pulling sensation low in my belly burns and unfurls, blossoming into the release that is about to wash over me. He must feel my walls starting to contract as he thrust's harder and faster as we chase our release. I call out an incoherent rendition of his name as I feel my climax ripple through my body. He thrusts one last time, pouring his release inside me, and I collapse on his chest; totally exhausted.

"I suppose we should really go upstairs to bed huh?" I say, making attempt to move from my position of lying on Christian's chest whilst he thrums his fingers up and down my back.

"We should, I don't want you getting a sore back Mrs Grey" I get up to my feet but before I can take a step, Christian scoops me up into his arms and carries me to our bed.

* * *

**I hope you guys still like everything that's going on with C&A at the moment, I guess this could be the calm before the storm! Dr Logan's impending session will be in the next chapter or the chapter after that. **

**Sneak Peek: Allyson's point of view will be coming soon, what do you guys think about that?**

**– Susie. xoxo **


	39. Chapter 39: Early Start

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I wake with a start, blindly reaching for Christian but finding nothing but empty space. I look at the clock and it says 5:45am. I get up and put my robe on, and head into Olivia's nursery to have our morning snuggles but all I find is an empty crib. I check on Gracie and Teddy but they're still fast asleep, so I go downstairs and find Christian sitting at the kitchen table with Olivia in her high chair, feeding her oatmeal.

"Mommy, guess what time I've been up since… 4am? I decided that I wanted daddy to play with me and refused point blank to go back to sleep!" Christian say's in a sing song voice, animating his face to Olivia making her giggle.

" You've been awake with her since 4am?"

"Yup, I have tried everything to get her to go to sleep but she just cries whenever I lay her down anywhere – I've tried the crib, our bed, and my chest"

"Why didn't you waken me up? I could have got her to go down within two minutes!"

"You think you can get her down? Ana I tried everything, so do tell how you plan on achieving this, in fact I think I'd like a demonstration" He smirks at me and I smirk back, Olivia giggles as he spoons oatmeal into her mouth; she has more on her face than anything else.

"I will Mr Grey, you finish feeding her and I'll have some tea and we'll get little miss back in bed, and after I have rocked at my motherly duties, I may rock my wife duties!" I give him a salacious wink and he stares at me, his mouth forming a perfect 'o' shape.

After I've finished my cup of tea and Christian's wiped all the goop from Liv's face I take her in my arms and we head upstairs into the nursery. Christian sits on the overstuffed chair in the corner and I sit in the rocker by the window.

"Okay, obviously I didn't nurse Ana – that's an unfair advantage right there!" He cocks a brow at me and I shake my head at him.

"I'm not nursing in the rocker; I'm going to put her to sleep. Had you woken me I could have told you what to do smart ass!" I open the little dresser drawer up and pull out our special box. Olivia instinctively snuggles into my arms and opens her mouth in preparation for insertion.

"Say it with me Christian… Pacifier" Olivia's eyes are fluttering closed and every so often they snap back open, I stroke her little nose and rock back and forth whilst looking out of the window. After a few moments she's breathing deeply and the pacifier is bobbing in and out of her mouth with her eyes closed.

"You said you didn't want the children to use pacifiers Ana, something about bad habits that are really hard to break and…what was the other reason…? Oh that's it, they affect the shape of the baby's teeth, who the hell advised you to start her with this shit?" He says in an accusatory tone that instantly make's my hackles rise

"What are you implying Christian?" I ask as I lay Olivia in her crib and close the door to the nursery softly

"I am not implying anything! I'm simply asking, why you have given Olivia a pacifier when we agreed that we didn't want our children to have them? And who told you that it was a good idea… Kate?" Christian says as we reach our bedroom. It always irritates the hell out of me when he says her name with disdain like he hates her; which makes me want to slap him. I feel the anger bubbling up from the soles of my feet, and I know I'm going to say something which I will regret later but I can't stop the words from rushing from my mouth.

"Yeah, like you agreed to be faithful, that didn't seem to work out so well, did it? I had three children to look after and I was working from home two weeks after giving birth to Olivia, so yes I gave her a pacifier so that I could fucking sleep, so sue me! Remember she didn't have a father's chest to fall asleep on, and when she did, it was only for three hours every two weeks until she was six months old. OH, FYI it's an orthodontic pacifier so it won't affect her teeth, even though she hasn't actually cut any yet! And for your information it was your mother who suggested it because unlike you, she actually gave a fuck that I was running myself into the ground whilst my heart was breaking." I spin on my heel and leave the bedroom and a very stunned Christian behind picking Olivia's baby monitor on the way to my office. I sit in my leather desk chair and I am shaking with temper. How dare he question my parenting?

_You maybe overreacted on this one… just a little bit? _Did I overreact? Probably but right now I'm still mad so I can't even pretend that I'm sorry… because I'm not. I needed to get that off my chest. I boot up my laptop and start reading over my notes for the latest manuscript that I am working on. As per usual I have lost track of time, and Gracie comes walking into my office and climbs up onto my lap, wrapping her little arms around my neck

"Good mornin' momma" Oh sweet lord, she is at her most adorable when she wakes up, providing you've let her wake fully, if not she's the child from hell.

"Good morning to you princess, did you sleep well?"

"Mmmhm"

"Are you hungry?" I whisper into her curls

"Mmmhm, daddy ask if you wana come eat with us?" Nice, use our daughter to test the waters Christian.

"Is you coming momma?" She turns herself around in my lap and grabs a hold of my face with her little hands, pushing my cheeks towards my mouth creating a fish-face and giggles at me, I giggle right back because she is just cute as a button.

"I will come eat with you guys if… you give me lots of kisses and cuddles, cuddle-bug" Gracie beams at me and gives me a sloppy kisses right on the lips. I put her down and take her little hand in my own and we walk into the kitchen. Christian is sitting talking to Teddy when he looks up at me with sadness in his eyes, so severe that just looking at him makes my heart ache. We all sit at the table and eat; whilst I pick at the food on my plate.

"I'm finished mom" Teddy pushes his plate away, he looks so much better than he did yesterday but I think we should keep him off for the rest of the week

"How are you feeling anyway baby boy?" I ask him whilst feeling his forehead

"I'm not a baby mom! And I feel a lot better than I did yesterday, am I going to school?"

"Do you want to go to school; do you feel well enough sweetie?" He thinks about it for minute then gives me a big smile. He's super adorable sometimes and his smile is an exact replica of his fathers.

"Yeah, I want to go to school, I've missed my friends and stuff" I plant a kiss on his hair, and then ruffle it, he wriggles out the way whenever I do that, I guess he's just growing up which makes me a little sad.

"Well come on we'll go get your uniform looked out" Ted and I head upstairs and into his bedroom, I send him to go wash his face and brush his teeth whilst I get his uniform. When he comes back into the room I help him get his shirt buttoned up and his sweatshirt on, then I try to do something with his out of control hair but I give up pretty quickly because it just never cooperates.

"Are you and daddy fighting? Cause you weren't talking and I don't want daddy to go away again mommy, I like it better when we're all together" I feel like my hearts just been twisted and I pull Ted into my arms.

"Sweetie, don't you worry about your dad and I because that's not your job baby okay? Your daddy and I will work everything out" He sighs then nods his head and wraps his little arms around my waist

"I love you mommy" I hold him close for a few moments and kiss his hair, then we head downstairs. Luke is standing in the kitchen holding Gracie, tickling her and she's telling him what he's missed since he's been away visiting his family in New York.

"Uncle Luke? When did you get here? We've missed you!" He asks as runs over and hugs him tightly, Ted and Luke have gotten pretty close since Christian and I separated, they spent a lot of time together playing and doing 'guy stuff'

"Late last night buddy, you ready for school little man?" He asks as he ruffles his hair, but Ted doesn't wriggle away from Luke.

"Yeah!"

"Lukey, you no leave again! We missted you wen' you wen' away" Gracie says whilst holding his face in her little hands shaking it from side to side.

"Well Miss Grey, I'm back now so you won't have to missted me anymore" He tickles her underarms and she wriggles around giggling.

"It is good to have you back Luke, the kids do miss you when you're away" I walk over and take Gracie from Luke and give him a hug. He and Teddy look at each other then give each other a high-five

"Let's get this…" Luke stops and waits for Teddy and Gracie to finish their sentence, they do this each and every time they go anywhere with Luke.

"SHOW ON THE ROOOAD!" Ted and Luke leave for school and I take Gracie upstairs to get her dressed leaving Christian sitting at the table with an expression that resembles thunder. I can't be bothered dealing with his shit right at this moment!

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_**I know that this one is rather short but I wanted to post this and get started on the next chapter... which is going to be fun to write lol! What do you guys think is going through Christian's mind when he see's his children playing with his kids and Ana hugging him?**_

_**I just want to say to to a Miss Lawverdeen:**_

**_Firstly, if you don't like the direction the story has taken, and you've repeatedly told me this in each and every review why are you still reading it? There are over 480 stories about C&A if you don't like this one then read another. I'm not being bitchy by saying this but I have a specific direction that I am trying to follow and getting your negativity is making me want to just throw the towel in. I don't understand why you feel the need to put me down when all I am trying to do is have some fun with this! _**

**_I am honestly not meaning this in a horrible way at all, because you have left me some nice reviews in the past. I just don't get why you are still reading if I have 'ruined' my OWN emphasis on OWN! story. I also would like to say, why don't you create an account or if you already have one, log in? That way I wouldn't have to resort to a ridiculous authors note to address this._**

**_To everyone else, thank you for the support, YOU GUYS are the reason that I am continuing writing this story, when in actuality all I want to do is give up on it, but I won't because I have a feeling that some of you, namely LouisVuittonFreak, And1rea, leslie25, would lynch me for doing so. So in favor of staying alive I shall continue until the end :)_**

**_Love you all_**

**_Susie. xoxo_**


	40. Chapter 40: What did you just say?

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

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I am sitting at the table with Gracie, whilst she eats the rest of her eggs and toast. I feel terrible about this morning, I don't know why I reacted like that, and looking back on it no wonder she snapped at me. I let out a big sigh and rub my hands over my face, why the hell did I start an argument over a fucking pacifier, I'm a total ass hole! I have a feeling that each and every time we argue about anything she's going to bring up the affair; and in reality she has every right to do so.

"What wrong daddy?" I look up at my daughter and she's frowning at me

"Nothing princess, just eat your breakfast okay"

"Kay daddy, me eat it all up like a big girl" I lean forward and give her a kiss catching a bit of egg from the corner of her lips

"Mmm… that was an eggy kiss, can I have another one?" She giggles at me then shakes her head and shoves another handful of crushed up toast into her mouth whilst I sip my coffee, watching her eat makes me happy she has the best appetite of all our kids. I wipe her face and hands when she's finished and I have her sitting on my lap talking when Sawyer walks in. Gracie struggles to get off my lap and when I set her on her feet she throws herself at Sawyer which makes me mad.

"Uncka LUKEY! Me misted you sooo much!"

"I misted you too button! Have you been a good girl for mommy?" He asks her and I can't help but feel rage inside, what the fuck is he doing hugging my daughter? I don't like this one fucking bit.

"Yeah I bin good. Daddy come home now" Sawyer gasps when he looks at me but it was exaggerated which means it was meant solely for Gracie.

"So he has… what did you get up to whilst I've been away?" He asks her, smiling and Gracie has her hands wrapped around his neck.

"Uhh… nothin' just play wif mommy, daddy, my GG and Liv"

"You haven't been playing with Uncle Jason?" He opens his mouth in animated shock

"Yeeeahh… I forgotted about him"

"Wait until I tell him that!" I feel my temper rise with each passing second and my fists are clenched so tight that I can feel my nails digging into my palms. Ana and Teddy come back into the kitchen and my son runs over to _Uncle Sawyer_.

"Uncle Luke, when did you get here? We've missed you!" Teddy hugs Sawyer tightly, I want to rip my son away from him and I know I can't do that so I just sit here, seething and glare at Sawyer, I swear if the bastard smirks I won't be accountable for my actions.

"Late last night buddy, you ready for school little man?" He ruffles Ted's hair but Ted doesn't wriggle away from him, he just smiles up at his _Uncle Luke_, who is now a fucking bastard and at the very top of my shitlist.

"Yeah!"

"Lukey, you no leave again! We missted you wen' you wen' away" Grace holds his face –like she usually does with mine– and shakes it from side to side.

"Well Miss Grey, I'm back now so you won't have to missted me anymore" The bastard tickles MY daughter and she giggles for him. I am trying my hardest not to lose control of my fraying temper, that wouldn't do me any favours with Ana right now, she's already pissed at me.

"It is good to have you back Luke; the kids do miss you when you're away" I am seriously on the brink of blowing a mother fucking gasket when Ana takes Gracie off him then wraps her free arm around him… and the fucker returns the hug. I can imagine what my face must look like. If it were possible to kill a person with just a look alone, Sawyer would be stone dead. He and my son share a look then high-five each other.

"Let's get this…"

"SHOW ON THE ROOOAD!" Teddy and Gracie say in unison, and then the fucker leaves to take my only son to school. Ana turns around with Gracie in her arms, looks at me then leaves the kitchen; obviously she's still fucking pissed, well newsflash I am fucking pissed too! I know I am being irrational, but I can't help it. I am so fucking angry right now. I don't care how much _Ana _and the kids like maybe even 'love' _Sawyer_ the fucker is getting fired. He thinks he can come in to our home and take MY place with MY wife and MY children and has the nerve to expect to be paid for it?

I have sat at the table for what feels like hours and Ana hasn't come back downstairs. Gracie and Gail are sitting in the family room playing, so I know that she is avoiding me. Fuck this shit, I push my chair back with so much force that it nearly topples over and I stomp up the stairs to our bedroom, which Ana isn't in. I head for her office and she's on the phone. She looks up at me in annoyance and continues with her call.

"Hannah, can I call you back real quick, I have _something _that I need to deal with right now" Oh excellent, I am _something _that she needs to _deal _with? She hangs up the phone and looks at me expectantly

"What is it Christian, as you can see I'm fairly busy" My heart is hammering in my chest and I know deep down that I am being stupid, that I'm being irrational and I try to grasp at the words as they drip from my mouth with venom, anger and contempt but I can't get a hold on them, I can't catch them in time

"How. Long. Have. You. Been. Fucking. Him?" Ana's face falls, and her mouth pops open and a blush steels over her cheeks.

"I can't believe that you just said that?" She all but whispers, sounding guilty as sin. No, she didn't, please tell me she didn't fuck him! I grasp my hair and pull at it as I pace.

"Well you threw yourself at the fucking doctor, who's to say that you didn't throw yourself at Sawyer and beg him to fuck you too!" It's like I am having an out of body experience, hearing and seeing myself spit those nasty words at Ana but unable to stop them from tumbling from my mouth. She stands up and walks right in front of me, drawing her hand back and all I hear is a resounding slap. My hand shoots over the stinging skin where her blow was placed and I all I feel is disgust at myself.

_YOU FUCKING IDIOT, PREPARE TO GO BACK TO ESCALA YOU DICK, WHAT THE FUCK POSSESSED YOU TO SAY THAT SHIT?_ My inner voice is screaming at me, and it's right, I am a dick, and a fucking idiot.

"Ana, baby I'm so-" she cuts me off just with the venomous look that she throws me.

"Don't. Don't you dare judge me you bastard! So I threw myself at Richard did I? Oh and let's not forget the begging! Well thank you very much, another fucking well placed blow to my self-esteem, you're getting pretty fucking good at destroying me all around! Right now I can honestly say without reservation that I fucking hate you." Her bottom lip and chin trembles and I feel fucking terrible. What the hell made me say that shit to her? I've fucked everything up… _again! _She wipes her tears with the heels of her palms.

"I think it would be best all-around if you stay out of my way, sleep in one of the guest rooms. Just so we're clear, the only reason that you're not on your way to Escala, is for the sake of our children, namely for our son you bastard. Get out of my sight, right fucking now!" Angry, hurt tears are streaming down her face and I just hang my head and turn around and leave her office, closing the door behind me. I stand for outside the door and listen to the gut wrenching sobs that escape her chest.

* * *

I sit down in my desk chair and hold my head in my hands. The rose-tinted glasses that I have been wearing since Christian came home have been ripped from me with blinding finality. I can't believe he just accused me of not only fucking the staff, but begging to be fucked too. Did I throw myself at Richard…?

_Maybe… yeah kinda. But hey we were horny and hurt – it's never a good combination._ I try to stop the tears but I just can't. I don't think he realises how much he hurt me by saying what he just did. I pull out some tissues from my drawer and wipe my eyes, which is pretty pointless because I can't stop crying. I feel as pathetic as he made me out to be. How can I love him? How can I want to be with him when he acts like this? I need to get out of this house or I'm going to lose the fucking plot and start breaking shit. I walk into MY bedroom and start getting dressed. I look in the mirror once I'm done and I look as bad as I feel. My skin is blotchy; my eyes are read and puffy and my hair just looks limp and lank. I see Gracie come upstairs in Gail's arms and she looks at me with understanding.

"Hi baby girl, come to mommy!" I hold my hands out to her and take her from Gail, settling her on my hip.

"Why you yell momma?" Shit, I guess I wasn't as quiet as I was trying to be.

"I'm sorry princess, mommy didn't mean to yell. Do you want to have a girls day with mommy?" Gracie tucks her head into my neck and nods.

"I no like it wen you sad momma, it make me sad" She says in a quiet voice. I bite my lip to stop myself from crying, which would just start her off. I close my eyes and breathe deeply and kiss Gracie's unruly curls and pull back a little so that I can see her little face. Her big grey eyes are glistening as she looks up at me and I feel like shit.

"Come on baby smile for me, you'll make me feel better if you smile and give me your special Gracie Grey cuggles" She beams at me and squeezes me tight giving me butterfly kisses all over my face.

"Gail, could you please get her shoes on and have her coat ready for me whilst I go get Olivia dressed?"

"Sure, no problem Ana, Are you okay?" I nod, incapable of anything else.

"Come on then Gracie, come down with GG and I'll get you ready for mommy" Gracie increases her grip around my neck and I have no doubt that she'll start screaming if I force her to go to Gail.

"Baby, listen to mommy. I have to get Olivia ready so that we can have a girl's day, go with GG pleeeeeease?" I smile and kiss her chubby cheeks; she giggles in response and holds her arms out to Gail. They go downstairs and I head into Olivia's nursery, she's lying awake in her crib with the offending pacifier lying next to her head. I lift her up and give her a few kisses on her temple and get her changed and dressed. Once we're done we go and fetch Gracie and Gail helps us out to the car, I have no clue where I want to go but I know that I can't stay in the house with him, or I'll end up doing something much worse than slapping him. I dial Grace's number from the steering wheel, making use of the Bluetooth in my car.

"Hello, Grace Trevelyan –Grey speaking"

"Grace it's Ana"

"Oh hello darling, how're you?"

"I'm alright, are you busy today?"

"Not really, I'm just catching up on some work but it can wait"

"Well, the girls and I have decided to have a girls day, so we were wondering if you and Mia want to join us? I'm going to call Kate, if you want to call Mia?"

"Sure, do you want to meet here at our place?"

"Yeah that would be perfect. I'll see you soon"

"Bye dear"

"Bye" I hang up and repeat the conversation with Kate, she and Ava are joining us. I've taken the Q7 so we'll manage in one car. Grace is standing at the door, waiting to greet us and when she meets my eyes I know that she can tell that something is wrong with me, unfortunately I wear my emotions for all to see. Grace and I have gotten so much closer throughout all of the shit that I've gone through this year and something tells me that she's going to be extremely pissed at her son, which pleases me in a petulant way. Gracie jumps into her papa Carry's arms and talks to him a mile a minute whilst Gracie takes Olivia from her car seat and we head into the family room.

"Ana, I can tell that there is something wrong with you, if you want to talk you know that I am here for you, I'd take advantage before the others get here"

"Especially if it's something you want to keep private anyway" She adds sardonically. The dam bursts for the second time and I'm a bubbling mess.

"This morning, Olivia woke up at 4am and I didn't hear her, Christian tried everything with her but she wouldn't go down and then I woke up at 5:40 or something and he was feeding her breakfast and I said to him that if he'd woken me I would have told him how to get her back to sleep in two minutes. He got competitive and asked for a demonstration so I went upstairs to the nursery and sat in the rocker with her, then gave her the pacifier and we got into an argument about it, he asked why I went back on my word and my opinion about pacifiers then accused Kate of being the one to suggest it so I put Olivia down and he followed me into our bedroom" I take a deep breath because I know that I was wrong for bringing up his affair.

"Grace, I know it was wrong but I said something like 'yeah like you agreed to be faithful' I know it was wrong to say that but I did. I then told him why I'd given her the pacifier – you know the reasons, I also told him that it was you who suggested it. I walked away from him and went into my office to calm down. He sent Gracie up to ask me if I was joining them for breakfast so I went down but we never really spoke, Ted decided that he was well enough to go to school, I took him up to help get him ready and when we came back down Luke was in the kitchen waiting to take him to school. He was holding Gracie and talking to her then Ted ran over and gave him a hug and said that they missed their uncle Luke when he's away. It was time for them to leave so I took Gracie and gave Luke a hug, telling him that they did miss having him around. You know how I was when Christian and I first split up, I had to make our home more like a family environment for them because I wasn't in a good place, so we lost all sense of boundaries – Luke, Gail and Jason are part of my family and that's not going to change, I look at him like a brother Grace."

"Oh Ana, I have a feeling I know what's coming next" She adds sadly, I just hold my head in my hands, a few rogue tears slipping from my eyes.

"He asked me how long I'd been –shall we say- 'sleeping' with Luke, but Christian used different terminology. I was flabbergasted; I blushed because I was embarrassed and mad as hell and told him that I couldn't believe that he said that, that he'd accused me of that. He then proceeded to twist the knife by saying that I threw myself at Richard, and begged him to sleep with me, who's to say that I didn't beg Luke too!" I wipe my eyes and look up at Grace's shocked face.

"I lost it Grace, I… I slapped him. I just exploded at him. I am 30 and I have been with a grand total of two men, two! I told him that the only reason he wasn't heading back to Escala with a one way ticket was because Teddy would be devastated. I also told him to stay out of my way, and then I sat down and cried for a while. I decided that I had to get out of the house because with every minute that passed I just got angrier and angrier so I got the girls ready and called you."

"My son… I just don't get it Ana, why the hell does he jeopardize his place with you, and the children? But listen to me darling, obviously you're going to bring up the affair Ana, that's only natural he hurt you and you want to hurt him back, you aren't over that just yet and it's going to come up in arguments until you put it behind you, which you'll do in your own time. If Carrick had said what Christian did, even now I would have reacted the same way as you. Come on we'll have a good time with the children and take your mind off the inconsiderate man that I call my son" Grace wraps her arms around Olivia and I and I lean my head on her shoulder, trying to stop the hurt tears from falling from my eyes.

* * *

**_I can't believe that this is the fortieth chapter OMG! I still can't believe how many reviews and followers/favourite's this story has gained in such a short amount of time. Thank you from the bottom of my swollen heart (swollen in a good way, so don't worry lol)_**

**_I am aiming for another Chapter tonight, I'm in the groove lol, the words are flying from my mind right down through my fingertips and I am hoping that you've enjoyed this chapter lol! Ana was pissed, and rightly so! What do you think's going to happen when she arrives back at home? What should Christian say to her and vice versa? _**

**_Thanks to everyone who has sent me messages of encouragement and reviews, telling me to ignore the trolls who have nothing better to do than send negative messages/reviews, for you guys I will endeavour to continue until you tell me to stop! =^.^=_**

**_– Susie, xoxo_**


	41. Chapter 41: Confessional

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

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**Warning: This chapter deals with some serious subject matter and I hope that I have dealt with it with the sensitivity it deserves and approached it accordingly.**

* * *

Gracie and Ava are sound asleep on Grace's sofa, whilst Olivia is sleeping in her Aunt Kate's arms.

"Elliot and I have been trying for another baby, it's just not happening though. I don't know why? I mean Ava was a surprize and I thought that I'd get pregnant really quickly but each and every month I get more and more disappointed" I reach out and place my hand over Kate's and give it a squeeze.

"Kate, it will happen. Just give it time. You know they say that if you stop trying you'll get pregnant. Sometimes sex becomes clinical when you're trying to get pregnant with consulting charts for when you're most fertile and everything and it gets robotic. That's what Christian and I were like when we tried for Gracie; I was so obsessed with getting pregnant that I wasn't interested in sex for any other reason other than procreation. So Christian put his foot down and threw out my charts and two months later… bun in the oven" I look at Gracie and giggle as does Kate. She wraps her free arm around my shoulders and squeezes me.

"You know, I socked Christian when you gave birth to Olivia!" My jaw pops open and I turn my head towards her so fast it's a miracle that I didn't get whiplash.

"What? Spill Kavanagh"

"Well, you were sedated and Grace went down to see how Liv was doing and when she came back up she asked me to give you two some time alone. I refused and yelled at him then slapped him and left" I shake my head and snort.

"Pretty much what I did today then huh?"

"Yep, guess it shows why we're such good friends/sisters" We look at each other and laugh quietly so we don't wake up the gremlins.

"Thanks for being here for me Kate; I'm just at a complete loss of what to do. I can't believe that he accused me of 'fucking' Luke, he's my children's security guard – it's more the fact that he said that I threw myself at Richard and begged him to have sex with me, which is true but I was so broken and bruised by what he done. Saying that about Luke was a step to far though"

"I'll always be here when you need me Ana, I love you and you know that I've never liked or approved of Christian – but when you guys are happy, it's like the ultimate relationship that everyone wants, then he does shit like this and I want to nail his nuts to the wall"

"I'm rather fond of those nuts though Kate!" She bursts out laughing and I can't help but join in. I feel my cell vibrate against my ass for what must be the hundredth time today. I probably should answer it, Ted will be wondering where I am. I pull it from my pocket and look at Kate, who gives me a subtle nod. I look at the screen as it vibrates in my hand. I sigh deeply and answer the call

"What do you want Christian?" I hear him gasp a shuddering breath and possibly wince at my caustic tone.

"Ana… baby I'm so fucking sorry, please come home" His voice is low, and wretched with emotion.

"Gracie and Olivia are napping; we're at your mothers. I'll be home as soon as they're awake!" A strained silence passes between us and I don't know what else to say.

"I love you Ana. So, so much!"

"So you keep saying. I'll see you when I get back" I don't wait for a response, I just hang up.

"That was intense and the room has chilled Ana!" I just shrug; there are no possible words for how I feel at the moment. Those days we spent together were perfect, absolutely perfect and all today has proved is that we're far from over this like I thought. Naïve Ana strikes again.

~o0o~

Christian and I have played nice in front of the children for the evening. Christian has put Gracie and Teddy to bed and I am sitting in the rocker nursing with Olivia. She's been sleeping for the last forty minutes and I am just putting off the inevitable discussion that will take place. I look down at my baby girl's sleeping face and I just don't know what to do anymore, I am trying to do what's best for them but I don't know what that is right now. I'm not aware that I am crying until I see water droplets on Liv's onesie. I wipe my tears and put her in the crib, turning her soother off and her night light on. I switch on her monitor and take its twin with me and softly close the door. I head downstairs and Christian is sitting beside the fire looking pensively into it.

"Hi" I whisper as I sit down. His head turns towards me and he gives me a haunting look.

"Hi" We both sit in silence for a while before he gets up and kneels in front of me, placing his hands on my knees and pulling them apart so he can settle between them.

"Ana… I am so sorry. I never should have said those things to you. I was angry and jealous. I felt like I was watching a family that I had no part in, and the worst fucking part is that all my anger did was ensure that I won't be a part of it for much longer" I look at his eyes and I can understand his perspective, his fear and his anger.

"I understand why you may have felt like that Christian. I get that you felt jealous, what I am angry about is that you… you accused me of throwing myself at men, that I begged them to fuck me like I'm some pathetic whore. I have 'fucked' two men, in my entire life" I wipe my tears away and he looks gutted.

"I didn't mean it Ana, I honestly didn't. It was like I was watching myself say those nasty words but I couldn't stop them from spilling from my mouth. Baby I love you; I love you so much that it hurts. I know that I've hurt you today and I'm so sorry. Fuck I feel like that's all I ever say to you these days. I've sat in this house all day terrified for this moment; I'm scared that you're going to walk away from me. I'm begging you not to do that from the bottom of my heart please don't leave me again because I don't think my heart could take it" His jaw clenches and I see the muscles twitch and I know he's trying not to cry, just looking at his expression has tears running down my face. He leans up and wipes them away with a kiss.

"Don't Christian, let me talk please?" He freezes and I can see it in his eyes that he thinks I'm going to ask him to leave. His breathing increases and his mouth thins into a stiff line as his jaw clenches again. I'm scared to share this with him. If he hate's me I'll understand. I've kept this locked deep inside for so long now, I need to make him realise just how bad things got for me, how badly he hurt me by doing what he did. I also need to apologize for my part in what happened this morning.

"I have to apologize too. I flew off the handle about the pacifier; I shouldn't have brought up your affair, it's not fair to bring it up in an argument it had no place in. I'm sorry for that, but nothing that I said or done warranted you reacting like that over Luke's relationship with our children and with me. He is like a brother to me Christian" He goes to interrupt me so I place my forefinger over his lips to shut him up and take a deep breath; I have to admit what happened. I can't keep this secret from him any longer. He has to know just how bad it got. I take his hands in mine and look at him through watery eyes. I could kill my marriage with this and that thought terrifies me.

"When we split up, I was a mess, I wasn't eating or sleeping. I was just so, so sad and miserable. All I wanted was you, and well… I had done something really, really stupid Christian. I was so hurt, and so very broken. Without you, well I thought that my world was over, that I had nothing left to live for – I had some pills in my hand, I just wanted the pain to stop, I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up" His eyes widen and his grip on my hands tighten I am practically sobbing but we both pretend not to notice

"I told everyone that I was going to bed and not to disturb me for any reason. Let's just say that you owe Luke my life. He found me, took them off me and shoved his fingers down my throat so that I was sick, over and over until there was nothing left to come up just to be sure that I wasn't lying about not taking any. He called Flynn and I got help, I got stronger and I dealt with the pain in a healthier way. That's why we have a bond Christian, because he cared enough to go against my orders and check on me after I gave him explicit instructions that I wasn't to be disturbed. I guess he just knew, he says he seen the sadness in my eyes" The look of horror etched across his face is palpable; I'm scared that he hate's me, that he thinks what I was going to do is unforgivable.

"Y-you were going to take your own life Ana?" I caress his face with my hand and wipe away his tears as I nod.

"I don't know if I would have actually done it, but I was seriously considering taking them. No one else knows apart from Luke and I, and now you. He made me get help, listened to me when I was emotional; I love Luke, we've gotten very close over these months, but it's a brotherly, sisterly relationship Christian. I owe him my sanity and for that I'll be eternally grateful that he looked out for me and stopped me making the biggest mistake in my life. But that doesn't diminish what you mean to me, how much I love you. The kids love Luke but you're their father – no one can ever take your place with us, ever, that's why I slapped you when you accused me of sleeping with him, when all he's ever done is protect me and our children!" He pulls me from the couch and into his lap and holds me tightly to his chest. I'm not proud of what I done. If I'd succeeded I would have left three small children without their mother and I hate myself for that, I struggle with that every single time I look at them. That's why Luke will always have a place in my life and my heart. Christian will just have to deal with that.

"I am so sorry Ana, I am so, so sorry!" He buries his face into my neck and I feel the dampness of his tears.

"Shh… its okay, I'm okay now and we'll get through this. I love you, I love you so much and I know that what I wanted to do was selfish, and I thank god every single day that Luke saw through me that night, because I can't say for certain that I wouldn't have gone through with it" He kisses my neck, and pulls back, holding my face in his hands.

"Ana… I don't even know what to say, I… I hate what I've done to you, I feel like I've just destroyed you" I wipe his tears away with a kiss.

"Listen to me, I love you, and I'm better now. We're stronger people Christian. We can get through anything as long as we're together" His lips crush against mine, his tongue probing, against my lips and gaining purchase. Desire licks through me and I can't contain it. I rip his shirt open and buttons fly everywhere. I kiss each and every scar on his chest and work my way up his neck, up and over his chin and finally back to his lips.

"Ana… I need you"

"I need you too" I whisper into his mouth. We're all hands, touch and taste as we explore and enjoy, heal and repair our fragile relationship in the only way we know how. He picks me up and carries me upstairs into our bedroom, never breaking contact with my mouth. He gently lays me on the bed and removes his torn shirt and pants. I look at his ripped body and I feel wetness pool between my thighs.

"You mean everything to me; I didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as I love you Christian!" He shudders and start's to unbutton my shirt slowly placing a kiss on my skin after each button is undone. It's a slow process and I'm getting fidgety.

"Christian!" I say breathless, trying to get him to hurry up and undress me. I need him right now; I need to know that we're okay.

"What is it baby?" He asks in a whisper as he continues to kiss his way towards my stomach.

"I need you!" I feel him grin against my skin.

"And have me you shall…" He reaches the last button and pulls my shirt open wide, kissing back up my stomach.

"You have wonderful breasts Ana, I don't tell you that enough. The best thing about them is that they've made milk for my babies and there's nothing sexier than that for me! His hands cup them his thumbs circling my nipples through the cup of my bra. I can't help but squirm around, fisting my hands in the sheet.

"I want to play with them for a little so I must divest you of this thing!" He leans down and grasps one of my bra cups with his teeth and pulls at it, licking the skin above the material. He runs his arms around my back and unhooks it, pulling the straps down my arms and throwing the bra. He slowly skims his hands up my stomach, leaving tingles in his wake.

"You are so sexy, you can make me come with just a single look Ana, I am always hard for you, I constantly have to think about my grandmother and her false teeth when we're with family or the kids and it's not appropriate to adjust my junk!" I can't help but giggle at that statement.

"I love your giggle baby, that's one of the best sounds I have ever heard"

"One of? What's the best sound you've ever heard then?" He tears his eyes from my breasts, as that's where his eyes have been focused.

He looks deeply into my eyes, maintaining contact with me, with our skin and our hearts.

"Our children's first cry" A brief frown crosses both of our faces as we realise that he never heard Olivia's but neither did I.

"Olivia didn't cry, so you never missed hers. She couldn't breathe so she couldn't cry. But that's in the past, we need to move on." He gets rid of the forlorn look that just appeared on his face and smiles up at me. He unbuttons my jeans then kisses the small space of skin that he can reach in between the flaps of denim.

"Come on baby; lift that glorious ass in the air!" I lift my hips off the bed, using my feet as leverage and he slowly shimmy's my jeans down my legs, his fingers maintaining contact the whole way. He crawls up my body and lies down on top of me, burying his face between my breasts nuzzling them. His hands massaging them, and his lips worshiping them and me.

"I love you Ana, I love you so much and I swear from this day forward I'll never hurt you or make you question our marriage or the depth of my love for you. I'll never put you in that position again I swear that to you now." I run my hands through his soft copper locks and pull his face up to meet mine.

"I know, I promise that I will try my hardest to let go of the past, to move on and see beyond this chapter of our lives, because we're over the worst of it. If we could get this far we'll make it through the rest" He gasps through clenched teeth as his hand makes its way into my panties.

"Baby, you're so wet!" his fingers slip inside me as the heel of his palm rubs against my clitoris. I moan ardently into his mouth, my teeth grazing his lips.

"I love to watch you come undone, I love to see your body react to my hands and my touch. I love that I can make you moan and scream my name" He says in a quiet whisper against my lips, my jaw and my throat. Licking, nipping and sucking his way along my skin.

"Open your eyes baby, I want to see you" He adds and I open my eyes, focusing on his"

"There's my baby, your eyes sparkle their brightest when your turned on Mrs Grey" I arch my back and I don't know how much more I can take. I want to let go but I won't until I feel him push into me!

"Come for me baby, come for me I want to see it, I need to see it!" I clench my teeth and fight his command

"Ana, please I need it, I need to know that you can come for me, please baby?" His pleading voice, thick with raw emotion nearly tips me over the edge and I know that I am hanging on by my fingernails!

"Why won't you give it up for me baby? I won't stop until I see that pale super soft skin flush, and those beautiful baby blues roll back with pure pleasure!"

"Mmmmm, please. I… I need to feel you inside me… I won't let go until you are inside me!" He removes his hand from my panties and sucks his fingers clean, giving me a wicked grin. He scoots down the bed and removes his boxer-briefs, allowing his length to spring free, I groan once again and he grins then hooks his thumbs into my panties and pulls them off my legs before opening them wide and kissing his way from my toes to my thighs, before reaching the apex he looks up at me, using his fingertips to trace circles on my inner thighs.

"I just want a quick taste Ana; you have the sweetest taste baby so hold on tight! Don't let go now" His eyes twinkle with delight. Bastard.

"Fuuuucckk!" I moan when I feel his tongue lick through my folds, flicking over the nub of frazzled, strained-beyond-belief nerves and I fist my hands in the sheets even tighter than before. I feel him grin against my swollen, throbbing flesh then he kisses up and over my pubic bone, all the way up my stomach, then my sternum pausing to nip and suck at my nipples and finally reaches my ardent mouth allowing me to taste myself on his lips.

"See baby, see how good and sweet you taste! I love that I get to taste you, that I'm the only one to get that pleasure" I groan and my hands weave into his hair and I pull hard, thrusting my hips up to tempt him.

"You ready Ana?"

"ughhhh… I've been ready for the last 25 minutes. I need you, now!" I groan frustrated that he's taking his sweet time. His tongue traces along my bottom lip, before biting it.

"Hmm, that lip! Ughh, I can never get enough of it. It's just so … tasty" He states as his hands trail down my sides, reaching the backs of my knees.

"Hook them around me baby" He whispers against my throat. I comply and I feel him probe at my entrance. I groan in response and he looks lovingly into my eyes, his forearms are resting at either side of my head and his hands work themselves into my hair.

"Keep those eyes open baby. I want to see you come undone… do you promise?" I groan again, I just want to feel him, as soon as he stretches me I'll let go, I am sitting so on the edge that all he'd have to do at this point is blow on me and I'd let go.

"I promise, I need you… " He rests his forehead against mines and pushes into me slowly. I suck a breath through clenched teeth as I feel my sex ripple at the overwhelming fullness, the stretching my muscles need to accommodate his impressive length. Air whistles through his teeth as he stills.

"Christ you're so tight!" He groans, a sheen of sweat covers our skin as our bodies connect. He slowly pulls back and thrusts into me again, hitting each and every sweet spot within me.

"Ana, oh god! I… I! Fuck!" He screws his eyes up tight then reopens them and they burn with the intense emotion that I know he's feeling because I am too! Our love in its purest, almost animalistic form.

"I love you, I love you so much Christian!" I feel tears streaming from my eyes and into my hair.

"Ana, I love you too. I love you more than anything or anyone else. I want to feel you clench baby, I need to make you come please let go because I don't know how much longer I can last" He rears up and slams into me hard and I feel the waves of pleasure building, he rears back and slams inside me again, building higher and faster, and again he thrusts hard and fast. His eyes burrowing into mine and he kisses me with so much reverence, passion, lust and love that I can't hold on any longer and I feel the rush break over my skin, tingling from my toes all the way up my legs and sparking in my sex, rippling crushing waves of sheer pleasure that make my entire frame shudder and shake. He rams inside me once more and screams what I think is my name as I call out his. He collapses on top of me pressing me into the mattress. I hook my ankles together under his backside and hold him to me, kissing his hair, stroking his back, his shoulders and arms, touching any skin I can reach.

"Christian, I love you so much. I can't even being to understand just what you mean to me!" I whisper into his ear, he pushes himself up and looks down at me as I cup his face in my hands.

"I feel the same way baby, I'm terrified that I am going to lose you! That you're going to get sick of my shit, and figure that you and the kids will be better off without me and I can't say that you're wrong"

"I can say that you're wrong for thinking that way Christian, I'll never be better off without you. Our children need you; they need their father so much. Please, from the bottom of my heart know that I've forgiven you Christian, you need to forgive yourself" His lips crush against mines so hard that I know they'll bruise, I feel him hot and hard against my stomach and we lose ourselves in each other once again.

* * *

**_This chapter took a rather dark turn, and Ana has hidden the fact that she was going to commit suicide from everyone apart from Luke, she's even hidden it from herself, refusing to believe that she was actually considering It, she'll never know if she would have actually taken them because Luke intervened at the right time. She had to be honest with Christian and let him know the reason why she reacted that way and why she slapped him! I hope that I have handled this chapter with the sensitivity it deserved. My mum actually tried to do this when my father died; I was only five at the time so I do have personal experience in a situation like that, and the surrounding guilt the person feels._**

**_Continue to review because getting them makes me all warm and fuzzy, well the positive ones do lol…_**

**_Where do our wonderful couple go from here? How do you guys think Christian is going to feel knowing the lengths his betrayal affected Ana? I doubt he'll sleep no matter how well fucked he is lol!_**

**_I have written so much that the muscle between my neck and my shoulder is all tense and aching. I had to get some deep heat rubbed into it lol so that I could finish this chapter. See how much I love you all! 3 chapers in one day... more tomorrow :) What can I say, I got inspired._**

**_Susie. xoxoxo_**


	42. Chapter 42: Guilt Ridden!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

Ana is sound asleep, lying on our massive bed whilst I sit and watch her even breathing to try and calm my racing heart. I can't believe that I drove her to the point of suicide. I just don't know what to think or do? I feel like a total ass for being frosty with Luke all afternoon. I know I have to apologize but I don't know what to say… I guess I just got really pissed off at him! I look over at the clock and it's just gone 6am in the morning. Sawyer will be up because he does a security sweep of the house and cars before coming up to the main house and waiting to take Ted to school. I throw on a pair of sweats and hoodie and quietly creep from the bedroom where my wife is sound asleep.

I sit at the kitchen table with my head in my hands, trying to think of what the hell to say to him. Why did I have to be such an asshole to Ana and Luke? I groan to myself as I run over the shit I said to her, which was totally out of line, although bringing up my affair in a stupid argument over a pacifier was uncalled for but at least Ana acknowledged that. I look at my watch and Sawyer should be back from his sweep so I call down to the security office.

"Taylor Speaking"

"Taylor, can you send Sawyer to the main house immediately please"

"Sure thing sir" I hang up and wait. Sawyer will probably think I am going to accuse him of screwing Ana, and he's wrong but I did accuse Ana of screwing our children's security. I sit and wait for him and around five minutes later he walks through the kitchen door.

"You wanted to see me, Sir?"

"Take a seat Sawyer" He looks a little uneasy, probably because he thinks I'm going to fire him or make him tell me what's been going on with him and Ana.

"I wanted to have a chat with you about what's been going on around here since Ana and I split up. When you came in this morning, I saw how close you are with my children and wife and I wasn't happy. As you know I have always required a completely professional manner from all my employee's-"

"Sir, I-" I put my hand up to cut him off, I need to tell him that I know. And that I'm grateful for what he done.

"Luke, I accused Ana of having a sexual relationship with you this morning and she… she slapped me and I couldn't understand why, at first I thought that she got mad because of what I'd done at Escala, but something was different about the way that she reacted and I'll admit that I thought she was in love with you. She took the girls and left, not telling me where she was going or when she'd be back. I knew I'd crossed the line. That's why I was terse and frosty with you all day, when Ana came back last night we put the children to bed and we talked. I apologized for accusing her of something I knew she'd never do so now I'm apologizing to you. I am sorry Luke" I look at him and his jaw has popped open.

"I also want to thank you, for – for fixing the mess I created. Ana told me why the two of you are so close. Thank you for saving my wife's life, for stopping her from what she was intending to do"

"Sir-"

"Luke, right now I am talking to you as a friend so lose the formality" He gives me a brief nod and continues.

"Christian… Ana was acting strange with the children all day, she would look at them playing and smile, but she looked so haunted, like she was looking at them for the last time. She took Olivia up to nurse and she'd forgotten the monitor was in the kitchen. I was here alone, Jason was with you and Gail was in the staff house. I listened to Ana say goodbye to Olivia, that she'd always watch over her, and that she was sorry that she wasn't strong enough to move on and cope alone" Ana came downstairs and I hid the monitor in one of the drawers. I pretended that everything was normal and Ana went into the medicine cupboard and took something from it whilst she thought I wasn't paying attention. She told me that she was having an early night and that she didn't want to be bothered. She gave me a sad smile and went upstairs. I called Flynn and told him what I'd heard and that he had to come over right away, he said that he was on his way and to take whatever she was intending to use off of her, and even if she said she hadn't taken any I was still to make her sick" I sit listening to him speak with my head in my hands. I caused this, it was my entire fault. I nearly destroyed the one person I swore that I'd protect, for better or worse.

"Christian, we're still talking as friends and not as employee/employer, right?" I rub my palms over my face and look up at him and nod subtly, I know what's coming and I deserve it anyway.

"I had to watch that woman, my friend pull herself up from rock bottom – because that's where you put her. She had to put her heart back together piece by piece because you shattered it. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that you guys are working things out but if you break her heart again, you'll regret it I can assure you of that" I look at his eyes and I know he means it. I have no intention of hurting Ana again so I give him a nod.

"Well, I better complete my sweep of the car… Sir"

"Sawyer" I acknowledge him as he gets up and leaves the way he came in. I feel so guilty, I don't think I've ever hated myself more than I do right now. I could have had to tell her parents that she killed herself because of me, because I couldn't keep it in my pants; I would have had to bury her with our children because of what I done to her, what I put her through. I just want to hold her in my arms and never let her go. I head back upstairs as the kids will be up soon. I want to get them ready myself, unfortunately it's back to reality on Monday as I have to go back to the office, my empire won't run itself. That's going to bring forth another challenge. Ana and I haven't had to deal with any trust issues yet but I know that each and every day I leave the house and have a lunch meeting, or an unexpected business trip, hell even staying late at the office Ana is going to think that I'm at Escala fucking a submissive.

_Can you really blame her, it's going to take a lot more than few days of good fucking to win her back and you're a fool to believe otherwise._

I head back upstairs and crawl back into our bed. I move her hair away from her face and watch her sleep. She's so beautiful, looking at her right now baffles me that I could risk what we have for what? Allyson Anderson, beating her was worth that much?

"No, please… Christian…" She must be dreaming, she's restless and kicking her legs around in her sleep.

"What about me, what about our children… no… please don't leave us…" Fuck! I lightly run the back of my knuckles down her cheek, my thumbs catching her tears and she calms.

"I'm so sorry baby, more than you'll ever know" I kiss away some of her tears and slowly she opens her eyes, and then launches herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck tightly, her breathing erratic.

"It was just a dream baby, it was just a dream. I'll never leave you or our children!"

"It was so real. You didn't want me anymore, you just wanted her" I rub my hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her. She's crying softly in my arms and I just wish that I could take back all the hurt that I've caused her.

"I love you so much Ana. You and our babies are everything to me, the money, the power, my businesses; none of it mean's anything without you and our children"

"I just… I'm worried and feeling anxiety, and I'm scared that you're going to leave me because of what I told you last night?" I pull her naked form into my lap and wrap the sheet around her; I don't want her to catch a chill.

"Listen to me, I love you Ana. It was me who drove you to that extreme, because I was weak and I let my issues cloud my judgement. I will never leave you Anastasia, I want to grow old and grey with you baby."

"I love you Christian Grey…" She whispers against my neck.

"I love you too baby, mmm that feels good" I add at the end. Her hands are caressing my chest whilst she leaves wet, nipping kisses across my skin. She leans up on her knees and fiddles with the hem of my shirt.

"Do we have enough time?" She asks whilst placing her lips against mine. The things she can do to me.

"I think we'll be okay, if were quick" I smirk against her mouth.

"When have you ever been quick?" She pulls my sweats down and straddles me. Lowering herself onto my length.

"Ahhhh! Fuck you're so wet!" She looks deeply into my eyes as she starts to rise and fall. I move her hair to one side so that I can run my nose up and down her neck, taking in her unique scent. I kiss along the top of her shoulder and work back towards her beautiful lips.

"I love you Christian!" She states as she arches her back and her hair tumbles around her wildly as she moves on top of me. I hold onto her and lower my lips to her nipple whilst my fingers work on the other. I suckle hard and she groans in pleasure.

"Baby, come for me!" She continues to fight her imminent orgasm and I can detect a small smirk playing and teasing at the corners of her lips. I can't help the growl that escapes my chest.

"Let go Ana, give it up for me!" I groan and circle my hips, driving my thrusts upwards whilst sucking hard on her right nipple whilst my thumb and forefinger work the left.

"Shit! Christian! Don't stop!" She moans breathlessly. I continue to suckle her nipple whilst my other hand makes its way down her side, reaching her waist I bring it between her legs and start to massage her throbbing, wet flesh and she can't take it anymore and clenches around my length whilst biting down on my shoulder as I continue to thrust upwards until I come violently inside her.

We're both breathless and lying in each other's arms. I look over at the clock and I know the children will come bouncing in here at any moment so I hand Ana some sweats as I put my own back on. I head into Olivia's nursery to check on her but she's still asleep as is Gracie, whilst Ana wakes Teddy. I still can't believe that I'm here, that we're working on things and life's just getting better with each day that passes. I know that we have a long way to go but I feel like we smashed another massive obstacle last night, we'll have to address Ana's secret in our session today. I wrote my letter to Ana last night after she fell asleep and I'm scared for her to read it. I poured my heart and soul into it and I hope it helps us move further forward. Teddy comes walking from his room, still in his PJ's and his hair sticking on end.

"Come on Ted, let's go get you some breakfast"

"Christian, where's the girls?" Ana asks as she comes out of Ted's room.

"They're still sound asleep, I figured the three of us can go down for breakfast and we'll give the girls some when they wake up" She smiles at me and kisses my lips before we head downstairs.

"I love you Mr Grey, especially when you're all domestic" She smirks at me, I am trying to contain my amusement but it's not really working!

"I love you too baby. Have you written your letter for our appointment yet?" I ask as we descend the staircase.

"Nope, I'm going to write at some point today. What time is our appointment anyway?"

"I think it's at 1:20pm! Remember, Logan will chew you a new one if you don't do the homework, trust me it's not a pleasant experience" Even after all these years her giggle gives me goose bumps.

"I'll be fine because I'm going to write the letter once I've gave Gracie and Olivia their breakfast. Do you have the monitor's?" She asks me and I nod as I pour out Teddy's cereal. I point to where they are sitting and Ana nods, reassured that we'll hear them if they wake.

"Oh, by the way – I have something to tell you, my mom and Ray are coming to visit. Bob is got some sports thing going on so they decided to come for a visit" Ana says apprehensively. I gulp. Shit, I haven't spoken to any of Ana's family since all that shit went down. I'm a little scared to be honest. Ray has repeatedly warned me numerous times over the years that if I hurt Ana he'd hurt me.

"Have you… have you mentioned that we're…y'know back together?" I ask and I see the blush steel across her cheeks as she shakes her head.

"Nope, I haven't said anything. Don't worry I'm sure it'll be fine!" Yeah, sure! It'll be fine if I have a bullet hole between my eyes Ana. Shit, shit, shit!

"Maybe it's better if I just stay at Escala whilst they're here?" I ask pleading that she'll say yes.

"No, I love you, and you love me! We're doing what's best for the kids – just because they gave up on their marriage doesn't mean that we have to give up on ours" She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses my lips.

"It'll be fine Christian. Plus… you're a fast runner!" I look at her, my mouth agape as she giggles and kisses my lips, chin and the tip of my nose.

"I love you baby, even if your father is crazy and tries to shoot me"

"Good to know Mr Grey" I move my hands from their place on her waist, lower and around to her peachy ass, then give it a squeeze and thrust my hips into hers.

"Teddy is sitting at the table you know!"

"Yeah but he doesn't have a clue what I'm doing, and in fifteen years' time he'll have an epiphany and probably require therapy" I state as I kiss her plump lips, I deepen the kiss and feel myself harden even more"

"Ewwwww dad you'll get cooties"

"You can't catch cooties if you're married son. Trust me, you'll get all of this behaviour in a few years Ted" I say as my son frowns looking disgusted.

"Don't bet on it dad" he shakes his head as if to rid himself of the thought and Ana and I burst into laughter.

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_**Please remember to review, I enjoy reading your thoughts. Let the drama commence - next chapter: Allyson's POV! What do you guys think she is going to be doing? What kind of drama/trouble do you want her to cause? I am open to suggestions :)**_


	43. Chapter 43: Plans are made

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

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**Seven months earlier: Allyson's POV!**

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I'm sitting on my living room sofa, lying back with my feet up, trying to relax. It's funny, I'll be sitting doing nothing when suddenly a smell or a sound will transport me to a time when I was really happy, except at that time I thought that I was miserable. Mostly, the times when I remember being happy all involved Richard, and the times when I was miserable involved Richard.

I'll never forget the look on his face when he kicked down that door. He looked like I'd just killed him. I miss him so much. When we met, Mr Grey had just ended our contract and I was devastated, although I had no right to be, he told me the rules his expectations and what I could expect from him, but with each and every weekend we spent together I fell harder and faster in love with him. I remember sitting down to eat dinner with him, he gave me permission to look at him and I just blurted it out…

_"Is something wrong Ms Anderson?" He looked at me quizzically, his head tilted, his nickel colored eyes burning into mine._

_"Mr Grey, permission to speak freely?" He gave me a subtle nod but I could see his facial features harden, he became more angular, colder – his playroom demeanour._

_"I want more, I... I love you and I want more. I could make you so happy if you'd just trust me. I trust you with everything that I am, with my body and my mind and now I trust you with my heart, please trust me with yours?" For the first time in the eight months we'd spent together I saw fear and doubt line his face, he looked lossed and… afraid?_

_"Allyson I thought you understood. I told you at the beginning of our arrangement that I don't want anything more than what we have under contract, you shouldn't love me, that's not right."_

_"Why? We could be so great together, we could still ourselves, you'd be my Dom and I'd be your sub but we could have more, we could be happy if you'd just try?"_

_"No, I told you from the start that I am not interested in 'more'"_

_"So you aren't willing to renegotiate our terms, redefine our parameters?"_

_"No" I could feel the tears brim my eyes and I could feel my heart break, I just want him to want me, to love me, like I want and love him. _

_"Okay, I understand"_

_"I'm sorry Ms Anderson, but we can't continue now that I know you're… feelings for me and on our situation. If you could please pack up your things our contract is officially over, Taylor will help you take your things down when you're ready, he'll also take you back to your apartment; I'll sign over the deeds to you as soon as I can. I'll also continue to give you financial support for 12 months, unless you find another Dom, then I am out of any obligation to you, do you understand?" I want to break down and sob; I just want him to want me? Why is everything so fucking difficult when you're fucked up like we are?_

I went on a total spiral downwards after that. I started drinking, sleeping around with random men in BDSM bars and even they couldn't satisfy my thirst for pain, a true masochist at heart. I then started screwing around with random guys in bars and they certainly didn't satisfy me either, only Mr Grey did, even as fucked up as I was I knew that I'd never find that kind of instant attraction to anyone else until one night three months after Mr Grey kicked me to the curb like the cardboard cut-out sub that I am…

_I am sitting in a random sports bar in downtown Seattle. It was cold outside and I needed a drink. I ordered a jack on the rocks and was swirling the amber liquid around, listening to the satisfying tinkle the ice made against the cut glass tumbler. _

_"Wow, a pretty girl who can drink her hard liquor…" I scoffed and looked up – the most stunning azure blue eyes sparkled down at me, I felt my breath hitch and my mouth dried. I hadn't felt an instant attraction to anyone since… NO! I had to stop thinking about him, he didn't want me so what was the point in pining after him, that's just way to pathetic?!_

**_It is 2008 you are 21, stop your little pity party and have some fun with his guy! _**

_Blue eyes held his hand out to me and I hesitantly took it, feeling the zing of electricity pass through our bodies as our skin met._

_"Hi, Dr Richard Harper, well I've just graduated" I can tell that he is a good man instantly, a strong man with morals, stability and maybe that's just what I need? But then again, why would he want anything to do with me, a teenage runaway, had an abortion at 16, no he wouldn't want anything to do with a nobody like me. He's good and kind; he's everything I'm not. Unless… unless I changed who I was, what if I didn't have my background, what if I was someone else entirely, I didn't have any family anyway so there was no harm nobody would get hurt and I could be happy, for once?_

_"Nice to meet you Dr Harper, my name's Allyson, Allyson Reid" Yes, out with the old Allyson Anderson and in with the new._

Richard saved me that night; god knows how much further low I could have gotten? He loved me, lavished me with attention, with support and guidance. He gave me everything that I could ever want, but he never gave me what I thought I needed, when the irony is that it took me losing him to know that I didn't need it after all. Eight months after meeting him we were married. He was wealthy, from an affluent family and lucky for me, I was taught how to fit into that world, it was completely effortless, who knew that being a sub for wealthy business men would be such useful experience?

The only thing is, when you pretend to be someone else, it isn't long before your true colors start to show through, after a year of trying to get pregnant, which I didn't want, what the hell did someone like me want with a baby? I tried for him though; he saved me from the gutter of society –although he didn't know it, that's exactly where I was headed– the least I could give him in return was a baby. I loved him, even back then I always knew that I loved him, but sometimes love just isn't enough. Richard worked his way up in status, ending up being an ob/gyn to the rich and famous of Seattle. I was a trophy wife, not to him but to me that's all I felt like. I couldn't be myself; I had to constantly try to fit into his world. He didn't know how fucked up and depraved I was. When we didn't get pregnant he suggested going to see one of his colleagues who told us that my womb was killing off his sperm before it got a chance to fertilize my eggs. That we should try taking fertility drugs and adjust my diet and lifestyle and see if those changes worked. In combination with the drugs I wasn't allowed to drink, eat fatty foods, don't do this Ally, don't eat that Ally, and elevate your legs Ally! I felt like all I was to him was a breeding machine, we didn't have sex to feel intimate or to connect, and certainly wasn't to show our love for each other, no it was all about reproduction, consulting charts for when I was most fertile, getting a shot in my ass every single morning I was sick of it.

When we still didn't get pregnant after another year we went back to see the doctor, who told us that he was positive that with IVF we would conceive. But to me I had my answer; Mother Nature went a very long way to stop me from having a child because no one like me should ever have a child. I was depraved, wrong, and sick in the head, I thrived on extreme pain, found sexual gratification in being beaten? What kind of mother could I possibly make? That's when our problems really begun. We didn't talk, we were like passing ships in the night, the only time we'd even pretend to acknowledge each other's existence was when his family were around or we were at some benefit for the hospital, we were very good at pretending to be happy, pretending to be in love. Although, I guess we were – we were just making each other suffer. I didn't want a baby, and he did. That's when I stopped fighting myself, I tried to be good, I tried to have a normal, happy life and all I did was make the one person who'd given me everything miserable.

I started to frequent the BDSM scene again, getting my kicks in a way only the truly sick could. Richard had some kind of conference in New York, I hadn't been to the club in a few weeks because I sensed that Richard was suspicious, there was no point in hurting him even more than I already was, and well I loved him, I never stopped loving him throughout all my shit I always loved him. I was right, he was suspicious, suspicious enough to lie about a trip and follow me. He filed for divorce few months later. Once it was finalized I decided that Allyson Harper, -Reid should disappear, so that I couldn't hurt him anymore. I had to disapear; I moved to the outskirts of Seattle and went back to my original identity, the real me. Three years later I was still living in my crappy apartment, still working my crappy waitress job, and I was still hopelessly in love with Richard Harper, I hadn't had sex since the night he caught me, I just didn't want anything anymore, all I wanted was him but he deserved to be truly happy, he deserved to have that wonderful wife who'd have his babies, who'd bake them cookies for after dinner and that certainly wasn't me! The morning started out like any other, I got up, worked out, walked my dog, cleaned the house, and went to work. I hated my job, I hated my life! All I wanted was to be back where I belonged. It was getting harder and harder to fight the urge to go looking for Richard, to apologize, to beg him to take me back… I decided that I needed a sign, I needed the great gods above to tell me what to do with my life, whether to go find my ex-husband or not, and I got my sign.

I remember four years after marrying Richard I was sitting in the house, watching some breakfast TV show and the entertainment section announced that Seattle's most eligible bachelor had been snapped up, I couldn't believe that Christian Grey was married, I could tell that he was happy, you just needed to look at the pair of them to know that they were hopelessly in love and I had Richard and that's all that mattered. When Christian walked into the restaurant that I worked in I knew I had my sign, it seems the fates had decided that Richard and I weren't good for each other, but he hardly paid one blind bit of attention to me, barely acknowledged my presence, except when he ordered, and when I cleared his table. He did leave me a $200 dollar tip though. I tried to put him out of my mind but no matter what I did, I couldn't get his mesmerizing grey eyes to leave me alone, they haunted me in my dreams for a solid week. It was my night off and I decided to stay in and catch up on some household chores, I spent the whole morning cleaning, I'd let the place go, I was depressed but that was no excuse so I cleaned until the place looked gleaming. I had just finished cleaning the kitchen…

_I put away the bottle of bleach in the cupboard and was about to take out the trash when the doorbell rang, that's odd because I know I don't have any friends and I sure as hell didn't order any take out. I put the trash back in the bin and went to answer the door._

_"Hi Allyson, would I be able to come inside and speak with you for a moment?" I instantly looked at the floor, holy shit, what the hell is he doing here?_

_"Look at me Allyson" I slowly rake my eyes up his body, lingering at the very definite bulge in his pants finally resting on his gorgeous eyes._

_"Come inside Sir" I move to the side to let him enter the apartment and I am really fucking glad that I spent the day cleaning now!_

_I sit down on the sofa and Master sits across from me, his elbows resting on his thighs with his hands threaded together._

_"Allyson, I'm sorry for the intrusion. Since seeing you at the restaurant I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I wanted to know if you would want to come to some sort of arrangement between us, I have needs and I know that you can help me with those. Your NDA from the last time is limitless; meaning that if anything happens between us in our lifetime the NDA still covers it. I assume your hard and soft limits are the same?" My heart was hammering in my chest and for the first time since Richard had caught me at the club I felt excitement, I felt alive._

_"Yes sir, they are the same… sir" I smiled at the groan he tried to stifle. No man had ever been able to satisfy my darkest desires like he could. He's the only one who has ever used enough force and brutality; he could soothe the beast within her with the beast within him. _

_"Do we have an arrangement then Allyson?" He asked, and a fantastic grin fought to play on my lips but I controlled it. That's one thing a sub must always have… self-control because without it, hmm, the possibilities are endless._

_"Yes sir, are your rules the same, 4 hours per week working out, proscribed list of foods, full body wax?" I asked, wanting to know my role, my place within his life._

_"No, my rules have changed, as long as you don't touch me and don't tell anyone about us you're free to do as you please –I will help you out financially though" He said as he looked around my humble apartment._

_"Okay sirs, then we have an arrangement. Where do I sign?" I ask and he looks momentarily uncomfortable._

_"There's no contract, this is just a verbal contract" That's odd, one thing about Mr Grey, was that he always had his paperwork. But that didn't matter, I just wanted him to give me hard-core pain, and then fuck me and as long as that's part of the deal then I'm game. I smirk as I come up with a way to be punished. I have had permission to look at him since he asked to come inside so I look directly in his eyes and smirk,_

_"Where does your… wife fit into our arrangement? What's her name…? Amber?" His face instantly hardened and I knew that I was in for a rough ride and that's just what I wanted._

_"MY wife is none of your concern – her name is Ana not that fact is any of your business!" He walked over to me and wrapped his hand around my ponytail and tugged hard so that my head was turned to the side._

_"All week, when I should have been playing with my children, I was thinking about you. All week when I was fucking my wife I was thinking about punishing you, what do you have to say about that Ms Anderson hmm?" I knew my place and I fell into my old role instantly, fixing my contrite expression on my face just for him._

_"I'm sorry sir, I'm sorry for making you think about me" I refused to meet his gaze, focusing on an invisible piece of lint on the floor._

_"What do you think you deserve for these transgressions?" _

_"I deserve to be punished sir"_

_"And you will be, take me to your bedroom and get me something to bind you with" He states as he let's go of my hair, my panties are soaking wet and I am throbbing just for him._

After he gave me 20 lashes with my own belt he fucked me hard and fast, as soon as he was done he showered, and left. I didn't hear from him for three weeks, I was beside myself wondering if or when he'd show up again. He eventually called telling me that he was sending a car to pick me up, which was going to bring me to his penthouse. I never thought that I'd ever see Escala again. For four months we saw each other twice a week for two hour sessions of TPE, it was bliss. I was finally me again, the real me. We were at Escala one Wednesday lunch time, we'd always meet at lunch time, I expect it was so the little wife didn't find out about his illicit activities he told me that he wanted me at Escala at 1pm on Saturday, that we'd be spending the night and day together. I knew that he'd want more, we were more, we were more grown up, more mature, more everything. So I went over there and he walked in, he looked stressed and he asked me to join him on the sofa for a glass of wine so that we could talk…

_"Allyson, join me for a glass of wine – we need to talk" My heart soared, in all the eight months I spent as his sub we never, ever talked. I knew that he'd want more with me; his wife had prepared him, torn down his walls for someone like me, someone who could meet those dark needs but also be more for him. He's going to leave her for me I just know it._

_"Yes sir" He went over to the kitchen area and poured out two glasses of chilled white wine, then brought them over to where I was sitting._

_"Allyson, my wife…" I know it, he's leaving her, he doesn't want her … he wants me._

_"…well, she's everything to me. I love her deeply and what I'm doing, what we're doing isn't fair to her" I just wanted to jump into his arms, to touch him freely to make him mine._

_"I was supposed to take my son, he's eight… I was supposed to camp with him tonight and I had to tell him that I was working this weekend. I can't get his disappointed expression out of my head" He takes a swig of his wine as do I, I always knew that he could love me if he'd only try._

_"Ana called me just before I left the office and I can't get her voice out of my head either. What we're doing isn't fair on them. I'm destroying my own children. My daughter Gracie is a real daddy's girl, and she missed me last night… Ana called to tell me how much she loves me and how much they miss me at home and what am I doing? Screwing around with a submissive, in the apartment where we fell in love, where we conceived our son." He shakes his head and for the first time I feel fear, shit. He's ending things with me isn't he?_

**_No shit Sherlock, how long did it take you to figure that out? Have you seen his wife, she is a total goddess, why would he want fast food when he's got five star dining at home?_**

_"Allyson, I've become what I always swore I'd never be the bastard husband & father who screws around so much that he hasn't got time for his own family. I can't do this with you anymore. We'll do this scene and then I'm going home. I have to go home" I swallowed the lump in my throat and held onto my tears, I don't want him to know that I am in love with him, I'll spare myself the rejection this time._

_"I agree with you, not that my opinion matters but home is where you should be" He looks at me like he is shocked._

_"Mr Grey, I'm 32 now – I was a little girl when I was your sub the first time around, I'm older and wiser now. I know that what we have is just sex, nothing more" I felt my heart break when I see his shoulders sag in relief and he released a massive breath._

_"Please go upstairs and get yourself ready, I'll expect you to be ready and waiting for me when I come upstairs"_

I shake my head as if to rid myself of that particular memory, although the aftermath was worth the emotional pain I'd suffered when he ended our arrangement. Seeing Anastasia Grey, the fucking saint standing there looking like a beached whale, crying about her husband's infidelity was priceless, if he wasn't getting it at home sweetheart he'll get it somewhere else… she learned that the hard way.

_I can't believe this is it, it's over. He removes my restraints and turns around, all I hear is the tub of cream hitting the wooden floor and I turned around to see his precious wife standing in the doorway of the playroom. I had to use every bit of strength to hide my smirk. She looked so pathetic, standing there obviously having made an effort to come and see her husband – she was pretty if you're into the homemaker thing, especially as she is heavily pregnant. She looks at me with pure hate and then looks at Mr Grey once more and turns on her heel and leaves the doorway leaving us with nothing but the sound of resounding silence. Mr Grey stands for a split second and springs into life._

_"Allyson, get dressed and leave, our contract is officially over and is null in void. Have a nice life – the service elevator code is 762232" Then turns and leaves yelling for 'Ana' to wait. I can't believe what's just happened. Her and her stupid fucking brats have ruined everything. I grab the robe that hangs on the back of the door and slip out of the playroom, and into the sub room. I quickly get dressed and head down the service stairs. As I'm about to go for the elevator I can hear their hushed voices so I creep closer until I can hear what they're saying to each other and closer still so that I can see them a little._

_Christian grabs her hand and spins her around to face him. He reaches out and places one of his massive skilled hands on her swollen bulge and rests his forehead against hers. _

_"Ana, I love you baby. I love you so much. Please I… I'm so" He stops mid-sentence because the bitch takes a deep breath and exhales._

_"You know how much I wish that was enough." She states teary eyed. He takes her face in his hands and wipes her tears away_

_"Christian, I don't understand why? Why wasn't I enough?" Her voice cracks and a sob escapes her chest. Which pleases me in a petulant way, you can't satisfy him baby, and we're too fucked up for vanilla relationships._

_"Baby, please let me explain, she mean's noth…" I have to admit that that stung, so I mean nothing. She shot her hand up to stop him from finishing his statement, plus he's just saying that to get you to take him back and you are a fool if you believe it._

_"You don't get it Christian. I couldn't give a shit if 'she' meant nothing. Fact is whilst I was at home consoling your daughter because her 'daddy' wasn't there to tuck her into bed last night. She wouldn't go to sleep, Teddy couldn't sleep because Grace was making so much noise, and I ended up having to take them both into bed beside me. Gracie cried so bad, I had to comfort her; Teddy was so disappointed that you couldn't take him out back camping like you promised. I had to explain to him that you didn't have a choice, you had to stay in the city to work this weekend, but in actual fact, you let your son and daughter down BECAUSE YOU WERE OUT FUCKING ANOTHER WOMAN" Oh, the bitch is brave. It's obvious who the boss is in their relationship and it sure aint Mr G._

_"Ana. Baby please, you know I can't survive without you. I'm begging you please don't leave me" Hearing Christian Grey begging is a wonder to behold. What the hell does this bitch have, two vagina's?_

_"Well you should have thought about that before fucking some other woman! I don't want you in our home. You can stay here with your submissive whore. I'm sure she'll keep your nightmares away." I want to run over there and slap the bitch; there is no need to call me a whore!_

**_YOU WERE FUCKING HER HUSBAND, YOU ARE A WHORE! BY DEFINITION!_**

_"Luke!" She yells_

_"Yes Ma'am?" Who the hell is that? Oh, security…_

_"Luke please take me home. I need to get home for Grace and Teddy. At least they have one parent who gives a shit."_

_"Ma'am" I don't envy his job right now, wow this shit's better than a Spanish soap opera and I have front row seats._

_"Ana, I'm coming home tonight; and it's my fucking house too. You can't tell me not to come home. You don't have the right to keep me from my house or my children" Oh shit, she's going to attack him, hell even I know that you never provoke a pregnant and hormonal woman!_

_"I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT? I'VE JUST WALKED IN ON YOU FUCKING ANOTHER WOMAN AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL ME I DON'T HAVE THE RI…" Uh-oh, a pool of liquid gushes down her legs and all over the floor, this is going to start to get messy. I turn around and head for the service elevator and try and come up with a plan to win him back!_

A week later I came up with a plan. I kept going over the conversation he had with me when he arrived at Escala that Saturday evening, then I thought about the first interaction he had with Ana after she caught us and I knew I had my answer. I found a top rate fertility clinic that boasted about having every kind of donor but the donor I wanted was very specific, he needed to be over 6ft tall, have dark copperish hair and grey eyes. I have blue eyes so if I couldn't find a donor with grey eyes and copper hair then a blue eyed donor would work. I had the procedure done out of state, just to be safe. The wait to find out if I was successful was agonizing, I only had a four week window or the dates wouldn't match up to the last time I had sex with Mr Grey and my plan would be shot to shit.

When I attended the clinic last week and they gave me the news that I was indeed pregnant I was fucking elated. Ana and Christian were still separated and obviously not getting back together any time soon! I know that being a single mother to _his _child he would be with me and we could raise this baby together and who knows, we may be able to actually have a baby together later on, one that's really his.

I'm not stupid; I know that if I tell him right now my wonderful plan will be shot to shit because he would make me have an abortion to protect his _precious _Anastasia. So that means that for the next 8 months I'm going to have to lay real low, keep out of trouble so that he doesn't know what is coming till it smacks him in the face!

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**_Okay, Allyson's point of view is set five weeks after Ana caught Christian & Ally in the playroom. I decided to write out her entire plan so that I didn't leave you guys hanging. Tomorrow I have a shit-ton of homework to do but I promise that I will try to squeeze out another chapter tonight which will be the therapy session, and a surprize for Ana. Don't worry, the surprize has nothing to do with Allyson or the Faby (fake-baby, I know I'm not that good at combo names pmsl!) _**

**_So, I know a lot of you didn't want this outcome but you now know that the baby isn't really Christians. Please stick with this as you all know that one person can save Ana and Christian's relationship… but the question is, will he? Or is he tired of being the good guy, the guy that puts other's happiness before his own? What do you lot think he'll do? Also, how to you guys think C&A will deal with this?_**

**_I hope you guys stick with me down this road. You guys know the baby isn't his and you know what they say…_**

'The truth will always come out in the end, and if it doesn't then it isn't the end'


	44. Chapter 44: It's all in the letter

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

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We've been sitting discussing everything that's gone on in the last week with Dr Logan. We've talked about Christian freaking out about the pacifier, about me bringing up his affair. Then we moved onto me supposedly fucking Sawyer, then about my attempted suicide which I assure her that I am better. Although I still don't know if I would have gone through with it or not, but at least I'll never have to know.

"So, you have been engaging in sexual activities with each other?" She asks and we both nod as Christian plays with the wedding and engagement rings on my finger, then slowly brings my hand to his lips as he leaves a lingering kiss on top of the rings.

"Okay, now we've covered a great deal in this session but as far as your reconciliation goes, living in the past isn't going to solve anything, you can't change what happened no matter how much you may wish too? The only thing that you can change is your future, to choose where you want to be in twenty years' time, who do you want to be with then? Who do you want to grow old and grey with?"

"Ana, without a doubt I want to be with Ana, I want to grow old and grey with her and have tonnes of grandchildren running around the house!" She turns her attention to me waiting for my answer

"I want to grow old and grey with you too Christian" I give his hand another squeeze and smile shyly.

"Okay, so you both have a common goal to work towards. From this point forward, you cannot bring up those past transgressions as all they will do is make it harder for you both to get where you want to be"

"Okay" Christian and I say together then chuckle quietly at each other.

"Ana, you obviously took the breakdown of your marriage harder than you were willing to admit. You've said numerous times that you are better now, are you really?" I think about her question, constantly aware of Christian's increasing grip on my hand. I slowly raise my gaze to meet Christian's whilst I speak to Dr Logan.

"Yes, I am much better…" I turn my gaze back to Dr Logan and take a deep breath.

"But I am worried, right now things are okay because Christian isn't at the office, he hasn't been anywhere without me. I know that when he goes back to work after this weekend, that's when our real struggles will begin with the issue of lost trust. I am worried about that, I'm worried that every time he goes out the door I am going to be thinking 'Is he really where he says or is he with some submissive?' and I don't know how to handle those thoughts" I steal a quick glance at Christian and his eyes are closed as if in pain. I have to be honest in these sessions or this won't work.

"Ana, I commend your honesty, it's the right approach. Trust me when I say that sugar coating things in favour of making your partner feel better will make things worse in the long run" She pointedly stares at Christian whilst she said that.

"Christian, I know it's hard to hear Ana's fears and insecurities but you need to know everything that she is feeling because when you do go back to the office you are going to have to work your ass off to regain her trust"

"I know Logan, and I will. I'll do everything I possibly can to regain Ana's trust. No matter how hard it is for me to sit and listen to how much of Ana's faith I crushed, how my actions have made her feel about herself, I'll endure it because she deserves a better husband, and I will work my ass off to become the husband and father she and our kids deserve" My eyes glisten with unshed tears as I listen to the determined tone in Christian's voice. I believe him, I believe that we will make it through this.

"Okay, let's move onto the letters then shall we? Who would like to start?" Christian pulls out his envelop from the inside pocket of his blazer as I take mines from my purse.

"Ana, would you mind if I went first?" He asks me, his facial expression pained but resolute.

"No, I don't mind at all. Just remember that I love you okay, no matter what!" I lean up and kiss his temple, then settle back in my seat.

"So how are we doing this then? Do I read it out loud, do you read it or does Ana read it?" Dr Logan smiles at us both and puts her notebook and pen down on the coffee table that sits between us.

"You'll read your letters to each other, facing each other. After you've both finished we'll discuss your thoughts on each other's issues, fears and concerns. Don't worry about how much time we have left because I cleared all my appointments to help you both through this… for a fee of course" She smiles wryly at Christian and shakes his head muttering "shrinks" under his breath.

"I heard that Christian" She states back with a smirk

"You were supposed to" He smirks back.

"Whenever you're ready… time is money Christian" He chuckles darkly and turns to face me as I do the same. He takes a deep breath and takes the letter out of its envelope, then takes my hand and reads it to me.

* * *

_My dearest Anastasia,_

_From the moment you fell into my office I knew that I'd have to make you mine. I tried to fight it for as long as I could, which really wasn't long at all. For the five days that followed your interview I thought of nothing but you. I was horrible to everyone I came into contact with because I couldn't understand how the one hour that I spent in your company could affect me so? After five days of hell I decided to fly up to visit you at work. _

_After spending some time with you over tea I knew that you were everything I wasn't. You were pure; at the time I didn't know just how pure you were but I knew it none the less. You were kind, trusting, special, warm, you were, and still are the very definition of 'goodness' and you deserved the very best in life and I couldn't give you that, the very reason we're here proves that. When we walked back to the hotel and you fell, you looked up at me with those guileless eyes and I wanted to kiss you so badly, but I had to at least try to resist you, you deserved better than I could ever give you and you still do. I told you that I wasn't the man for you and as I walked away, I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I left a part of me with you._

_The first time you came to Escala and I showed you the playroom. I couldn't wait to take you in there, to finally make you mine in every way possible. My great plans were shot to shit when you told me of your complete lack of experience. I was so mad, mad at you, mad at myself, at the whole universe for bringing you into my life just to take you away. I couldn't believe that someone so completely innocent was calmly discussing punishments, soft and hard limits with absolutely zero experience. I also couldn't believe that someone so pure, warm and heart stoppingly beautiful could have avoided sex for so long? But then it hit me, I realised that you were probably terrified of me and my ways and wanted to leave but just didn't know how to go about it. I had to offer you an out. When you didn't want to leave I felt little flutters in the pit of my stomach and at the time I didn't know what the hell those feelings were, I put it down to the fact that I was excited because you were truly mines in every way, I was going to go where no man –or woman for that matter– had gone before._

_I knew that I couldn't take you into the playroom straight away because I didn't want to scare you and have you running for the hills. I have a great many regrets in life Anastasia, – forgetting the obvious regret that has us in this situation– my biggest is how I treated you that night._

_I had intended to make love to you, be gentle and kind, slow and deep. When I took you into my bedroom and undressed you I felt like a kid opening up the greatest Christmas present. I knew that I'd hurt you, all jokes aside I'm not exactly little and well, every woman's first time hurts. But when I got into bed beside you all coherent thoughts left me and I was so callous and rough with you, only thinking about myself, and staking my claim, my sense of proprietorship. You have no idea how much my treatment of you that night has plagued me over the course of our relationship. Almost as much as the one time that I punished you seriously._

_I wish that I could sit here and give you some valid reason for doing what I done, but I can't. Nothing I can say can validate what I did, the pain I caused you and our children. I hate to admit this Ana but prior to my father telling me you had sought his advice on divorcing me, I never truly believed that you were serious about us being over. The following week you requested to come over to Escala because you wanted answers, and I was terrified that you were coming over to ask for a divorce. I was shaking; I vomited straight after I spoke with you on the phone and right at that moment I told myself that no matter what I wasn't going to let you go. I decided that I would refuse to sign, or at least drag the process out long enough to convince you that I was truly sorry._

_I arrogantly thought that you'd never go through with it, with any of the things you'd said you were going to do. Although I knew I'd hurt you, I didn't realise just how much this whole situation had affected you until you showed up that night. You walked in and you looked radiant, you were absolutely stunning but it was just a mask, I could see you crumbling just below the surface and I knew I'd caused that, so I switched myself off to it – tried to ignore the heart break in your eyes. All I had to do was convince you that I was sorry, that was my initial goal… but as we spoke I saw the hurt and the pain. I could literally see the pain and sadness taint those gorgeous innocent eyes. I got on my knees and begged you for another chance, and the heartbreak I'd caused was like an aura surrounding you at that point, yet you still told me you loved me, up until that moment I promised myself to do whatever possible to get you to give me another chance. That's when I realised that, all I did was cause you pain and heartache. That I was right when I first met you, that you were all the things I wasn't and that I never deserved to have someone like you, because look at the pain I caused you. That night I let you go, I finally put your happiness before my own, and for the most part I was happy that you could move on with your life, and I swore to myself that if the time come and you met someone else that I'd let you be, that I'd let that person heal your heart. _

_The seven months we spent apart were hell. Each second hurt more than the last. I endured the crushing emptiness for the stolen seconds that I got to spend with you and our children, where I could pretend that you were still mine and I was still yours. The day that you filed for legal separation I felt like I was going to have a heart attack, the pain was unbearable and each second that I spent hurting I knew that where ever you were, you were hurting more and that you'd done nothing to deserve that pain other than love me wholeheartedly. When Teddy told me that you'd started dating, it was like a knife twisting in my dark soul and I guess now is the time to admit that I immediately subscribed to a google alert for pictures and stories added to the world wide web regarding your name. I was never worried about the guys you were going on dates with, I knew from experience what your face looked like when you were thinking delicious thoughts and I never saw you give those guys one single look like that._

_However, one weekend I had the children I had a bad nightmare –the kind where I'd welcome my childhood nightmares to escape the new ones that had taken over, ones where you married someone else, and my children called him dad instead of me. It was about 2am and I was working in my office, trying to do anything to take my mind off of you and I received an alert that some entertainment blog had posted pictures of you and an accompanying story. I felt my heart break when I saw the pictures of you and Richard dancing, kissing and having fun. You looked at him like you used to look at me and it was right then and there that I knew I was going to lose you. The morning after you called me and told me about your date with him. I didn't want to lose you, but I didn't know what to say or what to do for the best? That evening my mother came over because she'd seen the newspapers and wanted to know how I was doing. She convinced me that you were worth fighting for and I knew she was right. I went to the restaurant you were dining at, then followed you back to his place. _

_I can honestly say that up until I saw you being intimate with Richard, I didn't really understand the level of pain I'd put you through. When you started to tell him what you thought about me, and our life together. I had never been more ashamed of myself. To know that you thought so little of yourself, that you weren't enough to keep me, that I never truly loved you and that I had done nothing but lie to you about my feelings… I felt like someone had taken my heart and crushed it whilst I watched you sleep with him. I begged and pleaded with you to stop, to look up and see me. I warred with myself because I wanted to kick down the door and kill him with my bare hands but I knew that it wasn't him I was angry at, it wasn't even you either. The only person that I was mad at was myself because it was I who put you in that situation. If I had just communicated how I was feeling, about my feelings of lost control we could have worked through it together. I swear to you here and now Anastasia Grey, I will share each and every single thought that ever goes through my head, I will spend my life worshiping you, proving to you that you are everything to me and that I will stop at nothing to be worthy of your love once again. _

_You and our children are my life. I will never forget your worth again baby I promise you of that. I am so grateful that you have found it in your heart to support me wholeheartedly in my endeavour to sort myself out, and I promise that I will give this everything I've got._

_I remember telling you once that I didn't have a heart and you disagreed with me. I still believe that I was right Ana, how could I have a heart when I callously broke yours?_

_Regardless where this journey may take us, please know that you are it for me. As I said above, I didn't have a heart… until I met you Ana. You and our children are my heart and you mean the world to me. You will be forever imprinted on my heart because it was you who gave it to me baby._

_With everything that I am and everything I will be, I love you, I always have and I always will. I cannot lose you Ana, I just can't._

_I solemnly vow that I will safeguard and hold dear and deep in my heart our union and you.  
I promise to love you faithfully, forsaking all others, through the good times and the bad, in sickness or in health, regardless of where life takes us._

_I will protect you, trust you and respect you. I will share your joys and sorrows and comfort you in times of need._

_I promise to cherish you and up hold your hopes and dreams and keep you safe at my side._

_All that is mine is now yours. I give you my hand, my heart and my love from this moment on for as long as we both shall live._

_I want to spend the rest of my life with you Ana._

Forever I will give you more.  
Christian.

* * *

Tears have been streaming down my face during the majority of his letter. Everything that I needed to hear was contained within its text. All four pages long, written in his beautiful script. He had to pause several times to reign in his emotions, and I don't know how I'm supposed to get though my letter if I couldn't make it through his? I lean across and take his face in my hands, wiping away his tears and place my lips upon his in a sweet-I-love-you kiss, what I wouldn't give to be able to jump him right now…

"Ana, are you ready?" I take a deep breath and nod, unfolding the letter I spent all morning putting together.

* * *

**_I am starting to really freaking hate guest reviewers. I really don't understand what makes people read it, then just say something nasty? When I read a story I don't like, I just stop reading it, so why do you feel the need to put me down?_**

**_To the guest who wrote that 'wow you couldn't sink any lower' or words to that effect._**

**_ I hope that one day, something you are really proud of, something that you've poured your heart and soul into due to your own life experiences gets laughed off the face of the planet and your left feeling like I am now. I hope that you are proud of yourself for putting others down because guess what… job accomplished!_**

**_Thank you to all who have supported me in this story! – Susie. xo_**


	45. Chapter 45: It's all in the letter pt:2

**As always all rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

_**I just have to add this, I got a total of 84 reviews on the last chapter alone, and that is crazy. I will definitely let that little fact make my head swell even bigger than it was before! ;)**_

* * *

My heart was beating against my chest so hard, my mouth went dry and my palms were sweating and slightly shaking as Ana unfolded her letter, taking a deep breath, as did I; she began to read.

_To my love,_

_Christian, before I met you I was just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life. I wasn't interested in having any kind of relationship until you showed up with your flashy cars, your expensive designer suits and your massive penthouse apartment. You spent your life hiding in your ivory tower too afraid to live life. I always knew the man you were capable of being, right from the very beginning of our relationship. So I tore down the walls that protected your heart brick by brick and unearthed a truly loving, wonderful, and generous man. You also turned out to be an outstanding father, and for me – that's your greatest accomplishment and always will be._

_You see, I was a different person before I met you. I didn't see myself as anything special, I definitely didn't see myself as beautiful or sexy. When we first met, I certainly didn't see myself as worthy of a man like you. Regardless of what I considered to be true, you slowly built up my self-belief, my self-worth and made me believe that I __**was**__ beautiful, sexy and worthy of someone like you._

_To me, it felt like one minute I was bookworm Ana Steele, who spent the majority of her life in the confines of her bedroom with a good book. Then the next minute you'd transported me to a world filled with rich colors, of excitement. You taught me about sexuality, the art of seduction and how to embrace pleasure and pain; the two sides of the same coin. Then I was married to one of the most powerful and successful men in the country, I became a mother and a CEO of my own publishing company. Things moved so fast that my head was constantly spinning; not that I regret the fact that we moved fast, because I was truly happy for the first time in my entire life I felt like things were going the right way for me._

_You made me believe in true love, and that soul mates do exist and that we found ours in each other. Eventually you convinced me that I do deserve you and the life you introduced me to. I learned to be sexy, because that's what you deserved. I learned to believe in myself because you taught me how to achieve that. That anything is possible if you just believe. _

_I adored our life together. Waking up next to you every morning, seeing and watching you grow into your role as a wonderful father and husband was my greatest pleasure in life!_

_When I decided to go to Escala that night, I was so excited. I just wanted you to wrap me in your arms and would you believe… to take me into your playroom? Standing there, watching you with her, listening to the words you've grunted at me get said to her. That was the real pain, not the actual act, but to question every single thing you have ever said to me, including the fact that I was beautiful, sexy, and worthy. I just wanted to leave that place and never go back but you wouldn't let me. Christian I can't even begin to describe how I felt standing at the elevator whilst you begged and pleaded with me, I wish I could name the emotions I felt but I can't. Then for you to start yelling at me was unbelievable. The true tragedy in our twisted love story is that whilst we stood and verbally eviscerated each other Olivia was affected so seriously that it got to the point where she had to come early, because my blood pressure was so severe that she couldn't stay inside me, the one place where she was supposed to be protected the most._

_Which is ironic because, the one person who swore to protect me broke my heart? In all the time I have known you, I have watched you bury your truths; evade your feelings and concerns in favour of protecting your loved ones – but this time it backfired on you. If you'd just told me, gave me some sort of inkling or clue I would have gone into that playroom and let you do whatever you wanted to me rather than try and fix the fall out and repair the damage done to our marriage._

_An old quote comes to mind…_

_'Forgiveness is the fragrance flowers give when they are crushed'_

_Throughout our troubles, I have learned the definition of being a strong, independent woman. I learned how to survive on my own. I am stronger than I have ever been before, and this is what I will bring into our marriage now, my own strength. I will never be the same girl you fell in love with because she no longer exists, she was crushed just like the flowers in the quote, but I now I am the embodiment of the fragrance that comes afterward. _

_They also say that love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to. Christian, after what we have been through this past year, we can get through anything. I will never love anyone so completely, so irrevocably, the way I love you._

_I give you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, to stand by your side in good times and in bad, to share your joy as well as your sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals and dreams, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to share my hopes and dreams with you, and bring you solace in times of need. And to cherish you for as long as we both shall live._

_So, in this letter I am standing by you through the bad times and using all my faith to trust you with my heart once more, and hope and pray that you won't break it again because, regardless of the strength I have gained throughout this chapter in our life together, I don't think I could survive pain like that again._

_I want you to come home for good Christian, effective immediately. Our children and I need you… we'll always will._

_I love you and I will forever be your more._

_Your loving wife. x_

* * *

Her voice trembled and her chin quivered from the beginning to the end. She wants me to come home for good? I'm getting to move back in permanently? I lean over and kiss away her tears,

"I love you so much Christian – please, don't hurt me like this again because I won't survive it" A few tears escaped my eyes and I clenched my teeth to stop more from falling.

"Ana, I can't bear that I've hurt you so badly, but I will spend my life trying to right that wrong"

"I know, and we'll get through this Christian. It doesn't matter what's happened this last year, our life begins here and now, right at this moment we have a clean slate and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you" Ana says as tears stream down her cheeks with a massive smile on her face that could light up Escala. I couldn't stand it any longer I moved across the couch and pulled her into my lap, burying my face in neck as we cried tears of sadness, tears of pain, and tears of joy that this horrible fucking year was over, and the rest of our lives were just beginning. After a good fifteen minutes of holding each other we both seemed to remember where we were and that we weren't alone. Ana moved off my lap and got us both a tissue from Logan's proffered box. I clasped Ana's hand in mine as we both focused on the good doctor to get her verdict. We both looked at each other in shock as we seen Dr Logan wipe away a tear of her own.

"Ana, Christian… in all the years I have worked in this field I have never witnessed a love as deep as yours. The reason that I ask couples to write each other a letter isn't so that your partner knows how you feel, it is so that I can observe how you support each other throughout the reading.

Christian, whilst you were reading your letter to Ana, a few times you had to pause due to your emotional state and each time you did, Ana shared a touch, a look or even just a simple smile with you, providing constant reassurance that she was okay, that she was coping with the extreme emotions in the room. After you finished, she leaned over and wiped your tears and kissed you, which gave you reassurance that the words you wrote didn't cause her any ill will towards you.

Ana, whilst you were reading yours, Christian was hanging on your every word, wincing at some of your hard truths, but still looking at you like you were his reason for living. When you finished reading your letter he leaned in – just as you did – and kissed away your tears, and apologized and offered you reassurance that he will try his best to be a better husband.

I want to say to you both that you have a beautiful relationship, though it's flawed, I know that you will make it through this chapter and come out stronger than ever before" I look to my beautiful wife, with red puffy eyes and a radiant smile that hasn't been present on her face since before Olivia was born.

"I also have to tell you that, in all the years I have witnessed the readings of letters, never have I been moved to tears, until today. I urge you both to keep the channels of communication open. Christian, you have to continue to share your thoughts, feelings and fears with Ana, and not be afraid that she won't be able to handle whatever truths you need to tell; I think she's proved over and over again throughout the course of your marriage that she is stronger than she looks, after all she handles you on a daily basis. Ana, you have to learn to not get frustrated when Christian fails to share these thoughts, feelings and fears and try to reassure him without being angry and irritated with him because from birth Christian has dealt with his emotions alone because there was no one to get reassurance from in his early years and by the time he was adopted the damage was already done. He built up walls, to protect himself from being hurt until as you said 'tore them down, brick by brick' he is now having to readjust lifelong behaviour patterns, and find _new and improved _coping mechanisms. I think you have both achieved so much in this session; I want you to continue to work with each other and continue your weekly joint and solo sessions with me for the time being. You should be proud of each other today"

I take Ana's left hand and place a light kiss on her wedding and engagement rings.

"I love you Mrs Grey, although the 'L' word doesn't come close to what I feel for you!" I state honestly.

"I love you too Christian; and I feel the same way about the 'L' word" She giggles at me and I feel my heart expand with the amount of love I feel for my wife. I would give up everything I have if I could undo my mistakes, and the hurt that I inflicted on her heart but I can't. All I can do is ensure that our future is filled with happiness, and that I will always communicate with her from this moment on.

* * *

We have put our spawn to bed, and Christian has gone downstairs to open a bottle of wine whilst I am getting into my sweats, well that's what I told him.

I have been upstairs for about fifteen minutes when Christian knocks on the bathroom door.

"Baby, I'm getting lonely downstairs without you… what in the world is taking you so long?" He asks through the door.

"Sorry, I'll be down in five minutes – I have a little surprize for you so… shoo!"

"Don't take too long baby"

"I won't, the quicker you go downstairs the quicker I'll join you" I hear him leave the room and I continue on my sexy mission. I curled my hair this morning but the curls have dropped considerably since then so I add a few more here and there, and shake my hair out so it's in voluptuous, sexy waves that hang just below my breasts. I am wearing a black lace lingerie set, complete with suspender belt and silk stockings with lacy tops that match the lace pattern of the bra and panties. I finish off my look with some lightly tinted moisturizer, a light covering of blush on my cheeks and finish off the look with a dark smoky eye with lashings of mascara and natural light lip gloss, Christian hates kissing my lips when they're covered in gloop! I look in the mirror and marvel at the vixen that I didn't think I was capable of being before I met Christian. He has made me sexy, because that's what he is.

I put my thigh length black silk robe on and carry my heels in my hand as I walk downstairs, maturity and age hasn't affected my coordination like I had hoped it would. When I reach the last step, I slip my feet into my heels and walk to the door of the family room. I peek around the door frame and Christian is sitting on the sofa that is facing the log fireplace, sipping his wine.

"Ready for your surprize Mr Grey?" I ask, a little shocked at the husky tone of my voice. His head snaps across to me but I quickly duck back behind the door.

"No peeking" I giggle.

"I'm so ready Mrs Grey!" He replies in his deep and seductive voice

"Eye's forward!"

"Okay, they're forward" I peek out again and all I can see is his naked, toned back and I feel the wetness pool between my thighs. I walk into the room, and stand behind him, pulling the sash of my robe, so that it falls open, giving him a preview of what's beneath its silky fabric.

"Turn around" I whisper, my bottom lip is between the confines of my teeth as he slowly stands up and turns around to face me.

* * *

"Turn around" She whispers from her place behind me. I slowly stand up and turn around.

"Sweet Jesus Ana!" I groan, I feel my dick stiffen as I take in her beautiful face, and move my eyes down her body and back up again. I hold my hand out to her, watching the light reflecting off my wedding ring as she takes my hand and I tug her into my arms.

"Baby, you are so beautiful!" I whisper into her hair.

"I love you Mr Grey!" I snake my arm through her robe and around her waist, slowly letting my hand wander to find her delectable ass, giving it a firm squeeze.

"I love you too Mrs Grey" I move her hair to one side with my other hand and leave slow lingering kisses over her neck.

"I want kinky fuckery back in our life Christian – I want us back" I freeze, my lips still touching her skin. I slowly pull away and look into her eyes.

"Ana… "

"Listen to me, that is a part of who you are as a person, and of who we are as a couple. I'm not going to let the ghost of Allyson fucking Anderson haunt my enjoyment of our full and colourful sex life anymore" She holds up our favourite tie and gives me a lazy smirk.

"Either you tie me up or I'm tying you up, you decide but one way or another I'm getting some kinky fuckery tonight!" She holds the tie up in one hand dangling it in front of me…

"Decisions, decisions" I mutter with a lazy cat-ate-the-canary smirk plastered on my face.

* * *

**_I hope Ana's letter lived up to your expectations lol! Who should get tied up, Ana or Christian? Thanks for all the awesome reviews and also thanks for all the wonderful _****_guest _****_reviews I received, I didn't mean that I was sick of _****_nice_****_ guest reviews, just the not-so-nice ones!_**


	46. Chapter 46: Do-over?

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

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"Decisions, decisions!" He smirks at me. I can't help but cocking my brow, expectantly waiting on his answer.

"Do you want me to tie you up?" He asks, frowning slightly. I realise belatedly that the last person he fucked whilst restrained was Allyson. Do I want him to tie me up? Can I go there?

"Yes, tie me up!" I look up into his eyes, and give him a reassuring smile. He takes my face in his hands and aggressively possesses my mouth.

"Ana, you are so fucking sexy right now! You have no idea how much I want you!"

"I think I have… some idea?" I say sardonically whilst allowing my gaze to roam over his hardened self. He smirks back at me and then pulls me to the floor, rolling himself on top of me. He binds my wrists together and places them over my head, then ties me to the leg of our sofa.

"Hmm… you look good enough to … eat, Mrs Grey" He states as he runs the tip of his tongue over his top teeth, trapping it. He straddles my hips and places his hands over the top of mine and kisses me passionately, possessively, and leaves me tingling from head to toe. He slowly runs his hands from my own, down my arms, continuing to the sides of my breasts and eventually resting on my hips. He hooks his thumbs into my panties and shimmies them down my legs, removing them completely and bringing them up to his nose, as he inhales deeply.

"Exquisite Mrs Grey, you smell almost as good as you taste" He drops the panties from his hands then rests them on my breasts, using this thumbs to circle my nipples through the lace of my bra, hissing a breath through his teeth as they harden and stiffen at his expert touch. He leans down and pulls my bra cup from my left breast with his teeth and circles my nipple with his nose, then repeat's the process with its twin. I softly moan and mewl as he suckles and tweaks my nipples sending my synapsis firing pleasure straight to my groin.

"Oh I love to watch you like this baby. You look so beautiful and sexy, wanting and waiting just for me!" He smirks salaciously before leaning down and grasping my bottom lip between his teeth and tugging at it, whilst groaning low in his chest.

"What?" I ask confused, if anyone should be groaning in frustration it should be me!

"I wanted to drag this out a little longer but I just can't. I need you too much" He smiles his shy lopsided smile, his eyes twinkling in delight and I melt. He places a sweet, delicate kiss on each nipple and reaches behind me to unhook my bra, then tosses it aside.

He begins to slowly kiss down the valley between my breasts, stopping to circle his tongue inside my navel. His hands are tracing patterns on my thighs then he hooks his hands on the underside of my knees and slowly pulls them apart, his eyes focused on my core.

"Mmm, you're so wet and I've hardly touched you!" He whispers before lifting both my legs and placing them over his shoulders. He turns his head to the left and starts to kiss along my inner thigh then repeating the process on the right side; stopping each time before he reached the apex. I groan loudly, needing some attention paid to certain areas of my body.

"Oh please, please Christian" He chuckles and lightly blows on my sex before leaving gentle, feather light kisses on my clitoris, then slowly envelopes it in his warm, skilled mouth.

His tongue laps at my wet and wanting flesh, circling around and around, building me higher, and higher.

"Fuck!" His tongue speeds up, flicking over the hard nub of nerves faster and harder than ever before and I know it won't be long before I fall. He slips his middle and forefingers inside me and copies the movements of his tongue, stroking and stimulating my front wall. I arch my back as I feel myself starting to tense up.

"Give it up for me baby, let go!" He whispers against my throbbing flesh and my body obediently follows his command. I call out his name as he continues his ministrations on my core, wringing out every ounce of debilitating pleasure from me, he removes his fingers and places them on my lips and pushes them into my willing mouth.

"Suck." He states, licking his lips, and I suck his fingers clean.

"God, I love to watch you come baby!" Without further warning he impales me with one thrust, sinking ball deep. I gasp at the overwhelming fullness, the way my muscles stretch to accommodate his length. He reaches up and unties me, never breaking our intimate contact and places a gentle kiss upon my lips. He takes my hands in his and guides them, so that my palms are touching his skin. He closes his eyes and he is breathing heavily, his hands resting on top of mine. He reopens his eyes and they are burning with desire. He flexes his fingers and slowly starts to move my hands over his chest.

"This is possible because of you, and only you Ana. You were right in your letter. I stayed hidden within the confines of my office and Escala – too afraid to live life, until you fell into my office. You did tear down all the walls I built, you made this touching me possible baby! I love the feeling of your hands on my skin." He gives my hands a gentle squeeze and then let's them go. I run my hands up his chest, moving up and around his shoulders and neck, then my hands move into his hair of their own volition, pulling at his hair as he explored and possessed every inch of my mouth.

Very slowly Christian rears back and slowly slides back in, hungrily nipping and sucking at my neck, leaving tingles in his wake.

"Christian, please!" I shamelessly beg and he brings his hands up to cup my face, kissing my lips, then running his tongue along my lower lip and then bites it softly.

"Mmm, that is a delicious lip!" He pulls back again and rams into me making me call out, more in surprize than in pain!

"Shit" I grunt as he starts a punishing rhythm. He builds me up, higher and faster making my insides quiver.

"Jesus, you are still so tight. You fit me perfectly, so snug, so fucking sexy!" He states as he continues his thrusts. I feel it coming over me and when the first wave hits my back instantly arches and I call out his name. He keeps on thrusting, chasing his own release and I start to build again.

"Oh fuck, Ana are you?" He smirks as I quickly nod and pull his lips to mine so they absorb most of the strangled groans and screams that escape my mouth as my third climax rushes through me and I know that I cannot take another.

"Ana! Fuck… sshit!" He tucks his head into my neck, groaning and calling out as he pours out his release. We take a moment to catch our breath and he tenderly moves the hair that is stuck to my forehead due to sweat then kisses my nose. He slowly pulls out and rolls over and pulls me into his chest. I lean my head over his heart and run my fingers through the smattering of chest hair, tracing patterns through the hair.

"You ready for bed baby?" He asks, kissing my hair

"Mmhm" I respond sleepily. Due to our emotionally challenging afternoon to our extreme love making I am exhausted. Christian stands up and puts his PJ bottoms back on and hands me my robe. I stand up and slip into it, tying the sash tightly. He walks over to me and gives me a sly smirk, the next moment I am lifted into his strong able hands as he carries me up the stairs I lean my head on his shoulder, fighting sleep.

* * *

I hold Ana in one arm while I pull down the sheet. I lay her sweet body on our bed and pull the covers over her, leaving a soft kiss on her forehead then make my way to my side of our bed.

I wake with a start; I look up and see a pair of crystal clear blue eyes staring lovingly into mine.

"What are you doing awake at this time baby? How did you sleep?" I ask, my voice thick with sleep as I lean over and kiss her soft, sweet lips

"I slept really well; I just needed the bathroom but what about you, did you sleep well? What are you doing awake?" I smile lovingly at her. She still takes my breath away whenever she looks at me.

"I always sleep well when I'm with you!" I pause and take a deep breath. I need to communicate my feelings right now, "Listen, last night when I carried you up to bed, I did a lot of thinking… about us, about me, about everything. Ana, I was being serious when I wrote about regretting the way I treated you the first time we were together in my letter. I called your first time a 'means to an end' and that was so very wrong of me. I just want to make it up to you and I was thinking of how I could achieve that. Baby, I would love to have a do-over of our first date. I want to treat you how I should have treated you in the beginning Ana, please?" She stays silent, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Christian, I don't regret our first time together, if you remember it resulted in two orgasms for me" She giggles and I can't help but join in. I lean down and kiss those sweet lips and she caresses my face, feeling the prickly stubble that has grown over night.

"But, if that's what you want then… sure, I'd love to give you a do-over! For right now though… I just want a repeat performance!" She reaches up and pulls me down on top of her and we lose ourselves in each other once again.

* * *

I wake with the early morning sun kissing my skin. I must have dozed off after our early morning tryst. I smile at the thought and reach over for Christian, feeling nothing but empty space. I sit up and look over to his side of the bed, finding a note lying on his pillow.

_To my beautiful wife,_

_Last night, I asked you for a second chance at our first date and you agreed. I have arranged for my mother to pick up the girls at 1pm, Ted will get dropped over there after school as she is going to keep our munchkins overnight so that we can go out this evening. I have also taken the liberty to arrange a couple of other things too._

_Caroline Acton will be arriving at the house at 12:30pm with a selection of dresses for tonight and I have also arranged for someone to come over to do your hair/make-up; they will be arriving at 5:30pm._

_I shall pick you up at 7:30pm, and you won't see me until then. I just want this night to be special baby; I want to treat you how you should have been treated from day one. If you need anything or aren't happy with any of these arrangements just call my cell or email me. I love you so much and I just want to show you my appreciation of you giving our marriage another chance._

_I love you with everything that I have, which is a lot ;)_

_Your Loving Husband. x_

I read and re-read the note over and over again. I sit Olivia in her bouncy chair and start feeding her oatmeal, as I eat my own breakfast. Gracie has more egg in her hair than she does in her belly. Teddy finishes first, and I wipe his face; which is covered in syrup. I get a quick kiss on the cheek before he leaves with Sawyer for school. Once the girls are done, I get us all dressed and Gail and I sit in the family room and watch the TV whilst my babies play with their toys. I can't believe that next year Gracie will be in pre-school. Time has passed so quickly, I still feel like 21 year old Ana Steele sometimes and I doubt that'll ever change. Olivia is sitting in my lap and she's all flushed again. I wish her teeth would just cut already because I hate seeing her all stressed out and in pain. I give her something for the pain, which will also reduce her temperature and hand her a teething ring from the freezer. I grab my blackberry to email Christian on the way back to the family room and sit back down with Olivia on my lap gnawing away at the teething ring that I've just given her.

**From: **Anastasia Grey  
**Subject:** Just thought I should tell my...  
**Time: **9:30 am  
**To:** Christian Grey

... Gorgeous husband that I adore you and your note. Last night was beautiful, I am so proud of you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me, if you continue to do that; I know in my heart that we'll make it. I am really looking forward to our date but I am a little worried as Olivia is quite upset, she's teething again and being really clingy with me just like last time. I reeeeally want to go on our date but I'm torn, I don't want to put stress on your mother.

I'll love you 'till my last breath; no matter what happens or where life takes us. My heart will always be yours.

Love  
Mrs G. x

**From: **Christian Grey  
**Subject:** RE: Just thought I should tell my...  
**Time:** 9:36 Am  
**To:** Anastasia Grey

…Incredible wife that I am also glad that we talked last night. I feel like some unknown weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I love you so much. I cannot wait to have you on my arm tonight. We'll show those fucking tabloids that we're back and we're stronger than ever. Don't worry about my mother, as you know, she deals with sick children every day at the hospital. Olivia will be fine. We are going out tonight and that's final Mrs. Grey ;)

I can't wait to pick you up baby. Please kiss my children, and tell them that I love them.

I also love you... always  
Mr. G

I smile at his reply and Olivia is being a grizzly little bear! She tries to nuzzle at my breast just like last week when she was unwell. I grab her blankie and wrap it around us as I unbutton my shirt. She instantly latches and drinks hungrily. I can't help but compare my experiences with both Teddy and Gracie when weaning them off nursing, neither of them really bothered all that much, but I suppose at that time Christian and I were completely happy and in love, whereas with Olivia, she had to deal with a depressed mother and I think that's why she's so clingy with me? I don't know what to do for the best, I make a mental note to call Grace at some point in the week for advice. I look down at Olivia sleeping soundly so I detach her and stroke her sparse curls. She is the only one of our kids that actually looks like me…

_Poor Kid!_

I lean down at kiss her forehead before laying her in her crib. I take her monitor into the bathroom with me whilst I shower. I head downstairs and Gail is making us a cup of tea, we sit and have a little chat, and Ryan comes into the family room and announces that Ms. Acton is at the gate. He lets her in and we give each other a 'hey-I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever' hug. She shows me countless dresses, each and every one is perfect for me, and this is what I love about Carolynn - she just gets me and my style.

I eventually choose a crazy tight bright red dress that hugs my curves all the way to within an inch of my knee. It has a sweetheart neckline, and she pairs it with black platform peep-toe Laboutine-skyscraper-heels. I hang my new dress and accessories in our massive walk in closet and I head into my office to check my emails and make sure everything is running as it should be; which it is. Once I'm done in the office I go and fetch some paper, pens and paint and hunt down my little Gracie pie.

We each paint a picture for Daddy, which keeps her occupied until Grace comes to pick her and Olivia up. She arrives ten minutes early and we have a little chat whilst I gather up various things that they need. I give her Teddy's Nintendo DS so that he won't get bored whilst he's over there. I take little Gracie's hand whilst Grace takes Olivia's car seat. I give them both a kiss on the forehead and tell them how much I love them, and that I'll see them tomorrow.

I head back into the house and decide to head to my office and catch up on some paperwork. I hate paperwork, but it makes the time pass quickly and before I know it the hair and make-up team have arrived.

Franco is cutting and styling my hair whilst Claudia is doing my make-up and Jennifer is putting nail extensions on me. I have gone to Franco for all my beauty needs since he broke away from Esclava and opened his own business. An hour and a half later I have been primped, propped and plucked to within an inch of my life.

As I look in the mirror at their work, I can't help but think that nine years ago I would have been shocked at the girl in the mirror but not anymore. I have a new sense of pride in my outer appearance.

I walk Franco and his team to the foyer and he gives me a massive hug.

"Oh Anastasia darling, you are so stunning. Belissima my Ana."

"Thank you Franco; you are too kind. You and your team are a beautification force to be reckoned with." I giggle and so does he.

"Yes, we are, but you have to have something pretty special to work with, and you are pretty damn special." He gives me air kisses and Sawyer helps him carry the tools of his trade out to their waiting car. I head to the Kitchen, and Gail is cleaning the already-squeaky-clean space.

"Oh Ana, you look stunning. If I might say, you are going to blow Mr Greys socks off." She smiles at me and I giggle.

"Thank you Gail."

"Oh, Mr Grey told me to give you this." She hands me a china tea cup filled with pale pink Bollinger. I can't help the goofy grin I have plastered on my face as I accept it and happily sigh.

"If I may ask, why did I have to serve it in a tea cup?"

"Oh, well when I graduated Kate and I were getting ready to move to Seattle, the night of the graduation; Christian brought over a bottle of Bollinger and we'd already packed the kitchen up, so all we had to drink it out of was tea cups."

"I have seen a few romantic gestures in my time, but I think this is the most romantic thing I have ever heard." She smiles at me and I giggle back.

"I have to agree with you there Gail." I look over to the clock at its 7pm

"I suppose I better go get dressed"

"I hope you have a wonderful time tonight Ana, you deserve it"

With that, I go upstairs to our bedroom and get into my harlot red dress.

I am finally ready and I make my way downstairs. Franco has cut my hair into layers and set it in rollers so it's slightly wavy and full of body, he only trimmed the ends so it still lies just below my breasts. My make-up is amazing, she done a very smoky eye, with lashings of mascara and a nude glossy lip, my fingers and toes are a simple French manicure and I have to admit that, that as a mother of three I look fucking good. The sweetheart neckline of my dress accentuates my large cleavage, I have accessorized with large 3CT diamond stud earrings, a single diamond pendant necklace that sits in the hollow of my throat, which are both from Cartier. To finish off look, I am wearing the diamond bracelet that Christian bought me when we were on our honeymoon.

I descend the staircase with caution, knowing me I'll fall if I don't be careful and I'm pretty sure that this look won't work with a plaster cast and crutches. When I walk into the kitchen Gail and Sawyers eyes nearly pop out of their heads.

"What...? Is it too much?"

"No, you look gorgeous sweetie!" Gail reply's to me as she carefully hugs me. Over the years, Gail and I have gotten very close. My children even think of her as their grandmother, hell I think of her as a mother.

"Thank you Gail." I reply as I squeeze her tight.

"I have to agree with Gail Ana. Mr Grey is a lucky man. You deserve to be happy Ana, and I think we all know by now that Mr Grey is your 'happy ever after' " I'm sure that Christian would have objected to him complimenting my looks once upon a time but in light of our recent revelations I don't think that he'll mind too much?

"Stop it, you two are going to make me cry." I wave my hands at my eyes to stop myself from crying with happiness, and laugh. After everything we've gone through as a family, it feels amazing for everything to be back on track.

Gail pours me another cup of Champagne, and as I take a sip the doorbell goes. Sawyer stands up and goes to answer the door. I don't know why, but I am extremely nervous and have a million butterflies fluttering inside my stomach. I take a deep breath and wait for Christian to come in and escort me to the car.

* * *

_**Sorry that this chapter was late but I had a ton of homework to complete and I still have a shit-ton more to do but I kept getting distracted with writing this and reading other peoples updates lol! If my lecturer complains I'll just blame all of you guys ;)**_

**_Love S. xox_**

**_PS: Remember to review! _**


	47. Chapter 47: Second First Date!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

**I'm sorry that it took me so long to get this 'Second First Date' chapter out, but it's nearly 7000 words long so that should make it up to you all lol. ;)**

* * *

I have just finished talking to the people at the Fairmont hotel and arranged a special surprise for Ana tonight, everything is set but I'm really nervous and Christian Grey doesn't do nervous.

I head for the shower and shave. Once I'm done, I comb my hair back so it's slick and tidy. I'm sure Ana will approve of this look. I put on my Baroni tux; 150 Wool, two button, and wear Ana's favorite silver tie.

Tonight I am taking Ana to a red carpet, coping together event, we'll only stay for an hour or so, I just wanted the opportunity to walk down the carpet and show the fucking press that my wife and I are stronger than ever. After that, we'll dine at the Fairmont and then go up to the suite I've booked and let her see the surprise I've arranged!

I check my watch, and it's time to go pick up my heart, better known as my wife, I grab the bunch of long stem white roses and get in the elevator. I jump in the back of the limo and tell Taylor to head for the house, I'm really excited to take Ana out tonight. This is the first time we've been out as a couple, the press has obviously seen me coming and going to the big house. There is a lot of speculation, but we haven't released a statement saying we're back together and we haven't been out in public... yet. The press treats Anastasia like she's an all-American-sweetheart- girl-next-door and I'm the big ugly villain who broke her heart; which is true, I did a really shitty thing to her and... I shake those thoughts, no matter how much I wish I could, I can't change the past, and so there is no point in dwelling on what-if's. The limo stops and I know we've arrived. Taylor gets out and opens my door; I take a deep, calming breath and get out.

I want to do this properly, so I can't just walk through the door. Taylor is looking at me like I've lost my mind, maybe I have? But I press the doorbell anyway and stand and wait. Sawyer answers the door and gives me a brief nod.

"Sir"

I give him a nod back and he stands to the side to let me enter the foyer.

"Sawyer, do you know if she's ready?"

"Yes sir. She is ready and waiting for you in the kitchen. She looks stunning, I really am happy for you both, sir" I clap him on the back and squeeze his shoulder.

"Would you like me to go get her, or are you coming in the kitchen to take your little lady out?"

"Please get her for me Luke." He nods and leaves to go get her. I shift my weight from foot to foot. I am so nervous. I stare at an invisible spot on the floor to calm my nerves, and then I hear footsteps getting closer, and the unmistakable sound of Laboutines hitting off the marble floor. I see the shoes before I see Ana, she's wearing peep-toes and she has had a French pedicure.

I slowly lift my gaze as she stands in front of me, scanning my eyes over her delectable body until I reach her eyes. My cock twitches as I take her whole look in. She is a siren, a goddess.

"Oh Anastasia you are ... so sexy. I think we should skip the date and I'll just take you upstairs right now." I'm being totally serious. I feel myself harden with every passing second I stand here.

"Oh no Mr Grey, I have spent the best part of 6 hours getting ready for our date. These flowers are absolutely gorgeous" She takes them from me and smells their fragrance then hands them to Gail to put in a vase. She smirks at me, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"You know, as it's out first date, I am slightly offended that you think I'll put out." She flutters her lashes at me and bites that scrumptious bottom lip

"Believe me, you'll be putting out" I pull her bottom lip out of the grasp of her teeth and let my thumb linger longer than necessary.

"Shall we?" I ask as I offer her my arm. She threads her arm through mines and holds onto my elbow.

"Oh my, Mr Grey. You shouldn't have gone to all this bother getting us a limo. I'm just Ana Steele, a little 21 year old WSU student. I wouldn't want you spending all this money on me."

Oh. My. Fuck! I know I'll have to adjust myself soon as I doubt Ana will be happy if I walk down a red carpet with her on my arm and a raging hard-on. I help Ana into the back and take a seat beside her. She is a vision in that harlot red dress and her eye make-up accentuates her baby blue eyes perfectly.

"Um… Mr Grey, Sir?" She flutters her lashes at me again and I swallow audibly. I just want to fuck her senseless right on the floor of this limo.

"Yes, Miss Steele?" I fucking love this game. Who would have thought Ana would initiate role play?

"I know I'm not supposed to question you, sir. But, can I ask where are we going?" My dick stiffens as she averts her gaze to the floor. I take a deep breath and try to adjust my bulge to make me more comfortable.

"Well, Miss Steele. I wanted to parade you down a red carpet to let the Seattle Vultures know that you are mine, and mine alone. So we're going to show our faces at a 'Coping Together' fundraiser. We're just going to walk the carpet, have a quick drink, sign a check and then we're going for a romantic dinner. How does that sound baby?" I see fire in Ana's eyes and I hate to admit that I'm a little afraid!

"WHAT? Why didn't you tell me that earlier, I would have dressed a little more conservative? Jesus I look at what I'm wearing. I can't walk down a red carpet dressed like this" She buries her face in her hands.

"Ana, baby look at me." She lifts her head and gazes at me in sheer panic "I can't wait to take you down the red carpet looking like that. Every single man in the vicinity will have a hard-on, including me, but I'm the only man that's allowed to do this..." I grab her hand in mines and place it across my crotch to let her know how much she turns me on. She gasps as she feels that I'm rock hard and throbbing. I let her hand linger for a good few minutes.

"I'm going to give you your hand back now baby. I don't think you or my mother would appreciate seeing me all over the papers with my massive erection trying to burst through my pants."

"No, I don't think we would either" I grin as her musical giggle fills my ears.

"Can we get back to what we were doing before you freaked out Miss Steele?"

"Sure thing Mr Grey, sir." I can't believe she just winked at me. I lift her hand to my lips and kiss each of her knuckles, and then I kiss her engagement and wedding rings.

"I love you."

"I love you too Christian Grey."

**~o0o~**

We're sitting in the limo waiting for our turn to walk the carpet. We must be next as the limo starts to move, about 15 seconds later the limo stops and Taylor gets out and opens the door. I step out and immediately the crowds of photographers start screaming my name and blinding me with flashes. I fasten my jacket and lean in to take Ana's hand.

"I'm going to murder you for this Mr Grey" She groans and I smirk at her, helping her get out with easy grace.

The second she steps out and lifts her face the crowd goes fucking insane. Flashes are blinding us before we even get on the carpet. I hook Ana's arm on my elbow and escort her to the waiting paparazzi.

"Mrs Grey over here"  
"Are you back together?"  
"ANA, look over here."

Anastasia is a pro at this now, it doesn't faze her like it used too, tonight was an exception purely because she was apprehensive about that sexy assed dress. I can't wait to peel it off her...

_Stop thinking about getting her naked Grey, you're going to get a raging boner and you won't be getting any of her delectable ass! _ I try to concentrate on everything and anything rather than think about what she's wearing underneath the dress, has she got panties on?

_SO NOT HELPING! _I shake those thoughts because my inner voice is right… they are not helping my situation at all?!

Ana turns her head to address each photographer that calls her name, allowing them to get the shot they were looking for. We slowly make our way along, pausing every so often for more photo's. As always the higher class photographers and reporters are at the very top, in a separate section.

We stop again and Ana is standing to my right. I have my arm wrapped around her waist, holding her to my side. She turns into me, very deliberately placing her left hand over my heart; showing the world that her rings are most definitely back on her finger. I look down at her as she smirks up at me and touches her lips to mine for what I think is going to be a sweet-romantic-we're-back-together kiss, but turns into a very raunchy possessive fuck-you-world-he's-mine kiss instead. The press goes wild, foaming at the mouth like rabid dogs! Ana peaks up at me through her lashes and smirks then turns face back towards the cameras. I take a deep breath and brush my lips against her temple and smile beaming my inner joy for the world to see! I am also still shocked at what just transpired. That'll show doctor dipshit, I think to myself smugly as we make no mistake in letting the whole fucking world know that we're back and stronger than ever!

We finally pass the vultures, and move on to the elite reporters; if there is such a thing, they're all ass holes to me!

"Mr, Mrs Grey?" Ana moves closer to this reporter as she sticks her microphone closer to us. Ana smiles reassuringly at the woman and I can't take my eyes off her; she's always so kind to everyone, that's one of the many reasons I fell in love with her.

"How are you two this evening"

"We're great thanks, just out to enjoy a rare evening alone together." Ana says.

"Oh yes, those are rare, especially when you have three children" Ana giggles at her and nods.

"I must say that you look sensational tonight Mrs Grey, who are you wearing."

"Thank you." Ana smiles and blushes "I am wearing an exclusive one off made by a close friend, Carolyn Acton. She's recently started her own line but it's not available just yet!"

"It's certainly gorgeous. Are you looking forward to this evening's event?"

"Of course. We are firm supporters of the work that coping together does, it's a charity that is close to the Grey families' heart." I continue to look at my wife, she's amazing at this, she always knows what to say and how to say it. She takes my breath away.

"Mr Grey, you can't seem to take your eyes off your wife tonight?" The reporter smiles and swoons at me. I want to roll my eyes, but I refrain

"Can you blame me?" I look down at Ana and kiss her hair. Thrumming my hand up and down her back, I can't stop myself from resting it on the curve of her sexy ass! The reporters and photographers camera flashes go like crazy and I know that; the shot of me groping my wife's ass is going to be the shot that is plastered over the entertainment news, papers and blogs and I can't wait!

"No, you're a very lucky man Mr Grey" I know what she was implying, 'your fucking lucky she's taken you back!'

I guide Ana past the other reporters who want to interview us. We've given our customary interview and we're not interested in giving anymore. We eventually make it inside as Taylor shadows us.

"Well Mr Grey, sir. I have never been on a red carpet before. It was so much fun"

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself Miss Steele. Come, let's get a glass of champagne" I take grasp her hand firmly in mine and pass her a glass, then get myself one.

"To being stronger and fighting for what and who we love" My eyes burn into hers as we clink our glasses and take a sip of the champagne.

"I am having such an amazing time with you Mr Grey." Ana adds, once again batting those luscious lashes at me.

"I am too Miss Steele. But I think it's time we should be leaving. I'll just send a check in the post." I nod to Taylor to let Ryan know to bring the car around to the side entrance. I kiss her forehead and take her hand and lead her out to the waiting car.

"Well Mr Grey, where are we going now?"

"Ahh... to be in the know Miss Steele" I smirk at her and she purses her lips at me, and turns to watch out the window, probably hoping to figure out where we're going; she won't have to wait long as we're just about at the Fairmont.

"So we're going to dine at the Fairmont Olympic tonight?"

"Yes baby we are."

Taylor drops us off at the front entrance and goes to park the car, whilst I usher Ana inside. I have booked a private dining room for us this evening, one of their waiting staff opens the door and ushers us inside. I have already ordered what we'll be having, so the waiter serves us our oysters on a bed of crushed ice.

"I believe these are known for their aphrodisiac qualities Miss Steele."

"Really Mr Grey, I believe I have always wanted to try one."

"Here, tip your head back" I press the shell to her lower lip and let the oyster slip down her throat, then I feed myself one and we do this until all twelve have gone.

"Hmm, that was delicious" I say whilst licking my lips. A few moments later the waiter knocks on the door and I tell him to enter with our entrée's, he lifts the cover on my dish first, then Ana's

"Black cod, asparagus, boiled potatoes and hollandaise sauce? Now I'm sure I've eaten something like this before..?"

"I wouldn't know Mr Grey, you probably have; being such a worldly gentle man" She says, smirking the whole time, probably due to the 'gentle man' part. I grin back at her.

We eat our meals talking about various things; Ana has eaten heartily which has in turn, made me very happy, and horny. She picks up a stalk of asparagus and dips the head in her sauce, swirling it around on her plate. She maintains eye contact as she bites her lip before gently sucking on the stalk, and bites the head off. I feel myself harden and my pupils dilate with the desire I feel for my wife. I feel my phone vibrate twice and I know that the next surprise is ready.

"Are you ready for your next surprise Miss Steele?"

"I have another surprise Mr Grey; my you are spoiling me tonight."

"I will spoil you forever Anastasia" I feel a sad wave wash over me as I contemplate everything that I have done to her over the last year

"Sweetheart stop it, I'm having an amazing time with you" I look at her eyes and they are sparkling with delight, she really is having a good time so I give her my panty dropping smile as stand up.

"Come" I hold my hand out to her and lead her out of the dining room we were situated in. We head over to the private elevator and I push my keycard into the control panel. The elevator swishes to life and pulls us up to the presidential suite. The atmosphere changes in the confined space as we spark off each other. My breathing accelerates and I can't wait any longer…

"Fuck the paper work!" I say with a smirk as I grab a hold of her and push her into the smoked glass mirror and pin her hands above her head with one hand and hold her chin with the other. I mold my lips into hers as I kiss her with everything ounce of passion I have within me.

"You. Taste. So. Sweet." I growl in-between hot and hard kisses. I hear the elevator ping and I pull myself away from her and take a hold of her hand, running my thumb over her knuckles as she catches her breath, a massive smile on both of our faces.

We exit the elevator and arrive in our private foyer. I take her hand and lead her to the large double doors and swipe my key card again. I lean down and kiss her forehead and stand to the side to open the door. Almost immediately an aromatic smell hits you in the face and I hear Ana's awed gasp. She spins around crushes her lips into mine. I pull back and take her face in my hands, my thumb stroking across her cheeks.

"Christian… this is just…wow?" She responds as she looks around the room, which is filled with loads and loads of bouquets of wild flowers, candles, and last but not least there are heart balloons floating around the room. There is even romantic music playing softly in the background, my baby… my wife; deserves hearts and flowers always!

* * *

He swipes his card to open the door and leans down, kissing my forehead. He moves to the side then opens the door, allowing me to see into the room. The room is completely covered in flowers, candles and heart shaped balloons that are floating under the high ceilings I spin on my heel and seal my mouth over his, granting my tongue access as he gasps.

"Christian… this is just… wow?" I say to him as I look around the place; I can't believe that he has arranged all this for our second first date. I feel him approach me from behind, moving my hair out of the way be places feather light kisses against my skin.

"This is truly beautiful Christian, thank you" I say as I turn around and look up at his dear face, which is rewarding me with his shy lopsided smile.

"You deserve the very best of everything Anastasia, I love you so much. Much more than I ever thought possible and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that you know just how much you mean to me" He says, oozing sincerity. He strokes my cheek with the backs of his knuckles and I lean into his touch.

"Dance with me?" He holds out his hand, and I gladly give him mine. He pulls me close and pulls a remote out of his pocket, switching the music off completely, which is odd because we're supposed to be dancing, just as I'm about to question him, he holds me so that his mouth is almost right beside my ear and starts to softly sing…

_"Remember those walls I built?  
Well baby their tumbling down,  
and they didn't even put up a fight;  
they didn't even make a sound.  
I found a way to let you in,  
but I never really had a doubt.  
Standing in the light of your halo,  
I've got my angel now!" _

I can feel my eyes starting to water and my heart is racing, he leans down and kisses one of the tears that has fallen and continues his serenade.

_"It's like I've been awakened,  
every rule I had you breaking, _He pauses to softly chuckle as do I through my tears._  
It's the risk that I'm taking,  
I aint never gona shut you out.  
Everywhere I'm looking now,  
I'm surrounded by your embrace.  
Baby I can see your halo,  
you know your my saving grace.  
You're everything I need and more,  
it's written all over your face.  
Baby I can feel your halo,  
pray it won't fade away._

_I can feel your halo, halo, halo.  
I can see your halo, halo, halo.  
I can feel your halo, halo, halo.  
I can see your halo, halo, halo."_

I am literally melting into a pool of warmth as his voice caresses my senses, engulfing me with his words and emotions, and I feel like I'm surrounded in his love, our love…

_"Hit me like a ray of sun,  
burning through my darkest night.  
You're the only one that I want;  
think I'm addicted to your light.  
I'd sworn I'd never fall again,  
but this don't even feel like fallin'.  
Gravity can't forget to pull me back to the ground again.  
It's like I've been awakened,  
every rule I had you breaking, _  
_It's the risk that I'm taking,  
I aint never gona shut you out._

Everywhere I'm looking now,  
I'm surrounded by your embrace.  
Baby I can see your halo,  
you know your my saving grace.  
You're everything I need and more,  
it's written all over your face.  
Baby I can feel your halo,  
pray it won't fade away.

_I can feel your halo, halo, halo.  
I can see your halo, halo, halo.  
I can feel your halo, halo, halo.  
I can see your halo, halo, halo."_

He hums softly following the melody of the song as he moves me around the room, I lay my head against his chest, right over his heart and I know I'm home. He stops moving around and pulls back from me, cupping my face in his hands and wipes away the happy tears that are running in rivets down my face. He looks right into my eyes as he sings once more…

_"Everywhere I'm looking now,  
I'm surrounded by your embrace.  
Baby I can see your halo,  
you know your my saving grace.  
You're everything I need and more,  
it's written all over your face.  
Baby I can feel your halo,  
pray it won't fade away_

_I can feel your halo, halo, halo.  
I can see your halo, halo, halo.  
I can feel your halo, halo, halo.  
I can see your halo, halo, halo."_

He looks deeply into my eyes as he caresses my cheeks with his thumbs. We're both breathing hard, not because we're physically exhausted or that we've done anything strenuous but because of the depth of emotion that has filled this room; our love fills this room and I only now realize that it's too strong to be broken by anything or anyone.

"Ana, nothing I can ever say or do can let you know how sorry I am for everything that has happened in the last year. Your soul is tied irrevocably to mine and I need you like I need air to breathe. I adore you, waking up beside you every single day is the greatest gift that I have ever received. I can't lose you, and I know that there will be hard times ahead for us, because marriage is about communication" I can't help the giggle, sob that escapes my chest and Christian smiles and shakes his head as he speaks. "And trust and I will do everything I possibly can to ensure that I earn back every ounce of trust you ever instilled in me. I love you, and I'll never let you doubt my love, my need and my life with you ever again" His voice cracks as he tries to keep his emotions in check and I need to let him know that sometimes you just have to let go.

"Christian, it's okay to cry, sometimes you just need to let it all go and just… feel!" I say as the muscles in his jaw start to twitch. I reach up and lay a kiss on his lips, following the line of his jaw to his ear

"Just feel what you're feeling right now and let go" His arms anchor around me and he buries his face in my neck and I hear him gasp a strangled sob.

"I…I'm…so…sorry…Ana!"

"I know, its okay baby. It's okay!" I hear him laugh and sob at the same time and I'm wondering what's he's laughing about? He pulls back and looks at me with his watery eyes, a smile playing on the corners of his mouth.

"What? Why have you got that shy grin plastered all over your face?" I ask, smiling at him. He shakes his head and wipes his eyes.

"Baby, please tell me?" I giggle at him, wrapping my arms around his neck as his hands settle on my behind.

"Just you!" He replies and kisses the tip of my nose sweetly as he strokes my behind gently.

"What about me?" I ask as I run my hands through his soft copper locks.

"You… called me baby, you've never call me baby before!" He says whilst smiling his shy smile.

"Did not!" He smirks at me and nods his head, places his mouth over mine, sucking on my bottom lip.

"Mmhm, you did. I heard you… you called me baby!" I shake my head and giggle as his tongue traces my lips, seeking purchase, trying to gain entry to my mouth.

"Ahh, but we agreed that your old and deaf as a post a long time ago – you probably misheard me old man!" I murmur against his lips.

"But I like you calling me baby?" He pouts making me giggle.

"Christian Grey, stop pouting" I say, feigning indignation and I lean up, licking and grazing is earlobe with my teeth and whisper "When you pout, it does thing's to me… baby!" His answering groan makes me giggle as he holds me close and thrust his hips against mine, letting me know just how much he wants me, how much he needs me.

"So, back to our second first date" He pulls back, offering me his hand and I place mine in his and he walks me through the suite, following a path of petals to the bedroom.

"I should have led you to my bedroom just like this, and kissed your hand softly" He murmurs as he lifts my hand to his lips.

"I should have told you how much you meant to me, even if I didn't understand it at the time" He states with sincerity, as he sweetly kisses the corner of my mouth, trailing kisses along the line of my jaw to my ear

"I should have said… 'Ana, I've never felt this way before and I don't understand it but all I know is how much I want you, and need you right now' as I kissed your plump lips" He says as he kisses me and gives wings to a million butterflies in my stomach.

"Even though I did ask you the first time if you were sure you wanted to go through with it. I should have articulated that even if you didn't want to be with me in that way, that I would wait a thousand years for you to be ready because that's how much I wanted you" I feel the tears nipping at my eyes and I am trying really hard to control my breathing, to control my emotions.

"So, Ms Steel… do you want to do this? If you don't it's okay because I'll wait forever to be with you?" I shyly smile and give him a nod as he leans down and kisses my lips and he releases a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I should have kissed you, and touched you as I undressed you" He turns me around and unzips my dress painfully slowly, the throb between my thighs is becoming harder and harder to ignore. He leaves slow and wet kisses down my spine as he unzips the dress.

"I should have told you that you were all that I could think about, that I couldn't concentrate on anything or anyone other than you." He murmurs as he pushes the straps of my dress over my shoulders, allowing it to pool at my feet. He kicks off his shoes and caresses my face, wiping away a lone tear.

"I should have asked you to undress me, I should have let you touch every inch of my skin; because that's how I could have shown you just how different you were to me" I look in his eyes and he subtly nods as I push his blazer over his shoulders and unbutton his shirt, leaving kisses and fire in my wake. I unbutton his pants and push them down his legs as he kicks them off, leaving him only in his boxers with his shirt hanging open. He proffers me his hand and I remove both cuff links, and then push his shirt over his shoulders and lean down to kiss his chest. He gasps and groans as I touch, kiss and caress each and every scar.

"I should have lifted you into my arms and laid you on my bed, telling you just how beautiful you are, telling you just how much that I wanted and needed you at that moment" He says quietly as he lifts me into his arms, carrying me to the bed in the center of the room; which has flower petals all over it in the shape of a love heart.

"I should have gotten on the bed with you and kissed your neck, whilst caressing your beautifully soft skin" He states, acting out the actions he just suggested. My heart is hammering in my chest, and I am on fire with desire for this man, my husband, my fifty shades. I have always known how much I loved him, even from the very start of our relationship, from the first night I spent with him at Escala, and right now my heart is aching with the amount of love I feel for him in this moment.

"I should have wrapped your arms around my neck and lifted you up whilst I unfastened the contraption that is otherwise known as your bra" I can't help the giggle that escapes me, and he reaches around and unhooks it, pulling the straps from my arms and peeling it away from my chest.

"I should have told you that you were making my body have all these reactions and drawing all these new emotions that I hadn't known I was capable of feeling" Right now I was bathed, bathed in his love and I just allowed myself to feel all of it, every ounce of love he had for me and that I had for him.

"I should have kissed you, from here" I places his long finger underneath my left eye and trails it all the way down to the line of my panties "to here, making you aroused as much as possible to reduce the pain you were going to feel" His lips touch my underneath my eye and he massages my right breast gently, and softly as he kisses down my cheek, my jaw and pays close attention to my neck, kissing the sweet spot behind my ear and nipping along my shoulder until he reaches my heart. He looks up at me, his silver eyes boring into mine then he places his lips on the skin above it, caressing with his tongue, nipping and sucking down to my breast, kissing my nipple through my bra and down onto my stomach, pausing to run his tongue around my navel then kisses, nips and sucks from hip to hip above the line of my panties. His erection is trying to break out of his tight boxer briefs and my breath is coming in labored pants, the room could be on fire and I wouldn't notice.

"I should have hooked my thumbs into your panties, and slowly peeled them down your legs" He acts out his actions and pulls them down to my ankles, pausing to remove my heels and drops them to the floor along with my bright red lingerie.

"I should have crawled back up your body, kissing and nipping at you as I went" When he reaches me I can't contain myself any longer and I wrap my arms around him, grabbing handfuls of his hair, thrusting my tongue into his mouth, eliciting long drawn out moans from his chest. He pulls back, but I keep my arms anchored around his neck, he is as equally breathless as I am.

"I should have ran my hand down your body, to your hip and warmed you up a little bit" His eyes are dancing with amusement but what is most prominent in their depths is his desire, his unquenchable need for me and my body, as equal is my need for him and his. He trails his fingertips from my cheeks, down my chest, following the curves of my breasts and softly kneads my burning flesh, his right hand remains, still massaging and his left slowly trails down to my hip, then around finding my heated, wet core. I arch my back as he inserts two fingers, stretching and massaging my front wall. I am panting, needing him, wanting all of him inside me. My hips thrust onto his fingers, primal desire taking over all coherent thoughts.

"I should have brought you to the brink of orgasm before removing my fingers, and grasping your sexy, long legs and wrapping them around me" I still have my arms wrapped around his neck, my fingernails softly tickling, and stroking the skin at the nape of his neck. His arms reach behind my knees and fold them around his waist.

"I should have asked you one more time if you were positive that you wanted me, I should have promised you that I would go slow, and if at any time you wanted me to stop that I would, all you had to do was say stop" He cocks his head to the side, asking my permission, wanting my conformation that I want him to go ahead, I kiss his lips and moan into his mouth before whispering "I want you" against his ardent, highly skilled mouth. He reaches down with one hand and positions himself to take me, I close my eyes waiting and wanting to feel his hard length pushing through my core, stretching and filling me but it never comes. I open my eyes and he is looking down at me with nothing but pure love, and adoration.

"I should have kissed you, and stroked your hair out of your eyes, I should have smiled and thanked you for giving me this gift, that I would treasure it and you for the rest of my life" He says as he leaves butterfly kisses against my lips, brushing my hair away from my face.

"I should have told you that it might hurt a little, and that I would take it slow" I can tell that it's taking him all his self-control not to thrust into me hard and fast; which is what I want more than anything but I know that he needs this, he feels like he has to make up for his mistakes so I smile up at him and arch my back so that my breasts push against his chest. He groans and gasps as my nipples brush against him.

He leans down as seals his mouth over mines, never breaking our lips contact as he fractionally pushes into me, his tongue traces around my lips, and I gasp as he pushes a little further, it takes all my control not to thrust my hips up to meet his, to envelop him within me.

"Ana, god! You never disappoint, you're so warm, wet and tight!" He moans into my mouth as I gain another inch of his length.

"Christian, I… I love you so much!" I whisper, feeling him, feeling his love as he pushes in a little further.

"I should have told you that we were almost there. That you had nearly taken all of me and that it would feel better soon, that it would be pleasurable in a few moments" I gasp and groan as he fills me, sinking deep within my depths. He pulls out slowly and thrusts back in gently.

"Please…" I moan, wanting him faster, feeling the fluttering, stabbing desire deep in my belly.

"Slow baby, I need this slow" He circles his hips as he pulls out, leaving just his tip inside me and I nearly expire right there and then. He bites and sucks at my neck, rubbing and circling his thumb over the stiff peak of my nipple and slowly envelopes it within his mouth, flicking his tongue over it lightly, the pleasure stabs hot and hard in my groin and I call out.

"I should have told you how amazing you felt, how perfect you were, how amazed I was at your natural ability at sex" He smiles against my skin. He continues his slow, sweet and passionate love making; this has to be the most intimate time we have ever been together, feeling so much more than the physical embodiment of our passion for each other, feeling the depth of our love instead.

I feel myself rise slowly, creeping up higher, feeling the tingles in the tips of my fingers and toes as his lips streak fire across my skin. The pleasure builds, running up my arms and legs until it quivers deep in my belly.

"I should have told you, something, right at that, and at this moment Ana. I should have told you how much I loved, and still love you baby. I should have brought you to orgasm feeling nothing but my love" He thrusts into me a little faster than before, and bites and sucks on my lower lip as the first wave breaks over my skin. I cry out his name as I stiffen, breaking into a million pieces as tears spring from my eyes. He thrusts in slowly, rubbing out my orgasm as he finds his own. He buries his face in my neck…

"Oh, ANA! I love you baby, I love you so fucking much it hurts" He grunts as he stills pouring himself deep within me. I float back to earth feeling calm, loved and completely sated.

"Christian – "I pause, trying to push the words past the lump in my throat.

"That was… so special, and beautiful. I love you so much" He kisses away my tears and kisses my lips sweetly.

"I just wanted a chance to treat you as I should have back at the start of our relationship. Ana straight from the get-go, from the minute I laid watching you sleep at the Heathman I was in love with you and I just didn't know it. Baby, I love you so much that being away from you is physically painful and I'll never do anything to make you leave me again. I swear that to you now" I smile up at him and hold myself to his chest, skin to skin.

"I know, and I know that together… we can get through anything!" He kisses my forehead and pulls out of me. He gets up and extinguishes all the candles whilst I push the flower petals off our bed. When he returns to the bedroom we get under the covers and he wraps his arm around me and pulls me to his chest, my back to his front; his chest hair tickling my back.

"Sleep now baby, I love you" He moves my hair to the side and kisses my shoulder, thrumming his fingers over my skin gently, lulling me into a deep and peaceful sleep surrounded and protected by the depths of his love.

* * *

**_I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Now does anyone else forecast a brewing shit-storm?_**

**_Hey Andrea, was that 'swoonful' enough for you? ;) _**

**_How do you guys think Ana is going to react about the Faby? And how do you think Christian is going to take it? Who do you think Allyson will tell first? Christian or Ana?_**

**_Reviews are appreciated so if you have time, please leave me one! They make me forgo homework and concentrate on making you all happy! XD_**

**_With lots of love  
– Susie. xoxo_**


	48. Chapter 48: Bombshell!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

The days following our second first date have been amazing. Christian and I are going from strength to strength. We've attended our latest session with Dr Logan and she is please with our progress. Sure we've had a few tiffs' here and there but for the most part we are blissfully happy and deeply in love. I'll admit that I was apprehensive about him going back to work at the office – wondering if he was where he said he was going to be, how would I feel if he had to work late but he has gone to great lengths to reassure me, every step of the way. I have also started going back to the office to work. Olivia is old enough to be without me now and loves playing with her GG just as much as Gracie and Teddy do.

I am sitting at my desk, sipping on a cup of tea and reading a new manuscript from an up and coming author. It's really intriguing and has me gripped with just the right amount of passion, love and suspense. I am just getting to the good part when my blackberry softly vibrates and hums out 'Your love is king' on my desk and I smile as I answer his call.

"Hello baby, how's your second day back at the office?" I smile warmly as his voice oozes through my veins like warm honey.

"It's going great, although I think I am having worse separation anxiety than Olivia" I giggle.

"Do you want to do something tonight? We can take the kids somewhere for something to eat, maybe to that awful place with the arcade games? I think we'd all have fun?" I completely melt. He can be so sweet and attentive sometimes.

"Yeah, I think they'd like that. What about after they go to bed Mr Grey?" I ask, my voice taking a husky lilt.

"Oh, baby that's when the real fun begins" I feel moisture rush between my legs and I let a moan escape my lips.

"What are you doing right now Christian? Are you… busy?" I hear his sharp intake of air as he works out the intent in my question

"I'm always busy, but I'm in my office alone if that's what you're asking?" I sigh thinking of all the delicious things I could do to him right now!

"What about you baby, are you busy? Have you got time to fit in a mid-afternoon quickie with your horny husband?"

"I am very busy, and I have a morning filled with meetings – if I were free I'd take you up on your offer though" I pout pettily. Of course I could cancel my meetings and go home because I am the one in charge but I've just came back and it would be terribly unprofessional if I did.

"Well, think of me baby and I'll rock your world once our spawn are sleeping!" I can't help but giggle at him.

"You are incorrigible Mr Grey!"

"Only with you Mrs Grey. I'll see you in a little while okay?"

"Yeah, I'll see you when you get home. I love you"

"I love you too baby. Call me later if you get a chance. I'll think of you and your beautiful ass all day" I laugh to myself as I hang up the phone, trying to resume the concentration that I had before the suggestive phone call with my sexy husband.

I am just about to finish this wonderfully captivating manuscript when Hannah knocks on my door and walks in my office.

"Ana, there is someone downstairs asking to see you but she doesn't have an appointment. She told Claire that you'd very much like to see her and to tell you her name" Shit, who can it be? I look at Hannah expectantly and nod my head, waiting on my answer.

"Allyson Anderson" My stomach plunges into the basement as my heart races. My blood instantly freezes as a chill grips my heart, sucking all the breath out of me like an emotional vacuum. What the fuck does she want?

"I'll call down to Claire and say you don't want to see her Ana, I'm sorry for bothering you with this"

"No, Hannah – wait… I uh… I want to hear what she has to say. Tell Claire to send her up and I'll buzz you when I'm ready to see her"

"Ana are you sure? You look like you've seen a ghost?" I try to smile to reassure Hannah but I can't seem to make my muscles follow my command.

"I'm sure Hannah" She nods and leaves my office, and all I can feel is crushing despair – what the hell does she want? How do I respond to the woman who almost killed my marriage and my faith in life? How can I be sure that I won't attack her, because that's exactly what I feel like doing? If there is one good thing that came out of the pain I suffered is that I learned how to cope, I learned the power of self-confidence, of being assertive and commanding. I will use each of these skills to stop her seeing me unsettled by her presence.

I head into the restroom that is accessible from my office and reapply my make-up, shaking out my hair to make it full and sexy. I undo the top buttons of my sleeveless pale grey silk shirt, and straighten my tight pencil skirt. I look in the mirror and I am happy with my appearance. I take a seat behind my desk and breathe deeply as I lift the phone and dial Hannah's extension number.

"Yes Ana?"

"Send her in please?" A few moments later Hannah opens the door and shoots me a wide-eyed look as she shows the home wrecker into the room. I feel my heart stutter and sink as she walks into my office. I try not to let her unsettle me, but how the fuck am I supposed to keep calm when her most prominent feature is the massive bump that's jutting from between her hips? I stand up and motion to the chair in front of my desk and sit back down as does she, resting her hand on her bump as she does so. She is absolutely beautiful, she's petite, her hair is up in a messy bun and she's glowing. I didn't think my heart could ache any more when I walked in on them and it's just proved me wrong. I take a deep breath and ask the question that is burning my tongue as I ask it?

"Is it my husband's baby?" I ask in a quiet whisper, as if the level which I speak will affect its truth. She keeps her head and eyes downcast, and my heart continues to beat out its agonizing rhythm.

_Great, a mother fucking natural born submissive?!_

She slowly nods her head and I grip onto the sob that's going to make itself known, I'm determined not to give her the satisfaction of seeing how utterly destroyed I feel right now.

"Does he know… about… it?" I'm terrified that she is going to say yes, and that Christian has been lying to me about it, keeping secrets in an attempt to protect me when we agreed on full disclosure. I breathe a sigh of relief when she shakes her head in reply.

"Mrs Grey, I've tried to contact him on numerous occasions, since that awful night at Escala. I'm truly sorry for your pain. If I could take it back I would. I just wanted to give Mr Grey the opportunity to get to know his son or daughter. I have no intentions of trying to break your marriage up in any way… I-" Her voice has just the right balance of pain and sincerity and I hold my hand up stopping her supposed reassurances.

"You mean to say that you don't want to break my marriage up any more than you already have?" I tilt my head to the side as she slowly lifts her gaze to mine.

"Mrs Grey, I didn't know how else to make him take my calls, or see me, other than coming to see you. I… I am truly sorry for any pain that I caused you Mrs Grey. What we done… it was wrong and you didn't deserve to be treated like that." She says as she stands.

"Tell Mr Grey that he knows where to find me if he wants to discuss our situation. I don't want Mr Grey, and I don't want any money from him. I'm just trying to do the best for my baby, I'm sure you understand that." Without so much as a glance backwards she leaves my office and I sit at my desk for a full five minutes absolutely and completely stunned.

My hands are shaking and I feel sick, I feel like I'm going to vomit from the shock of what's just happened and I lift my waste paper bin just in time to empty my stomach, I stand up unsure of what to do or how to react when my body takes control over my mind and I slide down the wall behind my desk and surrender to the heart wrenching sobs that I've tried to hold back since she walked into my office. I am pretty sure that people can hear me, but I can't seem to control my emotions at all. I feel like the walls of my office are closing in on me and I can't breathe. My heart is beating so fast and I'm gasping for air. I slowly close my eyes and concentrate on regulating my breathing. Slowly inhaling through my nose and out through my mouth, I wait until my tears have stemmed and I buzz Hannah to come into my office as I pat my eyes.

"Ana, are you alright?" She asks looking really concerned, I must look as awful as I feel. I take a deep breath and motion to the seat that Allyson vacated 25 minutes ago.

"No. I'm not alright and I need to ask you a massive favour?" I hope and pray that she is going to agree to this because I don't know what else to do.

"Of course, what do you need?" She asks quietly, creasing her brow with worry lining her pretty features. I stand up and look at Hannah and then motion to the bathroom aware of the high quality video and audio surveillance situated in my office. She stands and we enter the bathroom together.

"Hannah, Christian has tracking devices in all our cars; he can also track cell phones. I've just found out something… v-very up- upsetting" I close my eyes and try to stop the angry, hurt tears that are pouring down my face.

"Ana, what is it you need. I want to help you but you need to tell me what it is you want me to do?" She says whilst rubbing her hand up and down my back.

"I need to swap cars and cell phones with you so that Christian can't track me. I just need to get away from here for a few hours and I can't do that in my own car because he'll track me within minutes of realising I'm gone" Hannah looks at me wide-eyed, like she can't believe what's going on.

"I'll go get my keys from my purse. Is there anything else I can do?"

"Well, once Christian realises that I'm gone he'll probably call you or show up at your apartment. If he asks what happened prior to me leaving just tell him that Allyson Anderson showed up at the office and I asked you for your car, but I didn't tell you where I was going or why. Can you do that?"

"Sure Ana, can't you maybe talk this through with him, maybe it's all some misunderstanding" I give a half chuckle and sob.

"Sadly, it's no misunderstanding" I shake my head as Hannah pulls me into a hug, I almost collapse in her arms but I rein it in and stem my tears. I stay in the bathroom whilst she goes back out to her office and brings me her keys and cell, and I give her mine. I grab my coat and purse, Hannah hugs me one last time before I step into the elevator. I just need time, time to think without interruption. All I know is that the pain of finding him with another woman pales in comparison to finding out that same woman is having his baby. That I'm no longer the only mother of his children hurts, it fucking hurts and wounds me so badly.

I get into Hannah's car and drive around Seattle, making sure to zigzag through side streets, knowing that they'll try to track my movements to find out where I've gone to, even though I don't have a clue myself. I just drive, my eyes constantly streaming as I drive without any direction, trying to escape the pain that is chasing me relentlessly.

* * *

I hang up the phone and find that I am hard as a rock. I really wanted Ana to agree to coming over to Grey House for a quickie. I find that I am constantly hard for her now that I am back home where I belong, back at Ana's side and no one will rip me from her again. I will spend my life trying to right my wrongs because her happiness is paramount to my own.

Andrea buzzes me to inform me that my 2 pm appointment has arrived and I tell her to send them right in. My blackberry buzzes from its holster and I think it's Ana calling me to agree to my quickie demand. I smile as I lift the phone but note with distain that it's Allyson fucking Anderson calling me… again! When is she going to get the message that I. Am. Not? Interested in having anything to do with her? Especially after the stunt she pulled earlier in the week – she called Grey House pretending to be Ana, telling my assistant that there was something very wrong, and that it was an emergency. I frantically took her call thinking that there was something wrong with either Ana or the kids. I couldn't believe when she revealed that it wasn't Ana, and that she needed to speak to me urgently, I hung the phone up before she could say any more.

Fuck! What the hell does she want? She done a really shitty thing with the 'emergency' phone call and if she doesn't stop this shit she's going to find out the hard way that I can destroy her at any time I choose. I send her call to voicemail as my appointment walks through the door of my office.

**~o0o~**

I end my final meeting of the day and I can't wait to go home into Ana's arms. I head out of the office with Taylor and as we get in the car I call Ana's phone which rings out and goes to voicemail. She's probably busy with the kids so I don't think much of it. I fire off a quick email to tell her that I am on my way home and I await a witty, smart-mouthed response which never comes.

As soon as Taylor pulls into the driveway and stops the car I jump out and head inside, calling for Ana. Gail is sitting in the kitchen with Olivia in her lap and its after 5 pm, she should be home by now, and she's supposed to ease into full days at work? That's what we agreed on and I am a little annoyed that she has gone back on her word!

I call her blackberry again which goes to voicemail a second time and I admit that I am starting to get worried, what if something bad has happened to her? That she's been taken?

_Stop being so melodramatic. She's probably having fun at work and lost track of time! _

I can't shake the feeling of dread that has taken over my stomach and I decide to call her office.

"Hello and welcome to Grey Publishing, Claire speaking can I help you?"

"Hi Claire it's Christian, can you put me through to Ana's office?"

"Sure thing Mr Grey" The call clicks off and I listen to the awful classical music whilst I am placed on hold.

"Hello, Ana Grey's office, Laura speaking, how may I direct your call?"

"It's Mr Grey, why isn't Anastasia answering her own phone? Put her on the phone" I snap, and then feel guilty for taking out my stress on her young intern.

"I- I'm sorry Mr Grey, Ana left a few hours ago?" Dread and fear grips my heart as I think of all the horrid possibilities of what could be wrong, what if she's leaving me again?

"What time did she leave?"

"Um… I think it was around 2:40 pm" I gasp as I look at the clock which is almost sitting at 6 pm!

"Did she say where she was going at all? Was she okay?" I ask, frantically hoping for some precious information that can lead me to the whereabouts of my wife.

"I didn't speak with her Mr Grey, although she seemed very upset and looked like she'd been crying. I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you?"

"Okay, thank you" I hang up the phone and run my hands through my hair repeatedly.

"TAYLOR!" I yell from my office, a few short minutes later he walks into my office.

"Yes sir?"

"Ana is missing. She left her office at 2:40pm in a state, I just spoke to one of her interns and she said that she looked very upset, and like she'd been crying" I say as I pace.

"I'm sure she's fine sir, do you want me to locate her via the tracking system in the car?"

"Yes, right away!" Taylor gives me a brief nod and leaves my office to head into his own. Gracie comes toddling into my office smiling at me.

"Daddddddyyyy, you camed home! I wana cuggles" I try my best to smile at her but I doubt my expression resembles anything like a smile as I lift her in my arms.

"Hey princess, I needed a cuddle too!"

"Daddy, where's momma?" I almost burst into tears as I look in my daughter's eyes and I have no answers so I have to lie.

"She's still at work baby; she'll be home as soon as she can. Why don't you go play in the den?"

"Otay daddy, love you" She wriggles in my arms and as soon as I've placed her feet on the floor she takes off, running out of my office. I sit down at my desk and hold my head in my hands.

Taylor knocks on the door and enters,

"Sir, I've located her car – it's parked out on the street in front of her assistant Hannah's house"

"What the fuck is she doing there? Come on we're going to get her right now, I don't understand why the fuck she's refused my calls and won't come home?" I state as we rush out to the car. The drive to Hannah's place is silent. I am trying to think if I've done anything wrong in the last week and I'm drawing up blanks. Nothing I have done could warrant this kind of response. She knows how much I worry about her safety?

Taylor and I jump out of the car and I bang on Hannah's front door, when she opens the door she looks at me expectantly, like she knew I'd be coming here which unsettles me.

"I need to speak to Ana, can you please let me in or send her out" I say, my tone resembling frost.

"Ana isn't here" She says simply and I want to chuckle, I probably would if I wasn't so pissed off.

"Do you think I'm stupid Hannah? Her car is sitting right there?" I shake my head and she steps aside to let me in.

"As I said, Ana isn't here. Take a seat" She motions to the couch and I run my hands through my hair, where the fuck is she?

"Well, what the hell is going on?"

"Ana had an unexpected appointment today, and afterwards she called me into her office and told me that you have trackers in all your cars and cell phones and she needed to get away for a little while, she asked me to switch with her, so I did. I drove her car home and waited on your arrival.

"Did Ana say why, or what was going on, who was this unexpected appointment with?" I ask, my voice portraying my inner turmoil and despair.

"She didn't say why she needed my car, or where she was going. She did however tell me to tell you that the person who showed up was named Allyson Anderson..."

Fear, ice and dread grip my heart and I feel bile rising in my throat.

"She was very upset, we all heard her sobbing from her office – she called me in and asked to switch with her so I did, then I walked her to the elevator" I shake my head, trying to work out what Allyson could have said to her to make her react so badly. I haven't seen or heard from her since the night Ana showed up at Escala.

"Okay, thank you for your help Hannah – if she contacts you please let me know, no matter what time" I say dejectedly as I rise from my seat. Taylor and I get back into the SUV and head straight for Grey Publishing, hopefully the surveillance in her office will give me some answers to what the fuck happened.

* * *

**_So, the bomb has been dropped, what do you guys think is going through Ana's head right now and where do you think she's gone?_**

**_How is Christian going to react when he play's back the surveillance footage and realises just what Ana has been told?_**

**_I hope you guys are still enjoying this as much as I enjoy writing it; apart from the forefinger cramp I have from typing so damn much lol!_**

**_Remember to review; I can't believe that this story has gained such a following. It makes me smile so much lol!_**

**_With all my Love for each and every one of you  
– Susie. xoxo_**


	49. Chapter 49: I don't know what to do!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

Taylor and I go straight to the security office when we get to Grey Publishing. I called Sawyer en-route and asked him to meet us there. When we go into the security office we ask the guards on duty to go on their rounds whilst we work. Around five minutes later Sawyer comes into the room and if looks could kill I'd be dead.

"I haven't done anything Luke, so if that's what you're thinking, fucking stop!" His focuses his glare on the monitors as we fast forward to 1:55pm on the footage of her office as well as the footage of the main reception desk downstairs and outside her office where Hannah and Laura work. Taylor and Sawyer both press play and I can't take my eyes off Ana as she sits in her own little world with a smile on her face as she reads.

We fast-forward the video until Luke spots Allyson walking into the reception. I can only see the back of her head as she walks into the shot and Claire calls up to Hannah. Hannah hangs up and knocks on Ana's door…

"Turn the sound up Taylor, Ana's office has audio surveillance too" I say in a distracted voice as I watch Sawyers fists ball up and I know he wants to say something to me, part of me hopes that he socks me in the jaw, I'm willing to do anything to feel something other than this despair.

_"Ana, there is someone downstairs asking to see you but she doesn't have an appointment. She told Claire that you'd very much like to see her and to tell you her name!" _Ana has a look of confusion spread across her face which quickly transforms into apprehension. She looks at Hannah and gives her a simple nod to request the person's name.

_"Allyson Anderson" _I can see the fear grip Ana and she takes a deep breath. She looks absolutely terrified, as terrified as I feel right now.

_"I'll call down to Claire and say you don't want to see her Ana, I'm sorry for bothering you with this"_ Ana snaps out of her daze and I can see her fear like an aura surrounding her.

_"No, Hannah – wait… I uh… I want to hear what she has to say. Tell Claire to send her up and I'll buzz you when I'm ready to see her" _Ana states calmly, but I can see right through her façade.

_"Ana are you sure? You look like you've seen a ghost?" _Hannah states, looking genuinely concerned for her boss. I can see Ana trying to smile but she just can't.

_"I'm sure Hannah" _Ana says, resigned to seeing the woman who I had a very sexually explicit affair with. I rub my palms over my face, trying to get a handle on my emotions. Ana stands up and heads into the restroom that is adjoined to her office and I focus my attention on the other footage.

Hannah heads back to her desk and calls down to Claire, and sends Allyson up. She heads into the elevator – and we've yet to see her properly as she was facing away from the camera the entire time.

Ana comes out of the bathroom and I feel my length harden at the sight of her, she's put more make-up on, and unbuttoned that sexy blouse, tantalising me with her impressive cleavage.

A couple of moments later Allyson arrives outside Ana's office and gut-wrenching realisation grips' my heart and all sexual thoughts about Ana evaporate. The room chills as each of us notice the massive bump that Allyson has jutting out of her stomach. I am breathing hard and heavy. Ana looks apprehensive as she lifts her phone with a shaking hand. She leans back in her chair and tries to appear unfazed. Hannah walks into Ana's office and shows Allyson inside. I see Ana's lips part and she breathes heavier as she also take's in the state of Allyson's stomach.

Ana stands up and motions to the seat in front of her and I can tell that she's trying to appear cool, calm and collected – but just like before I can see right through her mask. Allyson's hand protectively caresses her bump as they both take a seat. They sit in silence for a moment and Allyson's head and gaze point to the floor, probably rubbing Ana's nose in her submissive nature.

Ana closes her eyes and open's her mouth to speak and she whispers the one question that is burning on my lips.

_"Is it my husband's baby?"_ Ana asks in a steely whisper. I can see her brace herself for Allyson's answer and I sharply inhale as Allyson nods her head.

Shit. No,no, no, no this isn't happening. She said she was on the shot, she assured me that she was on the shot, she fucking lied, the bitch lied.

_No shit Sherlock! It seems we are about to become a father again! You do realise that your marriage is now over Grey, right? _ I can't speak, I can't think and I can't breathe.

_"Does he know…about…it?" _Ana asks, and again braces herself for Allyson's answer – I am terrified that she is going to lie, and twist the truth and Ana and I both breathe a sigh of relief when she slowly shakes her head, answering her question.

_"Mrs Grey, I've tried to contact him on numerous occasions, since that awful night at Escala. I'm truly sorry for your pain. If I could take it back I would. I just wanted to give Mr Grey the opportunity to get to know his son or daughter. I have no intentions of trying to break your marriage up in any way…I-_"Ana raises her hand to stop Allyson's practiced speech, using the right amount of contrition and sincerity but I can see right through her devious mask.

_"You mean to say that you don't want to break my marriage up more than you already have?" _Ana asks tilting her head to the side as Allyson looks into Ana's eyes for the first time.

_"Mrs Grey, I didn't know how else to make him take my calls or see me, other than coming to see you. I… I am truly sorry for any pain that I cause you Mrs Grey. What we done… well it was wrong and you didn't deserve to be treated like that" _Allyson states as she stands. Ana's eyes are constantly focused on her and she is completely stunned.

_"Tell Mr Grey that he knows where to find me if he wants to discuss our situation. I don't want Mr Grey, and I don't want any money from him. I'm just trying to do the best for my baby, I'm sure you understand that" _She turns around without waiting for a response from Ana and closes the door softly behind her. I expect her to head straight into the elevator but she takes a seat outside Ana's office door and flicks through a magazine and I'm wondering why she's doing that? I refocus my eyes on the monitor that is displaying Ana's office, she's just sitting staring into space and my heart aches at the expression marring her beautiful face. All of a sudden she grabs her waste-paper basket and vomits inside it. She stands up and for a moment she looks so vulnerable and lost then she falls back against the wall and slides down it, surrendering to her sobs. I have never seen or heard Ana cry with this level of pain. Her sobs bring tears to my eyes and I just want to hold her in my arms and tell her that we'll get through this – even though my own mind is telling me that we're over, that there is no way she is going to take me back after this.

"Fucking spiteful bitch!" Luke growls at the screen. Taylor looks at him in shock as he rewinds the feed.

"T, watch her face as Ana starts to cry" I squint to make out Allyson's face as she reads whatever article she's looking at and as Ana's sobs filter out to the waiting area Allyson smirks, then stands up walking out practically jumping with glee.

Luke fast-forwards the feed as Ana sits and sobs for over 25 minutes. I feel like I've been ran over by a mac truck. I just don't know what to say or think or do. I just want to find her, to take her in my arms and hold her tightly. I need to inhale her reassuring scent, to know that she still loves me, that all our progress hasn't been in vain.

Ana picks up the phone on her desk with a shaking hand and buzzes Hannah.

_"Ana are you alright?" _She asks, looking really worried for Ana's wellbeing and state of mind.

_"No. I'm not alright and I need to ask you a massive favour?" _Ana replies

_"Of course, what do you need?" _Hannah asks quietly, frowning as she looks at my wife who is in bits. Ana stands up and motions for her and Hannah to enter the restroom, probably so I wouldn't be able to hear what she is saying to her assistant. Hannah leaves a few minutes later and fetches her key from her purse and goes back into the bathroom. Five minutes later they both come out. Hannah hugs my wife one more time as she enters the elevator which will take her down into the garage.

"Taylor we n-"

"I'm already on it, we need to get back to the big house and use my access to track her movements in Hannah's car" I nod and we leave the office, getting back into the SUV and head for home.

_Where are you baby? Please come back to me _I think to myself as I get lost in my despair.

**~o0o~**

Taylor and Sawyer managed to track Ana's movements through the city after she left Grey Publishing using the traffic cameras and store front CCTV. She wove her way through back streets with minimal CCTV coverage like she was creating a maze for them to lose her in. She was avoiding main roads, narrowing their chances of finding her. They unfortunately lossed her on camera after 20 minutes of tailing her on camera – the last sighting of her was at a set of traffic lights, at 3:15pm – it was now 7 pm. Where the fuck was she? I notice Luke's jaw straining and he's trying to contain his temper – I am in no mood to deal with his shit right now. All I want to do is find Ana!

"If you have something to say _Sawyer _I suggest you spit it out instead of giving me daggers at every opportunity!" I snap at him and glare. He spins around to face me and I am shocked at the level of anger displayed on his face. Taylor jumps up and places a hand on Sawyer's shoulder, silently trying to reason with him. He turns and looks at Taylor and for a minimal second the hateful expression he has worn disappears, then face's me once more.

"Just remember that if she does anything stupid _Grey_, it's on you – again!" He stood up and stormed out of Taylor's security center located on the grounds of the estate we call home.

I am sitting trying to think of where the hell she would go? I go through my conversation with Hannah in my head, thinking of everything she said…

"Taylor, Hannah said that Ana told her that I could track her car and cell phone and then said they switched what if Ana has Hannah's cell phone. We would be able to locate her because what assistant doesn't have a smart phone these days?

We head back to Hannah's, and ask her if Ana took her phone, she doesn't answer which tells us that Ana does have it!

* * *

I have been driving in no particular direction for god knows how long. I can't even think straight. My head is swimming with all these emotions and fears and I just don't know what the hell I'm doing? I pull over and I just sit behind the wheel, not focusing on where I am, all I'm doing is focusing on the pain, the hurt that's aching in my heart, and in my mind. I feel betrayed all over again; the wounds that were almost healed have been ripped open savagely.

_One word Ana… 'Communication' – why are you running? After everything you've both been through, not communicating has been the problem! You both promised to communicate and work through things, and the first sign of trouble you run?! You've never listened to me once in your life, but I am begging you now… go home, talk it through, he hasn't done anything he hasn't already been punished for. _I sigh as I wipe my eyes and turn the key in the ignition, my inner voice is right. I'm just about to drive away when someone knocks on the window. I turn to tell whoever it is that I'm sorry and that I'm leaving but I am shocked when I see a very concerned Grace standing with her jacket on. My head spins to look out the windshield and notes that I am indeed sitting outside their home. Grace opens the driver side door and leans into the car.

"Ana, darling aren't you coming inside – you've been sitting out here for twenty minutes" I look up at her and I break down again.

"Grace … I don't know what to do"

"Come inside sweetheart" I nod and get out of the car and Grace wraps her arm around me.

She puts the kettle on and I absently sit on one of the overstuffed sofas. I stare unseeingly out to the back garden and I'm just dismayed.

"I don't want to lose him Grace, but I don't know what to do?" I mutter as she comes into the sitting room and sets down a steaming mug of tea in front of me.

"Ana, darling you're not making any sense, tell me what's happened" She sits down beside me lays her hand over mine and squeezes.

"The woman that my husband had a four month affair with is pregnant, with his baby"

"How did you find this out?"

"I was at the office and my assistant Hannah informed me that I had a visitor but that she didn't have an appointment but said that once I knew her name that I'd want to see her. She told me that it was Allyson Anderson and I was shocked but… call it morbid curiosity. I wanted to get a good look at the woman who nearly destroyed my life completely. I buzzed through to Hannah and told her to send her in and when she walked through the door" I close my eyes and shake my head as I take a deep breath.

"She's very pretty, small, petite and long dark hair like me but very pregnant. Probably due any day and its Christian's baby" I say as the tears stream down my face.

"Oh Ana, come here" I go willingly to her arms and sob. I don't know how much more shit I can take.

"I don't want to lose him, but she'll always have a place in his life, in our lives. I'm going to have to welcome it into our family, I'll have to love it as if it's my own and I don't think I can. She said that she doesn't want Christian and she doesn't want his money – she's just doing what's best for her baby and I can't even hate her for it because I would do the same in her situation" I just can't seem to get a handle on my emotions, more than anything I just want this to be a really bad dream that I'll wake up from.

"Ana" She smiles at me kindly as she runs her hands through my hair "Sweetheart, I love that you're such an honest and goodhearted person and Christian couldn't have chosen better when he found you, but not everyone has pure intentions like you do Ana. I just think that this is rather odd that this is only coming out now and especially considering that you two just –quite publicly – announced that you are back together? If it's Christian's baby wouldn't she have told him whilst you two were separated, and they could have been a happy family, just the three of them? Personally I think she is only now coming out of the woodwork to drive a wedge back between you two"

"I just feel so lost Grace, everything was just getting back to normal, I was happy again and now I feel like I'm right back at square one!"

* * *

Taylor has tracked Hannah's cell and I'm now en-route to my mothers. In one way I want to get over there as quick as I can, but in the other I don't want to have the conversation that we're about to have. It'll kill me, I know that I can't survive without her – and I want nothing to do with that evil, spiteful bitch.

Normally, I insist on taking my subs to a doctor and have them get a shot or some kind of IUD but obviously I just had to take her at her word this time, considering that I was having an affair at the time, why the fuck didn't I use a fucking condom?!.

_Grey, you do realize why Ana is at your parent's house? Think about it, who did Ana go to for divorce advice the last time? In fact, I'd bet that she's in your father's study having the papers drawn up right now. _Oh god. No, no, this can't be happening? I push my R8 further, hitting 100mph as I speed to Bellevue. I don't know what to do or what I'm supposed to say but I'll do it, I'll do anything to stop this from happening.

I sit in the car for a few moments and try to prepare myself for what's about to happen. I run up the steps and open the front door; I head straight to the sitting room and find Ana and my mother sitting on the sofa by the window. Ana is curled into the foetal position with her head in my mother's lap.

_See, this is what you reduce the love of your life too, she's better off without you._

I slowly walk across and sit down beside my mom and release a long breath.

"I heard I'm going to be a grandmother again"

"I just don't even know what to say"

"So whilst having an affair behind your pregnant wife's back, you didn't have the sense to use contraception Christian?" She whispers at me. She's right; I shouldn't have taken her at her word.

"She said she was on the shot and I stupidly believed her"

"You're a multi billionaire Christian, the woman that you were with knew you were married, she knew Ana was heavily pregnant and she was sleeping with a married man and you really believed her word when she said that she was on contraceptives?" I don't even know how to respond to that so I won't.

"How is she?" I ask my mom without looking up at her, I can't and I don't want to see the disappointment in her eyes so I keep my gaze trained on the floor.

"How do you think she is Christian? She's devastated" Pissing off Grace Trevelyan-Grey is not to be taken lightly.

"I don't want this, mom! I don't want anything to do with this baby or anything that's going to hurt Ana. I'm done with hurting her all the time when she's done nothing but love and support me. The only reason I know about any of it is because Ana wasn't answering her phone or emails so I called the office and she was just… gone. I thought she'd been taken, a million and one scenario's passed through my head but this… this is just so messed up" My mom places her hand on my arm and soothingly rubs up and down.

"I watched the video footage of Ana's office, to everyone else she would probably appear calm and cool but I could see it in her eyes, with every passing second that bitch was in her office her heart was breaking"

"What are you going to do?" My mother asks me in a whisper.

"I don't want this baby, and I don't want anything to do with Allyson – especially when I saw how vindictive she was to Ana. Taylor, Sawyer and I watched the video and audio surveillance footage and as I said before Ana was calm, she didn't shout or give her any indication that she was hurting and she told Ana that she wasn't doing this to hurt her, she was sorry about the affair and that she didn't want to be with me, she didn't want my money and she was just doing what's best for her baby. So once she was done with her Oscar winning performance she left Ana's office and sat outside flipping through a magazine until she heard Ana sobbing. The fucking bitch smirked and got up with a spring in her step; 'not doing this to hurt you' – my ass!"

My mother and I jump when Ana sits bold upright and says

"That evil, lying, spiteful, conniving bitch!" Ana sits up and apologizes to my mom for falling asleep on her lap with her delicious blush coloring her cheeks.

"I'll just give you two a moment alone" My mom says as she gets up, squeezing Ana's hand one last time and leaves the room. Ana is looking at her knotted fingers in her lap, but looks up at me when she senses my gaze.

"Ana… please tell me what you're thinking because right now I am fucking terrified that I'm losing you all over again"

"I'm thinking that I'm terrified too! What are you planning on doing about this Christian, because like it or not, that baby is coming soon?"

"I know Ana, and that's what I don't understand… why now? Why start calling me and leaving messages over this last week when she's been pregnant for at least 8 months? The first thing I am doing tomorrow morning is contacting my lawyer. I obviously want proof as soon as possible that it is mine, and I doubt that it is, also I have her NDA which means that she can't disclose that I am possibly the father"

"Grace thinks that she's bringing everything up now because we officially said that we were working through our problems. I mean, at the coping together thing we were all over each other and we were practically in every tabloid, magazine and blog the next day, me with my tongue down your throat and you with your hand on my ass! She also thinks that Allyson didn't expect us to get back together at all, and that you'd be lonely, without me and the kids and then she'd show up with a new born and you'd have a brand new ready-made family to walk right into. I think she realized that us being back together was going to ruin her plans, I think she's tried to trap you Christian – I take it that she told you she'd had the shot or pill but really hadn't?" I keep my head down, my elbows resting on my knees and my hands clasped together like I'm praying.

"She said she had the shot and it wasn't like I could go take her to a doctor to make sure, I didn't want to be seen with her Ana for obvious reasons."

"I am also pissed that you didn't tell me about the phone calls? Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away – full disclosure, remember?"

"I know Ana, and I'm sorry I honestly didn't think for a minute that she'd come and accost you at your office because I wasn't taking her calls. Ana, what do I do? I don't know what I'm supposed to do?" I am shocked when she rubs her hand up and down my back, soothing me after everything that I've put her through, that I'm still putting her through.

"I think she's expecting us to be at each other's throats right now, and expecting me to send you back to Escala"

"And you aren't sending me back to Escala?" I ask dejectedly, terrified that is my fate.

"No, that would be playing into her spiteful, vindictive, bitchy hands. I should also apologize for not coming home to discuss all this with you, I shouldn't have run. Although make no mistake that I am fucking pissed at you about the phone calls – is there anything else you want to tell me, because now would be the time, foretold is forewarned?" My mind instantly shifts to the fake phone call I received two days ago.

"She called Andrea, pretending to be you, obviously Andrea asked if you were okay because you didn't sound right and Allyson said that she wasn't okay and that it was an emergency – asking to speak to me right away. I took the call, frantic thinking that something had happened to you or one of the kids and when I answered, I was begging 'you' to talk to me, to tell me what was wrong but all I got back was silence and when I said that I was leaving the office and on my way you she admitted who she really was and that she needed to speak to me urgently but I just hung up. That was two days ago" I wince preparing me for the chewing out I am about to receive.

"Well, she's prepared to go to any lengths to get your attention" Ana pauses and takes a hold of my hands "Baby, please look at me, I have a suggestion but I don't know how you're going to feel about it?" She says, and I look up into her beautiful eyes.

"Promise me you're not going to overreact and get mad?" I don't like the sound of that, but right now I have no other options so I guess that I have too.

"I promise"

"So she thinks I'm going to freak out, and demand you not to see her kid or leave you again. Well, what if we play her at her own game? What if we accept her story without proof for now, until we know her agenda? Think of how pissed off she is if we're still as loved up around her, playing happy families?"

"I don't want you anywhere near her Ana, I can't expect you to go through that?! Fuck, no! I want proof that it's mine before we do anything else" She sighs heavily as I run my hands through my hair in frustration.

"Christian, think about it? I don't think this is your baby, but I also think we really need to hold off on DNA until the baby's born because if something happens and it turns out to actually be your baby, you'll be devastated knowing that you caused it to happen by insisting on foetal paternity testing?"

"So, what are you saying, what are you actually suggesting?"

"I think we should ask your mother to take Gracie and Ted tomorrow night, Olivia is fine because she's too little to understand what's really going on. If you call her up, and invite her over to the house, I'll be out and she'll think she's getting her hooks back into you, but I'll come home with Olivia, and- Christian I just want to show the bitch that you're mine. Does that make me a bad person?" I chuckle and kiss her forehead.

"No baby, that doesn't make you a bad person. So what are you thinking, are we're inviting her over or something to find out her agenda and try to find out what she wants?

"Yes, that's what I'm thinking. She said you know how to contact her?"

"I'll contact her. I'm so glad that I have you Ana, I just want to take you home and bury myself inside you and forget this damn day ever happened" I say whilst attempting to kiss her neck, that sweet spot behind her ear and my heart sinks when she pulls away.

"Christian, I can't. I'm still really hurting over all of this, and the only thing that's keeping me going is thinking it isn't actually yours and if it is… I don't know what I'll do" She says in a quiet whisper, tears falling into her soft, plump lips.

"Ana, baby please look at me" I get down on my knees in front of her and take her face in my hands.

"Listen to me, Ana I can bet my entire fortune on it that this baby isn't mines. If it was, she would have called me up the instant she found out and demanded money, cars, a house, fuck she'd have wanted it all. She's just trying to drive us apart baby, please don't cry Ana, it hurts me when you cry." She nods and I place a kiss on her plump lips that are wet with salty tears.

"It's just that this really hurts, Christian… if it is yours, she'll never be out of your life, she'll always have a part of our family and I'll have to accept that baby and I don't know if I can" I pull Ana from her place on the couch down into my waiting lap, her head tucked under my chin.

"Shh… it's not going to come to that Ana. I won't lose you – it's not going to happen" I close my eyes and pray to god that this baby isn't mine.

* * *

**_I want to apologize for the lateness of this chapter, and any mistakes or whatever. I was at hospital yesterday getting Botox treatment done to my face and it hurt like a bitch! I can't believe that sane people pay to get that done! _**

**_It wasn't fun or pleasant that's for damn sure! So yeah … I hope this chapter pleases some of you and that you like the direction this is going in._**

**_The fiftieth chapter will be Ana and Allyson's showdown, and Ana will be all over Christian like a rash, showing Allyson just who *Fifty* belongs too! Get it? See what I've done there… heh!_**

**_Love  
Susie. xoxox_**


	50. Chapter 50: Big Fifty

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

When we eventually get back to the house the kids are tucked up in bed and I feel awful for just ditching them when we were supposed to go out and have family fun time. Gail and Taylor head to their place, leaving Christian and I alone. I take a seat on the sofa and I just feel so… deflated. The last week has been amazing and all our progress has just been ruined. Although I have doubts to whether Christian is or isn't the father, there is still a chance that he might be and it terrifies me because I don't think I can stay with him if she's in his life, I can't, and would never ask him not to see his child. That baby didn't ask to be created, and it shouldn't be blamed for its parent's bad choices.

"Ana, baby please say something?" I am dragged from my reverie and note that Christian has already handed me a glass of wine and is sitting next to me on the sofa.

"Sorry, I was miles away, what did you say?" I see his shoulders sag in relief and he releases a shaky breath.

"Just that I love you, and that you mean the world to me Ana, god for an awful few minutes I thought…"

"You thought what Christian? That I don't love you? That I don't want to be with you beyond what's deemed sane; because those are the only reasons that I'm still here" I say in a hushed whisper, moisture filling my eyes and feeling agitated that he's doubting my love, and the fact that I want to be with him, if that was the case I wouldn't be here, especially in light of recent revelations.

"No, I know that you love me, and I know you want to be with me it's just… I also know –better than most– that every person has their limit and I'm scared, I'm so fucking scared that you're reaching yours. I just don't want to lose you Ana, not after everything that we've been through and what we've achieved in the last few weeks. For the first time in months I wake up with a smile on my face and to think that it could be coming to an end is terrifying"

"Don't you think that I know that Christian? I am scared shitless of the exact same scenario. I love you so much; I'd walk over broken glass for you in a heartbeat. I don't want to lose you and I'm damn sure I'm not going to let that skank come between us. I know this is awkward for us both but she said that you know how to contact her?"

His face falls and I see him intake a large and deep breath.

"Yes, should I set up a meeting?" I swallow down the hurt, and give him a faint smile and nod. He heads to his office and comes back a few moments later and picks up his blackberry, furiously typing away.

"When you do want to set this up Ana?"

"As soon as possible, I think it's best all-round. What about tomorrow evening, at Escala? I just don't want her in _my_ home Christian"

"I understand baby, fuck you shouldn't have to deal with all this shit!" He says in a strained whisper, his eyes briefly closing.

"You can be at Escala when she arrives and text me to let me know – I'll show up 20 minutes later with Olivia. I just… this sounds so pathetic but I just want to let her know, in no uncertain terms that you're mine not hers, that you never were and that you never will be" I say with certainty and confidence. If he wanted her, he had the perfect opportunity to be with her whilst we separated and he didn't.

"It's not pathetic Ana, it's understandable" He murmurs in a quiet whisper.

"Christian, I'm exhausted – I'm going to head up to bed" I give him a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth and head upstairs to our bedroom. I feel kind of grimy from my 'meeting' with the whore, so I pile my hair into a high, loose bun and step under the soothing water; washing away all the tension that I've been carrying since she entered my office.

I wrap myself in a towel and go back into the bedroom to grab one of Christian's t-shirts to wear to bed. I'm still standing in my towel when an arm snakes around my waist and pulls me back into his chest; he runs his nose up and down the side of my neck whilst inhaling.

"Ready for bed baby?" He asks whilst peppering soft kisses on my neck.

"Well… I would be if someone wasn't kissing me and scattering my thoughts" I respond with a giggle. I turn around and snake my arms around his neck.

"I can't help it; you're just so damn sexy! Come, let's get into bed" He says whilst slipping into his PJ pants. I put his shirt on and slide under the covers, a few moments later Christian gets in behind me and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me back so that we're spooning. His fingertips stroke up and down my arm and before long I drift to sleep.

* * *

I waken up somewhat rested – which surprized me, especially after yesterday's events. My arm is wrapped around Ana's waist and my nose is in her hair.

_How can she possibly still love you after all you have done to her, you do know that if the kids yours she's divorcing your ass right….? _

I scoot over and pick my blackberry up and immediately see that Allyson has replied to the very brief and to the point email I sent her last night. I could tell that it hurt Ana, that's all I seem to do.

**From:** Allyson Anderson  
**Subject:** RE: Meeting  
**Time: **22:45pm  
**To:** Christian Grey

Dear Sir,

I shall be at Escala at 6 pm as per your request.

Yours,  
Ally xo

* * *

What the fuck is she playing at? Addressing me as 'Sir' and signing off as 'yours' she'll never be mine; and Ana always will be. I lay my blackberry back on the end table and wrap my arm around Ana's waist, kissing her neck.

"Wake up baby" I gently cajoled her, earning me a mumble and groan.

"Ana, wake up" I smirk against her neck, thrusting my hips into her glorious ass! I snake my arm over her waist and slip my hand under her shirt to toy with her nipple, as I continue to rub my erect length against that perfect bottom.

"Ana, pleeeeeease – I need you baby, I need you to take care of me" I pout, whilst pulling hard on her nipple; then use my other hand to reach her soaking folds from behind and slip my forefinger inside her, moving in a slow circle then add my middle finger to the mix

"See, your body reacts to me even when you don't want it too!"

"Fuck, right there" She says breathless as she thrusts and rocks her hips against my hand.

"I'll take care of you baby, always" I remove my finger and suck off her arousal earning me a groan of frustration from Ana.

"Mmm, the finest taste on the planet and it's all mine" She sits bolt upright and hurriedly rips her shirt off, pushing me onto my back, yanks my PJ pants off and straddles my hips.

"I'm back in power position, Mr Grey!" She smirks down at me and rocks against my throbbing erection. It stuns me that I can find such satisfaction in Ana taking control of our sexual encounters. She grasps my length in her hand and starts to roughly pump up and down at a furious pace.

"Shit, Ana… fuck that feels good baby" I groan, enjoying her merciless assault on my cock.

"You like that? You like it when I take control, show you who the boss really is?"

Holy. Shit.

"Fuck yes" I groan

"Hmm… you know, I think I'm a little… hungry, maybe even so far as to say; famished" Before I can even string together a coherent thought her mouth envelopes me within its plush warmth. My hands move into her hair and I push it back away from her face so that I can watch her fuck me with her mouth, it's a wonderful sight. I can feel her quicken the pace and I know I'm going to shoot my load any second when she pulls away.

"I know you weren't thinking about coming Mr Grey" She says in a singsong voice whilst shaking her finger from side to side. Jesus, she's trying to kill me, she's going to kill me with sex and I'll be happy to check out. She scoots backwards off my lap and shuffles down the bed so that her feet are pointing towards me.

"Enjoy the show Mr Grey, but you are not permitted to touch yourself, do you understand?"

_Holy fucking shit. Who is she, and what has she done with Ana?_

"If I have to ask again, you won't come at all. When I ask you a question I expect it to be answered without hesitation, is that understood?"

"I understand" I mumble, distracted by the promise that I will want to touch myself, but the hell of not being allowed to.

"You can sit up, so you get a better view if you like... just know that I am thinking of you" I sit up as she lifts her bent knees, with her feet flat against the mattress then spreads her legs… wide, allowing me to see all of her, down to her glistening arousal. Oh fuck, I don't think I'm going to need to touch myself to come. I think I'm going to come with no contact; which hasn't happened since I was fourteen years old and very horny.

"Mmm, are you watching baby? Do you like what you see?" She asks as she toys with her breasts, rolling her nipples between her fingers, arching her neck as she moans

"I'm watching, oh god! I like it very, very much" I say, my voice hoarse with need, need for her and that delectable body. She puts both her forefingers in her mouth and sucks hard, so that her cheeks hollow. She slowly removes her fingers and lightly circles her nipples with her now wet fingers.

"Fuck, Ana you're so hot, sexy – baby, I think I'm going to come without any form of touch"

"Do that and it'll give me a good reason to lay you over my knee" She purrs, my breath hitches and my heart is racing, but not from fear, from desire. Both of her hands knead the pale mounds of flesh and slowly trail further south, down over her taught stomach, and skim the line between her belly and her sex.

"Do you want me to go lower Christian?"

"Yes" I respond, my eyes dilated with desire, she is carnal, sexual goddess made just for me.

"How badly do you need me to go lower?" She asks her voice husky and I know that she is as turned on as I am. In the art of seduction, the most offensive weapon in your arsenal is anticipation, and I've taught her well. I am hanging on her every move, riveted by the siren that is writhing in front of me.

"So fucking badly baby, I need you to go lower – please?" I beg, I want to dive headfirst between her thighs and lap at her engorged sex until she is screaming my name – thankfully I have a modicum of self-control, plus this game, this performance is fun and the _anticipation _will make the release that much more intense. One hand skims over her pubic hair and the other heads back to her breasts. She uses her middle and forefingers to rub her swollen clitoris in a slow circle, I feel a sheen of sweat mist over my skin and I fear that my nuts are turning blue. I bite down on my lip to try to distract my pulsing, throbbing, aching need standing at full attention and its calling for her core.

"Do you want me Christian?" I can't take my eyes off her; I don't know how to get my brain to engage my mouth.

"No, I don't want you Ana… I _need_ you"

"Then what are you waiting for?" The words have barely left her lips and I'm already on top of her, mashing my mouth over hers, biting and sucking on that fucking bottom lip.

"Fuck, Ana you're Aphrodite, I'm in awe of you!" I say in between kisses. I hook her legs around my hips and impale her with one sharp thrust.

"Christian, shit!" I drive into her, hard and deep her nails rake down my back as she tightens her legs grip around me.

"Ana, I'm gonna… baby, I can't hold on" I franticly beg, pleading for allowance.

"Come with me, feel it Christian – just feel" I continue to ram into her, as she thrusts her hips up to meet mine and I feel her walls contract around me and she stiffens moaning her release into my mouth.

"Fuck!" I groan as I stiffen, pouring myself inside her, and then collapse on top of her.

"I love you Christian, you're everything to me" I lift myself up onto my forearms and kiss her sweet lips repeatedly

"Baby, you're everything and _more,_ you're it for me and there will never be anyone else for me Ana" I say, resting my forehead against hers.

"Christian… do you… you know… like when I do that, take control like that because if you don't then it's okay" I snort.

"Baby, are you serious right now? Shit, Ana – I didn't know that someone could take control of me and that I'd like it, no, that I'd love it?!" My baby giggles underneath me and I can't help but chuckle back.

"Who'd have thought it, bookworm Ana Steele is a closet domme!" She says whilst giggling profusely.

"I couldn't have said it better myself. As much as I'd love to lay on your gorgeous body all day Mrs Grey, I think the kiddo's will be awake soon and, well I don't want to emotionally scar my children" As I stand up I turn around to walk into the bathroom when a resounding slap rings off my ass!

"OW!" I yelp, rubbing my smarting ass cheek. I'll get her back for that one, even though I can't stop smiling.

* * *

I look over at the clock on the wall and it's just gone 3pm. I finish up what I was working on in my study and head off to find Christian, I need to know what he wants to discuss at this 'meeting' with the whore. I eventually find him in his office.

"Hey baby" He says as he lifts his gaze to meet my own.

"Hi" I reply as I take a seat in front of his desk.

"What can I help you with Mrs Grey?" He asks a salacious twinkle in his eyes.

_Oh no! We're not going there right now!_

"Well, I figured we should at least come up with some sort of game plan…"

"I emailed her, and she agreed to meet me at Escala at 6, I'm going to head over there at about  
5 pm. To be honest with you, I don't know what we're going to discuss?"

"Christian, I just have this feeling that she is using this baby to lure you away from me. I don't think we should mention a DNA test until the time comes because we need to figure out her agenda first. I'll leave around thirty minutes behind you, so that she'll be there when Olivia and I arrive and that's when I'll show her who you belong and always will belong to"

"Fuck, baby you're making me so hard!" I lean down and rest both of my palms on the top of his desk, giving him a perfect view of my breasts.

"I'm going to start getting ready, then I'll get our little princess ready" I walk around his desk and caress his dear face and give him a kiss on the corner of his mouth before leaving his office.

**~o0o~**

I run my fingers through my curled hair and spray it with a holding spray, then I pick Olivia up and do the same to her chocolate curls, minus the holding spray.

"You are so pretty baby girl, we gonna go get daddy?" I ask her and she instantly smiles and claps her little pudgy, dimpled hands. I have dressed her in a gorgeous pink and white frilly dress, and a pink cardigan. She also has those little lace trimmed ankle socks and super cute, tiny white pumps. I add a little bow clip in her hair to finish off the outfit.

"Da!" She exclaims as I place her in the car seat, then I go fetch her diaper bag, and my purse. Sawyer carries Olivia out to the waiting SUV and I give myself the once over in front of the mirror in the foyer.

I am wearing a dark, charcoal grey pencil skirt, and a baby pink, loose shirt that is almost see through, as you can very faintly see the outline of my pink lacy bra, and my smoky grey Laboutine pumps. I finish the outfit with my 3CT diamond studs and the matching necklace, with the diamond settling in the hollow of my throat. I sprits some Coco Mademoiselle perfume on my wrists, my neck and behind my ears. I use a small Swarovski crystal hair pin to hold a little bit of my hair off to the side, behind my ear so that you can see my earrings. I am happy with my look so I take a deep breath and step outside and into the waiting SUV.

"Are you ready to kick some bimbo piece of ass Ana?" He smirks at me from the rear view mirror.

"I am more than ready Luke. I've been waiting on this day since I caught them together. Tonight, I get my revenge.

* * *

I am sitting at my piano, playing softly to myself when Taylor clears his throat. I halt my playing and turn to face him.

"Sorry for interrupting sir, but Ms Anderson has arrived" I give him a terse nod which he reciprocates. A few moments later Taylor walks in and announces her presence.

"Ms Anderson, sir"

"That will be all Taylor" He nods and retreats from the room. Allyson's head is still bowed and I find that it really annoys me.

"Allyson, you aren't my submissive – you aren't anything to me so its inconsequential whether you look me in the eye or not" She lifts her head to look at me and I see her desire, plainly as if 'FUCK ME NOW' is flashing on her forehead.

"Why the hell did you accost my wife at her office?"

"I… I didn't accost her sir, you wouldn't answer my calls, I didn't have any other choice"

"Bullshit. You could have come to Grey House, you could have told Taylor when he came to remove you – you only went to GP to hurt my wife and don't sit there and pretend you're little miss innocent because you're not. We both know the truth Allyson so stop trying to play me for a fool"

"What are you saying Mr Grey?" She asks her brow creasing.

"I am saying that you went to my wife's office with the intention to hurt her and don't fucking deny it"

"Mr Grey, I would never intentionally hurt someone like that, and I am sorry that she is hurting but my baby needs its father just as much as your other kids. Did she say that I hurt her on purpose? Because I did no such thing?" I am going to lose the fucking plot with her any second. I take a deep breath and try to rein in my anger. I count to ten and slowly open my eyes, pinning her with my steel gaze.

"Allyson, I said stop fucking denying it. I saw the videotape from the hallway… you waited until you heard her cry then fucking left" She doesn't reply, just stares at an invisible spot on the floor.

"When is your due date?" I ask with disinterest.

"September 15th"

"So that's just about two weeks away then?"

"Yes sir. Will you be there, when the baby is born?" She asks hopeful.

"I don't know, I suppose it'll depend on when you go into labor?" Just at that the elevator pings and I hear the unmistakeable sound of Laboutines walking across the marble floor.

Ana walks through the doors and into the great room. She looks fucking divine; I just want to take her right this fucking second. Olivia is in her arms and she's just so adorable.

"Hey baby" Ana murmurs whilst slowly walking over to me. Olivia begins to giggle and reaches her little hands out towards me. Ana bends down and places a wet, smouldering kiss upon my lips, nipping and licking nosily.

"Here's daddy baby girl" Ana says whilst placing Olivia in my lap then takes a seat beside us. I notice the crackle of tension in the room right now, Ana and Ally glare at each other. I pick Olivia up and bounce her on my knee whilst Ana leans in and makes faces at her earning us her throaty belly laugh and it's just infectious.

"Um, yes Allyson, is there anything else you want to ask?" Her expression resembles thunder. She suddenly places her hand upon her bump and at first I think she is going into labor but then a slow smile spreads across her face.

"Christian, the baby's moving around, give me your hand?" She stretches her hand out to me and I recoil back.

"No, I'd rather not. You see, once you've felt one baby kick, you've felt them all" You'll just have to deal with that honey because I'm not touching you. Her face falls and if looks could kill Ana would be six feet under. Olivia starts to fuss on my lap and I brush my lips on her forehead.

"I think you need changed little miss! Did you bring her diaper bag baby?" I ask, brushing my hand up and down her thigh.

"Yeah, it's on the island" I look at Ana, silently asking with my eyes if she's alright on her own. She subtly nods and I get up, leaving a kiss on her forehead and leave the room, with the two of them glaring at each other.

* * *

"Yeah, it's on the island" Christian looks at me pointedly, subtly asking if I'm alright on my own.

_Don't worry; our inner bitch will be unleashed momentarily!_

He kisses my forehead and leaves the great room, which is crackling with tension.

"I'd say it's nice to see you again but I'd be lying" I smirk at her, I hate that I almost fell for her well versed routine of playing the poor pregnant mistress, who didn't want to cause any trouble but does anyway.

"Likewise! You see, you're threatened by me _Ana_, because I can do things for him that you couldn't possibly imagine – I can please him in ways which you clearly can't because he wouldn't have gone elsewhere in the first place if you could do the things we enjoy"

"Right… if that were the case, and you satisfied him so much… he had the perfect opportunity to be with you when we separated, yet he couldn't wait to come home to me. I actually remember him saying the words 'she meant nothing' on several occasions"

"The only reason we stopped was because we got caught. Do you really believe that he would have ended things if we hadn't? Oh, I guess they are right about you… poor naïve Ana" She pouts her bottom lip out mocking me but I am filled with Christian's love, it's emanating from me in every direction so her words can't get to me, they can't hurt me.

"See the thing is Allyson… when you leave here you're going home alone to your empty apartment to lie in your empty bed. I am however, going home with my _husband_ and we'll put our children to bed then he's going to make such sweet love with me. I think you already know how much of an exceptional lover Christian is… oh wait… you don't because with you darling, all it ever was… was fucking" I see her chin tremble and her eyes starting to water but I'm on a roll, my inner bitch has been unleashed and she isn't holding back. "He has never, and will never have an ounce of feeling for you. He actually told me why your contract was terminated back in the beginning – you _loved _him, but he wasn't interested in more with you. I am his more, I always will be. Just remember, he didn't want you then, and he doesn't want you now so wake up and smell the fucking coffee Ms Anderson, because in this game… you won't win. Now that we have that issue cleared up how about we discuss our options?"

_Fuck me, that felt good!_

Christian comes back into the room and sits down with Olivia, possessively placing his hand back on my thigh.

"Allyson, I think it's probably best if you just give me a call when you go into labor – that way we can meet you at the hospital?" Christian looks to me and I give him my nod of approval.

"We?" She asks with a frown between her brows.

"We, meaning Christian and I. When the baby is born, Christian will have access, correct?" I ask, trying to keep my poker face.

"Why would you want to come to the hospital? And of course he'll have access – any time he wants" Allyson states, frowning whilst trying to figure out where I am going with this.

"Well, I think that I should be there when this baby is born because any time that he or she is with their father, he or she will also be with me and be taken care of by the both of us" I say with a sweet smile as I take Christian's hand. I can tell that she is about to bubble over with either jealousy or rage and I can't disguise my glee.

"Is there anything else Allyson, we really need to get this little princess home" Christian says with adoration at Olivia and I, and then turns his artic glare on her.

"No… sir" She says calmly, peaking up from in between her lashes

"Allyson, stop with the fucking smartass childish remarks because to be honest they are really getting on my nerves! Do you actually have the maturity to handle a child; do you have any idea of how much care a new born baby needs?" Oh, you've angered him now bitch!

"I am quite capable of taking care of _our_ baby" Her tongue caressing the word 'our' whilst she smirks at me

"Good, I'd hate to drag you through the courts for custody, because I can assure you that Anastasia and I would win, I'm sure you don't want that"

"Taylor" Christian shouts a few moments' later Jason walks into the great room.

"Sir"

"Escort Ms Anderson out please" He nods and gestures for Allyson to leave the room, she stands up slowly, clutching at her back and waddles over to Taylor, she pauses right beside Christian and looks up at him.

"So, I'll call you if there's anything wrong. I'll see you later" Then turns on her heel and leaves the great room. Christian stands up and heads into one of the bedrooms, when he returns he has one of Gracie's jungle gym mats and lays it on the floor, then places our daughter underneath it; she lays there quite happy and content whilst she chews her feet. Christian wraps his arms around my waist and roughly pulls me to him

"Oh, Mrs Grey I am so fucking hot for you right now!" He growls whilst kissing my neck as I giggle at his reaction.

"What's made you so hot for me?"

"Everything!" He mumbles against my breasts as he nuzzles his face against them.

"Well… how about we head home and get our babies to bed, and then we can have a date in our tub?" I pull on his hair until he lifts his head up to look in my eyes, I lean into his ear and softly graze his lobe with my teeth then whisper "What do you say to that Mr Grey?"

"I love you Ana, so very much" he says, then kisses my lips softly.

"I love you too Christian" I smile back at him whilst caressing his cheek. Christian bends down and grabs Olivia in his arms and softly kisses her chubby cheeks.

"You look so beautiful baby girl" He says to Olivia, whilst blowing Raspberries against her cheeks, she giggles and squeals at her dad. He really is a wonderful father.

"Daddad"

"Baby, what are you thinking about?"

"Just you, how much of a wonderful father you are to our children" I take his hand in mine and the three of us walk into the elevator.

"I can't wait to get you home Mrs Grey"

"I can't wait to get home Mr Grey" He smirks at me and kisses my forehead as the elevator travels smoothly to the garage, wetness pools between my thighs and I know that the hour journey back home is going to be unbearable.

* * *

**A/N: I am so, so, so, super sorry for the long wait; this chapter wasn't an easy one to write and I don't know if it flows as well – so I'm sorry if it sucks and wasn't what you were hoping for lol but I tried and kept pushing through my writers block :(**

**I kind of figured that Ana would be bitchy; hell I know I'd be! Do you think Allyson has gotten the message? How do you guys think she's feeling right now? Thank you for reading; if you have time please drop me a review with your thoughts, idea's, feelings because they inspire me to keep going ;)**

**With Love  
-Susie. xoxo**


	51. Chapter 51: Tucking in chats

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

We are all sitting at the table eating our dinner, Christian is feeding Olivia a pureed version of our meal, although you'd swear that her mouth had relocated to her hair; allowing him to feed her solid food is just making more work for myself but nothing gives me more joy than seeing Christian interacting with our children, especially since he reacted so badly when I got pregnant with Teddy. Speaking of unplanned babies, It's been two days since we met with Allyson at Escala, I am more sure than ever that Allyson's baby isn't Christians. I think that she was planning to wait until after she had the baby to tell Christian, she didn't account for us getting back together and she's had to change her plans.

I'm glad that we didn't ask for DNA straight away because I just think it's too convenient, she just happens to get pregnant the night I catch them at it? I mean, if it was prior to catching them she would have already given birth… no, something funny is going on and I am determined not to let it affect our marriage.

After we're all finished eating I clear the dishes whilst Christian helps Teddy with his homework. I'm still loading the dishes into the dishwasher when Christian walks up behind me and snakes his arms around my waist and nuzzles his nose in my hair.

"Oh baby, what I'd like to do to you right now." He kisses the sweet spot behind my ear and groans as he grope's my behind.

"As soon as those kids are asleep, we're going to have some precious alone time, and I'm going to make sure to use it wisely"

"I'll hold you to that Mr. Grey." I say, my voice filled with anticipation.

Teddy, Grace and Christian are watching cartoons, whilst Olivia plays on the floor. She's on her play mat with her toes in her mouth, giggling in delight at her little game. She then rolls onto her tummy and kicks her legs smiling at me and gurgling.

"DA!" she yells, getting annoyed that he isn't paying attention to her.

"Christian ..."

"What is it baby?" he says whilst he's still focused on the TV. Olivia has pushed herself up so that she's on all fours and trying to make her way across to her father, but instead of crawling forwards, she keeps scooting backwards, earning us a wail of pure frustration. Christian finally looks over at her, wondering how she got from the matt to where she is right now.

"Did she just crawl?"

"Yep, she was trying to get your attention and you were ignoring her so she decided to make her way over to you but she went backwards." I say with a giggle.

"Olivia, were you trying to get daddy?" he asks her with a big smile pasted on his face. He gets on the floor on the other side of the room and picks up one of her toys, shaking it to get her to come over to him. She rocks backwards and forwards still on all fours.

"Come on peanut, come across to daddy!" She tries again but still ends up going backwards. She gets really mad, and starts to cry - she definitely has her father's temper!

"It's okay baby, daddy's coming to get you." Christian walks over and scoops her into his arms, blowing raspberries on her cheeks.

"Daddad!"

"Yes peanut. Daddy's here." Christian looks at his watch and its 8pm which means it's the kiddo's bedtime.

"Okay guys, tidy up your toys it's time for bed..."

"Awww ... can't I just stay up for a little longer?" Teddy moans.

"No, you have school tomorrow. Bed for you little man" I say to him. He's a really good kid, throughout the time Christian and I were apart, Teddy helped me so much, especially with keeping Gracie entertained so that I wasn't stressed out. I know we'll always have a special bond between us because of this. I also know that he won't forget what Christian done, and it hurt him terribly.

"Yes Ma'am." I give him a wink and a hug.

"I love you so much Teddy bear. You're such a kind, loving boy; you'll always be my baby boy, no matter how big and grown up you get!"

"I love you too mom. I just want you to be happy." I kiss his hair and try to hold back my tears.

"Well, get your butt into the bathroom and get ready for bed, because that will make me very happy! Please remember to brush your teeth, okay?"

"Can dad tuck me in tonight?"

"Sure, you get into your PJ's and I'll get your dad."

I head into Gracie's bedroom as Christian's in the process of tucking her in.

"I love you Gracie, sleep tight baby girl"

"G'night daddy" I smile as Christian reaches over and switches her princess lamp on which casts magical patterns all around the room.

"Night sweetie, I love you." I kiss her forehead and push her out-of-control curls out of her eyes.

"Love you momma" I make sure her monitor is switched on before Christian and I leave her room, pulling her door slightly closed.

I wrap my arms around Christian's neck and kiss him on the lips

"Teddy wants you to tuck him in tonight" I say with a smile, biting my lip; which earns me a groan.

"I'll go tuck him in then. Do you fancy a bubble bath before bed?" He asks me as he kisses my neck

"Hmmm, that'll be nice. You go tuck in your mini-me and read with him, I'll get the water started."

"Mrs Grey, stop biting your lip or the kid will have to make do with tucking himself in, because I'll be busy tucking myself inside you." I slap his chest with mock disgust.

"Whoever said romance is dead?" I giggle and set off for our bathroom.

* * *

I watch Ana walk off in the direction of our bedroom. God, that delectable ass. I still can't believe that after everything with Allyson and this baby that Ana still loves and wants me here.

_Yeah Grey, she shouldn't even tolerate your presence. Stop thinking about fucking her and go take care of your son._

I go into Teddy's room and sit on his bed.

"Mom said you wanted me to tuck you in champ?"

"Yeah, I just said that so that I could talk to you about something" Teddy's expression is rather grave.

"What did you want to talk to me about son?"

"About what happened with you and mom, about what was in the newspapers?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck!? What the fuck is he going to say about all this shit? I have a feeling that I am about to get a lecture from my 8 year old son.

"What about it? It's okay Teddy, you can talk to me about anything?"

"Well the big kids at school were making fun of me. They said that you didn't love us, and you didn't love mom, that you would get divorced and I'd have a new mom. Dad, I don't want a new mom! You hurt mom, I don't want you to ever hurt my mom like that again, because it was horrible. Mom spent all her time crying and I couldn't make her feel better, I really tried." he says whilst looking down at his twisted fingers, I could see tears glistening in his eyes as he bit his lip to stop it from trembling; a habit that he's picked up from Ana.

I don't even know what to say to that. What's the right thing to say? I take a deep breath and let it out, closing my eyes, trying to figure out how to explain my actions. He's right though, I hurt our family.

"Teddy I love you, you're my son. That'll never, ever change, no matter what. No one could ever make me not love you, your mom and your sisters. I'm sorry that you got picked on because of my mistakes, and you'll never know how sorry I am for hurting mommy. Sometimes ..." I'm at a loss for words. What the hell have I done? He's fucking eight years old; he shouldn't be having conversations like this!

"Sometimes, a grown-up has to lose something, before they know how precious it is and how much they need it. I love you, I love our family and I never, ever want to lose you guys again. I promise you, I'll make it up to mommy, and you. I won't let you down again, okay?" He sits up and wraps his arms around my neck, I hear him sniffling. I feel like a total shit. I am a shit; no I am a fucking shit! For the longest time I just sit there, holding onto him, I don't want to let him go.

"I love you all the way to the moon dad, and I'm glad that you're home" I laugh through my tears

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that." I kiss his cheek and pull his covers over him.

"Goodnight son, I love you right up to the moon, and all the way back Teddy bear" I turn his lamp off and leave the room, closing the door softly. I wipe my eyes, trying to get a handle on my emotions before going into our en suite. I can't believe Ted remembered our little bedtime routine we had when he was little. I open the door to the bathroom and Ana is sitting in our massive sunken bathtub.

"Christian, what's wrong? Why have you been crying?" I shake my head. I just feel so terrible. I strip my clothes off quickly and step into the bath, getting into position behind Ana. I wrap both arms across her and pull her into my chest, her back to my front. She holds onto me with her hands and leans her head on my arms as I kiss her neck.

"Please tell me what's wrong Christian, you remember what Logan said?" When I don't say anything she continues

"Without communication, our marriage is as good as dead? I don't want that so please talk to me? You were fine a little while ago?"

"Oh Ana, I'm so sorry. I'm just so, so sorry." I kiss her neck over and over again. She runs her fingers over my forearms, soothing me. I take a deep breath as she leans her head back onto my shoulder.

"Teddy, he asked me to tuck him in so he could talk to me about what's been happening at school. He told me about getting picked on because of what I did. How much I hurt him and you, and basically told me that he doesn't want me to ever hurt you again. Did you know that the kids at school were saying that I didn't love you, or him, that we would get a divorce and he'd have a new mom?" I hear Ana gasp, and I know he didn't tell her anything.

"He never said anything to me, I swear he didn't or I would have dealt with it. We need to make an appointment with the school and get this straightened out"

"We'll do that first thing. I really fucked everything up didn't I?"

"Christian, as much as I'd like to keep telling you how badly you've fucked up, we need to move past this, rehashing it all the time isn't going to help anything. I've forgiven you, you need to forgive yourself" I have an idea, but I don't know how to broach it, especially with how Ana feels in regards to pain.

"If I needed you to do something for me, would you do it? Because, I think I know how to get passed everything – I just don't know how you're going to feel about it?" I say as I continue to kiss her neck; I fucking love kissing her neck, it's second only to her breasts.

"What is it?" She asks, already suspicious.

"Baby, do you remember the night we got back together, you told me to be ready and waiting for you in the bedroom, but when you came in, I wasn't how I was supposed to be?" I ask, trying to ease into this conversation.

"Yeah, I wanted to see you on your knees" She giggle-snorts

"The reason I didn't strip and sit how I was supposed to was because I needed and wanted you to punish me physically Ana. I think if you punish me for what I've done to you, for hurting you and our children; I'll be able to move past it, once and for all" She instantly tenses and I wait and wait for her response. I can almost hear her heart racing and imagine her eyes to be frozen wide with panic. She slowly turns in my arms and takes a hold of my face in her hands.

"Baby, that isn't a good idea for us. I know that you're scared of everything that is going on right now but remember what Dr Logan said… she said that you need to find _new_ coping mechanisms, and exclude all extreme aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. Christian I love you, sure it's fun to role play sexually but I'm not Elena – and I never will be so you're going to have to come to terms with this some other way"

"You're right, I'm sorry"

"Don't be sorry, this is how you've coped for the last twenty years. Changing lifelong patterns isn't going to happen overnight. I just wish that you would get it through your head that I love you and our family more than anything else and that we're going to get through this, I promise"

"What if it's mine Ana, will we get through that?" I ask, cutting to the heart of the fear I've been feeling. Her face falls and a haunted expression takes a hold of her eyes.

"I don't know" She whispers and my world stops spinning and fear grips my heart. She takes a deep breath and kisses my lips softly "But I hope that we will because I love you, and I know what it's like to live without you, and I don't want to live like that again" I slide my hands into her wet hair and seal my mouth over hers, kissing her with deep reverence, with passion and love. Ana is the only person that I ever want and need; like I need air to breathe and can't survive without.

"Ana, when are your parent's coming to visit?" I ask, she's moaning as I massage shampoo into her scalp

"Shit, I completely forgot… they're going to be here on Wednesday. I hope you have your running shoes looked out Christian" I pause my ministrations on her scalp and gape at her

"Okay, that was a bad joke, I'm sorry" She giggles at me and I groan

"Your fucking father is going to shoot me, probably in the balls"

"He is not, stop being so melodramatic! If he's going to shoot you it will be in the temple at point blank range, probably with a silencer and no doubt I'll have to help him dispose of your body like the last time!" My eyes widen and my jaw pops open. I can't believe she just said that.

_Your temple better hope she's joking Grey 'cause otherwise you're fucked!_

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry but I couldn't resist – it was too good an opportunity to pass up" She giggles again whilst trying to wriggle out of my hold.

"I'll get you back for that one Mrs Grey" I let her go and splash water at her as she rinses the shampoo out of her hair

"Come, you're getting pruney" I bide my time, and as she steps out of the bath water and reaches for the towel, I land a ringing slap right on her wet butt cheek, my palm is ringing in pain and I smirk

"OW!" She yelps rubbing her sore spot.

"I love you baby" I smile lovingly and she shakes her head at me.

"I'll get you back when you least expect it Mr Grey"

"I have no doubt that you will baby, and I look forward to it"

We get dried off and turn down the covers and slide into bed. Ana lies on her front, resting her chin on my chest.

"I love you!" She whispers walking her fingers over my abs, down past my navel and stopping right beside where my skin meets the duvet and slips them under and continues her journey south. I close my eyes and moan deep in my throat when she reaches her destination, her hand wraps around me tightly and smoothly pumps up and down, and up and down at a slow, measured pace.

"Ana, shit! That feels so good" I moan, she peppers kisses on my chest and I open my eyes to meet hers. I place my hand over hers and stop her from moving up and down my length.

"What's wrong baby?" She asks, peaking up at me through her thick and lush lashes. I remove her hand and flip her on her back, placing my body over hers, pressing her into the mattress as I hold her hands above her head with one of mine and use the other hand to hold her chin. I kiss her soft lips and my tongue traces around them, asking for access and she opens up her mouth and thrusts her tongue along mine until we break apart panting.

"I love you so much Ana, I really want to fuck you hard and fast just how you like it baby" I stroke my hand from the side of her face all the way down her neck, following the contours of her curves and finally settling on her hip.

"Are you ready baby? I bet you are so ready" I say with a smirk, stroking my nose along hers. I slowly trail my fingers to find her sex and gently circle her clitoris then insert my two middle fingers into her sex, pressing the heel of my hand against her stiff peak.

"You are so fucking ready Mrs Grey" I start to pump my fingers in and out and using the heel of my hand to brush against her clitoris, creating the delicious friction that she loves.

"Mmm! Christian, that feels so good! Oooh" I moans and pants and my smile gets wider as I move further down the bed and take her strained nipple in my mouth, sucking sharply and biting with my teeth

"Fuck! Christian, oh please?"

"What is it baby?"

"I need you" She starts to stiffen and I feel her begin to quiver and I still all stimulation. I position myself with one hand and thrust sharply inside her in one swift move

"Ahhh" She says whilst arching her back, pushing those delicious breasts against my chest.

"Sweet jesus you are so tight, and warm, and wet and just fucking delectable. These breasts" I grab both of them, pushing them together and then bury my face in them, placing gentle kisses and wet bites all over her wonderful nipples "Fed my babies; provided their food and sustenance and they've also provide me a great deal of pleasure, like they're doing right now" I look up at Ana with pure carnal need and her chest is heaving showing her height of arousal. I pull back and slam into her again; I continue thrusting hard and fast, ramming my cock deep inside her, her answering groans tell me that she fucking loves it!

"Ahhhh" Ana moans as her neck arches and I take the opportunity so leave kisses all over it.

"I also love your neck baby, I love kissing and sucking on it, just looking at it gets me hard as a rock!"

"Christian, please baby!" I rear back and continue my unrelenting rhythm, I reach down and start to work over her clitoris, rubbing and massaging it quickly.

"Shit, don't stop – yes, right there!" I feel her walls start to quiver around me, hugging me and enveloping me with their warmth and I know she'll fall over the edge any second, I grab her hips and lift them up for me

"Come for me baby" I apply solid pressure to her clit and thrust into her as we both explode together.

"I love you Christian"

"I love you too baby" I say and kiss the tip of her nose; I pull out of her and start to massage her shoulders. After a few moments she lets out a long yawn and I smile lovingly at her.

"I think you're well and truly fucked Mrs Grey and in need of some R&R!"

"I think for once, that I shall agree with you on both counts; you're pretty fucked yourself darling" I chuckle at her adorable tired expression.

"Turn onto your side baby" I say quietly, moving her hair to kiss her neck and shoulder. She turns around and snuggles under the duvet as I pull her against my chest and lay my head right next to hers.

"Sleep tight baby, I love you always"

"And I you Christian" I close my eyes with my nose in her hair and inhale deeply, it's not long before I drift into a peaceful sleep

* * *

_Reference: 'I love you to the moon' quote is from 'Guess how much I love you' by Sam McBratney._

A/N: _This was just a little filler chapter, and I hope you enjoyed it! Poor Teddy needed to get that off his chest! I just want to take this little opportunity to ask you if you'd like Allyson's point of view again, because some people didn't like it the last time so I figured I'd ask and see what you guys think…_

_How do you think Christian will handle the Carla & Ray situation; especially Ray because of what he did to Ana whilst she was pregnant… what do you think Ray is going to say or do about CG?_

If you have a good suggestion I might just add it to the story; credit will be given obviously lol!

_I thank you for all your wonderful reviews… I still can't believe the level of success this story has got, in the words of lizlemonnumber2: 'That's crazy sauce!' Oh and sorry for the massive Authors note, yet again lol ._

_With Mucho love  
-Susie. xoxo_


	52. Chapter 52: Papa don't preach

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I am fucking pissed, I don't think I have ever felt this much rage; I feel livid. I wanted to rag that woman all over that apartment, especially when she flaunted the fact that Christian hangs on her every word; what's so special about her, I'm just as pretty, and if he would give me half a second of his time and attention he would know how nice I am. I'm a good person…

_Yeah, you're just trying to convince a billionaire that you're carrying his child –which you aren't– and you're trying to split up a happy marriage – right, you are so super nice and such a good person. FYI that was sarcasm!_

I head into my apartment and I just want to cry; this was supposed to work, it was supposed to be 'fool proof' now I'm going to be lumped with a kid that I don't fucking want without him. I am at a total loss for what to do, what do I do to win him over? I tried flaunting my submissive personality at him and it backfired big time. If that fucking _Anastasia _thinks she's going to be around to help care for our baby she has another thing coming. Once the baby is born, and is placed in his or her daddy's arms he'll be putty in my hands, we'll be holding and bonding with our baby and _Ana _will feel like the third wheel, the spare part and the soon to be 'ex-wife' I will find a way to make him mine, for good this time. I'll make sure of it…

Game on bitch, game-fucking-on!

* * *

Usually whenever Ana's parents visit, we collect them from the airport together, I am not ashamed to admit that I refused to go pick up Ray and Carla because I am a little terrified at Ray's reaction. Ana hasn't told her parents that we are back together and working on our marriage, they'll find out once they arrive I suppose. I'm not looking forward to the next few days at all, I know that I deserve whatever he says or does to me but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. My cell vibrates in front of me and I quickly pick it up and press it to my ear…

"Grey"

"Hi Mr Grey, its Welch sir… I've done some digging around, and tried to track Ms Anderson's movements from the night she left Escala to when she showed up at GP"

"What have you found?" I ask, desperate to have some information, something to back up our theories that Allyson is up to no good.

"Well here's the thing sir… Ms Anderson took the service elevator downstairs and left with the driver you hired to bring her to the city, and he drove her straight back to her apartment in Edmond, they didn't make any stops and he waited until she was safely inside before he left. This is where it gets strange sir… Ms Anderson used her credit card for some groceries the next day, but after that… I can't find anything, credit card transactions, bill payments, phone records… absolutely nothing for nearly seven months, until she popped back onto our radar when she purchased a new lease for an apartment in Pike Place Market, three weeks ago. I'm sorry sir but that's all I've got?" He sounds perplexed and genuinely confused, _join the fucking club Welch! _I sigh heavily and run my hands through my hair in frustration.

"Just keep digging, find something, she can't have fucking disappeared for seven fucking months Welch" I snap at him. "Why do I pay you so much fucking money? For fucking information, that's why" I yell!

"Yes Sir, I'll keep digging. I'll do a search to see if she has any other known aliases, hopefully I should have something to report back to you soon." He says, sounding contrite.

"Keep me informed" I say before ending the call. I rub my hands over my face repeatedly, trying to wipe away the frustration from not having any idea of what Allyson is trying to accomplish with this whole fucking situation.

"Daddy, why you yell?" Gracie asks, rubbing her eyes and yawning. Shit, she must have woken up because of my yelling.

"I'm sorry sweetie, did I waken you up?" I ask as I lift her onto my lap, she nods sleepily and snuggles into my chest.

"Do you want to go lay back down in your bed princess?" I ask, pressing my nose into her hair and inhaling her clean baby scent.

"No, I lay wif you daddy" I smooth her wild curls away from her face as I stand up, she still trails that god damn pink blanket that Kate bought for her when she was born. Ana say's that she'll throw it away eventually, but I'm not as optimistic – I remember one night not long after Gracie's second birthday, I had to attend some function in the city and instead of us being apart we decided to just stay at Escala overnight. I got a phone call halfway through the mind numbing, piss poor dinner from Ana, begging me to drive all the way back to the big house to get that god damned blanket – which was also when we named it, 'that god damned blanket'

"How about, we go downstairs and lay on the couch with your blankie while we watch cartoons?" I ask, whilst rubbing her back and kissing her hair.

"Otay daddy, we do that! Is baby Liv still seepy?"

"Yeah, Olivia's still asleep sweetie. Would you like some breakfast just now?" Gracie has such a good appetite, unlike her mother.

"No, we get breakfast later, my tummy still seepy daddy" I quietly chuckle at her cuteness. I grab Olivia's monitor and head downstairs with Grace and plonk her on the sofa then switch on the cartoon channel. She crawls onto my lap and snuggles her little hand on the collar off my shirt and it's not long until she is curled into me, sound asleep.

"I love you Gracie pie, even though grandpa is going to kill me"

* * *

I'm standing waiting at the gate for my mom and dad, my stomach is in a pile of knots, mostly because I'm worried about their reaction of Christian and I working on our marriage. Plus the fact of Allyson and her baby, all I need is for Ray to find out about that; I'll never see Christian again.

People finally start filling out of the terminal and eventually I spot them. Ray gets to me first and picks me up into a massive bear hug

"Annie, I've missed you so much honey" I squeeze my dad even tighter and kiss his cheek.

"I've missed you too dad!"

"Ana come here baby!" My mom gushes at me, pulling me from my father's embrace into her own.

"I've missed you mom, it's so good to see you" I feel myself getting a little teary.

"So, where are the kids? I want to see my grandbabies!"

"Oh, they're at the house, it was too early to bring them with me"

"Well, let's get our bags and head to your mansion" I shake my head at my mother. She always has to mention the size of my house. I am nervous about telling them that Christian and I are back together, I figure it's probably better to just let them figure it out for themselves.

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that… you might just end up believing it! _Snarky bitch!

We pile into the car and I send a quick text to Christian,

**'On our way back from the airport, no matter what happens over the next few days, know that I love you, and that's all that matters. – A. xx'**

**'I know baby, don't stress yourself about me, everything will be just fine and I love you too. – C xo'**

On the ride back to the big house, we mostly talk about the kids, what they've been up to and stuff, keeping on safe topics of conversation only… thank god!

"So, how's Olivia? Is she talking more – what's her personality like?" My mom asks, and I can't help the face splitting grin that comes over me whenever I think about my baby.

"She's wonderful, yeah she's talking a little… her first word was 'Da' and for ages she just refused to say anything that resembled an 'm' sound!" I giggle nervously when my father snorts.

"So what's her character like, is she anything like Gracie?" I shake my head quickly.

"Oh good god no, one Gracie is enough for me thanks very much! She's quite giggly, she's a happy baby she went through a phase where she was trying to test my will on weaning her. That was difficult, it's still difficult. I liked having that special bond with her but I stopped nursing Ted and Grace when they turned six months old, whereas Olivia is now eight months and still sometimes manages to get me to relent and nurse her – especially when she was teething. That was hell!"

"Ana honey, each child is completely different, just because Ted and Gracie were ready to stop nursing at six months doesn't mean that Olivia is ready just yet"

"I know she doesn't get anything from me during the day, just at night when I'm trying to get her to go to sleep. If she doesn't get her own way, that's when she has her little temper tantrums and starts clawing at me" I suddenly remember that we're not alone in the car and I steal a glance in my rear view mirror and even dad's ears are blazing red.

_Shit! Oh well, you've just discussed in great detail how your daughter 'claws' at your breasts._

"So, how's your love life? I saw the pictures of you online with some ob/gyn. He was hot Ana, are you guys getting serious?" My mom raises her eyebrows at me suggestively.

_Great, first your breasts are a topic of conversation and now apparently your sex life. _

"My love life is great, and no Richard and I met at some club Kate and Elliot dragged me to that night, then we met up, and had dinner the next night and I haven't seen him since. He was nice and stuff but he just wasn't right for me mom" I keep my gaze firmly on the road because I know that my mom is now curious by my answer.

"So you've met someone else then, because you said you're love life 'is great'?"

"No, I haven't met anyone else, good god have you been taking lessons on inquisition technique from Kate?" I snap at her. Her eyes widen and she raises her hands up in defeat.

"Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a knot. I just want you to be happy baby, especially after what that asshole did last year" I gulp at the venom in her tone and her lip curls in agitation, my mom is the most calm and peaceful person I know, so it's odd to see her reacting so aggressively, but I suppose I am her only baby and I know how I'd react if someone hurt any of my own kids.

"Your mother is right Ana, we both just want you to be happy" My dad says whilst meeting my eye in the rear view mirror.

I pull up in the driveway and turn off the ignition, my mom and dad go to get out of the car but I need to speak with them for a moment; I need to at least try and prepare them.

"Wait, I need to talk to you both about something"

"What is it Annie?" My dad asks and I can hear the apprehension laced in his deep voice.

"Remember how you both said that you just want me to be happy?" I ask in a tight, wavering voice.

"Yes, of course we do, that's all any parent wants for their child, right Ray?"

"Absolutely Carla, you deserve happiness baby girl" I nod and try to drag some semblance of a smile on my face, but I expect that it more resembles a tight grimace.

"Just, please try to remember that when we go inside…" I jump out of the car and head into the house before either of them can say anything back to me. I'm pretty sure, from my dad's thunderous expression that he knows who is waiting on us inside.

I walk into the family room and I'm floored by the cute sight that I see. Teddy looks up at me and puts his forefinger to his lips, signalling me to be quiet. Christian is still in his pyjama pants and t-shirt. He's asleep on the couch with Gracie snuggled up beside him, sucking on her thumb, gripping onto her blankie and Olivia is asleep on his chest. Teddy gets up quietly, he has an empty cereal bowl in front of him; with fruit loops scattered around the bowl on the floor.

"Good morning mom" He whispers, hugging me around the waist. I kiss his hair and run my hands through it.

"Good morning to you baby boy" I say as I kiss his hair again.

"Did you get breakfast by yourself?" I ask, slightly annoyed at Christian for falling asleep and leaving Ted to his own devices.

"No, I got to feed Olivia her oatmeal then dad helped me pour the milk for my cereal, and said that I could eat in here while we watched cartoons then they fell asleep"

"You're a very good boy Teddy, and such a great big brother. Guess who I picked up this morning?" I ask as I take his hand and lead him out of the family room, closing the door and take him into the kitchen.

"Poppa RAY" He shouts as he runs over to my dad and jumps into his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck.

"There's my Teddy bear, I swear you've grown half a foot since the last time I saw you!" Teddy's brow furrows and I immediately know what he's thinking and I stifle my giggle.

"Nope, I still only have two feet poppa, can you really grow more than two?" He asks quizzically, his eyes wide and fascinated by the possibility of having more than two feet and we burst into fits of laughter.

"No sweetie, Poppa means a foot in height because you're getting so tall"

"I'm going to be just as tall as dad when I grow up" Teddy says with a nod.

"Grandma CARLA!" Ted squeals when my mother walks into the kitchen. He leaps out of my dad's lap and throws his arms around my mom's waist.

"Hey cutie, oh good lord you look so much like your dad"

"Thank you grandma, I want to be just like my dad when I get big" He says smiling. I love my son so much.

"Are you going to be the next CEO of Grey Enterprise Holdings Teddy bear?"

"Yup, that's what dad always says too"

"Poppa Ray, can we go fishing in the lake while you're here?" He asks, excited.

"Sure sport, we'll figure some plans out because grandma and poppa will be here for a few days" My mom smiles at my dad and sometimes I wonder if she regrets her decision to divorce Ray, from what I remember, they were always so happy together.

"Where's the girls Ana? I'm so excited to see Olivia; I haven't seen her in such a long time, it's been what… three months?"

"They're in the family room with dad, you'll have to be quiet because they're all asleep" Ted says the last part in a whisper. My dad's eyes flash to mine and I can tell that he's angry, so is my mom.

"Ted, can you go upstairs and get dressed please baby? Remember to wash your face and brush your hair and teeth" I say as I kiss his forehead

"Yes Ma'am. Poppa, can we go out back later and I can show you my fort. There are no girls aloud in my fort, I have water balloons and if Grace comes anywhere near it… SPLAT!" He whispers to my father.

"Sure bud, I'm not sure that you should soak your little sister though? Can you go get dressed like mom asked, poppa and grandma have to talk to mom real quick" I gulp, why do I feel like a teenager that's just got caught making out with her boyfriend whilst babysitting? I'm a grown assed woman for god sake?

"Have something you'd like to share with us Annie?" He asks in a deathly quiet voice.

"Um, yeah so Christian and I are back together. We've been in couple's therapy and everything's getting back to where it should be" The words spill out of my voice so fast that they barely register what I've said.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but that sounded like you said you and Christian are back together" He shakes his head laughing, thinking that he misheard me.

"We're back together, you both said that you want me to be happy and he makes me happy okay?!" I say, getting irritated with this whole situation.

"Yeah, he makes you happy until the next time you catch him with some tramp!" He says using that incredulous tone and shaking his head.

"Dad, I know you are just trying to protect me, but this isn't your decision to make – my husband and I are working it out. Case closed" I cross my arms and scowl for added effect.

"The hell it is, if he'll cheat once he'll do it again" My dad yells.

"RAY! Enough, it's her decision. We may not agree with her but it's her choice"

"Ray, I can assure you that I won't hurt Anastasia ever again, you have my word"

"You also gave me your word when you asked for my permission to marry her, so your word doesn't mean shit to me!"

"Daddy, please stop this because it isn't helping anyone. I love him, that's never going to change" I look up at Christian's face and I can see the self-loathing bubbling just beneath the surface of his eyes.

"What I'm supposed to believe that he loves you Annie? Because when we had to fly out here to pick you up and put your shattered heart back together it sure didn't seem like he loved anyone but himself"

"Ray, enough! Can't you see what you're doing right now?" My mom try's to reason with him, but I think it's a lost cause; his reaction has gone way worse than I ever could have imagined. I just want to curl into a ball and cry.

"You're trying to tell me that you're okay with this Carla? After everything that HE" He points at Christian angrily "put her though, put the kids through, especially Olivia?"

"No Ray, I'm not okay with it but this, you arguing and losing your temper isn't helping anything or anyone!"

"What am I supposed to do Carla? Sit back and play happy fucking families with that jack ass? You need to send him back to wherever he fucking came from Annie, send him back to his whore"

"ENOUGH!" I roar, and throw the cup that I'm holding into the sink; it clatters noisily and smashes. "I am so fucking sick of people trying to tell me what's best for me, what I want and what I need. Just because YOU TWO didn't have the fucking guts to fight for each other, or for your marriage doesn't mean that we don't have to fight for ours. I will not let MY children live in a fucking multi-father family like I had to, because it sucked. So don't tell me what's best for me and our children because you are both god damned clueless" I leave the kitchen and storm upstairs, slamming the bedroom door for added emphasis to my point. I am shaking with temper, how dare they come into our home and try to tell me what's best for me? I get that they're mad at Christian, I honestly do but to bring up Olivia was just so out of line, I know how Christian feels about what happened with Olivia and he's probably sitting thinking that they're right! There's a small timid knock on the door and it slowly opens, I am ready to chew out whoever is on the other side and I whip my head around with an expression that could kill daisies and instantly rearrange my face when I see Ted standing, still in his pyjamas with such a sad, pained expression; he looks like Christian when he's sad.

"Mommy, please don't send daddy away again, please?" He has tears streaming down his face and I hold my arms out to him, he comes running into the room and anchors his little arms around my neck.

"I'm not sending daddy away baby. Shh it's alright Teddy bear" I say whilst I run my hand up and down his back, trying to soothe him and stem his tears.

"I don't like that daddy hurt you but we love him just the same. Please don't send him away like poppa wants you too, please because we all love him, right? Promise you won't send him away mommy, please?" My eyes water and I sit down on the end of the bed with Ted in my lap.

"Yes, we all love daddy baby, I love daddy lots and lots. I promise, I'm not sending daddy anywhere, I promise" I say as I kiss his temple over and over again. I pull a few tissues out of the box on the dresser and wipe away his tears. I really want to kill Ray right now, making me mad and upset is one thing, but hurting my son is another entirely. A few moments later Christian knocks on the door and I'm still sitting with Teddy in my arms rocking him back and forth.

"Ana, maybe it's better if I just go to Escala for the rest of their stay?"

"Daddy please don't go, mommy you promise, you promised that you wouldn't send him away?" Ted sobs into my neck, I try to contain my tears but it doesn't work, and they come rolling down my face anyway.

"Whoa, buddy. What's wrong?" Christian asks, panic stricken eyes flash to meet my own.

"He heard us arguing. He thinks I'm sending you away like poppa wants me to. I promised that I wouldn't because we don't want you to go, this is our home and we're happy here together, no matter what"

"Come here buddy?" Christian takes Ted into his arms and hugs him tightly.

"Listen son, remember what we talked about the other night, what you asked me about with the newspapers?" Christian asks in a soft and quiet voice and Teddy nods

"Well, Poppa Ray is still mad at daddy for that, because daddy hurt mommy a lot"

"But you said sorry, and Poppa Ray always says that when you say sorry you should be forgiven? You said sorry right dad?" Christian gives a sad chuckle.

"If only it was that simple son, it's going to take a little while longer for Poppa Ray to forgive dad, so we just need to be patient okay?"

"I love you dad"

"I love you too buddy"

"Christian, I'm going back down to talk to them, because if they can't straighten their shit out with you then they can just go check into a hotel"

"Ana, no you can't do that, they're your parents?"

"I know that Christian, but you're my husband and the father of my children and our children come first" I kiss him on the lips and kiss Ted's hair before going back downstairs to face the music. Gail is sitting with Olivia and Gracie in the living room and my mother and father are still sitting at the kitchen table

"I hope you're happy with yourself dad, Teddy is upstairs hysterically crying because he thinks that his daddy is getting sent away again. Are you going to at least be civil during your stay?" I ask, with my arms folded across my chest and a raised brow

"Fine, I'll be civil. I'm sorry for upsetting Teddy. It's just that we had to watch you Annie, you were completely broken hearted and seeing you like that hurt us"

"I get it dad, I really do but this is what's best for me and our family. I want to make this work with Christian"

"Okay, I understand – I'm sorry for freaking out at Christian, you'll understand when Gracie and Olivia get their hearts broken, and you'll do anything to make sure it never happens again" My dad places his hand over mines and gives me a gentle squeeze.

"You're right Ana, we were too scared to fight for each other, to fight for our marriage" I stare at my mother in shock, well this visit has sure started with a bang, here's hoping that this will be a pleasant experience from here on out.

_At least you're optimistic, that's one thing! _Oh boy, this is going to be one long visit.

* * *

**Come on, how many of you want Allyson to show up whilst Ray & Carla are visiting? I hope this satisfies your craving for more C&A Susie style!**

**What kind of drama would you like Allyson to cause whilst they're visiting?**

*Insert evil laugh here*

**With Love…  
-Susie. xoxo**


	53. Chapter 53: Embarrassing encounter

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

My mom baths both of our girls and tucks them into bed with my help. Olivia is a little hesitant to go to her Grandma if I'm not in the room, it'll just take time for her to adjust to the new faces running around my house. Gracie however, can't get enough of her. I finish tucking Olivia into her crib whilst my mom reads 'Guess how much I love you' softly from the overstuffed chair in the corner of the nursery. I gently lay a kiss on Olivia's forehead as does my mother and turn on her light that casts shapes and colors across her walls and ceiling. I also make sure the monitor is switched on and we both creep out of the room, shutting the door.

Before I enter the bedroom that my mom is sleeping in, I look over at Christian's study; he's been in there since he followed me upstairs after the argument with my father. I know he's upset but I don't know what to do to make it better?

"What's up baby? You look so sad all of a sudden?" She asks whilst tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear

"I'm just worried about Christian, I mean he's trying so hard mom. He's taking a more active role in the kid's daily lives, he plays with them, he loves them and he loves me. I know this is hard for you guys to accept but he is it for me" I plop myself onto the bed beside my mom and lean my head on her shoulder

"All I want is for you to be happy sweetie, but how would you feel if Gracie or Olivia were pregnant and walked in on their husband having sex with some trollop? How would you react?" I twist my fingers in my lap because I don't want to answer that question, but I also know that my mom won't let me off that easy.

"I'd be livid, but if he was her everything, if he'd really changed and they truly loved each other then I'd get over it; because all I want is for them to be happy" I say, trying to get my point across.

"We're trying sweetie, I know you've forgiven him but it's going to take time for Christian to prove himself to us again, especially your father. He trusted Christian with the most precious gift he's ever been given, and that's you" I feel myself getting a little teary.

"Is dad with Teddy?" I ask, I still can't get the image of him sobbing thinking that his dad was getting taken away from him again.

"Yes, he's trying to make Ted feel a little better because of what happened earlier, he is sorry Ana, he just lost his temper because he's trying to protect you and your heart" She says apologetically.

"I know, I get it mom – but I don't need protection, I'm almost thirty you know, I'm married with three children, and I'm happy. Isn't that enough?"

"Of course it is sweetie" She pauses to yawn and I can't help joining in, I wonder why that happens?

"You're tired mom, you've had a long day of traveling, is your room alright, do you have everything you need?" She waves me off with a flick of her hand and I smile lovingly at her.

"Goodnight baby girl, I love you so much" She wraps me in her arms and kisses my forehead.

"Goodnight mom, I love you too" I softly close her bedroom door and make my way to my own room. I pause at Christian's study again and I decide that urgent action is needed. I need to make him understand that we're okay, that I still want him in my life as my husband. I quickly strip and roll on a pair of lacy top black stockings, a lace garter belt, and four inch heels. I complete the look with my black silk robe. I pop my head out of my bedroom door and make sure the coast is clear; all I need is my father to see me like this, talk about awkward.

* * *

I don't know how long I've been sitting here doing nothing, just staring at a picture of Ana, Gracie and Teddy who is holding new born Olivia. I can't help but think that Ray is right; I don't deserve to be here at home with my family, especially with Olivia. To think what could have happened to Olivia sickens me, I almost lost my daughter because I couldn't keep my dick in my pants. I roughly wipe my eyes and try to at least get some work done but it's no use. I have zero concentration but there's no way that I can go out there and face Ana, she's probably sitting thinking that her dad is right, and I'm scared that when I do go out there and face her, she's going to ask me to leave.

I've been sitting with a glass of scotch in my hand and the ice melted long ago, I haven't even had a sip. I'm just swirling it around in the glass. I hear a little knock on my door and then it opens, I automatically assume that Ray has decided to have it out with me and I'm totally shocked when I see Ana walk in and softly close the door. She is absolutely gorgeous as always. Her hair is all big soft waves, no make-up just my pure Ana, in all her natural radiance.

"Like what you see Mr Grey?" She asks as she runs her forefinger along the edge of my desk, slowly walking around to my side.

"Definitely baby! You look so sexy. You should always wrap that delectable body in satin or silk. She giggles as she reaches my chair and places her hands on either side of the arm rests, leaning down so that I can see her cleavage through her robe.

"Pull Christian" She peeks at me through her lashes in a seductive manner. I raise my hand and pull on the sash of her robe so that it tantalisingly falls open giving me a preview of what's underneath. I go rock hard when I see that all she has on underneath is the stockings, garters and heels; I need her so much right now, especially after the argument with her parents.

"Why don't you take a seat baby?" I say salaciously, I need to feel her, the comfort that being inside her brings me. She's my solace, she's everything… my light in the darkness.

"Oh no, Mr Grey. I just thought I should give you a preview of what's waiting on you in our bedroom. You can't hide in here forever. This is our home, and you have every right to strut around this house like you own it; because you do!" She giggles at me and places a chaste kiss on my lips then ties her robe and sashays out of my office, pausing at the door; she looks over her shoulder at me and gives me an exaggerated wink.

"Don't keep me waiting too long Mr Grey" Then leaves my office… wow, I've created a monster. I down my drink a few moments later and relish the burn that's traveling down my throat. I leave the glass on my desk and exit my office, heading straight for Ana.

* * *

I am sitting up against the headboard at my side of the bed waiting on Christian. It's only been around five minutes since I left his office; hopefully I've given him enough incentive to come out of there now. A few moments later by hotter than hell husband comes walking into our bedroom and my heart begins to race.

"I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long Mrs Grey, stand up please." He says in a soft and seductive voice and I instantly know that this is him taking control. Although I like taking charge of our sexual exploits nothing turns me on more than him in complete control of my body and pleasure. I stand up slowly, trying to be graceful.

"Not long at all… sir" I say whilst batting my eyelashes at him innocently. He smirks at me and stalks towards me in a sure, confident but agonizingly slow pace. He stands behind me and slowly caresses my behind on top of my robe then slips his hand underneath and inserts his forefinger inside me, moving around in a slow circle, stretching me, making me so wet, so quickly.

"You know Mrs Grey, the children are in bed but your parents are very much awake and you aren't known for being quiet when your attention is otherwise… engaged." He removes his finger and places it in his mouth, sucking off my arousal. He moves my hair to one side and starts to kiss along my neck and shoulder "So, do you think you can keep quiet baby?" He asks as he snakes his arms around my waist from behind and tugs the sash to allow my robe to fall open.

"I will try my best sir, you're rather skilled in inducing debilitating pleasure and keeping quiet just isn't possible sometimes. But for you Mr Grey, I will try" He nips at my ear and neck as he slips his hands inside my hanging open robe to fondle my breasts, pulling and elongating my nipples. I lean my head back against his shoulder and try to absorb the pleasure that is spiking hot and hard in my groin; I'm pulsing with need already. Shit, being quiet is going to be very difficult. He spins me around so that I am facing him and pushes my robe over my shoulders, allowing it to pool at my feet. His eyes darken with desire, as he hungrily devours my body with his eyes. I keep my eyes downcast, knowing how much that behaviour turns him on. He places his fore and middle fingers under my chin and tilts my head upwards, forcing me to look him in the eye.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are Mrs Grey?" I shake my head and purposely bite my lower lip earning me a low growl, from deep within his chest before his tongue is thrust into my mouth, I have to grasp his biceps to remain upright from the suddenness of his amorous assault; which is delicious.

"Your lip biting gets me every fucking time" He growls in between kisses. He scoops me into his arms and pulls back the duvet before placing me on the bed then crawls on top of me.

"These" He picks up my feet, still wearing my heels "Are so sexy, and I'm going to have them around my neck whilst I fuck you, but first" He flips us around so that he is lying on the bed and I am lying on top of him, he parts his legs further and caresses my face.

"Take off those wonderful shoes baby, you can put them back on before I fuck you – I want you to be comfortable, so take off those sexy shoes then get on your knees and sit back on your heels" I immediately do as he asks and he places one of his arms behind his head, getting comfortable. My lips part to accommodate my heavy breathing when he takes his erection in hand and slowly starts pumping up and down his length.

_Oh my!_ Why is the sight of my husband touching himself such a turn on?

He smirks at me when I return my gaze to his gorgeous grey eyes.

"Like what you see Mrs Grey?" He asks as he leers at me, continuing to touch himself intimately. I take a deep breath and slowly nod my agreement.

"Are you hungry Mrs Grey, answer me?"

"Yes, I'm… famished sir" I reply sweetly, flirtatiously fluttering my lashes at him.

"Well baby, you should have something to eat… maybe I can help?" He runs the tip of his tongue along his top teeth and looks down at his fully erect length then back up to my eyes.

"Go ahead baby; I want that fuckable mouth around me now!" I lean my head down and purse my lips to kiss the tip and he holds my hair back from my face. I use the tip of my tongue to lick around the head of his erection before placing just the tip completely in my mouth and give a light suck to tease and tantalize him; I smirk against him when he sucks a sharp breath through his clenched teeth, allowing my ears to consume the satisfying hissing sound he just made.

"Fuck, baby. Take me, all of me!" I peek up at him innocently batting my eyelashes as I envelope each and every inch of him deeply in my mouth and sheath my teeth as I pull back up with strong suction.

"Jesus Ana" He groans, breathing hard and bucking his hips back up to meet me. I continue to lick, nip and suck every inch of him.

"Enough, I don't want to come in your mouth" He says breathless before I have had my fill so I double my efforts using my hand to squeeze and pump the base of his member whilst I suck on the tip.

"Shit, Ana… enough!" He groans. I know that he's going to force me to stop any second so I have to pull my ace in the hold. As I take my last pull upwards, when I reach the head I bite hard and he explodes loudly in my mouth, his come oozing back my throat as I continue to fist the base and suckle the tip, milking him, taking all he gives as he shudders and shakes below me. I lick him clean and wipe the corners of my mouth with my middle fingers and bat my lashes.

"Sir, please forgive me? I was just so, so… hungry" I say with an exaggerated pout.

"Mrs Grey, what am I going to do with you?" He pants, a trace of a smirk dancing on the corners of his perfectly sculpted mouth.

"I can think of a few things Mr Grey" I say coyly.

"And what might those be?" I crawl up to him and lay on his lap. I peek over my shoulder at him and whisper

"Spank me?" He groans loudly and I bite my lip as I continue to look back at him over my shoulder. He softly caresses my behind, kneading and massaging the flesh, I get lost in the wonderful sensations he is giving me and I yelp when he lands the first blow to my ass

"Quiet, you disobeyed me and you must be punished Mrs Grey" I hear, rather than see his smile as he rains another three blows in rapid succession.

"Yes sir"

"Why am I punishing you baby?" He asks softly as he rubs the sore spot.

"Because I gave you an amazing blowjob…sir?"

"Smart mouths won't be tolerated in here Mrs Grey, girls with smart mouths don't deserve to come" He states and continues to spank me, each blow taking me closer to an explosive orgasm

"But, you love me" I pout over my shoulder.

"That I do baby, that I do!" He suddenly swats me at the conjunction between my behind and my thighs. It takes all my the control he taught me not to fall into a powerful orgasm. He spins me flips us so that I am back laying on the bed and he is on top of me. He leans down and grabs my heels and places them on my feet. He lifts both of my legs under my knees and puts them over his shoulders and takes me by surprize by swiftly thrusting into me deeply.

"Ahhhhh" I groan at the overwhelming fullness. He pulls back and slowly and gently thrusts back in. He tortures me to the brink of orgasm numerous times and I want to scream in frustration and pure pleasure.

"Shit. I… need you Christian, please" I pant, fuelled by my intense desire for him. He cups my face in his hands and kisses me, sucking and biting my bottom lip.

"I love you Ana, I love you so much"

"I love you too, and If you love me so much, for god sake let me come!" I groan. He smirks down at me and lovingly kisses the frown between my brows.

"Your wish is my command baby" He grasps my hips and I cross my ankles behind his neck in preparation of the swift and harsh thrusts I'm about to get. He slams into me over and over again and I feel the deep pulling start low in my belly and I quiver in delight as the first wave breaks over my body and I arch my back, this is by far the most powerful climax I have ever had and I can't help the loud screams that escape my throat.

"FUCK!" I groan, Christian keeps thrusting into me, making this orgasm go on and on. He places his mouth over mine and tries to absorb my cries of pleasure as he pours himself into me. I am barely returning back to earth when I hear my bedroom door open and the voice of my mother

"Ana, did you have a bad dre- OH MY GOD!" I just catch sight of her face, her eyes wide with panic before she covers them with her hand and quickly closes my door.

"Get off me. Oh my god. My mother just walked in on us having sex! Christian, move!" I attempt to squirm my way from underneath him but he buries his head in my neck, kissing and laughing hysterically. He pulls back and meets my wide, embarrassed eyes with his own.

"Ana, relax we're married. We have three children so your mother knows we have sex baby, and I'm pretty sure you weren't an immaculate conception Ana" He states quietly, running his hands up and down my arms. "If you managed to keep quiet it wouldn't have happened!"

"If you had let me come the first time I wouldn't have screamed!" I retort.

"If you hadn't kept fucking me with your mouth, I wouldn't have denied your orgasm, in turn making you scream!" He states confidently as he rolls off me, lying on his side, his head resting on his palm looking totally pleased with himself.

"Okay, can we agree that we were both at fault" He pretends to contemplate it for a moment then nods solemnly. I sit up and remove the stockings and garter belt and grab a pair of sweat pants and one of Christian's t-shirts.

"Baby, why are you wearing those to bed? I like it when you sleep naked" He pouts and I shake my head at him.

"Christian, I have to go talk to her; I need to make sure I haven't given her any lasting psychological damage" He laughs at me, shaking his head. I groan. I've just successfully made the most awkward visit my parents have ever made, even more awkward.

"Good luck baby, I'll be waiting on your for round two"

"Hah, nice try Grey, but we aren't having sex again until they leave" I walk out of the bedroom, smirking at my pouting husband. Before facing my mother, I cross myself and pray to god she can see the funny side of this situation.

_Just so you know… that's never going to happen!_

* * *

_I decided to just grace you with another filler chapter – thankfully I have never experienced someone walking in on me, oh lord that would be mortifying! Poor Ana, how do you think Carla will react? I plan on getting back to the main story line next chapter. A lot of you have expressed desire for Allyson drama whilst her parents are visiting but a lot of you don't want that to happen and I can't please everyone so you're going to have to forgive me if things don't go the way you'd hoped!_

_Love  
Susie. xoxo_


	54. Chapter 54: Difficult conversation

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I'm lying in the most comfortable mattress. I feel like I'm lying on a beautifully fluffy cloud, it's just pure bliss. I turn onto my side and snuggle under the duvet. I'm hovering on the edge of sleep when I hear Ana's strangled scream. My motherly instincts kick in and I quickly jump out of bed. As I make my way to Ana and Christian's bedroom I notice that his study door is still closed and I can see light coming from within the room, so she must be in bed alone and having a nightmare. I turn around and briefly consider knocking but immediately dismiss the idea as Christian is clearly still sulking in his study. What did he expect; we had to watch our daughter slip away from us a little bit more with every passing minute of the day, but with the help of Kate, Grace and I slowly put her heart back together after Christian callously shattered it.

I reach her bedroom door and I still hear her whimpering and moaning. Poor thing doesn't know if she's coming or going because this man is just screwing with her mind. I open the door and walk in, intent on waking her up and comforting her in the way only a mother can.

"Ana, did you have a bad dre- OH MY GOD!" I start to ask her about her dream but halt when I see a very naked Christian moving onto of her. I stand for a few seconds as my brain tries to locate the proper response – eventually succeeding and I turn around and walk back out the door with my hand clamped over my mouth. That is a sight no mother should have to witness. I know that it is definitely inappropriate to find your son-in-law's body; especially his firm ass is very attractive.

_That's your daughter's husband you complete freak! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?_

I head straight to the kitchen and pull the expensive bottle of wine that Ana opened at dinner and pour myself a large glass and chug it down in one. I would have preferred something a little stiffer but I suppose I don't have much choice.

_Yeah, you're talking about the wine. I know what you really want to be 'stiffer' _my subconscious snickers and if it was possible I'd drop-kick her into the seventh circle of hades. It'll be a miracle if I am ever able to look Christian in the eye ever again. I take the bottle of wine, plus the glass and sit at the kitchen table trying to burn those images from my memory with the aid of alcohol. Why the fuck didn't I knock?!

_You didn't knock because you are completely and utterly stupid. You do realise that Anastasia has three children and she's married to someone who should be a GQ model, it's pretty obvious that they'd have sex a lot yet you just walk in? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! _

I am just finishing the remnants of my second glass when Ana sits down opposite me at the table, her cheeks flushed '_probably from all the sexing' _with a grave expression and holding an empty wine glass in her hand. I pick up the bottle and pour some into her glass and she closes her eyes as she takes a small sip. I just saw my baby girl having sex, fuck sipping the god damn wine I need to gulp it.

* * *

I take a deep, calming breath and take a slow sip of my wine. My mom's eyes are still wide with shock, I mean… Christian is right, I have three children, what did she expect, that they were immaculately conceived? I want to get this over with. I honestly don't care how frustrated Christian will be at the end of my parents visit, because we aren't having sex until they have left. I shudder to think that it could have easily been my dad. I take another sip of wine and put it on the table. I take a deep breath, and prepare myself for the most difficult conversation I have ever had to endure.

"So, do you want to talk about it mom? Listen, I'm not going to apologize for having sex in my own bedroom, with my husband and father of my spawn. I know you think baldy of him after what has happened but he is really trying to be a better husband and a better father"

"Ana, I only have one thing to say about… what happened tonight…"

"What?" Her face looks mad, and a little disgusted.

"Your husband has one fine looking ass!"

"MOM, I can't believe you just said that? I can't believe you actually LOOKED" My voice rises with indignation and I cover my blazing face with my hands as I slip further into the chair.

"Ana, how could I not look?" She gives me an are-you-stupid look then continues on "I didn't expect him to be… so, Ugghh! Baby girl, I can't blame you for taking him back that is all I'm saying" she states with awe and dare I say disbelief, into her wine glass

"Okay, this is a conversation I never thought I'd have" I state with a frown

"Just be thankful that it wasn't your father" My eyes widen reflexively and I nod my head in agreement.

"What did Christian say?" She giggles into her glass; I think my mother is a little tipsy.

"He buried his face in my neck and giggled like a school boy that had just been caught doing something naughty" I see the smirk tug at her mouth but before I could get my hands to my ears she'd already spoken

"Oh he was sure _doing _something –or someone– and it certainly looked _naughty_" She chuckles at my expression which is equally distributed between shock, shame and disgust.

"MOTHER, please stop. I am begging you as your daughter, as your only child to please stop!" I whine but I know that my struggle is futile. Her expression suddenly turns pensive and pained.

"Mom? What is it?" She looks up at me with tearful eyes and smiles.

"I'm just proud of you for fighting, for having the courage to do what I couldn't. Not that your father cheated on me but I walked away because it was easier, and if I could go back, I would. If you love Christian as much as you say you do, then never let him go. You don't want to wake up one day, in your fourth marriage and have a skyscraper worth of regrets" I place my hand over hers and give it a gentle squeeze. I'm concerned for her right now, I have never heard her talk like this and quite frankly I'm shocked to the core.

"Are things alright with Bob?" She bites her lip and shakes her head sadly, a few tears slipping from her eyes – at least I know that lip biting runs in the family.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, worried for her. I've never seen her like this, ever.

"Oh Ana, I just. You know me, I fall in love so completely that everything is burning bright with passion and lust then it all fizzles away and I'm left trying to figure out where everything went wrong. Bob's just never there, he is either working or playing golf. We barely see each other, we've just drifted apart" I want to know the answer, but I don't want to push her – I need to know.

"You know, ever since you divorced dad he's never really met anyone. Sure he's been on dates and stuff but he's never truly had a relationship since you mom. I guess what I am trying to ask is, if you could go back, if you could have another shot with Ray… would you? Have you ever considered trying again with him?" She chews on her lip for a good five minutes before meeting my eyes; she has tears running in rivets down her face and shakily takes a deep breath.

"I've done nothing but think of him since the day I left. Then I met husband number three…" I see her tense up at the mere mention of husband number three "After that Ana, I just wanted to forget everything. I was stupid to walk away from such a wonderful man. I should have stayed and worked out our differences"

"I wish you stayed too Carla" I turn my head in shock at the unseen voice and see my dad standing with such a pained expression. He walks around and sits on the chair beside my mother; whose eyes are wide and watering profusely. He lays his hand over hers on the table and looks into her eyes as he speaks.

"I wish I had the courage to fight for you. I figured that letting you go was the best option, I didn't want you to be unhappy so I let you go and it's my biggest regret in life" I suddenly feel like I shouldn't be here, I push my chair back and stand up. I lay a kiss on my dad's cheek and give my mother a reassuring squeeze. I lean down and whisper in her ear so that only she can hear it.

"Talk mom, maybe you'll find a way back to each other" I put my glass in the sink and take another bottle of wine out of the cooler and leave it on the table beside them. I leave the kitchen with the biggest smile on my face as I head upstairs. Maybe they can find their way back to each other, after nearly fifteen years apart, the conversation I just heard proved one thing. Although they were apart, their love never faded; it was just harder to see for a while.

* * *

_Say it with me… 'Awww' Carla and Ray still love each other. Who would like to see them rekindle their hidden love for one and other? I figured I'd shake it up and add Carla's POV, did you like it lol?_

_I wanted to address the guest who said that my story is unrealistic because Christian wouldn't cheat… after 53 chapters honey, if my story is so unrealistic then stop bloody reading it. Am I holding a gun to your temple and forcing you to read…? NO! So do me a massive favor pull your bottom lip over your head and SWALLOW! _

_Thanks for all the kind reviews and Pm's that I receive. I wish I had time to reply to each and every one of you but I just can't so this is the next best thing lol! I am planning on having a special two part chapter extravaganza for Christmas eve & Christmas day with the Grey's at Bellevue; would you be interested in that my lovely readers?_

_With Lots of love and Christmas cheer  
– Susie, xoxo _


	55. Chapter 55: Parental conversations

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**__

I apologize for any mistakes/errors. I am going to spend the night at my mothers and I wanted to post this before I leave lol. So forgive me, and I'll fix it tomorrow! :D

* * *

I head back upstairs with a massive smile on my face, if I am correct – I'd say that my parents will be sharing a room tonight; though I don't, I can't think about why or what they'll be doing. I open the bedroom door and Christian is laying on the bed waiting for me with a big smirk on his face.

"What are you looking so damn happy for?" I ask, trying to hide my smile.

"Round two baby" He gives me his million dollar panty dropping smile and I can't help but smile back.

"You know… I just had to take part in the worst conversation ever!" He chuckles again and I throw one of Gracie's stuffed animals at him.

"It's not funny, I just… my mother just… she said you have a nice ass by the way, oh and she said that she doesn't blame me for taking you back!" I cock my brow to await his reaction and his mouth is agape.

"Not so funny anymore huh?"

"She checked me out?" I nod along smiling at his horrified expression.

"Yup" I pop the 'p' and take a seat beside him on the bed

"I do have something else to tell you, don't worry it's nothing about you or us. After my mortification was over, my mom had such a sad expression on her face and I couldn't understand why… she ended up telling me that she was proud of me because I had the courage to do what she couldn't, and that if I love you as much as I say I do, to never let you go. She said 'you don't want to wake up one day in your fourth marriage with a skyscraper worth of regrets'. I asked her how things were with Bob, and put it this way, I think she'll be divorcing him soon. She said that she falls in love too easily and it burns bright for a while then just fizzles away and that they hardly see each other because he's either working or playing golf." I sigh and Christian holds me tighter to his chest, thrumming his fingers along my thigh, in a comforting manner that isn't at all sexual.

"I mean, Ray hasn't ever gotten over my mom. Sure he's gone on the occasional date but he's never been in another 'relationship' with another woman, I used to think that was because of me, since I wasn't really his daughter he may have felt uncomfortable bringing another woman into our home. So I asked her if she could go back, if she could have another shot with Ray, would she? Would she consider 'trying again' with him? And she said that she's done nothing but think about him since the day she left him, then she met husband number three – when she mentioned him she went all tense like she always does, we've never really discussed him, it's just too painful for us to remember" I feel Christian hold onto me just that much tighter, I've never talked about what happened with Steve, aka husband number three and I don't want too, it hurts to remember what he did to us

"So she sat and thought about my question regarding Ray for a while, I also know that I inherited my lip biting from her! And you know what she said… that after Steve, she just wanted to forget, that she wished she hadn't walked away from a 'wonderful man' that she should have stayed and worked on their differences. I just squeezed her hand because we were both teary eyed. Then out of nowhere Ray says that he wished that she'd stayed too, that he wished that he'd had the courage to go after her, but he wanted her to be happy so he let her be. I held onto her hand and I chose that moment to take my leave. I left them another bottle of wine and came up here"

"Wow… that's a good thing though baby, right? If Carla is unhappy with Bob, and they clearly still have feelings for each other then maybe they can work things out?"

"Yeah, I guess so. If they do end up working things out it'll be strange for me, I mean I'm so used to them being apart"

"Baby, if things do work out, you'll be happy… by the sounds of their conversation, just don't be surprized if they end up sharing a room tonight" He leans down and kisses my nose and I try to rid myself of the sickening images he just implanted in my brain"

"Now, think about it Ana – if you're mom and dad end up hooking up under our roof… I think it's only fair, as the man of this house – that I should get round two, three and four. The only reason your mom walked in on us was because you came into my office and flashed me, which made me so distracted and horny that I forgot to lock the door. I'll go lock the door right now, and then you can have some fun with your sexy assed husband" He smirks at me as he drops his boxer briefs and lets me appreciate his sexy bare ass as he goes and locks our door.

"So Mrs Grey, let me ask you this… are you ready for me?" My mouth suddenly goes dry and I nod slowly, my eyes feel glazed with desire as he strides over to me. He climbs on the bed and positions himself over the top of me, and holds his weight on his forearms at either side of my head. I can feel him thick and hard against my belly as he dips down and kisses me just below my ear, his breath hot and wet against my skin.

"Good, because I'm going to make you come like a train" He smirks at me, and touches his lips to my neck and then we consume each other with so much passion and heat that we could set the room on fire and neither of us would notice.

* * *

My stomach is churning in knots as Ana places an unopened bottle of wine on the table. I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest at any given moment. Ana gives me a reassuring smile and takes her leave. I can say with absolute certainty that I have never loved anyone so completely, after I left Ray. He squeezes the hand he's still holding, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Where did it all go wrong Carla? You know me, I'm not one for talking about my feelings, but I need to share this with you. It felt like one minute I had it all, everything I'd ever wanted and the next you'd taken off with Annie and I had nothing left. You need to know that I never stopped loving you, not for one moment Carla; I just figured that you wouldn't have left if you were happy with me, so I let you go and I've regretted that decision every god damn day since" I feel tears slipping from my eyes and Ray reaches up and wipes them away, his eyes shining with a spark of hope that has been lost in him for all these years, which I know my absence in his life caused. I smile sadly thinking over all of the good times we shared.

"Remember when we met, we couldn't get enough of each other. We'd go out and spend time together as a family. We'd call a sitter for Ana and you'd take me away for the night. Slowly Ray, life just got in the way of that, we stopped showing each other that we were still in love and I guess after three years of just 'living' in the same house caught up with me and I wanted more, I wanted that passion back but I didn't know how or what to do to make it better. I thought we just fell out of love, and once that happens there's nothing to do to get it back so I did the only thing I thought I could do… and I left. I just want you to know that I never stopped loving you either"

"Why didn't you come back home then? Why has it taken fifteen years for us to have this conversation?" He whispers, his voice hoarse and pained. I take a couple of deep breaths and I feel my anxiety levels rise before I've even uttered a single word.

"I feel like I should explain to you, why I felt I couldn't come home, when that was all I wanted to do, I've never spoken about this to anyone, even Ana and I haven't discussed what happened during that time, so this may take a while to get through okay?" My voice is strained with emotion as I speak, my heart is thrumming violently in my chest.

"Just take your time Carla, I think I know what you're about to share with me, just remember that he can't hurt you or Annie ever again, okay?" He squeezes my hand and I wipe my tears whilst I nod my agreement.

"A few months after I left you, I was out with Shirley, a friend from work. We were sitting enjoying our drinks when this tall, handsome man came up to us and asked if he and his friend could join us – of course Shirley was single and she wasn't nursing a broken heart, the man introduced himself to us as Steve, then introduced his friend, I'm sure his name was Max or something. You know, over years I often think that he must have sensed that I was broken, that out of everyone in that bar, I would be the easiest to control and manipulate" I pause when Ray hands me a box of tissues to wipe my eyes.

"We started dating and even though I was still deeply hurting over you, I figured that entering into a relationship with Steve would be the best way to move forward, to stop living in the past. In the beginning, everything was wonderful; he was sweet, attentive and kind. He never gave me any cause for concern. Ana however, didn't like him from day one. She said that she just got a bad vibe from him; I should have just listened to her. She was only a kid and she knew – she could see right through him and he knew it, so there was always this tension between them. I thought she was just being a normal teenager who didn't want her mom to move on from her father, so I ignored her intuition. Hindsight's a wonderful thing right?" I scoff at myself and take another gulp of my wine.

"Our relationship was great and when he proposed I was over the moon, I thought I could finally be happy and move forward. A couple of weeks later we went down to the courthouse and asked a couple who just happened to be standing outside if they would be our witnesses and we got married. When Ana came home from school, she was so mad – she couldn't understand why I wouldn't listen to her about him. It was maybe two weeks later that the name calling started, he'd fly off the handle for the slightest thing. I remember the first time he lifted his hand – I was so shocked, I was just stunned" I feel Ray tense up beside me but I have to keep going, I need to finally talk about what that monster put me through. "Of course, he broke down crying straight after, begging me to forgive him because he was sorry; that he loved me and it would never happen again. I was so naïve to believe him. Ana had gone to spend the weekend with a friend, and I was excited because we could be alone but within half an hour I was sporting a nice black eye, and a burst lip for not vacuuming to his specifications – he mumbled an apology and left. He came back home around an hour or so later with a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers and another pleading apology. I kept thinking, if I could just do everything right, if I stopped messing up he'd have no reason to get so mad at me all the time" I keep having to stop because I can't speak without a torrent of tears falling from my eyes, and Ray has yet to say a word, which I'm thankful for because I don't think I could continue if he said anything right now.

"When Ana came home on the Sunday morning she saw the state of my face and she knew, I tried to deny it, I told her that I'd tripped and bumped my head and she asked me if I'd kept tripping, because I'd had to trip at least three times to get that messed up. She marched down the stairs and I tried to stop her but I couldn't grab her in time. She went right up to Steve and told him that she wasn't scared of him, and told him to leave – that she wasn't going to allow him to keep hurting me like that. I grabbed her arm and tried to pull her away but she shook me off. I could see him getting angrier and angrier as she told him what she thought of him then the next moment he grabbed her hair and said to me 'Are you going to teach your little brat some manners or shall I?' in a chilling, detached voice and I did the only thing I could in that situation. I told Ana to call you and ask if she could come back home. I'd gotten us into that situation and I needed to make sure my daughter was safe and I knew she'd be safe with you. When he let go her hair he shoved her and she fell back, I took her upstairs and started to pack some stuff for her. She kept pleading with me that she wasn't leaving unless I came too. I convinced her that I had to bide my time and leave as soon as I could, but that didn't mean she had to suffer with me – the second he laid a finger on my baby I knew I had to get her out of there, but I had to make him think that I'd chosen him, it was the only way. So I told her that I was going to say some horrible things to her and that I didn't mean any of it, that I loved her so much and I had to keep her safe. She sobbed and sobbed when I started shouting and it broke my heart to even say that she ruined my life, and that I didn't want her anymore. You came and collected her a few hours later. He was so happy that she was gone and I was too but for very different reasons. In the months that followed I'd been squirreling money and clothes with Shirley and as soon as I had enough money, I told him that I was going for groceries and I never looked back. I went to the police, got him charged with assault and battery, I got a restraining order and then filed for divorce" I look up and Ray wipes his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me anything, why didn't Ana. If either one of you told me what was going on… I would have gotten you out of there Carla, he wouldn't have laid a finger anyone ever again once I was through with him" He speaks with such emotion that each word lacerates my already strained and damaged heart.

"He sent me a letter once he'd gotten out of prison saying that I'd pay for what I'd done to him. That for the rest of my life I'd have to look over my shoulder and wonder 'is today going to be the day he catches up with me?' So I couldn't come home, I couldn't put you and Ana at risk. I'm so sorry Ray, for everything – but I couldn't tell you, I didn't want you to know how badly I'd fucked everything up… I didn't deserve your help. I'd gotten myself into that situation and I had to get myself out and I did. I laid low for a long time, and there was so many times that I wanted to call you, that I wanted to tell you everything and beg for your forgiveness but I just couldn't. I'd failed at being Ana's mother, my only job was to protect her and I didn't, I wasn't safe to be around. I failed at being your wife, I hurt you so badly and I'm so, so sorry. " He pulls me into his arms and I sob into his chest. For the first time in fifteen years I feel safe.

"Shh, it's alright Carla, it's alright. I promise you, I'll never let you go again. I love you so much and he'll never hurt you ever. I'll kill him myself"

"I love you Raymond Steele and I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to find my way back to you"

"It doesn't matter, nothing matters anymore. I'm just glad that we've spoken. You look a little tired, do you want to go up to bed?"

"I do... but not to sleep. I didn't want to tell Ana before, with everything that she's had to deal with lately but Bob and I have been living apart for the last four months. We've spoken and we're filing for divorce when I return to Savannah"

"Lets go upstairs then Carla" He tips my chin up and looks into my eyes with so much love and I melt into his arms. A million butterflies flutter in my stomach as he lays his lips to mine, for the first time in years I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

* * *

_This is my take on what is hinted at in the trilogy. I always wanted to know just what happened during her time with 'husband number three' as in the book, Ana says that 'it was a very dark time' for her mother. I also hope that I dealt with this subject appropriately as I have a very close family member who still is in a bad marriage and refuses to leave her husband._

_I don't know if I should maybe continue to explore Ray & Carla's reconciliation in this story, just until the end of their visit or would you guys prefer me to start a new story continuing on from this point – let me know what you want lol!_


	56. Chapter 56: Duties of a father

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

Ana is lying prone on my chest, naked and there is nothing I enjoy more than touching her, and feeling her bare skin touching mine. I thrum my fingertips up and down her back trying to soothe and relax her.

"I love you so much baby. I just want you to know that I will do everything in my power to prove myself to your parents and reassure them that I won't hurt you ever again, I'll gain back their trust baby." She snuggles into my chest as she traces patterns on my chest and stomach.

"You don't have to prove yourself to anyone Christian. I know how hard you are working on yourself for our family, I trust you baby and that's all that matters"

"What did I ever do to deserve someone like you?" I ask in wonder, I don't understand how Ana can still love me, and want me after all that I have done. She turns her head and places a few kisses on my chest, her hand placed over my heart.

"Stop with those thoughts. The past doesn't matter; we need to just keep moving forward. I love you more than anything and I don't just want you, I need you just as much as you need me." I shift onto my side and Ana lies on her front with her arms under her pillow.

"I always will need you, just like I need air to breathe. Without you and our children, I have nothing." She has her head resting on her pillow and turned towards me, she purses her lips in clear request of a kiss. I lean down and kiss her plump and delicious lips, tracing them with my tongue until she grants me entrance. We kiss hungrily, so fierce that I know her lips will be a little swollen which makes me smile.

"Goodnight sweetheart, I love you more today than yesterday, but less than tomorrow"

"Goodnight baby, I love you so much." She turns onto her side and snuggles back against my chest. I reach around her waist and pull her in, holding her soft and delicate body with mine. I can't help but trail my hand up her stomach and rest it on her wonderful, full breast. I kiss the wing of her shoulder and bury my nose in her hair, inhaling her wonderful scent mixed with the heady fragrance of sweat and sex and drift into a contented sleep.

**~o0o~**

I waken, slightly bewildered as I look at the clock on Ana's bedside table, which reads 4:34am. I hold my breath and wait, wondering what could have woken me up at this hour, after a few moments there isn't any sounds other than Ana's soft breathing and I lay my head back down on the pillow. I'm just hovering on the edge between consciousness and sleep when I hear Olivia's whiney cry. Ana stirs a little, but doesn't wake. I slip out of bed and pull on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before silencing the baby monitor to prevent Ana from being woken up. I tip toe out of our bedroom and pad down the hall, I quietly enter Olivia's nursery and switch the light on via the dimmer that's set to low. I smile at my baby girl who is sitting up in her crib and rubbing her sleepy eyes; the very same as my own.

"What are you doing up at this time sweetie, huh?" I ask as I pick her up. Once she is in my arms she waves her arms about and kicks her legs giving me her adorable baby gurgle.

"Oh no, it's sleep time. Olivia Katherine, daddy is not playing with you at this time of the morning. In fact, it isn't even morning yet" She looks up at me and giggles as if to say 'Yeah right daddy, you're going to play with me or I'll scream and wake up mommy' I narrow my eyes, giving her the expression I give my employee's when they are about to be forced to bend to my will.

"Okay sweetie, I'm going to change your diaper, then you are going back to sleep. Do we have a deal?" She gurgles again, shoving her clenched fist in her mouth.

"I'll take that as a yes" I place her on the changing table and quickly and efficiently change her diaper and refasten her onsie. If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would be able to change a diaper in under a minute with a wriggling infant I would have sent them to Flynn, and paid for their treatment because they were obviously bat-shit crazy. I pick her up and kiss her temple whilst we walk the short distance back to her crib. I turn her so that she is face to face and remind her of our deal.

"Okay Olivia, I just want to remind you of the deal we made a few moments ago, I'll go over the T&C one more time with you okay" Surprisingly she nods her head and for a moment I'm stunned.

"Uh… yes so as I was saying the terms were that I would change your diaper; which wasn't even wet yet, and then you'd go back to sleep. I love you princess so catch some more Z's" I lay her back in her crib and she flips herself onto her tummy and I rub circles on her back for a few seconds, trying to soothe her with my presence. She somehow manages to get up on her butt and hold her arms out to me.

"Oh no you don't, you're a Grey, and Grey's don't renege on their deals. That's the first rule of the business world Olivia, you don't pull out of an already agreed upon contract, although I probably should have told your mother that" I chuckle at myself and lay her back down on her back.

"Have sweet dreams baby girl. We'll have a lot of fun in the morning okay" I turn her night glow light thing on; the one that casts shapes on the walls and tip toe out of the room, softly closing the door behind me. I stand on the other side for a few moments and I don't hear a peep from her, I nod my head and give myself a well-deserved pat on the back.

Dad–1 | Olivia–0

I head back to bed and making sure to turn the baby monitor back on, then pull off my shirt and slide back between the sheets and Ana's warm body. I wrap my arms around her and as always, my hand snakes its way around her breast. I feel my breathing slow and I am once again drifting in a moment of utter peace. I'm just falling asleep when an angry wail of frustration echo's through the room. I bury my face in the pillow and sigh heavily, a part of me did think that Olivia was far too compliant a few minutes ago – she really is her mother's daughter. I get back up and shove on that damn t-shirt that has been off and on more times than a whore's panties and head back to one of my screaming children. I enter the room like a man on a mission.

"Okay, now we had an agreement Olivia. You are supposed to be asleep and so is daddy." I give her my hard stare, the one that makes my employee's quiver in fear but doesn't do shit to my children, why damn it? I decide that the best course of action is to take a seat on the overly stuffed chair and wait until she falls asleep, then I can go back to my wife's warm body wrapped around mine. I rest my head on my palm and close my eyes, a mere three seconds later, full blown cries are echoing round the walls. I get up –again– and make my way over to her crib. She is sitting on her butt, looking up at me sweetly…

"Dadddda" She sings, gurgling and flashing me her one toothed grin. Trying to worm her way through my weakness for her cutesy behaviour – which usually makes me melt into a big puddle of gloop.

"Nope, never going to happen. I. Do. Not. Negotiate. With. Terrorists, and you Ms Grey, are being a little terrorist right now" She claps her pudgy hands and giggles happily.

"Nice try, I commend you for your efforts but it's not going to work" I am not backing down, if she wants to test my resolve she can go right ahead because I, Christian Trevelyan-Grey, will not lose in a battle of wills with an eight month old baby.

**~o0o~**

Ana breezes into the room with a bright smile, I wish I could smile right now, I look to the bundle sitting in my lap, playing happily and I scowl at the back of her curly head.

"Good morning gorgeous husband" Ana leans down and kisses my lips, I probably would have had a wonderful morning quickie if Ms Crabby pants hadn't decided to keep me awake from the early hours of the morning. Olivia claps those pudgy hands, dangling her cute charms at her mother, oh I have you pegged Olivia, I know your game.

"Hello to you my gorgeous girl" I scoff; no she is anything but gorgeous right now. She is a master of destruction.

"She isn't gorgeous Ana, she's a little terrorist. She's a master at the manipulation of her father" I grumble as Ana lifts her off my lap.

"Olivia, did you put daddy in a bad mood?" She asks in her high pitched mommy voice.

"Well, since you're up you can spend the morning with your gorgeous daughter, because this gorgeous husband is going to do some work before you're father comes down and kills me" I smirk at my wife as I walk over and kiss her lips and then plant a kiss on Olivia's forehead as I rub her onsie-clad-back.

"Daughter, I have one thing to say to you… you'll be one hell of a CEO one day! GEH will be safe in your hands" I pick her pudgy hand up in a mock shake and leave the family room with Ana giggling at me, and I smile despite myself.

I've been lost in emails and phone calls for the majority of the morning. Thankfully everything at the office is running smoothly, new deals are being agreed upon for less than I'm willing to pay and all is good until a sharp knock is landed upon my door and I break out in a sweat. I know that knock; it is the knock of my life coming to an unsightly end. I should be able to play this off as cool and steady, my poker face was mastered years ago but when it's your sole reason for living's father coming to rip you a new one, all my 'training' deserts me in my hour of need.

"Come in" I shout, how I am able to use an even voice is beyond me. The door pushes open and Ray comes walking into my office. I stand up and motion to the seat across from me, I always knew that this talk would happen; I just hoped it would be over the phone where he's too far away to do any lasting brain damage.

"Christian" He nods at me and takes a seat. He leans forward with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands.

_Well this isn't the posture of a man on a mission to kill and chop up the pieces, crushing your teeth to evade identifying you and disposing the pieces across various states._

"Is everything alright Ray?"

"No, it's not. Look, I don't like you very much right now but you can hardly blame me for that right? Just think about this if it was Gracie or Olivia who had their heart broken"

"Ray-" He holds up his hand to cut me off.

_Oh fuck, we're cutting to the chase – you have got your running shoes in here… right?_

"This conversation isn't about what you did to my baby and grandbabies. This is about something else entirely!" He says in a grave voice and my anxiety shoots up even more, if Ray is shaken up about this then it must be bad.

"What is it Ray? Can I help in any way?"

"Last night, Carla and I got talking – she revealed some upsetting information about something her and Ana endured whilst they were away from me" I instantly tense, whatever it is, and it can't be good.

"Care to elaborate?" Ray, you are killing me here, my overwhelming urge to jump to conclusions is killing me with all the possibilities that are running through my head.

"You have the resources to find someone right, to locate them?" He asks, and I nod – Ray releases a big breath and rubs his palms over his face.

"What's this about Ray, has something happened? Are they in danger?" I am probably over-reacting, Ana says I do that quite a lot but I can't help it – when it comes to the safety of my family, I'll go to any lengths to protect them.

"Has Ana ever shared any details of her time in Vegas, with Carla's husband Steve?"

"A little, she just said that it was a hard time for them because she didn't get along with Steve but that her mom came to her senses pretty quickly and they've never really discussed it because Ana thinks it was a dark time for Carla"

"Oh you have no fucking idea. I want to kill him Christian; I want to rip him to shreds with my bare hands" I am starting to panic, it must be bad for Ray to come to me for help because right now I am right at the very top of his shit-list.

"Do you want a drink, you look like you need one – am I going to need one too?" He nods solemnly and I pour us both some whiskey, then hand him the glass filled with the fiery amber liquid. I sit back down and he meets me in the eye.

"It's bad Christian – it's really fucking bad"

I want to throw up; I feel my stomach roll as Ray recounts the events that fell upon Ana as a teenage girl. Hell, no wonder she ran from me after what I did to her in my playroom.

"Christian, are you alright?" Ray's voice breaks through my jumbled thoughts and I just feel sickened. How can anyone beat someone like that?

_Ha! Like what you did was any different._ It was different – my subs had safe words. All they had to do was shout 'red' and it would stop, no questions asked.

"He went to prison but when he got out he sent Carla a threating letter, saying that she'd have to live her life wondering when he'd come for them" I shake my head, trying to understand what enjoyment he could possibly get from that?

What that sick fuck done to Ana was evil. What Carla went through was fucking awful but I am glad that she had the sense to get Ana out of that environment, something my birth mother never done for me. I shake that thought.

"I need his full name Ray, I'll give it to my tech guy and he'll locate him then send my team to teach him some manners"

"His name, Stephen Morton. If either of them had just told me I would have stopped it, I would have gotten them out. Carla is the most stubborn woman I have ever met!" I can't help but smirk.

"So that's where Ana got that streak from then, because she's pretty damn stubborn herself"

"Their more alike than they like to admit. Though Ana is a little more sensible and practical than Carla. Fifteen years we spent apart – both miserable" He scoffs and shakes his head.

"I let her go you know, I thought I was doing the right thing. If she was happy with me, she wouldn't have left. Look, Christian – you've made a mistake, but you fought for her and that's all I can ask for as her father, someone who'll fight for her – like I should have done for her mother"

"So, are you and Carla, working it out?" I ask, trying not to pry. Ray nods and tries to stop himself smiling but he can't pull it back and I find myself returning it.

"I'm glad – so is Ana, she was thrilled that you were talking it through last night and don't worry about Morton. He won't threaten my family's safety and get away with it"

"I don't doubt that Christian, I don't doubt it at all"

* * *

_I don't know if I want to explore this Morton story line, possibly in a sequel? Would you be interested in exploring that with me? For right now – I am going to continue with my current plot and not further complicate things with spin offs lol. Also, I tried and couldn't, literally couldn't write smutty lemons about Ray & Carla – it was like trying to write about my mother and father which is just … ew!_

_I just want to thank all of you for taking me to 2000+ reviews, even the ones that were flames because the way I see it… if you take time to write something in a review good or bad, then I am doing my job; evoking emotion. I'm going to try to squeeze out another update tonight; hopefully if I write quick enough, the Grey's and you readers will have a Faby free Christmas XD_

_Love  
– Susie, xoxo _


	57. Chapter 57: Family Dinner & Tease!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I leave my office with one purpose, to wrap Ana in my arms and protect her from all the shitty people in the world. To think that this Morton laid his hands on her makes my blood boil. I pop my head into Olivia's nursery, Ana isn't there but Olivia is, and she's sleeping soundly.

_Well she would be tired, keeping us up all freaking night, it's a good job she's an adorable spawn._

I eventually find Ana curled up on her overly stuffed chair in her office reading. I perch myself on the edge of the chair. I lay a kiss between her brows.

"You know, you still have that 'v' between your brows, and it's still very soft to kiss" I kiss her again just to illustrate my point.

"So, you're still alive… I saw dad going into your office and I've been listening for gunshots ever since" She smirks at me.

"I love you baby, so much. Your dad and I, we straightened everything out"

"That's good sweetheart, see I told you that you didn't have anything to be worried about" I run my fingers through her hair as she looks up into my eyes. She tosses the book she was reading onto the floor with a loud clatter and anchors her arms around my neck.

"Want to fool around?" She asks, kissing and skimming her teeth along my jawline. I love the feel of her lips on my skin, she completes me.

"Yes baby, I was so grumpy this morning because I missed out on my morning quickie with you" I pout, and she giggles at me, throwing her head back against the armrest. I take my opportunity to gain access to her neck.

"I. Need. You. Baby." I state in between kisses. She moans low in her throat and arches her back slightly.

"Lock my door then, but we'll have to be quick" I jump up and lock the door then pick Ana up off the chair, standing her up as I slip my hand into her sweats, and into her panties. I gasp when my fingers find her dripping wet.

"Fuck" I hiss, pulling air through my clenched teeth. "You're always wet and ready for me"

"Yes. Always" I circle her clitoris with the pad of my thumb whilst I pump my fingers in and out of her warm center.

"Christian" I snake my arm around her waist just as her knees give out. I remove my hand from her center and suck my fingers clean before pulling down her sweats.

"You are so sexy" I growl as I grab her breasts roughly, kneading them, I lean in and bite down on her nipple through her shirt and bra.

I unbutton my jeans, and free my cock. I sit down on the chair and Ana kicks off her sweats and panties from her ankles.

"Come here Mrs Grey" I say with hooded eyes, I'm sure that they're almost black with desire. She sits astride me, her knees bent and resting on either sides of my hips. I pull off her t-shirt, leaving her completely naked aside from her bra. My arms automatically wrap around her waist as I lean in and pull her right bra cup down with my teeth to free her breast and repeat on the left, circling her stiff nipple with my nose and she throws her head back as I take it in my mouth, working the other with my fingers.

"Christian, I thought this was going to be quick – I need you" She says as she rocks her hips against my erection that is sitting between her thighs, just at the right angle for Ana to rub up against.

"I was intending to be quick, but the door is locked so why rush when I can savour you" She groans and continues to circle her hips for some much needed friction. I cup both breasts and push them together.

"Ana" I groan, the persistent rubbing against my dick is driving me insane.

"Yeah baby?" She pants, continuing to rock.

"Take me, take control"

"With pleasure" She smirks as she grabs my hair in her hands and pulls my head to the side with force. She kisses me roughly from the corner of my mouth up across my cheek and down my jawline.

"You like it when I tease you like this, when I make you mine?" Shit, fuck. I can't answer her; my teeth are clenched to prevent me shooting my load all over her gorgeous body.

"Answer me Christian" She demands, if I unclench my teeth I'll come like a hormonal teenage boy with no control over his body – so I don't answer her.

She cups my face in her hands, sliding them up into my hair as she sucks and bites my neck. She runs her hand down my side, and lower... until she reaches my rock hard and waiting erection.

"Ready to fuck me Mr Grey?" She takes me in her hand, and slides me along her folds, allowing me to feel just how wet she is.

"Are you ready baby?" She asks as she kisses and licks my lips.

"Yes I'm ready Mrs Grey, I need you. And yes, I love it when you tease me, when you make me yours. I love you, you mean everything to me baby" She positions me at her entrance and slowly pushes herself onto me fractionally then lifts back off, she repeats this process a few times, deliberately goading me.

"Please" I plead with her, I need her so much right at this moment, and I'm done with the teasing – she needs to fuck me now or I'm going to die of frustration.

"We aim to please Mr Grey" Again, she pushes down onto me, just enough so that my tip is encased in her warmth before slamming onto me hard. She winces, as she feels the harsh burn of pain.

"Baby, fuck! Are you alright?" I gasp; feeling her surround me is so reassuring.

"I like it rough, you know that!" She states, resting her forehead against mines and smirks. She slowly lifts back off me, and returns; once she is warmed up she increases the rhythm – clenching her inner walls purposely with each push and pull, and together we climb, higher and faster, building, gaining momentum until we can't hold on any longer and we plummet into a joined orgasm that feels fucking amazing!

"Shit!" I grunt as I bury my face in her breasts, licking and sucking as she continues to grind up and down my length, prolonging the delicious release for both of us. She lifts herself off me then rests her forehead against mine.

"I love you Christian" She whispers against my cheek.

"And I you baby, I love you so much" I take a deep breath and cup her face with my hands, running my thumbs over her cheeks "Ana, you know that you can talk to me about anything right?" She looks down at me, puzzled by my remark so I clarify for her.

"I just want you to know that, if there's ever anything you need to talk about – you have me, no matter what. I just feel like it's important to let you know that I'm here for you, always" Ana sighs, contented, sated and calm. I decide to drop the subject for now, but I really want Ana to confide in me about Morton; I need to tell her that he's getting incentive to stay away from my family but now isn't the time.

"Let's shower baby, I've got you all dirty, and there's nothing sexier than when you're covered in my seed but we're going out for dinner so I have to make you all nice and clean" I smirk at her and she smirks right back. I love her so much that sometimes I get overwhelmed by the enormity of what I feel for her; even after nine years, I still get tingles whenever she touches me.

"Lead the way Mr Grey!"

* * *

Christian informed me prior to our dirty shower that he'd decided that we'd take my parents and the kids out for dinner, since it's the last night of their visit. It's odd seeing them share a secret look or smile but it makes me so happy. My mom eventually come clean about how bad things had gotten with bob and that they've been living separately for over four months and are filing for divorce when she returns to Savannah. Teddy looks so handsome in his suit and tie, he's just as gorgeous as his daddy; I love that my three favourite men are in the same room.

"Baby boy, you're going to break a lot of hearts when you're older"

"I'm not a baby Grandma, I'm almost nine!" He whines because he hates it when we call him baby – he'll always be our baby because he was our first – no matter how old he gets, he'll always be our baby

"Even though it's not my fault that you're so handsome, I'm sorry okay?" My mom held her hands up in defence and Ted nodded in reply. We arrive at the upmarket Maximilien restaurant in Pike Place Market, near the apartment I used to share with Kate, way back when Christian and I were first dating; well, if you could call our contract negotiations 'dating'. Upon entering, we are immediately led to a private dining room. I don't like eating in the main dining room when we have the kids with us; if they make any noise we get a scolding look and shake of the head from the other diners. It's better for us to have our own space so the kids can be what they are, which is kids.

Christian removes one of the chairs and Taylor puts Olivia's highchair in its place – I strap her in and hand her one of her rattle toys to keep her amused and take my seat beside her.

"Momma, me want sit by you" Gracie whines, and I know that she is rather cranky but Christian is adamant that he will not meet her every whim and demand.

"Baby girl, don't you want to sit by poppa Ray and I, we won't be here tomorrow?" My mom asks her sweetly, holding out her arms and I see Gracie's lip jut out and I know she's going to start screaming any moment.

"Phoebe Grace Grey, behave properly" Christian says in a stern voice, which has zero effect on his daughter, I suspect that it will have zero effect on Olivia either.

"NO! Want MOMMA" She stamps her little Ugg clad foot for added effect and screams holy murder.

"Christian just let her sit by me for god sake it'll shut her up" I say exasperated already.

"Anastasia, don't. If we don't nip this behaviour in the bud she's going to be a spoiled brat, and no child of mine will behave like a brat; especially when we're in public" Christian picks her up as she wriggles and struggles against him, then sets her down on her feet and kneels down to her level, looking into her stubborn eyes that mirror his own.

"Listen to me young lady; you know Santa clause is coming soon right?"

"Uh huh but-" Christian cuts her off with just a look.

"Well, you know that behaviour like this will put you on daddy and Santa's naughty list and that means no presents; zero! I am giving you one last chance to sit down and eat dinner like the sweet baby girl I know you are if you don't then you're going home"

"No, I not naughty on naughty list, I good girl! But I. Want. MY MOMMA!" She screams in his face whilst struggling to get to me, this is the furthest she's ever pushed her father, and I am more than willing to let her have her own way just for the sake of a peaceful dinner but before I can say anything, Christian shoots me a warning glare and I know not to interfere.

"Right, you've went too far with this Gracie, you're going home" He states with confidence and Gracie starts to really struggle free from his arms and shocks us all when she draws back her little pudgy hand and slaps her father in the face. All our mouths are hanging agape including Teddy. She's gone way past too far this time and my daughter needs to be taught a lesson. I look over at Christian who is still holding onto her, I think he's in shock.

"Right young lady, how dare you lift your hands and hit your daddy. No stories or cartoons for the rest of the week for you!" I turn to Jason and remove Gracie from Christian's hold and her little bottom lip is pouting and she starts to cry again.

"Jason, can you please take her home. Can you ask Gail to give her something to eat and then bath and bed, no toys in the bath and no bedtime story either because she is being punished"

"Sure thing Ana" Gracie holds onto my neck with iron grip and she starts kicking and screaming!

"I s-sorry daddy, daddy p-peas, no momma I wan daddy. I sorry, I be good, peas momma I be g-good girl n-now"

"Gracie, do you want daddy to spank you? Because if you do not stop this tantrum, that's what you're going to get!" Jason takes her from my arms and she is no longer struggling but has hiccups because of her sobs. Right now I am so conflicted, I want to take her in my arms and coddle and comfort her but I know that she can't get away with this behaviour – she's never been this bad before.

"Grace, when Uncle Jason takes you out of this room – don't embarrass me by screaming or you will get spanked do you understand?"

"Y-yes momma"

"Okay, I love you sweetie, can you tell me why you're being punished?"

"C-coz me h-hit d-daddy, and it's b-bad to do t-that"

"We'll see you in the morning and we love you okay?" She nods and Christian and I take turns in kissing her hair. It's important that our children understand why they're being punished and even though they're being punished we are firm on reminding them that we still love them regardless of their behaviour. Jason leaves the dining room and Christian releases a big breath he didn't know he was holding. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him, tucking my head under his chin.

"You okay sweetheart?" I ask, rubbing my hand up and down his back then I look up at him, placing a soft and PG kiss on his neck, but as always I want more, and if my parents, my son and my eight month old daughter weren't in the room, I'd take him right now!

"I'm fine, I just really hate punishing them – it hurts me more than it hurts them" He sighs, and looks so sad and forlorn all of a sudden.

My dad stands up and comes over to us, and places his hand on Christian's shoulder.

"Christian son, you handled that little madam well. She needs to know where you draw the line; behaviour wise. Just always remember, if you give her a warning of what will happen if she continues, you must always follow through with it. Honestly, she'll be fine in the morning. Trust me! It never did Annie any harm, I only ever had to follow through once and from that moment she knew how far she could push me" My dad smiles lovingly at me and kisses my forehead.

"Thanks Ray, it's just hard to see my little princess sobbing like that" He says with a sad smile.

"Baby, you did really well – you handled that amazingly and you were calm and in control. You didn't lose your temper at all, even when she hit you – which I still can't believe?" I state whilst shaking my head for emphasis.

"Me either, she has you're stubbornness and my temper; it's one lethal fucking cocktail"

"Mind you're language Christian"

"Dollar in the swear jar dad! I'm going to make my first million before the year is out from you swearing alone!" Teddy says as Christian ruffles his hair on the way back to his seat; he whips a dollar out of his wallet and hands it to Ted.

"Pleasure doing business with you father!" I giggle at Ted as I sit down beside Christian just as our entrée is served. As requested they have a plastic bowl of sweet, and normal mashed potatoes, carrots and Gravy for Olivia. As soon as she sees the bowl she smacks her lips and kicks her legs with a massive smile on her face. I look over to Christian who's still frowning, probably going over what happened with his mini-me daughter. I place my hand on his thigh under the table and trail my hand closer to his package and lean into his ear softly biting the lobe.

"Let's enjoy the rest of our evening, shall we?" He resets his face into a smirk as I rub over his growing bulge and for once I am happy about his mercurial personality. I trail my hand up and down his thigh and squeeze his knee before removing my hand. I pick up Olivia's food and alternate on feeding her and myself our food. She's a wonderful eater; she'll probably finish her bowl of solid food and want a bottle afterwards to polish her appetite off. I really do miss breast feeding her – she hasn't tried to latch for over a week now and it's just odd; they really do grow up way too fast.

The rest of our evening is wonderful and quiet. Olivia is curled up in her father's arms nearly sleeping when the waiter comes into the room to take our desert order, everyone is stuffed so we just order some coffee and Teddy asks his father if he can have a scoop of ice-cream…

"So that's four latté's and three extra-large scoops of ice-cream, what flavour do you want son?"

"Can I have one Strawberry, one Vanilla and… one honeycomb crunch" Teddy asks whilst reading the menu. Christian never lets the children have too much ice-cream at this time in the evening in case it upsets their stomach. The waiter leaves us once more after removing our plates and bringing us some more drinks.

"How come I'm getting so much Ice-cream dad? I can't wait to eat it all… mmm"

"As a reward for being an unusually well behaved toddler Teddy, we were lucky with you sport, you're sisters are terrorists! If we have any more Ana, I'm demanding another son like Teddy because he is, and was just perfectly well behaved!" He says whilst kissing Ted's cheek and for once he doesn't wriggle away, he just smiles happily.

It doesn't take the chef long to prepare Teddy's gargantuan ice-cream sundae, it comes in one of those tall sundae glasses that are wide at the top and taper to the bottom. In between the massive scoops of ice-cream there are chunks of Belgian chocolate chip brownies, caramel sauce, and chopped strawberries and fresh black cherries. There is whipped cream, chopped nuts and drizzles of caramel sauce on the top and when they bring it to our table the waiter lights the sparkler that has been stuck in for garnish and overall wowing effect; I have to admit that my mouth is watering just looking at it – we all look at each other probably thinking: 'I wish I'd ordered one of those' Teddy looks up at us and shakes his head

"Nope, this baby is all mines because I was an _unusually well behaved toddler_… right daddy?" Christian looks at Teddy lovingly and kisses his forehead.

"Yes son, and now you're a well behaved young man"

**~o0o~**

Taylor drops collects us from the restaurant and drops us off at the front door whilst he takes the Q7 around to the garage. I am desperate to kiss and hold Gracie, I absolutely loathe punishing her – I just never had to with Ted because he is more like Ana, whereas Gracie is stubborn like her mother and has my temper; it's a lethal combination.

"Christian, baby – do me a favour… just go sit in the family room, on the floor with your back against the sofa and switch the TV onto the sports channel, I'm sure dad will want to watch a game anyways?"

"I love you baby, you always know what to say and how to say it… but do I _have_ to sit on the floor?" I ask, awed at her perfection, although I really don't get why I must sit on the floor?

"Do you trust me?" She asks, her innocent baby blues blinking up at me

"With my life" I reply, because it's true.

"Then do as I ask, please?" She leans up on her tip toes, still in her heels and kisses me chastely then shoos me from the kitchen. I head into the family room and sit down in front of the sofa which faces he TV and take off my shoes before switching on the flat screen.

"Want to watch a game Ray?" I ask as he walks into the room with Carla and Ted

"Can I stay up too Dad please? Poppa Ray is going away tomorrow and I won't get another chance?" He knits his little hands together begging me…

"How can I say 'no' to that face?" I ask as I cup his cheeks then ruffle his hair; the mariners are playing so whilst we guys tune into the game, Carla tunes into her magazine. We're talking about guy stuff when Ana comes walking into the room with a glass of chilled Sancerre and hands it to me

"Thanks baby" I say as I peck her lips.

"Scoot forward" She says whilst I am listening to Ray discuss the merits of the newest addition to our home team. I shuffle forward and Ana takes a seat behind me, widening her legs so I can fit between them and she starts to massage my shoulders.

_I have no clue to what you done to deserve this goddess!_

"Mmm, that's nice baby!" I sigh as I roll my neck forward completely relaxed – forgetting that her parents and our son are in the same room.

"See Carla, take note!" I hear Ray comment to which he receives a slap on the thigh from Carla and we all giggle.

"Baby girl you're making your mother look bad!" She states, never looking up from her magazine.

"Well I apologize but I have to make my husband relaxed after our daughter stressed him out!"

"And, this husband appreciates it!" I say, trying to keep my eyes open, I lay my empty wine glass on the floor and Teddy is sleeping, curled into my side.

"I think our prefect first born needs carried to bed" Ana says with a yawn, I am so relaxed because of her magic fingers that it takes me a lot of effort to even move an inch, which makes Ana giggle.

"Annie, I'll carry Ted upstairs… do you think you can manage to carry Christian yourself"

"Very funny dad… Christian, come on let's go up to bed" Ana stands up and takes both of my hands and pulls me off the floor.

"You are a magician with those fingers baby" I say whilst trying to smirk, Ana giggles again and wraps her arms around me, holding me to her body.

"Ever since I agreed to communicate with you, each and every problem I've had or fear I've felt, you've known exactly how to make me feel better about it and I just want to let you know how much I love you baby. Let's go up to bed where I can ravish your body with my own" I kiss her lips, deeply thrusting my tongue along hers, tasting and savouring her sweet, fuckable mouth.

"I am so happy that you trust me enough to know and meet your emotional needs since before me, you relied only on yourself, even though you had Grace, you didn't trust anyone to share your thoughts and fears with and I am so glad that you have given that trust to me, and I'll cherish it always" She smiles lovingly up at me and I clasp my hands together around her waist, holding her to me – showing her how much I want her by thrusting my hardness against her groin. I smirk as I feel her squeeze my ass, I feel a hard stab of desire course through my veins and I cannot wait for another second so I dip down and bend her over my shoulder, wrapping my arm around the backs of her thighs as I lay a ringing slap against her glorious ass; I relish her answering yelp.

I take the stairs two at a time, as Ana tries to quiet her giggle fit but it's not working out too well.

"Mrs Grey, you should be ashamed! You're antics are going to wake the children and we won't be able to have any dirty fun!" I playfully admonish her.

"Oh, I do apologize Mr Grey, but you're rather funny!"

"Funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?" I ask, smirking at the memory that sentence fishes from my mind.

"Oh a lot of one and some of the other" She responds, just as she did all those years ago.

"Which way around?" I ask, pretty certain that this was the correct response I asked back then too.

"I'll leave you to figure that out for yourself Mr Grey!" I lay another slap on her ass and slide her down the length of my body and thrust my tongue into her mouth.

"Christian" She whispers against my lips, my name getting lost between her short breaths.

"Yeah baby?" I ask, running both my hands up and down the curve of her ass.

"Will you let me try something, – we need to go to one of the guest rooms downstairs to minimize noise, plus I kind of need my equipment and that's where it is" She giggles and has me intrigued.

"What's this 'something' that you want to try, and what do you mean equipment?" I ask in between nipping and biting at her bottom lip

"Just go to the guest room, the furthest away one that's right next to the laundry room!" She responds whilst rubbing her hand over my growing length and I groan.

"Trust me baby, it'll be worth it – you know how I've been hitting the gym with Kate every Tuesday evening?" I nod, as I rub my hands up and down her arms as I smirk at her, trying to figure out what she's been up too!

"Well, you see… I've been going since about three weeks after Olivia was born and let's just say that I'll be using the new fitness levels I have achieved. Oh, you'll need the key for the room" She fishes the key from her purse and places it in my opened palm.

"Have you got something planned Mrs Grey?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.

"Definitely, I've just been waiting for the right time to reveal my secret. I figured that since tonight's dinner went pear-shaped that you should get a reward for keeping you're cool" She reaches up on her tip toes again and gives me another chaste kiss and pushes me from our bedroom.

"I'll meet you downstairs in about five or ten minutes honey, remove all your clothes except your boxer briefs and make yourself comfortable on the sofa okay?" I nod and head downstairs, quickly as I am left wondering what in the hell kind of 'equipment' can be in our guest bedroom? I slip the key into the lock and open the door and my jaw falls open, after the shock falls away my lips transforms into my lazy, cat-ate-the-canary trademarked smirk. This is going to be so fucking good!

* * *

Christian leaves the room and I am slightly nervous – sure I've done this in class a hundred times but it's different when I'm doing this for my husband. Initially I started taking the classes with Kate to get rid of the excess baby weight I was carrying from Olivia, Kate said that it would rebuild my confidence after everything that had happened, and I enjoyed it so much that I've kept going all these months, plus I'm still trying to lose the last couple of pounds that I can't seem to shift off my stomach. Christian maintains that I got my body back to perfection three weeks after giving birth but I had a feeling that he was just saying that to make me feel better about my body.

I trail through my lingerie drawer, and eventually find some gorgeous lacy champagne colored La Perla panties and the matching bra. I head into the closet and grab my thigh length champagne colored negligee also by La Perla; you can see the lingerie show through the sheer and super soft fabric. I sit on my bed and roll each stocking up my leg then fasten the lacy tops to the garter belt then put on the floor length silk robe that completes the set; Christian loves to lavish me with expensive lingerie that he likes to shred at every opportunity, however tonight he won't be able to because he'll be a little tied up. I giggle at my own very bad joke and head into the bathroom.

I grab my hairbrush and tip my head upside down whilst vigorously brushing through my locks , doing this upside down adds volume and bounce, once I'm done with the brush I flip my head back upright and shake my hair out so that it sits in its usual parting. I apply some of my tinted moisturizer and apply it to my face carefully.

_Don't you think this is a little unnecessary, I mean – he isn't going to be paying attention to your make-up he'll be too busy trying to have his wicked way with you! _My inner goddess tackles my subconscious to the ground and gives me the thumbs up with one hand whilst socking her in the face with the other – that shut her up, I think to myself smugly and I finish applying my make up!

I decided to go for a dark, smoky eye and a nude, glossy lip with a little light peach blusher. I Slip on my nude suede Laboutins and grab my iPod, and a few toys from the special safe that's hidden in our closet before leaving the confines of my bedroom.

Whilst walking past my mother's room I hear something that no child –no matter how old they are– should ever hear, my mom giggling in between contented, passionate moans and my father groaning. I keep walking quickly trying to block out whatever they're doing from my consciousness: Gross! I shake my head and carefully descend the stairs. I take a few calming deep breaths, hopefully Christian will be sitting on the sofa that is directly in front of my pole. I knock on the door three times and I shout through the door to warn him to close his eyes and keep them closed. I slowly open the door and peek through, and true to his word, his gorgeous eyes are shut tight. I breeze into the room, allowing the scent of my perfume to titillate his senses and I hear him groan already. I plug my iPod into the docking station and place the remote into my pocket.

I place the leather cuffs on the sofa beside where he is sitting and attach both of them to the arm rests then take his right hand in my own and give it a gentle squeeze.

"Don't open your eyes yet sweetheart. I'm just going to restrain you, is that okay? You trust me don't you, that I won't do anything to hurt you and if you want out all you have to do is say red and I'll release you and we'll make love okay baby?" I ask him and his lips part to accommodate his heavy breaths. Very slowly he nods his head and gasps as I fasten the cuff to his wrists. I've never really restrained him before and I hope he'll cope with it because I'm going to make it worth his while. I repeat the process with the other cuff and I'm satisfied with his position. I saunter over to the door to double check that it's locked securely which it is.

_Okay Ana, you can do this… you'll be a sexy bitch for your husband. You'll make him come without any form of touch! _My inner goddess does a lap of victory around the arena and the crowd goes wild. I pull the belt of my silk robe and leave it hanging open, revealing a little of what's underneath.

"Christian… open your eyes now baby" I say as I breathe heavily… I press the 'play' key on the remote and the electronic beat of Britney Spears 'breathe on me' starts to play as Christian's eyes darken in front of my eyes.

* * *

I catch Ana's scent as she enters the room, her perfume mixed with her skin offers an intoxicating, and potent combination that assaults my senses. She comes up close to me and fiddles with something right beside me, then moves to the other side and repeats whatever she is doing. It's taking all of my self-control to _not _open my eyes. She lifts my right hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, and I gasp at the contact.

"Don't open your eyes yet sweetheart. I'm just going to restrain you, is that okay? You trust me don't you? You trust that I won't do anything to hurt you and if you want out all you have to do is say red and I'll release you and we'll just make love okay baby?" My heart is hammering in my chest and I part my lips to accommodate my laboured breaths. Logically I know Ana would never do anything to hurt me when I'm at her mercy, but I can't help the fact that my anxiety shoots through the roof at the mere thought of being restrained

_Grey, think about it… you know that Ana isn't Elena – she doesn't get her kicks from wielding a cane across your back numerous times to teach you a lesson. Ana loves you, and you'll be safe with her, she won't abuse her power over you and you know that deep, down inside your soul._ I take a calming breath and agree with my inner voice, I very slowly nod my head and gasp as she secures my wrist inside the first soft leather cuff. She then moves around to my other side and repeats the process. Slowly and surely my anxiety melts away and I feel calm and relaxed just by her voice and presence in the room. I cannot comprehend how much I love this woman, she calls to me on some primal, elemental level that I can't and will never understand; all I can do is bask in the glory that is her complete and powerful love and trust.

I feel her leave my side and I am left wondering just where she went. All I'd have to do is slightly open my eyes, just enough to see exactly where she is but I won't. She obviously has something wonderful planned and who am I to ruin our fun?

"Christian… open your eyes now baby" I hear a deep electronic beat with a thumping bass line begin to play and I slowly open my eyes and drink her in. I feel my dick stiffen even more than it already was and I'm glad that she told me to undress because it's almost painful just in the confines of my boxer briefs. She pushes the floor length silk robe off her shoulders and it pools at her feet. She is standing in an absolutely gorgeous champagne colored lingerie set and matching stockings with 6inch, nude Laboutins. I need her right now; I have to be inside her…

She slowly struts around the shiny silver pole that is standing in the middle of the room, maintaining eye contact with me the entire time. Her lips are parted, in evidence of her desire. She looks gorgeous and when she skims her hands from her hair down past her neck and over the curves of her breasts I feel a hot, hard stab of desire course through my body with a shudder. Ana grabs the pole in her hands and swings her hips from side to side, then slides her ass all the way down the pole until she's on her knees on the floor.

She rolls her neck back as she places her hands on her knees and parts her thighs before slowly standing back up and pushing out her ass as she rises. Shit, she's absolutely killing me!

_Death by orgasm-anticipation isn't a bad way to go Grey…_

Her hands find her hair and she circles her hips as she touches her own perfect body. She hooks her knee around the pole and slowly spins around, rolling her hips as she turns – she was a sexy, little bookworm virgin when I met her, and now she's an Aphrodite. She stops spinning and stands right in front of me as her hands find her breasts and she kneads them, throwing her head back and moaning over the music as she pulls her nipples, teasing herself and me. She meets my eyes once more and unclips her front-fastening bra, turning at the last moment so that I only see her naked back and I groan in frustration. She turns her head to look over her shoulder at me and winks salaciously.

_Fuck!_

Ana slowly turns back to face me, but her hands are covering her breasts, my breaths are coming in short pants as I wait for her to let me ogle her assets. She kneads the mounds of pale flesh and her eyes close as she works her pink and erect nipples with her fingers, still moving to the slowly seductive beat and rhythm of the music. She holds my eye contact and moves her hands down over her stomach as she works her hips, gyrating as she descends to the floor and gets on her knees right in front of me; mimicking sexual thrusts right at my feet. Her hand trails, lazily across her stomach and reaches the line where her skin meets the silk and lace of her panties. I groan so fucking loudly when she slips her insolent index and middle fingers inside those fucking, sexy panties and because their sheer I can see exactly what those fingers are doing. Her mouth shapes a perfect, silent 'ahh' as she uses the pads of her fingers to rub her clitoris.

"Oh god, Ana – fuck, I need you!" I groan and she smirks as she gets back onto her feet and places her index finger into her mouth, sucking it clean. She moves slowly to the beat of the music and widens her stance so that my legs are between hers and presses her middle finger on my lower lip.

"Suck" She presses on my lower lip as I open and suck her clean, running my tongue all around her finger before softly grazing the pad with my teeth; as she hisses a sharp breath through her clenched teeth. She removes her finger all too soon and I'm left wanting and begging for more.

I adjust the width of my legs when she wraps her arms around my neck and sits on my lap, gyrating her ass against my length; I don't know how much more of this I can take. She grinds down on my lap as she fondles her breasts; she throws her head back in pleasure, moaning loudly as she painfully twists her nipples.

_Don't come, don't come, oh please don't come. Control, I have control. I won't allow myself to come! _– I chant to myself, trying to keep my cool which is hard since Ana has set the room on fire!

She leans into me, her breasts right beside my mouth – I could probably reach her nipple with my tongue if I just…

"Don't even think about it Mr Grey, no touching from you at all… unless I indicate otherwise" She holds my face in her lands and runs her tongue along my lower lip.

"Kiss me Christian – kiss me with everything you've got" She doesn't need to tell me twice as I plunge my tongue into her mouth, licking along the length of her tongue as I greedily taste and enjoy her sweetness.

"Baby, oh god Ana! I need you; I need to be inside you please"

"Hush, you'll wait patiently or I'll punish you and refuse to let you come!" My eyes must widen as she gives me a lazy smirk.

"Yes, that's right – I'm in charge and you do as I command. You're mine Mr Grey, I own this" She places her left hand over my heart and slides backwards on my lap. "And I'm damn fucking sure that this" She places her hand over my boxer-brief clad erection and grabs it roughly "Is mine and only mine!" She snarls and I feel like I'm going to pass out with the overwhelming feeling of sitting on the edge, waiting to plummet into a mind numbing orgasm.

"Who do you belong to Christian?" She asks as she licks her tongue along my jawline, grazing her teeth against the stubble that's forming.

"You Ana, always you! Fuck me baby – that's what we need to do" My eyes widen as I see a frisson of utter annoyance passes over her perfectly beautiful face and I'm shocked as she lands her hand right over my cheek in a fierce slap then licks her tongue along my lower lip and bites it playfully.

"Ahh, shit! Fffuck!" I pant as I shoot my semen all over her thighs and stomach. I can't believe I just came like an overly hormonal teenage boy who doesn't know what a woman's touch feels like… Ana grabs my erection in hand and roughly pumps her closed fist up and down my length, rubbing out my orgasm as I continue to come in thick streams. I grunt and groan a rendition of her name.

"I'm sorry, Shit! Ana, baby… fuck!" I pant as my orgasm goes on and on as she prolongs the debilitating pleasure. She stands up slowly and uses her finger to take a little of my seed and brings it to her mouth; rolling her eyes back as she moans.

"Yummy" She hooks her thumbs into her panties and slowly shimmies' them down her smooth legs and holds them in her hands as she runs something over in her mind. I've just managed to catch my breath and my dick is already hard and ready for her again, waiting patiently for her warmth surrounding it.

She is standing in nothing but stockings, garters and six inch heels and I am in awe of the seductress that I have the pleasure of calling my wife.

"Lift that firm ass in the air baby" She whispers into my ear with a wink. I lift my hips and she pulls my boxers down my legs and tosses them to the side and gets back on my lap, sitting on the edge of my knees. She is still holding those sexy panties in her hand and I am curious to what she is going to do with them; although I trust her with my life, I'll never be ready to be gagged ever again – and I can't help the panicked breaths that are rushing from my chest.

_Ana won't gag you silly! Stop panicking._

"Christian, it's okay – I'm not going to gag you baby… please just trust me okay?" I see worry laced in her gorgeous eyes and I slowly relax again. She holds up the panties in her hand and pushes them into my nose, allowing me to take in the tangy scent of her arousal and I moan in pleasure and frustration. I need her already – I know I've come already but that was with no form of touch at all.

She slides forward, closer to my hardened member and my breathing accelerates in anticipation of what's to come. She cups my face in her hands and kisses me passionately, tasting and savouring each other slowly. She removes one hand as she kisses me and takes my cock instead, positioning me at her entrance. I am completely in her sexual thrall, panting and throbbing, my erection calling to her core. She slowly lowers herself onto me as she plunges her tongue into my more than willing mouth. She takes me ball deep and my breath hitches in my throat from the sheer torture of pleasure that is ripping through my throbbing dick.

"God, baby! You feel so, so good – you're perfect Christian. You're everything I want and need" She says with reverence as she lifts off me, creating a rhythm that goes up, down, back forth and repeats this slowly... and we build, we rise, we pant, we feel as we climb the mountain of our release.

"Shit, Ana!" I groan, reaching higher and higher to the heavens and I take a moment to envelop her pink nipple in my mouth as she has her hands gripped onto my shoulders. She stops moving and I fear that I am going to be denied release. She reaches over to my left wrist and removes the restraint and repeats with my right.

"I need to feel your hands on me Christian – I need your touch, I crave it" And I smirk as I wrap my hands around her hips and slowly lift and rock us closer to our climax.

"Don't stop baby, yeah… just like that" I grunt as she clenches her walls around me and a sheen of sweat breaks over on our skin. I feel her legs start to stiffen and I know that she is very, very close so I reach between her legs and rub her clitoris, slowly circling.

"Don't come… control it Ana" She groans loudly as she throws her head back, and her spine arches in elation at my ministrations.

"We need… to… come… together… Christian!" She utters staccato. I snake my arm around her lower back and use my free hand to fondle her breasts and tweak her nipple as I suckle her bottom lip, grazing it with my teeth and she moans deep in her throat.

"You r-ready baby?" I whisper, breathless and desperate for release.

"Come with me!" She commands and as her body tightens and clenches, holding me in the most intimate way… she explodes and calls out my name, biting down on my shoulder, hard – which spurs me on and I drive into her another twice and rest my head against her neck as I whisper her name over and over again. I pull out and swing her legs around, wrapping my arms around her, she snuggles into my neck and we're both so close to sleep.

"Shall I carry you Mrs Grey?" I ask her; amusement evident in my voice and she tiredly nods in response. I shift her off my lap and back onto the couch as I grab my dress pants and shuffle into them. I pick up the rest of our clothing combined, along with the baby monitors then help Ana into her silk robe, and lift her into my arms; she locks her hands around my neck and kisses my chest as I ascend the stairs. When we reach our bedroom I pull back the duvet and sit her on her side of the bed and remove her robe. I kick off my pants and leave the rest of our clothing we removed downstairs in a pile by the closet –I'll probably get scolded for not putting them into the hamper but right now, I really don't care because I am so tired. And by the looks of it, Ana is too – she can't keep her eyes open and I chuckle at her.

"You remembered to lift Olivia and Gracie's monitors from downstairs right?" She asks, still with her eyes closed.

"Yes baby, they're on the bedside table"

"Lie down Ana, you're exhausted with your delectable strip-tease and all the amazing sex" I smirk down at her and a slow, sly smile appears on her face.

"You enjoyed it then?" She asks as I pull her to my chest; my front to her back and like always my arm goes around her waist and my hand slides onto her breast, giving it a firm squeeze.

"Baby, I more than enjoyed it – didn't I prove that downstairs? I haven't come all over myself since I was a hormonal fourteen year old boy. You made me do that with hardly any actual touching, you're a seductress my sweet wife" I whisper as I move her hair out of my way and kiss the wing of her shoulder. "How long have you been taking pole dancing lessons, are there any guys in the class?" I ask, slightly worried about another man getting to witness my hot and sexy lap-dancing wife!

* * *

_I'm sorry that this chapter has taken over two days, but I hope that the fact that it's over 8000 words will give me a free pass from being lynched for making you guys wait. Initially I was going to leave it at where Christian goes into the guest room and say's 'this is going to be good' but I decided not to leave you guys hanging. _

_Please continue to read & review, also F&F if you can ~ _

_I have given you a good amount of 'filler' chapters and I think it's time for Allyson to come crawling back out of the woodwork. Also, I was going to have her show up whilst Ray and Carla were there but decided against it as it would do un-repairable damage to the relationship between Ray, Carla and Christian – they would never forgive him for that. Oh, and I break off classes Tomorrow so I'll have a lot more free time to write my special Christmas treat chapters! _

With Love ~  
_– Susie, xoxo_


	58. Chapter 58: I hope I'm right

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

"How long have you been taking pole dancing lessons, are there any guys in the class?" Christian asks as he continually kisses my neck and shoulder whilst cupping my breast, which he does every single night; it must be some sort of comfort for him that he was denied in his formative years I muse.

"Ana, answer me?" His arms tighten around me as he tenses each and every muscle in his body.

"Yes, the instructor is a man, a very flamboyant and very, very gay man!" I say with a smirk and I feel him exhale and relax, I turn around in his hold and meet his eye in the muted light. I reach up and caress his face with my hand and kiss his lips.

"Even if there were a hundred heterosexual men in that class, it wouldn't make a difference Christian. I want you and only you, please believe me on that!"

"I do believe you baby, I just can't help the green-eyed monster in me from making an appearance. Fuck, do you know how seductive and sexy you are Mrs Grey?" He asks, and then places a series of butterfly kisses on my lips, cheeks and nose.

"Well, you don't have any reason or anyone to be jealous of!"

"It's late baby" He murmurs and I take my cue to turn back around and in an instant his hand is returned to its rightful place; cupping my breast.

"Sleep now baby, I love you" He kisses my neck and I close my eyes

"Goodnight sweetheart, I love you"

**~o0o~**

My mom, the girls and I decide to spend the morning together whilst the men head down to the lake to fish.

"How's things with dad, are you getting back together?" My mom has a beaming smile and nods.

"Things… are amazing Ana. For the first time in fifteen years I feel safe again. Ana, I need to talk to you about some stuff and I know it's probably not a subject you'd like to discuss over brunch but I don't know when I'm going to get another opportunity to talk to you about this"

"What's wrong mom?" I'm panicking and I stare into my mother's eyes; which mirror my own as I take a sip of my tea, trying to work out whatever it is that she wants to talk about. Olivia is banging one of the rattles on the tray of her high chair and gurgling, and my mom looks at her with a wistful smile.

"You know, when you're father died… I was so lost but I made a vow that I'd always protect you, no matter what and that I'd never allow you to be hurt. I'm sorry that I broke that vow Ana" She says, her voice breaking as she tries to maintain her composure.

"What are you talking about, mom… you couldn't stop Christian from having an affair, plus I don't want to drag it all up again. It's in the past and that's where it will stay!" I say with intensity.

"No sweetie, that's not what I'm referring to. I've been meaning to have this conversation with you for over fourteen years… I'm so sorry that I let Steve hurt you, and I want to make sure that you know that I never meant any of those things I said to you when I sent you to live with Ray. Ana, it was complicated at the time and I knew you wouldn't be able to understand. I had to let Steve think he'd won, that I'd chosen him over you, but I hadn't. I promised your father that I'd always protect you, and when that bastard touched you… well it was a step too far. I charged him, and he went to prison for what he'd done – what he made me do against my will! I can honestly say that I hate that man. Once he was released from prison he managed to track me down in Savannah – he sent me a letter saying that he'd eventually run into me and that it wouldn't be pleasant when I do. I spoke to Ray about all of this and it's been so good to finally talk about what we went through with that awful man." My heart is racing as she speaks – we've never spoken about Steve until now.

"Mom, I'm not going to lie – there were times where I'd question if there was any truth in your words that night, that maybe I did ruin your life – until I realised that you were only saying those things to protect me but I didn't truly understand until I had Teddy, I'd do anything and everything in my power to keep him safe from all the dangers in this world, even if I had to hurt him in the process" My mom leans over and gives me a big hug, holding me super close which makes me smile.

"I love you Ana banana" She whispers against my hair.

"I love you too mom, we should move onto a better topic. You said that you're filing for divorce once you land in Savannah, but I want to know what you're planning on doing afterwards."

"Well, your dad is driving me to the airport then he's driving back Montesano. Remind me to thank Christian again for the use of the jet. I am planning on getting the ball running as soon as I land in Savannah… and sign the papers ASAP. Then I suppose I'll be packing up my stuff and shipping it back to your dad's before flying back up in Christians jet to Washington, "

"I still can't believe it… my parents living under one roof?" I beam at my mom and she beams right back.

The rest of the afternoon is spent trying to have as much time together as possible. I love having my parents around me, and hopefully when mom moves back to Montesano we'll be spending more time together.

Gracie has one arm wrapped around Carla's neck and the other arm is wrapped around Ray's as we stand at the front door.

"If me give you twos cuggles will you stay wif me?" Gracie asks, pouting her lips and bats those long lashes at them.

"We wish we could baby girl, but we'll be back real, real soon okay?" My mom says with a kiss to Gracie's cheek.

"Otay gramma, me love you"

"And what about me?" Ray asks in a fake hurt voice

"Tis okay poppa, momma loves you" Gracie giggles deep in her belly making us all laugh with her as Ray's mouth hangs open.

"So you don't love me?" He asks as he tickles her ribs

"Course me love you poppa, you tum back soon?"

"Real soon princess" He rains kisses all over her cheeks and she laps up the attention. He sets her on her feet and she hugs onto my legs pouting, I think she's going to burst into tears any second whilst Teddy has a few moments with his grandparents. I stroke Gracie's curls with one hand as I rock side to side with Olivia on my hip. I really enjoyed having my parents here, –minus my mortification when my mother walked in on us– especially seeing them admit that they still love each other. I still can't believe that they're going to be getting back together, my mom is older and wiser than she was fifteen years ago and I hope this time she settles down for good. At some point I'm going to have to have a conversation with her about not hurting my dad, he doesn't deserve that.

My mom wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheek and I have tears in my eyes.

"Baby, don't cry… you'll set me off" We both giggle and wipe our eyes and she kisses my cheek then hugs Christian – I swear I see her blush.

_Can't really blame her though, she has seen him naked and in the throes of passion._

Ray gives me a big bear hug then holds me at arm's length and stares into my eyes with concern evident in his features.

"Annie, if Christian makes you happy, that's all I can ask for. But if he hurts you again…"

"Don't worry daddy, he won't. He learned his lesson trust me" I hug him one last time then he shakes Christian's hand before opening the car door for my mom, then closes it behind her and gets in himself. Mom rolls down the window and she has tears running down her face, Christian takes Olivia and I pull Gracie up into my arms, I rub her back in circles as she cries for my mom.

"It's okay baby, they'll be back real soon. Shh… don't cry Gracie girl or mommy will cry and then daddy will cry and we won't have any tissues left"

"Momma, no be silly – GG keeps tissues in toilet cupboard, there is lots and lots" I giggle at her cuteness, although she wasn't all that cute last night. We watch them drive down to the gate and give them a final wave before they turn onto the street and we lose sight of them.

"Well, come on crying family – we all need a big group hug" Christian says and wraps his free arm around Gracie and I, with Olivia on his hip then Ted wraps one arm around his dad, then the other around my waist and squeezes us tightly.

The remainder of our morning is spent playing with the kids. Teddy and Christian are upstairs playing with his massive train set, he and his dad build intricate model trains together as part of his 'father, son bonding time' whilst I paint Gracie's nails bubble gum pink.

"Momma, I miss gramma" She says, her big shining grey eyes all wide and sad and which tugs at my heart.

"I miss grandma too, but we'll see her again soon. I promise!" we pinkie swear and she decides that she's had enough 'girl bonding' time and heads to play with her dollies. I eventually find Gail in her sanctuary; the kitchen.

"Hey Gail, what are you up too?"

"Just baking some cookies, want to help me ice?"

"Sure, why not" Gail hands me a few cookies from the cooling rack and I take a tube of bright blue fine icing, running around the edge of the cookie ever so carefully, before filling the center with runny pale blue icing and depositing it on the plate to be refrigerated. I take another cookie and begin going around the outline of it, it's a very relaxing process.

"So… how're things with you and Christian?" Gail asks as she spoons some runny icing onto her cookie; which is shaped like a love heart. I can't help but sigh happily and Gail lets out a dirty laugh.

"That good huh?" She giggles as she plates up her finished cookie, then takes another.

"Yep, we're really good. It's different than before – you know, he was always so shut off from me. We never actually talked, sure the sex was always exceptional but I just feel closer to him now. He talks to me and really… that's all I ever wanted" I can't help the massive smile that is on my face, getting Christian to talk, was always a mission of mine and together we've achieved that. He trusts me with his heart and his feelings and what more can I ask?

_Him to remain faithful? _My subconscious asks uncharitably. I ignore the harpy and continue icing my cookie.

"Good, I like seeing you happy and those months you were apart were horrible. Jason and I knew how miserable you were, and he knew how miserable Christian was – if you hadn't started talking when you did – we were going to take matters into our own hands"

"Really?" I ask in shock, were we really that bad to live with apart?

"Yes. Ana, you were hell to live with! And believe me, Christian was hell to work with; so Jason said anyways" I take my finger and dip it in the icing and drag my finger down Gail's cheek – giggle-snorting at her shocked expression. She gets me back by flicking her spoonful of icing at me which ends up landing in my hair. I'm just about to get her back when an ashen faced Christian comes striding into the kitchen and my anxiety shoots through the roof.

"What? Baby, what's wrong?" I say as I wipe off my hands and run the towel along the ends of my hair and my shirt where Gail got me. He just stares at me with a panicked pained expression, my mind is conjuring a thousand and one scenario's to do with my mom on the jet.

"Christian you're really scaring me, please tell me what's wrong?" My eyes are filling up, wanting to know and not wanting to know, pulling me in an emotional tug of war.

"A-Alyson's in labor. She's shopping in the city and needs us to take her to the hospital, baby…" My stomach free falls and I feel sick – my joking mood of only a few seconds ago evaporates and my heart beats frantically whilst I hear the sound of my blood rushing through my ears.

"Ana… I…" My expression must give away my inner turmoil and I reach out and take Christian's hand. I swallow the hurt that is coursing through my heart and hope and pray that my hunch about Allyson is right because I don't know what I'll do if I'm wrong…

_Stop it, go with your gut. You know this bitch is just trying to take him away. Don't let her rattle you Ana._

"It's okay, I'm okay. Let's go pick her up" Christian releases a massive breath and pulls me into his arms, holding me close as he runs his hand up and down my back. I nuzzle his chest and relish the fact that I'm the only woman to ever be, and will ever be, allowed to do that.

"I'm sorry Ana. I'm so sorry" His pained expression cuts through my heart and I just want to comfort him, to take away the reason for his pain but I can't – he caused it, not me.

"I know, it's okay – we'll get through this and we'll do it together" I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince… him or myself. I take his hand and give it a squeeze before leading us to a waiting world of emotional pain.

* * *

_Dundundun! Baby 'Grey' is on the way (ooh that rhymed!) it was the last day of classes today and I'm all happy and excited because its… CHRRRRIIISSSTTTTMMMMMAAAAAAS SSSSS!_

_I really hope I'm here to finish this story ~ since we're all supposed to die tomorrow at 23:59pm 21/12/2012! I hope it's not true because I reeeally want to finish this damn story! LOL – some people really believe in this stuff though. _

_What's some scenario's do you think are going to go down at the hospital… I'm eager to know you're predictions XD muhahahaha_

_W/L – _


	59. Chapter 59: Labor Pains

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

Christian and I get into one SUV, as Taylor gets in the other and we head into the city to collect Allyson. He holds my hand tightly, brushing his thumb over my knuckles, trying his best to soothe me as he drives along the I-5; but it doesn't work. My entire life is balanced on a hunch, there is absolutely no guarantee that this baby isn't Christians and it terrifies me.

"Ana, I… I don't even know if I _want_ to know the answer to this question – but I _need _to ask anyway" I know what's coming – the question that I have been asking myself for the last ten days, that I asked myself less than ten minutes ago and I refuse to meet his eye.

"What's the question?" I whisper as I stare at my knotted fingers in my lap, I hear him take a deep breath and release it slowly and increase's his grip on my hand as he toys with my wedding and engagement rings.

"Ana… w-what if the baby is mine? Where does that leave us, our marriage?" I feel a dull ache forming in my chest, as if my heart is being squeezed and tears spring to my eyes.

"I don't know, it's just the thought of her always being in your life. We'll always need to see her, plus there's going to be a time where you're going to have to choose between our kids and your baby with her - you can't be in two places at once Christian. I'm not saying it'll happen right away but at some point there's going to be a school play, a football game, or even a parents evening that clashes with our children and this baby"

"Ana, there will never be a choice for me because our kids mean more, you mean more. It will always be you and our babies because I am deeply in love with you and our life" I reach up to his face and he leans into my touch as a tear slips down my cheek.

"You can't say things like that Christian – this baby, was either created out of stupidity because of not wearing protection, or in an effort to trap you, or lure you away from me, no matter what reason; that baby, he or she deserves a dad who loves each and every one of his children, regardless of who their mother is" Christian shifts in his seat and reaches over to wipe my tears as we wait in the traffic.

"I don't know what I did, to make me deserve someone like you. Ana, you're the most selfless person I have ever met and I am truly sorry for all of this mess. I understand what you're saying but I can't help that our kids come first and they always will–" He is interrupted by his cell phone and I chew on my lip thinking that it could be her talking to him on the phone through his Bluetooth receiver in his ear.

"Grey… You're certain I have the authority to do this? … good! And is the team on standby at the hospital… keep me informed" I patiently wait for him to share what he's talking about, and wait some more. Eventually he squeezes my hand so that I turn my head away from the dreary Seattle weather and look in his gorgeous, but pained eyes.

"That was my lawyers, when the baby is born and I hold him or her – a DNA sample will be taken from its foot and analysed to establish if I am the father. There's a team of analyst's on standby to retrieve the results as soon as the baby is in my arms" He pauses to and squeezes my hand once more as he stares straight ahead, I can see his jaw tighten as he tries to form his words.

"I can't lose you Ana… without you, I'm nothing" I nod and give him a chaste kiss on the cheek as he drives.

"I need to fix myself up; I don't want her to see me rattled"

"Okay, just always remember that I love you. No matter what happens, I always will" He averts his gaze and stares unseeingly out at the particularly grey day outside at 2pm in the afternoon. I go into my purse and get a baby wipe and try to fix my puffy eyes. I toss the used wipe and paste my fake smile of utter happiness on my face as we slow to a stop. I look out of Christian's side window and note that Allyson is waddling over to the car, pure white, her face taught with the agony she's feeling.

_Ha, bitch – I hope it hurts!_

I note that Taylor is the one to jump out and opens the front passenger seat for Allyson. She eventually gets in and sits down. Obviously, because the windows are so heavily tinted, and I'm in the front passenger seat, she doesn't notice me as Taylor helps her into the car and shuts the door behind her, then gets back in his own SUV.

"Hi Allyson – we'll be at the hospital before you know it. I can't wait to meet my step child. I see her reflection in the wing mirror and the bitch is scowling. Ha, and out of the corner of my eye I notice Christian smirk slightly.

Ana – 1 | Ally – 0

"No… we… n-need to go get my bag… I need my birthing bag!"

"Allyson, you are in labor and we need to get you to the hospital as quick as possible because you need medical treatment. Why in the hell did you go out, this late in your pregnancy?" He snaps at her, glaring through the rear-view mirror. Oh dear, fifty is very angry.

"Well, I don't exactly have a fleet of personal shoppers like some people. I'm completely on my own!" I see tears well in her eyes and for a split nanosecond I feel sorry for her, but it passes as quick as it came when I remembered why I'm sharing a limited air supply with the home wrecking whore.

"I have to get the bag; it has everything that I need for the baby and I?" She says with annoyance.

"Oh for fuck sake!" He growls. A ghost of a smile played on Allyson's face but didn't bloom when the SUV comes to a stop. Christian presses a few keys on his cradled blackberry and then waits for whomever he's calling to answer, and I assume it'll be Taylor.

"Taylor, I need to speak with you for a moment" He ends the call and meets my gaze, lovingly as he picks up my left hand and kisses my rings. A few moments Taylor arrives and Christian lowers my window down to speak to Taylor.

"Allyson, give Taylor your key for your apartment" She looks puzzled to begin with then realization dawns on her and she seems hesitant on handing over her keys…

_Why is she so hesitant?_

"Look, it doesn't matter about the bag, let's just go to the hospital" She says too quickly.

"You just said it has everything you and the baby needs literally three minutes ago! Give the keys to Taylor so he can get your bag; I want my baby taken care of Allyson" I clench my teeth to prevent me showing how much that smarted when Christian flicks his worried gaze over me and I remain impassive, then decide to give him a small flirty smile. She reluctantly hands over the keys and gives Taylor the address.

We're just about at the hospital when she clutches her stomach again and grunts through the contractions.

"You just need to breathe deeply Allyson, in and out slowly" _You shouldn't have too much problem with that _I add as an afterthought.

Two contractions later, and we arrive at the hospital – you'd think she was at the last stage of labor, not the beginning by the way she was screaming in the SUV; and this woman is supposed to have an extreme tolerance for pain? Puh-lease!

We all walk into the hospital and check in at the nurses' station before they lead us to one of their delivery suites. One of the nurses comes into the suite and takes Allyson's details before starting her examination.

"It's going to be a long night I'm afraid. You're only dilated to two centimetres Allyson so you have a while to go yet" She says in a cheery upbeat voice. Whenever I'm in labor… I want to punch those preppy nurses so badly.

"I… I can't do this… I need drugs, please it really hurts?"

"Yes you can, in a few hours you'll have a lovely baby that you and your boyfriend are going to shower with love. I'll see where your ob/gyn is and see what we can do about pain relief okay?" She gives the nurse a smile of pure elation and nods eagerly, before smirking at me.

"Yes, you're right – we'll have our baby and everything will be perfect!" I try to push away the anger, the nurse obviously doesn't know who we are and I prefer it that way.

Ana – 1 | Ally – 1

A few moments later the nurse comes back with a frown of her face, and I can tell that she's nervous because she's fiddling with the edge of her uniform.

"Ms Anderson, I'm sorry – your regular doctor is away at a conference; we're trying to find you a replacement as soon as possible"

"I don't want another d-doctor, this isn't happening. I need drugs, something to stop this agony" She clenches her teeth as a contraction rips across her stomach.

"I'm sorry Ms Anderson; we need to wait on a doctor to sign off the pain relief. You'll just have to wait on the doctor. I'd settle down guys because this is going to be a long night"

Christian and I step outside and head into our private family waiting room after two hours of her bitching about the pain. Christian wraps his arms around my shoulders and I clasp my arms around his lower back and nuzzle his chest.

"How're you holding up baby? I know that this isn't easy for you – and once again, I'm sorry for putting you through this torture.

"It was only when the nurse spoke about you as her boyfriend. I guess it just put my back up a little" I mutter, I feel so stupid for feeling this way.

_Snap out of it Steele… I mean… Grey._

I sit on his lap and press my lips against his neck,

"I love you, no matter what happens, that'll never change" Christian sighs and holds me that much tighter.

"I love you just as much as you love me, if not more. Shall we go and see how she's doing?" I smile, and kiss his neck once more.

"Let's go check on the screaming patient" I giggle and Christian smirks. I take his hand and lead him into the room. Allyson is clutching her stomach; white as a sheet.

"How are you feeling? Did they get a doctor yet?" I ask, trying to be civil. If the baby is Christian's I'm going to have to get over the fact that I hate Allyson.

"No, they haven't been back – it really hurts" Tears run down her cheeks and she wipes her eyes.

"Listen, I'll go see if I can get a fucking doctor, they can't just leave you like this; fucking ass holes!" Christian says whilst pacing back and forth the cramped delivery room. I can't lie and say that him caring about Allyson isn't hurting me, my heart is throbbing and I feel a knot of anxiety in my stomach.

_What if he walks away from you? What if he wants Allyson and not you?_ I am terrified of that.

Christian leaves the room and after a few minutes he comes back with a doctor in tow.

"Hi Allyson; my name is Dr James. I understand that you want an epidural to help with pain control?"

"Yes, p-please" Dr James administers the shot and then gives her an examination.

"You shouldn't be much longer Allyson, just hold on – you're eight centimetre's dilated"

"If you need something else Mr Grey, just page me" Christian nods then takes the seat beside me, lifting his hand to my lips and kissing each knuckle in turn.

"I love you baby, so much" He nuzzles his face into my neck, and then kisses my lips softly.

Another few hours passed and she was ready to push and after twenty minutes of pushing and screaming, she gave birth to a little boy, with copper hair. I feel my heart starting to constrict as Christian cuts the cord. He wasn't around to cut Olivia's cord – and that really hurts.

I suppress a sob as the little blue bundle is placed in Christian's arms. I need to get out of here because the bitch is smirking at me from her hospital bed when all I want to do is rag her around the room by her hair. I tap Christian on the shoulder and he immediately turns around and follows me out into the hallway.

"I need some air so I'm going for a walk or something"

"Baby, please – don't go, don't run?"

"I'm not; I just need to get out of here right now!" He places a kiss on my forehead and envelops me into a one-armed hug then kisses the baby in his arms; cooing at him. I just have the horrible feeling that something isn't right about this baby situation.

"Are you still doing the DNA testing?" I ask with apprehension.

"Yeah, my guy is on his way, we just need to give him a quick prick on his heel for a blood sample" He says whilst staring into the little boys eyes.

"Ana, I think we have to face the fact that this little boy is mine? I mean, he has my hair coloring but I'm still doing DNA just in case"

"Okay" I whispered, before walking away from him with tears running down my face. I didn't expect it to hurt this much when watching Christian interacting with another baby, and more than ever my instincts are screaming at me to listen, that this baby isn't Christians but he has his hair so what else am I supposed to think? I feel like I've been walking around corridors for hours, like I'm walking through constant nightfall, drowning in my pain and despair. I continue to walk, blinded by my tears when I slam into a wall of muscle.

"Oh… I'm sorr-y, I wasn't looking where I … wa-s going!" I apologized, feeling mortified that I was in tears whilst talking with this stranger – I still can't see his face.

"Ana? Is that you?" I looked up in confusion and I get a shock when I see Richard looking down at me with concern evident in his features.

"Hi Richard…" I say awkwardly twisting my fingers.

"What's wrong, you seem really upset?" He leads me to a private waiting room, trying to help me in "Well, the woman my husband had a four month affair with just gave birth to their son. We didn't think that the baby was Christians, but now I'm pretty sure that he is because the baby looks just like Teddy" I say with a half laugh/sob.

"Oh Ana… sweetie I'm so sorry"

"I don't know what I'm going to do – I love Christian more now than I ever have but she's always going to be in our lives. The worst part, what I hate myself for-" A sob escapes my chest and I try to rein in my emotions "-Is that I can't bear to see Christian holding that baby, I look at him and all I can see is what they done, what caused him to be created, how horrible to think that about a little baby?!"

"You aren't a bad person Ana, it's perfectly normal for you to feel this way. Christian and the woman he had the affair with broke your heart, and this new baby is a product of their betrayal. Eventually you have to ask yourself the million dollar question; is your love for Christian enough to protect you from her involvement in his life? I'm pretty sure it'll all work out how it's supposed to Ana; you've just got to have faith that the path you're on is the right one." He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I rest my tear-stained cheek on his shoulder as he rubs his hand up and down my arm. We sit in silence for a while until his pager starts buzzing angrily

"Damn it! I'm really sorry Ana, I have to go tend to a patient, feel free to wait here if you'd like to talk after I'm done with my charge"

"Sure, I just needed to get away from the situation for a while" He squeezes my hand and leaves the room. I wipe my eyes and try to get a handle on my emotions. Seeing him hold that little boy, especially with his mop of copper hair has made my heart ache.

I make my way back towards the hospital room and suddenly hear shouting coming from the room. I open the door and I see Christian holding the baby whilst his guy is taking a blood sample from the baby's foot and Allyson is shouting asking what they are doing.

"Allyson, I'm sorry but in order to provide for my son, my lawyers insist on a DNA test for child support. I'm not saying that he isn't mine, but this has to happen! If you have nothing to hide then what's the problem?"

"I don't have anything to hide, I'm just saying that you could have asked me or consulted with me before having someone come in here and do this without my permission"

"He's my son so I don't need your permission Allyson!" Christian is seething, I can tell instantly by his eyes and so can she. Allyson raises her hands in a defensive gesture.

"Okay, I don't have anything to hide so I guess it's alright"

"I wasn't really asking anyway" I place my hand on Christian's bicep to subtly tell him to keep his cool.

I feel someone behind me and he automatically apologizes, upon hearing his voice I know whom it is, and whom he's going to be examining.

"We're going to have to stop meeting like this Ana" He laughs then freezes with a blank look on his face when his eyes fall upon Allyson…

* * *

_I can only apologize to each and every follower, favourite and reviewer out there who has awaited this chapter. I don't want to go into the specifics but the family member I mentioned before, who was in a domestic violence situation left her husband at 8-am on Saturday, and everything has just gone to pot. I couldn't concentrate on writing or even reading the story's that I follow. I have gotten out of the funk I've been in, and I'm pretty close to normal again… I think! Also please forgive any errors because I was in a hurry to get this out to you all - consider it a Christmas present XD_


	60. Chapter 60: Baby, or Faby?

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

Taylors POV

I walk into the building that Ms Anderson resides in to get her luggage. I hate that woman, why Christian ever cheated on Ana with her is beyond me? There is an upside to coming to get her stuff, I can have a good look around and maybe find a little dirt to prove that her child isn't Christians – it's just too convenient for her to be carrying the boss's baby! I turn the key and walk inside.

The suitcase is in the bedroom, and I decide to have a look around the rest of the apartment, looking in each room to find anything out of the ordinary. I see a faint light coming from the cupboard in the hallway, upon opening the door I find a small staircase and head down there.

Being ex-military, I have seen some awful things and not a lot can shock me but this is just unbelievable! Picture after picture of Ana and the children that have been disfigured; there faces scratched out of the photos. There are also countless pictures of Christian and Ana together but Allyson has replaced Ana's face in the photos with her own face! I open some drawers but there isn't much in them, except from news articles on Christian and Ana's separation and a small notebook which I start to read…

**_Entry 21_**_  
Today, I found out that the IVF was successful and I am now pregnant. The donor that I chose had Christian's exact shade of copper hair – hopefully when the baby is born he or she will have Christian's coloring and he won't doubt that he is the father! I can't wait until I get rid of that Bitch Ana permanently – she better not try and stand in the way of our happiness or she'll be sorry! We're going to be a family, a very happy family – that won't include Ana or her brats. It'll just be Christian and our baby and I – and I cannot wait! I will be rid of Anastasia Grey one way or another!_

**_Entry 44_**_  
I cannot believe that he took her to some red carpet event! It should be me with him, not his skanky wife! No matter though, as soon as I tell him that I am pregnant with his child all 'their' hard work will have been in vain! If she could provide him with what he needs he wouldn't have had to come to me in the first place – we're perfect for each other! And soon… we'll be a happy family!_

**_Entry 55  
_**_I swear I will kill her if she tries to keep us apart – we're meant to be together and she just needs to accept that. I will rip her to shreds before I let her keep him from me! He will be mine! She doesn't know what it's like to have nothing and no one… I do! I know – but now I have Christian and I'll be damned if I'm losing him too! Over my dead body!_

I skimmed through the rest of the journal; I can't believe the extent of her scheming, some of the entries were so detailed I nearly vomited and it takes a lot to shock me! Christian and Ana need to know what she is planning. The level of detail in the journal on how she plans on getting rid of Ana is sickening. Ana isn't safe in the same room as her, and the boss needs to know this. I grab some shots of the photo-wall on my cell phone and take the journal, she isn't sane enough to have a baby, especially one designed to split up a marriage! I grab the suitcase on the way out of the apartment and head straight for the hospital – I just pray that I get there in time, if anything happens to Ana, Gail will kill me!

* * *

Richard is frozen in front of me, staring at Allyson wide eyed. Sure this is an awkward situation to be in, but that doesn't explain his reaction to her?

"Richard? Are you alright?" I reach out and touch his arm and give him a reassuring squeeze. I look over to Christian and he is still holding the little one but his expression is artic, surely he can't be jealous over Richard being in a room with me, when I've had to endure seeing his mistress give birth to his son?!

_Asshole!_

"Ana, is this who he had the affair with, the one who had his baby?"

"Richard, please – don't do this?" Allyson say's with tears running down her face.

_What the fuck is going on here? How do they know each other?_

Christian puts the baby in his little Perspex crib as Richard turns around to face me, grasping my shoulders.

"Is she the woman Christian had an affair with, the one he got pregnant?" He asks whilst staring me right in the eye.

"Get the fuck away from MY wife… NOW!" Richard turns to Christian with distain and repeats the question.

"Did. You. Have. An. Affair. With. Her?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but yes – I had an affair with Allyson and it was the biggest mistake of my damn life!

"Richard, I am begging you – don't do this?" She cries frantically!

"It's not my business Christian, huh? Well it is, considering that Allyson is my ex-wife!"

_Holy Shit? They were married… to each other?_

"Did you get Allyson pregnant?" Richard asks Christian, and he averts his gaze to the floor before subtly nodding.

"Why? Why would you do that to Ana? You have no idea what you have and you're throwing it away."

"I'm not throwing anything away, it was a mistake, I didn't mean for any of this to happen, do you think that I like to see my wife in this situation-" Richard interrupts Christian again and I just want the ground to open up and swallow me!

"Christian, I spent one night with her, one night she lay in my arms and I could pretend that she was mine… that I deserved someone like her – yet you have her, in your bed every, single night and you throw it all away to get your mistress knocked up with IVF? You're disgusting!"

"IVF? What the fuck are you talking about Harper?!"

_IVF? _ Suddenly a conversation I had with Richard at the restaurant comes rushing into my mind. I imagine that my eyes are wide with shock.

"IVF?" I whisper and Richard nods – I can't control the disbelieving giggle that passes my lips, Christian looks at me like I'm crazy, and maybe I am? I stride over to my husband and take his face in my hands.

"Sweetheart, when Allyson and Richard were married they tried to get pregnant for two years and couldn't. They went and seen about it and it turns out that Allyson has a hostile womb, her body kills sperm before it can get her pregnant" I rub my thumbs on his cheeks and he looks on at me wide eyed.

"It… it's not mine? It can't be mine? Can it?" He looks to Richard and he shakes his head in response. The feral scream that erupts out of Allyson almost gives me a heart attack.

"NO! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO WORK, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MINE!" I just see the vase hurtling towards me but haven't enough time to move out of its path before it crashes on my head and darkness consumes me.

* * *

I just see the vase colliding with Ana's head and she falls to the floor, I try to break her fall but her head lands with a sickening thud!

"Ana? Ana, baby… Fuck!"

"I HOPE THE BITCH DIES, IF SHE DOESN'T… I'LL COME BACK AND FINISH THE JOB! CHRISTIAN – YOU NEED ME! CHRISTIAN!"

"Christian, we need to get Ana out of here and checked over!" I look up at Harper and give him a nod. He goes into one of the cupboards and gets a neck brace and attaches it to Ana's neck before lifting her onto the stretcher. I am extremely worried to leave that baby in the same room as that psychotic bitch!

"Harper – we can't just leave the kid!"

"I DON'T WANT IT WITHOUT YOU CHRISTIAN!" Allyson screams at the top of her lungs, crying hysterically; she is totally lost it!

"Your right, we'll take him down to the nursery for the time being" A team of nurses come into the room and start checking Ana over, they decide to take her for a CT scan just to make sure she's alright. I feel like shit, it doesn't matter how much I try, I can never keep her safe – she always gets hurt some way.

"She'll be okay Christian, I'm sorry that Ana got hurt because of Allyson – she needs help!"

"I hope she gets help, but if she hurts my wife, or comes near me again, she'll regret it! I promise you that!" We both give each other a nod and I leave the room to follow Ana to x-ray.

~o0o~

Ana was taken for a CT scan which showed no fractures or brain swelling, but she still hasn't woken up. I take her hand in my own and bring it to my lips.

"I'm sorry Ana, I'm so sorry. Just please, wake up? I need you, and I love you more than anything so please just come back to me?" I stare at her face, trying to see if she's coming around but she's not. I fold my arms on top of the bed and lay my head down. A few seconds later I hear someone clear their throat and I look up to find Taylor standing at the door.

"Sir, I need to speak to you about Allyson Anderson" I motion him to take a seat but he just stands across from me.

"I went into Ms Anderson's apartment and found a shrine, all pictures of Ana, the kids, even of you and Ana but not Ana's face – which she'd replaced with her own" He shows me pictures on his phone and I am in shock at the extent she went to trap me. Unbelievable!

"I also found this sir" He hands me a leather-bound journal that gives a detailed description of what Allyson plans to do to Ana. After reading a few short paragraphs I feel physically sick!

"What is it about me that makes your ex's psychotic?" Ana croaks and Taylor takes his leave to stand guard at the door.

"Baby, you're awake – oh thank god" I kiss her forehead and look into those gorgeous blue eyes as she smirks up at me.

"What? What are you smirking about?" I ask, smirking back at her.

"Just you, the fact that I was right all along – her baby wasn't yours!" I can't help the chuckle of relief that comes from deep within my chest.

"You were right, it wasn't mine at all!" I kiss her cheeks, her eyes and finally a long deep kiss on her perfect lips.

"What's going to happen to the little baby though? She doesn't want him–" I love that Ana is so selfless, she always thinks of everyone above herself.

"Shh… relax, it's okay – he's fine! Richard, well, Richard is going to take care of him whilst Allyson gets some help, she's sick right now. She could have hurt you so much worse than she did and I'd never forgive myself for letting her into our lives!"

"I'm okay, I'm fine Christian and I love you… get in with me?" She pats the space beside her on the bed and I kick off my shoes and get into the bed beside her, snuggling her perfect body into my chest.

"I love you so much Ana." I say whilst kissing her hair and thrumming my fingers up and down her back.

"I know, and I love you no matter what. Nothing will ever keep us apart okay?" I smile against her hair and purse my lips into a kiss.

"Agreed Mrs Grey!" I listen to her rhythmic breathing and soon find myself slipping into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

Christian opens the car door and lifts me into his waiting arms, holding me close to his chest as Taylor opens the front door

"I can walk Mr Grey" Christian smirks down at me and shakes his head

"Will you please, for once, let me take care of you Ana?"

"I'm sorry Christian" I giggle.

"Best sound in the world baby!"

He sets me down in the center of our bed and starts removing my converse and socks.

"I have stuff to be doing Christian – I got a bump on the head – I'm fine!" Just at that, Teddy and Gracie come barging into the room.

"MOMMA! We'd misted you and daddy!" I pull her up onto the bed and wrap my arms around her perfect little body and take in her sweet scent.

"I missed you too pumpkin!" I say with a kiss to her curls.

"Yeah mom, we missed you" Teddy say's as he kisses my forehead. I look up and Gail and Olivia are standing in the doorway. I get up and take her in my arms kissing her curls over and over again.

"Olivia, let's go get daddy, will we go get him?" I smile at Christian, knowing that the babies in this room are the only ones he has and that this horrid episode is finally behind us. We'll never have to hear from Allyson-fucking-Anderson ever again!

* * *

_Well, that's the faby situation – now you all know! XD I hope it lived up to your expectations, and you'll keep with the story because it isn't over yet! Richard is taking care of the baby; he hasn't got a name yet lol, suggestions?_

_I'm also sorry that it's taken me longer than usual to get this chapter out – finding time and space to write just now is… hard! But I'll be spending new year's writing a couple of chapters for you. _

_Love  
Susie. xoxo_


	61. Chapter 61: Talking about feelings!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I wake with a start and slowly realise that I am wrapped in Christian Grey, I let out a contented sigh and he stirs.

"Ana, what time is it?" He asks me sleepily and I raise my head to look at the alarm clock.

"It's 2:15am" I say as I move my hands up and down his chest and press my lips to his.

"I love you Ana, so much!" He states as he turns me onto my back and hovers over me, running his nose along mines.

"I love you too, I'm just so glad that all of that is over and we can just move on with our lives"

"Ana… can I ask you something?" He asks between kisses and I nod my head whilst caressing his face.

"Do you want to have another baby? I know Olivia is still a baby really but I just want to see you round with my child again, especially after everything that's happened?" He pauses and looks deeply into my eyes, searching for an answer to his questions, assessing my reaction "Just think about it, I'm not saying we need to start trying right away, just please think about it alright?" It suddenly dawns on me that since we've been back together we haven't used any protection – plus I'm no longer on birth control. Shit, I could be pregnant anyway!

"Christian, we haven't used protection anyways, and I didn't go to Dr Green to get my shot after having Olivia – what was the point, we weren't together?" He stills on top of me, searching for something but unsure on how to voice his concerns.

"What is it? You need to communicate what you're feeling right now, 'cause I can't keep us together alone!"

"When you were uh… with him, you used protection right?" Ah, now I understand his discomfort.

"Yes, we did!" He immediately relaxes and lays his forehead on my shoulder.

"So…?"

"So what?" I ask him, looking into his misty grey eyes

"Another baby?" He nibbles at my jaw and down the column of my throat.

"How about we just keep doing what we've been doing and leave it up to fate, because having another of your adorable spawn Mr Grey, would never be a bad thing!" He inhales sharply and crushes his lips to mine, his tongue stroking along my bottom lip, seeking entry; which I willingly give.

"I love you so much Ana, you're just everything to me! I can't and won't ever live without you ever again – my heart couldn't bear it!"

"I never want to be without you either, I love you Christian, always" He smirks down at me and hungrily moves his lips down my throat, along my collar bone; nipping and sucking as he goes.

"You have the softest skin, your scent is so captivating and alluring" I arch my back as he wraps his lips around my nipple through my silk nightgown and bares his teeth making me inhale sharply, getting the pleasure/pain balance perfect; as always.

"Christian… please" My voice husky with need, certain areas craving his touch and he infuriatingly steers clear of the contact I need. He pulls me up and helps me out of my nightgown, slowly revealing my body; which belongs to him, to do with as he pleases.

"What is it Ana, tell me what you want" He whispers against my breasts.

"You, I need you!" I fist my hands in his hair and pull hard!

"Shit, Ana–" I pull him up to meet his lips with my own and bite down on his bottom lip. I twist from under him and flip our positions so that I am on top, straddling his hips. I take his hands and pin them above his head, grinding down on his rock hard and throbbing erection.

"Baby?" He is practically panting below me. I move my lips to his ear and gently nip at the lobe with my teeth.

"Shh… don't worry; I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to make you feel so good" I whisper into his ear, kissing the spot just below that drives him crazy. All the while I am grinding down onto his length; which is creating the most delicious friction. I throw my head back; my hair tumbling down my back as my hands dance up to my breasts.

"Ahh… Ana? Baby I'm so close, please?" I lean down; my bare breasts touching his chest and press the pad of my thumb onto his bottom lip, trailing it across whilst my hand makes its way to his length. I move up and down in a slow rhythm, stroking him, exciting him, encouraging him. He lifts his sexy ass for me to pull his boxers off, freeing his impressive length. I maintain eye contact as I shuffle backwards on the bed. I softly blow on the tip of his erection before enveloping the head, sucking greedily; wanting him, all of him in my mouth. I love that he finds so much pleasure in me and what I can do to him.

"Jesus, ahh… Ana, I want to be inside you baby… please?" I look up at him with my mouth full and I see nothing but love and dare I say, adoration? I crawl back up his body and take him in my hand, slowly lowering myself onto him. He arches his neck as I fully take him in and squeezes his eyes shut.

"Christian, is everything alright?"

"Yes, you just feel so fucking amazingly tight; almost to the point of pain" He grunts, slowly pulling back and easing back in. He lifts me higher with each touch, each push and each pull.

"Christian, faster… ahh, please?" I whisper, breathless and in dire need. He flips us back over so that he is looming over me, and gently places a small kiss upon my lips. Christian buries his face into my neck; I feel his warm breath on my skin and it's heavenly. He trails his hand down my throat, onto my collar bone and down the side of my breasts, leaving a trail of tingling fire in his wake. He strokes across my belly and down lower to my thigh; we're still connected, our bodies meeting, united with strength. He hitches my leg over his hip and his fingertips meet with my clitoris. He moves in circular motions, my hips gyrating to the rhythm he's set and he thrusts in and out of me slowly.

"God… Ana, you're always wet and ready for me. You feel so good!" He ups the level of pressure on my center, my core that is dripping for him. He circles his thumb once more, sending tingles down my spine before leaning down to passionately kisses me.

"I love you Christian Grey… so much!" He rubs his nose along mine before pulling out of me, leaving me feeling bereft.

"No, Christian – I need you, I need you inside me…."

"I need to taste you baby, just for a few minutes okay?" I subtly nod as he kisses down over my belly, inhaling as he reaches my pubic hair. When I feel his tongue glide over my sex, I arch my back and my hands slide into his hair, holding him to me as he claims me! Christian starts to hum against my sex, sending powerful vibrations through the precious ball of nerves in my center.

"Shit… Oh god…" I call out as the first wave hits me and before I know it, Christian has thrust back into me as I clench around him, shouting out a garbled version of his name. He keeps sliding in and out of me, burying his face into my neck as he presses his wet lips against my skin, and slowly I begin to build again. Shit.

"Come on Ana, I need it again – give it to me baby"

"I can't!" I whimper. Christian groans low in his throat as he adjusts the angle of his thrusts, gyrating against me in all the right places.

_Holy Shit!_

He pounds into me as his hand finds my clitoris, rubbing against me in small circles.

"Christian!" I call out as I explode, he rests his forehead against mine as he stills, whispering my name like a prayer.

We lie, wrapped in each other, my head resting on his chest whilst he trails his fingertips slowly up and down my back in a gentle caress.

"Ana… I need to ask how you're feeling about everything that's happened; I never want to lose you again and that means having to talk, so please Ana, let me in?" I still, my cheek resting over his heart whilst it beats in a frantic rhythm.

"So you want to know how I feel about Allyson and the whole situation with the baby?" I ask in a shallow whisper, my heart clenching along with the memories of that dreadful night, hell those dreadful weeks, months! He rests his nose in my hair and takes a deep breath.

"Yes, I need to know how you're feeling because all I care about right now is you and our children" I move and turn onto my front, resting my chin on his chest and looking deeply into his silver gaze.

"It just hurts to think that someone could hate me so much, Christian – what did I ever do to Allyson? I did nothing yet she came up with this whole plan to hurt me? To split us up and the part that really scares me is that I could have let my fears rule me and let her win. I don't think you realise just how close I was to walking out of that hospital and never looking back" I can't help the stray tears falling from my eyes.

"What do you mean, 'walking out and never looking back'?" He asks, panic evident in his hushed voice

"I don't want to argue with you or try to make you feel guilty but I need to make you see how this whole situation has affected me?"

"Baby, don't hold anything back – you're right, I need to know?" He whispers

"Can you imagine for a second that I had an affair with Richard whilst I was still with you, we split up and I managed to win you back only to find out that I was pregnant with Richards's baby? You would be standing there, watching him help me through labor, cutting the cord, holding the baby whilst you watched on, feeling your heart being ripped apart over and over again; and every time I turned my head away from Richard he smirks at you, hurting you, when every touch, every word we shared between us is strained" His jaw is tense, and he's holding onto me tighter than before, like somehow I'm going to disappear or the horrifying picture I'm painting is going to come true at any given moment.

"I'm just trying to make you see that at the hospital, I walked into the room when you were holding her son and it killed me inside – each second was harder to endure than the last. When I left for some air, I just walked and walked around the corridors, blinded by my tears and despair – I kept telling myself that at any second I would feel your presence behind me, or you'd pull me back but you never did, you never followed me out of that room, you were to wrapped up with what was going on. When I returned, I was about to tell you that I was leaving, to go home to our children when everything came out about how Allyson had planned the whole thing to hurt me and split us up" I sit up in bed and wipe away my tears, trying to get a handle on my emotions. There is no point in trying to bury these feelings because that'll only damage us more in the long run and I don't want that because I love him more than I ever thought was possible. Christian sits up too and pulls me into his lap, snuggling me into his chest as his hand rubs up and down the outside of my thigh.

"Ana, I'm sorrier for all of this than you'll ever know – I've come to realise that all I've ever done is hurt you and that was the one thing I always swore I'd never do and I have, over and over again! I love you so much and I guess that I am just lucky to still have the pleasure of having you in my arms, to know that you still love me regardless of the shit I've done" His tone started out, low and full of pain, but ended with shades of wonder.

"Maybe I'm just a bad person that all these bad things keep happening to. I wish that I could just understand why everyone seems to hate me?" Christian bends his forefinger and uses the knuckle to wipe away my tears and presses his lips to mine.

"No one hates you baby" I scoff a half laugh; half sob and shake my head.

"Christian, the girl threw a vase at me and kept a journal stating all the ways she plans on getting rid of me; that kind of gives a hateful impression, don't you think? I mean, first there was Elena, then Leila now Allyson; unfortunately, even you can't change facts Mr Grey."

"I think a lot of it is to do with jealousy. I never chased after any of them, or pursued them in any way, shape or form; except maybe I did with Elena – but I was 15 and incredibly stupid. With you, it was a game changer; and they all know that I love you and I would never, will never, love them"

"You may be onto something there Mr Grey, you are quite a catch" I say sitting up on my knees, crawling up the bed and over him. I lick the seam of his lips with the tip of my tongue, nibbling on his lower lip, when he gasps; I take advantage and kiss him deeply, earning myself a loud groan.

"You're everything Ana, absolutely everything! I love you." He mumbles against my lips, and I can't help my smile.

"I love you too Christian, you're also everything to me! How about round two?" I ask, he smirks up at me when my hand makes contact with his growing member and our lips touch once more.

* * *

_I want to dedicate this chapter to a very special friend, who has gone through some of my hardest times right along with me, sharing my utter joy and happiness at a very special surprise. She goes by the pen name: And1rea – this lovely woman, is the absolute best, she is always there whenever I need her, for a giggle, a hoot or a shoulder to cry on; which I do… often lol, and I just want to thank you for always being there, you are my rock and I love you, and your messages (which sometimes make me pee a little; with Andrea there is no such thing as TMI!) because they make me smile! _

_I hope this chapter finds you all well, and maybe a little heavier, with the holidays and all – I know I have put on bucket loads of weight over this festive period lol! Any predictions as to what might be coming up in the story… ;)?_

_W/L  
Susie.. xoxo _


	62. Chapter 62: Birthday Blues

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

~Three months later~

"Morning baby" Christian's sleep-filled voice and warm breath floats to my ear. His body wrapped around mine with his hand caressing my stomach.

"Good morning husband of mine" I say with a smile.

"When will we have another invader in here?" He asks frustration evident in his voice. Once a month we are filled with disappointment.

"I don't know, soon hopefully. I want this just as much as you do Christian" _Probably for different_ _reasons_ I add silently in my head. I have yet to voice my concerns over wanting me to give birth to another of his spawn.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I know that there's one sure fire way to get you pregnant"

"And what's that hotshot husband of mine?"

"Slowly and passionately making love with you" He places his lips to my shoulder, nipping and sucking at my skin as he moves his hand from its place on my stomach upwards, fingering the spaghetti strap of my floor length night gown.

"You know, you are the sexiest woman on the planet" He whispers as he nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck.

"Such a charmer you are"

"No baby, I'm just honest" I lean back into him, my mouth slightly parted to accommodate my elevated breathing.

"Thousands of men think of you whilst they fuck their wives, girlfriends or mistresses alike" I can't help the scoff that escapes me.

"Bullshit Grey… ahh" I moan as he makes contact with my swollen flesh.

"No, baby I'm not bullshitting – the best part is that it's only me that is allowed to do this…"

"Shit!" I gasp as his fingers stretch me in preparation for his hardened self.

"I need you; I need you so much that sometimes I can't breathe from the anxiety of not having you close"

"Christian, please"

"What baby, what do you want?"

"I need you" I turn onto my back and he scoots backwards, slipping the straps of my nightgown off my arms and pulls it from the bottom, slowly skimming the silky material to reveal my body for him.

"Are you ready for me baby?" I arch my neck as he takes my sensitive nipple into his mouth, pulling it with his teeth, sending electricity directly to my groin and kindling a low burning fire within me, around me, engulfing me in the flames of his desire.

"Those lips" He murmurs, slowly caressing my lips with the tip of his tongue, applying a feather light touch, seeking purchase and finding it as I gasp. His kiss enraptures me, consumes me and the only thing I can think of his him. I relax completely into him and he senses my total submission. I no longer need to think; I just let myself feel.

"Fuck, Ana – you astound me with your beauty, your grace. You captivate and tantalise me every second of the day" He places his hand at the nape of my neck, lifting and tilting it slightly, the other hand finds itself on the small of my back and I arch when his lips touch the valley between my breasts. Long wet lingering kisses travel upwards. His tongue licking and lapping all the way up the column of my throat. A rumbling growl answers my slow moans.

"Christian, you are everything… ahh" I mewl as his lips, teeth and tongue caress every inch of my breasts.

"Shh… I've got you baby; I'm going to take care of you" He utters against my flushed, over-heated skin. He keeps moving further south, circling my navel with his tongue, skimming from hip to hip above my panties; which he rips with his teeth, pulling the scraps of destroyed lace away from my dripping core.

"Fuck, your scent! Jesus it makes me hard! It calls to me like a drug I have no choice but to inhale and enjoy it" His nose finds its way into my pubic hair, inhaling the entire time until he skims his fingertips along the length of my folds.

"Mmm! I-"

"Shh, no talking. I want to hear your quiet moans, your gasps but I don't want to hear any words" I groan through my frustration. Does he realise what he does to my body, it's impossible not to be vocal. He kisses my other lips, nibbling them and I can't help but gasp and arch my back.

"Your body is mine, to worship and enjoy. To titillate and tantalise with my own" He faintly blows against my sex, feeling his cool breath against my burning flesh sends tremors rushing through me like electricity.

"Your taste is… indescribable. I love it, and I love you Ana" He kisses me, just like he would kiss my lips, using his tongue, his teeth and those expert lips to ravish me. His mouth closes around the most sensitive nub of nerves in my body and hollows his cheeks with the strength of his suction. His tongue fluttering, lapping at my engorged sex and my body tingles in response, heat rips through me as I try to restrain myself from telling him how good he makes me feel, how amazing his skin is against my own.

"Baby, you are so fucking sexy, you make me want to rip your clothes off and fuck you every second of the day. I love sitting in my office and imagining you being my naughty secretary, bending you over my desk and spanking you, then fucking you hard and fast – until you scream" How does he do this, how does he make me feel this way. I am in a constant state of wetness from just thinking about him, yet when he does this, when he talks to me in this way. I just want him to fuck me already. I need to feel him throbbing inside me, making me forget what happened exactly one year ago today.

_STOP IT! You are both over it so stop and enjoy what your husband is trying to do; which is make you forget._

His massive hands find their way to my behind, rubbing his palms against my cheeks, and feeling and grabbing them, firing a jolt of pleasure to my groin and I groan, his answering groan serves to make the throbbing worse.

"Every moan that escapes your throat is making me harder, I am rock solid for you Anastasia, look baby, see what you do to me" I open my eyes, lifting myself up on my palms as I watch him stroke his length slowly with a sinful smirk on his face.

Shit. That is so sexy; he sets me alight every time he touches himself in my presence.

"You like Mrs Grey? Remember, no talking" He asks through hooded eyes. I can't do anything other than suck a sharp breath through my clenched teeth and nod.

"Fuck, make that sound again" I repeat, sucking an even longer and sharper breath than before.

"Touch yourself baby, show me how you make yourself come" I smile, slow, lazy and seductive. My legs still wrapped around him tightly. I watch him through hooded eyes and bite my lower lip before inserting both of my forefingers into my mouth, slowly running my tongue all around them. Christian's mouth is slightly parted to accommodate his breathing. I lightly skim those fingers over my nipples, around and around while biting my lip. I arch my back as I grab the mounds of soft flesh, pushing them together, kneading them slowly. I allow myself to moan, licking my lips I gaze up at him, still with his erection in hand.

"Fuck, baby – lower" I smirk up at him as I move both hands south, down my sides and reaching my hips, I send them both inwards until they reach the line between my belly and my sex.

"Lower, fuck – lower" I loosen my legs from around his waist and let them fall limp, pointing outwards and opening me up. I run my hand over my mound; inserting two fingers into my sodden sex, a bubbling mewl ripping up my throat.

"Do you like that baby; do you like to touch yourself? Do you like me to watch?" He asks in a husky whisper, portraying his turned on state more than the rod of steel in his hand. I only nod, moaning, whilst writhing on the sheets. I look up at him, still running up and down his length, at the same measured pace, slow, sure and confident.

"You have no idea, what you're doing to me do you?" I bite my lip and shake my head, still thrusting my fingers in and out of me, using my other hand to circle my clitoris with the pads of my fingers, around and around.

"Slow baby, slow your pace" I groan as I slow my movements, frustration evident as if it was a flashing sign on my forehead.

"Why rush? I want to savour this moment with you. I don't get to do this often. I love to watch you, see you, and feel your heat without actually touching you. It's wonderful. I roll my neck, as the tips of my fingers and toes start to tingle and I suck another breath through my clenched teeth whilst Christian growls.

"Jesus, again – make it again" His hand rapid and roughly pumping his shaft so I repeat the sound I know turns him on. Hissing, as I move faster and deeper within myself. Just as I am about to fall, Christian grabs my hands stilling me and I moan in frustration. I need my orgasm. I am just about to object when he dives head first into my sex, lapping and suckling me as my fingers make their way into his hair, holding him and I grind myself against him, closing my eyes and enjoy the sensation. I cannot hold off any longer when he hums against me and I explode, screaming his name as he thrusts his throbbing member inside me. He pulls back and rams against me so hard that I slide upwards in the bed.

"Fuck, you're still clenching, shit! You feel so good… god you feel amazing!" As he pumps himself into me, harder and faster and I start to build again. I know it won't take long for us to fall.

"Baby, Ana! FUCK!" He pounds against me, rubbing out his release. I dig my nails into his back and bite down on his shoulder.

"Fuck, baby that feels so good!" He grunts I'm assuming he is referring to my biting and scratching his skin. Christian reaches down and rubs my clitoris hard and fast, almost to the point of too much friction. I grunt as I bite his neck, I feel myself building and building until I can take no more and I fall.

"Tell me baby; tell me how much you love it!"

"Christian, oh god! Fuck, fuck me harder!" I squeeze my eyes shut as continues to rub and thrust into me with the same amount of force almost to the point of pain. He thrusts another twice and pours out his second release as we pant.

"I love you Anastasia, I swear I am going to do everything I can to make this day as painless for you as possible!" He whispers, kissing me softly on the lips and running his nose along mine.

"You might have gone easier on me then because I think I have friction burns, it's quite sore actually" I say, wincing. Now that the release has waned, the pain I feel shoots up.

"Wait, let me take a quick look" I place my hands over my face as he parts my knees.

"Shit, baby – oh god I'm sorry, I- I got carried away. Stay there!" I nod, unsure if he can see the minor movement. My sex feels as if it's on fire. A few moments later he enters our bedroom once more and settles between my legs.

"Baby look at me" I shake my head, refusing. I feel his hands move over mine and pry's them away.

"I'm just taking care of you baby, I crave intimacy with you Ana, I want it baby, I need it" He takes a soft wash cloth and wipes me, with tender care. He uses a soft towel to pat me dry before applying some of Olivia's diaper ointment to my sex, cooling and soothing me automatically"

"Thank you Christian" I caress his face, softly nipping at his lips before enveloping him with my arms.

"I love you baby, so much!" He says with reverence.

"I love you too, more than I ever thought possible" I kiss him one more time before getting up and out of bed.

"Um… Mrs Grey?" I look at him over my shoulder, fluttering my lashes and note that he is frowning with a look reminiscent of drowning in despair.

"Baby, I swear I'll make th-" I cut him off with a smile of happiness.

"You don't need to swear anything Christian… you're a changed man and the fact that you worked so hard on yourself proves your love, proves how much you want us to be a family and that's enough for me. I need to go get the birthday girl"

"I love you, more than you can imagine"

"Oh I don't need to imagine Mr Grey, as I love you just as much"

~o0o~

I quickly scan over my to-do list, checking off items one by one. I check and check again but suddenly realise that I forgot one crucial element of a birthday party.

"Fuck, I forgot to get a freaking cake!" I mentally slap myself for my constant stupidity.

_Good, at least that's one thing I don't have to do for you._

My subconscious wags her perfectly pointed harlot red fingernail at me and I scowl. Harpy bitch. Gracie comes barrelling towards me and I just have enough time to catch her in my arms.

"Slow down. You'll get yourself hurt – you don't want a nasty boo-boo, especially when you'll be wearing a very pretty dress baby" I give a mock shake of the head in disapproval.

"When we go on jumpy house momma? I wana go?" Ahh shit. What an excellent time to commence a tantrum Gracie.

"Well, we have to wait on our guest's sweetie. I know you want to play but we have to wait until everyone arrives then you'll get to have lots and lots of fun okay?"

"Otay momma" She murmurs dejectedly. Oh princess, please don't make me feel guilty! Her legs are moving before I can place her on the ground and she takes off for the den. I shake my head and find myself between a giggle and a grimace imagining her as a teenager. We're going to have our work cut out with her, that's for sure.

"You okay baby?" Christian asks as he snakes his arms around my waist and leans his chin on my shoulder. I can't help but relax into his hold. My hands rest over his.

"I'm stressed. I have been planning this party for weeks, you know… I wanted to make it special and memorable for the right reasons and because I was so focused on everything else, I forgot to order a cake for Olivia! I forgot the freaking birthday cake and we're having a massive birthday party which – in case I am wrong is a crucial component to a birthday party" My voice gaining pitch and momentum as I begin to freak out.

"Shh… sweetie, she's only one – she isn't going to notice the missing cake. I'll send Luke out to pick one up okay baby" He says, touching his lips and tongue to my neck.

"Actually, I have another few things that I need to pick up – I'll take Luke and Liv with me, and you can help Gail welcome the guests as they arrive"

"Baby, you can't be serious? It's Olivia's party and you're going to take her with you?"

"Would you rather persuade Gracie to get into her dress, with a modicum of control or would you rather have Olivia in your arms whilst getting Gracie into the dress, plus Teddy harping on about the jump house? Sure you can handle all that Mr Grey?" He ponders my points for a moment and comes to a decision.

"How long do you expect to be away?"

"We'll be back in time for the party, I promise. I am already dressed – I'll get Liv changed into her dress when we get back"

"Okay baby. I love you, keep Luke close. I need to know that you're safe, both of you" I smile up at my husband and gently touch my lips to his, he tries to deepen the kiss but I place my hands flat on his shoulders and push him away until he rests his forehead against mine.

"What can I say in my defence; ahh… you're just so damn fuckable that I can't control myself around you baby!" He states with a smirk.

"Have you no shame" I ask in mock disgust.

"Where you're concerned Mrs Grey, I definitely don't" I kiss him once more and head into Olivia's nursery to get her out of her PJ's and into a pair of leggings and a t-shirt, then get her little tootsies into her teeny pair of converse. I clip her hair away from her face. She still doesn't have much but the small amount she does have is very curly making her even more irresistible. You can't be mad at her, she already has her father wrapped around her little fingers and he loves it.

I put Gracie's little jacket on when Luke tells us it's time to go. Christian meets us in the foyer and wraps his arms around Gracie.

"Happy birthday peanut. I love you so much sweetie" He states in a mere whisper. He strokes her sparse curls and gives her his shy smile and she gurgles back.

"Da, dadadad"

"Please baby, keep Luke close okay?"

"Always"

With that we head into the waiting SUV and head into the city to procure a delicious birthday cake for my princesses party.

After visiting multiple bakeries we eventually find ourselves a princess birthday cake. I ask the sales lady to add 'Olivia Katherine Grey" on top of the cake along with her date of birth 1st January 2020. We wait on her finishing up the cake and I'm bouncing Liv on my knee to distract her from the boredom that's consuming us both.

"Here you are Mrs Grey" She hands over the boxed cake to Sawyer as I hand her my black amex and quickly leave the store. We've been gone for over an hour and I know Christian will call at any moment demanding our immediate return. After five minutes of sitting in lunch time traffic 'Your love is king' starts booming from my Blackberry which I answer straight away.

"Hi Christian"

"Where the fuck are you Ana? Everyone is here including family and they're all asking where on earth the birthday girl is!" Frustration evident in his condescending tone.

"Well, it's hard to get a princess birthday cake made with no order placed!" I growl over the phone, annoyed at his reprimand.

"The rides are all set up and the kids are dying to get on them but they can't until Olivia is here. Well at least that's what my mother advised"

"Christian, I had to go get the cake. I had no choice so quit calling me just to bitch and moan because to be honest. I cannot be arsed with it anymore!"

"Maybe if you hadn't fucking forgot I wouldn't be here with a bunch of moms I don't know drooling over me and trying to flirt whilst Gracie screams to get on those fucking death trap rides. Get home Anastasia… now!"

"Maybe if you actually took an interest in your children's birthday parties it wouldn't be left to me to organize? I have a million and one things to do Christian – I work just as hard as you and yet any parties or celebrations I have to take the lead with planning and if you're not happy you can throw Ted's party in May! I'm on my fucking way home or would you like Luke to break the speed limit and cause an accident just because women are ogling you. I'm sure Mia, Kate, Elliot and your parents are more than willing to lend a hand until I get back" We both sigh heavily and silence hangs in the air between us. I wait a few moments for him to apologize but all I hear is resolute silence and I can't be bothered arguing with him any further.

"Know what Christian… fuck you!"

"Anastasia, don't you dare ha-" I end the call before he can finish his sentence.

"Mama" I take Olivia's pudgy hand in my own and lift it to my lips.

"What baby? What is it, huh?" A small 'V' forms between her brows and I know she's going potty right now and I don't feel like being in a warm car with a dirty diaper. I notice that we're not far from Escala. I know that we have some baby supplies in Gracie's old nursery, which is Olivia's whenever we stay there overnight.

"Luke, I need to change Olivia, please head for Escala so I can get her cleaned up"

"Sure thing, you really have a knack at pissing him off don't you?" He raises a brow and smirks at me in the rear-view mirror, I can't help the giggle that escapes me.

"Yeah you could say that Luke, it's just so easy to wind him up" He shakes his head and chuckles.

~o0o~

We pull into the garage and park in one of our private bays. Luke quickly jumps out of the car and comes around to my side and opens the door helping me out before reaching in and grabbing Olivia's car seat. We patiently await the arrival of the elevator. Eventually it arrives and we both step inside, entering the new code and we travel upwards to our tower in the sky. I head into Gracie's old room and place Olivia on the changing table making quick work of changing her diaper. I take the dirty one and place it into a scented diaper sack and tie it in a tight knot. I fix Liv's close and pick my baby girl up as she rubs her tired eyes.

"You can sleep once we get back into the car sweet pea" She continues to rub her red eyes and yawns as I snuggle her close to my chest. After a few moments of staring at the Seattle skyline, slowly swaying and rubbing circles on my babies back. Her breathing slows and I peer at her face which is resting on my shoulder as she lies in a contented sleep. Hopefully she'll be more energetic once we get back to the house.

Luke is sitting on the sofa when I return with Liv and he jumps to attention. It bothers me when he reacts like that, I'm not Christian and I never will be, but I suppose it's engrained into them over the years.

"Do you want me to take her and lay her in the car seat Ana?"

"No it's okay Luke. I've got her. If you could just carry the seat I'd be grateful" I hold her against my chest, one hand under her bottom and the back of her legs and the other is holding the back of her head against me as I quietly hum and sway from side to side. I catch Luke out of the corner of my eye smirking at me as the elevator travels down to the garage.

"What?" I ask, indignation present in my voice, unfortunately Luke knows me too well and he knows I'm not serious.

"Nothing… you're just such a mom" I giggle and agree.

"Best damn job I've ever had" I say quietly, my voice thick with emotion as I softy kiss my daughters curls and inhale her sweet baby scent. The elevator pings to announce our arrival and we both head to the car. Luke places the car seat on the floor and I lower Olivia into it, securing her straps before putting it in the car, it's easier as I'd have to be an Olympic gymnast to achieve strapping in whilst the seat is in the car. I lift the seat into my arms and Luke takes it, and places her in the car when a deafening bang reverberates through the garage. He looks up at me, his face pale and his eyes wide. It was just an engine backfiring… then I see the blood running from his mouth down his chin as he falls to his knees.

"A-Ana… get in the c-car, g-go before It's too-" Are the last words he says before he goes unconscious. I have to get him in the car, I can't leave him – I just can't. Tears are running down my face as I drag Luke's body in between our SUV and another car, trying to protect him as I pull his body into the car. I don't know where I get the strength but we're almost there. The blood is pumping out of him too quickly and I'm covered, my hands bright red as I start to sob. This isn't happening.

_Annie, it's the fear that'll kill you. Rise above it – give into the adrenaline. Breathe slowly and concentrate. You'll be alright baby girl._

I keep low as I go around the front of the car to the driver's side and try to open the door as silently as possible. I try to get in the car as I feel someone grab me by the hair; I scream and kick out, struggling to protect my baby, my friend. Please, someone help me. I need you Christian. I need you now.

* * *

_Let the drama commence. Sorry for the long wait guys. I had a bad case of Holiday blues and I couldn't bring myself to type. Who do you think is attacking Ana and Luke? Any idea's as to what is about to unfold?_

_With love  
– Susie, xo_


	63. Chapter 63: Mom please tell me how?

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

"Know what Christian… fuck you!" That woman frustrates me like no one else.

"Anastasia, don't you dare ha-" Fucking hell! Jesus she is so fucking goddamn difficult. I take a few slow, deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself. My struggle is futile as I am still positively livid.

"Oh there you are Christian. I was just saying to Johnny that I love how close he and Teddy are these days. They're never apart" She purrs at me, licking her lower lip before bringing her glass of wine to her lips – trying to be seductive.

_She wouldn't know the art of seduction if it bit her on the arse. Ana however could seduce a priest._

"Yes Ms Bloome, he and Ted do seem to get on well" I give her a small polite smile and she flutters her lashes at me, with her long blonde hair and her perfect all-American-smile she must think she's something so special, even her perfume – so heavy that its burning my nostrils – is pretentious and fake; not an ounce of class, or dignity is hidden in the depths of that woman; like the majority of the women that hit on me, she's just shallow.

"So, where's Ann today then, shouldn't she be here with you?" She pouts, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she bats those false lashes at me once more. Right now at this moment I can honestly say that I want to tie Ana up and beat her senseless, then fuck her over my desk obviously I won't but it is nice to imagine. I can only imagine the lustful expression on my face and this stupid woman actually thinks it's for her benefit. No, I will not allow some stepford wife wannabe disrespect Anastasia in our own home.

"Actually Ms Bloome, my wife is called Anastasia, but she prefers Ana" I say, giving her my frosty glare as I stress the last 'a' of my babies name. She averts her gaze and flushes profusely. I take the opportunity to make my exit and hide from the copious horny mothers that are invading my home.

~o0o~

Twenty-five minutes later and there's still no sign of Ana. I have called her and Sawyers cell phones numerous times and they're both ignoring me. I am beyond fucking livid. How dare she embarrass me like this, in front of our friends, our family and the kid's friends? She will be getting a piece of my mind along with a harsh fuck when she does walk through the door. It kills me that severe punishment is off the table. What I wouldn't give for an hour alone with Ana and a cat-o-nine-tails right this second.

"Daddy but pweeeeeease. You said momma be back, I wana pway" I reach down and pick up a pouting Gracie and hold her on my hip.

"Phoebe Grace Grey who's birthday, is it today?" I quietly admonish her.

"Liv's daddy"

"So since it's Liv's birthday shouldn't we wait for her?"

"No" She states with certainty, shaking her head eagerly for added effect.

"Well, I'm sorry sweetie but we gotta wait on Liv, momma and Uncle Luke okay?"

"Otay, me pway with Aunty Mimi 'till Liv get here, otay daddy?" I smile and place a kiss on my daughters temple and she runs of to find Mimi. I resume pacing my office, waiting on Anastasia. I am so mad at her; I am trying very hard to keep the filthy, rotten, poisonous thoughts from swirling through my brain.

Fuck this.

"TAYLOR" I bellow, knowing no matter where he is in the house, he'll here me. Approximately fifteen seconds later he knocks on the door.

"Yes sir?" He asks, stoic as usual.

"Track the SUV – I want to know where my fucking wife is now" I growl, my frustration overtaking my sense. Taylor sits down at the computer and begins to run the tracking software that is in all of our cars and phones.

"Uhh, Sir?" Taylor turns in his seat, confusion marring his face

"What?" I snap.

"The SUV is stationary and has been for two hours, both cell phones are also at the same location for the same amount of time" He states, frowning slightly.

"Where? May I remind you that I am not a patient man" I say, still pacing the floor. Surely she's not wrecking our baby girl's first birthday party just because we had a disagreement?

"Escala" Ice is injected into my veins and bile rises in my throat.

"There is only one reason my wife would go there on this day…" I muse to myself, Taylor looks at me expectantly.

"Why sir?"

"Revenge, with either Luke or the doctor"

"Sir … I don't think A-"

"I don't pay you to fucking think Taylor. You'd do well to remember that! If this is the way she wants to play then game-fucking-on!" I say, my voice portraying a snarl of defiance.

_Think about this before you go in blinded by rage. This is Ana we are talking about, she wouldn't hurt us like that. Especially Ted! Hell she has Liv and you're accusing her of fucking the staff in your daughters presence?_

I completely ignore the voice inside my head as I go tell my mother that I am going to collect my _wife_. She immediately noticed the undercurrent of hostility I felt for Anastasia in that moment and pursed her lips. I immediately turned around before she could voice her questions as to why I had a face like a slapped arse right now; there's only one arse I want to slap right now and it's sitting in Escala fucking the staff.

I jump into the SUV and tell Taylor to head for the apartment quickly. He wanted to catch them in the act, he wanted to beat him to a pulp, and yeah that's what would make him feel better – killing Luke Sawyer with his bare hands, ripping him to shreds until there is nothing left.

The majority of the journey was spent in silence. I sat imagining what they were doing right now. Had he made her come? Was those pretty blue eyes staring up at him as he fucked her? Had he tasted her? I snort.

_Of course he's tasted her. She's been fucking him the entire time. From the moment he entered the apartment for the coping together benefit, that's how long she's been screwing him. When she's fucking you she's thinking of him! Feel better?_

Surprisingly enough I didn't feel any better for making ridiculous accusations in my mind. I just wanted to get there already; I want her to shake her head at me with a smirk, yelling that I'm too damn jealous. Regardless, if I catch her in bed with Sawyer I'll still fuck her, I'll fuck her and then I'll beg her not to leave me.

_That's your plan?_ My subconscious looks over at me, his mouth gaping at the thought of fucking my wife after she's fucked someone else. As I've always said… I'll take her any way I can get her. But him; I am going to kill him, I'm going to make him beg for his life, then I'm going to smile as I kick the bastard to death. I do not lose. Ana is mine and that's the way things are staying even if I have to chain her to our marital bed, of course if she's fucked him on it I'll have to buy a new one. I can't have the memories of her fucking someone else in our bed.

"TAYLOR HURRY THE FUCK UP BECAUSE I AM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT ANY SECOND" I am panting heavily as my fury burns faster than before. My hands pull at my hair in agitation as we turn into the garage at Escala. I spot the SUV and Taylor slams onto the brakes. My fury dissipates as quick as it appeared, replacing it with ice cold fear.

Taylor jumps out of the car and is immediately on the phone for an ambulance. I stand with my hands in my hair and tears streaming down my face, I have just spent the better part of an hour imagining this man fucking my wife, of how the many ways I was going to kill him.

Jesus help me now, please I need her back – bring them back safe to me please.

"Mr Grey… Sir?... CHRISTIAN" I snap out of my daze and run to where Taylor is crouched down beside Luke, feeling for a pulse.

"Is he…?"

"No. He has a pulse. That ambulance needs to hurry the fuck up or we're going to lose him. He's losing too much blood too quickly. Luke's eyes open for a split second and there completely bloodshot. I don't know where he finds the strength but he raises his hand and pulls Taylor by his shirt to faintly whisper into his ear.

"S-she" He gasps for air, a bubbling noise coming from his throat. God he's going to drown in his own blood.

"Luke, what is it? Who took them, who took our Ana?" I bristle at Taylor's endearment but my head spins as I hear his faint, feathery voice as clear as if he shouted it in my ear.

"A-Ally-s-son took A-a-na. Gun – p-pointed at Oliv-ia t-aken. S-ssorr-ry" I kneel beside Sawyer and take one of his hands in my own. He tries to turn his head towards me but just doesn't have the strength. I see small tears falling from the corners of his eyes and disappearing into his ears as he lays flat on his back.

"It's okay Luke; I'm going to find them. I'm going to bring them back to us. I promise" He faintly nods before coughing.

"I – love her G-rey, sh-e's my s-sis-ter"

"I know, I love her too. We all do and we're getting her back, we're getting them both back. I refuse to accept my life without her by my side. I'll get her and our daughter back because there is no other option"

The ambulance pulls into the garage as do the police. The paramedics start furiously working on Luke as they strap him to a gurney and wheel him into the back before taking off with their blue lights flashing and their siren blaring. I've lost my siren, oh god please bring them back.

~o0o~

After an hour of giving statements the police officers finally leave the apartment. The rent-a-cop detectives heading off to start their investigation. I told them that I wouldn't interfere and they were stupid enough to believe me. I'm sitting on the 'U' shaped sofa with my mom on my right and Mia on my left. Both holding one of my hands in their own. I feel no comfort from the gesture but I am unwilling to let go. Ryan and Reynolds have stayed with the children whilst Taylor calls in some favors with his ex-army buddies. He's doing everything he can to accumulate an elite team to bring back my heart. An involuntary sob escapes my chest as tears fall down my cheeks.

"I… I thought, god please forgive me!" I beg as my heart splinters and shatters.

"Oh darling, what did you think? Please talk to me Christian… we'll get them back I promise. You will get your wife and daughter back" My mom whispers as she rubs circles on my back, which bring me no comfort, no solace.

"I… I thought she was getting revenge. I thought I was going to walk in here and find her in bed with another man… I thought that man was going to be Luke – I imagined all the ways I was going to kill him whilst he was lying in a pool of his own blood in an attempt to save my heart. What… what-if? What if she doesn't… what if I lose her forever?" I whisper as I collapse into my mother's embrace as she rocks me back and forth.

"You won't. You'll get her and Olivia back because you have to. It's what you do, Christian you have never lost so don't start now baby boy. Bring them back to us"

"I… I don't know how… I can't think … I just feel this ache in my chest and a knot in my stomach. I just need them in my arms! Mom please, tell me what to do, please?"

For my gut wrenching plea, for my question, she had no answer.

* * *

_So we know who, and we know why… all that's left to ponder is how?_

_W/L  
- Susie, xo_


	64. Chapter 64: Stay with me

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

_I want to inform you that this chapter may be distressing as it deals with extreme violence. Also, I must issue a Kleenex warning. I apologize for any salt loss._

_Listen with caution; tears may be shed: /watch?v=N8XJYQuXoA4_

* * *

Pain.

That's all I can feel. Blinding, searing, agonizing pain.

I force myself to open my eyes just in time to wish that I hadn't. I feel my neck jerk backwards as a well-placed kick lands under my chin, so hard that I fear my neck has broken. At this moment, I can honestly say that I hope it has, because then I would no longer feel the pain that is ripping through my head.

I feel like I am forgetting something, something important enough to make me fight back. I try to grasp onto a fleeting thought that dances elegantly through my brain but it slips through my fingers when another well placed kick lands right in my stomach, compressed air is forced from within me as I curl into a ball. I fear, because there will be no screeching tires or slammed doors, no one's coming to save me this time.

One noise. The only noise capable of penetrating my hazed consciousness brings me a new-found clarity. My daughters piercing cry, jolts through me like a wave of horrific electricity. Each scene plays in my mind's eye from earlier today. Wonderful sex with Christian, forgotten birthday cake, arguments, Luke is shot.

Olivia.

Luke.

Threat.

I force my eyes open as the figure turns away from me, I note with frozen certainty that the figure is still holding the gun. I try to get up but I can't. I can't move. I can only watch in horror as the figure pulls Olivia's car seat from the safety of the SUV.

No.

Please.

Not her.

I don't know how, but I manage it but I roll onto my stomach and drag myself along the garage floor, trying to get to her, trying to save her. The figure puts Olivia beside me on the floor and I am sure that our fate is sealed. Pointing the gun at me serves no purpose, it's a non-entity. I care not for myself but for my daughter. The figure knows this.

The figure lowers, sitting on one knee, the other foot flat on the floor.

Allyson.

"Oh, dear sweet Ana. Whatever will we do with you?" Tears choose this moment to come unbidden down my cheeks.

"Oh… don't cry. Each and every person has their time Anastasia, this is yours. I am sorry however that I won't be quick. You will suffer."

"W-what did I ever do… to m-make you hate me ss-so much?" I cough, trying to drag limited air into my lungs, enough air to allow me to formulate some sort of plan, some way to get us out of this mess.

"You took Christian. You took Richard. Then you made sure to take my son, Christian and I – you took our son"

"I'll… I'll leave him. I'll take my children and I'll go" She takes the butt of the gun and clocks me across the jaw, my mouth swimming with the coppery taste of my blood, so much so that I have to spit.

"DO YOU THINK I AM STUPID?"

"No, no I don't. I swear I'll leave and he'll never hear from me again. You can be together, your son can have a happy family" I am grasping at straws.

"I can't. Richard took him, I'm not allowed near him because of you!" Fuck, I'm not getting out of this. I'm never going to see him again. Please don't let those words be the last I ever say to my husband.

She leans down to Olivia who is still bawling her eyes out, reaching for me and I can't hold her, I can't comfort her. I feel so helpless, I feel like I am drowning in my daughters screams. She picks Olivia up and holds her to her chest, whispering in her ear but Liv is rigid. I try to get up but I can't, I can't move.

"Please don't hurt my baby please, she has done nothing. She hasn't hurt you – It's me you want to hurt, not her. Please, take me but leave my daughter please"

"Let me think about it… hmm… No" She whispers whilst pointing the barrel of the gun she holds against Olivia's temple. He'll know, there's camera's. He'll find her; I just need to survive long enough to know beyond a doubt that he saved our Olivia.

"HELP, SOMEONE PLEASE… HEL-"

Crushing blackness consumes me, there is no pain. I am transported to a place where there is only light and warmth.

* * *

"Mr Grey?" I sit up and wipe away my tears, standing to meet Jason's wide and worried eyes.

"What do we have Jason?" I ask, a ray of hope blossoming in my chest, the space where my heart used to reside until it was ripped from me.

"Uh… I got the CCTV tapes from the garage… I just thought you should know, but they posed no help whatsoever."

"FUCK!" I pick up the nearest object and hurl it at the wall, smashing it in smithereens "Show me!"

"Sir… are you sur-"

"Now" He gives me a slight nod and I follow him into his office.

"Christian, it's bad. It's really bad!" I can't help the tears tracking down my face throughout watching that sadistic bitch brutally beat my wife in front of my daughter. I lean over just in time to grab Taylors wastepaper basket before I vomit.

"It gets worse, sir I advise you as a husband and a father… don't watch the rest"

"Play it"

To watch my wife be beaten to a pulp is a painful thing no man should suffer but to watch that psychotic bitch hold a gun to my daughters temple whilst tilting her head at the camera. I didn't know pain until I watched that.

"Tell me she took the car seat… please tell me she took the fucking car seat!" He averts his gaze and slowly shakes his head. We have nothing, the tracking system that is in our car's and cell phones are also in our car seats, for instances such as this. The beating Ana just took could have killed her, she could be dead, she could be watching over me right now and I pray that she isn't. For some unknown reason I look towards the monitor, watching as Allyson drags Ana by her hair into the van.

"Rewind Taylor, a few frames" My heart is hammering in my chest as the scene plays backwards. "Stop, now play" I watch as Allyson places Olivia's car seat beside Ana, again I watch my wife beg for my daughter's life but what I didn't see before was Ana slipping her hand down the side of the seat and holding the tracker tight in her closed fist.

"There look, she knew, she knew I'd watch, she knew I'd see."

"See what sir? She knew you'd see what?"

"The tracker, she has it in her hand! LOOK!" He rewinds the video again and his eyes spark.

"Mrs Grey, you are a genius"

I nod, and hope blossoms in my chest. I'm getting them back. I have to.

* * *

"Wakey wakey, rise and shine" A singsong voice whispers in my ear. My head is throbbing and it hurts even more if I try to open my eyes. I feel cold, shivering even. I want to drift back into the darkness, and then move beyond it to that place of warmth and light. I cannot for the life of me remember what happened whilst I was there, I only know that I want to go back.

I feel soft lips caress my cheek in a tender kiss, which moves closer to the corner of my mouth. I am so stunned that I can't even pull away. The soft lips move against my own, which are frozen in horrific shock. I wince as the foreign kisser bites down on my bottom lip until blood is drawn.

"Mother fucking whore I. SAID. WAKE. UP!" They often say that the sound of a cane lashing through the air is worse than the actual strike. Those who say that is lying.

"Five bar gate – count"

"W-what?" I hear the whooshing noise again before searing agony rip's across my lower back.

"I will continue until you start counting. Again and again and again. When you count the six I'll stop… baby"

"TWO" I scream as the cane strikes on the backs of my thighs, an inch lower than the first.

"THREE" I all but gurgle, my scream so severe that it sticks in my throat.

"FOUR" It feels good to scream, to cry, I try and break my bonds but all I get is rope burn.

"RED, RED, RED!" I sob over and over and all I receive is laughter.

"Little girl, safe words are for playing. I'm not playing, I will make you suffer so badly that you will beg me for death" Within a split second the cane strikes me once more.

"FIVE" Another blow placed diagonally across the four previously. Christian save me, please find us! I throw up a wordless plea because I am choking on the pain; it's so severe that I cannot comprehend it. I am literally sobbing, pulling against my bonds to wriggle free from this torture.

"All-yson, please. I am begging you to let my daughter go"

"She's no longer your daughter. She's mine. Christian and I will raise her; we'll love and cherish her. All that's left for me to do… is finish you off – I'd speed this up a bit but I'm enjoying it too much"

She grabs me by the hair and draws back her fist over and over again until I see stars and slip into the darkness once more.

"Don't give up, he needs you now more than ever" I heard a strange whispering voice before all coherent thought leaves my body.

**~o0o~**

"Hush little baby don't say a word, momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird, and if that mocking bird don't sing, momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring" A soft voice sings the well-known nursery rhyme but instead of soothing the wriggling baby in her arms, she screams even louder.

"Mammama" She cries, hiccupping from the sobs wracking her small body. I want to reach out and settle her against my chest, to whisper 'I love you' in her ear. Tears streaming down my swollen face.

"Olivia. Stop. Screaming! Is this any way to treat your mother?" She yells, I am terrified that she is going to draw back and hit her but she just places her in the crib before pulling up the rails.

"Ahh, you're awake"

"Please let me hold her, I'll stop her crying if you just let me hold her"

"No. You can't touch her; she has to see me as her source of comfort, she needs the comfort of her mother and that is who I am"

"NO, SHE'S MINE YOU MOTHER FUCKING PSYCHO BITCH! ARE YOU REALLY SO STUPID THAT YOU BELIEVE KILLING ME WILL MAKE HIM WANT YOU? HE'LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND SMILE WHILST DOING IT. HE. DOESN'T. WANT. YOU! IT'S ME THAT HE DESIRES, IT'S ME WHO MAKES HIM COME WITH MY TOUCH, IT IS I WHO TOUCHES HIS CHEST, KISSING EACH AND EVERY FUCKING SCAR HE HAS! HE WILL KILL YOU IF ANY HARM COMES TO US; YOU'RE A STUPID, DELUSIONAL LITTLE GIRL WHO IS THROWING WHAT LITTLE LIFE SHE HAS DOWN THE MOTHER FUCKING DRAIN IF YOU BELIEVE THAT DOING ALL THIS WILL MAKE HIM WANT YOU!" I have never felt so enraged. I want to gouge her eyes out; I want to trample on her head until I see her brain matter splattered all over the walls.

"In case you haven't noticed darling, he hasn't shown up. He doesn't give a shit if you live or die. You know, each time we met up for lunch he told me how you didn't, you couldn't, and would never satisfy him. He fucked me so hard, I can still feel his balls slapping against my ass whenever he took me from behind" The self-satisfying smirk she has on her face makes me snarl in frustration.

"ALLYSON, WHEN WILL YOU REALISE THAT YOU WERE NOTHING MORE THAN A FEW WELTS AND A FUCK!" I try to grasp the words back when I see her eyes harden and glint dangerously.

"Anastasia, you will regret saying that" She a whisper's whilst walking across to me with a metal baton in her hand.

"I'm sorry okay, he loves you… he wants you! I can't satisfy him… just like you said. I'm sorry okay" I plead, praying that she accepts my words but she just smirks.

"Too late for sorry babe! I'll see you in hell!" I look up at her and regret it immediately. I just have enough time to squeeze my eyes shut as she brings the baton to my head with a deafening crack. Hovering on the edge of consciousness I feel her remove the rope from my arms, and throw me onto the stained mattress on the floor. I open my eyes and see the bat coming for me again, the crunch of bone shattering makes my gut lurch as my world shifts out of focus and blurs at the edges, I try to fight it, fight it with everything I have; but my struggle is futile. The blackness consumes me once again.

* * *

"We have the location Sir. Permission to speak freely?" Taylor states, his eyes are just as lifeless as are my own. I give him a simple nod, which is all I am capable of at this moment.

"You should stay here. We don't know what we're going to find once we go in and I am positive you will let your emotions and fears complicate the situation further"

"Every single thing that Ana has endured, every threat she has had to face was intended for me – yet it is she who suffers my consequences. I owe it to her, to do everything in my power to bring them home" I whisper, my voice cracking with the despair that is running through my blood like adrenalin.

"Okay sir, I have only one condition. You must allow me to do my job which is running this security team. They follow my orders and mine alone. Are we clear?"

"Crystal" I say quietly, praying that we get there in time.

"Good, Sir, let's get suited up. The team is ready and awaiting my instruction" I stand in the foyer, wearing my own bullet proof vest. My stomach is in a mass of knots and I feel like I am going to vomit. I have to do this; I have to draw some strength. I need to save my Anastasia, I have to save Olivia.

We pile into the SUV whilst Taylor issues instruction to the other guards; I don't recall their names because their names aren't important. All I want is for them to assist in the safe return of my wife and daughter. Eventually we pull up to an abandoned house; the place is falling apart I notice as we all file out of the car and await our instruction. Taylor suggests covert inspection. Quietly searching each room until we find Ana, or until we declare the house clear.

Taylor and the others have their weapons drawn as they stand to the left and right of the door. Another guy picks the lock and silently pushes open the door. Taylor guides me behind him and we enter the house. We creep around each room until we hear Olivia's cry. I try to break his iron hold, to rush through that door and comfort my wife and daughter but Taylor looks at me in annoyance and I stop struggling. He pushes the door open until a sliver of light dances into the hallway; we watch and we wait for the perfect moment to take her down.

Allyson paces the room with a wriggling Olivia in her arms, her gun firmly held in her the hand that's rubbing circles on her back.

"Mamammmam" Olivia's bottom lip juts out and tears stream down her chubby cheeks.

"Olivia, I am you're mother. For fuck sake stop SCREAMING!" My stomach free falls as she raises her hand and it swishes through the air, Just as we're about to rush through the door she lets her open palm fall limply to her side. She closes her eyes and tries to let the poison seep from her, but it's a lost cause. She's rotten to the very core.

Olivia is still crying after Allyson spends ten minutes pacing the floor and murmuring that we're going to be happy, we're going home to daddy. Taylor and I share a look that screams

'SHE'S CRAZY'

"You know what Olivia. You're going back in that crib until you can treat me with the proper respect. I am you're mother and I deserve some respect young lady!" She shakes her head and lowers her into the crib, finally pulling the safety rail and stepping away. She picks up a cat-o-nine and walks across to the other side of the room, the side we can't see.

"Oh my sweet Ana, waken up you dumb cock sucking whore!" I hear the whooshing of air before Ana's blood curdling scream resonates through the entire room.

"Please, stop. I am begging you" She whispers, breathless from the pain she is receiving in bucket loads. Taylor and I share a look and he nods… it's now or never.

Taylor counts to three and we both charge into the room. He flicks the gun out of her hand before wrapping his arm around her, the inside of his elbow touching the pale skin of her throat with the other hand on the back of her head. She struggles for a few moments then passes out. Whilst my focus is totally consumed by the battered, broken woman laying cold on the floor. Taylor takes some rope and secures Allyson's arms behind her back. Sitting her up and leaning her against the wall. I fall to my knee's beside Ana, pushing her hair –matted with her blood- and I kiss her forehead whilst my tears drip onto her blood covered skin. If I didn't know each and every plane of her face I wouldn't believe that this woman is my wife. She's been brutally beaten and it's all my fault. Taylor crouches beside Ana and uses his index and middle fingers to feel for her pulse.

_Please don't let her be dead, please don't take her from me please! _I'm not a religious man but I will pray, if it means she is alive I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life if he doesn't take her.

"She has a pulse. I'm calling it in Sir" I just nod, still holding Ana's bloodied hand in my own. Taylor steps away to make his phone call and I lay my lips to her forehead once more. I listen to her shallow, shuddering breaths and I fear the worst. She slowly opens her eyes, which are rolling back into her head as she gasps for breath.

"Ana, Ana baby it's me. You're safe Ana, you're both safe" He could swear he seen a smile on her face before she takes a deep, laboured breath as she raises her hand to caress his face. Pulling him towards her, he kisses her bruised, cut lips and all he feels is agonizing terror.

"Lo-ve m-my babie-s alw-ays. I… I –lo-ve y-you Ch-hrist-ian" Her eyes roll back.

"Ana, stay with me baby. Stay with me… I need you, our babies need you. Don't you fucking dare leave me Anastasia Grey. Shit, Help someone please help me!" I scream. I can't lose her, we need her, god I need her. I refuse to let her be taken away from me, from our family she must keep that fucking heart beating until help gets here.

Finally, after what feels like weeks, paramedics and police pile into the abandoned house. Taylor has to physically pull me from Ana when they tried to take over.

"She's breathing. We need to get her into the hospital!" They place an oxygen mask over her face and a neck collar to keep her still then strap her to the gurney and wheel her into the ambulance whilst I stand watching, covered in her blood. I turn to look at Allyson, still bound to the wall.

"She loved every fucking minute of it. I hope the bitch dies!" She sneers, venom and jealousy reeking from her pores.

"You are one fucked up bitch you know that! Did you really, honestly think that attempting to murder my wife and kidnap my daughter that I would come anywhere near you?" I ask in a deathly quiet, monotone voice.

"I didn't attempt it, I succeeded. She won't make it to the hospital – you should probably look out your black suit" She laughs, throwing her head back against the brick wall, again and again with deafening thuds which bring me some satisfaction. The cops pull her arms behind her and snap on a pair of cuffs before dragging her into the car. Taylor has Olivia in his arms and we both jump into the car. I call my mother and ask her to be waiting at the entrance for Ana. Barely a minute has passed since she left in that ambulance, and I am terrified to think that she may no longer be with us.

~o0o~

After what feels like an eternity we arrive at the hospital as Ana is wheeled down the corridor with a flurry of activity surrounding her. No matter what the situation is my mother is always cool, calm and collected and this is the first time I have ever seen her frozen, her eyes wide with shock as tears stream down her face with her hand clamped over her mouth. I run over to her as Ana is wheeled into AICU. I freeze when I hear a sustained note, and hear the words that crush my soul.

"_She's flat lining, we have no pulse, BP dropping, we're losing her"_ No, no, no, no, no! My hands pull at my hair as my heart pounds furiously.

"_Paddles, charge to 200… clear!"_

_"No change"_

_"Charge to 250… clear!" _No, no, no, this isn't happening. Please god this isn't happening. I look to my mom who has her eyes squeezed shut, tears still escaping the lids hold with her hand still clamped over her mouth to minimise the sobs wracking her delicate frame.

_"Charge to 300… clear!"_

_"You want to call it?" _No, no, no, no! You rat bastards – don't you dare call her time of death.

_"No, once more… charge to 350… clear!"_

_"We have a pulse, we need to intubate" _My heart is still hammering in my chest and I feel like I'm going to pass out, I want to be sick.

_"Let's get her to the OR!" _At that moment they push her stretcher out of the double doors, a young man straddling her hips with an oxygen pump attached to the tube inserted into her throat as they run with her down the corridor.

_Please come back to me baby, please… don't leave me here, I can't survive without you._

* * *

_Will she survive? What is going to happen from here? Tell me your thoughts …anti-climactic? I hope not… _; lol!_

_With much love and appreciation  
-Susie, xo_


	65. Chapter 65: Oh my Ella

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

_Song choice; 'The first time I saw your face' Celine Dion version. Also, Run by Leona Lewis._

_ Kleenex warning! I apologize for further salt loss._

* * *

~ 5th January ~

I am sitting in the family waiting room, everyone is here.

Grace, Carrick, Mia, Ethan, Kate, Lelliot.

We sit in silence, I hold Olivia tight to my chest, running my fingers through her barely-there curls at the back of her neck. Four long hours after finding her she is still dry sobbing.

"Mommmmma, DA! Mommma" I screw my eyes up tight as an involuntary sob leaves my chest unbidden. I can't breathe, it hurts to breathe, it hurts to remember – finding her like that, bruised, bloody and broken. Those images will haunt me for the rest of my existence.

"I know baby girl, I know. I want momma too!" I rest my cheek against Olivia's hair, rocking us both as we cry. I can't stand this limbo, I can't wait for the news that I am too terrified to hear. I see a flash forward of my life, my life empty and meaningless without her light, her beauty, her smart mouth. God I want to hear her voice so badly. I want her to wake me up from this nightmare.

_Help me!_

I can't help but wonder what was running through her mind as she was brutally tortured, did she want me, did she want me to hold her, did she want me to end her suffering, did she blame me? or did she just want to let go, to give up? Fuck!

I feel someone's hand take place on my shoulder and it gives me a delicate squeeze. I take a break from my hysteria to look up and see Kate standing, her lower lip quivering and her eyes spitting red from her tears.

"She has to be o-okay, she wo-won't leave us, she's to-too damn stubborn to even t-try!" I suddenly have an un-ignorable urge to pull her into my arms, to hold her close and comfort her.

_To feel close to Ana, that's why silly._

I stand up and wrap my free arm around her waist and pull her to my chest where she collapses, I struggle to keep my balance but I manage. I rock her from side to side. Slowly rubbing her back in circular motions.

"She-she can't- she can't. Ple-lease don't t-take her, I- I can't!"

"I know Kate, god I know! She'll make it, she'll pull through because she has to!" I say these words with strong sense of conviction that I don't feel.

"She loves you, she loves you so much! She needs you to be strong now more than ever"

"I know Kate, but I don't know if I can"

"You can and you will darling. Kate's right, Ana needs us to have faith and be strong."

It feels like days since I've seen her, since I've touched her. How did we get here? How did we go from passionate lovers to broken souls in the space of a few hours?

_It's your fault, you may have these other fuckers fooled but you can't fool me! There is only one reason that Ana is fighting for her life, alone on an operating table and it's YOU! You fucked Allyson, you started off a chain reaction and if she dies, your children lose their mother just like you did, what will they become?_

"I can't do this, I can't – I have to go" I get up to leave with Olivia in my arms when a man walks into the room wearing blue scrubs.

"Anastasia Grey?"

My mouth dries and my stomach twists painfully. Kate comes over and takes Olivia from my arms and I feel a small, soft hand slip into my own, giving me a gentle squeeze.

"Dr Ross, she's my son's wife. How is she?"

"Dr Trevelyan, sorry to be meeting under these circumstances" My mother nods her agreement and squeezes my hand once more. He focuses his attention on me, and I see sadness in his eyes.

_No, this isn't happening, she can't be dead. She can't be._

"Mr Grey, you're wife suffered several serious contusions to the head resulting in a hairline fracture of her skull, and cerebral swelling, which resulted in a small bleed on the brain. We've had to remove a small portion of her skull to allow the brain more room. Unfortunately this is not the only injuries she has sustained. Her left cheek bone is shattered, she has several bruised ribs, one which has a small fracture. She doesn't have an inch of skin that isn't bruised. During surgery, we lost her for a brief moment, she is still in critical condition but she's stable for now. She isn't out of the woods yet. We have her in a medically induced coma to keep her comfortable whilst we monitor the condition of her brain."

"Thank you Dr Ross" My mother whispers whilst trying to keep me upright. I caused this, if they knew – if Kate knew who done this, she'd kill me with her bare hands and right now… I would let her.

"Mr Grey, can I speak with you outside for a moment alone?" My head snaps up and I grip my mother's hand even tighter than before.

"A-anything you need to say… can be said in the presence of my fa-family" I turn to look at my mom, who nods her agreement.

"My son shouldn't be left alone to receive any information regarding Ana right now, I'm sure you can understand why" She whispers, focusing her gaze on the doctor.

"Very well then, Anastasia is approximately seven weeks pregnant. We've done a scan and by some sort of miracle that baby is fine. Her ob/gyn is coming by in the morning. She's getting settled in AICU, a nurse will come and fetch you when you can go through.

"Thank you again Bill"

"No problem Grace"

He turns around and leaves the room leaving all of us in stunned silence.

She's pregnant?

* * *

I open my eyes and find that the sun is kissing my skin; I'm warm, safe and loved.

_"Don't get too used to it; you're going back where you belong" _

My eyes scan the distance and I see no one, I look for the source of the voice but see nothing.

_"You can't see me, but I'm here, I've been with you since the day you were born; I knew that you could save him, with your light, your beauty. Don't give up on life my dear Anastasia_

"Are you?"

_"Yes sweetheart I am. I'm so sorry for your pain Ana, more than ever I am sorry for the pain my son caused you but he loves you more than he's ever, or will ever love anyone else"_

"Why? Why did you let him suffer? Why did you let that bastard hurt him?" I scream at the unseen woman who looks like me

_"I wish I had answers that would justify my actions. I was a rich little girl on the streets of Detroit, pregnant with nowhere to go. He took me in, kept me in food, clothes and warmth and the day after my Christian was born he called upon me to pay for his hospitality. I refused, I offered to leave, to get a job and pay him back and he just laughed. He forcefully injected me with drugs until I was hooked, what "other options did I have? I cannot justify what I allowed to go on, but in my death he was saved, I had one last thing I could do for him, so I did"_

"I'm afraid"

_"Sweetheart, why are you afraid?"_

"I'm afraid that I won't make it"

* * *

"Mr Grey" I jump up, my stomach twisted in knots as I stare wide eyed at the young nurse, I want to go with her, for her to take me to Ana yet I don't at the same time.

"It's okay darling, she needs you now more than ever before – bring her back to us Christian" I blink away my tears and slowly step forward as the nurse leads me down to the room Ana is fighting for her life in.

She opens the door and immediately I am thrust back to the day Anastasia walked into a hospital room much like this one, the day Ray had his accident. Right now Ray and Carla are in the air on their way to Seattle and Ana…

I hesitantly walk forward and the young nurse smiles reassuringly. I can't find the will to smile back. I keep walking forward until I see the love of my life lying in a mass of tubes, wires and machinery and my breath gets stuck in my throat. She's completely black and blue, her left eye is severely swollen and bruised, and every single part of her being screams one word: Pain.

I sit myself on the chair beside her bed and lift her left hand into my own, rubbing my thumb over her wedding and engagement rings, I gasp as I notice the residual blood that is trapped between the diamonds and the mount.

_Why her? Why? She's done nothing but love me from the moment she walked into my life and I've done nothing but brutally hurt her in return._

"B-baby, it's me – I'm here, Ana you have to come back to me please; I can't think, I can't breathe unless you're here with me. Everyone keeps telling me to be strong, yet you are who I draw my strength from. I don't understand Ana, how can you love me? How can you keep taking me into your heart when all I do is abuse the position? I… love you so much Ana, I can't lose you. Baby I am begging you to come back to me. I have something to tell you, Ana you have to come back because we're having another baby, you're pregnant Ana"

I spent the majority of the night holding her hand, talking to her, kissing her bruised, battered face – begging her to come back, not to leave me – our children need her, I need her. I need her so much.

I have never been so scared to sleep in my life, I'm terrified to close my eyes – for I know what will haunt my dreams. Her eyes, I'll have to endure seeing them roll back in her head over and over again. I have to keep awake, I can't sleep. But I can't fight it forever, so with a heavy heart I rest my head on her bed

* * *

"He won't survive this; it'll eat away at him until there's nothing left. I need to let him know that I'm not leaving, that I won't go down without a fight – Ella there has to be some way"

_"I've heard things, rumours – people who are trapped can communicate with the sleeping"_

"How? You have to tell me how?"

_"Anastasia I don't know, I've never been in trapped! I lived, and then I died – you are neither living nor dead! All I can tell you is to follow your heart. It'll lead the way"_

"Wait, It'll lead me to where? Ella? ELLA?"

I guess I am on my own now. I consciously think for a few minutes, _'follow your heart, it'll lead the way' _what the hell does that even mean? Shit! I need to get back to him; I can't stand this emptiness for another damn second.

* * *

I open my eyes, expecting to see Ana's bruised face in front of me, hearing the steady thrum of her heart monitor, the sucking and expelling of her ventilator but when I look around me I am faced with such beauty that I cannot begin to explain or describe it.

"Christian" Her voice floats to me like honey, warming my blood and has anxiety trembling in my stomach. I turn around and see her standing before me, wearing nothing but a soft white sun dress and a smile.

"Ana" I whisper as all breath leaves my body. She runs across to me and throws herself into my arms, gasping for air just as I am.

"I love you Christian – so much! She said to follow my heart…do you know where it led me?"

"Where baby?" I ask, staring into her sparkling baby blues and I can't help but smile looking at her perfect, unharmed face

"It led me straight here, it led me straight to you"

"Ana – I'm so, I'm sorry; what she done to you-"

"Shh… I don't have much time because you're going to wake up. Christian… please know that I will make my way back to you, I don't care how long it takes me but I need to tell you something, something that will keep you company on the worst of our days"

"What is it Ana. I need you so much, please come back to me?"

"I know, I'm sorry… I am trying but it's hard! I get so lost and confused – everything's… hazy"

"Ana" I gasp, tears flowing from my eyes, she pulls me into her arms and I feel her warm breath on my ear as she softly begins to sing

_Light up, light up,  
As if you have a choice,  
Even if you can't hear my voice,  
I'll be right beside you dear,  
Louder, Louder and we'll run for our lives,  
I can't hardly speak,  
I understand why you can't raise your voice to say_

_To think I might not see those eyes,  
Makes it so hard not to cry,  
And as we say our long goodbyes I nearly do_

"Know that I love you and I am making my way back to you I promise. Remember Christian that no matter what happens that I will always be right in here" She lays her palm over my heart as tears flood us both. She takes my face into her hands and pulls me so close that no air could pass between us; I feel her heart pounding in her chest as she gasps for breath. She moves closer and touches her lips to mine and never has a kiss felt this much desperation.

"Christian?" She says in between hot, hard kisses "Christian?" I rest my forehead against hers as she rubs her nose along mine.

"Christian… wake up!"

* * *

_I am so freaking emotional right now guys, it's not even funny! I chose 'The first time ever I saw you're face' because I though the melody fitted the beginning of the chapter, the fear, the burning need he had for Ana – then obviously run by Leona Lewis because the chorus and second verse fitted my plight. _

_I hope you guys enjoyed this, even if it's gotten a little weird and supernatural. Do you think Ana will make it? Will she find a way back to herself?_

_With much tears and sadness  
-Susie, xo_

_PS: I need to get a mother-fucking, less emotionally exhausting hobby. Seriously here's my first ever 100% my own quote:_

_'Writing is as masochistic as you can get!'  
- Susie, xo_


	66. Chapter 66: Broken

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

I sat bolt upright with a gasp. My hand still clasped around Ana's.

"Ana I love you. Please find your way back because I will be right here until you do. I'm never leaving this chair until you open those beautiful eyes and tell me you still love me, although I don't know how you could. I'm sorry for what she done, more than you'll ever know. I wanted to torture her the way she tortured you but that's what she wanted more than anything else. To goad me into beating her black and blue so I walked away" I stand up and kiss each and every bruise on her face, caressing them trying to heal them with the strength of my love.

I go out to the nurses' station but there is no one there. I press the bell and after waiting for a while a young nurse comes walking over to me.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like a basin of warm water, a soft wash cloth and a towel please" I murmur in a horrified whisper

"What for?" She asks, confusion evident on her features

"My wife, Anastasia – they haven't cleaned her up, there's blood all over her and I want to clean her up" My voice thick with emotion, my eyes tearing up and I lean my head back and blink to avoid having them track down my cheeks in front of this young woman.

"I can give Mrs Grey a bed bath if you'd pre-"

"No. I'm her husband, I'll do it" I state with certainty.

"That's very sweet of you Mr Grey, your wife is lucky to have a husband who wants to take care of her. If you go back to her room I'll bring you what you need" She responds with an emotional smile.

_If only she knew how wrong she is… huh Grey?_

I take my seat and hold Ana's hand, lifting it to my lips that graze each knuckle in turn.

"It's okay baby, I'm here and I'm going to take care of you until the day I die" I lay my lips on her forehead and brush her cheek with my knuckles. A few moments later the young nurse comes in with what I need.

"Here you are Mr Grey, if you need any help just give me a shout okay?" Out of the corner of my eyes I see her place the basin of water on the bed table, along with the wash cloth and towel.

"I'll be fine but thank you anyway" I say without tearing my gaze from Ana's face. Once she leaves I get the table and wheel it over beside me, I soak the cotton cloth in the water then wring it out. As carefully as I can, I tend to every scrape, every cut and every bruise on her body, tears streaming from me the entire time.

"Christian… son, are you alright?" I don't look up, I just keep washing Ana's thigh. How anyone can be so brutally vicious… I'll never know.

"No, I'm not alright mom… how can I be when I am solely responsible for every wound she has?" I say, the pain I feel evident in my shaking, trembling voice.

"Darling, you can't blame yourself – did you lay a hand on her, did you cause a single injury?"

"No, bu-"

"But nothing. You didn't do this, the person responsible has been caught and charged with attempted murder Christian – that person isn't you"

"No it might not have been me who tortured her, but I was the cause just the same. Do you want to know who did this to her?" I ask, anger seeping through my pores.

"Who?" Grace asks, I finally tear my gaze from Ana and look into the worried eyes of my mother.

"The woman I had an affair with, she kidnapped my wife and daughter, she tortured my wife and has emotionally scarred my one year old daughter for life. Now tell me it isn't my fault, now tell me that I didn't start the chain reaction that led to these events – you cannot hate me any more than I hate myself. If she ever wakes up, the scars will run much deeper than her skin mother; she won't want anything to do with me because it was my fault this happened! Do you want to know the last words she said to me when I called her, when I called her simply to yell and scream at her to hurry the fuck up and get home for the party?"

"What were they Christian?" Grace asks, her voice a faint whisper in my ear

"I was such an asshole to her, and the last words she might… might ever say to me were 'You know what Christian… fuck you' then she was taken and in my head I was preparing myself to walk into our apartment and see her fucking Luke Sawyer; why does she love me, why does she even bother breathing the same air as me?"

"Ana please, please don't leave me" I lay head against her arm and sob. I have this burning pain, right down deep in my gut that even if she somehow manages to pull through this, that she's going to want nothing more to do with me.

"Shhh, Christian – Ana… Ana loves you so much, she isn't going to care about what happened to her, or who it was that hurt her. All she is going to remember is that you saved her, that you found her and Olivia before it was too late"

"We don't know that I got there before it was 'too late' mom, she might never wake up – what am I supposed to say to Teddy and Gracie? How do I begin to prepare them for what might happen?" Grace wraps her arms around me and holds me close to her, giving me comfort that I don't deserve "Christian, there's no point in thinking any of this until they bring her out of the coma" I nod, my face pressed into her shoulder, my tears staining her silk blouse.

_Please god, you've already taken my mother, don't take my children's!_

Grace sits with us for a while, holding onto my hand and rhythmically stroking her thumb over the back of my hand, the way only a mother can.

_Will Teddy, Gracie and Olivia ever have that again?_

Grace looks at her watch a while later and slowly stands

"Christian, I don't even know why I am saying this but I have to just the same. Ana doesn't need you to run yourself into the ground, please go home, eat and get some rest, please?" The look I give her must say everything for me because she cups my cheek and gives me a small smile "I know, but I had to try" She kisses my cheek then leans over and places a kiss on Ana's forehead.

"I'll see you later, try and at least get some rest whilst you're here. I'll get another bed brought in here for you" With that, she leaves the room before I can protest. It's not like I'll get any sleep anyway.

* * *

_Three long weeks later  
Musical Interlude: Angel by Sarah McLachlan.  
Listen whilst you read if you need a good cry!  
_*****! MAJOR KLEENEX WARNING !*****

* * *

I am sitting in my car, damn terrified to go inside, terrified to say these words aloud; which just makes it too much to bear but it must be done. I have no other choice.

I look at my driveway and see everyone's cars. Somehow I manage to summon the strength to open the door and step outside. I eventually make it to the porch but I stop when I reach the front door. How in the hell am I going to get through this conversation? How am I supposed to explain to a nine year old boy and his three year old sister? I take a few deep breaths and walk into the house. I hear voices from the family room and when I walk in, everyone is waiting on me with a sorrowful expressions that mirror my own.

Teddy is sitting between Ray and Carla, Gracie is sitting on Carla's knee talking about some nonsense, right now I wish I had her innocence – she's so much like Anastasia; Beautiful and stubborn – I have to suppress my chuckle as right now it isn't appropriate. Grace is sitting beside Carrick and is clasping onto his hand so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. Elliot and Kate are holding onto each other as are Mia and Ethan. I already, have a lump in my throat and my eyes are tearing up even though I would have sworn I had no more left to shed.

"Dad?" I hear Teddy's voice shake as he looked up at me, his big blue eyes glistening with tears –Ana's eyes replicated completely, down to the icy baby blue flecks around the iris– which causes a heavy sob to escape my chest and in an instant Teddy was wrapping his arms around my neck and crying himself. It took two weeks for Ana's facial bruising to clear up so that Teddy could visit her. He was terrified, but my brave son pushed his fears down and took a hold of his mother's hand and softly kissed the back, whispering that he loved and missed her very much.

I pick him up and he locks his legs around my waist and knits his hands together at the back of my neck as I walk towards the sofa, and take a seat, perching on the edge so that Teddy would remain in the same position so I could look into his eyes – Ana's eyes.

"Teddy, remember when great grandpa Theo went away with the Angels?" He solemnly nods his head as some more tears slip down his cheeks and I wipe them away with a kiss whilst running my hand through his copper locks.

"Grandpa Theo was sick, and no matter what medicine the doctor gave him, he was still sick – so an Angel came down from Heaven and told him that in Heaven there is a cure for every kind of illness; big or small. So Grandpa Theo asked if he could have some of this special medicine that would make him better and take away the pain he felt due to his illness and the Angel said yes, and also told him that if he wanted the medicine, that he'd have to go away with the Angel, and he wouldn't come back once he got to heaven"

"How come he wouldn't come back?"

"He was so sick that he decided to go with the Angel to take away his pain and when he got to heaven, it was so beautiful and warm all of the family members who had also gone to heaven were right there with him. His sickness was taken away and he was at peace. But do you know what Teddy?"

"Grandpa Theo will always be with us, right in here…" I lay my hand over his heart and kiss his forehead. "He'll always be in our hearts and our minds"

"Mo-Mommy is really sick too, isn't she?" I feel my eyes starting to nip, forcing my tear ducts to take action. "Yeah buddy, mommy's really sick" Teddy tucked his face into my neck and quietly sobbed which portrayed the depth of our collective pain and grief completely.

"Why didn't Grandpa Theo want to leave Heaven?"

"Because as soon as he got there, he felt so much better. He would always be able to watch over our family, and guide us when we need help, he always will son."

"Will the angel vis-it mo-mmy too? I- I don't wan-t mommy to go to hea-ven daddy! I'd – I'd miss her to-too much!" He shakes his head, his eyes puffy and red; god this is killing me, slowly and painfully.

"Oh my sweet baby boy, I don't want mommy to go either but if mommy is ever in too much pain – wouldn't you want her to get better? Even if it meant she had to go away?" I wipe away his tears with my thumb and rocked him from side to side against my chest like I used to when he was a baby. Jesus this hurt – I never want to lose Ana, and even though I know that she's trying to get back to me, I have to prepare my son for the possible death of his mother.

"Yeah daddy – if she was hurt I'd wan-t her to go to Heaven and get better, even if it hurts us badly when we say go-goodby-e"

Please Anastasia – wake up. I need you, we all do.

I look around the room and see everyone wiping their eyes and sniffling into handkerchiefs. This is so heartbreakingly tragic – I know from experience how badly the shock of your mother dying can affect you as you grow up – I won't let that happen to Teddy. Never.

_"I'm right here Christian, I'm always with you – I am fighting so much harder and the haze is beginning to lift. I need you to be my strength; it's your soul, your energy that is giving me the strength to pull myself out of here. I swear, it won't be much longer now – I can feel it. I love you baby and remember that even though you can't see me, I'm right by your side, with my arms embracing you, giving you the power and the will to keep going"_

Suddenly I feel like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders and for the first time since all this shit happened; I feel a ray of pure hope, I can taste it as if it were on my tongue. I have to stay strong – Ana needs me to be strong and for her, I will be. Always.

_'I will forever be your more'_

* * *

_I hope I explained the possible passing of Ana in an appropriate manner. I lost my own father when I was five, and that's how my mother explained my father's passing to me._

_I hope you guys have enjoyed this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it, and will continue writing it as long as you lot enjoy reading it._

_With love  
- Susie, xo_


	67. Chapter 67: The light

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

Three damn weeks I have pushed, fought, screamed and cried trying to find a way out of here. For three agonizing weeks I have watched and listened to Christian falling apart, our families losing more hope by the day. What they don't realise, is that their 'hope' is the only thing giving me the energy to keep fighting. When their hope dies, so do I.

The worst part of all was watching Christian prepare our son for my death, that was four days ago and I have begged someone to help me, I've yelled and screamed and no one seems to be paying any attention here, wherever 'here' actually is. I'm starting to think I'm in hell, forced to exist for all of eternity watching Christian close himself off bit by bit. I need him so much; he's the only one who still has some hope, some light surrounding him – keeping my heart and soul tied to his own, but it's not enough. I feel so tired; the light that used to be dull just over the horizon is now blindingly bright, calling me.

I don't want to leave him, I can't bear to see him cry each and every night, I can't bear to watch him hold my hand, tell me how beautiful I am, worst of all is the begging and pleading me to come back to him. It's slowly destroying me with sadness and making my heart ache – maybe it's better if I just let go, let him mourn me properly. I'm not the only one who's stuck in between life and death, Christian may be alive but he certainly isn't living and I don't want this for him anymore, I love him too much to put him through this each and every day. My strength is dissipating so quickly and I don't think I have the enough to make it into that light.

Tears run in thick rivets down my face as I take the first step towards death, then the second and the third. I'll always be with him, watching over him, making sure Teddy, Gracie and Olivia are alright and happy. Soul destroying sobs wrench me as I watch Christian's hands fly into his hair as the machines by my bed start going crazy.

"Don't you dare fucking leave me Ana, you promised, you promised you weren't going to leave me! PLEASE, FIGHT! DON'T LEAVE, ANA BABY, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"

"I love you Christian Grey, I always will" I whisper as he blurs from my view and I continue my walk towards the light

_"Miss Kavanagh, I'm Christian Grey. Are you all right? Would you like to sit?" _I snort as I remember falling into his office, then suddenly I gasp in wonder as I watch the memories, our memories play out all around and my tears fall harder than before as the first words Christian ever spoke to me on all fours at the threshold of his office door.

_"I like to exercise control in all things Miss Steele" _I watch him, his finger trailing across his bottom lip, everything playing out, projecting all around me from within the vaults of my mind. I knew I was in love with him, maybe even then.

_"I'll take some coveralls. Heaven forbid I should ruin any clothing"_ I laugh through my sobs at my facial expression; I was so embarrassed and nervous around him back in the beginning.

_"Fuck the paperwork" _I can't help but smile at the first time his lips touched my own, the memory is so potent that I actually feel his rough kiss, just as I did back then, his teeth nibbling my bottom lip, his sharp husky growl.

_ "I don't make love, I fuck hard" _Although he shocked me, and terrified me with that blatantly sexual statement, I'd never wanted him more than I did at that moment.

_"Forget about the rules. Forget about all those details for tonight. I want you. I've wanted you since you fell into my office, and I know you want me. You wouldn't be sitting here calmly discussing punishment and hard limits if you didn't. Please, Ana, spend the night with me" _My breath hitches in my throat, just as it did that very night all those years ago.

_"You are one brave young woman. I am in awe of you"_

_"I want to bite this lip, hard"_

_"Please Ana, let me make love to you" _I smile as I look up into his grey eyes and in a breathless whisper I say "_yes"_

_"Show me how you pleasure yourself." _I blush red to my roots "_Don't be coy, Ana, Show me."_

_1o_ I will miss him so much, but we'll be together again eventually. I hope he finds love again, someone who will heal the wounds my death will inflict on his already broken heart. I want someone who will love him and our children as much as I do, as much as I always will, no matter what. A tortured sob escapes my chest as I watch thousands of our moments play before me and all around me. It's funny, they say you see your whole life play out just before you die, but mine just started the day I met Christian, my life started and has ended with him. Why did this have to happen? We were happy again; it isn't fair for everything to be ripped from him just as he managed to get it all back. I sob at the thought of never touching him again, of never kissing him or holding him and the children ever again and refocus my attention back to what's happening around me.

_"Why don't you like to be touched?" _I asked in my innocence, never imagining how horrific his childhood had been._ "Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up, that's why"_

_"I still want more" _I watch myself say in a whisper "_I know, I'll try. For you Anastasia, I will try"_

_"I know what you feel for me, you love me"_ I say in the shower with him as he stands before me._ "Yes, I do" _That morning in the shower at the Fairmont was the first time he admitted his love for me, even though he didn't actually say the official three words, he admitted it just the same and it meant everything to me, I was so happy.

_"My world was ordered, calm, and controlled, then you came into my life with your smart mouth, your innocence, your beauty, and your quiet temerity ...and everything before you was just dull, empty, mediocre ...it was nothing" _I smile through my sadness as I watch our life together, our history and our love for each other grow.

"I just _want to bury myself in you and just forget everything but us."_ My heart is breaking but I keep walking towards the light. I am determined that I will not make him suffer, slowly giving up on life as he cries by my bedside. No I can't, I won't keep torturing him like this. It's not fair to him, to anyone.

_"Do you know what you mean to me? If something happened to you, because of me..." _I know, without a doubt that he will blame himself for my death. If there is one thing I can do for him from up here, then damn it I will find it, I will find a way to absolve him of this guilt he is carrying around. He didn't do this, she did.

_"This is me, Ana. All of me...and I'm all yours. What do I have to do to make you realize that? To make you see that I want you any way I can get you. That I love you." _And he did, over and over again, he made me feel and see his love, his need for me. I've failed him.

"_Anastasia Steele, I love you. I want to love, cherish and protect you for the rest of my life. Be mine. Always. Share my life with me. Marry me" _His romantic proposal in the boathouse was the best day of my life, knowing that we'd be together 'Till death do us part; and we were.

I finally reach the light and I take a deep breath, looking behind me I see Christian being bodily carried from the room screaming, kicking and fighting until Grace takes his face between her hands as she cries, murmuring to him

_"I know darling, but she's gone, she's gone"_ He collapses in her arms and she slides to the floor with his full weight in her arms and he sobs, gut wrenching, soul destroying sadness. This is for the best, he needs to move on and staying here, in between life and death only serves to destroy him more.

"I will always love you Christian Trevelyan-Grey, I'll be waiting on you with open arms" I turn to face the light once more and cross the threshold between the living and the dead.

* * *

I feel like I've been freefalling for a long time, eventually I land with a harsh thud on my behind

_Well, at least you had a cushion for impact; it's big enough!_

"You have got to be freaking kidding me? Even in death I can't escape your snarky self?"

_Nope! _She says, popping the 'P' I will just have to ignore her.

"Oh Anastasia, I knew you could do it. Ella didn't think you'd be able to, but I knew" A tall handsome man wraps me in his arms and I immediately know who he is. My voice catches in my throat as yet more tears fall.

"Daddy?" I whisper, incredulous that I am finally meeting my biological father, after all this time and he looks just as he did in the photographs.

"Yes baby, I love you so much my sweet Anastasia" My mind can barely string two syllables together but eventually I kick start it.

"What did you mean; you knew I could do it?" I ask as I pull away from his chest and Ella walks towards us, she's beautiful. He looks so much like her and he just doesn't know it – the light that twinkles in his eyes whenever he's happy or excited comes from his mother, Ella.

"Anastasia, sweetheart, neither you're father nor I have ever been trapped between life or death but we knew that there was only one way out yet we weren't allowed to help you or guide you. You had to do this alone and for that we are so sorry" She looks up at my father who is still holding his arm around my waist, looking at me with such pride and love.

"When you are trapped, you are forced to see your loved ones grief first hand – watching them watch you, listening to them praying for your return is horrific and there is only one way out. You have to put them first, you have to decide to spare them more pain and you did. I've witnessed and felt you're love for my son first hand and I was doubtful that you would find the courage to leave him because you love him so" My mind is racing as I try to understand the implication of her words, I try to push it down because I watched myself die, I watched Christian's grief over my death.

"I don't understand?" I look from my dad to Ella and back again as they both smile at me lovingly, Ella looks to my dad and he gives her a subtle nod and she gives me a breath-taking smile that I can't help but return.

"To go home, to get back to Christian, to get back to the living you had to put his future, his pain before your own. You see, to get back to the living you have to make the greatest sacrifice Anastasia. I know how much pain and courage it took for you to let go, to end Christian's suffering you chose to put him first and in doing so, you earned the right to go back home"

"Wait, I get to go back to Christian? To our children, to our life together?"

"Yes princess, you get to go home because you were willing to die, for your families happiness, you were willing to die so that they wouldn't have to suffer watching your body alive, but lifeless" He wraps his arms around me, and kisses my forehead.

"I love you baby girl, Ella and I, along with all our other relatives are always watching over your family. Never forget that"

"Will I remember any of this when I wake up? I don't want to forget?"

"Then you won't sweetheart. Will you do me one favour?" Ella asks as she cups my face in her warm hands and kisses my forehead.

"Anything" I breathe, as her thumbs caress my cheeks.

"Tell Christian that I loved him. That I'm sorry he suffered, the last gift I could give him to get him away from that awful man was to end my own life – but I never imagined that he'd be alone with me for four days. I was with him through it all, I never left. Tell him that I'm sorry, and that I will always love him"

"I will" I whisper, a few tears slipping down Ella's face as I wipe them away with my knuckles. "He loves you too Ella, he always has" She nods her agreement and smiles at me once more.

"Are you ready baby girl?"

"Yes" I whisper.

"Lay down, and close your eyes" He says as he helps me lay flat on the soft grass. He and Ella kneel at each side of me and hold each of my hands.

"Close your eyes sweetheart" Ella encourages, I look up at them both, committing their faces to memory, forcing myself to remember every single moment I spent here with them, and when I was trapped. I smile one last time and close my eyes.

"Remember that I love you princess, Ella and I both love you and Christian so much. We love the kids too, Gracie will be a handful, just thought I should warn you" He and Ella chuckle and I can't help but join in.

"We'll love this one just the same" Ella says as she lays her hand upon my stomach.

"Go to sleep baby girl"

"I'm afraid daddy, please don't leave me here alone"

"We're right here with you Ana, we won't leave… right Ella?"

"You're dad's right Sweetheart. We won't leave; we'll stay with you 'till the very end. We promise." I take a deep breath and concentrate on their hands holding my own and for the first time in three weeks, and four days, I feel my body relax as Ella rhythmically strokes her fingers through my hair in a very motherly gesture. Frank kisses my forehead and whispers: "I love you princess" and I fall into a contented sleep. I'm coming home to you Christian, I'm coming home.

* * *

_I hope you guys are still enjoying things. Next Chapter is Christian's POV when the machines go nuts and she dies, but obviously she doesn't but he doesn't know that. If you enjoyed this chapter and have some time then leave me a review XD_

_W/L  
-Susie, xo_


	68. Chapter 68: Her true blue eyes

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

**_Kleenex Warning!  
_**_Musical interlude: The First time ever I saw your face by Celine Dion  
(because of the sombre melody of the song)_

* * *

I'm sitting with Ana, reading Jane Eyre to her in a soft calming voice. I've been reading to her for a few days now and I hope she can hear me, I hope that she's okay and that she's coming home to me soon but as each day as the sun rises and sets my hope slowly dissipates. I close the book and take her hand in my own.

"Anastasia, you are the only woman that can make me read this awful and totally boring book" I chuckle quietly, in reality it's a mirthless laugh, its empty just like I am. I keep hoping and praying for Ana's return. I need her to survive. I cannot live in a world where she doesn't exist.

"You know you are the most beautiful woman in the entire world and I love you so much. I swear Ana – I'm not leaving here until I see those gorgeous eyes open. I'm just going to go get the stuff for your bath baby, I'll be back soon." I kiss her forehead and brush my knuckles over her cheek and head into the bathroom to fill the basin with water, and washcloth.

"You know Ana, it'll be great when you wake up and I don't have to do this anymore. I know you've often called me a pervert but this… this is just dangerous territory"

I wash her all over and then dry her off before giving her a chaste kiss on the lips. The awful bruises have almost healed and all that's left on her perfect skin is fading yellow and brown bruising. I quickly empty the basin in the bathroom and sit back down at her bedside, holding her hand and playing with her wedding rings.

"Damn it Ana, just wake up – please? I love you and I need you here with me, I can't live without you" I wipe away my tears with my other hand as I stroke the back of Ana's hand with my thumb. I'm just dosing off when all the machines that keep her tied to me, to the living start going crazy.

No.

My hands automatically fly into my hair as I cry, this isn't happening. No. It can't, she promised, she fucking promised she wouldn't leave.

"Don't you dare fucking leave me Ana, you promised, you promised you weren't going to leave me! PLEASE, FIGHT! DON'T LEAVE, ANA BABY, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" A team of doctors and nurses run into the room and surround Ana, I'm still holding onto her hand sobbing. She can't leave me, I need her – our babies need her, our unborn child needs her.

"Someone get him out of here" One of the doctors yell and try to get me to leave the room but I refuse. The next thing I know is Taylor has his arms locked tight around my waist and is forcibly pulling me from the room. I kick out and scream for him to let me go but he refuses.

"ANA, STAY WITH ME PLEASE, I NEED YOU, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP HER… pl-plea-se?" Grace looks at me, I don't know how much time passes but she focuses her attention to the doorway of Ana's private room and the doctor who was working furiously on Ana as I was dragged out of the room shakes his head.

"I'm so sorry" He says as he stares from my mother's frozen eyes to my own. No, he's lying. She wouldn't leave me. She wouldn't.

"No she isn't. She wouldn't leave me. She promised" I look to my mother as I start to cry… hard.

"I can't live without her mom, I can't" Grace comes over to me and cups my face in her hands, tears streaming from her eyes and falling onto her reddened cheeks

"I know darling, but she's gone, she's g-gone" My legs give out under me and I fall into my mother's embrace and together we sink to the floor. The pain is indescribable, I can't speak, I can't think. She's gone and it's all my fault. It should have been me, Anastasia done nothing to deserve this.

"Oh god, the baby, the babies gone too. I-I I've lo-lost every-thing! What am I g-going t-to tell Ted? Grac-ie? How d-do I tell them that their mom's g-gone and it's my f-fault!"

"Shh, baby it'll be alright – the kids need you to be strong Christian. You'll get through this because they need you, they've already l-lost one pa-parent, and they cannot lose another. Do you hear me?"

"Christian?" My mom's tearful gentle voice penetrates my hysteria.

I numbly nod; I shut down each and every emotion that I am feeling. I lock it up tight. I'm calm and in control. I can stop this pain, I have to remain detached. I can't feel anything and that's the only way I can survive this.

"Grace, we need you in here - now!"

* * *

"Grace, we need you in here - now!" Christian is still curled up around me as I notice Dr Ross come to the doorway of Ana's private room. His face is pale and his eyes are confused.

"Christian, sweetie – I have to go and see what's going on okay? I'll be right back" He doesn't make any movement other than moving out of my embrace. I know he's shutting himself down, locking his heart away so he can't get hurt again. The last time I seen him like this was the night I treated him at the hospital as a little boy; he was like this for two whole years until Mia got him talking again. He can't do this, Teddy and Grace need him to be strong, and they need their father.

I get up off the floor and head into the room where my daughter… just died and I don't know if I can handle seeing her lifeless body, knowing that my grandchildren no longer have their mother is just too much to bare.

"Dr Ross, I don't thi-nk I can go in there" My chin quivers as more tears fall from my eyes and he grabs my hand pulling me into the room. I gasp as I look towards the heart monitor, which is bleeping steady.

"What's going on?" I ask incredulously.

"Grace, I honestly don't know. I used the defibrillator on her three times and got no response. I called time of death, then I let you know she hadn't made it. We started to remove the wires for the ECG monitor when her heart just restarted. Grace, she was dead for over a minute then her heart just started beating" I walk over to Ana's bedside and kiss her forehead.

"Thank you darling girl, you keep fighting. Don't give up on life Ana; he needs you now more than ever. When he thought you were gone… he was more than devastated." I wipe my eyes and happen to look down at Ana's face, a single tear escaping her closed eyes. I catch it with my knuckle as a sob leaves my chest.

"You keep fighting, we'll be here waiting on you darling" I head back out into the hall; Christian is still sitting where I left him, staring straight through me with lifeless eyes. I drop to my knees in front of him and take his face in my hands once more, stroking my thumbs under his eyes, brushing away the endless tears that are falling.

_Thank you Ana, just stay with us, he needs you._

* * *

My mom gets up and pauses outside Ana's room, like she can't bear to go in there to see Ana's lifeless body. Shit, this hurts so bad and I keep trying to block out the pain, I keep trying to shut down but it's not working. On the outside it looks like it has but I still feel my heart ache with every single beat. It should be me who is lying lifeless not Anastasia.

_Why did you have to take her? You bastard, you took my mom and now you've taken her from our children, what have I done to make you hate me so much?_

I keep staring towards her room door, I still feel her pull, calling me towards her but I can't go in there. I'll lose it. A few moments later my mom appears at the doorway and I see hope kindle in her eyes. She walks over and kneels before me, clasping my hand in her own, and uses the other to wipe away my tears

"Christian, darling… I don't know how this happened but it seems that our Ana isn't going down without a fight. Her heart stopped beating for well over a minute and just as Dr Ross was removing the heart monitor her heart just restarted all on its own. She needs you by her side Christian" I'm so confused, I have no clue what my mom is even talking about, I saw the machines, I heard them call time of death. Ana is gone.

"I don't understand, I heard them call time of death?" I ask, looking up into my mother's eyes and she smiles, then kisses my forehead.

"I know darling, I don't understand it either but Ana's still with us" She stands up and reaches out for my hand and uncertainly clasp it in my own as I rise to my feet as Grace leads me back to Ana.

I look over at her small frame in the hospital bed and the thrumming of the heart monitor is like music to my ears.

_She's not dead, she's here. Thank god, oh thank god._

I rush straight over to her bedside and take her hand, I brush her hair away from her face and kiss her forehead over and over again whilst I cry.

"Oh Ana, don't you ever scare me like that again. I thought – I thought you were gone. I thought you were gone" I whisper against her skin, stroking her hand with my thumb. After around ten minutes I step back and I notice a steady stream of tears falling from Ana's closed eyes.

"Shh, baby I'm right here. I'm not leaving for a moment. I'm right here."

"Christian, darling – I'm going to go home to the children, you stay here with Ana"

"Thanks mom, I love you" I wrap my free arm around my mom's waist and she rests her cheek on my hair"

"I love you too"

"Give the kids a kiss from me okay. Tell them that I love them, and I'll see them soon" She nods her agreement then gives Ana a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room and closes the door. I release a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. I am emotionally and physically exhausted and I need some sleep. I keep a hold of Ana's hand in my own and rest my tired head on her bedside, paying careful attention not to snag any of the tubes or wires that are keeping Ana alive right now.

"I love you baby, god Ana I miss you so much. I'd give everything I own to hear your giggle right now" I kiss the back of her hand before closing my eyes and drift into a very light sleep.

**~o0o~**

I have no idea how long I have been asleep, but I waken groggy and sad, like every single day for the last three weeks. I rub my palms over my face and stretch in my uncomfortable chair. I have never been so scared as I was when Ana flat lined, I thought that I'd lost her for sure. What happened is nothing short of a miracle and I thank whoever is responsible for Ana's survival, although we aren't out of the woods yet.

I look up at Ana's beautiful face and I notice that her blue eyes are staring back at me.

What?

Tears running from the corner of her open eyes and disappearing into her luscious hair

"Ana?" I whisper, using my knuckles to catch her tears.

_Please let this be real. Please let this be real._

"Oh god, baby you're awake. You're here. Thank you Ana. Oh god, I thought you were gone. I thought I'd lost you forever." I kiss her lightly on her forehead and wipe my eyes. I press the button to call the nurse, and then decide to go out and let them know that she's awake.

"SHE'S AWAKE" I shout from the doorway as a few doctors come rushing towards us. I can't believe this is happening.

_Whoever you are, whoever has helped her – helped us… thank you._

I move out of the way and lean back against the wall at the foot of her bed as the doctors start to examine her. She must be in agony. Oh no, what if she doesn't want me any more – it's my fault that she's in this mess, in pain. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to push down the fear, at least for the moment.

I can't begin to describe the feelings that passed through me when Ana's blue eyes met my own, an hour later the doctors have finally removed the breathing tube from her throat and I can hear the rasping of her damaged vocal chords which sounds so painful and my throat starts itching for her in sympathy.

"Can you tell me your name please?" Dr Ross asks her whilst shining his pen light in Ana's eyes, watching her pupils dilate.

"Anastasia Rose Grey" Ana rasps, and I throw up a silent thanks to the great gods above. It would have been beyond torture for her to forget our life together.

"What year is it Anastasia?"

"2021" Ana replies. Dr Ross continues his thorough examination, asking countless questions but stops when Ana begins to look tired.

"Anastasia, I'll get the nurse to come with some pain relief, and I recommend getting some sleep" He turns around and shakes my hand before leaving the room and softly closing the door. I'm still leaning against the wall when our eyes meet and Ana starts to cry.

"Baby, are you in pain? What do you need sweetheart? I say as I reach her in less than a heartbeat, clasping her hand in my own before raising it to my lips.

"I – I love you so much" I chuckle in relief as I lay a kiss on her forehead

"I love you more baby. Speaking of babies…" Ana smirks at me and lays her own hand upon her slightly raised stomach. Wait?

"How – how do you know?"

"I know this sounds crazy… maybe I am crazy but I've been with you every second I spent asleep. I heard every word you said, watched every tear you cried and I cried right along with you. I didn't think I was ever going to get back to you, to our family. I just love you more than I ever thought possible."

"Shh… baby it's alright. None of that matters, all that does matter is you're here with me, and I love you so much"

"Christian…?"

"What baby?"

"Kiss me" She whispers, her throat still rasping, it's kind of sexy. I place my palms flat on the mattress and leave a chaste, soft kiss against Ana's pouty soft lips. I'm just about to step back when her tongue darts out and traces my lips and I gasp, giving her tongue the access it craves. Her soft, sweet lips mould around mine as she deepens the kiss which I allow for a little while then I pull back and rest my forehead against hers.

"Baby, you have no idea how much I want you but we can't because you're still ill and in pain. You have so many injuries Ana" I add, my voice taking a sombre tone as I finish my sentence, guilt flooding through my veins as I think of all the harm Allyson inflicted on her.

"Christian, stop. This wasn't you're fault – it was Allyson's. She was the one who physically beat me Christian, not you. Please believe me when I say that this wasn't your fault" She whispers as her eyes begin to glisten with her tears.

"If I hadn't met her at that restaurant, if I hadn't gone to her apartment, if I hadn't cheated this wouldn't have happened. Surely you see that Ana?" I ask, my voice cracking with the strain of what I am saying, what I am admitting to.

"Christian, If I had remembered the birthday cake, I wouldn't have gone into the city, I wouldn't have gone to Escala and Luke wouldn't be dead" She says in a painful whisper with tears falling down her perfect cheeks. I stroke my fingers through her hair and kiss her forehead once more.

"Luke's alright sweetheart. He made it, and he's recovering slowly. He's blaming himself for what happened and I think it'll be good for him to talk to you."" I say with pain in my eyes.

Luke really does blame himself for not protecting Ana and I've tried to tell him that it's okay and he done the best he could but he won't listen. I watch Ana's reaction to my words and she exhales a breath she didn't know she was holding and has an expression that screams relief.

A nurse comes walking into the room with a plastic up and a glass of water with a straw.

"Glad to see you awake Mrs Grey. My name is Jen and I'll be looking after you whilst you are here in AICU – you'll probably be moved into a recovery ward tomorrow. I have some pain relief for you" Ana smiles back at the nurse and takes her pills and then she takes a sip of water via the straw that nurse Jen holds to her pouty lips.

"Please, call me Ana" She rasps back at the young nurse.

"Are you needing anything else Ana, or any questions?" I think for a few moments, trying to come up with any questions.

"When will I be able to get up and walk around? When will I be able to go home?" Ana asks and I chuckle. She's already trying to make her escape from the hospital.

"Well, your body has gone through intense trauma, and because you have been in a coma for three weeks you'll have to attend physiotherapy to regain strength in your muscles. As for when you'll be going home… well I don't know. You need time to recover Ana and I'm sure that Dr Ross will discharge you when the time is right." The nurse takes Ana's temperature, pulse and blood pressure and makes some notes in her chart before leaving the room and closing the door.

"Ana, don't worry – everything will be fine. I'm just going to call the family and tell them that you're awake. Are you up for some visitor's tomorrow baby?"

"Yes, especially the kids – how is Olivia Christian? Is she alright or is she…" She is unable to finish that sentence.

"She misses her momma, she cries for you all the time Ana. Once she sees you I doubt we'll be able to pry her pudgy hands from you ever again."

I pull out my blackberry as I leave the room, standing in the hallway whilst I call my parents who are staying at our home to be closer to the children whilst this is all going on. After a few short rings my mother answers the phone.

"Hello, Grace speaking."

"Hi mom – Ana's awake, I fell asleep beside her bed and when I woke up she was there with her eyes wide open"

"Th-that's absolutely wonderful darling. How is she?"

"She's doing alright; it seems that her memory hasn't been affected by the head injury. Listen, would you be able to call the rest of the family?"

"Sure darling, I'll call them as soon as we hang up." She says, I can hear the emotion breaking through her voice.

"Mom, would you be able to bring in the kids to see Ana tomorrow morning?" I ask.

"Sure, is there anything you or Ana need?" She asks.

"Can you bring me some more clean clothes, as well as some PJ's for Ana, her toiletry bag is hanging beside the sink on the hook. Oh yeah, and some of her English breakfast tea. Gail will show you where to find it."

"I'll see you tomorrow. Is it okay for the others to visit with Ana in the afternoon?"

"Yeah that's fine. She just needs to see the kids really badly mom."

"Okay son… I love you so much."

"I love you too mom" And I hang up, and enter Ana's room once more.

I stride over to her, cupping her face in my hands as I lay my lips to hers in a comforting manner. Oh how I've missed these lips, her smart mouth, her giggle – I've missed her so much and to have her beside me, alive is the greatest gift I have ever received. I leave butterfly kisses on her eyelids, her cheeks, her upturned button nose, her chin, and finally her lips. I pull back and rest my forehead against hers and we both try to catch our breath.

"I think those pills are starting to work" She says as she tries to keep her eyes open. I place my palm on her slightly swollen belly and lay a kiss on blip number four.

"Shh… go to sleep baby, I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here by your side… always.

* * *

_A/N: If you enjoyed this chapter then leave me a review. I hate to admit this but I think I am addicted and I get such a thrill when I wake up in the morning and open my inbox with 90 reviews. So please leave me one if you have time. _

_So my wonderful readers… where do we go from here? _

_I'd appreciate your suggestion for what should happen next in the story line? Do you think Ana will be traumatized with nightmares, will Olivia be traumatized? I hope you have enjoyed this chapter! Is it a little anti-climactic? Please feed my 'Review Monster' he's a little hungry ;)_

_With Love  
-Susie, xoxo_


	69. Chapter 69: That's what family is for!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

I was moved into the most luxurious private suite in the recovery unit of the hospital thanks to Christian's insistence this afternoon. I now have a rather spacious double bed, complete with duvet instead of the normal thin cotton sheet and itchy blanket, two spacious sofas for visitors, a large wall-mounted flat screen TV, a mini refrigerator and even a large en-suite bathroom.

Christian is sitting on the sofa at the side of my bed, calling Grace to make arrangements for bringing the kids to see me. Eventually he ends the call and comes over to sit on the empty side of my bed with one of his long legs folded underneath him.

"Baby, my mom's coming with Olivia in an hour or so. She'll be so excited to see you. Teddy and Gracie are with Kate and Elliot so they're coming in tomorrow afternoon." He says, and then kisses my forehead.

"I can't wait to see her either, I just want to hold her in my arms and never let go. It was horrible seeing and hearing her scream for me but unable to comfort h-her" I whisper, my voice cracking whilst I remember the horror that I am trying so hard to forget; it doesn't matter how hard I try; every time I close my eyes I remember what happened to us both in that horrible room.

"Shh… Ana she's a tough cookie, she'll be alright" He wraps his arms around me and gently hugs me to his side. I lay my head on his chest and wrap my free arm over his stomach.

"Ana, what you and Olivia endured is horrific, but you're the strongest woman I have ever known and if anyone can get past this baby, it's you" He murmurs whilst brushing his fingertips up and down my arm. Soothing and calming me

"I love you Christian-" I turn my head and wince slightly because of the movement, and place a kiss directly over his heart "Always"

"I love you too baby, so much. I've died a thousand deaths not knowing if you'd be alright, or if you'd wake up and wouldn't remember me or our life together"

"I could never forget you Mr Grey" He chuckles, making his chest move, I take a large breath as the sensation penetrates my skull, making my head throb.

"Shit, Ana – are you alright? Do you need more painkillers?" I can hear the anxiety shoot up in his voice. "Baby, if you're in pain you need to take it to make you feel more comfortable"

_He's right! How are you supposed to enjoy seeing Olivia if your skull is pounding? _My subconscious screams at me illustrating her point.

"A smaller dose though – I don't want to be sleepy when Olivia and your mother are here." Christian grabs the nifty multi-use remote that operates the TV, the heat and the buzzer thing.

_You were an English major at college and the best you could come up with is 'buzzer thing'? _I astutely ignore my subconscious snarky remarks.

A few minutes later a nurse comes in with some pain medication and I quickly swallow the pill and have a drink of water and decide to have a short nap whilst waiting on Grace and Olivia to arrive. I just want to hold my baby in my arms and never let her go. I snuggle into the safety that being in Christian's arms brings me.

* * *

After taking the pain medication Ana cuddles into my side and quickly falls asleep. I hold her close, never taking my eyes off her for a second. I wish I could take all her pain away, physically and emotionally. I concentrate on her calming breaths and continue to trail my fingers up and down her arms. I can't help but smirk when Ana – who is completely asleep – slips her hand under my T-shirt and traces patterns across my abs. I supress the groan that's fighting to escape my chest and try to think of anything other than Ana's skin against mines.

I'm just drifting off to sleep when I hear a soft knock on the door, and Grace quietly creeps in with Olivia in her arms. I notice almost immediately that Olivia is also asleep, her dark curls resting against Grace's shoulder, her long lashes fanned out on her chubby cheeks and her absolutely adorable pink, pouty lips. Olivia is a complete carbon copy of her mother, with my eyes. I know Ana and I both hope and pray that her temperament is more like Teddy's opposed to Gracie's because I'm not sure that we could cope with another Gracie Grey!

"Hello darling, how are you? How's Ana?" Grace whispers as she gives me a one armed hug and I kiss her cheek.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me. Ana is doing okay. She's being pretty positive on the surface but I'm worried about her, she had some more painkillers once I got off the phone with you this morning and fell asleep quite quickly. She just really wants to see the kids."

"The best thing for Ana right now is some good old R&R. I was talking with Dr Ross; he said that she's doing better than expected." I chuckle quietly, smirking at myself at the many unexpected things Ana has done over the years.

"Nothing Ana ever does is expected. I learned that a long time ago" I can't help the grin that spreads across my face.

"Oh son, it's so good to see you smile again. As you can see, this little Madame fell asleep ten minutes before we got here. She's tired and grouchy because she's been awake since 4 o'clock this morning; she just kept crying for Ana.

"Mom, I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for you and the rest of the family helping me with the kids, and sitting with Ana."

"That's what family is for Christian, to help and support each other whenever we need it most." She hands over a small holdall with all the things I asked for last night, I really don't know what I would have done without our families support over the last few weeks, especially Ana's and my own parents – they've practically abandoned their own lives to help us. I need them to know that we appreciate it.

"I know, but I just want to say thank you, for everything." I pull my mom into my arms and kiss her hair. When I pull away she has tears in her eyes and is trying to blink them away.

"We better get Liv out of her coat, it's very warm in here" Grace says with a sniffle, and wipes her eyes which I pretend not to notice. I gently take Olivia into my arms, trying not to wake her and lie her down in the bed beside Ana. Grace helps me remove her hat, coat and her little shoes before moving her closer to Ana and pulling the duvet over them both.

I watch in awe as Ana instinctively snuggles Olivia into her chest.

"How are you doing with everything Christian? Don't tell me you're 'fine' because I can see that you're not… just talk to me; you might find that you feel better for sharing?" I need to talk this out with someone, I would love to see Logan right now but I don't want to leave Ana, not yet anyway.

"I just feel… I don't know mom, relieved that she's awake and apparently still talking to me – though I don't know why. I'm scared that something else is going to happen to her, or the kids and most of all, I'm absolutely terrified that once this is all over and she's better – she'll leave me again and it's only what I deserve."

"Christian – darling, have a little faith in your wife. I am sure that whatever happens, you'll face it together. If Ana was going to leave you Christian, she would have kicked you out the second she woke up. You know she loves you right?" Grace asks, looking deeply into my eyes.

"Yes, I know she loves me. I love her so much and to think that I am the cause for her pain is like a knife twisting in my gut. All I've ever done is cause her pain mom, how can she possibly still want me around?"

"Because I love you Christian, and I need you just like you love and need me." Ana's sleepy voice floats towards me and I jump up.

"Baby, you're awake." I walk over to her bed and place my hands on the mattress, leaning over Olivia; who is still asleep – and kiss her soft, plump lips, swallowing down the moan that is threatening to erupt from my chest. Good lord, it feels like I have the worst case of blue balls ever.

_She's in hospital ill and you're thinking of fucking her? Are you crazy as well as selfish Grey? You should be ashamed! _ My inner voice is right. I shouldn't be thinking about Ana underneath me, moaning, writhing across the sheets, screaming my name.

Fuck!

_Yeah, that's the best way Grey; give yourself a raging boner whilst your mother and daughter are in the room._

I notice Ana move the duvet away from Olivia and she strokes her knuckle across her cheek before kissing her forehead.

"Momma's here baby girl, I'm sorry for leaving you but I'm here now sweetie, I'm here now. I promise you when momma breaks free, we'll have a big party." She whispers and kisses her hair and looks back up at me, giving me a beaming smile.

_I love you so much Anastasia Grey!_

"Christian" Ana's still raspy voice travels to my ears as she looks up at me, her innocent blue eyes make me fall in love with her over and over again – just like the first time I saw them.

"What is it baby?" I ask, still leaning over her, I smooth the wispy tendrils of hair that are hanging over her face and kiss the tip of her nose.

"I'm really hungry; would you be able to get me something to eat?" Ahh… music to my ears.

"Remember you're on a liquid diet, so basically all you can have is soup. What kind would you prefer?"

_Do not think about getting you're dick out and having her feast on that. No, Christian - don' let that image of Ana –on her knees, you holding onto her luscious brown locks as you fuck her mouth, in and out over and over again– enter your mind Grey! _ I gasp at the direction my inappropriate thoughts have taken. I shake my head to rid myself of the image. I try to adjust my package without Grace or Ana seeing what I'm doing, eventually finding a semi-comfortable position. I close my eyes and breathe slowly, berating myself for allowing such images flood my mind.

"Anything, I don't care as long as it's edible" Ana says, still whispering, mindful that Liv is sleeping softly beside her mother. I quickly grab my blackberry and call Taylor.

"Mr Grey, sir?"

"Taylor, could you please bring in a Spanish omelette for me, and some chicken soup for Ana, no bread since she's on a liquid diet for now. You'll also need to bring the appropriate table wear.

"No problem, I'll get everything together and head on over to you"

"What's your ETA?" I ask.

"Around 40 minutes tops. Is there anything else I can get you sir?"

"No. Um… I just wanted to say thanks Jason, for everything over these last three weeks, you and Gail do so much for Ana and I both, and we appreciate it. One more thing, just call me Christian – make sure to tell Luke the same thing." I quickly end the call before he can say anything else, I'm still a little uncomfortable but ultimately Ana's right – Sawyer and the Taylors live with us… they're just like family and they should be treated as such.

We all chat for a while, my eyes are constantly on Ana, and hers were focusing only on Olivia, watching every breath she takes. Ten minutes later Olivia wakes up and rubs her tired eyes. I quickly sit on the free side of the bed, resting my back against the head board, and Olivia is sound asleep in the middle of us.

"Baby girl, that wasn't a very long nap." I say in a gentle voice, slowly trying to wake her up completely. Her little grey eyes blinking up at me and smiling, showing me her two bottom teeth. She so adorable. Ana is still lying on her side in the bed, watching every move Olivia makes. I can see that she's nervous; but it'll be fine. I reach down and scoop Liv into my arms, and get on the bed properly. Liv is yet to notice Ana, but I know she'll be so excited. She's cried way more than I'll ever admit to Ana; this whole shit-storm has affected Olivia more than anyone else. She's lying against my chest and I kiss her chocolate curls and inhale her sweet baby scent.

"Olivia, look – who's this?" I ask, and point to Ana who is lying right beside us. Liv stares at Ana for a few seconds then bursts into tears – wriggling out of my arms and crawling into her mother's.

"Shh baby girl, it's okay – momma's here. Shh, it's alright sweetie" Ana whispers into her ear as she rubs circles on her back.

"Mom-ma… pees, hugs" She cries and Ana sobs right along with her. I have to help Ana sit up and she winces in pain.

"Are you alright baby?" I ask as I lift Olivia onto her chest as Ana's arms aren't strong enough yet. She wraps her arm across Liv's back, running her fingers softly through her curls and rocks from side to side, holding onto her like she's never going to let go. I look over Grace and give her a smile as we watch Ana and Olivia together.

"Da, momma" Olivia looks to me and then to Ana, her eyes are red and her little cheeks are blotchy but you can tell that she's excited to be with her momma.

"Do you have momma Olivia?" I ask, my voice taking on an unbelieving lilt. Liv take's Ana's face in her hands and places a wet, slobbery kiss right on Ana's lips. It's the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

"You awl betta momma?"

"Yes, you made Momma all better with a kiss, but I want another one, please?" Ana asks her voice still hoarse and raspy. Olivia giggles heartily before kissing Ana once more.

"What about daddy, doesn't he get a kiss?" Ana asks, pretending to be shocked.

"No" She answer's shaking her head from side to side to add emphasis.

"I don't get a kiss? But daddy will cry" I pout and place both my hands over my face, pretending to cry.

"Aww Olivia, poor daddy… he's crying because you never gave him a kiss – I guess I'll just have to give him one instead." Ana makes to move over to kiss me when Olivia launches herself into my lap.

"Daaaah" She say's sitting in my lap and holding my face in her hands just like she did with Ana, and sounds very disapproving of my tears and we all have to stifle our laughter. I purse my lips, in a very clear request and Olivia giggles before placing a very sloppy, wet-with-baby-slobber kiss on my lips and I love every second of it. I hold her tight to my chest and blow raspberries on her neck, eliciting full on, belly giggles from her.

"Momma, seepy" She holds her arms out to Ana but I keep her sitting in my lap, Ana looks very tired and I don't think she has the energy or strength to hold Olivia right now.

"Baby, are you alright?" I ask whilst Liv struggles in my arms, still reaching out with both arms for Ana.

"I'm good. If Grace has time I can lay down real quick and she can snuggle with me for a bit, just until she falls asleep then you can take her down to the car, she'll be less difficult if she's asleep when you take her away Grace"

"Don't worry about me darling, I've taken a few weeks off work so I have all the time in the world"

"Mom, will you take her whilst I fix Ana's pillows please?" Olivia is already struggling in my arms and when I stand up and hand her over to Grace she goes rigid and screams holy blue murder.

"It's alright sweetheart, daddy is just fixing mommy's pillows so you can lay down. Shh… it's alright" My mom sways her from side to side. I fluff Ana's pillows and when she tries to sit up a little and scoot down the bed she winces like she doesn't want to put any pressure on her behind.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just my lower back is tender – I'm fine" I narrow my eyes and feel like she's not telling me something; if that bitch has touched her sexually I will rip her to shreds with my bare hands.

I make sure Ana is comfortable and then lay Olivia down next to her and tuck the duvet around them both, I kiss Ana's forehead then Olivia's.

"Christian, Ana – I'm going to head down and visit with one of my colleagues, I'll come back and pick Olivia up in around thirty minutes if that's alright with you?"

"Grace, are you sure this is okay? I don't want to put you out, you've all done so much already." Ana says to Grace.

"You're not putting me out, I'm more than happy to help whilst you get back on your feet Ana, honestly." She leans over and give's Ana a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks mom, for everything." I say as I pull her in for a hug. "I'll see you in a bit."

With that she leaves Ana's room and I kick my shoes off and slip under the covers with Ana and Olivia.

"What the heck is she doing? Won't you be all dried up?" I ask, as I notice Olivia pulling Ana's vest top down and latching onto her breast.

"I think she just wants to be close to me right now, and after what happened – I want that too – it's just a comfort thing, like instead of the pacifier she uses my nipple. Plus, if she done this often enough, my body would eventually start lactating.

"I swear, breasts are such a fascinating body part." I say with wonder.

"In general or just mine?"

"Just yours baby, always yours." I grin and Ana giggles back at me, a beautiful blush coloring her cheeks. I can't stop myself from trailing my knuckle over her delicate pink skin. I lean over Olivia and pepper Ana's lips with butterfly kisses.

"I love you Christian." I smile shyly at Ana and rub my hand over Olivia's back as her eyes flutter shut.

"I love you too baby, so much." I sit up, with my head resting on my elbow and wrap my free arm over Ana's waist and kiss her forehead, moving my hand lower and caress her forming bump.

"Try and get some sleep baby, close your eyes. You need all the rest you can get." A few moments later her eyes flutter closed and I take this moment to appreciate everything that I could have so easily lost because of Allyson and I promise myself to take every action possible to ensure that bitch pays for what she's done to Ana, to our family, if it's the last thing I do.

* * *

My eyes snap open as I feel Christian carefully take Olivia out of my arms and my anxiety shoots up. I don't want Grace to take her away, I want her with me but I know it isn't possible – the hospital is making special allowances as it is by letting Christian stay with me. Plus this isn't exactly the best environment for a one year old baby anyway.

I lean down and kiss Olivia's forehead and feel my eyes tearing up.

_It's okay, she's going home with Grace and you'll see her again tomorrow!_ My subconscious tries to reassure me but it's a lost effort.

Christian has laid out her soft fleecy blanket and is swaddling her with it and hands her over to Grace. She must be absolutely exhausted because she hasn't even stirred. Grace says a quick goodbye then leaves the room and shortly after my tears start to fall in hard sobs.

"Hey, baby – what's wrong? Are you hurting, do you need more painkillers?" I can't answer him because I'm crying so hard which is hurting my ribs but I don't care.

"Baby please, talk to me?" He cups my face in his large hands and I hold onto his wrists.

"I just didn-didn't want Olivia to go"

"I'll call my mom to come back with her and call Luke to bring in some stuff for Liv, would that make you feel better?" He holds me in his arms and rubs my back.

"No… I'm being stupid. The hospital is no place for a one year old little girl anyway – I just miss her is all."

"Ana, are you sure?" He asks, concern written all over his pale and worried face.

"I'm sure, just hold me please?" He sits back down beside me and wraps his arm around my shoulders and I snuggle into his side, I'm right where I want to be.

A few peaceful moments later Taylor delivers our lunch and my stomach growls nosily.

"Gail heated it up before I left and she gave me this new bag thing which keeps the food hot."

"Really?" Christian asks, sounding vaguely intrigued and surprized by this 'new' invention. He gets up and takes the bag from Taylor and starts placing items on the tray, the wonderful cheesy egg omelette aroma is arousing my senses and makes my mouth water as soon as he takes the lid off the Tupperware box.

"Gail asked me to tell you that she hopes you're okay, and that you'll be feeling better soon."

"I hope so too, I doubt I'll be getting out of here anytime soon, if she wants to drop by we can catch up"

"I'll pass that along Ana. Is there anything else sir?" Christian looks at him pointedly and I'm left wondering why?

"Uh… I mean, is there anything else Christian?" He grins at Taylor and shakes his head.

"No we're good, thank you Jason." He gives us both a simple nod and leaves again.

Christian dishes up our omelette and soup, being mindful of the small portion size that I'm on right now. I just manage to finish the miniscule amount that he gave me.

"How're you feeling?" He asks as he tosses his used napkin into the bin and starts to put the used bowl and plate back into the bag.

"I feel pretty sick right now" I drink some of the bottled water that's beside my bed and breathe deeply, trying to rid myself of this nauseous feeling.

"The doctor said you'd feel like that for a while though, you have to take it slow."

"I know, but I hate feeling sick." Christian pushes away the table and sits back beside me and kisses my forehead.

"You'll feel better soon. Do you feel well enough to have a bath tonight? The doctor said it was alright if you felt up to it?" He asks as he tucks my hair behind my ear, caressing the lobe with the tips of his thumb and forefinger.

"I'd love a bath." He smiles lovingly and gently kisses me, he groans when I try to deepen the kiss and pulls away, resting my forehead against his.

"Baby, you need to rest." His face looks pained, and I know he's having trouble refusing me, I just need to try harder

"I want you. Christian I need you… please?" I raise my head and kiss his lips once more, playfully nipping at his lower lip.

"No Ana, we can't…" I groan this time and fold my arms over my chest, and sulk. Which in turn makes him chuckle.

"I'm going to go fill the tub for you; I'll be back in a second." He quickly kisses my forehead and disappears into the bathroom.

~o0o~

I'm just starting to fall asleep when Christian comes back into the room.

"I thought you'd fallen down the toilet. I was just going to send a search party." I smirk at my too-sexy-for-his-own-good husband.

"Nope, no toilet falling, just bath running – that's the first time I've gone in there and it's a pretty huge tub. Come on, I'll carry you Mrs Grey" He pulls back the duvet and places one arm under my lower back, with the other beneath my knees and seems to lift me with ease. I anchor my arms around his neck and place a few wet kisses on the exposed skin of his neck.

"Mrs Grey, you're too light. I see what you're trying to do Ana." I can't help but giggle.

"I'm not trying to do anything Mr Grey" I reply innocently, batting my eyelashes.

"Can you stand whilst I undress you or do you want to sit?"

"I can stand, just stay close." He nods and lowers me to my feet. I feel a little dizzy so I grasp his biceps for balance. He unties my robe and pushes it over my shoulders, laying it on the closed toilet seat then removes my vest top and lets it drop to the floor, and then gently sides off my Pyjama bottoms along with my panties and I use his shoulder to steady myself as I step out of them.

"I'm okay Christian, they're just bruises. They'll go away eventually." I say softly, trying to reassure him. When he meets my eye, his are full of pain.

"Christian, stop – you didn't do this. It's not your fault!" I try to make him understand that he isn't responsible for anything that psycho done.

"Let's get you in the bath baby." I go to kiss him but his attention is solely focused right behind me, he suddenly gasps with an expression of sheer horror.

* * *

"Christian, stop – you didn't do this. It's not your fault!" She looks up at me, her eyes begging me to believe her but I just can't. It may not have been I that made the marks, but it was my fault it happened and nothing Anastasia or anyone can ever say will change my mind of that. I swallow down the guilt momentarily, and decide to push on with the task at hand.

"Let's get you in the bath baby." I say, she lifts her lips to kiss me but my eye is suddenly drawn to the mirror behind Ana and I gasp.

Oh my god. What did she do – fuck!

There are four black and purple welts slashed across Ana's backside, then another diagonally cutting across the other four.

"Oh god, baby – I, fuck." I wrap my arms around her and gently pull her against my chest and bury my face in her neck. She puts her arms around me and rubs my back.

"How could she? What did that barbaric bitch use?"

"A heavy cane I think… I'm not really sure but by the sound of it whishing through the air I'm pretty sure it was a cane."

"Jesus you must be in fucking agony Ana." She must have used some amount of force to create bruising that's lasted over three fucking weeks and it's still raised and black and purple in color. I want to kill her, I want to hold a gun to her temple and blow the fucking trigger. I am seriously regretting not giving that bitch a taste of her own medicine. "I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry" I sob into her neck.

"Shh… it's okay. It hurts but I'm okay, I'm stronger than you think – I'll heal Christian, and that's all that matters." She says, I look up into her eyes and I can tell that she means it but that doesn't matter.

"I love you so much Ana and the thought of you hurting at that psychotic bitch's hand is killing me – I swear right here and now, I promise you that she'll pay for what she's done. Maybe not today or tomorrow but eventually." My voice takes a vicious, hard edge and I hold Ana at arm's length and look deeply into her eyes they still shine with unconditional love for me.

"Are you sure you'll manage to get in the bath with your… injuries?"

"Yes, I'm okay – it's just some bruises, granted their some pretty bad bruises but as long as I have you, I can get through anything" She presses her cheek against my chest and I trail my fingers through her hair. After a few minutes I pull away and lift Ana into my arms, taking extra care in the positioning of my arms. I gently lower her into the tub and she winces when the water hits her behind then again when I let her go and she's sitting on her bruised bottom.

"Aren't you getting in with me?" She asks, looking hopeful. No, I can't.

"Not tonight, I already had a shower this morning anyway." I say whilst getting some of Ana's strawberry body wash and squirt it onto her body puff and wash her all over, being as gentle as I could possibly be when I got near any of her cuts and bruises. I nearly break down every time she winces or screws her eyes shut. Once I am finished I grab a towel and lift her from the tub, wrapping the soft towel around her body and carrying her back to our makeshift bedroom for the time being anyway.

I put her down, standing beside the bed and proceed to dry her body carefully, patting her skin rather than rubbing it. I grab one of my t-shirts and a pair of plain cotton panties. I hold the panties out, and she uses my shoulder as support whilst she steps into them and I pull them up her legs trying to ignore the pressing need to touch her and its killing me not to but I can't, not when her health is at risk. Ana holds her arms up and I slip my large t-shirt over her head and down her body, the hem finishing mid-thigh and I groan knowing that she'll be lying in bed with me, the shirt providing perfect access to her body but not being allowed to touch her.

"I just pull the covers over her when someone knocks at the door and walks in. A blonde petite nurse comes into the room and smiles brightly at Ana.

"Hi, my name is Rosie Smiles, pleased to meet you Anastasia."

"Hi, pleased to meet you too, please just call me Ana." She replies.

" I am a private care nurse, my colleague, Danielle and I will be solely responsible for your personal care whilst in the hospital. I'm just going to give you a quick check over and make sure you're all set for the night."

"Thank you Rosie, so will you and Danielle alternate between days and nights?"

"Yes, I am obviously on for tonight and Danielle will take over from me at 7 o'clock tomorrow morning." Rosie smiles at Ana and starts to take her blood pressure. They both make polite conversation whilst she takes Ana's observations and record's her findings on the chart that hangs at the bottom of the bed.

"Well Ana, you're obs are coming back within normal parameters, which is good. I expected elevated blood pressure but you're perfectly normal. I'll be out at the nurses' station if you need anything. I'll let you get back to bed, remember if you need anything throughout the night just gives me a buzz and I'll come right through."

"Thank you very much Rosie. My wife's wellbeing is of paramount importance to me and I want her to get the best level of care possible."

"I understand Mr Grey. Goodnight Ana" With that she leaves the room and I strip down to my boxer-briefs and slip under the covers with Ana."

"Are you tired baby?" I ask, brushing her hair away from her face and kiss her forehead.

"Yeah, I'm exhausted from doing absolutely nothing. It doesn't make any sense… I mean, I've been asleep for three weeks, and I'm tired?"

"Your body has been through a lot baby, it'll take time to rebuild your strength. Turn around Ana; we need to get some sleep." I say as I turn off the lights using the remote. Ana turns around and I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her into my chest with my hand laid possessively over her minute bump.

Ana is still fidgeting in the bed and seems like she can't get comfortable.

_Well no shit captain obvious. It probably has to do with the black and purple welts spread across the width of her ass!_

I grab the remote again and turn the light on via the dimmer to keep the lighting soft and soothing.

"Ana, do you need me to get the nurse, are you alright?" I whisper to Ana.

"I'm sorry; I just can't get comfortable because of my behind."

"Well what about if I turn around onto my side and you snuggle up to my back… that way your backside won't be touching anything else, which will minimize the pain and discomfort you're feeling." I quickly turn around onto my side and Ana moves up really close to my body. She wraps her arm around my waist and kisses my back.

"Goodnight baby, I love you and I'll see you in the morning." I say, still rather sleepy.

"Night Christian. I love you too." I close my eyes as Ana's fingers start to caress my chest and abs. I supress a groan when her intrepid fingers go a little further south, making my cock twitch.

"Ana…" I say breathlessly as she starts leaving wet, opened mouth kisses across my shoulder, her tongue lightly darting out to quickly caress the skin before slipping it back in and kissing me again. She slowly moves upwards to my neck, licking and nipping at my skin. Which feels fucking amazing!

Fuck, fuck, fuck! No this isn't right, Ana is ill in hospital and all I can think about –apart for her getting better – is to fuck her senseless – what kind of husband am I?

_A shitty one?_ Yeah, that didn't help!

"Ana, I- I can't" I hear the panic evident in my voice and I'm sure my facial expression reflects this.

"Please, Christian – you can, I need you, please?" I sigh and she knows she's won. Ana quickly flicks the duvet away and pushes it down to the bottom of the bed with her feet.

Her arm is still snaked around my waist, her perfect body snuggling into my sculpted back, so close that I can feel her warm breath against my neck. I close my eyes as a deep groan escapes me.

"Baby… fuck you're killing me here! Please?" I whisper, panting already and she's hardly touched me.

"Shh relax sweetheart, you've had a very rough couple of weeks and I want to help you get rid all the tension you've been carrying around."

She strokes her hand across my abs once more at a frustratingly slow pace, taking her time in trailing her fingertips down past my happy trail, tugging the hair softly before slipping her fingers into my boxers and grasping me firmly.

Her hand moves up and down my length, squeezing me with just the right amount of pleasure. Ana presses kisses on my back whilst she pumps up and down, bringing me closer to the edge.

"I, love you so much" She presses another kiss on the nape of my neck, slowly licking and sucking the skin as she goes

."I need you always" she says as she places another wet, open mouthed kiss right between my shoulder blades. I gasp whilst she runs her tongue up the length of my spine and she increases the speed and pressure of her hand as she moves up and down my length. Ana continues her seduction by leaving open mouthed kisses around the sensitive skin on my neck.

"Shit, Ana – don't stop… fuck!" I groan as I feel that familiar pulling sensation, Ana's hand starts to pump her hand faster, and harder, up and down my length. Building me higher, and higher until I can't wait any longer, my legs start to stiffen and Ana's warm voice floats to my ears like honey.

"Come for me Christian" Ana whispers and on cue, I explode in her hand; long streams of come flowing out of my length. I take a few minutes to catch my breath before turning around to face Ana.

"Oh you are one naughty patient Mrs Grey…"

"Really Mr Grey? Do tell?"

"Well, you just gave your husband the first orgasm he's had in three weeks and five days" I say with a smirk and lay my lips on Ana's, her tongue tracing the shape of my lips before plunging it into my mouth.

"You are so sexy Mrs Grey." I notice that her eyes are becoming very heavy so I get out of bed and clean myself up, putting on a clean pair of boxer briefs and wiping the puddle of semen up at the side of the bed. Thank fuck I didn't get any on the sheets. It would be rather difficult to explain without wanting to shrivel up and die!

Ana turns onto her side and I slip in beside her, I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her to me, burying my nose in her hair and we both fall into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

_It was chapter 69 so I had to get a mini lemon in there – it just has to be done when you're writing smutt! I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and please… if you have time, I'd be super grateful if you could leave me a review and tell me what you think of the chapter. I am open to all suggestions._

_I named the nurse after SmileRose gave me the nick name:_

_Susie 'constantly coming' Ward!_

_~If you haven't already then please remember to check her story~_

**'Meet At Graduation: Remember Me.**

/s/8650669/1/Meet-at-Graduation-Remember-Me

**Next Chapter**_: Ana is being released from the safety of the hospital. How will she cope with the constant fear of something happening!_


	70. Chapter 70: Homeward Bound!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

_I hope you guys enjoy this rather large chapter :) x_

* * *

~Two Weeks Later~

* * *

I'm sitting on the bed that has been my personal prison waiting on Dr Ross doing his examination of the staples that are still in my skull. Thankfully, when I was in surgery they lifted the top section of hair, and secured it with a sterile clip to keep the hair away from the wound and shaved underneath so that I wouldn't have a big bald patch for months; which I am eternally grateful for.

"Okay Ana, I think it's time to remove these bad boys!" Dr Ross say's whilst he pulls on a pair of latex gloves as nurse Rosie brings over the tray that contains his implements of torture and upon seeing them, my stomach twists uncomfortably.

"Is this going to hurt?" I ask, a little terrified of having these things removed. I'm gripping onto Christian and he rubs his thumb over the back of my hand but when I look at him he's gone very pale and wide-eyed.

_Gee, how very reassuring Grey!_

**"**No it doesn't hurt, I just insert this pointy part underneath and then squeeze these handles and the staple pops right out. Absolutely no pain involved.

Need I remind you that you've recently gone through a very traumatic brain injury and decompressive craniectomy, and you're freaking out about removing a few staples? Trust me this will be a walk in the park on a sunny day!"

He holds up the little tool and lets me have a quick look. It kind of reminds me of a combination of a pair of scissors and a normal office staple picker.

"Yeah but I wasn't sentient or responsive at the time of the decompressive cranieoc-ta-whaty!" I say incredulously. He smiles reassuringly but I'm just not buying it.

My nurse Rosie lays a paper towel on my chest and uses two clips to fix it around my neck and I start to get really apprehensive. My breathing picks up and Christian notices right away, he really does know my body better than I do.

"Ana, baby – it'll be fine. You need to relax because it'll hurt more if your muscles are tense." Christian kisses my temple to attempt to calm me but it's not really working too well.

"Sound advice from your husband. Okay, just take nice, deep, slow, breaths for me Ana." Damn it! I'm such a baby! I clamp down on Christian's hand and screw my eyes up as I feel him insert the tip of the tool under the staple, I feel a sort of pulling sensation before the staple pops out then clatters nosily into the steel, kidney shaped, bowl. I exhale in relief as I realise it doesn't hurt at all.

"See, I told you it wouldn't hurt, you need to have a little faith in your neurosurgeon Ana." I giggle nervously, embarrassed by my big-baby behaviour. I think Christian would be a little freaked out by our jovial relationship if Dr Ross wasn't middle aged and balding, and married.

"I think I may need to stop by the ER for an X-ray, I'm sure I felt, and heard a bone crack in my hand with you squeezing it so hard." Christian says grimacing in fake-pain, then smiles reassuringly then lifts my hand to his lips as they remove the remaining staples.

Once they're all out a breathe a sigh of relief, now I can wash my hair properly without Christian freaking out and barely touching me when he's attempted to wash it for me.

"So, Miss Anastasia, do you feel up to shipping out?"

_Does he mean what I think he means?_

"Do you mean?"

"What I mean to say is this; consider yourself… discharged!" I can't help but bounce on the bed with excitement.

"Thank you so much Dr Ross! I can't wait to go home – no offence." I giggle as I note his mock-hurt expression.

"None taken. I just want to remind you that you're still recovering so, don't be tempted into running out the house to play super Ana any time soon. Take things easy, and remember, you need a few weeks off work; doctors' orders remember! I'll see you back here in four weeks for another MRI to see how you're doing okay?" I nod excitedly as Dr Ross holds his hand out for me to shake. Oh hell no, he isn't getting off that lightly. I slowly stand up and pull him in for a hug.

"Thank you for saving my life." I whisper, my voice thick and tears stinging my eyes – it's the truth, if it wasn't for his insistence to keep trying after I flat lined, I'd be dead.

"It's my pleasure Ana. Mr Grey-" Dr Ross nods at Christian and they shake hands.

"Thank you, for everything Dr Ross" Christian gives Dr Ross a very manly shoulder squeeze to show his thanks.

"It's no problem. Rosie, will be taking care of your discharge papers, she'll schedule our follow up appointment and arrange a prescription for medication that's safe to use in moderation when pregnant so only use it if you really have to. I'll see you both in four weeks. "

Dr Ross and Rosie leave the room and Christian wraps his arms around my waist from behind, his hands protectively caressing my growing bump.

"Are you excited to be coming home Mrs Grey?" I turn in his hold and kiss his lips then tuck my head under his chin.

"Definitely Mr Grey, I can't wait. I feel like I've been in here for months, but for the most part I am just so excited for us to get back to our normal, mundane, drama free, family routine. I've missed the kids so much, even the silly little things like putting them to bed, washing maple syrup out of Gracie's hair, reading with Ted. I've just missed everything and I am so ready to go home."

"I love you baby, so much and I can't wait to take you home!" He kisses my forehead and calls Taylor informing him to come and collect us from the hospital whilst I pack up all our stuff into the holdall.

Finally, after an hour of filling out paper work nurse Rosie is wheeling me out to the back entrance of the hospital to avoid the crowd of paparazzi have gathered.

Whilst I was in the coma our PR team had to issue an official statement that was based on strict fact, not going into any specifics, and to remain vague but informative. The statement detailed that I was abducted, and held against my will, that I was severely assaulted, that I was fighting for my life, but had stabilized and that the perpetrator had been caught at the scene and is currently awaiting trial.

Christian helps me out of the wheel chair and into the soft comfy seats of our Audi SUV, I wince as I sit down because there is still bruising on my behind, it's been five weeks since the attack, but they'll take more time to heal and it's not so bad, it hurts the most when I first sit down or move around. Hopefully they'll start to fade and the pain won't be so bad. I swear, every time I wince or screw my eyes shut, a little bit of the light in Christian's eyes fade and it's breaking my heart every, single time.

He clasp's my hand as soon as he slides into the back seat with me and we take off for home. Christian gently twirls my wedding and engagement rings as he holds my hand, gently thrumming across my skin with his thumb before raising my hand to his lips, placing the kiss right on my rings. We spend the rest of the journey in comfortable silence as we both look out our windows, both of us reflecting on everything that has occurred over the last five weeks, but at least for me, my love for Christian has only grown more intense. Watching him suffer whilst I was comatose was the worst thing I have ever experienced. The pain I received at Allyson's hand was nothing compared to the anguish I felt for my husband, my children, for my entire family.

As we drive I feel my anxiety shoot up higher and higher. Whilst I was in the hospital I felt safe in my bubble with Christian, I knew no one could get to me but now, anything can happen. Allyson managed to take me in broad daylight – she managed to shoot Luke, without either of us noticing any kind of threat. She's capable of anything, I realise that I haven't even asked what's happened to her, where is she? I find it highly unlikely that she is in jail, she's probably in some high end medical facility to help with her mental breakdown, she enjoyed what she done far too much and I know that I cannot tell Christian everything that happened, how much I begged and how much she laughed in my face as she hit me over and over again – if he hadn't got there when he did I am positive that she would have killed me and harmed Olivia and I will be forever grateful that he didn't give up on me. I wonder what made him decide to show up at Escala? He must have gotten there pretty fast for Luke to have survived; I remember how much blood, and how quickly he was losing it. I make a mental note to ask him about it when I feel up to it. Today I just want to concentrate on forgetting everything that happened, starting right now.

A short while later we pull into our street and even more paparazzi are camped out at the gate than there were at the hospital. How are we going to manage to get into the house without them snapping pictures and firing questions like bullets? Taylor maneuverer the SUV through the sea of reporters and photographers and I tighten my grip on Christian's hand.

"It's okay baby, the windows are so heavily tinted that they won't be able to get any pictures. Relax, I won't let them or anyone else for that matter get to you ever again. I promise!" He leans over and kisses my lips sweetly. I take a deep breath and try to relax, giving Christian – what I hope is a smile but I'm not sure if I pull it off because I see the sadness in his eyes.

"We've also upgraded the security features and protocols of the house and I also promise, that you and the kids are safe here Ana. I wouldn't bring you and the kids back here if it wasn't safe baby."

We pause at the gate's control unit and as soon as Taylor opens the window the paparazzi come rushing forward, practically shoving their cameras through the window to snap their pictures, the reporters are firing questions that I can't differentiate because their all speaking at once. Taylor tries to push them out the way from inside the car so can get to the key pad to open the gate.

Shit, I feel my heart start to race and my chest constricts so badly that I feel like I can't breathe so I start gasping, desperately trying to fill my lungs with precious oxygen but it's no use. I begin to pant, taking short, sharp breaths and my head starts to get really fuzzy and light.

"Baby, calm down… breathe Ana. It's okay!" I nod, still feeling anxious and scared. I hate this unsafe feeling, I hate being scared! I notice Taylor close the window, but I can still hear and see the flashing cameras. Taylor picks up his phone and orders Ryan to open the gate. Even though I know we'll be in the safety of our home in a few minutes I can't seem to shake this feeling of utter panic and ice cold fear grips my heart.

"Ana, breathe with me. Slow, long, deep breaths. In through your nose and exhale through your mouth." Christian begins to breathe slowly and deeply and I copy him, I notice my heart begin to slow, and the ice that encased my heart melts as we drive up the path. As we get closer to the house I immediately notice the 'Welcome Home Mommy' banner that's hung above the front door. I grin like crazy and my eyes begin to tear up. I turn to look at Christian and he's smiling at me shyly.

"Teddy came up with the idea and spent hours making it, with a little of Gracie's help although he would have preferred to make it completely by himself. He said that Gracie was 'messing it up with scribbles' and then Gracie threw a shoe at his head and proceeded to start a massive tantrum, tears, lashing out – the complete works of Gracie Grey!" I can't help my giggles, the thought of Christian having to deal with his mini-me is amusing for some reason.

* * *

We pull to a stop at the front door; I walk around to Ana's side and lift her out of the car; fireman style. She shakes her head at me, a smirk forming on the corners of her mouth. I can't control myself so I place a gentle kiss on her lips before walking into the house. I arranged for the entire family to welcome Ana home. I take my wife's hand and lead her to where they're waiting.

Everyone shouts surprize when we walk into the reception room that never gets used. Ana's mouth drops open in shock, and I can see in her eyes that she's absolutely thrilled to see everyone.

Teddy comes running towards Ana and wraps his arms around her waist, as Ana runs her fingers through his soft copper curls.

"Mommy, I'm so glad that you're home. I missed you so much!" Ana pulls him to her body and kisses his hair.

"I missed you so much baby boy, so much." Ana's voice is filled with emotion but she still manages to keep it together.

"MOMMA, me misted you too!" Gracie comes bounding towards Ana but I swoop down and lift her into my arms before she could slam right into Ana.

"What did we talk about last night Gracie Grey?"

"Me s'post to be jentle wiff momma. I sorry daddy – me juss cited to see momma." I nod my head and kiss her forehead and push her curls away from her face.

"That's my good girl, just remember to be gentle because momma is still a little sick and she needs rest okay?"

"Otay daddy." I set her back on her feet and Ana leans down for a kiss and hug. I take Ana's hand and lead her towards the sofa where everyone is sitting, enjoying a glass of wine and nibbling at the food Gail has prepared, buffet style. I take both of her hands, holding them, keeping my arms straight and locked as she lowers herself down onto the sofa. The bruising on her backside isn't as bad anymore but it's still giving her a little bother when sitting down. I take a seat beside Ana and hold her hand. Kate comes over and wraps her arms around Ana, both of them crying because of two reasons. Number one, she's alive and number two, she's home.

"Christian, where's Olivia? I really need to see her?" Ana asks, her blue eyes glistening from tears.

"It's wonderful to see you darling, you look so much better. Olivia fell asleep about five minutes before you got here. I can go and wake her up if you want?" Grace asks with a smile.

"Thanks Grace, but it's alright, I know how cranky she can be if you wake her." Ana replies, smiling at Grace.

"Grace, I just want to say thanks to you, in fact… I want to thank all of you, for supporting Christian when he needed it most. Especially you Kate, I know you and Christian have never seen eye to eye because you're both so similar and butt heads at any opportunity, but regardless of all of that, you helped and comforted him when he needed it most and I am so grateful that we- we have such a wonderful and supportive fa-family." Ana's voice is thick with emotion and I know she's close to crying but she reins it in. Kate smiles at us both, tears in her eyes too as she comes over and they both hug each other with tears rolling down their cheeks.

"Are you hungry baby? Do you want me to get some of the buffet stuff for you?" I ask her as her stomach groans a massive *YES* I can't help the smirk that forms on my face.

"I'll take that as a yes?" My smile gets wider as she giggles and nods her head. I quickly get one of the plastic plates and make up a small portion of finger food over to her as her stomach is still getting used to solid food again.

My mom gets up and leaves the room, without saying a word to any of us and I briefly wonder where she's going or what she's doing. I can't help that I begin tune out of the garble of chatter swimming around the room. Instead, I focus completely on Ana's eyes, her facial expression and her beautiful, sexy smile as she conversed with Mia and Kate. Gracie, Ava and Teddy are running around the kids den; we didn't feel comfortable with calling it a 'playroom' for obvious reasons. The den is quite a large room, it has a big flat screen TV, hundreds of dvd's, multiple games console and horde of toys, dolls, prams, cribs that Gracie and Ava play with all the time, and a bunch of action figures, Lego's, model plane's and trains that he and I have built together. All the kids that come over, including Teddy and Gracie's play dates as well as Ava love and adore being in that room.

Gail put a movie on for them about twenty minutes ago and they're currently munching on the food from the buffet and giggling. I love that my kids are happy and content; I can't wait until we add our new addition in seven months' time. I honestly didn't know how much joy I would get from simply making my family happy.

Ana looks up at me, questioning my blank look and I whisper in her ear.

"I'm just thinking how nice this is, the kids are having fun – our family is here and I just don't think that life will ever get any better than this right here, right now. I love you so much Ana."

Ana looks up at me, softly pecking at my lips and jaw, earning a groan of pure need, my unquenchable need for her and her body.

"I love you so much baby." I smile shyly at her and she giggles back at me. Fuck, I feel my cock twitch as her bottom lip is snared between her teeth and I feel like tipping her over my shoulder and take her upstairs to have my wicked way with her.

* * *

I see the look of pure hunger in Christians eyes and I can't help my body's slavish reaction to him, whenever he looks at me like that I feel the wetness pool between my legs and I can't help but bite my lip as I try to stop thinking of dragging him into our bedroom and fucking him senseless – from the blank look on his face I know he's thinking the same thing. He reaches over and takes my chin in between his thumb and forefinger, removing my lip from its prison between my teeth.

"No lip biting Mrs Grey." He says his voice low and his eyes darkening with desire.

I notice Grace come walking back into the room with Olivia on her hip.

"I figured that she'd probably want to help us celebrate her momma's homecoming." Grace smiles as Olivia starts to wriggle and fuss, holding her little pudgy hands out towards me and since I have more upper body strength from the physiotherapy sessions I've been having I decide to stand up and take her from Grace's arms. I hold her to my chest, kissing her hair, her cheeks, and finally her nose.

"Momma home?" She grins at me, showing her two bottom teeth, which makes her so adorable. I giggle as I take my seat beside Christian and sit Liv on my lap, facing me with her little legs wrapped around my waist.

"Yeah baby girl, momma's home; I missed you so, so much!" She snuggles her head into my neck and I can tell she's still sleepy.

"Da, momma home!" She says to Christian and he takes her little hand and kisses her fingers.

"Yeah, I can see. Did you miss momma?" She doesn't reply, she takes my face in her hands and gives me a wet, sloppy kiss right on the lips.

"I'll take that as a yes then huh?" Liv just ignores him and babbles about absolutely nothing, I feel so unbelievably happy in this moment. I have everything I want and need right here in this house. Christian lays his arm along the back of the sofa, playing with my hair as he enjoys a beer or two with Elliot and our dads.

"So, are you glad to be home then baby girl?" My mom asks, as she sits down beside me, squeezing my knee.

"Of course, I hated it in that hospital – mostly because I missed being at home with the kids."

"I'm so glad you're alright Ana, we were all terrified that you weren't going to make it, especially Christian."

"I know, I missed you all too. It was so strange mom, I seen everything and heard everything whilst I was asleep – I know it sounds crazy but I did."

"It doesn't sound crazy at all, lots of people experience strange things whilst they're in comas." Christian is animatedly discussing the mariner's latest win with my dad, Carrick and Elliot and I can't help my smile.

"I guess you and dad have forgiven Christian?" I whisper to my mom and she smiles sadly.

"Yeah, I guess we have. Ana I have never seen anyone so broken, he sat at your bedside and never left for a single moment. It's hard to be angry at the man who refused to leave your side, he was with you every step of the way and your dad and I, well – we know he loves you Ana, and we know he makes you happy; that's all we want for you baby." A few tears slip from my mom's eyes and I wipe them away with my knuckle when Teddy comes running into the room.

"Whoa champ, what's the rush?" Christian asks as Teddy slides to a stop, his socks slipping across the hard wood floor right in front of me.

"I just wanted to make sure mommy was alright."

"I'm fine baby boy." He nods his head and runs back out of the room and I can't help my giggle.

"He loves you very much Ana, and when we had to explain to him what might happen." My mom closes her eyes and shakes her head. "That was the worst feeling in the world."

"Mom, I'm good – I'm not checking out any time soon, so let's have some fun and catch up, okay?" I take her hand in my own and give it a gentle squeeze.

"Okay!" She beams back at me.

**~o0o~**

I lean my head against Christian's shoulder, as I feel myself starting to fall asleep. Olivia is fast asleep in my arms and everyone has offered to put her to bed but I want her in my arms.

"Okay, I think Ana really needs to get some rest." I hear Grace say; I open my eyes and find everyone staring at me with sad smiley expressions.

"I'm sorry everyone. That was really rude of me" I mumble embarrassed to have fallen asleep at my own 'Welcome home party'

"Don't be silly Annie, you've had a rough five weeks and you need your rest. We'll drop by tomorrow to see you before we head home." My mom and dad stand up, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead before grabbing their coats.

"How come you aren't staying here?" I ask them, confused as to where they're going.

"Oh, we were staying here but Grace and Carrick offered us a room at their place tonight to let you settle in." My mom says.

"Oh… well you can stay here if you want, we don't mind!" My mom smiles at me and wraps her arms around Olivia and I, then Christian.

"I know you don't mind baby girl, but we're sure. Just relax tonight okay, Christian has invited us over for lunch tomorrow so we can spend some time with you before we head on home." My mom assures me as my dad gives me a hug, then shakes Christians hand and pulls him in for a manly squeeze.

Everyone says their goodbyes and soon enough we're on our own. Gail helps put Gracie to bed after throwing a tantrum and Teddy gives me a hug and a kiss goodnight.

"I'm glad your home mommy, I'm glad you didn't need to go away with the angel to get better" I feel a lump in my throat as I kiss his forehead.

"Goodnight Teddy bear, I love you so much." I manage to squeeze the words past the lump in my throat, and then he heads upstairs to bed. I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down and thankfully it works. You'd think I wouldn't have any tears left to shed.

Christian takes Olivia from my arms then takes my hand as we head upstairs to bed. I go into Olivia's nursery with him and kiss her forehead before he lays her in the crib and we tip-toe out of the room.

"I'm so glad you're home Mrs Grey, I love you so much." He says, his voice taking that husky edge that I love.

"I love you too, and I'm just as glad to be home Mr Grey." I say as he helps me undress for bed. He brings out one his t-shirts and slips it over my head. I smirk as a plan forms in my head.

Christian gets his pyjama pants from underneath his pillow and slips them on.

"Baby, can you get me a glass of orange juice? Please, I'm really thirsty?" I ask as I get into bed. Christian comes over to my side and pulls the duvet over me.

"With or without bits?"

"With, please" I smile as he kisses my forehead and leaves the room, the room bathed in his scent was driving me crazy, oh how I want him right now.

I could tell by the way he looked at me whilst he was helping me undress that he was barely managing to maintain his self-control. It's been five long weeks since he's touched me in any kind of sexual manner and I am fucking needy. Just looking at his sculpted chest and back as he pulled his pyjama's on had wetness pooling between my thighs.

I slowly and carefully got out of bed, the last thing I needed to do was trip and fall right now, because that wouldn't help my cause. I pull off Christian's t-shirt from my body and slip off the boring, unflattering, cotton panties as I head towards the chest of drawers in our walk-in closet and get a pair of white, lacy, barely-there panties and slip them on with nothing else. I go into the bathroom and brush out my hair; it curls below my breasts now as it's so long and needs a good cut. I give my cheeks a pinch for some color and head back into the bedroom. Once I've remake the bed, I lie on top of the covers, trying my best to appear sexy; here's hoping I'm successful. I take a deep, calming breath as I wait on Christian coming back to bed with my juice.

My heart starts to race as I hear him padding up the stairs. As he gets closer I feel my desire singing in my veins, I need him so badly right now. I throw up a silent prayer that his solid self-control drops and his need for me increases.

* * *

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck.

I open the refrigerator; I hope that its cold temperature will calm my raging need for Ana. Helping her undress tonight was brutal. I wanted nothing more than to thrust my hips against her, feel her wetness, her warmth encase me.

_She is ill, she needs rest. She is ill, she needs rest. _I repeat my mantra as I pour out two glasses of juice and head upstairs. Thankfully I manage to open the door and I freeze on the spot.

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck.

Ana is lying on the bed; her long, luscious legs stretched out in front of her in nothing more than a pair of white lacy panties. Her perfect, creamy breasts heaving as she breathes heavily. Shit. I feel myself harden and I close my eyes, trying to maintain my control.

_She is ill, she needs rest. She is ill, she needs rest._ Nope, not working at all.

I need her, I want to feel her under me, on top of me, I want and need to feel her warmth surround me.

"Um, are you planning to stand there all night or are you coming to bed with me Mr Grey?" She whispers, her voice thick with desire. I can tell that she wants to squirm under my gaze but controls herself to appear calm and unaffected.

"Oh I'm coming to bed with you Mrs Grey" Her breath hitches and I can't help smirk "To sleep. You need rest." I taunt her.

"We'll see about that Mr Grey." She sits up, her lip caught between her teeth and her fingers twirling her hair.

"Can I have a drink of my juice please? I'm a little…parched." She murmurs seductively, the hand cupping her throat slowly making its way down her neck, and in between her breasts. I casually stroll across to her side of the bed and place our glasses on her bedside table. She turns to face me and I place my hands on the bed at either side of her hips, my face mere millimetres from her own.

"I know what you're doing baby."

"Whatever do you mean Mr Grey?" She asks, innocently. Damn, she's good, and sexy, and almost completely naked and open to me. I close my eyes and immediately regret it because she takes her opportunity and crushes her lips against mine. My hands instinctively wrap around her waist as she traces my lips with the tip of her tongue, granting her access she thrusts her tongue into my mouth, moving along the length of my own.

Jesus. I have absolutely no hope of resisting her when she's like this and it's been so long since I've felt her body moving with my own, all throughout the horror of the last few weeks, all I could think of was everything I would be losing, our intimacy, our desire, our need for each other, nothing would matter without her. I suddenly come to the realization that I should grab each and every moment with her with both of my hands, holding onto her with all my strength because I didn't lose her, she's right here with me, right now.

"Fuck, baby – I missed you so much. I need you – I need you so badly." I murmur against her soft, inviting lips. I slowly nip my way along her jaw, kissing and sucking on that spot just below her ear as I work my way down her throat and take her nipple into my mouth, I twirl my tongue around the sensitive nub in my mouth whilst I pull on the other with my fingers.

"Mmm… Christian – god I need you!" She says, arching her back, pushing her breasts further towards my mouth and my hands as I tease her body, worshiping it with my own.

"Do you know how crazy I was going, spending every single night in your bed and not being able to touch you in the way I wanted? I was driven mad with every moan and groan you made in your sleep. Fuck, Ana!" I murmur against her wet nipple, playfully blowing my warm breath over it and watch it pucker up beautifully.

I can't help the groan that escapes me as she pulls roughly on my hair until my mouth is once more, against hers. I lift her into my arms and sit on the bed, her legs wrap around my waist and her arms lock around my neck as she thrusts her tongue into my mouth, softly nipping along my jaw, taking my earlobe into her mouth as she bites down, hard.

I can't hold back any longer, my dick is rock hard and throbbing almost to the point of pain and the only thing that will soothe it is Ana. I roll us so that she is underneath me, and I take my weight onto my forearms.

"I love you Ana." I state, looking deeply into her eyes as my hand dips into her panties and I find her slick center. "Always so wet." I say as I insert one, then two of my fingers into her warmth, my thumb circling against her clitoris.

"Oh please?" She moans as she pants below me. I bring her right to the edge and as her legs begin to stiffen I pull my fingers away and slip them into my mouth, sucking them clean.

"Mmm, delicious" I smirk down at her. I hook my thumbs into the thin lace of her panties and shred them, pulling the scraps of material away from her.

"Are you sure you're ready for this Ana? I don't want to hurt you."

"Please, I need you … I can't wait any longer… please?" I smile down at her lovingly, positioning myself at her entrance then pin her arms above her head with our fingers interlaced, not to restrain her but simply for the connection as I sink into her slowly.

Fuck.

I groan as I feel her tightly wrapped around me, soft, silky, warm and wet. I pause for a moment, just enjoying the comfort of being ball deep inside her.

"I love you Christian. I love you so much – please?" I lean down and capture her lips with my own, consuming her moans of pleasure as we begin to move.

"God Ana, you're so fucking tight. You feel so good." I whisper against her mouth as we begin to rise together, higher and higher. I let go her hands and thread my fingers into her hair as I kiss and nip at her lips sweetly.

"Christian... please, harder! I won't… break!" I groan. If my baby wants it harder, then harder is what she'll get. I pull back and firmly thrust back into her, the wonderful sound of bare skin slapping against each other is like music to my ears.

"Fuck, Christian… don't stop! I feel Ana's walls start to quiver and I know she's close so I reach down and rub my thumb in circles around her swollen clitoris.

"Ana… god you feel amazing. That's it baby, feel it – feel all of me." I murmur against her neck, leaving warm, wet kisses in my wake.

Her legs stiffen and her back arches towards me as her muscles clench around my length, gripping onto me as I race towards my release.

"Ahh, shit! Christian…ahh!" She moans as she comes around me. I raise my lips to hers and swallow every groan she makes as I increase my pace, thrusting into her with new abandon.

"Fuck! Ana!" My whole body goes ridged as I come in violent bursts inside her. Ana continues to meet my aggressive thrusts with her own and her core clenches around me once more. I press my thumb to her swollen clitoris again as I pull out of her until she begins to shudder and shake from over stimulation.

I roll onto my side, as to not put any pressure on her body; I lie on my side, resting my head on my hand with my elbow bent as we try to catch our breath.

"Are you okay baby? Did I hurt you? Ana please talk to me?" I begin to panic, what if I've hurt her? I was so fucking stupid to give into my primal desire and now I've hurt her.

"Wow that was just what I needed. Thank you – I love you so much and I just needed to know that we're alright. Baby, this is the only way I know how." She smirks, as she also turns onto her side facing me and she lays a gentle peck on my lips. I can't believe she threw my words from years ago back at me. I lean down and push her hair away from her face, her body still shimmering from the light layer of sweat misting over her perfectly soft, pale skin.

"You haven't answered my question, are you alright?" She smiles at me as she caresses my face with her hand.

"Is this smile not big enough of an indication? You didn't hurt me, I promise. I love you Christian Grey. Always"

"I love you too Mrs Grey, forever and ever and ever." Ana smiles shyly at me, kissing my lips once more before turning onto her side. I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her back against my chest with my leg entwined around hers. I lay my hand over her stomach, gently rubbing in small circles and I can almost sense the smile across Ana's face.

"Goodnight Ana, I love you." I move her hair out of the way and place a gentle, open-mouthed wet kiss on her neck and she shivers in appreciation. A small moan escapes her lips.

"I also love you baby Grey, and I can't wait for you to get here!" I whisper against Ana's neck once more whilst still rubbing her slightly swollen belly. I can't wait until her bump gets better – Ana is so attractive when she's round with my baby inside her. I get a rush of pride knowing that a part of me is inside her for nine months.

"Goodnight Christian, I love you so much." I snuggle close to her and I listen to her breaths slow as she falls asleep. I am hovering right on the edge; just before I fall into the land of slumber I hear a wail of frustration.

"Mooom-mommaaa" I hear Liv's voice from the baby monitor that's sitting on my bedside table. She'll probably fall back asleep in a few minutes. I can't wake Ana; she needs her rest, especially after a night of passionate love making.

As I lie there and listen to Olivia I start to think about stuff. It's odd, but when you become a parent you learn to distinguish each cry they make. Some for hunger, some for frustration, some for pain, and some for discomfort because they are lying in a dirty diaper but as Olivia cries again it's not a sound I recognize. It takes me a few moments but it suddenly dawns on me that she's crying because she's afraid. I pull back the covers and get out of bed, pulling on my pyjama pants back on.

"Da, Mommaaa, pees? M-mommmaaaa?" My heart twists as I hear the fear in her voice. I vowed that I'd never allow my children to feel fear or hunger and now I feel like I've failed Olivia, I failed her over and over again. Hell, I failed her before she was even born. I rush into the nursery and she's sitting up in her crib sobbing with her blankie in her hand. When I turn the soft lighting on in her room she looks up at me and her bottom lip trembles as she holds her arms up.

"Daaaa, u-up. Momaaa? Pees?" I feel my eyes tearing up at the anguish I hear in her voice. I hold her to my chest and rub my hand up and down her back trying to calm her, and get her back to sleep but it's not working. Her head is resting on my shoulder as she dry sobs with hiccups.

"Princess, what's the matter? Hmm?"

"Mommaaa?" I know she wants Ana but I don't want to wake her up – she needs all the rest she can get.

"Momma's sleeping sweet pea – you'll see her in the morning. I promise." I sit down in the rocker but she continues to cry. I get up and fetch the pacifier that's hidden in the chest of drawers in her room that she only gets in emergencies; I decide that this is an appropriate time. She opens her mouth and takes it in, suckling on it as she rests her head on my shoulder.

"Shh… shh its okay sweetie, just go back to sleep." I rock her back and forth but she suddenly remembers that she wants her mother and struggles to sit back up, crying with the pacifier still in her mouth.

"Hey, little lady – what's with all the noise?" Ana asks, standing in the doorway with just her robe on.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to wake you – just go back to bed, you need your rest."

Olivia holds out her arms towards her mother, crying and Ana comes in and strokes her fingers through her hair.

"Christian, can you carry her into our room? I don't want to take her because I still feel a little unsteady with my balance and I don't want to be holding her if I fall." I slowly stand up and hold Olivia on my hip and take Ana's hand as we head back to our bedroom.

The lamps are switched on, but as dim as they can go. Ana gets into bed and I sit Olivia on her lap.

"Shh… it's okay baby girl. Momma's here." She says softly, stroking her fingers through her curls and kissing her forehead.

"What?" She asks, noticing that I am watching her intently. I smile and shake my head as I slip under the covers, snuggling up beside Ana and Liv.

As soon as Olivia settles in her mother's lap she starts to nuzzle at her breast. I can't blame her, if I could spend the rest of eternity with my face nuzzled into Ana's breasts I would without a second thought.

"I just love to watch you with our kids; you're an amazing mother, and an amazing wife. Sometimes I wonder what I would have turned out like if I had a mother like you when I was little… would I be any different?" I say, contemplating that very question as I stare deeply at the connection she and Olivia are sharing right now. I wish my mother loved me as much as Ana loves our children.

"We need to sit down and talk all this through, especially regarding your issues with your birth-mom. You need to let go of the past baby, it's done and there is nothing you can do to change any of it." I sign, knowing she's absolutely right.

"You're right Ana, how about we ask Gail to look after the kids tomorrow and we'll go out to the meadow and talk this all through. I want nothing more than to work on myself Ana, I hate feeling like this and I think… I think I'm ready to let it all go. It'll be hard on both of us but I know that with you by my side… I can get through anything." I say, slowly raising my eyes to look into hers, which were glistening with unshed tears.

"Okay, tomorrow – we'll talk." She leaned over and kissed his lips softly. I look down at Olivia, lying content in her mother's arms; I reach out and brush my knuckle down her chubby cheek.

"Momma… pees?" Olivia pleads as she stares up at Ana, pulling at the silky fabric of her robe.

"Ana, if you feel comfortable with it then just let her, you said it would bring her comfort. With everything the two of you endured maybe she just wants to be as close to you as possible?" I say, reaching out and tucking some loose hair behind her ears.

Ana lays Olivia down so their laying side by side whilst facing each other. She unties her robe and Olivia automatically latches onto her nipple and uses her pudgy hand to knead the soft flesh of Ana's breast. I notice that Ana relaxes almost instantly as both of them begin to fall asleep. I reach down and pull the duvet over us and lay my arm over Olivia and rub my hand up and down Ana's back.

"Sweet dreams Olivia. Daddy loves you so much." I say and kiss Olivia's hair.

"Ana, I love you more and more each and every day. Goodnight baby."

"Goodnight Christian, give me a kiss!" She demands, making me chuckle quietly. I lean over Olivia, kissing Ana gently on the lips before lying down and wrapping my arms around them both. I sigh softly in utter contentment as I drift into a peaceful calming sleep.

* * *

_So Ana is back home where she belongs, trying to move on with her life. Will she just forget all about what happened to her at the hands of Allyson, or is her torment just beginning?_

_I hope you have enjoyed this chapter! Originally I had intended to end the story right here but I felt like I still had so much more to give you guys so I'm sticking around with this for another little while._

_Who wants to see Allyson go down… and suffer for what she did to Anna & Olivia? Do you think she should go to see Flynn or Logan? What else will we discover that Allyson has been hiding?_

_With love  
- Susie, xoxo_

_PS: Please feed my review monster if you can, he's extremely hungry, xo_


	71. Chapter 71: Let me in Ana please?

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

Sitting in my office at GEH I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh heavily. The last few months have been tough. From Allyson's pregnancy to Ana and Olivia being taken – it's all just taken its toll on us as a family. On the outside I'm sure we appear normal, happy and in love but underneath everything is falling apart at the seams and I don't know how to fix it.

When Ana came home from the hospital, that night was perfect, she was perfect. I feel like Ana has slipped further and further away from me and I just want my wife back.

When I come home at night, I can tell that she is trying her best to appear and pretend that everything is normal and she is fine but she's not. I just want her to at least talk to me about what happened to her? What did that crazy bitch do? It used to be me who would thrash around in bed at night, terrorized by my nightmares but now it's Ana. I can only imagine what she went through at the hands of Allyson.

I had hoped that somehow, once Allyson was sentenced that Ana would get better, that the closure would bring her comfort but it hasn't, she was sentenced last week. The trial was very quick, and thankfully Ana didn't have to testify. Allyson pled insanity and was found guilty of kidnapping with intent to harm, and assault with the intent to commit murder – resulting in her being sentenced to serve twenty-five years to life imprisonment in a high security psychiatric facility.

I sigh heavily and rub my palms over my face. I can't concentrate on work so what's the point of being here when I can be at home with Ana. I want her to get well again and hiding at the office isn't going to achieve that. I pick up my desk phone and buzz through to Jason.

"Sir?"

"Jason, can you bring the car around, I want to head back home."

"Sure thing sir." I had originally wanted Jason to lose the formalities with me all together but he decided that whenever he is on duty he will address me as Mr Grey, or sir. When we are back at the house he is my head of security as well as my friend.

I buzz through to Andrea next, and tell her to cancel all my appointments for today and reschedule for some time next week. I head out, ignoring pointless requests from staff members I pass in the lobby. The doorman tips his hat to me as I pass through the revolving door. As soon as I slide into the SUV I release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

We drive home in silence, leaving me to watch the world fly by.

"Christian?" Jason's worried voice pulls me out of my jumbled confused thoughts. I look up and notice that we're home. I get out of the car as Jason drives around to the garage. When I walk in the door Teddy and Gracie hang around my neck.

"Daddy, you home early t'day?"

"Yep baby girl, I come home early because I missed you guys so much!" I say as I wrap one arm around Teddy's shoulders and hold Gracie on my hip as I walk into the kitchen.

"Where's mom?" I ask Teddy and he meets my worried eyes with his own.

"She's not feeling well; she took Olivia for a nap about an hour ago. We've been playing with GG." Teddy confesses sadly.

"Does momma love Liv more than us daddy? Momma no play me anymore?" I close my eyes and try to stop my heart from clenching.

"No princess, momma loves you all so much… remember when momma was in the hospital?" I ask, looking into Gracie's eyes and she nods sadly. "Well, momma's still sick and we need to make her better okay – but that doesn't mean that she doesn't love you anymore"

"But she always with Liv, she not too sick to play wif Liv daddy?" I place a kiss on Gracie's forehead and give her a big hug.

"I'm going to go upstairs and see how momma is okay, I'll be back soon and then we can go into the den to play, how does that sound?"

"Yaaaaaay, me loves you daddy."

"I love you too princess." I say as I set her back down on her feet and ruffle my hand through Ted's hair.

"I hope mom gets better soon dad, I miss her."

"I know buddy, I do too." He takes Gracie's hand and runs off with her towards the den. I clasp my hands behind my neck, close my eyes and sigh deeply. What the fuck am I supposed to do to fix us?

As I walk out of the kitchen to go see Ana, I find her sitting on the staircase with her head in her hands sobbing.

"Ana, why are you crying?" I ask as I sit next to her on the stairs. I wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her into my side as I rub my hand up and down her arm. She doesn't respond to me, but I have to try to get through to her. This has gone on long enough. She's almost six months pregnant and our new baby will be with us soon.

"Baby, what's wrong? Please, talk to me – I want to help you but I can't if you won't let me… let me in Ana, please?"

"G-Gracie thinks I don't l-love her?" She turns her head to face me and her red, swollen eyes meet mine; my heart breaks to see her like this.

"Baby, she just doesn't understand what's going on right now… we need to get you well again." I stand up and lift Ana into my arms.

"Where a-are we going?"

"I'm taking you upstairs so we can talk." I head into our bedroom and Olivia is sleeping in the middle of our bed. I sit Ana on the edge of the bed and wrap my arms around her, kissing her temple as I sit beside her.

"Listen to me Ana." I push some loose strands of hair behind her ear and kiss her cheek "In three months' time our son will be here and you're going to need your strength. Sweetheart, I can make you an appointment to see Logan on your own or I can come with you but we need to get you better again. I hate to see you like this Ana; it's killing me to see you so broken."

"I'm… I'm scared though Christian…" I rub my hand across her bump and kiss her forehead.

"What are you scared of? I'll never let anything or anyone hurt you ever again, I'll keep you safe… all of you." I say as I look across to our daughter, sound asleep.

"I'm scared that if I go to see Logan, or I talk about it to anyone… it'll make it all real and that it happened and I couldn't do anything to stop it." Tears roll down her cheeks, and she wipes her nose with the back of her hand.

"I thought we decided that my shirts were better for nose wiping?" I say with a tight smile that doesn't reach my eyes as I offer her my sleeve. I pull her onto my lap and wrap both of my arms around her, holding her tightly to my chest.

"Do you remember, just after we had Teddy, you helped me get over my fear of being a father – when you convinced me to go visit my birth-mom's grave? You said that to move on and be a good father, I had to come to terms with my past? Ana, you need to come to terms with what happened to you and Olivia. I put all my trust and faith in you because you promised you would help me get through it. I'm asking you to do the same with me now… if you want to go and see Logan alone then that's fine but I'm here, right by your side if you want me to be there. I promise I'll help you through this Anastasia Grey, I'll be there every step of the way, forever."

"Okay…" She whispers so quietly that I don't know if I imagined hearing her say it? "Okay, I'll go see Logan but only if you come with me because I can't do this without you." I exhale in relief as I hold her close to me with my eyes closed.

_Thank you… _

"I love you Ana, so much and it's killing me to see you like this… I know you're scared but we'll get through this together!"

* * *

I woke pretty early this morning; Christian was wrapped around me, making me too hot as per usual. I am extremely nervous for today's appointment with Dr Logan. I just wish that I didn't have to deal with any of this but after hearing Gracie ask Christian if I still loved her… well that was the wake-up call I needed. I was so focused on how Olivia and I were feeling; I didn't stop and think about everyone else; which was so selfish.

It's the nightmares that are killing me – sometimes it's just a feeling that we're being followed and other times it's full on flash backs of what happened. I haven't gone into anything with Christian; I even gave my statement to the police alone so he wouldn't have to listen to the gory details. As much as he wants me to talk to him, I don't think he ready to hear what happened.

I need to work on getting myself better and that means facing up to everything that happened.

_You can do this; you can show that crazy bitch that she hasn't won, that she hasn't broken you. You can do it Ana! _I am in shock at my subconscious being supportive.

_There is a first for everything, but don't get too used to it, I can switch back to my snarky self in an instant so beware. _Duly noted, I think to myself as I stare out of the window.

"You ready baby?" He says as he wraps his arms around me from behind. I lay my hands over the top of his where they rest on my bump.

"As ready as I'll ever be. Christian - promise me that no matter what… you won't leave me?" He pulls back from me and my heart sinks. He spins me around by my shoulders and looks deeply into my eyes with a bewildered expression

"I will never leave you Ana… never. I'll be here, right by your side every step of the way. I know how hard this is, I know how hard it is to remember when all you want to do is forget. I love you, and I'm here for you." He places a gentle, sweet kiss on my lips and I just feel… terrified.

Christian lift's Olivia up and holds her on his hip as we head downstairs. I lean over and give Olivia a kiss on her forehead as Christian hands her over to Gail. She's crying and reaching out to me and I feel my heart start to race, squeezing the air from my lungs. I just want to take her in my arms and keep her safe.

"Momma, mommmaaaaaaa?" Liv screams. Holding her arms out towards me. Christian looks me in the eye and squeezes my hand in silent reassurance.

"She'll be okay once we leave. Come on or we'll be late for our appointment." As we head out into the hall I notice Gracie standing, her eyes looked so sad. I couldn't bear it for another millisecond. I pick her up and hold her in my arms, with a kiss on her temple.

"I love you baby girl… always. When momma gets a little better we can go shopping, just the two of us okay?" I ask, as Gracie beams up at me.

"New dresses momma?" For the first time in weeks a giggle escapes my chest and I nod at Gracie.

"Yeah, we'll get new dresses. Daddy and I have to go out so be good for GG okay?" I say, asking for her cooperation as I set her on her feet.

"I be good momma… me love you, and you too daddy" She says as she wraps her arms around Christian's legs.

"Thank you for being such a sweet boy and an amazing big brother – I love you so much my Teddy bear."

"I love you too mom and I just want you to get better…" He admits with the same sad expression as Gracie wore moments ago. They are way too young to be wearing expressions so heartbreakingly sad.

_Do you see what you're selfish ways have done to your children, who you claim to love? You should be ashamed of yourself!_

Christian squeezes the hand he's holding as I run the other through Ted's hair. I want nothing more than to get back to who I used to be. I am going to work as hard as I possibly can. My family deserves a better mother, and a better wife than I'm being at the moment.

**~o0o~**

We pull up in the SUV outside the familiar office of Dr Logan. Right at this moment, I'd rather chew my own hand off than go into that building and relive my torment.

Christian gets out of the car and comes around to my side to help me out. We give our names to the flustered receptionist who is blushing furiously whilst talking to my husband. He takes my hand and leads me to one of the large leather sofas in the waiting room. I try to calm my breathing and concentrate on the soothing reassurance of Christian's thumb caressing the back of my hand.

"Christian, Ana – please come right on in." Dr Logan announces with a smile that I cannot return. We take a seat beside each other, with Logan sitting in her wing back chair in front of us. Christian gives me a reassuring smile and squeezes the hand he's holding.

_Calm down. No one can hurt you here Ana_. I repeat my mantra as I feel my anxiety shoot through the roof. I hate feeling like this.

"So, what can I help you with today then?" She asks as she looks in my eyes, then into Christians. I take a deep breath and begin.

"I'm… I haven't been feeling like myself since everything happened."

"What happened Ana?" Dr Logan asks me; surely Christian has discussed this at length during his normal sessions?

"I'm sure you are already aware of what happened, but there are parts of my memory that are blank, and I can't remember what happened during those periods of time." I snap at her.

"Yes, in a sense I do know what happened. Ana you are trying so hard to repress these memories and in doing so, you're distancing yourself even further. I want to do regression therapy with you. Do you know what that is?" She asks and I look to Christian who shakes his head.

"No, we don't. What would it entail?" Christian asks, sitting a little more forward in his seat.

"It involves putting Ana into a state of light hypnosis – once she's under we'll take her back to the time of her abduction and assault. She'll be able to see everything that happened in her memory, even the parts that she has locked away in her subconscious and better analyse it – to accept it and eventually move on." My stomach twists as I feel bile rise in my throat.

No.

I don't want to go back there, I don't want to remember.

"Ana, I really think regression therapy will help you move on from this difficult situation. Christian will stay with you and hold your hand. You won't be in any danger – we'll be right here with you… and if at any time you feel unsafe or uneasy just tell me and I'll bring you out okay?"

Christian lays his arm across the back of the sofa, stroking the skin at the back of my neck – soothing and calming me at once. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath through my nose and exhale from my mouth.

"It may be able to help you baby, just try it – I promise you I'll be right here by your side. I'll hold your hand and if you're scared at any time, just squeeze my hand real tight. I'll keep you safe baby, I won't let anyone hurt you… I promise." Christian says, emotion running in his sweet words.

I allow myself a few moments to consider having this treatment. I'll be safe in this room and no one will be able to hurt me, Christian will be right beside me… and with him by my side, I can do anything.

"Okay… I'll try it. Promise me that if it gets too much you'll wake me up – I'm scared that you'll leave me lost inside my own head."

"Do you think I'd ever let that happen to you?" Christian asks with a smirk teasing the corners of his mouth but doesn't allow it to develop as he kisses my temple over and over again.

"Are you ready Ana?"

"Yes…" I whisper in a small, scared voice.

"Christian is right beside you Ana, and he's going to stay right here beside you, holding your hand and supporting you throughout this session aren't you Christian?" He gives me a small smile and nods along.

"If at any time you want to hear his voice then just ask and he'll be there to calm you down, won't you Christian?" She asks in a confident tone and manner.

"Absolutely. All you have to do is ask baby because I'm not moving away from this spot unless you're coming with me!" Christian say's in that sure, sharp, commanding voice that used to scare me, but now it soothes me and fills me with comfort and reassurance.

* * *

"Ana, I want you to take three calming, deep breaths – try to relax your mind and your body. Let all your muscles go languid and lax…" I watch her take the breaths as instructed and her body relaxes into the chair.

"Listen to the sound of my voice Ana… I want you to go back to before you were taken. Where are you?" Logan asks, I worriedly meet her eye and she gives me a reassuring nod. Ana squeezes my hand and I stroke my thumb over her knuckles to let her know that I am still right here with her, every step of the way.

"I'm… I'm in the SUV with Luke and Olivia – we're on our way home." Logan scribbles in her leather bound notebook, taking note.

"How do you feel?"

"We're laughing; Luke's telling me how I seem to have a natural ability to piss Christian off."

"What happens next Ana, tell me everything you see." Logan murmurs, still jotting down her notes as Ana recounts what's happening inside her head – I am absolutely terrified that this exorcise is going to make her even worse.

_Have faith Christian…_

I take a deep breath and concentrate on supporting Ana.

"Olivia needs to be changed, she's wearing a dirty diaper and she's stinking up the car so I ask Luke to drop by Escala so I can change her – we're just around the corner."

"Then what Ana? What happens whilst you're inside the apartment at Escala?"

"I change Liv, we're standing at the big windows, watching the city bustling under our feet and Olivia falls asleep. Luke takes the car seat from me and we go down to the garage in the elevator. Once we get back to the car, Luke puts the seat on the floor and I strap Olivia in, then he secures her seat inside the car. I turn to go around to the passenger side when I hear a click then a massive bang – I say to Luke that it's just an engine backfiring but he stares at me, his eyes are wide open and that's when I notice the blood trickling from the corner of his mouth."

Tears stream down Ana's face and I wipe them away. I'm desperately trying to keep it together for her; right now… she needs me to be strong.

"What's happening now Ana?" Logan asks her voice low and calming. Ana is breathing heavily as if she is running or straining herself in some way.

"Luke's bleeding, he slumps to the ground and he speaks to me."

"What does he say Ana, tell me – I need all the details…"

"He tells me to get in the car, before it's too late. He's telling me to leave him behind but I can't. I pull him into the car. I stay low to the ground and move around to the driver's side. I open the door and I'm just about there – I get into the car when I feel someone grab my hair from behind and the person pulls me away from the car. I need to protect Olivia, I need to help Luke."

Ana is literally sobbing and gasping for breath. I want to end this; it's too much for one session. I need to take her home and run her a bubble bath…

"Ana, are you okay to continue? We can stop at any time?"

"No, I want to continue." She all but whispers, gripping onto my hand for dear life.

"Describe what's happening now? Where are you?"

"I'm on the floor in the garage. I'm in pain – I feel like I can't breathe. I struggle to open my eyes but when I do, I see a foot coming at my face, kicking me under the chin so hard that I thought my neck had snapped. A second later I get kicked in the stomach and all the air is forced from my body. I curl into a ball, hoping that I'll hear screeching tires like the last time but no one comes. Then I remember, Olivia and Luke are in danger and I need to protect them!"

"What do you do to protect them Ana?" She asks, meeting my eyes to reassure me that Ana is okay with a small smile on her lips.

"I manage to roll onto my stomach, I'm pulling myself towards the car when the person places Olivia's car seat beside me and the person has a gun – that's when I realise who she is, it's Allyson. I'm scared. She's going to kill the three of us and I can't stop it, I start to cry when she kneels down beside me.

'Oh dear sweet Ana, what ever will we do with you?' She mocks me with her sweet voice and I can't hold onto the tears – I don't want to cry but I can't help it – I just want Christian to find us before it's too late. She tells me to stop crying, that everyone has their time to die and this is mine. She tells me that it won't be quick and she'll make me suffer.

I ask her what I done to make her hate me so much. She sneers at me, saying that I took Christian away from her, I took Richard and I made sure they took her and Christian's son away. I offer to leave him, to just take my kids and go – I promise that he'll never hear from us again but she screams at me, asking if I think she's stupid then she bashes my jaw with the butt of the gun and my mouth fills up with blood. I tell her that she and Christian can be a happy family with their son, if I leave – she can have everything she's wanted but she isn't happy – she paces in front of me then screams at me, saying that she isn't allowed anywhere near her son because of me and I know that I won't make it out of here, I need to find some way of Christian finding us. My cell phone is in the car and I start to panic. I hear Olivia c-cry and I can't get to her. That's when I remember about the tracker that is in Olivia's car seat – I wait until she picks up Olivia and coos at her – slipping my hand under the soft fabric cover of the seat and slip the tracking bug into my closed fist – when Christian comes looking for us, he'll see me taking the bug – I keep thinking that I just have to endure enough to know that he finds Olivia in time."

"Are you alright Ana? Are you still able to continue?" I feel sick. I want to vomit; this is so much harder to listen to than I thought it would be… I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I never imagined it would hurt this much just to hear what was going through her head whilst this was happening?

"I'm alright I need to get this out please – don't leave me Christian I need you…" I squeeze the hand I am holding brush my lips across her temple.

"I'm right here baby, I'm not going anywhere." I try to reassure her and she takes a few more deep breaths to calm herself down.

"Okay, what happens next Ana?"

"She has Olivia in her arms and she's screaming – she's holding her arms out to me and her face is breaking my heart, she doesn't understand why I can't tak-take her… I just want my baby back – please? I beg, I beg her to leave Olivia alone – that it's me who she wants to punish, not her. I plead with her to take me, but not Olivia. She pretends to think about it for a moment then laughs at me and says no. I start screaming for someone to help us but then everything turns black.

"You're doing so well baby – it's alright, I'm right here, you and Olivia are safe. She can't hurt you anymore."

"Where are you now Ana?"

"I hear her voice; she says 'wakey wakey, rise and shine.' In my ear, I feel her lips kissing across my cheek and jaw, she eventually reaches my lips and I am in shock, I am frozen and can't move. She bites my lip until it bleeds.

'Mother fucking whore. I said. Wake. Up!' that's when I hear it whooshing through the air, I scream as it lands on me – I can't breathe the pain is so bad.

'Five bar gate, count!' She demands and I'm too confused and bewildered to say anything.

'I will continue until you start counting, again and again and again. When you reach the five I'll stop… baby' She laughs as she brings the cane back down against my skin and I scream out 'two' and again – each blow an inch before the last.

When I get to four I safe word. I scream out red, red, red but she laughs at me, telling me we aren't playing. That she's going to make me beg for death. I beg her to stop, I pull against the rope but it's no use.

I can hear Olivia screaming for me and she yells at her, I'm telling Allyson that if she lets me hold her she'll stop crying because I'm scared she's going to hit Olivia but she refuses – telling me that she's her mother now. She puts her back in the crib and I am so tired. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up – I'm in agony.

'Allyson, please – I am begging you to let my daughter go' I plead with her, hoping to at least buy some more time. I have to stay strong. I can't give in. I have to keep fighting back.

She tells me that Olivia… that Olivia isn't my daughter anymore, that she's hers and Christians – that they are going to take care of her and all that's left to do is finish me off. She tells me that she'd speed it up a bit but she's enjoying it too much. She grabs me by the hair and starts punching me until I can't see straight.

I'm hovering on the edge of consciousness and I hear a calming woman's voice saying

'Don't give up; he needs you more now than ever. Then I pass out."

Fuck. I can't do this. I want to take Ana in my arms and never let her go, it's no wonder she's being like this. I knew she'd beaten her really badly but I think it's more the mind games that are affecting Ana now.

"Baby, do you want to continue? We can come back another day – I think you need a little break."

"No… This ends today!" She's adamant. Her eyes are still closed, forcing her to relive her horror over and over again.

"Okay Ana, what's happening now? Are you still tied up?"

"Yes. I am tied to the chair, I wake up to Allyson singing to Olivia –"

"What is she singing?" Dr Logan asks, like that is supposed to make any difference to her getting better? I think this is just going to make things worse – but then again – I'm not the psychologist.

"Rock-a-bye baby, Olivia is still crying and Allyson keeps yelling at her that she's her mother and she should treat her with… with respect. She's only a little baby – I feel this ache in my chest. It's killing me – she can hit me all she wants but to listen to Olivia screaming for me and not being able to get to her is killing me slowly. It hurts, god it hurts.

I beg again to let me hold her but she refuses. She says Olivia needs to see her as her source of comfort not me but she's calling out for me, saying 'Momma' Allyson gets really mad, saying that she is her mother now and I just lose it."

"What do you mean by 'lose it'? Explain – tell me what is happening… what do you do Ana? What are you saying, tell me word for word?" She commands, Ana's eyes are shut tightly but a constant stream of tears are pouring in tracks down her face and I try to wipe them away with another tissue but they just keep falling.

"NO, SHE'S MINE YOU MOTHER FUCKING PSYCHO BITCH! ARE YOU REALLY SO STUPID THAT YOU BELIEVE KILLING ME WILL MAKE HIM WANT YOU? HE'LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND SMILE WHILST DOING IT. HE. DOESN'T. WANT. YOU! IT'S ME THAT HE DESIRES, IT'S ME WHO MAKES HIM COME WITH MY TOUCH, IT IS I WHO TOUCHES HIS CHEST, KISSING EACH AND EVERY FUCKING SCAR HE HAS! HE WILL KILL YOU IF ANY HARM COMES TO US; YOU'RE A STUPID, DELUSIONAL LITTLE GIRL WHO IS THROWING WHAT LITTLE LIFE SHE HAS DOWN THE MOTHER FUCKING DRAIN IF YOU BELIEVE THAT DOING ALL THIS WILL MAKE HIM WANT YOU!" Ana screams at the top of her lungs. She squeezes onto my hand as she gasps for breath.

"Are you still alright Ana? Do you want to continue?"

"Y-yes."

"Continue on when you're ready. If you need a break then its okay – I want you to be comfortable Ana." Dr Logan tries to reassure her. I feel like I have been put through an emotional wringer and all I've had to do is listen.

"No, we'll just continue."

"Okay, so you yelled back at Allyson… what happened next?"

"She… she told me things… about Christian." My grip on her hand tightens involuntarily. What could she have possibly told her?"

"What do you mean Ana, tell me exactly what she said – word for word." I stare at Ana's tear-stained face, waiting on her telling us what happened.

"She stands right in front of me… and looks me right in the eye as she says:

'In case you haven't noticed darling, he hasn't shown up. He doesn't give a shit if you live or die. You know, each time we met up for lunch he told me how you didn't, you couldn't, and would never satisfy him. He fucked me so hard, I can still feel his balls slapping against my ass whenever he took me from behind' Then she smirks at me. I growl in frustration and say something I shouldn't have… I just provoked her – if he hadn't found us…"

"What did you say to her Ana? You're doing really well… "

"I told her that she was nothing more than a few welts and a fuck for Christian – that he didn't want her and he never would. I saw something – right in that moment – in her eyes, something snapped and she picked up the metal baton and started to backtrack – I apologized, I said I was sorry and told her that he loves her, and that he didn't want me, that I was nothing, that I couldn't satisfy him just like she said but it didn't work – she just smirked at me and said 'Too late for sorry babe, I'll see you in hell'

I feel the first hit, it lands on my head with a deafening crack but she doesn't stop and slowly the blackness consumes me once more."

"Is there anything else Ana… any little details you can remember?"

"I… I remember seeing Jason grab her from behind… and then Christian knelt beside me and all I could think of was that he found us, he saved Olivia and that was all that mattered – I remember looking into his eyes and telling him that I loved him and our children – and then I slipped away."

"Okay Ana, you did really well… I want you to take another three deep, calming breaths and follow the sound of my voice, three… breaths… two… breaths… one breath… open your eyes for me." Logan says as Ana opens her red, puffy eyes and I pull her into my arms – rocking her from side to side as she buries her face into my neck sobbing.

"I… I begged her to stop and she… she wouldn't. She wouldn't let me go… I can't bear this… I just want my life back." I feel wet tears running down my face as she clings to me for dear life.

"Shh… its okay baby – I've got you… you're alright Ana, you're safe baby." I hold her to my chest, rubbing circles on her back until she's left with nothing more than hiccups. I take another tissue and wipe away her tears, kissing her on the tip of her red nose.

"Can I ask what your fears are right now Ana? Allyson is locked up and is of no threat to you anymore?" Ana is still lying in my lap as she thinks about it for a moment.

"I'm scared to go out anywhere, Allyson managed to shoot Luke in broad daylight without either one of us noticing or feeling any kind of presence or threat and I'm just scared of that happening again – I'm scared to let my guard down because I've already failed Olivia, she won't go to anyone other than me and it's my fault she's like that now… if I'd have just gotten into the car like Luke told me to… but I didn't and look what happened… my sixteen month old daughter is emotionally scarred because of me and I feel like I have to have her in my arms all the time to compensate for what I put her through." Ana says with unimaginable sadness and despair.

"Whoa, baby – no. None of this is your fault. Allyson is the guilty one not you… you were trying to protect everyone Ana… If we're going to play the blame game… then it's my fault. If I hadn't had an affair none of it would have happened anyway. Plus, if I hadn't been an asshole on the phone – you would have already been on the i5 and wouldn't have gone to Escala."

"Christian… Ana?" We both turn our focus onto Logan and she's smiling at us.

"Now that I have your attention. Christian you were right before. None of this situation is either of your faults. Allyson is the one who committed these crimes. Now you can both continue to argue and blame yourselves about the circumstances that led to these events or you can help each other move on. It's completely up to you. I think you would benefit from some continued joint sessions if you are both agreeable to that?" I look towards Ana and she gives me a small, sad smile and nods her head.

"Sure, we want to get over this and get our lives back Logan and we're both willing to do whatever it takes… right Ana?"

"Whatever it takes Mr Grey." She giggles at me and it's like seeing the sun for the first time. My entire body relaxes and I know we've crushed another obstacle in the path of our marriage.

"Okay Ana… I think it's safe to say that you are suffering with mild PTSD which stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder which has resulted in some depression. I am going to write you out a prescription for 'Nortriptyline' which is safe to use when pregnant. I know you probably don't want to take any medication but I believe that these will be of great benefit to your condition right now. I can't stress enough how important it is for both of you to utilize your support system in each other as well as coming here for sessions with me and extended family members that you trust. Ana, please remember that Christian is there for you wholeheartedly and will do everything in his power to help you get better but you have to communicate with him and each other when one or both of you are failing on to be the others support system. Also, I think you may have an issue with co-dependency with Olivia. You both went through a traumatic event which has made you cling to each other. Ana, you must remember that for Olivia to be a normal little girl she has to learn what it means to be independent. She can't cling to you when the little one comes along so you need to help each other cope with giving Olivia some breathing room. I know It's hard to see your daughter cry for you Ana but if you don't nip this in the bud she is going to be really upset and jealous when the baby is born and you don't want her to resent her little brother."

"Okay, I think I can take a step back from Olivia – If I am being honest I think her sleeping in our bed was more for my peace of mind than hers. I've gave in to every little whim she's had over the last three months and I know things have to change."

"I'm so proud of you baby… anything you face, you overcome it and I wish I had half of your strength." I smile down at her, still holding her to my chest.

We say our goodbyes to Logan and head out to the SUV. That has to be the most emotionally draining two hours I have spent in a while. We cruse onto the I-5 and Ana unclips her seatbelt, moving to sit closer to me. I wrap my arm around her as she curls into my chest.

"We'll get through this Christian – we won't fail… not after everything we've gone through to get to this point. I won't let us fail." Ana states, looking me right in the eyes and reaches up to place a gentle peck on my lips, I go to pull away when she threads her hands into my hair and pulls hard. She nibbles on my lower lip, taking it between her teeth and pulling back… darting her tongue out to trace the marks her teeth just left.

"Fuck, Ana – I've missed you so much." I whisper, pulling her onto my lap. She tucks her head under my chin and I wrap my arms around her, burying my nose in her hair and inhale deeply, taking in her sweet scent.

"I know you've missed me, I've missed being me, being us together. I'm back though – everything that's just happened with Logan has helped me so much. I know I'm not a hundred per cent yet but I know I'll get there! Do you want to know, how I know this?" I chuckle, feeling my eyes crinkle at the first true smile that's graced my face in months.

"How baby?"

"Because… I know you won't let me fail."

"Never."

"I love you Christian." She whispers against my chest. I lean down and kiss her hair, closing my eyes at the relief of having _my _Ana in my arms once again.

"I love you too baby," I feel a lump forming in my throat but I squeeze my words out "So, so much."

* * *

_Poor Ana and Christian! :( I have been trying to write longer chapters for you guys. _

_I hope you guys have enjoyed this chapter – I didn't want to drag out the PTSD thing for multiple chapters plus I want to get to enjoying Ana's pregnancy part because last time we didn't get to because Christian was caught doing the nasty-nasty with Allyson. _

_Next Chapter: Running into Richard ~ how will Mr Grey react when he and Ana bump into Richard? How will Christian react when he receives a visiting request from Allyson, saying she needs to see them both and it's a matter of life and death; should he tell Ana when she's just starting to get over the whole ordeal, should he just tear up the request or should he go alone?_

_Tell me what you think of my story in the box below: Feed my review monster – it'll only take a few moments of your time._

_W/L  
-Susie, xo_

_PS: Fair warning, whoever is planning to go to see the new le miserable movie… don't bother! Its rubbish – think Evita meets better CGI and singer's lol. They hardly talk; it's all talking in song and just awful. I don't know why I am adding this to my authors note but hey, I might just save you a wasted $8.00 lol_


	72. Chapter 72: Take me away

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

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****_A/N: This is a massive chapter, totalled at over 13,000. Originally I was going to split the chapter in two but I decided to give this to all of you as a gift. I hope you like the chapter. xo_

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A few weeks have passed since my regression therapy, the days that immediately followed the session blurred together because of the depression and anxiety medicine I was prescribed and this morning is the first day I have woken up feeling somewhat normal.

It has been extremely tense with Olivia. I feel horrible not picking her up and holding her beside me every single moment of the day but she's getting better. She's giggling and playing with her big sister like any normal sixteen month old baby and that gives me a sense of satisfaction.

"Gracie, come here for a second sweetie?" I hold my arms out as Grace launches herself at me.

"Yeah momma? I been good – sharing wif Liv?" She looks so perplexed, thinking that I am going to scold her for not sharing her toys.

"I know baby, I just wanted to give you a big hug. You know that mommy loves you right?"

"Yeah, I love you too momma." She anchors her little arms around my neck and I run my fingers through her unruly curls. Her hair is the most gorgeous color – like sun kissed bronze.

"Do you remember, a few weeks ago – mommy promised that when I was better, we'd go out… just the two of us?" I ask, smiling and kissing her dimpled cheeks.

"Uh… you said we go for dresses?"

"Yeah baby, how about we do that today? We can go get pretty dresses for Grandma Grace's party, then we can have lunch together, how does that sound baby girl?" She giggles and claps her hands, excited to spend some one on one time with me, which makes me feel unbelievably guilty for ignoring Grace and Teddy following the aftermath of the assault.

"Let's go find GG so she can help you get an outfit picked out and I'll get Olivia dressed, okay?" I hold my hand out to her as her little face falls, looking up at me with such sad eyes.

"What? What's wrong sweetie, I thought you wanted to go out with momma?"

"Liv coming too?"

"No silly girl, momma's just going to get her dressed."

"Otay momma." I smile sadly as she runs off on the hunt for Gail.

An hour later we're finally ready. Gracie is wearing a gorgeous, pale pink sweater dress by Tartine et chocolat, paired with some cream Gucci tights and her Gucci ballet flats, and her Burberry trench coat. She looks adorable with a little pink Alice band; which has a bow embellishment, pushing her unruly curls away from her face. I have never been into fashion, or designer labels but Kate and Ava have ignited Gracie with a passion for fashion, she just wants to be like her big cousin.

We get strapped into the car with Reynolds and Ryan. I can't wait until Luke is back on duty, I haven't seen him since everything happened, Christian didn't want me to know how close Luke came to actually dying. His heart stopped several times whilst he was on the operating table, the bullet ruptured his spleen and caused massive internal bleeding, it's been approximately four months since I've seen him and I just miss my friend. He's been in New York, recovering with his families help but he'll be coming home next week and I am so excited to see him. At first I thought Luke had resigned or Christian had fired him and that's when he had to tell me how badly he was hurt. I've spoken to him on the phone around twice a week and so have the kids. I think Christian is more comfortable with our friendship now, knowing that there is absolutely nothing between Luke and I, other than a brotherly/sisterly relationship.

"Where to Mrs Grey?" Ryan asks which drags me out of my reverie.

"Bravern center, then we'll get some lunch. Gracie and I have a lot of shopping to do, don't we princess?" I say, grinning at my daughter.

"Yup, we spend awl daddy's money momma?" I chuckle at my daughter's cuteness, leaning over and give her a kiss. For the first time in a while, I feel optimistic. Caroline has recently opened her own boutique in the Bravern center; I grab my blackberry and decide to give her a call.

"Hello Caroline Acton's, Michelle speaking… how can I help you?"

"Hi, I was wondering if it's possible to see Caroline today?"

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No, I'm just checking to see if she's available because I'm going to be in the area today."

"Um, well I'm sorry but Caroline is an extremely busy stylist and I doubt she has time to see any walk in's." I am getting irritated.

"It doesn't matter; I just thought I'd try on the off chance." I hate using my name to get what I want, so I try to avoid it as much as humanly possible.

"Would you like to make an appointment?" The snotty receptionist asks, sounding so completely bored and uninterested with our conversation and I decide that I am willing to make an exception just this once.

"Yes, that would be wonderful, when will she have time to see me?" I reply sounding overly grateful at her assistance.

"What about, next Monday, which is May 28th at 10am?"

"Yes that'll be fine." I reply, smirking just a little bit. I know Caroline will see me today, especially as I have been a loyal customer and friend for ten years – plus I gave her the capitol to start up her business and clothing line.

"Well, I need your name Miss?" The tone this young lady is using to her clientele is shocking.

"Oh, certainly… forgive me. My name is Mrs Anastasia Grey." All I get is resolute silence on the other end of the line.

"M-Mrs Grey?" Her voice instantly turns into one of dread. Knowing she's fucked up royally. I hear Caroline asking if it's Ana on the phone and the receptionist pass the phone over to her.

"Ana?"

"Hi Caroline, how are you?"

"Good thanks, we need to catch up. I haven't seen you since the week you got out of hospital."

"Yeah, we'll have to arrange to meet up soon. I was wondering if I could drop in to see you this morning since little Gracie and I are heading over that way. I have Grace and Carrick's Coping Together benefit and since I am the size of a house I was wondering if you'd be able to help me out with a dress. Gracie needs one too."

"Sure, when will you get here?" I have a quick look at my watch.

"Probably just before 10am, so I'll see you soon."

"Okay Ana, I'll have some things picked out for you to try on."

"Bye Caroline"

"Bye"

I hang up, taking a quick peek at my daughter as swings her legs back and forth whilst we drive, she looks happy and content; which in turn makes me feel a pang of guilt in my heart. I decide to utilize our travel time to send Christian an email asking if we could meet up with him at the office for lunch.

* * *

**From:** Anastasia Grey  
**Subject: **Plans…  
**Date:** 21st May 2021 9:30AM  
**To:** Christian Grey

Dear Husband.

I am en-route to the Bravern center with Gracie as per our agreement. We're going to, and I quote 'We spend awl daddy's money'.

Before you ask, we're buying dresses for your parents Coping Together benefit, which is one week on Saturday, 2nd June.

Do you have a gap in your meeting schedule to squeeze us in for lunch? I can pick something up at that pizza place or we can eat out?

Love you.  
Mrs G. x

Anastasia Grey, CEO, Grey Publishing Inc.

* * *

**From:** Christian Grey  
**Subject: **I'll always…  
**Date:** 21st May 2021 9:36AM  
**To:** Anastasia Grey

… make time for my girls.

We can do lunch; I've just cleared my afternoon schedule from 1.30pm so I can take you two out for lunch and then we'll just head home. Remind my eldest daughter not to bankrupt me in one morning please.

Anastasia, I am being completely serious when I say you must buy a few things for yourself, spend **our **money on yourself. You deserve a treat.

How are you feeling?

Love you more baby. x

Christian Grey, CEO who can't wait to show his daughter around the office, Grey Enterprise Holdings Inc.

* * *

**From:** Anastasia Grey  
**Subject: **Re: I'll always…  
**Date:** 21st May 2021 9:41AM  
**To:** Christian Grey

I'm still a little anxious but much better knowing that Ryan and Reynolds are with us… who would have thought it, me being happy about multiple security personnel.

Oh don't worry Mr G; I fully intend to get some things for this weekend. I can't wait to have you completely to myself for three whole days, even though I don't know where we're going… as long as we're together, it'll be perfect.

I love you.  
A, xo  
Anastasia Grey, CEO, Grey Publishing Inc.

* * *

**From:** Christian Grey  
**Subject: **Spending money  
**Date:** 21st May 2021 9:48AM  
**To:** Anastasia Grey

Baby,

It's understandable that you feel safer with more security – I want you to feel safe. I am also looking forward to spending some quality time with you this weekend, just the two of us.

I'll see you both when you get to Grey House, remember spend money on yourself as well as the kids. I mean it Mrs Grey.

I love you so much; I can't wait to see you, even though I only saw you less than two hours ago – I'm heading into a meeting right now baby but I'll see you at 1:30pm.

Laters Mrs G!  
Christian Grey, CEO, Grey Enterprise Holdings Inc.

* * *

I can't help but smile as I read Christians last email. I will spend money on myself today, especially in the lingerie department for our weekend getaway. He told me that I will need two dresses, and to pack for warm weather, with bathing suits I assume we'll be going somewhere warm be honest the 'where' isn't important. The past months have been especially tough on Christian, we've had sex once since I woke up from the coma and that was the night I came home from the hospital, the majority of my time was spent with Olivia sleeping in between us in our bed. Even during the day, any time Christian tried to come near me sexually I'd just refuse him and after a while he stopped trying.

Since I started seeing Dr Logan twice a week and taking the pills she prescribed, I've been feeling so much better. All the sexual urges have flooded back to me and I know it's going to be a struggle to wait until our weekend but I want to surprize him and show him how much I love and want him. We discussed my lack libido with Dr Logan and apparently it's a symptom of depression. I burst into tears during that session because I felt like I was failing him, again. He took my hands and said that he'll wait as long as it takes for me to be ready. That whilst I was in the coma he spent so much time trying to prepare himself to live a life without me, that sex doesn't matter, what does matter is that I am by his side and I love him, and right now… that's enough for him. So I can't wait for us to reconnect in the way we know best.

The SUV pulls into a parking spot; Ryan jumps out and opens my door whilst Reynolds unstraps Gracie from her booster seat, holding her hand until I reach them. We head straight into Caroline's boutique, which stocks various designers' clothes for both kids and adults.

I hold Gracie's hand in my own as we're shadowed by security. I walk into the store and head to the receptionists desk, smiling at the young girl who looks as pale as a ghost. She probably thinks that I will tell Caroline about her terrible customer service and she'll lose her job; whilst it's a wonderful thought, I just couldn't do that to someone.

"M-Mrs Grey, Caroline said to send you straight through to dressing room 1. Um… I apologize profusely if I may have seemed a bit… snippy on the telephone"

"It's quite alright Michelle. Just don't do it to anyone else, Caroline's business depends on returning clientele and having an attitude with clients isn't going to facilitate that. I won't say anything this time but try to work on your customer service skills, okay?" I finish with a genuine smile when her face fills with relief.

"I promise Mrs Grey, thank you so much." I give her a nod as she leads us through to the dressing rooms, which are rather spacious and filled with floor to ceiling mirrors that cover every possible angle.

Caroline and one of the other assistants are already in the dressing room when we walk in with a full wrack of clothes for both Gracie and I to try on.

"Hello Gracie pie, you're looking super adorable in your sweater dress." She hugs Grace then turns to me and wraps me in a long embrace

"She's only four and has a keen eye for style already" I giggle and agree.

"That's aunt Kate's influence, absolutely nothing to do with me." Caroline laughs heartily in agreement; she knows how much I hate all the primping that goes along with being in the public eye.

"So, I've selected some gowns for you to try on from some big designers, and a few one off dresses that I have just finished." I beam at her; she's made an extremely successful boutique in just over a year as the majority of her customers at Neiman's have gone with her.

"Awesome, so who is going first then?" I ask eager to get this over with.

"Momma, me try on dresses?"

"Gracie, this is my friend Julie, and she's going to help you try on these pretty dresses, okay sweetie?" Gracie nods excitedly and takes Julies hand to go look at which dress she wants to try on first.

"So how far along are you now?" She asks, pointing at my bump with her chin as she pulls several items off the rack.

"Almost 27 weeks – and I feel like a whale." I can't help the pout that appears on my face. She giggles and shakes her head whilst unzipping one of the garment bags. The gown is floor length; it's black with a sweetheart neck line, and a white sash that sits just underneath my breasts. It's by Dior and it's two sizes too big for me so that it can accommodate my bump and Caroline can alter it to size elsewhere. Once I put it on we both decide that it's not the one.

An hour later we've tried around fifteen gowns and none of them looked right. However I have chosen two evening dresses for our weekend away, and had them pinned for alterations.

We're standing looking in the mirror at the slinky, silver gown, which clings to every curve on my body acting more like a second skin we both look at each other via the mirror and shake our heads. Caroline puts it back in the bag and hangs it on a separate rack. I'm starting to feel disheartened when she looks up at me, something suddenly dawning on her.

"What?" I ask whilst she grins.

"I'll be right back, I forgot about a dress I made a few weeks ago… I think it'll be perfect!" With that she slips out of the room and I focus my attention on my daughter who picked out a dress half an hour ago. It's a beautiful white dress, which sits just below the knee and has small pink flowers dotted all over, with larger pink flowers in a band around the waist. Julia and Gracie paired it with white Mary-Jane shoes, which have a small white flower that sit on the side of the buckle and frilly ankle socks. To finish the outfit off Gracie picked out a white cardigan to keep her warm. She looks absolutely gorgeous in the dress and I'm sure daddy will approve.

To keep her occupied whilst I suffer through my dress dilemma, Julia is giving her a mani-pedi and she's positively delighted. Gracie is a true girly girl, who loves to play with my make-up and try on clothes, shoes and accessories. I am so glad that she has her aunts to help her in the ways of couture fashion because I am clueless.

"Having fun Gracie pie?" I ask, when she looks up her smile is beaming, showing off her adorable dimpled cheeks. She is definitely going to be a heart-breaker, but maybe I'm just bias? Caroline comes back into the room and unzips the most beautifully simple and elegant gown I have ever seen. It's a Grecian style, floor length gown which is pale cream in color. It's got an A-symmetrical, plunging neckline at both the front and back of the dress. A silk ribbon sits just underneath the bust which is gold in color and wraps around, tying in a bow at the back.

"It's beautiful." I say whilst looking at it in awe. I love it – I am praying that it looks good on me because if it doesn't, I'm just going to give up and wear a garbage bag to the party.

She helps me slip it on and we both grin at each other in the mirror.

"It looks beautiful on you honey!"

"I love it, it's gorgeous."

She smiles as I turn to look at it from every possible angle. We decide on a pair of gold, strappy Jimmy Choo's with a four inch heel and the matching gold clutch purse. I have gotten used to walking in high heels so it doesn't scare me like it used to.

She has a pin cushion strapped to her wrist and starts to make adjustments and pinning them in place. Around ten minutes later she carefully helps me out of the dress and puts it back on the hanger. We then choose a gorgeous white and pink Joan Calabrese, ruffled chiffon and satin dress for Olivia, which has a pink satin ribbon that sits just above the waist line and ties in a large bow at the back. The skirt of the dress is layers upon layers of ruffles and it's simply beautiful. We choose a pair of white satin pumps that have a rubber sole since she's toddling around.

Finally we're done and we head for the cash register.

"How long will it take for you to alter the dress?" I ask after I'm dressed. Julia made sure Gracie's nails were dry before helping her back into the tights.

"I'll have it delivered to you for… Thursday, is that suitable for you?"

"That's perfect, thank you for seeing me at such notice, I know how busy you are."

"It's no problem Ana, I'm never too busy to see or help you!"

"Okay, what's the total?" I ask with a smirk. She rings everything up on the register and whistles as she looks at the total.

"That'll be $9875.95" I'll never get used to spending this amount of money on clothes. Once I've paid she makes me promise that Christian and I will join her and Mark for dinner sometime next week. We leave the boutique and head into the Bravern center on the hunt for lingerie. I head into Neiman's and we hit the lingerie section. It's really hard to get sexy underwear when you're pregnant, especially as the garter belts won't fit around my stomach. I eventually decide on two sets and a floor length night gown, which I have to try on and luckily it fits. I check my watch and it's almost 12pm, we don't need to be at Grey house until 1:30pm, as we're heading back to the car Gracie tugs on my hand and looks up at me with puppy dog eyes.

"What is it baby girl?"

"Momma, can we go buiwd-a-bear? Can get me new

bear? Pees?" She clasps her hands together pleading with me to say yes and I can't help myself, I want to see her happy so I agree. We spend around half an hour picking out her bear, grabbing a few outfits and a bed for her new stuffed puppy dog that she named Cupcake. Gracie also helped me pick a bear and outfit for Olivia. Reynolds and Ryan have shadowed us the entire time and if I'm being totally honest, half the time I didn't know they were there.

My stomach is in knots as we get out of the car outside Grey House. Why am I so nervous?

_Probably the fact that you have a shit load of lingerie and you have to wait three agonizing days to wear it and have sex._ I shake the wayward thoughts from my mind because frankly they're making me needier.

The doorman tips his hat with a nod; I smile back at him and return his nod as I walk through the doors holding Gracie's hand. On the way to the elevators I must have heard at least twenty of Christian's employees greet me and smile. We get to the elevator, along with Ryan and Reynolds and ride up to Christian's floor. I check my watch and we're around twenty minutes early, thankfully I allowed Gracie to take her stuffed dog out of its box so she can keep herself occupied with that whilst we wait on Christian.

We step out and I notice Ryan and Reynolds finding a private spot to watch us without being invasive about it.

"Hello Mrs Grey, and hello to you too Miss Grace." Gracie giggles up at her as she rocks back and forth on her heels.

"Hi Andrea, I am guessing that Christian's last meeting is still in progress?"

"Yes he is, but I can buzz him to inform him that you're here if you'd like?"

"Oh no it's okay, Christian informed me that he had a meeting when I emailed him this morning so we'll just take a seat and wait out here." I smile and she nods.

"Would either of you like a glass of water or we have apple juice or orange, which would you prefer?"

"Momma, me want owange juice" I run my fingers through her curls as she peers up at me through her lashes. Her head barely makes it to the top of the desk.

"Orange juice for Gracie please… and I'll just take a bottle of water. Thank you Andrea."

"Oh it's no problem at all." She replies as she leaves to go to what I assume is the staff room and a few moments later she returns with our drinks.

"Is there anything else I can get you Mrs Grey?" I shake my head in reply and she smiles at me once more as she heads back to her desk.

"If you need anything then just give me a shout."

"I will Andrea, thank you."

Gracie sips her orange juice as she swings her legs and babbles to her bear. I am reading an old issue of Cosmo when I hear Christian's voice and a few seconds later he opens the door and an older man comes walking out with Christian, before I could grab her Gracie runs towards her father at some speed and she crashes into his legs.

"Daddy, me misted you today. Me spend awl of your money daddy… on dresses." She says with a grin.

"Well Gracie pie, daddy will just have to make more money then, won't I?"

"Yeah, me need more dresses daddy!" She giggles as Christian transfers her onto his hip and shakes the man's hand.

"So this is your wife and daughter then Grey? I didn't peg you for such a _family _man?"

"Yes this is my wife Ana, and our eldest daughter Grace." Gracie tucked her face into Christian's neck as she's really shy with strangers and I prefer her that way for now.

"I'll have the revised contracts out to you next week, until then if you have further questions or changes please call and set up another appointment."

"Yes, I'll contact you if any questions arise. Goodbye Grey, Ana." He smiles as he walks by.

"Brooks." Christian acknowledges him as he steps into the elevator and watches him until the doors close. I don't know why but I felt incredibly uncomfortable around that man, but I am still slightly paranoid and scared around people.

Christian turns to me and wraps me in his arms and kisses my neck.

"Are you okay baby? Did you buy anything for yourself?" He asks as he takes my hand and leads me into his office with Grace.

"I'm good, yes I did but Caroline has to make alterations. I managed to get a dress for your mother's party, we had to get one that was two sizes too big to accommodate my bump then adjust it everywhere else! I also got two dresses like you requested for our weekend getaway." I say as he holds me to his chest, kissing my hair.

"Good, I'm glad you got some stuff. I am excited to take you away for a few days."

"Well I'm excited for you to take me away."

Christian gathers up some papers and puts them in his briefcase then gets his suit jacket on and calls Taylor to have the car ready. Ryan and Reynolds come in the elevator with us but depart to get into the SUV we arrived in and drive it back to the house whilst we head to Café Vignole on 57th Ave.

Christian selects the penne pasta with sausage and mushroom in a creamy sauce for the both of us and a small portion for Gracie. He wasn't going to order wine in a show of solidarity for me but I insisted so he ordered a bottle of Pinot Grigio to accompany the pasta whilst I ordered soda water and lime which is my newest craving.

We had a great time talking and laughing at Gracie's chatter. Christian smiled the whole way through the meal because I was literally starving and cleared my plate along with a slice of garlic bread. Once Gracie finished the last slice of garlic bread we requested the bill and headed out to the SUV and Taylor. Christian asked him to join us but he politely declined. I think he's having a difficult time with the already blurred line between friend and employee without blurring it further and Christian understands this but when we're at home they have a few beers together and rib each other whilst watching sports. I'm glad he's got Jason as a proper friend that he can trust and relax around.

When we arrive home Gail informs me that Ryan gave her the shopping bags and she left them in the closet. I head upstairs and stash the Agent Provocateur boxes at the back of my chest of drawers. I hang the two dresses in their zip up garment bags on my rack and then do the same with Gracie and Olivia's until Gracie decides that she wants to show her daddy her pretty dress.

"Wow Gracie pie that is a gorgeous dress!" Christian whistles at her as she twirls around, the full skirt spinning out as she turns. I also show him the dress for Olivia and try it on her. She looks absolutely adorable in it.

**~o0o~**

Though keeping my hands to myself for the three days was hard, they seemed to fly by and soon enough it's Friday. We have an early flight so we wake up at around 6.30AM and I dress in a pair of comfy sweats and a hoodie for our flight. I am anxious because this will be the first time I've left Olivia overnight since everything happened. The kids wake up at 7 to get ready for school and we eat breakfast with them. Grace and Carrick arrive shortly after we've finished breakfast since they are staying at our house to look after our rugrats. Soon enough it's time to leave and although I am really looking forward to some alone time with my husband, I still hate leaving my children behind. Taylor loads our bags into the SUV and I have Teddy wrapped in a hug.

"I'll miss you Teddy bear. Be good for grandma Grace and Poppa Carrick okay?" He nods his head as it's leaning against my bump, before I pull away he gently kisses my belly and then my cheek which brings a tear to my eye, damn pregnancy hormones. Gracie is hanging like a limpet off Christian's neck as he kisses her cheeks. Olivia is in Grace's arms so I take her and hold her to my chest and kiss her forehead.

"I love you princess, be good for grandma and grandpa." I want to burst into tears at the thought of leaving them for three days. I shake my head as Christian and I trade off so I can say goodbye to Gracie whilst he holds and kisses Olivia.

"Ana, baby… come, we need to go?" Christian says softly in my ear, and takes my hand. I am completely torn and my anxiety rages as I try to control my emotions. I take a few deep breaths as Dr Logan has suggested and take a step back.

"Ana, I promise – they'll be fine. Go have fun and enjoy the break, you both deserve it, especially after everything you've been through." Grace smiles as she hugs me and I relax in her embrace.

"I'll call the kids before bed time every night, okay?" I ask as Grace holds me at arms-length and kisses my cheek.

"No problem, enjoy yourselves okay?" We nod as Christian helps me into the SUV, closes my door and gets in himself. Once we've got our seatbelts on Taylor heads for Sea-tac.

"I can't wait to have some time alone with you baby." He smiles as he strokes his thumb across my knuckles as he stares lovingly into my eyes and I can't help but smile back.

"I can't wait either, plus I really want to know where we're going Mr Grey?" I ask, raising my eyebrow at him and she smirks.

"I'll tell you once we're aboard the jet, I promise."

"Deal!"

Taylor pulls up to the tarmac and we hop out whilst he loads the luggage in the hold. Stephen and his first officer are awaiting our arrival and greet us as we step onto the jet.

"Mr Grey, Mrs Grey. It's good to see you. We have clear skies all the way, so should be a nice, smooth easy flight."

"Excellent…" Christian and Stephen start talking in plane jargon so I tune out.

"This is Jada and she'll be your flight attendant today." Stephen introduces us and I shake her hand smiling. She's extremely beautiful, long curly blond hair and naturally tanned skin. She looks up at Christian and I see the slight tremble in her hand as she blushes. I smile knowing exactly how awed and intimidated she is right now because I was in her shoes all those years ago when I met Christian for the interview. I never would have imagined I'd live this life… ever!

Jada show's us to our seats and gives Christian a flute of champagne and I get a flute filled with fresh orange juice that's ice cold and refreshing. Soon enough the plane starts taxing down the runway and I squeeze Christian's hands as we begin to take off. Once we reach cruising altitude the seatbelt sign switches off. I turn in my seat and take Christian's hand; I'm almost bouncing with excitement and suspense!

"I can't wait any longer! Please tell me where we're going?" He smiles affectionately and caresses my cheek; I lean into his palm and lay my hand atop of his.

"We're going to New York. I've rented a house in the Hampton's. There's a heated pool, a hot tub, a sauna, a gym and its right beside the beach."

"Really! We're going to the Hamptons; will it be warm enough for the beach? I packed some sun dresses for during the day?"

"I checked the weather forecast and it's apparently going to be around 80°F. Oh and the house is secluded so if you want to lie out in the sun topless I'm not going to complain!" I shake my head and smack him on the thigh.

"Ow!" He pouts and feigns pain.

I take out my iPad and begin to read Jane Austen's Emma. Christian lifts my legs onto his lap and removes my converse and socks, and starts to massage my feet.

_Oh good lord that feels good._ I let out a soft moan and close my eyes as he massages the ball of my foot with his long, skilled fingers.

"Oh that feels good."

"I'm glad, this weekend is all about making you relax and feel good baby."

"You've had just as much stress, maybe even more than I have so I want you to relax and feel good too."

"As long as you're with me, I relax and feel good… except when you're being stubborn and difficult."

"I'm only stubborn and difficult when you're being over-bearing and mercurial!" I smirk and Christian's mouth twitches with the laugh and smile that he's trying to contain.

"Smile, you know you want to… look at that mouth, it's twitching and dying to bust out a smile!" I giggle as he chokes on his laughter.

"So what are we doing when we arrive?"

"We're flying into East Hampton airport, and it's around a 40 minute drive to the house. Once we get there we can do whatever you want until we leave for dinner I've made a reservation at Edgewater for us at 7:30PM"

"So what time will we get to the house?"

"Well it's just a five and a half hour flight and it's 9AM now so we'll get to the house around about 3.15PM, providing traffic is light."

"We can just have a dip in the pool or hot tub until we need to get ready for diner, if that's okay?" I ask, as he moves to massage my other foot.

"That's fine baby, whatever you want to do is good with me." He smiles over at me whilst kneading the skin that the bottom of my toes with his thumbs and I can't help the moan that escapes me. I look over and I see Christian's eyes are closed and he swallows audibly.

"What's the matter?" I ask, worried that something is wrong.

"Nothing baby, nothing at all." I frown at him and reposition my foot in his lap when I feel his erection.

_Oh, the moans from the massage are turning him on. Let's fuck on the plane! _My inner goddess claps her hands excitedly whilst beginning her striptease routine. I want to wait until tonight. I feel my eyes starting to get heavy as Christian continues to rub my feet. This is just pure and utter bliss and I soon find myself falling into a contented sleep.

* * *

"That's fine baby, whatever you want to do is good with me." I say whilst massaging the skin at the base of her toes and she moans loudly.

_Do not get hard, do not get hard, do not get hard! _I close my eyes as I repeat my mantra. It's been a little over three long months since I've had any kind of sexual contact with Ana and it's killing me. There's only so much satisfaction you can get from using your hand. It's wasn't so bad when Olivia was in our bed, sleeping in between us – I could rationalize that I couldn't have sex with my wife because our daughter was in bed with us but even during the day whenever I started to kiss Ana's neck or touch her in a sexual context she'd shrink away from me and tell me she was tired or feeling sick. It was awful, not only because I needed her but because I was terrified that she just didn't want to be with me due to what Allyson, not that I could blame her for that.

I asked Ana numerous times if she'd come to one of my appointments but she refused every time until Gracie asked me if her momma still loved them as much as Olivia; which thankfully jolted Ana into getting help. The first week after her appointment with Logan we spent phasing Olivia out of our bed which was hell, she cried the majority of the night and I was the one who had to go into the nursery to comfort our daughter, because of Ana's co-dependency issue. She spent most of those nights sobbing in my arms because hearing Olivia cry for her brought on flashbacks of the assault. The last two weeks have been sheer torture as Olivia is no longer in our bed, and the only thing between Ana and I in bed is one of my t-shirts and a pair of panties.

After having a lengthy private session with Dr Logan yesterday, we decided it would be better for Ana if I waited until she approached me, that way she would truly be ready and not pressured. Yet I am struggling to remember anything other than Ana's small feet, so close to resting against my cock as I massaged them. The soft moans emitting from her throat we're killing me.

_Do not be tempted, do not be tempted._

What's the matter?" She asks, I can't tell her that her husband is a selfish bastard who wants nothing more than to bend her over this table and fuck her till she screams.

_That's nothing she doesn't already know Grey! _I decide to ignore my inner musings and choose to simply… lie.

"Nothing baby, nothing at all." She furrows her brow but doesn't say anything further and repositions her foot in my lap coming into direct contact with my rock solid cock. I pretend not to notice but I can't help but feel disheartened as she pretends not to notice either. A short while later her breathing slows and her eyes fall closed, her thick, long eyelashes fanning on her cheek. I buzz for Jada to bring one of the soft, fluffy blankets from the cabin and a feather pillow. I recline her seat right back and slip the pillow underneath her head and drape the blanket over her delectable body.

_Lord give me the strength to get through this weekend without trying to fuck my wife!_

I grab my briefcase and begin to annotate in the margins of the contract I've been working on for the past week, anything to distract me from the goddess sleeping on my right.

**~o0o~**

"Ana… baby wake up we're getting ready to land and I need to fix your seat?" She groans and attempts to turn her head the other way, I chuckle at her. Those pills are really making her drowsy. Logan assured me that after four or five weeks those side effects would wear off.

"Baby, Ana… we're going to be landing soon and we need to get your seat up and your belt fastened. I have some orange juice here for you…" She grumbles again but her sleepy blue eyes slowly blink open.

"I slept all the way through the flight?" She asks her voice still thick with sleep. I hand her the glass of ice cold orange juice which she almost gulps down in one. I reach over and fasten Ana's belt then do the same with my own. Jada takes the glass from Ana's hand and heads down to secure it in the galley, then takes her seat as we begin our descent.

Ana clasps my hand tightly as we touch down, she seems to really hate take offs and landings, I'm not quite sure why? I shake that thought as Jada opens the door, and the stairs are secured. Taylor has a black Audi SUV waiting for us on the tarmac for us to use for the duration of our vacation. I feel the excitement that is radiating off Ana in super-charged waves as she takes in the warm temperature and breathes deeply.

Taylor loads our luggage into the trunk of the SUV and we're on our way to Hampton Bays. I have rented the house for two weeks in case Ana wants to extend our vacation; which I doubt but I wanted to be prepared for any and every eventuality.

Eventually we pull into the gravel driveway of the post-modern colonial house we'll be staying in. It has four bedrooms, four and a half bathrooms. There is also a heated outdoor pool and hot tub with loungers at the poolside. There is an extensive gym with every kind of equipment. The majority of the bathrooms are fitted with a Jacuzzi tub. The house is just incredible, and also features a complete wrap around deck, and outdoor fireplace and dining. The pictures of the outdoor lighting were out of this world and I have planned a romantic evening picnic in the back garden of the house for Sunday night, we return to Seattle on Monday afternoon.

Ana turns to look up at me and snakes her arms around my waist, clasping her hands behind me and lays her cheek against my chest. I wrap my arms around her and softly run my fingers through her hair before pulling back and giving her a kiss.

"Christian… this is just wonderful. Thank you for taking me away for the weekend. I love you so much." She whispers whist she shifts her hands to my neck, rubbing her thumbs back and forth.

_Jesus Grey… this is 'waiting on her to make the first move' is going to be a lot harder than you thought!_

* * *

Christian and I take a quick look around the house and it's exquisite, so classy and homey. It doesn't have a sterile feel to it; it's exactly the way a family home should be.

"This place is really something huh?" He murmurs as we head into the master bedroom. There is a massive California king, four poster bed with gorgeous filigree carved into the cherry wood of the bedframe.

"It's amazing. I think it's really tranquil and peaceful out here… don't you agree?" I ask, peeking up at him through my lashes. I smile internally as I watch his Adam's apple bob in his throat.

"I'm going to sort through the luggage and hang everything up and transfer our toiletries into the bathroom.

"Okay baby, I'm just going to make a few calls and fax over the revised contract to Ros and then I'm 100% yours for the rest of this long weekend.

"No problem baby, this will probably take me a while anyway, plus I have to get ready for dinner. So what time will we be leaving here?" I ask as I unzip Christian's suitcase. I grab his shirts and start putting them on coat hangers and transferring them into our temporary wardrobe.

"We'll be leaving here at 7 o'clock and it's almost 4 o'clock now so you have plenty of time to get ready baby, remember we're trying to relax you on this trip, not fry you beyond recognition." He chuckles at my facial expression and although I try to rein it in… I couldn't help but join in.

"Well, I'll be in the den if you need me, I love you." He says as he lays a kiss on my forehead.

I finish unpacking our stuff and head into the bathroom, depositing all our toiletries on the counter. I run the bath and pour in a decent amount of my favourite Jasmine bath oil as the sultry scent invades my nostrils, I feel myself automatically starting to relax. I go back to the bedroom and grab a pair of clean cotton panties, some sleep shorts and a white t-shirt. Once the bath is filled I carefully step into the hot water. I sink down into the bubbles and feel the water caressing my skin.

_Oh this is complete bliss!_

After twenty minutes of just lying in the water, I pick up my strawberry body wash and work it into a creamy lather before washing my skin. Once I'm done I wash my hair, and since I had my whole body waxed yesterday afternoon whilst Christian was at Dr Logan's office so I don't need to shave. I get out of the tub and dry myself with a warm, soft towel. Once I'm done I quickly get my shorts and t-shirt on. I flick my head upside down and wrap my hair into a large towel, twisting it before tucking it in at the back as I head into the bedroom.

I tip my head upside down again, squeezing and twisting the remainder of excess water. I grab my volume booster and comb it through my hair, then begin to dry my hair, still upside down for added bounce. Once it's finally dry I flip my hair back and shake it out until it falls into its natural parting. I remove the t-shirt I was wearing and slip on my robe. I then use my flat iron to curl my hair, picking up sections of hair at random. When I'm satisfied with the curls, I check the back of my hair and which the same amount of curls as the front. Now that my hair is done, I use a clip to pin back the front section of my hair as I move onto applying my make-up.

I have had several lessons on make-up application from both Mia and Kate, and although I have absolutely no interest to do this every single day, it does come in handy at times like this. I apply some tinted moisturiser all over my face then proceed to apply translucent powder to 'set' the foundation. I'm sticking to what I know best and that's: even skin tone, dark smoky eye, nude lips and pale peach blush. When I am happy with the result I remove the clips from the front of my hair and re-curl them with the flat-iron. I look at my watch and its 6:30PM. My hair and make-up are completely finished so all I have to do now is get dressed. I pull one of the Agent Provocateur boxes from behind the chest of drawers in the closet. I open one of the boxes of lingerie and smirk to myself. Christian is definitely going to get a shock when we return to the house tonight. It's going to be really difficult to maintain control over my treacherous body tonight but I won't give in to temptation. Especially since it's been so long since I've felt his hands touch me in an intimate manner or wrapped my thighs around his waist whilst he rocked his hips against mine in a punishing rhythm.

_I thought we weren't going to 'give in to temptation' you haven't even seen the man yet and you're getting wet._ I ignore my subconscious' snarky attitude and focus on getting into the dress without help. Eventually I manage it, with a few curse words along the way… well a lot of curse words but that's beside the point.

I give myself one last look over and I reapply my nude lip gloss, rubbing my lips together to get even coverage. I am wearing a smoky grey dress by Caroline Acton. It's an extremely simple but elegant all at the same time. It's also really flattering to my bump. The dress has lace bodice, which is light grey in color. It has a very deeply plunging neckline and cross-over, with flattering kimono shoulder sleeves and is subtly scattered with silver sequins that catch the light making the dress sparkle very subtly. Underneath the lace bodice is a silk grey ribbon that wraps around just under my breasts and above my bump when tied around my waist and finished with a bow at the back of the dress. The skirt is a richer and darker mocha color and contrasts well with the sparkling lace cuff around the hem of the dress which is the same lace as it is on the bodice. I pair the outfit with a black suede Gucci high heeled pumps and the matching clutch.

I leave a few wisps of hair to frame my face as I gather the rest and swoop it to one side, roughly using bobby grips to pin the curls into place. Once I'm happy with the bun I add a few more grips to make it more secure and give it one more go of holding spray. I am so happy right now.

I decide keep jewellery to a minimum only wearing my wedding and engagement rings, the diamond earrings and the matching pendant. Now that I am completely ready I am excited to go downstairs and see my husband. He'll be shocked that I managed all this primping by myself.

He is standing with his back to the stairway talking to Jason and they're both laughing at something Christian said. Jason looks up and notices me standing at the bottom of the stairs and tells Christian who immediately turns to face me then freezes with a blank look on his face. He is wearing black dress pants, a white linen shirt, unbuttoned at the collar and a black dress jacket. In one word he looks… delicious!

After a few second he slowly smiles and leads me by the hand to the SUV. Once we get inside, I buckle my seat belt and rest my head on Christian's shoulder.

"You are absolutely breathtakingly beautiful Ana." He whispers before pecking my lips.

"You look pretty handsome as well Mr Grey!" I smirk at him as Taylor drives on to the restaurant. I think this is going to be a wonderful weekend.

* * *

"Jason, seriously what is it about women that take them this long to get ready?"

"I have no idea, but if it makes you feel any better Gail is exactly the same. Usually by the time she's finished getting ready, I've starved to death waiting on her." I chuckle at his expression. He focuses behind me and motions with his chin to have a look behind me. I turn around and instantly freeze.

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck.

Ana looks absolutely divine. Jesus I want to pick her up in my arms and take her back to our bedroom to fuck her senseless. This is going to be one hell of a long night. Her hair is in a curly side bun with wisps of hair framing her face. Her make-up is wonderful and she looks positively glowing. I can't help but be completely proud that this woman is not only my wife but the mother of my children and is currently carrying my son inside her belly.

I smile shyly at her and take her hand as we head out to the car. Once we're inside she leans her head on my shoulder

"You are breathtakingly beautiful Ana." I whisper before leaning down and kissing her lips quickly. I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to get through the next three days without attempting to touch her in a sexual manner. I want to lean down and leave open mouthed kisses across her neck. Her scent is engulfing my senses and I feel my pants tighten uncomfortably.

Thankfully the restaurant is a short distance from the house and soon enough Taylor pulls up to the entrance and I go around to Ana's side to help her out of the car whilst Taylor hands over the keys to the valet and receives our ticket. One of the draw backs of coming to the Hampton's is that it's one of the playing grounds for the rich and famous and there are paparazzi everywhere. Taylor keeps them at a distance as they snap their pictures.

We enter the restaurant and are guided so a secluded table and Taylor is shown to a table just to the left of ours. I order him a glass of sparkling water whilst his razor sharp eyes assess everyone who is remotely close to us.

"Can I take your drinks order? Would you like the wine list sir?" The waiter asks as he hands us our menus.

"I'll have a bottle of the Prosecco Rosé" The waiter takes a note and looks towards Ana, who smiles across at me.

"I'll have a glass of soda water and lime, with ice and a lime wedge" He jots it down and gives us both a nod as he leaves.

"Thank you" Ana says before he walks away.

"So… are you enjoying our weekend so far?" I ask.

"It's been wonderful so far Mr Grey, I always enjoy my time with you. The house is just… amazing. How about you, are you enjoying things?" She asks, gazing at me through her lashes.

"I am just glad to spend some time with you, just the two of us… no kids, except blip four." I say with a chuckle and Ana graces me with her giggle as she caresses her bump. The waiter comes back to the table carrying our drinks order. He places Ana's glass and stirrer on the table and opens the sparkling Prosecco, pouring a small amount into the glass for me to taste. I take a sip and nod as he fills up my glass then deposits the bottle into the bucket of ice.

"Are you ready to order?"

"Ana, baby do you know what you want?" I ask, looking from my menu over to her.

"I'll have whatever you're having Mr Grey." She says with a smirk and my mouth pops open in surprize. She always manages to pull the rug from under me. I clear my throat and close my menu.

"We'll have the crab cakes to start please, and the grilled chicken Caesar salad."

"Enjoy your evening sir, ma'am." He nods as us and retreats with our menus. I reach over and clasp Ana's left hand in my own and play with her wedding and engagement bands.

We chat and laugh whilst we wait on our appetizers to be served. I haven't felt this relaxed since before Olivia was born. I've made a complete fuck up of the last eighteen months and it's finally starting to even out.

_She looks happy tonight, really happy. _I find myself grinning shyly over at her as she's positively glowing. I casually look around the room and notice with distain at every other male fucker in this dining room eye-fucking my wife and the funniest part of all is that Ana isn't even aware.

We eat our meals, talking about anything and everything, there's never a lull in the conversation. I grin whenever Ana unleashes her giggle which is like music to my ears because between the coma and her depression I spent so long thinking I'd never hear her giggle again. Ana clears her plate for the second time as I finish mine.

"Oh boy, I'm stuffed." She sighs, rubbing the side of her bump. "I think Blip four enjoyed that." She takes a long drink of her soda water and lime and finishes with a small burp which is followed with an embarrassed giggle.

"Do you have room for desert baby?" I ask, and mentally slap myself when I think of the implication of my words.

"Uh… Ana, I meant actual desert not…. Shit. I didn't-" She stares at me then giggles and I can't help but join in.

"I don't think I could eat another bite if you paid me a million bucks." She sighs, still rubbing her belly. I smile over at her and request the check. Taylor gets up and leaves the restaurant to bring the car around whilst the waiter brings the check over.

A few moments later he returns with my card and the receipt for me to sign. I hand him two hundred dollar bills as I stand to help Ana up from her seat.

"Thank you sir, Ma'am. Have a good evening."

"Thank-you." Ana and I say in unison and we both grin like teenagers. We head out to the car and Taylor opens the door as Ana and I slide into the back. I hold her hand, gently stroking my thumb over her knuckles. I feel the tension, that sexual energy thrumming between us and I know that the challenges of the night for me are only just beginning.

_Oh how the hell am I supposed to control the need I have for my wife?_

* * *

We pull into the gravel driveway of the most gorgeous house in the Hamptons and I cannot wait to get inside. He helps me out of the car and takes my hand as we head inside. Taylor bids us a goodnight as he makes his way to the pool house which is also home to the security suite.

"Did you have a good time tonight baby?" He asks, wrapping his arm around my waist as we walk through the house.

"I had a wonderful evening Christian, it was the best." I say, trying to ignore the fact that my feet are throbbing from teetering on heels all night long and all of a sudden he pauses and bends down to remove my shoes.

"Better?" He smirks up at me.

"Much!" I sigh in relief.

"Are you tired, do you want to head to bed?"

"I am exhausted. Cooking your spawn takes a lot out of a girl you know?" He chuckles and kisses my forehead as I smile. "But I'm not quite ready for bed. I'm going to go upstairs and change into PJ's and we can watch a movie on the flat screen if that's alright with you?"

"Did you pack any sweats or PJ pants for me baby?" He asks as we head upstairs.

"Yeah, here they are." I say as I pass them to him and begin to remove my dress but he quickly averts his gaze.

"Uh… I'll leave you to get undressed in peace and pick out a movie for us to watch." He says as he walks over to me and presses a kiss to my forehead. "I love you Ana, so much" I smile at him as he leaves the room and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. It has been so hard to not pounce on him for the last three days. I am so turned on knowing that he had to leave the room whilst I undress because he needs me as much as I need him. I quickly get out of my dress and grab the silk robe that matches the lingerie set I am wearing.

The bra is black, with flowers embroidered into the sheer lace of the cup; the flowers are positioned so that they cover my nipples, but the top half of the cup is transparent. The panties are the same lace and flower detail but there is a semi-circle of plain sheer lace so that you can see through to where my pubic hair used to be, but the flowers cover the more _delicate _areas. I decided to get my pubic hair completely waxed off when I picked out this set and I'm glad I did. The only time I have ever been bare was when Christian and I were on our honeymoon and I shaved, but not to Mr Perfect's high standards. The wax hurt like hell but I am completely smooth and I think this will shock Christian even more.

I know the last three months have been incredibly hard on Christian. No matter what difficulties we have faced as a couple we've always had the sexual side of our relationship to show each other that we're okay and the PTSD and depression took that from him as well as every other facet of me. Now that the medication has started working I feel like myself again… I am ready to give myself back to my husband in the best way I know how.

* * *

I had to get out of that room before Ana started undressing. I don't know if I could have resisted or kept my promise to wait until she was ready to make the first move. What I am in need of right now is a long, cold shower. I grab one of the blankets from the guest rooms as I make my way downstairs. I leave the blanket in the den and go into the kitchen to prepare two glasses of fresh cranberry juice and sparkling water; I add some ice and a lemon wedge to each and head back into the den. I quickly strip out of my clothes and slip on my pyjama pants on before choosing some romantic comedy movie and put it in the DVD player ready to play when Ana comes down.

I take a moment to take a few deep breaths and I promise myself that I won't try to seduce my wife. When I'm sure that I will keep my promise I begin to relax. A few moments later I hear Ana pad down the stairs and she comes breezing into the den. I audibly swallow as I drink her in.

She is wearing a gorgeous silk robe that cuts off just below her knee, giving me a gorgeous view of her pale, silky smooth legs... fuck; this is going to be one long assed movie. She comes over to the sofa and sits in my lap, and I grab the blanket to cover her up before I do something I know I'll regret. I press play on the remote and the movie starts, not that I concentrate on it because all I can feel is Ana's cheek pressed against the skin of my chest. She tucks her head under my chin and I lay a kiss on her hair.

A little while later I feel Ana's fingers caress my chest and I feel my breathing increase as blood rushes south.

_Oh sweet Jesus._ She turns her head and kisses my chest moving upwards towards my neck and I groan loudly. If she's just teasing me I think I'll die.

"A-Ana, wh-what are you doing?" She giggles against my skin and pulls back to look into my eyes.

"If you don't know what I am doing… then I'm not doing it right?" She says with a pout.

"Oh you're doing it right, trust me. Ana I just want to say that this weekend wasn't some master plan to seduce you. I don't want you to feel pressured into anything you're not ready for… and if you aren't ready then stop now because I don't think I can hold myself back if you continue." She takes a deep breath and moves off my lap and I am completely deflated. I was stupid enough to let myself believe that she really wanted me, and I feel myself tearing up at the thought that she only wanted me because she knew that's the one thing I wanted the very most. I don't want her to see me cry so I turn my head to look the other way and try to subtly wipe my eyes.

_Fuck, what's happening to me?_

Ana stands up, and drops the blanket so it pools at her feet and tries to turn my head to look at her but I resist. I don't want her to see me like this which will make her feel obligated.

"Christian?"

"Yeah?" I cough, trying to keep emotion from my voice.

"Christian, please don't cry… baby please look at me?"

"Ana… I" I stop when I see her robe fall to the floor out of the corner of my eye.

"Christian, I need you… I've needed you for the last three days and it's been so difficult for me to resist you but I wanted to make this weekend special, a fresh start, a new beginning – whatever you want to call it. Please look at me?" I feel my heart start to quicken as her words sink into my ears.

_She wants me?_

I turn to look her in the eye and if I wasn't rock solid before, I sure as fuck am now! My pregnant, beautiful wife is standing in barely there lingerie which takes my breath away.

"Let's go to bed Christian." She says in a husky voice but I'm not going to make it that far. I pull her onto my lap and I wrap my arms around her, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses across her neck.

"Fuck!" –kiss– "I need you Ana!" –kiss– "God I need you so badly" –kiss–. I move down and kiss the swell of her breast above her bra cup. She throws her head back and moans loudly as I bite her nipple through the thin lace fabric of her bra.

"You are so sexy Mrs Grey!" I whisper against the valley between her breasts.

"You make me sexy Christian, it's you… it's always and will only ever be you who can make me feel this way. I love you more than I ever thought possible and… I-I'm sorry for being a shitty wife and a shitty mother over the past few months and I promise that this is us starting afresh right here and now. I love you. I want us to be who we were before all this shit with that psycho." I look up at her with my mouth agape.

_A shitty wife and mother? _ Is that how she feels about herself, fuck no! I take her face in my hands and carefully wipe away her tears with my thumbs.

"Anastasia, you listen to me right now, I never want to hear you call yourself a shitty-anything ever again. I was the cause of all of this, and any time I make a mistake or piss someone off it's you who's left to pay the price and you'll never know how sorry I am, and I also promise that from now on I will be the husband you deserve, and the father our children deserve. You make me a better man and I can't live without you by my side. I love you, so very much."

"I love you too, and the past doesn't matter anymore. It's done and it's over so let's not dwell on it any longer. I want you to take me… hard, and fast! I need it." She says with a seductive smirk.

"Okay baby… let's go up to bed." She moves off my lap and I pick up my discarded clothes, and help Ana into her robe as we walk hand in hand up the stairs.

Once we get into the bedroom I drop the clothes in a pile and scoop Ana up in my arms as I shut the door behind me with my foot. I gently sit Ana on the edge of the bed as I go into the bathroom. I look through the various toiletries laid out on the counter until I find what I was looking for. I kneel on the floor between Ana's eyes with the pack of make-up removing wipes.

"Close your eyes baby" I whisper against her cheek, and wipe the make-up off her eyes. I continue until she's back to her completely natural and beguiling beauty. I smile as I remember the last time I did this for her, it was when I surprised her with a trip to Aspen.

"I don't want you to get a hairpin headache later." I murmur as I pull the pins out of her hair and the long curls cascade down her back.

"I guess make-up doesn't make me as beautiful as it does to others?" She whispers as she opens her eyes to look at me.

"Baby, you cannot look any more beautiful than you do right now." I say as slip the robe off her shoulders and lay my hands on her swollen stomach."

"Son, doesn't your mommy look beautiful?" I whisper with my lips pressed against her bump, a few seconds later we both feel a sharp kick against my right hand.

"See, even our son, who is still cooking agrees with me." She giggles as tears make another appearance down her cheeks.

"Damn pregnancy hormones." She chuckles as she wipes them away.

"I love your pregnancy hormones. I love all of you Ana, every single shade, and every facet of your entire being." I take her face in my hands and kiss her, slowly and deeply until we're gasping for precious air. I reach behind her and unhook her bra, guiding the straps down her arms until it falls to the floor.

"So beautiful." I whisper as I take a nipple in my mouth.

"Oh god!" She moans as she arches her back, thrusting her breasts towards me. I cup her heavy, full breasts in my hands, massaging and kneading them. My tongue flickers across the nipple I have between my lips and nibble it gently with my teeth whilst I twirl the other between my fingers.

"Mmm, that feels so good. I need you Christian. I need you." She mewls as I continue to play with her beautiful breasts. I think I may come forcefully with this pleasure alone; I get up off my knees and hold out my hand.

"Stand up baby." She takes my hand and I pull her into my arms. I kiss her neck, in the way that I've wanted to for weeks but was too afraid that she'd reject me. I shake those thoughts because she is all that matters right here, right now.

I pull back and maintain eye contact as I hook my thumbs into her barely there panties and slowly slide them down her long, luscious legs. I slowly run my hands and eyes from their position on her feet and slowly trail them back up her legs, further and further until I freeze. My eyes are wide as I stare up at Ana's hooded eyes.

"I meant to tell you about that…" She giggles and I can't help myself, I run my tongue over the tip of her clitoris all the way up and over her bare pubic mound.

"So smooth, I like it baby, I like it a lot!" I grin, my face full of salacious delight. I rise to my feet and scoop her into my arms; I set her down on the bed and crawl over her, taking my weight on my locked arms.

"I love you Ana, so very much." I whisper as I leave slow, sucking, wet kisses along the wing of her shoulder, moving towards her neck.

"You smell divine, oh fuck!" I can't help the growl that escapes me as I listen to her contented moans and whimpers of dire need. I feel burning desire lick through my veins as I kiss my way to her breasts, sucking and nibbling on each nipple in turn, continuing down over her bump and I feel my son moving around something fierce.

"Chill out little man, in 18 years you can have all the fun you want." I kiss her bump at its highest point and continue to kiss all the way down underside, working towards her bare and open sex.

"Fuck!" She groans as my tongue licks through her folds, lapping up her juices.

"You taste so sweet baby." I whisper against her swollen flesh as I continue to lick along the length of her folds. Her back arches as I take her clitoris into my mouth, suckling on it, nibbling at it, then thrust my tongue inside her entrance.

"Ahh… shit! Christian… please?" She mewls, fisting her hands in the sheet.

"Shh, I'm right here baby. I'll give you what you need." I murmur as I suckle her clitoris, working her higher and higher and as I feel her legs start to stiffen and I know she's about to fall so I pull back, kissing my way up her body until I reach those full, pink, pouty lips.

"Christian… I need you, I need you so badly, please?" She whispers against my mouth, tasting herself from my lips and tongue.

"Hang on baby, just a little longer." I bite her bottom lip and she groans in frustration. "Baby, sit up on your knees and turn to face the headboard." I whisper, using a sliver of my Dom voice.

"Yes sir." She smirks as she sits up on her knees.

"Open your legs…" She complies and opens them I can hear her laboured pants, I'm not sure if they are from desire or fear?

"Baby, are you okay?" I ask with worry evident in my tone of voice.

"Oh god yes! Please, I need you…" She sounds almost exasperated.

"Open those sexy, long legs a little wider; I'm a big boy baby…" I smirk as she shifts her legs until they are as wide as they can possibly go. I move myself forward so that my closed thighs are in between hers. I grip her hips and pull her backwards so she's sitting on my lap, my cock nestled between my stomach and her lower back. I snake my arms around her waist and rub her bump possessively as she throws her head back against my shoulder.

"I love you so much Ana, so, so much." I whisper as I press my lips against her neck and with my index and forefingers I rub her clitoris in slow circles.

"You like that?" I ask as she whimpers.

"I want you; I need to feel you inside me!"

"Lift that sexy ass in the air baby. Are you ready for me?" I ask whilst I move my fingers to her entrance, slowly slipping them inside her dripping core.

"Fuck! So wet!" She lifts herself up and I take my cock in hand, positioning myself to take her.

"Lower yourself onto me baby… slowly." I gasp and clench my teeth as I feel her sink onto me, wrapping my cock in her wet warmth.

"Oh fuck! Ana, this is going to be quick, it's been so long I know I won't last long!" I grunt through clenched teeth.

"Christian…" She moans low in her throat as she begins to rise and fall, I thrust into her at perfect counter point. I hold onto her hips as I drive upward, harder than before as she gasps and groans she fuels my desire, setting alight my need for her.

"Shit, don't stop, don't stop!" She gasps, moving faster and harder than before. I feel the familiar pull in my balls and I hold off knowing that Ana isn't quite there yet as I want us to come together. I move one hand from her hips and reach in between her legs, rubbing her clitoris in circles.

"Fuck. I'm… so… close! Shit! Harder!" I add more pressure to her clitoris and she slams herself down onto my cock, harder than before as I frantically thrust upwards. I feel her legs tense and her sex clenches my cock greedily as if trying to pull me deeper and the waves of pleasure cascade throughout her body. I thrust upwards three more times as I spurt my release into her in thick streams.

She rests her head against my shoulders and we're both panting, slick with sweat.

"Was that… hard and fast enough for you Mrs Grey?" I ask, still trying to catch my breath and I'm rewarded with her seductive giggle.

"Definitely was Mr Grey!" I slowly pull out of her and she curls up in my lap, kissing my neck over and over again.

"I missed you so fucking much Ana!" I say with every ounce of reverence I hold for my wife. "I love you baby." She nuzzles her cheek against my chest and I feel another sharp kick from within Ana's stomach against mine.

"Ow!" Ana giggles, rubbing the spot our son kicked. "That was a strong kick little one!" She says to her bump.

"It was, even I felt it against my stomach."

I slide Ana off my lap and she lies down, I turn onto my side and stroke our son through her belly as I talk to him quietly. I see and hear Ana's breaths slow as she falls into a peaceful sleep.

"I love you and your mommy so much little man. I very nearly lost the both of you but I promise nothing and no one will ever harm you, your mommy or your brothers and sisters ever again. I'll keep you safe. Goodnight baby boy, have sweet dreams." I whisper against Ana's stomach, peppering her bump with kisses as she sighs contentedly. lay a kiss on her forehead and pull the duvet over us as she turns onto her side, facing away from me out of sheer instinct?

_She's probably awake and heard your whispered promise to her and your children. _The thought makes me smile. I push my bent knee in between her legs and snake my arm around her waist as I pull her to my chest.

"Sweet dreams Ana. I love you so much." I whisper, and kiss her hair before falling into a contented, blissfully happy sleep.

* * *

_A/N: I know I said that this chapter would have Christian and Ana bump into Richard for the first time post Allyson's baby drama. However this chapter just took a life of its own and frankly I wanted a little fun, happy C&A chapter especially after the whole coma situation._

_Next Chapter: Ana decides to impart the information she received from Ella, how will CG handle it? Also, they bump into Richard in the Hamptons, how will Dr Harper handle seeing the one woman who captivated him since his wife pregnant with her 'cheating' husband's child? _

_Please leave me a review if you have time because they motivate me to write really long chapters like this XD I apologize if there are any mistakes, after writing 12,000 words I really couldn't be bothered reading through it all over again so please correct my mistakes... you know who you are ;) xo_

_W/L: Susie, xoxo_


	73. Chapter 73: Dr Dipshit

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

I wake with the sun caressing my skin. I'm warm, too warm. I grin as I feel Christian's leg threaded in between mine and his hand resting on my bump. It's a wonderful feeling, knowing we're going to be okay.

My stomach growls noisily, I quickly cover my mouth with my hand to stifle my giggle so that I don't wake Prince Charming. I untangle him from my body carefully, placing a kiss to his lips gently before I get out of bed; he stirs but doesn't wake. He always looks so young in his sleep. I tip-toe around the room looking for my silk robe; what has he done with it?

I give up looking when little blip four decides that he needs food pronto! I bend down – as best as I can – and pick up Christian's dress shirt and put it on, barely managing to fastening the middle two buttons, then head downstairs.

I really fancy pancakes, bacon and eggs but I don't know if the fridge and pantry are fully stocked with everything I need but there's only one way to find out. I put my iPod into the docking station, set it to shuffle and head into the pantry. I quickly find the flower, eggs and get the milk out of the refrigerator and set about making the batter.

I flip the last pancake onto the stack and place it in the warmer whilst I grill the bacon. I'm lost in the mouth-watering smell of bacon, pancakes and eggs floating around the kitchen when I feel two arms snake around my waist and soft lips kissing my neck.

"Good morning baby!"

"Good morning, did you sleep well?" I ask, smiling as I turn in his arms. "I know I did!" I giggle.

"I slept really, really, really well!" He smirks as he peppers my neck with kisses.

"You did? How come?" I ask, batting my lashes.

"Well you see, my incredibly, sexy, wonderful wife seduced me…"

"It's funny you should say that Mr Grey, because I seduced my sexy, hotshot, CEO of a husband last night and it was… delightfully sinful." I smirk, a small giggle erupting from my throat at his carnal gaze.

"You have absolutely no idea what you're doing to me right now, do you?" I frown, unsure what he means?

"Why, what am I doing?" I ask.

"Baby, you are standing, pregnant and barefoot in my kitchen wearing nothing…" He slips his hand underneath the shirt tail and finds my core, groaning low and deep in his chest "fuck – yep, I was right…absolutely fucking nothing underneath my dress shirt, that's barely fastened might I add… and lastly, you're cooking me breakfast. You… Mrs Grey, are the perfect wife."

"Be sure to remember that when I am being stubborn and argumentative." I smirk back at him.

"Ah, but your only stubborn and argumentative when I am over-bearing and mercurial."

"I love you Christian." I say, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my head against his shoulder whilst he holds me.

"Mrs Grey…?"

"Hmm?" I ask in utter contentment.

"Well you know how I said you were the perfect wife?"

"Hmm?" I respond again, smiling, happy, content, elated.

"I'm deducting points if you burn my bacon!" I pull back and gape up at him as he stands in all his stoic glory.

_Bastard!_

I reward him with a firm slap on his thigh, ooh ringing palm!

"You're just turning me on more baby; I like you feisty!" He leers at me and I choke on my orange juice, spluttering it down my chin in the most unladylike fashion. Christian tskes and shakes his head

"Mrs Grey… here let me clean you up." I hold out the napkin I was going to use for him but he pushes my hand away and lowers his mouth to mines, I part my lips in preparation for his kiss but he bypasses them, kissing my sticky chin, and then moves down my neck in the path of the sticky juice.

"Mmm, uhh… if you… want your breakfast to be edible… ahh… I suggest you stop distracting me!" He chuckles, continuing to kiss my neck soundly, moving down to the tops of my breasts and I gasp, feeling the moisture rushing between my legs. He pulls back and I try to level my breathing.

"Oh no, no Mrs Grey, we can't have that – for what I have planned… we both need sustenance." He moves back from me and I turn my attention back to the bacon under the grill, and as I bend down to pull the try out to turn the bacon a ringing slap lands right on my right butt cheek.

"Hurry up with my breakfast wench, I'm famished!" I rub my behind to take away the sting whilst I giggle and continue on with the task at hand.

~o0o~

"Jeez, I am stuffed. Thank you for my breakfast, but sadly it paled in comparison to my orange juice." I frown…

"You didn't have orange juice, you had coff- " Christian's expression is of a little boy having been caught doing something naughty. I throw my paper napkin at him and shake my head.

"What? I can't help that orange juice happens to taste way better dripping off of you."

"You, are, insatiable Mr Grey." I shake my head even though I am grinning at him.

"Only for you." He whispers, so I lean over and peck his lips.

"I love you." He whispers against my lips.

"So… what is on the agenda for today?" I ask, taking a cautious sip of my hot tea.

"Well… I figured we'd go into town and do some shopping, get some gifts for the kids. We can go pick up something for lunch and eat at the beach?"

"So, you're suggesting shopping for gifts and a picnic at the beach?" I ask smiling at how adorably sweet my fifty can be!

"I believe I am Mrs Grey…" I lift the last slice of buttered toast from the table, moaning as I take a bite and awkwardly push my pregnant self out of my chair.

"I'm going to go get a quick shower and get dressed okay?" I ask as I lean down, placing a buttery kiss on Christian's lips.

"You can bet your pretty little ass that I'll be joining you in that shower Mrs Grey!" He smirks as his hands roam around to my behind, giving both cheeks a firm squeeze which sends a jolt to my groin. He rises from his chair and wraps his arms around my waist, getting as close to me as my pregnant belly will allow.

"You taste and smell like warm toast!" He whispers as he places butterfly kisses to my lips and along my jaw.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I ask with a giggle.

"Oh it's a good thing, a very good thing, did I ever tell you how sexy it is when you wear my dress shirts?" He asks, groaning as he undoes the only two buttons that I managed to fasten due to my bump.

"I think you may have mentioned it…"

"Well, may have or may not; it doesn't matter because I'm telling you right now that it is very, fucking, sexy." He growls, and takes my lower lip between his teeth and tugs sharply. I move my hands from their place on his chest and move them lower until they rest on his hips.

"Come. We're going to get dirty before we get clean!" He leads me upstairs and into the gargantuan shower, allowing me to think of nothing but him and the things he can do to my body.

* * *

I hold Ana's hand tightly in my own as we look through toys for the kids, we ended up getting Teddy, along with countless other gifts, three models to build with me, and I secretly purchased the first model I'd build with blip four, my son. I am so happy, blissfully happy, unbelievably happy. How could it be that just over 24 hours ago I was terrified to be alone with my wife, terrified that I wouldn't be able to control the urge to bury myself inside her?

"Christian, you have been looking at 'baby born' doll for the last ten minutes, if you hold out for another… I, dunno… three months we'll have one… and get this… it actually moves?" I roll my eyes at her in a mock glare, and although I desperately try to hold my facial muscles I can't help break into a grin, laughing whilst throwing the dumb doll in the shopping cart thing.

"I lost my train of thought okay, and I suppose baby born will have to do until you pop my son out of your perfectly, tight and sexy p-"

"If you value your life, and sex privileges… you will not say that word."

"What would you prefer me to call it?"

"Anything but that!" She giggles and slaps my chest.

"Come; let's get more stuff for our children."

"Christian, I don't think the whole Toys 'R' Us store will fit in the luggage hold of our plane sweetie." She bats her lashes at me.

"I know, but when we were kids, dad would always ask Mia 'What are daddies for?' and she'd giggle in her adorable little voice 'To love you and give you money.' I think she was about three at the time." I smile wistfully thinking of the day Grace walked into the house with Mia in her arms.

"I love that you want to give everything to our children, but this is a tad excessive." She smirks and points to both of the loaded-full-to-the-brim shopping carts that are waiting at the checkout waiting for us whilst I hold the one I'm currently intent on filling.

"Okay… maybe the third cart isn't strictly necessary, but can't an excited father of four indulge his children?" I ask, giving her my shy smile. She takes my face into her hands and chastely gives me a kiss that I can't help but deepen. I get lost in the moment when I catch a bright flash briefly blinding me out of the corner of my eye.

"Fucking vultures!" I whisper, resting my forehead against Ana's when she flinches.

"What? Are you okay?" She giggles at my probably panic stricken expression.

"A sharp, strong kick – that's all, he's just reminding us that he's here." She whispers, her eyes glowing and sparkling with the love she already feels for our unborn son. I place my palm to the side of her bulge, softly rubbing to soothe him. I am briefly aware of the continuing snaps of camera's from the paparazzi camped outside the store, but none of that matters, not in this moment. I chuckle, throwing my head back in laughter as Ana's stomach growls.

"I guess the reason he kicked me so damn hard is because he's hungry!" She laughed, continually rubbing her belly in circles.

"I would appear to be so. Come, let's get you two fed."

I take her hand and lead her over to the checkout as several sales assistants start to ring up our purchases.

"That'll be –" I silenced her with a look, she should know by the amount of shit that I've just bought that I am not the type of man who wants to hear the total of his purchases. I pass her my black Amex and she blushes furiously. Does she not see the ring on my finger? Does she not notice my pregnant wife by my side?

"I'll be right back; I need to get a new receipt roll." She murmurs and heads towards the door behind the checkout desk.

She promptly returns and we complete the transaction. She purposely slips a small piece of paper into my hand along with my credit card. She bats her lashes seductively and bites her lip.

_Nope… it appears that we only find Ana's lip biting a capital offence which is punishable by fucking her until she explodes, numerous times per night._

I wrap my arm around Ana's waist as Taylor starts to take out our bags upon bags of toys from the store. I put my card back into my wallet as Ana smirks up at me, knowing the young girls intentions. I open the piece of paper right in front of her and she averts her gaze to the floor, blushing to her roots.

_Again… nope, it's just Ana's blush that makes us hard enough to erupt with zero contact._

My jaw pops open as my eyes skim the note.

_'Whenever you get tired with your boring, pregnant, housewife – give me a call, I'll have you know I'm an excellent fuck and a very naughty girl, why don't you teach me some manners with the thick cock you have stuffed into those tight assed jeans?_

_Lila, x_

_555-508-437'_

I glare at 'Lila' and I feel my jaw tense. I see the insecurity play across her features as she grabs the note from my hand, as she reads it I notice her bottom lip tremble for only a split second before her shutters come down. I know I have to do something to get us back to our blissed out mood of mere moments ago.

I turn Ana's face towards me and growl as I encase her bottom lip between my own, sucking and licking softly. I trail my hand from the bump of my son, down to her delectable ass, giving it a firm squeeze as she groans I chuckle.

"I love **you, **Ana, so much. Come, let's get you and our son fed. Then… we can have some _alone _time." I whisper, loud enough for the tramp behind the desk to hear. Ana giggles, placing her palms flat against my chest, laying a small kiss right above my heart.

"I love you too." She says, looking lovingly into my eyes like I'm the only person she can see. I hear a discrete cough and I somehow manage to tear my gaze from Ana's azure blue eyes.

"The shopping is loaded into the SUV and we're set to depart whenever you're ready sir." I turn to look at Lila and she looks like she wants the ground to open up and swallow her.

"You… are disgusting. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself. I wonder what your parents would think if they saw this note. You're damn lucky that my wife is squeezing my hand and trying to pull me out of this store or I'd be having a very colorful chat with your employer." I look to Ana and she is silently pleading with me to leave so I lift her hand to my lips and kiss her wedding and engagement rings and lead her out of the store.

"Baby, are you alright?" She asks as we get in the SUV.

"Never better Ana… I have you." She smiles shyly as Taylor pulls into traffic but I can't tear my gaze from Ana's perfect face.

Originally I had planned to go straight to the restaurant then to the beach but according to Ana, neither of us was really dressed for _the beach! _

_Women…?_

~o0o~

"Ana, what the heck is taking you so long? By the time we get there the sun will have set." I say, a faint trace of annoyance and impatience flitting through my voice.

_I fucking hate waiting!_

"I'm just coming!" She shouted from the bathroom. Around ten minutes later she emerged at the top of the staircase wearing a yellow, strapless sun dress, flip-flops and her hair pulled into a top knot-messy-bun and small diamond studs in her ears. She looks perfect; she is everything any man would ever dream for in a wife and I am so happy that she's forgiven me for every past transgression I've ever committed.

Whilst she was getting ready I ordered our lunch, planning to quickly stop at the restaurant to pick up our food on the way to the beach.

We get into the car and I pick up the picnic basket from the restaurant, along with the tartan blanket we purchased in London on our honeymoon, along with a few towels and a bottle of sunscreen.

It wasn't until I was sitting on the blanket with the sun beating on my bare chest, wearing loose fitting shorts which allowed the sun to soak into my legs.

"Isn't this just blissful?" Ana asks, dreamily looking out at the ocean, various families and couples just enjoying their time together in the warm weather.

"It's wonderful, calming and peaceful. I like it here. Thanks for insisting I changed into shorts. I would be sweating like crazy if I had worn the jeans." I murmur, as I take a bite of the cold grilled chicken and tomato pasta salad we had picked up on the way over here.

"No thanks needed, your bare chest is more than enough to thank me baby." She fucking winks at me then giggles at my open mouthed expression. She takes a long slurp of her blue raspberry slushy then licks her bottom lip.

Fuck.

"This is delicious. I never thought I'd enjoy cold pasta as much as I'm enjoying this." She closes her eyes and moans as she chews. My shorts; which are really baggy start to become tight.

We talk and laugh whilst finishing off our pasta, I put the boxes back into the basket and take out the slice of strawberry swirl cheesecake and I notice Ana's eyes widen and she licks her lips in anticipation.

"You want some?" I ask as I place a forkful into my mouth and moan, loudly.

"Uh-huh!" Ana states, crawling over the blanket to get closer to me.

"Here you go baby, open wide…" I murmur, smirking and just as the fork touches her lips I take it back and eat it myself.

"Christian! That's so unfair, give me some…" She pouts, her bottom lip jutting out with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry baby, I couldn't resist. Here, you'll enjoy this!" I whisper as her mouth closes around the fork and her eyes flutter closed as she chews!

"Oh god, that taste's freaking awesome!" I chuckle at her expression. I feed her the rest, pausing to kiss away the remnants of cake off her lips in between every forkful. When I'd fed her the last bite she threaded her hands into my hair and crushed my lips against hers. She tastes like cheesecake and my favourite taste of all… _Ana._

"I am totally stuffed." She whispers as I hover over her, her arms wrapped around me as she runs her nails across my back, making me shiver with need.

"I love you, so much." I murmur against her lips, trailing my own along her delicate jawline, pausing to lightly suck that spot below her ear that drives her crazy.

"I love you more!" She giggles and I shake my head.

"Not possible!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nope!" I smirk, popping the 'p'

"Okay then… I agree that you are right and I don't love you more than you love me!"

"Is that so Mrs Grey?"

"Yup!" She smirks, popping the 'p' as I did before. I grasp her hands and hold them above her head, blowing raspberries on her neck as she giggles and wriggles underneath me.

"What was that? I can't hear you from all the laughter baby!" I chuckle, transferring both her hands into one of mine and using the other to tickle her ribs whilst continuing with raspberry blowing her neck. She's panting and still giggling when I lay my lips on hers. Our laughing mood vanishes and desire takes over.

I don't lie any of my weight on her stomach, it just barely brushes against my abdomen. I bite her lower lip when I feel our son kicking me from within his mother and Ana winces.

"Ooh, that was a strong one! I don't think our son approves of you torturing his mother then trying to seduce her afterwards!" She giggles up at me and I can't help but chuckle back.

"Is that so little man?" I ask, and since Ana's wearing a bikini under her sundress I have no problem hiking up the dress, revealing her swollen belly and trail kisses over the top of our unborn son. He kicks again, landing right on my lips.

"I don't think he likes it when you make me all excited and breathless!" Ana laughs, rubbing the side of her belly.

"I love mommy though little man and I love you too!" I whisper, pressing my lips to her belly as I speak so that our son feels the vibrations and hears my voice.

"I can't wait to meet you, and hold you in my arms. I bought you some presents today and when you're a big boy we'll build them together just like I do with your big brother." I kiss her bump, holding my hands at either side rubbing in circles trying to soothe him.

"Have you thought of any names baby?" I ask, looking up at Ana as she tries to lean up on her forearms to look at me, I am lying flat on my stomach in between Ana's legs, my palms still rubbing circles on her bump as I kiss the underside.

"Not really, I mean – I know what I want his middle name to be." Her eyes twinkle as the look she gives me shines with so much love and devotion. It takes my breath away and disarms me completely.

"What's his middle name then baby?" I ask, pausing to kiss our son and look back up at her perfect face.

"Well, since we named Teddy after my dad, I thought we could name him after your dad. I'd like his middle name to be Carrick." She smiles shyly and bites her lower lip and I feel my eyes start to prick.

_You're being such a girl right now Grey, snap out of it!_

"Thank you Ana… I don't even know what to say – he'll be thrilled." She giggles and hooks her legs around my ass, squeezing me like she's hugging me with her legs and to be honest, it's rather pleasant.

"You think?" She asks a slight frown forming the softest 'V' between her brows. I shake my head.

"Of course he will, to be honest I think he hoped Olivia would be a boy since we called Gracie after mom."

"Well, we can tell him when we go home." I smile and kiss her stomach again, I can't help myself – I just love it when she's pregnant.

_Yeah, especially when you were fucking Allyson. _I ignore that thought and concentrate on Ana.

"How would you feel if we named him after you? I think Christian Carrick Grey Jr. sounds wonderful?" I appreciate the sentiment behind the offer but I'd rather not.

"I'd rather he have his own first name, his own identity baby."

"What about Riley?" She offers and I shake my head again.

"What about Noah?" I ask and she bursts out laughing "I'm guessing that's a no then?" I laugh and she shakes her head.

"No. I'm sorry, but no." She laughs again, lying back and covering her face with giggles.

"What's so funny?" I ask, tickling her ribs again.

"Okay, okay I'm not laughing." She tries her best to remain expressionless but I burst out laughing at her attempt.

"I don't even know what we're laughing at?" I attempt to say through our continued laughter.

"Neither do I" she giggles as she wipes away the tears from laughing then abruptly ends her laughter and makes the cutest embarrassed expression I have ever seen!

"What?" I ask as she flushes.

"I think I just peed a little bit from laughing!" She whispers, covering her face with her hands." I crawl up her body and peel her hands from her face and she pouts up at me."

"Baby, you're pregnant – things like this happen. Don't worry about it!" I kiss her pouty lips and look her in the eyes "Would it gross you out if I said that I still want you when you're 80 and have zero bladder control?" She looks horrified then slaps my shoulder.

"EW! That's… oh that's just… eurgh! If I ever become like that I'll expect you to trade me in for a younger model!"

"Never, even when you've lost control of your bladder; I'll still be rock solid for you." She pauses for a beat and then bursts out laughing again.

"Ana, what about the names Henry or Matthew?" I ask, still holding her belly and her beautiful face forms the most adorable, emotional, affectionate smile.

"Matthew Carrick Grey? I think we have a name for you little one!" She says to her bump.

"Did you hear that Matthew, you have a name baby boy." I kiss all over her belly, down the underside when he kicks my lips again.

"I think this one is having sharing issues already!" I say, looking up into her pools of blue.

"He takes after his father…" She giggles and I blow raspberries on her belly as she squirms under me.

"Stooopp! Please, nooo stop! I'm sorry, I'm sorryyy!" She laughs. "Are those lips going to be permanently attached to my belly until Matty is born, because mines are kind of lonely up here?"

"I'm sorry baby… we can't have those pouty lips lonely." I whisper huskily as I move up her delectable body and slowly and deeply kiss her, nibbling on that bottom lip, tugging at it as I lick my tongue across the seam of her lips as she gasps at the sensation I take my cue to thrust my tongue into her mouth, tasting her sweetness. Fuck, I need her.

"Let's get you home before I fuck you on this beach and get us arrested." I quickly stand up and I notice the person sitting on a blanket with a baby right next to us, staring with obvious jealousy.

"Richard?" Ana asks, shielding her eyes from the sun.

"Hey Ana… you look good." He smiles sadly.

_Dr Fucking Dipshit?!_

* * *

_Firstly I'd like to apologize profusely for my complete lack of updation - that isn't even a word but shh! Anyway, I had a little writers block and I'm not completely over it but I am trying. I was going to do the whole bumping into Richard thing in one chapter but that would have taken longer and I'm sure you guys would rather have a 4000 word chapter than waiting god knows how much longer. _

_I hope you enjoy & review – I am hoping to have another update for you tomorrow but we'll see ._

_W/L  
-S, xo_


	74. Chapter 74: Gods of Fate

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

"Come on Ollie, we're going to have lots of fun at the beach buddy." I say to my eight month old son as I lift him from his car seat. This is our first vacation of many and I am all prepared for some fun in the sun with my little man.

"Daaaadada!" Oliver squeals as he goes ridged with excitement.

"Yes, daddy. Let's go son." I lower him into his stroller, and then proceed to unload the rest of our stuff. Once we're ready we take off for the soft sandy beach whilst Ollie giggles and garbles the whole way. I know this is going to be a wonderful day with my son and even though it's hard being a single father I am nothing but thankful to have him in my life.

We pick out the perfect spot and I lay out the soft blanket, I lift my beautiful son out of his stroller and sit him in the middle of the blanket. I open up our parasol and make sure he is safely in the shade so the sun doesn't burn him or make him sick. I hand him a set of plastic keys that he can play with whilst I unpack his other toys and sit them in front of him whilst fish out our snacks. I make him laugh and smile as I take lots of pictures to document our first vacation of many to come. I feel like we both need to cool off a little so I scoop him into my arms and we head down, I step into the water as the waves break around my ankles and hold Oliver under the arms whilst I slowly lower his little toes into the water. I laugh as he pulls his knee's up but eventually he starts to kick his legs as we both enjoy the cooling effect of the salty water he's kicking around.

"Is this fun baby boy?" I ask as he giggles and kicks his feet, obviously having a blast with the water. After another five minutes I hold him on my hip and he starts to fuss.

"Shh… I know you had fun but daddy doesn't want you to get a chill from the water, plus you must be hungry." I say to distract him as we head back to our spot and I lay Oliver down on the blanket, applying plenty sunscreen over his entire body. I make sure to put his sunhat back on as I take him in my arms to give him his cold bottle, within a few moments he falls asleep.

I take a moment to look around at the countless families enjoying their day of sunshine at the beach, having fun, together. Is this it for me? Am I always going to be alone?

_You aren't alone, you have Oliver and he is all you need._

I know my inner voice is right but I can't help but feel like I'll never be truly happy or truly fulfilled whilst I am alone. This can't be it for me; I won't let that happen. I turn to look at the couple making out on their blanket on my right and I smile as he tortures her by blowing raspberry kisses all over her neck and starts to tickle her ribs, she immediately squirms and wiggles and a beautiful giggle passes her lips. I can't stop the shiver that passes through me as I recognize the owner of that giggle as I instantly stiffen in every sense of the word.

Holy Goat Fucker!

Ana.

I watch them, torturing myself by watching their obvious happiness and frivolity.

_I wish I had that, I wish she was mine._

It isn't until I watch him hike her dress up and he kisses her swollen belly that I realise she's pregnant, quite far along it seems.

What if…?

No!

Could it…?

I do the mental arithmetic in my head, we got together at the end of August and it's now the middle of May so she'd have to be almost nine months pregnant for it to be mine; I know I wore a condom but they break all the time.

_Please let it be mine._

* * *

"I'm sorry baby… we can't have those pouty lips lonely." Christian murmurs, desire evident in his tone and I feel my core pulse with need for him. I want him, right here, right now.

_This is a family beach for fucks sake! _My subconscious shrieks at me like a banshee and even though I agree with her, I still want him.

He moves up my body and deeply kisses me, running the tip of his tongue across my lips pleading for entrance which I automatically grant. His tongue thrusts into my mouth and I taste his spice, his masculine all _Christian _taste – which is just utterly… delicious.

"Let's get you home before I fuck you on this beach and get us arrested." He pants as he quickly stands up, thankfully he is wearing very baggy shorts or we'd definitely have a situation going on. I watch is beautiful face, his strong sculptured jawline, his straight nose, those soft, silky lips and finally I rest on his gorgeous grey eyes.

_Mine_

I hold out my hands for him to help me up but in the split second that I do I notice his stunning features which were just so relaxed mere seconds ago rearrange into his patented scowl as he glares at some poor unsuspecting gentleman who is holding a sleeping baby in his lap for fuck sake. The poor guy's wife is probably around here somewhere. I am about to smack Christian on the leg –since that's the only place I can reach right now – but stop when I look at his face.

No, it can't be… can it? I cup my hand above my eyes to shield them from the suns glare.

"Richard?" I ask, my tone disbelieving and hoping that I am wrong and that he isn't who I think he is.

"Ana… you look good."

Shit.

Christian helps me up and clings to my side, kissing my temple wetly, obviously staking his claim. He doesn't have to worry; I don't want anyone but him, ever.

"Hi…" I whisper, completely stunned. If Christian's arm wasn't wrapped around my waist I think I would have swayed from the sheer shock of it all.

"I can see that congratulations are in order…" I watch his face and I can see hope flare in his eyes – he can't possibly think? If Christian realises what's going through Richards mind right now, I won't be able to hold him back, my hand instinctively goes to my belly.

"Yes, _we're_ really excited it's _our_ fourth." I subtly stress the words with a smile that doesn't reach my eyes. I shift my gaze to Christian and if looks could kill, Richard would be dead.

"How… how f-far along are you Ana?" His voice falters, breaking through his transparent 'calm' façade and by the way Christian's arm tightens around me, I know he noticed too. I place my hand atop of Christian's which is on my hip, with white knuckle grip in hope that I convey a message of restraint.

"How. Dare. You? You…" He laughs one short, sharp sound that reverberates around my ears which sounds more like a scoff than anything else "You think that the baby boy my wife is carrying inside her is yours Dr Harper?" Christian asks his voice velvet soft and chilling. He's completely detached from the white hot rage I know he's feeling and even though I squeeze the hand that's against my hip, that's underneath my own so tightly, he either can't or won't look at me.

I focus my eyes onto Richard; his jaw is tense and his eyes just as hard as Christians. Shit. This isn't going to end well. I turn my neck slightly to get Taylor's attention but he's already walking quickly towards us, with his right hand resting on his holstered weapon.

"Well, let me be completely fucking crystal clear for you Harper." He growls, his teeth slightly bared, my heart is racing and I feel like I can't breathe "The baby my wife is carrying, is no more yours than the one in your arms." Christian growls, glaring down at Richard, and I see the hurt fall across his face as he looks down at the little boy he calls his son.

"Christian."

"No Ana, he's fucking sitting there, thinking that MY son is his… and that MY wife is carrying his child. It's not fucking right." I feel tears spring to my eyes, I try to even out my breathing but it's not working.

"I'm six months pregnant Richard, does that answer your question?" I ask, my voice betraying my unflappable calm exterior that I am trying to project. He nods once and lowers his son into the stroller before standing straight, glaring at Christian.

"Oliver is MY son, in every possible way. I feed him, I change him, I play with him and every night I put him to bed and kiss his forehead before turning off his light. I am his father and nothing you or anyone else can say will ever change that." His chest is heaving and his blue eyes are flared with anger.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night Harper. Just remember who pulled several strings to get him released into your care, who sped up the adoption process – all it takes is one phone call to bring your 'father' routine to an abrupt end." I pull out of Christian's hold, unable and unwilling to look at him because I am disgusted at his threat. I feel my eyes brim with tears, is he really capable of sending a little boy into the care system for nothing?

"Richard, please don't lose any sleep at night over that – I won't let it happen." I whisper, my voice thick with restrained tears.

"I'm going to the car." I squeeze the words past the large lump in my throat as my heart thumps, hurting me with every tortured beat.

"Harper you've ruined my wife's fucking day asshole, did you not see how much of a good time we were having?"

"Come baby, let's get out of here." He reaches for my hand but I take a step back and refuse to look at him.

"Ana?" He has the gall to act confused and hurt, well join the fucking club mister.

"I'll be in the car, I want to go home." I don't wait for a reply, I just turn around, pick up my purse and walk away with tears running down my chin and dripping onto my chest. I reach in and grab my sunglasses to cover the fact that I am crying.

I unlock the car and jump in the front passenger seat; I don't want to sit beside the asshole that is my husband. I admit that Richard was out of line to think that I could be pregnant with his baby; I mean we used protection. That however, didn't give Christian the right to threaten him with losing his son or to bring up the fact that the he isn't Oliver's biological father, how completely hypocritical? Does he feel the same about his parents who aren't 'really' his? I am lost to my thoughts when someone knocks on the window. I turn around and see Christian leaning against the window, his forehead pressed against the glass.

"Baby, please – don't let that asshole ruin our day, get in the back seat and we'll go back to the house and get ready for diner, please?" I snort and roll down the window.

"The only asshole that's ruined my day is looking right at me." And before he can reply I push the button to raise the window back up.

"Fuck! Damn it Ana… please don't shut me out." After an eternal fifteen minutes of begging he gives up and gets into the driver's side.

"If you're driving, I'm getting in the back." I say in a monotone voice, refusing to even glance at him but I notice that his hands slide through his hair before slamming his hand down onto the wheel, causing me to flinch.

"I don't know what I've even done to deserve this Ana – fuck, he was insinuating… he thought you were having his baby Ana – how do you think that made me feel?" I snort, and I bite my tongue, holding onto the words that are sitting right on the tip, ready and waiting to be fired like bullets. I feel his eyes bore into the side of my face but I stare straight ahead, never relenting, never looking at him. He really disgusted me with that threat and the crazy thing is he doesn't even realise.

"Taylor, evidently you are required to drive." He says, sounding like his usual, self-important, arrogant self.

~o0o~

I completely disregard protocol and as soon as we come to a stop I am up and out of the car. I trudge across the gravel driveway and enter the house, slamming the door for added effect. I quickly go upstairs to 'our' bedroom and sit down, forcing myself to breathe and calm down, stressing myself out isn't good for Matthew but Christian doesn't seem to give a shit about that when he has aggressive pissing contests.

"Ana… baby, please can we at least talk about this? I don't know what I am specifically apologizing for but I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry." He cannot possibly be so obtuse.

"You really don't have a clue, an inclination perhaps?"

"What the fuck are you talking about Ana?" He yells, his chest rising and falling with urgency.

"I had to stand there and watch the way he looked at you, I seen the desire flare in his eyes as he watched you!" His eyes are burning into my soul but his stern look doesn't intimidate me like it used to. I am a 31 year old woman and I'll stand my fucking ground.

"That may be so Christian, but you shouldn't have reacted that way – I thought that we were over your jealousy issues."

"Don't fucking tell me it's my 'Jealousy' issues – he practically asked you if you were having his fucking BABY, how did you expect me to react?"

"But I'm not pregnant with his child. Regardless of what HE thought YOU know different… yet you continued to rip the man to shreds!" He doesn't respond, he just looks at me with his impassive expression.

"Christian, how could you threaten to take his son from him? Would you really send that beautiful little boy into the care system? Really?" He sighs heavily, raking his fingers through his just-fucked hair.

"No, of course not! I don't know why I said that… I just wanted to hurt him like he hurt me Ana." His face is so tortured, and even though I am mad as hell at him my heart still hurts for his pain.

"What do you mean? You're always saying to me that I need to let you in – and It's a two-way street. Talk to me, I am your wife and I love you more than words can say but you frustrate me like no other." I say to him, maintaining eye contact, staring into his soul.

"I just can't handle seeing or being anywhere near your ex-lover's Ana – it hurts too much and I can't bear it. That's why I was on the defensive at the beach." I cannot believe he just had the stupidity to use _that _excuse, because let's face it; I've had to deal with the shit from his kaleidoscopic sex life from the moment we met!

"Firstly, it's ex-lov_er_, not lov_ers_. How many times have I had to tolerate women who have had you? Let's see, first there was Leila, who held me at gun point, and then there was Elena who has verbally accosted me numerous times and generally hates my guts, and leaving the best to last, there was Allyson! Now you may remember she had a whole fucking host of issues; namely being pregnant with your child or at least that's what she led us to believe." I omit beating the shit out of me because even though I'm mad, I don't have it in me to be cruel and I don't want to remember!

"So, having to tolerate the only other man on the planet that I have slept with, on a beach blanket with a baby in his arms – isn't asking for fucking much. I had to meet that psychotic whore time and time again wondering, thinking and being terrified that she really was having your baby, so I know exactly how you felt but I swallowed that down and I at least pretended to tolerate her presence and be the bigger person For YOU! But no, you couldn't do that!"

"I… Ana, I'm so-"

"I don't want to hear it, I'm going to lie down. FYI, I don't want company." With that I turn around and head upstairs. Why does something always have to happen, why couldn't we have one fucking weekend without the gods of fate decreeing to destroy our happiness? I pull off my dress and change into one of Christian's t-shirts and a pair of panties. I slip in between the cool, crisp sheets quickly falling into a troubled sleep.

* * *

_Well, that went… badly to say the least. _

_Hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Thankfully this chapter was easier to write than the last but I'm still having a small issue with getting what's in my head out onto paper (well, figurative paper!)_

_Hoping to have another update for you either tomorrow or Saturday at the latest _

_W/L  
-S, xo_

_PS: I just had to (*cough _**GOAT**_ cough*)_


	75. Chapter 75: Under the stars

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

_I have now amended the fact that I forgot to add Olivia to the engagement ring, LOL! & the part about his mother loving them. All fixed now :3 Poor Olivia; the forgotten child._

* * *

I feel so tired, tired of always causing her pain. She was right, I was out of line and cruel to Dr Dipshit. I can't believe that I said that simply because he adopted his son, Oliver wasn't really his. I am adopted and I know without a doubt or a cloud of reservation that Grace and Carrick are my parents.

All I know is how I felt in the moment; I have never known pain like that. To have to speak to him, knowing how he fucked her just made me blind with rage. I guess when I met him at the hospital, I was so overcome with the relief of _not _being the father of that bitch's baby that I wasn't as affected by it. Then the way he looked at her, and how he was internally questioning whether my unborn son was his, and that just brought my anger to blistering white heat. I could taste it on my tongue as I verbally annihilated him. In the world of M&A, I have always had a talent for figuring out what make people tick and how to use those findings to hurt them the most and what I done was disgusting, using his son against him? If the situations were reversed and someone more powerful than I, made out they were going to take away my children I… I'd die and it would be a slow, agonizing death.

Which is why I called him and apologized, expressing that he didn't need to worry about Oliver's place with him. The worst part is hearing the relief in his voice, and the fact that he thanked me? I am sickened by my behaviour.

Listening to Ana's rhythmic breathing is lulling me to sleep; she soothes me simply by her presence. I'm just about to slip into sleep when I hear her whimper and I am awake in an instant. I don't even breathe –

"No… pl-please, don't do this… Christian, no! He's yours, please believe me, don't, no – I need you, don't leave me please, Christian!" She is sobbing in her sleep, I jump up from the chair and get up on the bed and wrap her in my arms.

"Ana, baby… wake up, Ana…?" Her eyes jolt open, wide with fear and brimming with tears. She's gasping for breath with one hand over her heart.

"It's just a dream baby, I'm here – I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry, fuck I'm so sorry Ana!"

"Christian…" She holds herself to my chest and just cries. I don't say anything I just slowly rock her, rubbing circles on her back.

"It… It was so real and you wouldn't believe me, you were so co-cold-" An involuntary sob heaves from her chest and she shudders, gripping onto my shirt for dear life.

"Baby, It was just a dream. It wasn't real and I'm here, I always will be. I promise. I'm so sorry Ana… I've spoken with Richard and we got it all sorted out, I apologized and reassured him that Oliver is his son, and that I never intended to go through with my threat."

"Y-you did?" She asks her eyes puffy and red.

"Yes, I was wrong and I'm sorry. I'm disgusted in myself – I mean I'm adopted; he is as much Oliver's father as Carrick is mine. I love you so much, yet all I do is hurt you and upset you." I continue to hold her as she clings to my chest and cries. She slowly reduces her grip as her sobs turn into hiccups.

"I love you too, Christian, I love each and every one of your shades, even the jealous, possessive one, and as much as it's hot, and sexy – sometimes, like today – It's really unnecessary."

"I know, you're right and what I did today was completely uncalled for."

"Christian, the funniest thing is that you think by going all angry alpha male is the best course of action to deliver the hardest blow and you're wrong. If I'd reacted like you did to the whole pregnancy situation with… Allyson, all I would have done, is showed her how insecure I was in our marriage. If you would have just wrapped your arms around me, and touched our son – that would have hit him so much harder than your anger; not that I want him to hurt, I really don't. Christian, I'm just trying to show you that anger isn't always the best course of action."

Shit, she's totally right, as always. If I'd just taken her in my arms, and laid my hands on our son I'd have shown him that I have everything he wants and what he's never going to get, not with Ana and from the way he looked at her, that's what he really wants.

"Your right and I'm so very sorry. I will never react like this again – I promise you, this is the last time that my actions will ever upset you or make you cry."

"Okay, I accept your apology. I love you." I gently tip her head back and seal my lips over hers.

"I hate it when you cry, but your lips are always so soft." I murmur against those sweet, soft lips. She pulls away and looks deeply into my eyes.

"I love you Christian, you know that don't you?" I smile as I tuck some wisps of hair behind her ear.

"Yes baby, I do – I know that you love me with all your heart and soul, as I you."

"I know. Listen, I just wanted to say that Richard was out of line for his inappropriate actions, I could see the way he was looking at me, and I know what he was thinking. I just – you were both in the wrong, just please remember that sometimes you have to rise above it and not react negatively okay?"

"I know, and I will try – I'm not saying that I'll be able to control every reaction but I promise that I will try my best because that's what you deserve."

"All I want is for you to try, and that will be good enough for me." She whispers against my mouth, trying to deepen the kiss but I pull back.

"What's wrong?" She asks, looking at me with a frown.

"Nothing's wrong baby, it's just – I kind of had a plan for tonight and I just wanted to ask if you were still up to it, I understand if you don't… but before you answer, you should know that my plan doesn't involve leaving the property."

"Sure. I'm game – what are we doing?"

"You, Mrs Grey… need to get ready because our date is outside and it's quite a warm night."

"What do I wear?"

"Wear what you want, you could come out dressed up for the red carpet or you could come out in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt; because you're always beautiful no matter what you wear."

"Oh you are such a charmer" She laughs and kisses my lips I want so badly to deepen the kiss, to have her right this second but I can't so I reluctantly pull back.

"Be ready in an hour, and don't be peaking outside either; promise me that you won't because I want you to be surprised."

"I promise."

"Pinkie swear?" I hold out my right hand, wiggling my pinkie at her and she giggles, we twist our pinkies and I peck her lips.

"I'll come and get you in an hour baby; I love you – so much." I kiss those delectable lips once more, grazing along her delicate, feminine jawline and reluctantly turn around. I have an hour to pull the rest of this together. Thankfully I done the majority of it whilst Ana was sleeping or I'd be screwed.

* * *

Christian kisses my lips, pecking along my jaw before groaning and turning around. I laugh as he softly closes the door and I'm finding it incredibly difficult not to look out the window.

_You pinkie swore so suck it up – the quicker you get your ass ready the quicker the hour will pass._

I start the water for a bath and add a generous amount of our jasmine bath oil then grab my Velcro rollers and put them in my hair. I use a headscarf to protect my hair from getting wet and check the temperature of the water, making sure it's just warm before sinking down into the wonderful bubbles.

I quickly run a razor over my legs and underarms just to make sure I'm still silky smooth. I am considering keeping up the waxing treatments full time because it's so much easier and less time consuming especially since Matty will be here in less than three months and time isn't something I'm going to have a lot of, especially since I'll have three children under five years old.

_You're so screwed. _

As much as I want to lay in this wonderful water, I reluctantly get out and dry myself off before slipping into my robe. I moisturize my entire body and dab some of my Coco mademoiselle perfume on my neck, my wrists and behind my ears. I head into the closet and take out my lavender and black dress. It has a plunging crossover neckline, front and back with a lavender camisole stitched into the bodice, a silver/lavender ribbon sash separates the black skirt that comes to the knee. I wear a gorgeous la perla lavender lingerie set, forgoing the beautiful garter belt that matched because of my bump. I apply some tinted moisturizer, mascara and lip gloss then take my hair out of the rollers and shake it out, leaving it looking wild and untamed.

I give myself the once over and I am happy with my look, not bad for being six months pregnant! I just manage to shuffle into my Gucci pumps when Christian knocks lightly. I take a deep breath as I open the door.

"Baby… you look absolutely stunning." He whispers taking me in his arms and burying his nose in my hair. He is wearing black suit pants with a crisp white shirt, no tie and the top button undone. His hair as always looks just fucked.

"Why thank you Mr Grey, you look… delicious as usual." I giggle as I watch his adam's apple bob in his throat.

"Mrs Grey, are you trying to seduce me?" He asks with a smirk as he offers me his elbow. I laugh as I thread my arm through and we walk downstairs towards the kitchen.

"Right this way baby…" He sounds nervous, and I don't know why? He pauses before we enter the kitchen and stands right in front of me.

"I have to blindfold you, just because I want you to get the full effect of my surprise and you would undoubtedly see it as soon as we go into the kitchen." He murmurs and leans in to kiss my neck. Ahh, bliss. He pulls away reluctantly and I notice the eye mask in his hands. He quickly position's it over my eyes and my world falls into darkness.

"I just want you to know that this was all planned prior to the drama I caused earlier. I don't want you to think that I did this for any other reason than I love you." I think I actually melt.

"I love you too, now the curiosity is killing me!" I am practically bouncing like a small child and my smile is wide as he wraps one arm around my back and I lay my hand over his that is resting on my hip as he holds my other hand, leading me carefully through the kitchen and out the patio doors. He is right, it's very warm outside.

I feel the ground change from paving stones to soft grass and I keep my weight on the balls of my feet rather than let my expensive shoes sink into the grass.

"Uh, Ana – why are you walking like you've had some sort of bathroom accident?" He asks, stifling his laugh.

"If I could see right now I'd slap your arm for that comment. My shoes Mr Grey, were $2400 dollars and I don't want the suede heels to get all muddy."

"O..kay. Point taken. We're almost there, just a few more steps." After a couple more strides we stop and Christian stands behind me. He moves my hair to one side then wraps his arms around me, resting his hands on our son and runs his nose along my neck, leaving me soft kisses.

"I love you Mrs Grey." He murmurs against my skin and I relax into his embrace. He rubs my belly a few times and his reluctant hands leave my body.

"Okay, I'm going to remove the blindfold but keep your eyes closed baby."

"Okay." I giggle, I feel him remove the blindfold and I keep my eyes closed as his arms and hands resume their position from mere moments ago.

"Baby, you can open them now." He murmurs against my neck as I slowly open my eyes and I gasp.

The back garden is completely filled with candles, there is a large blanket on the grass and soft music fills my ears. I feel tears slip down my face as I spin around with a huge grin.

"Oh Christian, this is wonderful. I, I don't know what to say – for a man who once thought you didn't do romance, you've done a pretty convincing job over the years!" I giggle, wrapping my arms around his neck and get as close to him as my bump will allow. "Thank you, for doing something special for me, for us. I love you, so very much and Matty loves you too – he's kicking like crazy right now!" I giggle, feeling a few more happy tears track down my cheeks.

"What's with the tears?" He asks, kissing them away.

"They're happy tears!" I whisper against his insistent lips, claiming me, kindling a slow burning fire of desire in my center.

"As much as I'd love to keep kissing those deliciously soft, sweet, and tasty lips – our food is going to get cold. Come." He takes my hand and helps me sit down before taking the spot across from me and uncovering our food.

We both have poached salmon fillets in a lemon and dill sauce, shredded potatos and green beans. It smells and tastes delicious. After a few bites Christian reaches over and removes the bottle of champagne from the bucket of ice and I pout. I'd love some crisp and fruity champagne right now but I can't.

"Stop that pouting Mrs Grey, lean over!" He takes a sip of his champagne and seals his mouth over mine, transferring the cool, crisp liquid into my mouth.

"Mmm, that was delicious!" I whisper with my eyes closed.

"More?" He asks when I reopen my eyes. I bite my lip and nod slowly. He takes another mouthful and gives me some in our unique way.

"Would you like a glass Mrs Grey?" He asks, his eyes dancing with laughter, I narrow my own in question.

"Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?" I ask, giggling.

"Whatever do you mean?" He feigns ignorance.

"Christian, you NEVER let me have even a sip of alcohol when I am carrying our children, so what gives?"

"It's non-alcoholic champagne!" He chuckles and I shake my head and take my glass from him.

We eat our meals, stealing glances and smiles. After such a challenging afternoon I'm glad that we can recover so quickly, I suppose after ten years of marriage this would be beneficial.

"So, are you enjoying our evening Anastasia?" He asks, his voice low and seductive.

"Yes, very much so Christian. It's been a wonderful surprise." I smile over at him, he moves our plates onto the grass and kisses my lips as I try to deepen the kiss he started he pulls back.

"We're not finished Mrs Grey, we still have dessert."

"I thought I was getting my dessert" I pout, batting my lashes in what I hope is a seductive manner.

"Later." He whispers, sending a flash burn of need directly to my groin. He gets to his feet and takes our plates to the kitchen before coming back outside with a tray in his hands.

"Mmm, I smell chocolate!" I say, so excited that my mouth is actually watering.

"Melted chocolate, strawberries, raspberries, melon, peaches, and apples. We're having chocolate fondue."

"Oh, Matty approves!" He chuckles and set's down the tray so that it's in front of me, but rather than sitting opposite, he sits right next to me and wraps his arms around my waist, laying his other hand on our son.

"What in the world is he doing? Water ballet?" I can't help but giggle.

"Sure feels like it. I guess if I'm happy, he's happy. And with melted chocolate and your tasty self on the menu I have plenty reasons to be happy Mr Grey!" I say, smiling at him before kissing the tip of his nose.

"Now, what piece of fruit would you like to try first baby?" He whispers, sending chills and tingles directly to my sex.

"Strawberry please."

"What kind of chocolate, white, milk or dark?"

"Milk." He reaches forward and I expect him to pick up the two pronged fork but he takes the plump, ripe strawberry and swirls it generously into the melted chocolate staring directly into my eyes as he holds it to my mouth. I open up and bite into the juicy fruit moaning in delight at the sweet, creamy taste. Once I've ate the strawberry he holds his fingers to my lips and I suck them clean, moaning the whole time. He smirks at me and leans in, licking and sucking the chocolate from my lips and chin.

"Delicious." He whispers, against my mouth.

"What fruit would you like Mr Grey?"

"Hmm, is the fruit the only thing on the menu?" He says, his voice laced with hunger.

"What kind of chocolate?"

"Mmm, milk please." He whispers, his voice like pure silk surrounding me. I dip my pinkie into the warm milk chocolate and bring it to his lips. I press down on his bottom lip and he slowly sticks his tongue out, licking a little of the chocolate off the tip of my pinkie before enveloping it in his mouth, running his tongue all around. After a few more seconds I pull my pinkie from his mouth.

"Fucking delicious." He gets up onto his knees, and takes my face into his hands, kissing me slow and deep.

"I have something to ask you and I don't know how you're going to react, just please keep an open mind baby." My stomach plummets to the ground and my heart starts racing. My mind is conjuring a thousand and one scenarios each one crazier than the last.

He reaches into his pants pocket, removing a small box and opens it to reveal a massive diamond, nestled in five smaller diamonds before kneeling on bended knee. He takes a hold of my left hand, and holds the box displaying the ring to me.

"Anastasia Grey, ten years ago you came into my world, turned it on its head and blew me away with your innocence, your smile, your warm personality, even your stubborn defiant nature. I love everything about you, every perfect imperfection.

The last year has been so overwhelming, painful and terrifying and I am so happy that we're back on track and enjoying one another. This weekend away represents us starting anew and what better way can we do that other than renewing our commitment, our love and our marriage. So, Anastasia Rose Grey, will you start afresh with me, will you renew our vows and be my wife all over again?" I cry for the millionth time today and my throat is closing rendering me mute. It isn't until I see his face fall into disappointment that I find my voice.

"Yes, I'll marry you, I'll be your wife all over again because you are everything to me. You're a part of my soul Mr Grey and you always will be. I move closer to him and take his grinning-like-he's-won-the-lottery face in my hands.

"Yes." Kiss. "Yes." Kiss. "Yes." Kiss. "Yes." Kiss. "I'll be your wife" Kiss.

"Baby, you've made me the happiest man on the fucking planet right now!" I giggle as he wraps his arms around me and buries his head into my neck, leaving sweet kisses everywhere his lips can touch.

"Ana, here baby, let me put this on you." He takes off my original engagement ring and slides on the new one, it's absolutely beautiful.

"Do you like it, the ring I mean? If you don't we can take it back… it won't be a problem and honestly I won't be offended."

"Shh. It's perfect." I say to him with a loving smile.

"I'm glad you like it, the five smaller diamonds represent Teddy, Gracie, Olivia, Matthew and I. The massive diamond in the middle represents you."

"I love it, and I love you! I am so beyond the range of the human happiness scale right now. They don't even have a word to describe what I'm feeling." I say, staring into those glittering grey eyes.

"So, back to our dessert. Pick a fruit baby!"

"Peach with milk chocolate please." He dips the chosen fruit into the chocolate then smear's it across my lips before I bite into it, once I'm done I clean of his fingers. Christian dips his finger into the dark chocolate and wipes it across my cheek then leans over and licks it off.

Desire rushes through my veins as he moves down to kiss and nip along my jaw line, eventually returning to my mouth. He thrusts his tongue along the length of my own. I lose myself in his kiss until we break apart needing precious oxygen.

I reach across and take one of the ripe strawberries and dip it into the silky dark chocolate and hold it to his lips. He maintains eye contact as he sinks his teeth into the juicy fruit. His lips are covered in dark chocolate as the juice from the strawberry drips down his chin. I discard the stalk and take his face into my hands, licking the juice from his chin and work my way to his chocolaty lips.

"Mmm, tasty. You sure know how to please your pregnant wife… but there's something else that would please me right now…" I whisper, his eyes darken with desire as his pupils dilate.

"What would that be?" I peek across at him from between my lashes and bite my lower lip. I stroke my thumbs over his cheeks and try to convey how much I love him, and need him through my eyes alone. My message must be received loud and clear as he slowly guides me 'till I am lying on my back with him looming over me.

"You are so beautiful, you're all I need and I have a hard time dealing with the fact that you are everything all men want in a wife which fuels my fear of losing you and I can't lose you, I just can't."

"Christian, even if I am everything men want in a wife, the only person who has me in that role is you and I want it to stay that way. I love you so much and trust that you will never lose me simply because another man desire's me. The only way you'll lose me is through your jealousy and rage. Just because another man eye-fucks me doesn't mean that I am going to eye-fuck him back." I murmur, twirling the hair at the nape of his neck through my fingers.

"I understand, I love you too and I trust you. Baby, I need you." He chokes out as his lips lower to mine. There is no battle of dominance in our kiss, we just relax and melt into each other. One hand is cupping my jaw, brushing my cheek with his thumb as the other trails down my body to my hip. I am panting with desire and I want him right here and now, under the stars in this beautiful, romantic setting he's created. I pull back from his lips as we catch our breath.

"I want you, are we okay out here? Do we have privacy?" I ask, my heart still racing as Christian kisses me once more, working his tongue along my jaw.

"We're okay out here baby, completely secluded and Taylor is on the other side of the house – so we have our privacy." His words are caressing my skin and inflaming my desire. I grab his hair roughly and pull his mouth back to my own. I tilt my hips up to his and welcome the feel of his hardened length brushing against my thigh.

"Help me get out of this damn dress, hurry. I need you!" I whimper, the ache I feel in my core is becoming harder to ignore.

He helps me sit up and slowly unzips my dress, helping me out of it then throwing it to the side. I quickly pull his shirt out of his pants and work on the buttons whilst I kiss him hungrily.

"Sweet Jesus, more lingerie?" He groans as his eyes roam my body.

"Yep. I bought those pieces simply for you to peel me out of them." I whisper as he nips and sucks across my neck, working his way lower to my breasts.

"Fuck, you have the sexiest breasts I've ever seen, they're just perfect." He moans, biting my nipple through my bra cup. I moan, tilting my head back with my hair tumbling down my spine. He reaches around and undoes the clasp, freeing them from their satin prison. He softly palms them both as I groan in pleasure.

"That's it baby, let me hear you. Look at me baby… ahh, there's my sweet girl." He says, his voice laced with desire.

"You are so beautiful, and you're all mine. Say it baby, I need to hear you say it!" His eyes pained by his irrational fear of losing me.

"I'm yours; I'm always going to be yours!" He sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth as he leans down, capturing my nipple in his mouth, softly biting and sucking – sending sharp bursts of pleasure to my groin.

"Are you ready for me sweet girl? Your all flushed and squirming… how wet are you baby, tell me?" He growls, sexy as fuck.

"Very wet, soaking wet – just. For. You!" I enunciate each word clearly and I revel in his answering grin.

"Damn straight it's just for me!" His right hand glides to my sex, he softly strokes his middle and forefinger across my panties.

"Fuck baby, you are soaked. You smell delicious."

"Why don't you have a taste of my 'deliciousness' then?" I say, feeling very brazen right here in this moment.

"With pleasure Mrs Grey!" He hooks his thumbs into my panties and tugs, trying to remove them so I lift my hips up and he pulls them down my legs, sniffing them briefly and sighs as he stuffs them into his pants pocket.

He slips his hands underneath my knees and pulls my legs apart before settling in between them, lying flat on his stomach. He strokes through my wet folds before inserting one, then another finger inside me, moving them in slow circles, stretching me and I arch my neck at the sweet sensation.

"Like that baby?" He whispers, his voice filled with pure lust and desire. I can't find the words or energy to answer him verbally so I opt for just a wide-eyed nod.

"So sexy, so beautiful. You are everything to me!" He says, his voice filled with reverence before he lowers his skilled mouth to my sex. I groan and gasp at the sweet sensations he's giving me.

"Come on baby, I need to hear you… I need you to scream my name!" He growls and I just lose it, moaning and writhing beneath him. I feel myself hover on the edge of oblivion and mere seconds before I fall Christian pulls away, and I feel my impending orgasm melt away which earns him a groan of pure frustration and urgent need.

"Christian, please… I need you, I need to feel you!" I shamelessly beg, my treacherous body calling for relief. He quickly gets up, removing his suit pants and his sexy grey Calvin Klein boxer-briefs in one go, allowing his massive erection to spring free. He takes himself in hand, slowly moving up and down, as always, the sight of him pleasuring himself turns me on and into a quivering mass of hormones and dire need. He is completely naked, his clothes in a pile beside us and he gets back down onto the blanket, as he moves towards me I open my legs, my knees bend and wide open. My hand slides over my bump as two of my fingers reach my clitoris and I slowly start to move my fingers in a slow circle, my mouth forming a silent 'O' as my neck arches in delight at the sensations coursing through my body.

"Fuck, that's it baby – use your other hand to pinch your nipple, hard. Just like I would do it!" His voice is like honey, warming me and inflaming me with desire. I use my other hand and take my nipple between my fingers and I tug hard, feeling the sensation flood between my legs with moisture, almost to the point where it's dripping down my thighs.

"Push two fingers inside yourself and stroke your front wall." I follow his command and I can't contain the feeling that rushes through me.

"Oh god Christian, please – I need you inside me!" I whimper, I need to feel him inside me, I need it so badly. He leans down and takes me into a passionate kiss, full of love and desire. He takes his rock hard length in hand and positions himself at my entrance. He takes my hands and holds them above my head as our fingers interlace. I gasp as I feel him enter me, all the way to the hilt. He groans and lays his head on my shoulder as I writhe beneath him.

After a few moments he begins to move, his mouth never leaving my own and we build higher and higher. I reach in between us and lightly massage his balls.

"Holy shit Ana… don't stop, baby don't stop!" He whispers, his voice strained and filled with tension.

"Christian, god you feel so good. Right there, don't stop I'm so close!" I whimper as he picks up the pace, he holds onto my hips, lifting and tilting them to allow him to sink deeper and harder than ever before and I feel like every cell in my anatomy is coiled, getting ready to spring into oblivion with each thrust he gives me.

He reaches down and massages my clitoris, it feels so good and all I can do is arch my back and moan as his mouth works both of my nipples, giving each one equal time and attention.

"That's it baby…" He encourages, my whole body tingling, pleading for relief. "…feel it, feel me. You are so tight, so snug and warm. You are so sexy Ana, you have me hard all the time. I. Need. You. So. Much. Come. For. Me. Baby!" He commands and as always, my body obediently follows as I explode, he thrusts another twice then releases inside me.

He quickly rolls off to the side, wrapping his arm around me, I use his chest as a pillow, as we look up at the stars.

"I love you Mrs Grey. Always." He whispers, still staring at the inky night sky, filled with a million bright stars.

"I love you too, always." I smile in reply, turning my head slightly so I can kiss his bare chest.

As I stare up above, I feel a shiver pass over me.

"Are you cold? We can go back inside now if you like?" I shake my head.

"No, I'm fine, honest." We lie quiet for a little while, neither of us saying anything to the other. I am suddenly drawn back to my time in the coma when I made certain promises that I haven't kept. How does one have a conversation that entails telling your husband that you had a good 'ole chat with his dead mother whist you were in a coma fighting for your life? I take a deep breath and kiss his chest once more.

"Christian, I don't know if you remember or anything, but when I was in the coma – did you have a weird dream of me? He tenses slightly, but I continue to stroke my fingers through the smattering of chest hair and he calms.

"How do you know about that?"

"I know this all sounds crazy, believe me. But I made a promise to someone that I have intended to keep, we've just never had the opportunity to talk about this."

"Talk about what Ana?"

"About what happened to me when I was in the coma, where I was and who I was with." He continues to trail his fingers up and down my spine in a soothing manner but my nerves are shot to shit.

"When you found me, I just remember thinking… 'I just have to hold on long enough to know without a doubt that you saved our daughter' when I saw your face, all I felt was relief and pure love. I didn't want to leave you but I was so tired, so I closed my eyes and fell asleep. When I woke up I expected to see you sitting by my bedside… but I wasn't in the hospital room, at least my mind wasn't, or my soul. I woke up to the most wonderful sunshine kissing my skin. It was warm and peaceful then all of a sudden someone said:

'Don't get used to it; you're going back where you belong' I turned around looking for the source of the voice but found absolutely nothing. The voice then told me:

'You can't see me, but I'm here, I've been with you since the day you were born; I knew that you could save him, with your light, your beauty. Don't give up on life my dear Anastasia' I was so confused, but I instantly knew who the voice belonged to."

"You're father?" Christian murmurs, still stroking my naked back. I take a deep breath and continue to fulfil the promise I made.

"No, it wasn't my father… it was your mother Christian. At first I was angry, really angry because of what she put you through when you were a little boy. I asked her why she let you suffer and she said:

'I wish I had answers that would justify my actions. I was a rich little girl on the streets of Detroit, pregnant with nowhere to go. He took me in, kept me in food, clothes and warmth and the day after my Christian was born he called upon me to pay for his hospitality. I refused, I offered to leave, to get a job and pay him back and he just laughed. He forcefully injected me with drugs until I was hooked, what "other options did I have? I cannot justify what I allowed to go on, but in my death he was saved, I had one last thing I could do for him, so I did'

I told her that I was scared, that I was scared I wasn't going to make it and she comforted me. I watched you, I listened to every word you said and watched every tear you cried and it was awful. I told your mother that you wouldn't survive this if I didn't make it, that it would eat away at you until there was nothing left. She told me that there was rumours that the trapped could enter their loved ones dreams so I asked her how but she didn't know since she was living, then she died. She told me to follow my heart and that's all I had to do. So I did, I thought about you and how much I loved you and needed you. The next thing I knew, I was in the most beautiful place I'd ever seen and you were waiting on me. I sang to you Christian – I know you remember because I can hear your heart racing below my ear."

"T-that dream was real?" He asks his voice hoarse.

"Yes. It was real. I told you that I wasn't going to leave you – that I'd find my way back and to have faith. As every day passed, a little of your hope died but what you didn't know was that your hope, your faith was the only thing that tied me to you. The day you told Teddy about his grandpa; killed me inside. To hear you say those words hurt me so much and it was four days afterwards – you were in my room tending to me just as you had the entire time I was out. You begged me to come back and I couldn't bear to see you hurting, to see you crying… so I made a decision. I let go to allow you to mourn my death properly – to allow you to move on passed me. I truly believed that time would heal your heart so I started walking towards the light that had gotten so much brighter. I struggled to find the strength to walk but somehow I managed it. As I was walking our memories, our history played out all around me and though I was crying, I smiled as I felt our love in its purest form. Just before I walked into the light I turned around and looked back… that's when I saw the machines that were keeping me alive go crazy and you were screaming for me not to leave so I shut myself down and pushed on ahead. The next thing I felt was like I was falling and eventually I landed with a hard thud on my backside. Your mom was there waiting on me as was my father and Ella was shocked, because she didn't think I had the strength to leave you, to put your happiness and pain before my own since she'd felt our love for each other. She'd felt the tie that binds us and it's so strong. My dad however knew I'd do it and he and your mother were so proud. They told me that the only way out of being trapped is to let go, to put your grieving loved ones before yourself and I did it, so I earned the right to come home to you and our children. My dad reminded me that he loved me, and that Gracie was going to be a handful when she's older. Your mom touched my stomach and told me that they loved this one just as much as Ted, Grace and Olivia. She made me promise to pass on a message to you. I am sorry that I haven't found the courage or strength to do it before now Ella, and I know you're up there watching us. I promised… your mom gave me a message for you, she asked me to her a favour and I agreed. I was so thankful that she guided me in my time of need so this is me keeping my promise. She said:

'Tell Christian that I loved him. That I'm sorry he suffered, the last gift I could give him to get him away from that awful man was to end my own life – but I never imagined that he'd be alone with me for four days. I was with him through it all, I never left. Tell him that I'm sorry, and that I will always love him'

Christian, your mother loved you – I was there, I was with her and I sensed the overwhelming love she has for you, it's the exact same as the love I have for our children. You need to forgive her and let go of all that shit once and for all. Christian I truly believe that if it wasn't for Ella and my dad, I wouldn't have made it back to you at all." I whisper the last part, my voice thick with emotion.

"Ana… as crazy as this sounds, I felt you with me. There were times I could smell you, and feel you touching me, but there was another presence in the room and I am more sure than ever that it was Ella telling me 'Don't give up, she needs you now more than ever' which gave me the strength to keep going. I love you too, and your right; it's time that this is all put to rest. I loved my mom, and I thought she didn't love me but I see now that she did the only thing left in her control – she ended her own life to save mine and I'll always be thankful for that and for sending you to me. You saved me Ana, from an empty existence. I love you so much baby." He says, laying a kiss on my hair. I wiggle out from his hold and turn so that I can kiss his lips.

"I love you, so much. Take me to bed Christian – I need you." I say, my voice laced with desire.

We extinguish the remaining candles and Christian wraps me in his shirt with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, yeah – you say it's sexy but it makes me feel like a whale! I can only get the two middle buttons done up." I moan with a pout.

"You are not a whale Mrs Grey. You are very much pregnant with my son, which makes you even sexier than usual!" I can't help the chuckle that escapes me. He takes my hand and leads me towards the house.

"I love you. Thank you for giving me this peace Ana – I think it's time I forgive her for leaving. I see now that it wasn't her fault. I want to thank her for saving my heart; which is you."

"I'm sure she'd like that. We can maybe take a trip to Detroit and visit her grave once Matty's born." I say, rubbing my bump as he summersaults inside me.

"I think I'd like that too." He whispers, his voice pained with the loss of his mother and the new found clarity and understanding of her motives and struggles. She didn't have it easy, and it wasn't that she didn't love him, she loved him enough to let him go.

* * *

_Hope you enjoyed Ana's explanation and the hot chocolate sex. LOL! We have the coping together ball to enjoy in a couple of chapters and the birth of their fourth child to look forward too!_

_'Till next time…_

_W/L  
-S, xoxo_


	76. Chapter 76: Realizations & Dirty talk!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

_I am so super sorry for the long wait, I struggled a little with this chapter because I just want to skip over the rest of their trip. I am excited for the coping together dinner, and Matty's birth. Hopefully we'll have this thing hashed and done by the end of next chapter.  
_ILY xo.

* * *

I wake up with my arms around Ana, and my nose buried in her hair. I'm still shocked at the revelations that she shared last night. I was certain my subconscious told me what I wanted to hear in the format of a dream but it seems that I was wrong, I don't know how or why but I felt a new sense of peace wash over my body as Ana passed on the message from my birth… from my mom.

My mom loved me.

She wanted me.

She saved me in the only way she could.

I love her.

With a smile on my face I open my eyes to see my beautiful wife staring at me.

"Don't you know watching someone sleep is really creepy and stalkerish Mrs Grey?" I give her a sleepy smirk.

"Oh I'm aware… but, I can't help the fact that my creepy, stalker husband's tendencies have rubbed off on me can I?" I pull her closer to me, laying a kiss on her neck.

"I have something else that can be _rubbed _upon you right here!" I smirk as I thrust my hips against hers, and I am rewarded with her gorgeous giggle.

"Favourite sound in the world." I whisper against her neck. We lie quiet for a few moments in each other's arms until Matty decides that he's waited long enough for some food in the form of a loud growl.

"I think my son is hungry Mrs Grey?"

"I think you're right. Let's go downstairs and have breakfast and then we can go outside and jump in the pool… unless you have something else planned?" I move a stray lock of hair behind her hair and kiss her plump lips.

"Nope, no plans for today… I figured we could laze around the pool and just enjoy each other's company for our last night." Ana pecks my lips once more and tries to get up but just rolls around for a few minutes whilst I try to supress my laugh.

"Stop laughing at me and help me up!" She whines trying to withhold her own laughter.

"I'm sorry baby, let's get you and my son fed." I chuckle whilst pulling her to her feet; she quickly grabs my crumpled shirt from the floor to cover her naked form.

"Good morning Matty, daddy loves you so much." I say with my hands and lips pressed against Ana's bump. A split second later I feel a little foot or fist push against my hand.

"That's him saying 'good mornin' daddy, let's stop this love fest and let my mommy and I get breakfast'." I chuckle and grab Ana's hand whilst leading her downstairs to the kitchen.

~o0o~

After breakfast I check in with Ros and I quickly discover that everything is running smoothly; as it should be, although I expect nothing less from my second in command. Ros has more balls than most men; I know GEH is safe in her hands but that won't stop me from making sure.

I quickly change into my swim shorts and grab the bottle of sunscreen, which is what Ana sent me up here for; she'd pitch a fit if she knew I was making a business call.

_You are so whipped._

I head outside and find Ana lying on one of the pool loungers in a skimpy two piece bathing suit. She looks completely gorgeous, especially with her bump protruding from between her hips. I walk over to her and perch on the side of her lounger.

"Got the sunscreen baby, you want me to apply it for you?" I ask, aware of the husky tone of my voice.

"Did you enjoy bugging Ros?" She asks, a slight smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. I just chuckle, knowing I've been caught.

"I know you well enough, to know that you wouldn't be able to resist calling to 'check in' and yes, I'd love for you to apply my sunscreen." Ana sit's up and I squeeze some into my hand, rubbing them together to warm the lotion up. I start at her shoulders, massaging the cream into her soft skin, working down to her lower back; I use harder force with my thumbs which earns me a long drawn out moan from my wife.

"All done baby." I say, kissing her just below her ear.

"Thank you Mr Grey." She smiles, lying back down on the lounger, closing her eyes and basking in the warmth the sun provides. I smirk as I get up and run towards the pool, mid-jump I wrap my arms around my bent legs in the form of a cannon-ball I land in the water and just as I float back up I hear her squeal.

"YOU SOAKED ME CHRISTIAN GREY!"

"Aw, but baby… I love you all wet!" I grin, pushing my wet hair back and give her a sexy wink.

"Oh, just you wait. She gets up and carefully walks over to the stairs into the pool. Thankfully the water is slightly warm. She swims over to me and anchors her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist

"I can't believe you splashed me, I nearly had a heart attack… Matthew isn't best pleased. I think I scared him when I squealed." She giggles and I can't resist, I cup her delectable ass and give her a firm squeeze.

"You know your sexy right? You're wet, which makes you wet and sexy, plus for an added bonus your pregnant. So that makes you sexy, wet and pregnant. Triple threat baby." I pull her closer and kiss my way along her jaw, intermittently squeezing the cheeks in my palms.

"Only to you Christian, but that's a moot point because the only man I will ever be sexy, wet and pregnant for, is you!" She giggles and kisses the tip of my nose.

"Damn straight, only me!" I can't even contemplate another man anywhere near Ana in any way, shape or form. She leans into my hold, resting her cheek on my shoulder as the water laps around us. I slip my hand into the back of her bikini bottoms, flexing my hand around her ass, pulling her hips toward my own, rubbing my erection against her hotspot.

"Christian…" She moans my name, her lips pressed against the wing of my shoulder.

"Anastasia…" I murmur, pulling one of the side strings tying her bikini bottoms to her body. I repeat on the other side and the material floats from her body. I move my hand to slide between her legs and as I stroke my forefinger along her folds I growl.

"So. Fucking. Wet!" My breath hitches in my throat as I sink my finger into her headed core and her hips begin to circle against my hand.

"So sexy, so fucking sexy!" I say against her neck, licking and nipping my way along her collar bone. Her neck arches as her luscious locks cascade down her spine. I kiss my way down the column of her throat, pausing to kiss and nip her breasts through the wet fabric of her bikini.

"Let's divest you of this…" I smirk, undoing first the neck tie; which allows the bikini to fall forward exposing her full, perk breasts. I reach around and undo the last tie, tossing it into the warm water, leaving her completely bare to me.

"I think you're slightly over dressed Grey!" Her voice laced with carnal desire.

"What shall we do about that then Mrs Grey?" I ask, humour and challenge in my tone.

"I can think of a few things…" She answers evasively, trailing her lone forefinger from my Adam's apple all the way to the waistband of my shorts. She peeks up at me though her lashes and bites her lower lip as she runs her finger over the top of my fabric covered dick. I hiss a sharp breath through my teeth as she slips her hand into my shorts, grasping my length and moving her hand up and down, around and around. I close my eyes and surrender to the exquisite sensations flooding my body.

A few moments later she pushes my shorts down over my ass until they're low enough for me to step out of them.

"Now that's better…" She smirks whilst running her tongue along her lower lip. She re-anchor's her arms around my neck and grinds her warm center against my dick making me pant.

"Do you want me Mr Grey?" She asks, her voice betraying her 'calm' façade.

"I most definitely do Mrs Grey. How do you propose I achieve having you?" I ask, keeping my face impassive, along with my voice.

"I think that's better for you to figure out for yourself. A woman never reveals the key to her seduction."

"What if I do… this?" I ask, licking across her collar bone, softly nipping at the skin with my teeth "Whilst I do… this?" I grind my dick against her clitoris and her answering gasp fuels my desire.

"Oh that may be working… what else?" I stare right into her eyes… taking her face in my hands as I seal my lips across hers and the kiss starts as slow and loving but quickly turns into a frenzy, my hands tracing every inch of her skin that I can touch.

"Fuck, baby… god I love you, I want you!" I groan, my dick twitching and throbbing almost painfully.

"Are you ready for me Mrs Grey?" I ask, my hand moving from the outside of her thigh to her core and I groan as I dip my finger into her wet warmth.

"Oh yeah, you're ready alright. Do you want me to make love to you Ana?" I ask, and I am mesmerized by the sparkle in her eyes.

"No… I want you to fuck me, fuck me hard!" She growls, attacking my mouth without warning and I am so stunned that it takes me a second to recover enough to respond. When I eventually manage to remember how to move my mouth and tongue I return the kiss with the same carnal fervour.

"Ahh, Christian… yessss!" She whimpers as I slip my forefinger and middle finger into her core, stretching her and rubbing my fingers against her front wall which illicit a long, drawn out groan.

"That's it baby, feel it…" I encourage her as she writhe's in my arms. I move my hand from her back to position myself at her entrance. I tease her a little, pushing just my tip into her core before abruptly pulling out and sliding my dick through her slick folds. I repeat this process until she is gripping onto my shoulders, digging her nails into my skin.

"Christian…" She pants whilst resting her forehead against my own.

"What is it baby? Tell me?" I add with a smirk.

"I need you; I need you inside me… right now!" She arches her back, and then raises her bent knees, spreading them wide apart, leaving herself completely exposed just for me.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to seduce me!"

"What if I am? Is it working?" She asks, batting those lashes; those things are lethal to my controlled restraint, like much of everything in regards to Ana, as always.

"So you want me then Mrs Grey?" I ask, running my nose along hers.

"No, I don't want you… I _need _you. Want and need are two very different things, for example… I want sunshine every day, but I need air to breathe, to live, to survive." I can't say anything, I just launch myself at her, my hands grabbing everywhere they can reach, my mouth completely attached to hers as I slip inside my favourite place in the whole world.

My wife, my soul mate, my other half, my Ana, my everything.

"Ahh, don't stop!"

"I know baby, fuck I know!" I grunt, holding her ass against my hips as I thrust into her warmth over and over again. She feels amazing as always.

"You like that baby? You like it when I fuck you hard and fast?" I growl, circling my hips so that she feels me on all sides, which elicits a harsh hiss through her clenched teeth.

"Fuck yes!" I grasp her thigh in my hand and hitch it over my hip, allowing me to penetrate a little deeper without putting any pressure on the baby. I lean down and take her nipple into my mouth, swirling my tongue all around the hardened nub, before softly grazing it with my teeth.

"I'm so close…" She pants, and I feel the slight mist of sweat glistening on our skin.

"I know baby, your clenching around me deliciously. Control it; don't come until I say…" She groans and arches her neck, her eyes fluttering closed.

"I love you and I love fucking you… my naughty wife who likes to be fucked hard by her husband!" I grunt at her as I pick up the pace, I keep driving into her, thrusting her higher and higher and I feel her core tighten…

"Christian… I, I can't hold on… any longer! Ple-"

"Come for me baby!" She bites down on my shoulder, hard which only serves to intensify my desire. I keep moving, thrusting into her another twice and explode inside her warmth. She buries her face into my neck as we both catch our breath.

"Pool sex… another first Mrs Grey!" She giggles in response and anchors her arms around my neck, kissing me forcefully with her hands fisted in my hair. I could get used to this, no work, no blackberry, no distractions and no stress.

* * *

We spent the majority of the afternoon out by the pool, we have had fun and shared lots of laughs, especially when Christian pushed me down into the water, when I resurfaced I was coughing and spluttering and he just chuckled.

_Bastard!_

"So, what does the majestic Mr Grey have planned for the rest of the day?" I ask smiling over at him. We've both caught the sun today, and Christian looks edible in baggy sweat pants that hang from his hips in the most delicious fashion, and paired with a tight white cotton V-neck t-shirt that clings to every muscle.

_Mmm, sexy and all mine._

"I decided to give you the choice of our activity for our last day." He smiles over at me, cupping my cheek in his hand. I am quite tired from our morning swim/sex session and then an afternoon of messing around splashing each other.

"Feel free to veto this suggestion. I am quite tired so I'm thinking you and I can gather some junk food and cuddle up on the sofa watching a movie?"

"I think that sounds like a wonderful plan, plus that means I don't have to share you with anyone!" I roll my eyes as kisses my hair and gives my behind a playful slap.

"Ow! Mr Grey, what did I do to earn that?" I ask, trying to supress my smile.

"You rolled your eyes Mrs Grey, don't deny it. I may be standing behind you, but I have my ways of knowing these things!" I shake my head and giggle.

_Busted!_

"I'll go grab some snacks, you pick the movie baby." He gives me a quick kiss on the forehead then saunters off towards the kitchen. I can't seem to focus on anything other than the way his ass looks in those sweats; it's begging to be squeezed.

_Jeez, you just had two rounds of pool sex a few hours ago; give the man a chance to recover! _

I shake my head, and move towards the gargantuan collection of DVD's. I pull out a few titles and eventually settling on Taken 2. I pop it into the DVD player and wait on Christian. Around ten minutes later he strolls into the room with his bare feet carrying our snacks. He set's everything down on the coffee table and settles beside me on the sofa.

"So what are we watching?" He asks, taking my feet in his lap and begins rubbing them.

"Ooooh, that feels good. We're watching Taken 2, Liam Neeson movie. We watched the first one a few months ago. You know the one where his daughter goes to Europe and ends up getting 'taken' and sold as a sex slave."

"Oh yeah, I remember. It gave me father nightmares. Just so you're aware, Gracie and Olivia are NEVER going to Europe unaccompanied!"

"I whole heartedly agree with you on that my dear husband." Christian passes me a tall glass filled with sparkling water and cranberry juice; its ice cold, refreshing and delicious. I sit up and place my glass on the table then arrange myself on Christian's lap, facing him with my legs on either side of his hips.

"Mrs Grey, we're supposed to be watching a movie." He smirks, his hands reaching around to my behind and gives me a firm squeeze that makes my muscles clench in the most wonderful fashion.

"Well, here's the thing Christian. We have the place to ourselves and my parents won't be home for an hour… plus I thought you'd like me rubbing up against you." I whisper, gazing up at him between my lashes, his mouth popped open in a perfect 'o'. I run my hands down his chest, feeling every line of perfect muscle and sinew.

"Oh I like it baby, I like it a lot. I'm just shocked, what if your parents catch us?" His eyes twinkle in delight at our game. I have grown to love role play, especially when I'm his naughty secretary or his sexy preschool teacher, or his sinful nurse, the list is endless.

"I'm glad you like it, like it a lot… plus, we have 56 more minutes before they get here." I murmur, running my hands back up his chest and around his shoulders as I lean in and begin to softly suck on his earlobe; I smile against his skin when he takes in a harsh, hissing breath through his teeth.

"Oh yeah baby, I hope your parents don't come back early – it would be awkward if they find me fucking you senseless on their sofa." He gives me is patented, Christian. T. Grey panty busting smile.

"Fuck me on their couch? Oh no, Christian – we're just making out… which means no sex, and only touching through our clothes-" I lean in closer to his ear and bite down, gently tugging before whispering "-do you think you can play this game, I want to know how long you can last whilst I seduce you and grind down on your hard cock!" I feel a blush stain my cheeks, I have never been one for using vulgar names for our private parts but I figured I'd give it a shot and by Christian's grin I can tell that he likes it, loves it even.

* * *

Fuck me on their couch? Oh no, Christian – we're just making out… which means no sex, and only touching through our clothes-" She leans in close, softly grasping my earlobe between her teeth and tugs gently, sending sparks of white-hot need straight to my hard dick before whispering "-do you think you can play this game, I want to know how long you can last whilst I seduce you and grind down on your hard cock!" Holy shit, I can't believe she just said 'cock'.

"I didn't know you had such a dirty mouth, do you need me to clean it up for you?" I ask, keeping my face impassive whilst Ana grins up at me, stifling her girlish giggle.

"What would that entail? What would you use to clean it?"

"Oh, well – there's only one detergent fit for cleaning such filth."

"Really?" She asks, batting those lashes and biting her lip which made me groan – I am enjoying this game to much to give it up.

"Mmhm, yes it's quite rare – I know of only one stockist in the entire world."

"Oh but where would that get me, I happen to know that my boyfriend enjoys my dirty mouth. Especially when I suck the head of his thick cock." She bites that fucking lip and I swear my eyes almost roll back my head and I look down at her in shock.

"What's wrong Christian? Cat got your tongue?" She moves her hands, and runs them from my stomach up my chest, digging her nails into my overheated skin through the fabric of my shirt and I gasp at the sensation throbbing through me. She bites that fucking lip –it's going to be the death of me– and softly sucks on my neck as she fingers the waistband of my sweats and looks up at me with those doe eyes.

"I think I need to illustrate the benefits of having a dirty mouth…" She leaves that sentence hanging in the air, the sexual tension thick and heavy around us. I'm barely hanging onto my self-control and she knows it, she wants me to lose this little game.

"How so?" I ask smirking as I note the corners of that sexy, dirty mouth turning up before she shoots it down.

"I couldn't possibly divulge that pertinent information." I almost chuckle at the seductive look in her eyes, she's such a temptress.

"Well, you said you needed to illustrate the benefits of having a dirty mouth, but you won't tell me…" She takes my face in her hands and traces around my lips with the tip of her tongue. I gasp and groan deep and low in my chest when she nibbles at my bottom lip, gaining her access. She moves her lips and tongue along my jawline, towards my ear; which she tugs with those delicious lips and teeth. "Just say the words baby, and I'll be glad to show you with precision of how beneficial having a girlfriend with a sinful, dirty, fuckable mouth can really be." She trails her hand across the planes of my chest, stopping briefly to pinch my nipple which causes me to hiss and my hips thrust upwards of their own volition. My sweats are really tight and my dick is painfully hard and Ana is grinding that sexy ass right over the top of it.

"Whoa baby, you're going to unman me. I need to readjust my junk." She lifts her ass up a little so I can shift my dick in my pants. When I return my hands to her sexy hips she sits back down and clasps her hands around my neck, softly caressing the hair at the nape of my neck. She looks at me through hooded lids and leans in leaving a hot trail of steamy, open-mouthed kisses across my neck as I rub and caress her hips and her delectable ass.

_You are one damn lucky son of a bitch Grey!_

I reach in between us and cup her full, heavy breasts and rub my thumbs over her nipples and pinch them through the cup of her bra. She moans and throws her head back as her hips start to circle.

"You're so sexy Ana… so fucking sexy!" I say in a half groan, half whisper. She licks her lips as she circles her hips, finding friction against my rock hard, but covered dick.

"That feels so good Christian… don't stop." I bury my face in between her t-shirt covered breasts, and nuzzle.

"Don't you want me? Feel me, all of me?" She murmurs, looking down at me with desire clouding her usually crystal clear irises whilst still rubbing herself against my dick, she's almost nearing orgasm, I can tell by her breathing and because she's starting to increase her pace and intensity of her rocking against me. I groan in response to her question and my mission becomes even more difficult as she reaches up and palms both her breasts, her head is tilted back with her hair tumbling down her spine as she writhes above me in pleasure. I don't know how much more I can take of her rubbing against me, I'm going to come.

"Fuck this…" I pull her hands away from her body and pull her t-shirt over her head with one swipe. I lick across the exposed part of her breast, groaning the entire time.

"So sexy…" I whisper as I reach behind her and undo her bra as it falls from her body I grasp both breasts and massage them whilst rubbing my thumbs over her pebbled nipples. I lean forward and take one in my mouth, touching, caressing and suckling whilst pulling and twirling the other with my fingers. I lift her up and stand her on her feet whilst I strip down to my boxer-briefs and I lay her down on the fluffy rug which feels amazing on our heated, sensitized skin and hover above her.

She shakes her head and rolls us so that I am on my back and she is straddling my hips with my dick nestled against her ass. I smirk and give her a nod, and she leans down and kisses my lips slowly and deeply making me forget every thought in my head except her. She kisses down my chin, and down my jaw, briefly nipping at my ear before making her way down my neck and chest.

"You feel so good Ana… So fucking sexy." I groan as she reaches my abs, she dips her tongue into my navel, circling before trailing her hands down to my boxer-briefs, softly fingering the waistband. I am completely pulsing, in dire need, and throbbing in total anticipation.

"I think I need to illustrate the benefits of having a dirty mouth, the simplest of touches become so much more… arousing. Like, for example if I just continued to do what I am doing now, I'm hardly touching you, I'm so close yet so far… but, if I added 'I can't wait to get your cock in my mouth, I'm going to lick up and down, around and around, I can feel it pulsing for me, it's making me so wet-" I silence her with my mouth, I couldn't stand it for another second, I was going to come in my pants.

Fuck.

"Shit, Ana – god." I groan, completely breathless as I switch our positions. Ana hooks her hands into my boxers, pulling them down as far as she could then took them the rest of the way with her feet, I shake them off my ankle as I push my thumbs through the thin lace of her panties effectively shredding them and pull away the scraps. I run my fingers through her folds, and she is completely fucking saturated.

"This is g-going to be quick baby, fuck!" I take my erection in hand as Ana pants below me; we're both on the edge of an orgasm with hardly any stimulation. I've done this to women countless times, got them hot and sweaty and so close to the edge with nothing more than a few words, but never has words reduced me to a quivering mess of need. I position myself at her entrance and in one swift motion I enter her.

"Sweet Jesus. Fuck, you… Ugh, baby talk to me." I can't comprehend the feelings that are rushing through me, making me act like a complete stammering idiot that has never touched a woman's body before!

"Mmm, I feel you Christian – I feel every throbbing vein, I feel you pulse so deep within me. Every thrust of that thick cock, yeah – just like that. You like that, you like it when I say filthy words to you?"

"Fuck yes, please…" I groan as I thrust into her over and over again burying my face into her neck, kissing, licking and sucking her soft, sexy skin.

"That's it baby, you know how to fuck me, and you fuck me so hard, so deep. Uuhhhhh…" She mewls and I can't even think, I am panting like a fucking over excited dog that's fucking for the first time.

"That's it, rub your cock right there, touch my clit rub – oh yeah, just. Like. That."

"Baby, shit – I don't know how much longer I can hold off"

"Feel me, feel me squeeze your cock, feel it."

"JESUS." I feel slight clenches deep within, not as strong as when she orgasms but damn.

"Like that baby? Do you like it when I squeeze your cock?"

"Yes. Fuck yes." I whimper... what the fuck?

"That's it baby – lose yourself, you're wound so tight all I need is one more squeeze – you want me to squeeze once more huh?"

"Oh god yes!" I growl, low as I frantically thrust into her with our skin slapping and squelching because of her sweet nectar.

"You want me to squeeze your thick, hard, pulsing cock with my… pussy baby?"

"FUUUUUUCKKK!" I drive harder, spurting violently as I pinch Ana's clitoris sending her into oblivion. She clenches around me, prolonging my orgasm. I work her over as we both plummet back to earth and I just remember in time not to collapse on top of her and roll off to the side, panting with a completely softened cock; which has never happened before, not after only one round, especially with Ana, I'll never have enough but damn, I'm completely soft and useless.

"Dear lord, you….r…tryi-ng…to kill…me." I pant as I try to catch my breath. She giggles hard, burying her face into my chest and I can't help but laugh even harder.

"That was so unexpected Ana… I don't even know where that came from, what in the world made you decide to talk dirty." I say after we manage to stop our laughter. I pull her against me, trailing my fingers up and down her naked skin, pausing only to rub and soothe my kicking son.

"I was over at Kate and Elliot's and Kate had a copy of Cosmo on her kitchen table and there was an article about how to talk dirty so I tore the page and kept it. I didn't think it'd quite have these results though." She giggles and flushes beet red.

"Oh no, don't go all coy on me now baby, that was hands down _th_e best orgasm I have _ever _had. You are so sexy Mrs Grey, and I loved every filthy, dirty, naughty word that fell from that once innocent and virginal mouth.

"I haven't been virginal in a very long time Mr Grey, this hot-shot CEO I met changed all that – he introduced me to a world of pleasure…"

"Did he, what happened to this hot-shot CEO and his world of pleasure?" She smirks at me and caresses my face.

"I fell in love with him; I married him and had his children, whom he loves very much – which made me love him even more than I did before." I lean down and capture her lips in a slow, sensual kiss filled with the love and reverence I hold for her.

"I know for sure that your hot-shot CEO husband loves you and your children more than you can possibly comprehend, you and your family are his whole world." I whisper, looking deeply into her eyes and watch her breath-taking smile illuminate her face.

"As he is mine." She murmurs with no trace of mirth left in her voice, only quiet sincerity with an undertone of desire.

"I love you Mrs Grey, so very much, you… our children… you are my world, my everything. I'd die if I ever had to take a breath without you because life isn't worth living without you by my side, it's a mere existence."

"I love you too, your my world Christian Grey, I have never and will never love anyone else as madly, as passionately as I do you, you're my one and only, your my heart… you keep it beating with your love, your need for me." She cups my face in her delicate hands, the feel of her rings set my skin alight and I burn for her "Baby, take me upstairs to bed." She whispers and lightly touches her lips to my own.

"I'd love nothing more Mrs Grey…" I murmur, before getting up and lifting her into my arms.

"You want me to talk dirty again dear husband?" She giggles against my neck and I squeeze her ass.

"You better fucking believe it – I want you to tell me in great, filthy detail what you want me to do to you!

"It's my pleasure to serve you… sir." She whispers into my ear before tugging on the lobe and just like that, I'm rock fucking solid and pulsing. I smirk down at her and capture her lips.

"Let the filth begin baby…" I whisper as I shut the door to our bedroom for the weekend, vowing not to leave until my last surprize arrives, I just hope she likes it…

* * *

_Is it just me or is it fucking hot in here?! _

_I figured Ana should get more adventurous in her sex/seduction skills with age, in my opinion a man like our beloved CG would find Ana talking dirty to be so hot he wouldn't be able to control himself… let's face it, when did he ever control himself when it comes to our heroine Ana. _

_Hope you guys are enjoying the story, hopefully our next chapter should end with them back at home and the following should be the coping together charity dinner – after that it'll be Master Matthew's birth and so on. I don't know how much longer the story is going to go on for but hopefully you will be pleased at the end of our journey with these characters; my interpretation of them anyways. _

_With love always  
-Susie,xo_

_PS: Seriously, I need to give a shout-out to my super best friend Andrea aka And1rea – you are my rock; love you as much as a gay man loves Barbra Streisand _


	77. Chapter 77: Final Surprise!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

I wake up snuggled into my husband, my back to his front with his hand resting on my bump and his lips caressing my neck.

"Ana, baby… wake up – you have to get ready for dinner!" Christian whispers against my shoulder, softly nipping and caressing my skin with his velvet lips and tongue which elicits a half moan, half groan.

"Five more minutes…" I mumble into the pillow which causes Christian to chuckle.

"Baby, it's almost 6 o'clock… I've left you for as long as I can but you need to get up now." He murmurs, moving my hair away from my neck, leaving a trail of fire hot kisses in his wake.

"Are you going to get up or do I have to lift you from the bed and give you a cold shower?" He asks, a slight undercurrent of humor evident in his tone, yet I know he's completely serious; if I don't get up he'll lift me and stick me under the cold shower with all my clothes on – he has done it before after all.

"Okay, I'm up – I'm awake." I groan as I sit up, I just want to lie back down and snuggle until we need to catch our flight first thing tomorrow morning.

"Well then Mrs. Grey, I'll leave you to get yourself ready for dinner, we'll be leaving in an hour."

"Um, excuse me… where do you think you are going?" I ask, mock glaring as he walks back over to me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"Please forgive me Mrs Grey, where are my manners?" He murmurs with a smirk before sealing his mouth over my own, groaning low in his chest.

"If you'd woken earlier, we could have…" He whispers against my lips, slowly teasing along my jaw and down the curve of my neck, his teeth softly grazing my skin.

"If you'd only had the sense to wake me earlier Mr Grey, I would have taken care of your problem-" I murmur, thrusting my hips against the prominent bulge in his pants. "-but you didn't and if I only have an hour – I need to get ready, perfection doesn't happen all on its own you know."

"Oh but baby, with you… it does happen all on its own. If you ever believe any of my words completely and without question, it should be those. I love you Mrs Grey, now get that sexy ass ready." I press my lips to his, softly nibbling before pulling myself away.

**~o0o~**

I quickly slip into my dress; another by Caroline especially made to accommodate my bump. It's a cream silk slip dress with gorgeous fine black lace over the top that hangs about 2-3 inches below the hem of the slip. The lace has a scalloped hem and hangs just to my knee. A black silk ribbon sits just below my breasts, accentuating my bump and curves. I pair the outfit with black 4inch Louboutin heels. I quickly swoop my hair to one side and secure it with Swarovski crystal hair pins. I keep my make-up light by simply applying tinted moisturizer, mascara and nude lip gloss.

I head downstairs to find Christian waiting at the bottom. He holds out his hand to me and I place mine in his.

"Baby, you are absolutely stunning. Come sit with me for a moment." I frown slightly, I thought we were going out for this surprize, but if we're not, and it's anything like last night's picnic I will be more than blissfully happy.

Christian takes a seat and pulls me down on his lap, softly running his nose along the bare side of my neck. I groan as I feel that familiar pulling deep within me.

"I like this hairstyle; it allows me to do this all night long." He murmurs whilst leaving wet kisses along my neck.

"Hmm… I like the sound of that." I whisper, my voice showing my desire as plainly as spreading my legs and yelling 'take me'.

"Baby, believe me if I didn't know you'll be absolutely ecstatic with your surprize I'd cancel right now and take you upstairs to ravish your delectable body." I can't help the giggle that bubbles up as Christian's caressing kisses become more and more insistent.

"Maybe I want you to do exactly that, cancel and I'll take you again and again—" -kiss- "—And again." I softly nip along his jawline and I feel him grow hard underneath me. We're completely lost in the moment when a harsh and embarrassed cough pulls us from our lust filled haze.

"Mrs Grey, it seems that you have a delivery…" Christian smirks and kisses my lips over and over again in soft, sweet peck's. He gives my behind one last firm squeeze before helping me up. I narrow my eyes at him in question before he leads me from the room. He pauses in the foyer and spins me around to face him, taking my face in his hands; he rests his forehead against my own and strokes his nose along mine.

"I love you, go and open the door Mrs Grey…" He smiles, a blindingly bright and completely pantie busting grin and as I walk towards the door he lands a hard slap on my behind, I look over my shoulder and mock-narrow my eyes as I rub the spot he tapped, I can't help but grin back at him. I quickly pull open the door and see the back of a tall man, he slowly turns around and the next thing I know I have my harms wrapped around his neck and he clasps his arms around my waist.

"Luke—I've missed you so much." I say through tears as I hold him at arms-length, looking into his watery eyes. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand in the most un-ladylike fashion which makes Luke chuckle and ruffle my hair. I've missed him, the kids have missed him and I'm just so happy to have my big brother back. He's the closest thing to a brother I'll ever have and he will always have a special place in my heart. I feel Christian's arm snake around my waist and he kisses my temple before shaking Luke's hand.

"Ana you think you can let him go enough so that he can come inside?" Christian chuckles, his eyes twinkling with humor.

"Oh, sorry—come inside." I giggle, for the first time since I opened the door I tear my gaze from Luke's face and notice that he isn't alone. We step into the living room and Luke has his date's hand griped in his own.

"Ana, this is my girlfriend Lacy… Lace, this is Ana." Luke smiles down at the gorgeous young girl on his arm. She is heart-stoppingly beautiful.

"Pleased to meet you Ana…" She smiles as she holds her hand out to me; I push it away and give her a hug as best as I can, it's awkward when you have a bulge jutting out in front of you. We take a seat and Christian goes to open a bottle of champagne.

"So, how did you guys meet? How long have you been together?" I ask, smiling at Luke's bashful expression. He is completely and utterly smitten with Lacy. They look at each other and smile, practically eye-fucking each other which make me squeal with glee. Which is kind of reminiscent of how Mia reacted to me when I was introduced to the Grey's? Luke shakes his head at me and laughs because I am acting like a giggling school girl; I can't help it though… my 'big brother' has found love. They share a look with each other, obviously silently debating who is going to tell me how they met, eventually they break their headed gaze as Christian strides into the room with our glasses. He lays the tray on the coffee table and hands both Lacy and Luke a glass of champagne, then takes one for himself whilst handing me a champagne flute filled with orange juice which makes me scowl and pout! Christian leans into me and softly whisper in my ear.

"Don't pout baby… unless you want me to pick you up and run upstairs to have my wicked way with you…" He finishes his statement by grazing my earlobe with his teeth, flash burning my core. When he starts to pull away I hold onto him and he chuckles.

"We've got company baby, remember?" Shit. I can't help my nervous giggle and blush. When I manage to tear my gaze from Christian's eyes I notice that Lacy is staring at Christian, then blushes when she realises I'm watching her.

"So come on Luke, how long have you been keeping this one locked away?" He asks, grabbing my hand and laughs with Luke.

"I haven't been… just recent events made me realise what I couldn't stand to lose." He whispers the last part then takes Lacy's hand and raises it to his lips.

"Luke's parents have been friends with mine for as long as I can remember. His mom always made him take me out to play and made sure he'd look out for me when we were little. I was fourteen when Luke enlisted in the armed forces at nineteen. I had a little hero worship going on for him but he didn't see me as anything other than an annoying kid who hung on his every word.

We never really saw each other much after that and whenever he was home he spent the majority of his time catching up with his guy friends before shipping back out. It was Christmas time and Luke had come home for three weeks, his mom made him attend our annual Christmas party and I had just turned seventeen, when he walked in my heart just stopped beating and the look in his eyes made me melt. We had fun for those three weeks and then he left for another tour of Afghanistan. I was worried that what we had was just a fling that meant nothing to Luke. After his twelve month tour he left the service and come home, I thought we'd pick right up where we left off, he called me straight away and took me out on a wonderful date, I don't think I'd ever been so happy, but a week later he came over to my house to tell me we were over because I'd been seen with a number of different guys whilst he was away. I tried to tell him that it wasn't true and that whoever had told him that was lying but he wouldn't listen. He told me that what we had was nothing but a little fun anyway, that I was to forget he existed, to move onto someone else because I'd obviously moved on the minute he left anyway. I was crushed and I tried to forget him and move on like he said but no one could ever make me feel butterflies like I did for Luke.

We saw each other from time to time, on the rare occasion that Luke visited with his parents back in New York. Even though it was years and years later I would try my hardest to hide how much I still loved him and how much he'd hurt me. I'd even go so far as to make sure I'd bring a date—I'd beg my guy friends to come with me as my date when we were invited to his parent's parties whenever he was home.

When Diane—Luke's mother—called to tell my mom that he'd been shot and was in critical condition I just felt—" She shakes her head and closes her eyes, obviously reliving the awful memories of what happened. Luke squeezes the hand he's holding and wraps his other arm around her shoulder whilst running his free hand up and down her arm.

"—my heart was in my throat and I was just sobbing, terrified that I didn't fight for him when I had the chance, I just accepted what he said and never really tried to convince him that what we had was real. When Luke told me about the move to Seattle, no girl ever wants to hear the words 'what we had was fun, but that's all' and they especially don't want to be accused of being with someone else when it isn't true so I reacted very badly, I pushed him away by telling him that I'd meet someone else anyway and that I didn't want to be with him which wasn't true.

So whilst my mom was talking to Diane about Luke's condition I went upstairs and grabbed a duffle bag full of clothes and my passport then caught the first flight to Seattle, the entire plane ride was filled with anxiety because I didn't know if I'd get there in time and not knowing if he was dead or alive was sheer torture and what I wanted the most in that moment was to say the words I should have said the night he told me he was leaving… that I loved him more than I ever thought possible—" Luke's eyes are shining and sparkling with love for the beautiful girl beside him and I know he loves her, it's written all over them both and I am so happy for them, so much so that Christian kisses away a stray tear and pulls me closer to his chest.

"The night of the Christmas party, I walked into Lacy's house, I saw her standing at the top of the staircase and for the first time I noticed her as someone other than the young girl I was made to play with. The three weeks that I was at home with Lace were bliss but I knew the bubble had to burst, I couldn't expect her to put her life on hold whilst I was on the front lines, I was in a risky situation and I didn't want her to hurt even more if something went wrong. When I came home we met up for our date and had fun, my parents and I had a disagreement of sorts and I was told a heap of bullshit about Lacy, I felt like I couldn't stay in New York, having to see her with other men and know that she didn't think of me as much as I'd thought of her during my last year in the army.

When I confronted her she looked like she was in so much pain—I was so stupid… I knew deep down that she was telling me the truth and she hadn't been with anyone but me, my stupid male pride wouldn't let me believe it. Lacy was only eighteen at the time and I figured that we just weren't compatible; we obviously were in different places and weren't meant to be. I didn't go home much, I didn't want to, but every time we'd see each other she'd have another guy on her arm, I thought she'd taken my advice and moved on.

When all that shit went down and I heard a car driving out of the garage with you and Olivia, I thought I was going to bleed out on that concrete and apart from the guilt of harm coming to you and Olivia; all I could think about is how I wished I'd told Lacy how I felt, told her that I was in love with her and believed her when she told me that it wasn't true. I was so out of it, with all the drugs they'd pumped into me but I remember feeling a soft small hand in mine and despite my discomfort of being shot and operated on, her hand in mine felt amazing. When I woke up her eyes were the first thing I saw, I knew I'd found home. Christian came to see me when I had woken and told me to take some personal time off to recover and Lace suggested going back home for a few weeks so I agreed and I suppose the rest is history. Lacy is coming with me to Seattle tomorrow, we're moving in together." I smile and I can't help the tears which make Luke and Christian laugh like crazy.

"Shush I'm a very emotional pregnant lady so you'll just have to deal with the hormones Matty is giving me which so happens to make me cry." I say as I wave my hands at my eyes trying to waft air to dry the tears that haven't fallen yet.

"Baby, we're not laughing at you… okay well we were but I love you, can you let me get a little of those soft lips." He threads his fingers into my hair and slowly lays his lips against mine, in a very PG peck he always says my lips are soft when I cry, lord knows why.

"Are we ready then?" Christian asks and Luke nods and stands up, offering his hand to Lacy who is staring at my husband with… awe, I can't identify the look she is giving him but it makes me uncomfortable.

**~o0o~**

"So what do you fancy Mrs Grey, apart from me?" Christian smirks as he nuzzles against my neck whilst I look over the menu, I can't help my blush as I notice Lacy staring at us again.

"I can't decide, so why don't you just order for me Mr Grey." I smile as I kiss his lips. The waiter comes over with our drinks and my mouth waters in anticipation of the bubbly, deliciously refreshing soda water and lime with crushed ice; I take a long sip through my straw and moan in delight.

"So, how have you been Ana?" Luke asks me, a brief look of guilt passes over his strong features which makes my heart pang; he has nothing to feel guilty for!

"I'm good… though if I'm being honest, I had a hard time adjusting to everything that happened but Christian really helped me get through it. Luke, listen to me… what happened to us was horrible but I should have listened to you, I just couldn't leave you there alone, which ended up happening anyway." I reach over and take his hand giving it a squeeze.

"You couldn't have done anything more Luke, so please stop feeling guilty for something that you haven't done and we can enjoy our night okay?" I end with a beaming smile which Luke returns and nods once.

"Okay."

**~o0o~**

Christian orders the lamb and vegetable risotto for us, whilst Luke gets fillet steak with trimmings and Lacy orders the Seafood pasta in a tomato based sauce. We enjoy our meal, talking and laughing with each other I keep catching Lacy looking at Christian for a little too long, and each time she has a strange expression on her face, a little like awe and longing. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom whilst Luke decides to do the same. I quickly pee and wash my hands.

_Will you stop, there is nothing going on – Lacy and Christian have JUST met. Pull yourself together and stop being pathetic! _My subconscious screams at me like a banshee, she's right of course, not that I like that fact. I am being pathetic, Christian wouldn't hurt me like that ever again and he's given me no reason not to trust him, he's been there for me 100% throughout everything that's happened and I trust him with my life. I look at myself in the mirror and fix my hair, quickly reapplying my lip gloss and head back out to the table.

As I am walking back over I see Lacy's hand over Christian's and she's leaning in towards him smiling and he's smiling back. My stomach drops to the floor as my heart is encased in ice cold fear.

_What's this? He never lets anyone he doesn't know touch him?_

I stride back over to the table purposefully, my eyes trained on Lacy the entire time. When she turns to look at me she pulls her hand away quickly and paints a smile on her face. I don't think Christian knows what I just seen as he stands up and kisses my cheek then pulls out my chair for me to sit back down, smiling the entire time.

"Do you want dessert baby?" He asks me, kissing my temple softly. I feel sick to my stomach, what if he's…

_NO! Stop, it's probably something innocent and you're jumping to conclusions with nothing more than a gut feeling?!_

"No, I don't want anything. I'm stuffed." He chuckles at me and kisses my forehead and rubs my stomach.

"Well, you might be hungry for some dessert when we get back to the house." He whispers into my ear, his breath tickling my neck as his eyes darken with pure, carnal lust. Wow. Luke comes back to the table and takes a seat, quickly kissing Lacy's forehead just as Christian calls for the check.

* * *

Ana gets up to go to the bathroom and Luke decides to go too, leaving me alone with his girlfriend Lacy, who has been staring at Ana and I the whole night.

"What's your problem?" I ask, practically growling, her eyes widen and a pink blush colors her cheeks.

"What do you mean? I don't have a problem?" She frowns at me, looking genuinely confused.

"You've been staring at Ana and I the whole night; you're making my wife uncomfortable."

"Oh my god, please don't tell me that you think I'm coming onto you?"

"Well why have you been giving me those looks?" I ask, still irritated by the love sick stares she's thrown me all night long.

"Mr Grey, I was just watching you two thinking that what I want more than anything in the world is for Luke and I to have a marriage like yours and Ana's. You look at her like she's the only woman in the world and I just couldn't help but watch the two of you together. Forgive me if I caused any offence, I didn't mean any harm by it… I'm sorry, just please don't take this out on Luke, I don't want him to lose his job, he thinks so much of you both, and your kids." Her eyes widen in panic and I feel like a dick.

"Lacy, I'm sorry… I just thought, not that I am being vain or anything but I get that reaction from a lot of women, hell I was in Toys'R'Us with Ana buying some presents for our kids and the sales assistant shoved a note in my hand along with my credit card with her number to call her when I get tired of my 'pregnant, boring housewife.' along with a slew of obscenities. I apologize for jumping to the wrong conclusion anyone can see that you and Luke are deeply in love and I hope you both are as happy as Ana and I.

"It's okay, really… I know what women can be like when they come across a handsome man – but for me, Luke is the only man that matters, excluding my dad of course." I chuckle and nod.

"I can only pray that my daughters feel the same about me. The mere thought of them dating terrifies me!" She smiles and laughs.

"How old are your daughters?" Lacy asks, resting her chin on her palm whilst scanning the room for Luke's return, oh she has it bad.

"Gracie is four going on twenty-four, she's a little madam who has me wrapped around her little fingers, and she knows it. Olivia is sixteen months old, she isn't half the work Gracie was at her age and our eldest, Teddy is ten and he is definitely a momma's boy. Our fourth is due in August. It'll be a busy house when Matthew is born."

"I hope Luke and I get married and have babies someday, a lovely house with the white picket fence, everything… the American dream." Her eyes twinkle whenever she or anyone else mentions Luke's name.

"I really do apologize for being a complete asshole to you before." She smiles and shakes her head, reaching her hand out laying it over mine and gives a light squeeze.

"Don't worry about it Mr Grey, It's forgotten about."

"Please, call me Christian." I smile, feeling a little better about my complete lack of manners earlier.

A few moments later my scalp starts to tingle and I know Ana is nearby, I turn my head around and see her walking towards me with a sad expression and I instantly know why, she also thinks that Lacy is after me, whether she is upset because of that alone or the fact that she thinks Luke's girlfriend is lusting after me remains to be seen. I quickly stand up and pull her chair out and give her a soft kiss on the cheek before she sits down.

"Do you want dessert baby?" I ask, kissing her temple, trying to silently reassure her that she is all I want.

"No, I don't want anything. I'm stuffed." She say's blowing her cheeks out like a hamster then exhales which makes me laugh.

"Well, you might be hungry for some dessert when we get back to the house." I whisper, leaning into her, breathing her delicious scent as Luke walks back and takes a seat beside Lacy, he kisses her forehead and I notice her breathing increase which makes me smile. I am happy that Luke has someone, even though she looks a little like Ana.

I call for the check and Luke tries to pay the bill and I am not even contemplating agreeing to that. I hand over my card and leave the waiter a nice tip before we're up and out of the restaurant. I place my hand on Ana's lower back as Luke takes Lacy's hand. I never knew going on a double date with an employee could be this much fun, we'll have to do the same with Gail and Jason when we go home, and before Matty is born.

Taylor is waiting for us in front of the restaurant and we all get into the SUV. When we get back to the house I see Ana frowning, probably wondering why Luke is going over to their car and removing a small overnight bag. I hold her close and kiss her just below her ear which makes her breath hitch.

"Luke's staying here with us tonight since it'd be silly for them to go back to Manhattan just to come back here to catch the flight. I didn't think you'd mind." She's still frowning when she tries to give me a smile and nods.

"Ana… is there something wrong? Do you feel okay?" I ask, pressing my lips to her forehead checking to see if she's too warm.

"Christian, I'm fine, just a little tired… it's been a long day. I'm going to go upstairs and get changed out of this dress." I give her a quick peck on the lips before she turns and goes upstairs.

"Christian, is she alright?" Luke asks looking to where Ana just left the room.

"Yeah, she's fine… it's just been a long day and she's tired." I try to sound a little less worried than I am, to be honest I just want to go upstairs and bury myself in her until morning.

"I'm a little tired myself to be honest. Luke did you bring in the bag with my PJ's?" Lacy asks Luke, standing on her tip-toes to reach Luke's lips, which makes him blush, probably worried that he's being unprofessional.

"Luke, you aren't on duty, relax. Do you want a beer?" I ask laughing at him which makes Lacy laugh too.

"Sure… I'll just take Lace up to our room." I nod my agreement and head to the kitchen to grab a couple of beers and pour Ana a glass of soda water and lime. I grab some ice and blitz it in the blender before adding it to her drink, I decide to pour one out for Lacy too because I forgot to ask what she wanted.

I just sit down when Lacy and Luke walk into the living room hand in hand. They've both changed Lacy into some awful pink pyjamas and Luke into sweats which make me want out of this suit.

"Christian, are you sure Ana is alright… when we walked past your room it sounded like she was crying." Luke says Lacy nods and both of them look concerned.

"I was just heading upstairs to change out of this suit anyway so I'll go check on her. Luke, I'm sure we'll be able to catch the highlights over on the sports channel from tonight's game." Luke nods and grabs the remote before Lacy settles back into his arms.

I take the stairs two at a time worried about my wife, and eager to have her in my arms.

* * *

I feel like an idiot, I don't even know why I'm crying… well that's a lie—I know why I'm crying it's the reasoning that make me feel like the idiot. In my heart I know Christian would never hurt me the way he did before, and he did his best to reassure me back at the restaurant yet I can't help but feel inferior.

She's young, pretty and has a killer body, why would he want me when he has an abundance of prettier, younger and thinner girls falling at his feet.

_Will you stop for a second! Christian loves you, he doesn't want anyone but you… hell he could have fucked that girl from the toy store ten ways from Sunday, he could have kept the number and not said a word but he didn't because the only person he wants to fuck is YOU!_ I know my subconscious is right so why can't I stop crying?

I slip my lavender night gown on, and shrug into my robe. I take out the hair pins and wash my face to get rid of the tear stains and panda eyes all the while still crying. A few moments later there is a light knock on the bathroom door.

"Ana, baby—are you alright?" Shit, he's going to think I'm nuts, and well I guess I am after spending forty minutes crying about nothing.

"I'm f-fine." My voice cracks and a new wave of tears start to fall.

"I know you're not because you're crying… please let me in or come out?" I wipe my tears away and take a deep breath. I really don't want to face him right now because I am being stupid.

"Ana… baby full disclosure remember?"

_Open the damn door, you have to talk to him—tell him how you're feeling, you can't expect him to open up to you, and you not open up to him! _

I open the door; Christian takes in my red, puffy eyes and immediately pulls me into his arms.

"What's wrong, please tell me? Are you in pain, baby you're really scaring me…" He whispers and I can feel the fear radiating from him which makes me feel even more stupid and pathetic than I did before. He pulls back and caresses my cheeks with his hands before giving me a sweet peck on the lips.

"It's nothing Christian, I'm just being stupid. Please, let's just forget about it okay?" I figuratively cross my fingers and hope that he doesn't press the issue.

"No, how can it be 'nothing' if you've spent forty minutes in tears?" I sigh and rest my head on Christian's chest, wrapping and interlocking my hands around his waist.

"I just feel… Lacy is an incredibly beautiful woman and I've watched her watch you all night, I saw her touch you and you didn't pull away… not that I think you would ever do anything like that to hurt me but it just makes me feel inferior, she's younger, thinner, and beautiful. I know I shouldn't feel this way… I just can't help but feel like you deserve better t—" He silences me with his mouth, his tongue lapping along the length of my own whilst he grasps my face in his hands.

"I want… you! Only you…" He pulls back from my mouth and grasps my hand, pulling it roughly to press against his crotch, feeling his hardened length beneath the wool of his dress pants as he involuntarily thrusts his hips against my palm. I rub in circles, feeling him grow and strain against the fabric.

"That. That is how much I want you, how hard you make me… feel it Ana, feel it and believe it. No one, no matter how fucking perfect you deem them to be will ever be more 'perfect' for me than you. Only you!" He almost growls in anger, he gathers my hair into his hand and pulls it rather harshly to one side.

"Your neck… is my favourite part of your body; I have to make a conscious effort not to think about it in meetings because I'd leave every one with a massive hard-on." He whispers as he nuzzles his nose along the curve of my neck, where it meets my shoulder.

"I love to taste it, right here—is where your scent is at its strongest!" He lick's up the length of my jugular vein and back down again before biting down on the wing of my shoulder, hard, which makes me gasp as a pulse of pure, hot desire makes its way down to my groin.

"As much as I'd love to ravish every single inch of your _fucking PERFECT _body right now, we have guests downstairs, plus I need to tell you about what happened when you were at the bathroom with Luke." A knot forms in my stomach at the thought of what transpired between my husband and my brother's girlfriend. Christian takes both my hands and pulls me over towards our bed and we take a seat, never letting go of my hands. His thumbs skirt back and forth, soothing and calming me with his magic touch.

"When you and Luke left, I rather harshly asked Lacy what her fucking problem was and she looked at me like she was genuinely confused so I said to her that she'd been staring at us all night, and even though you hadn't said anything I told her that she was making you uncomfortable. She cringed and said 'oh please don't tell me you think I'm coming onto you' that I was sick of the looks she'd been throwing me all night. I have never felt as big of an ass when she told me why she was staring.

Baby, she apologized for staring, she was just watching us and thinking 'I hope that Luke and I have a marriage like yours because you look at Ana like she's the only woman in the world. I want that for Luke and I.' then she practically begged me not to fire Luke. I obviously felt like an asshole so I apologized for jumping to the wrong conclusions and I tried to explain without making myself look like a vain prick. So I told her about what happened the other day when we were shopping and she reached over and squeezed my hand to basically reassure me that it wasn't a problem because I was mortified at automatically assuming she was coming onto me."

Oh.

"I'm sorry, I guess I am guilty of jumping to the wrong conclusions too Mr Grey, but I suppose it's only natural… you are the sexist man to walk the face of the earth, and your mine."

"Damn right I'm yours, and don't forget it!" He chuckles and kisses the tip of my nose "Come, we'll go downstairs and have a quick drink with our guests then I'm taking you to bed, to ravish your perfect body Mrs Grey."

"Will you make me a soda and lime, with lots of ice?" I ask, kissing his lips over and over as his hands settle on my behind, softly rubbing and kneading my cheeks.

"I already did, and it's waiting on you. Come let's get your sexy ass downstairs!" Christian ties my robe, probably making sure that Luke won't get a free show which makes me smirk.

* * *

Ana and Lacy chat amongst themselves whilst Luke and I discuss the latest acquisition for our home team.

"So, are you looking forward to coming back to work then Luke?" I chuckle as I take a swig of my third beer.

"Uh… yes and no. Yes because I can't wait to see my nieces and nephew and introduce them to Lacy… that is okay right?" I laugh and nod.

"Sure, I think Lacy is going to be the latest addition to my wife's shopping team." Luke shakes his head and takes a long drink from his beer bottle.

"Seriously, Lace can easily spend an entire day looking through Macy's and spend ten thousand without batting an eye." My brows arch, how on earth is Luke going to be able to foot the bills for his girls shopping sprees? I know I pay well but I don't pay that well, maybe she's independently wealthy or comes from money?

"I'm rich too… I'm the sole heir to my parent's fortune." My eyes widen in shock. I never knew.

"I don't speak to my parents, but I have more than enough money. They were who told me that Lacy had been with other men whilst I was away… I should have known it was bullshit though because I was her first, you 'know?" I nod and chuckle.

"I know, I was Ana's first too" We just stare at the TV screen, trying to figure out what to say next.

"This conversation just got really weird didn't it?" Luke asks with a chuckle and I join in.

"Yup, it really did!" I look over at our girls and they are still laughing and talking like they've known each other for years rather than hours.

"Lace, I don't know about you but I am exhausted. I think I'm going to turn in." She looks up at him and her eyes darken which both Ana and I notice. She gives him a small smile and nod before standing up and reaching for his hand.

"Uh Luke, Lacy just hold on for a second—" I take a deep breath and shake my head, trying to keep a straight face and Ana is smirking knowing what I'm going to do, she knows me so well.

"I… Look I don't want to make this awkward but you two have to sleep in separate rooms. I don't think it's appropriate to share a bed with your girlfriend in the presence of your employer and his wife." I finish, keeping my impassive expression as does Ana. Lacy's eyes widen and a bright red blush passes over her face and Luke's mouth is hanging open. I know what he's thinking…

_'You are a kinky bastard and fucked 15 different woman in a sexual playroom, whipping and caning them for your pleasure!'_

"Uh…um, well…I-" Ana couldn't contain her laughter any longer at the sight of Luke blushing whilst he tried to stutter out an appropriate, respectful response.

"You, that was so mean! I am mortified!" Lacy whispers into Luke's chest as she giggles with embarrassment.

"Sorry, I just couldn't resist. Feel free to go upstairs and have your fun because I know we're going to have our own." If it was possible Lacy's blush got deeper, Luke chuckles and shakes his head at me.

"Goodnight Christian. Night Ana, I'm glad to be back." He ruffles Ana's hair before leaving the room. I pull Ana up from the sofa since she's having problems getting up because of her bump. I grab the remote and turn the television and lights off.

"Baby, would you please make me another soda and lime… with lots of crushed ice." She looks up at me with pleading eyes. I chuckle and kiss her forehead.

"Sure, come… I'll make it and then we're going to bed." I whisper the last part before kissing her softly. I quickly chuck some ice into the blender, blitzing it until it's in small chips and scoop some into a glass before pouring a little lime and filling up the glass with soda water. I wrap my arm around Ana's waist, my hand resting on the small of her back as we head upstairs.

She takes a long sip of her drink before setting it on the end table. I smirk as I move her hair out of the way before leaving open mouthed kisses on her neck and shoulder. I pull the belt of her silk robe open and slip my hands around her bump from behind, all the while still maintaining my lips contact with her neck. I slip the silk robe from her shoulders to reveal a gorgeous plunging crossover neckline, silk nightgown, which is lavender in color and compliments her pale skin and dark hair. The material is gathered in soft ruches around her breasts and has a lavender slip stitched into the neck line and is tight under her breasts to showcase her bump. I feel myself harden even further as I cup her heavy breasts from behind, softly and gently massaging the soft flesh mounds.

"Ana, you are so beautiful—I love you so much. I will never want anyone other than you, please believe me on that because it's the truth. Feel what you do to me…" I pull her back against my chest by her hips, grinding my erection against her delectable ass.

"I love you too Christian, so much—I'm sorry about earlier, I was being insecure and I don't know why because you haven't given me any reason not to be secure in our marriage." I softly sigh against her pale neck, kissing along the curve of her shoulder as my heart pangs.

"Baby, we both know that's not true, but I know something that is, and that's how much I love you. You are my lover, my wife, my best friend and I will do everything in my power to make you believe that for whatever reason, you can trust me again."

"No, Christian—I do trust you, really, truly… and completely. Tonight was simply my hormones taking over, even when I was sitting in the bathroom, I couldn't convince myself that you were doing anything wrong—I knew you wouldn't do that to me, I trust you!" She spins around and roughly grabs my face, pulling me towards her waiting lips, caressing my cheeks and running her fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp which makes me moan loudly.

"I've wanted you the whole night… from the minute you revealed that beautiful dress; I really wanted to peel you out of it! Though, I'll settle for peeling you out of this nightgown; always in satins or silks baby… always." I murmur gathering the hem of the silk gown and delicately pulling it up her body, slowly revealing her beautiful swollen form. I toss it to the side and cup her wonderful breasts.

* * *

"Fuck, baby—I am so glad that you kept the lingerie on!" He groans rubbing and kneading my behind before laying a hard smack on my right cheek. I bite my lip as I cup his face, slowly pulling his lips against my own. It's a slow, sweet and deep kiss filled with moans and sighs of utter contentment.

"I love you, so much. You are all I want, all I think about—please believe that. Please?" He murmurs, his lips caressing my cheek as he holds me as close as possible with my bump.

"I do, I believe you—I was just being hormonal. I know that you'd never hurt me like that again, please believe me." I say as I look deeply into his eyes, stroking his jawline with the backs of my fingers.

"Come to bed with me, I want to worship your beautiful body." He smiles at me, pecking my lips over and over as he slowly walks me backwards until I feel the bed behind my knees. He reaches around and unclasps my bra before softly pulling the straps down my arms and allowing it to fall to the floor.

"Lie back baby, I am going to make you feel so good, I promise." He whispers, cupping my neck with his large hand whilst stroking my cheek with his thumb. He lowers me horizontally over the bed, with my feet still touching the floor. He takes my bent knees in his hands and pushes them open so he can kneel on the floor in the space between.

"Your skin is so soft, sweet." He picks up my left foot, lifting it so that his soft lips caress arch, slowly moving up my calf to my knee, and then repeating the same gesture to my right. But instead of stopping there, he continues up past my knee, gently licking and sucking my inner thigh, but stops before reaching the apex. I can't contain the low groan that bubbles up my chest, followed by his quiet chuckle.

"Patience baby, all good things…" He moves back to my left, lifting my leg up, tickling the underside of my knee with the tip of his tongue, sensation flooding to my groin as I feel my wet warmth spread out to my limbs. He kisses my knee twice before moving further up the inside of my thigh, just as he did with the other, but moves to kiss up the front of my panties. He takes both my legs into his arms, pulling me closer to the edge of the bed, so that my behind is hanging over. He stares lovingly into my eyes whilst tickling soft circles up the outside of my thighs until he reaches my panties. He hooks his thumbs inside the soft satin and pulls them down, dropping them to the floor before lifting my legs over his shoulders.

"I'm going to make you come so hard, do you remember how you spoke to me earlier… what you said, how you said it. I'm going to show you just how hot I can get you my beautiful wife." I groan loudly which makes him chuckle as he turns his head to the side, kissing up my thigh once more, I feel my breathing increase as the sweet anticipation of feeling those lips on my most sensitive spots consume me and set me alight with burning desire. I feel his warm breath, my moist flesh tingling, kindling a low fire within my core, there is barely a hairsbreadth separating us and just as I think he's going to surrender and give me what I crave, want and need he turns his head the other way and kisses his way back down the opposite thigh.

"Christian… please! Uhh, I need you—I want to feel you…" I shamelessly beg, pleading with him to take me to our shared satisfaction.

"Hush, baby… you'll have me, just breathe… I'm yours; I'm here solely for your pleasure and believe me when I say that you are going to come so hard." He runs his hands from my ankles, which are currently residing next to his ears all the way up the outside of my legs and thighs.

"You have such soft skin, and your legs; I love them when they're wrapped around me, especially like they are right now, wrapped around my neck. I am going to fuck you so hard, so deep that you'll feel me echoed in each movement you make for days, where I've been and where I've touched. I can smell your juices from here and they… Ughhh, so delicious."

Oh. My. Lord. I feel even more warmth echo in my core, flash burns of heat and moisture, preparing me for his length. He leans forward, so that the back of my knees are comfortably draped over his shoulders with his hands supporting my behind, a cheek in each hand. He moves his highly skilled mouth towards me as his hands lift and tilt my hips for better access.

His tongue moves in long, languid strokes, lapping and fluttering his tongue around my entrance before nuzzling my clitoris with his nose. I thread my hands into his copper locks and moan loudly.

"That's it baby, I want to hear you... do you want me to make you come?" I groan, arching my neck as my body pulses with need.

"Oh god, yes… please!"

"How would you like me to do so? I can kiss you here…" He moves closer to my nub of pure pleasure and takes it into his mouth, his tongue moving around and around as he hollows his cheeks.

"Ughhh… fuck!" I mewl, my eyes rolling back my head as I try to rock my hips. I pull hard on his hair, holding him and his magical mouth close to me until he takes my hands and removes them.

"What about if I touch you… here?" He inserts his forefinger into my core, circling around and around, stretching me so I feel him on all sides, a few seconds later he adds his middle finger, hooking them and stroking my front wall, pressing on that hot-spot that drives me nuts.

"Yeah, right there… oh god, you feel so good, so warm and wet. I can't wait to fuck you hard baby… What about if I add my mouth to the mix?" He murmurs, and before I can even process his statement he pulls my clitoris into that powerful mouth and starts to suckle me, still stroking my hot-spot. I can't think, I can barely breathe all I know and feel is him and the way he plays my body like a fine tuned instrument, an instrument of pure, unadulterated pleasure.

I feel sweat mist over my skin and I'm breathing hard, Christian has brought me to the brink of release twice and is continuing towards the third.

"Christian…" I pant as his mouth and fingers work me over.

"What is it baby, what do you need?" He whispers against my wet flesh then resumes his previous activity.

"I need you, I need… Ughhh, I… I need you to fuck me!" I groan as I feel my body start to tingle, coiling for the violent release I know I am building towards. I feel more moisture gush between my legs which make Christian hum as he savours my taste.

"You taste so fucking good Anastasia… you're so sexy when you writhe, when the room is filled with your moans and groans of passion and love! I love you so much… baby, so fucking much!"

He takes my legs from his shoulders and lays them across his thighs, hooking his arms over and under my knees as he pulls me towards him and returns his earlier position with my behind cupped in his large hands. He gives me a few firm squeezes, kneading my cheeks before removing one hand to position himself at my entrance. He runs the tip of his erection up and down my sex, coating himself in my arousal, my back arches as I moan.

"You're going to scream so loud when you come baby, so fucking loud! I'm so hard for you, it's almost painfully hard and I'm throbbing, calling for you and the only thing that will relieve my discomfort and pain is fucking you!" He's taking me to completely new heights and I swear I feel like I am burning from within, burning with desire and love… he's everything. I whimper in anticipation.

"Hard and fast Mrs. Grey, is that okay with you?" He asks, as his eyes almost turn completely black with desire.

"Mmhm, very okay!" I smile up at him; he looms over me to suckle my nipple whilst he plays with the other, sending whispers of wind up and down my spine. My back fully arches as he penetrates me completely. He is standing up, with my legs hooked around his calves, pulling me towards him as he thrusts into me in one fast, fluid motion. This position is the easiest to manoeuvre because of my bump.

He drives into me over and over, slowly building in momentum and intensity until they become almost violent, fierce and very erotic. He rears back, pulling out until the tip of his length is barely inside me, he swivels his hips so that he tickles my entrance and I feel a burst of white hot heat.

"Ahh, deeper please… don't stop Christian, please don't stop!" I can't contain the noises erupting from within me, I start to feel my knees quake and shake as I get closer to the edge as he teases me mercilessly with his tip."

"Baby… fuck! You're so tight, wet and a raging fire has consumed me." He grunts and hisses through his teeth as he slams back inside me, making my eyes roll back in my head. He picks up speed, pounding into me over and over. It feels like we have been fucking for hours with no release making me claw at his back as I feel myself build for the fifth time.

"Don't come Ana, control it baby—I feel you quivering, I promise if you control it you'll come so hard but not until I say." I groan as his words register, I need to fucking come or I'm going to die of frustration!

"You're so sexy, so fucking sexy!" He growls, his fingernails digging into my behind so hard that I know I'll have ten finger shaped bruises tomorrow, if not already. He keeps thrusting and an even pace; varying from gentle, shallow thrusts to hard, deep thrusts alternating between the two. I feel like I am going to lose my mind if I don't come soon.

"C-christian, I don't know how much longer I can hold off, baby please?" I mewl, pushing my head into the soft mattress. He reaches down and presses his fore and index fingers against my throbbing clitoris, moving in languid circles which makes me groan. He squeezes my behind, slightly lifting and tilting my hips as he moves even deeper hitting every spot inside me which drives me half-crazy with want and need!

"Open your eyes Ana, baby keep looking at me… are you ready?" He asks his voice hoarse and grainy with strain.

"God yes, I am so ready! Please, faster and harder Christian—fuck me hard, ahh, baby please!" I whine... the pulsing and throbbing of my core is maddening and addictive all at the same time! Christian groans at my answer, he rears back and slams his hips against mine, so hard that I slide up the bed with sheer force. He moves his hands to my hips holding me even harder as he pounds into my swollen, battered flesh. I know I am going to be sore tomorrow but the pain increases the pleasure to completely consuming heights. He looks down at me, his eyes hooded and intense, almost black in color. I feel a bead of sweat drip of his nose which lands on my stomach. I am more than positive that this is the longest we've gone without a single release, and I'd wager that we've been fucking for over an hour at least!

"I feel you Ana, you're almost there, and you're wet heat feels so good on my cock." He leans over and places an open mouthed kiss on my stomach.

"Fuck! Fuck, you feel fucking amazing baby! SO. FUCKING. AMAZING! God you're still so tight!"

"You fuck me so good Christian—your cock is hitting every fucking spot I have!"

"UGHH, COME. FOR… ME, B-BABY!" My body falls apart at his command, sending waves of unparalleled pleasure ripping through my body; I clutch the sheets in my hand as my body bows of the bed.

"JESUS FUCK! Oh GOD! F-fffucck Christian!" I scream as my orgasm still continues. Christian is still thrusting into me with the same vigour.

"ANA baby! SHIT! YOU. FEEL. SO. TIGHT!" He grunts each word staccato as he rubs out both of our orgasms, I am still coming to the point of my vision blurring as I flop and contort like a fish on the ground. He keeps a hold of me, stopping me from hurting myself.

"Ana, baby… breathe! That's it… shh, I've got you sweet girl!" I finally begin coming down and my body relaxes completely into the bed.

"I… god…that…how…Jesus!" I am well and truly fucked senseless and I can't help the face splitting grin that turns into full blown giggles. Christian chuckles with me, his eyes dancing with amusement.

"Mrs Grey, are you incoherent?" He smirks, crawling up onto the bed beside me; we're still lying across the bed horizontally as I turn on my side Christian pulls me to his bare, chiselled chest. We're completely naked, stated and calm. He moves my hair to the side and kisses across my shoulder.

"I think I am. That was pure and unparalleled pleasure. We have another first Mr Grey!" I smirk, stroking the forearm that's wrapped around my waist with his hand on my bump, softly stroking and caressing our son. I feel rather than see Christian's smile against my skin and I snuggle into his chest.

"Come on then, tell me our latest first." He whispers, stroking the back of my neck with whispering fingers that run all over me.

"I came so hard that I literally seen stars!" He bursts out laughing against my shoulder, and I join in with him.

"I'm glad we got another first, I seen stars after your performance earlier today. That was the hottest sex I've ever had. Although the round we just had is definitely second, baby I swear between the afternoon's hot dirty mouth talk and tonight—you've fucking drained me!" He smirks, leaning over me and kissing my lips.

"Should I be proud of my seduction skills then Mr Grey?" I ask, batting my eyelashes at him.

"Oh definitely! We've had fun on this trip haven't we?" He asks and I nod my head vigorously.

"I feel like me again Christian, I feel like I'm back to being the girl you fell in love with." I whisper, feeling my eyes well up and I am thankful that Christian cannot see my face, but I'm screwed if I speak; he'll know instantly that something is wrong.

"Ana baby, are you alright?" He asks, kissing my shoulder softly whilst running the tips of his fingers up and down my arm. I turn in his arms and look at him with my watery eyes; he quickly leans over and brushes my tear away with a kiss.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine… it's just, this trip… I feel like I found myself after being lost for so long and that's all down to you. I love you Christian and you've made these last few days so special." His jaw twitches as he runs his knuckles over my cheek.

"It was hard seeing you so ill and unhappy—all I wanted to do was kiss it better but you built a wall around yourself and I couldn't get through to you… when you were sitting on the stairs and you asked for help, Ana I was so happy because that meant that this horrid period of our lives could be over and we could be happy again and baby I am so fucking happy right now. I'm glad you enjoyed the trip despite my outbursts, I love you Mrs Grey, more than my own life."

"I love you too Christian, so much." He cups the side of my neck in his hand whilst his thumb traces over my cheek. He leans down and slowly moulds his lips to mine and I feel desire reignite my blood and quiver in my belly which makes him chuckle.

"You drained me… remember? Hard Christian has definitely left the building." He says sardonically as he lifts the covers to illustrate his point, or lack thereof.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry about… that!" I snigger which causes Christian to start tickling my sides but instead of continuing to torture me with his tickling fingers he turns me over and pulls me back against his chest.

"Sweet dreams baby." I snuggle into him and before I can utter a response I fall into a blissful, sated sleep.

* * *

_Well that was a whopper of a chapter, over 10,000 words! Sorry it's taken so long, I was bored with the whole New York thing, I just couldn't find the will to write lol! Remind me to never send any of my characters on a three day vacation ever again!_

_Next Chapter: Coping Together event. _

_W/L  
-Susie, xo_


	78. Chapter 78: Coping Together Charity Ball

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

**_Quick authors note~_**_  
After reading some reviews I have realised that some of you are questioning __**Lacy's **__motives, I just want to assure you that __**Lacy **__has no ulterior motives at all she is there because she and Luke have been kept apart for ten long years and she nearly lost him for good, she is only there because she loves Luke with all her heart._

_I am writing a one-shot based on what happened between 23yr old Luke and 18yr old __**Lacy **__and Luke's parents. It will probably be in third person and I wanted to know what you think about the idea, would you be interested in this one-shot? It will be entitled 'Society Morals' Let me know what you all think XD_

_Oh, and just for the record, you guys have been asking about Christian doing a background check… Christian arranged the surprize for Ana, Luke asked if he could bring his girlfriend since they were moving in together in Seattle so of course, stalker extraordinaire has already done a background check and nothing is going to happen with __**Lacy**__, she's a genuine nice, good girl lol. You guys are really cynical lol—but I still love you all! xo_

* * *

"Mmm, you smell good this morning Mrs. Grey." Christian murmurs, wrapping one arm around my waist from behind whilst the other moves my wet hair out of the way and starts kissing my neck.

"Good morning Mr. Grey, sleep well?" I ask as grazes his teeth along my neck. I am just out of the shower because I know I won't have the time or energy to do so later, I don't know how I'd manage to get us all ready for the Coping Together event tonight without the help of Gail. It was hard coming out of the bubble we'd encased ourselves in whilst in New York.

"Come back to bed for a little bit Mrs Grey… I have a present for you!" He murmurs seductively, pushing his hips against my behind whilst snaking his arms up to peel my towel away. I wriggle my behind against him which earns me a low, throaty growl.

"Mr. Grey, are you aware that I have to get three children, myself and my husband ready for the most important social event on my mother-in-law's calendar?"

"I am aware, but surely you have enough time for a quick roll-in-the-hay with said husband, I'm sure he'll help by getting himself and his son ready." He nips at my earlobe and I melt into his embrace as my towel falls to the floor.

"I don't know why I even bother trying to resist because I've never really been successful." He chuckles and bites the wing of my shoulder which makes me hiss a breath through my clenched teeth."

"I wish you'd woken me up before you showered, we could have got dirty and clean all at the same time." I giggle at his statement but abruptly stop when his wandering fingers reach my core.

"Mmm, Christian—we need to hurry, Gracie will be strutting in here soon." He pushes his two middle fingers inside me, pressing his palm against my clitoris as he pumps in and out of me. I reach my hand behind me, palming his length causing him to groan loudly in my ear before resting his forehead against my shoulder. I turn in his hold, reaching up and sealing my mouth over his. We kiss hurriedly, with long languid strokes of our tongues; we break apart when we're gasping for breath. Christian cups my behind, giving both cheeks a firm squeeze.

"Up on the bed baby, on all fours." I giggle at his direct approach to this morning's love making.

"Whoever said romance was dead?"

"I think it was the woman who told me to hurry up before our energetic four year old shows up unknowingly screaming sexis-interruptsis!" I can't hold back my loud giggles as I crawl onto the bed on all fours with Christian closely behind. He takes my hips in his hands, running his erect length alone my core, gathering moisture which makes me moan loudly.

"Are you ready Mrs. Grey?" He asks in a quiet, husky whisper.

"Do you even have to ask Mr. Grey?" Without further warning he thrusts into me with abandon.

"Fuck, so wet baby! You feel fucking amazing Ana…" He groans as he starts a fast paced rhythm with me meeting him thrust for thrust. He moves his right hand from its place on my hip, to reach around and cup my heavy, aching breast. I groan as he cups it roughly, massaging and squeezing.

"Ahh… gently please, I'm really tender this morning!" He lightened his movement on my breast, opting for a more gentle approach massaging and stroking my nipple.

"Fuck, you're breasts are so full… I fucking love it when you're pregnant and your body is so… juicy—you set me on fire when you're pregnant because everything just feels so different under my hands, on my cock… shit!" He growls as he thrusts harder and faster, still cupping my breast with a light touch, he twists and pulls my nipple as he circles his hips slowly so that I feel him on every side!

"GOD! Christian… I'm so close, fuck, don't stop!" I moan, thrusting back harder than before.

"Fuck, Ana I know—you're twitching and quivering around me baby!" He lets go of my breast, leaving me feeling bereft of contact in that area but before I can register my protest I feel him circle my nub of pleasure with his fore and middle fingers. He moves faster and faster, my whole body alight and thrumming from his passionate touch.

"Come on baby, give it to me!" I hold back, moaning and mewling with the pleasure I don't want to stop. He growls and adjusts the pressure on my clitoris, quickening his movements. With the hand that's still holding my hip; he tilts me slightly so that he hits every fucking sweet spot I have within my core.

"Baby, come on—I need it Ana… give it up for me!" His words are my undoing as I crumble into an earth shattering orgasm with a loud cry to which Christian quickly follows.

"Fuck Yesssss Ana!" He continues thrusting, rubbing out every ounce of debilitating pleasure until my sensitive tissues can bear no more and he pulls out, lifting me and pulling me back to sit on his lap, my back to his front. I giggle as he kisses my neck and rubs my belly.

"Well someone is definitely awake now." He chuckles, feeling Mattie's strong movements inside me.

"Oh, I 'gotta go to the bathroom, he's just decided to kick my bladder!" I squeal, giggling whilst trying to get out of Christian's embrace.

"If you don't want me to pee on you I suggest helping me to my feet!" Christian chuckles and helps me up whilst I waddle to our bathroom.

"I think you'll remember that water play is a hard limit baby! Listen, I'm going to go wake up the kids and head downstairs with them for breakfast, what do you want to eat?" Christian shouts as I go into the bathroom.

"Pancakes, strawberries and whipped cream with bacon… oh and scrambled eggs with maple syrup drizzled over all of it"

"That sounds disgusting, I'll see you downstairs baby."

"'Kay." I say as I hear him leave the room. I know it's going to be a really long and tiring day. Thankfully we're staying at Grace and Carrick's tonight, Kate and Elliot will be there with Ava and Mia and Ethan will also be staying over with so the kids will have fun with their cousin. Plus Gail and Taylor will be there to watch the children once they go up to bed. I don't know what I'd do without them.

I grab a bag of Velcro rollers out of the closet and start sectioning my hair; once I'm done I wrap a silk scarf around my head and go downstairs to have breakfast with my family.

~o0o~

I have laid out Christian and Teddy's suits along with boxers, socks and shoes. Gracie and Olivia's outfits, socks and shoes are also laid out in one of the guest rooms and mines is in a garment bag hanging in the closet, no matter how much planning, preparation and delegation I do, I am always running around like a headless chicken trying to get myself ready. It's currently four o'clock and we have to be at Belleview for seven o'clock. I hope the kids are down for around nine thirty at the latest.

I head downstairs and into the family room where everyone is waiting for their instructions. It's like a freaking military operation trying to get everyone ready and in the car on time.

"Okay, so Teddy you can go upstairs to your own bathroom and get yourself into the shower since you don't need help."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Good boy Ted. Okay Gail, can you please bath Olivia, her dress, cardigan, frilly socks and shoes are laid out in her room if you could get her dressed."

"No problem Ana."

"I will be bathing and getting Gracie ready, then working on myself."

"So can I go shower now then baby?" Christian hopefully asks he hates the stress of us all trying to get ready for a big event because something always happens; someone has a tantrum or spills something on their outfit or mine which turns everything into a disaster with fraying tempers.

"Yes. Then you can help Teddy get into his suit and get into your own whilst Gail and I get the girls dressed. Then once you and Teddy are dressed and done, you two can take over with the girls and make sure none of you get dirty whilst I get ready. Also, I doubt I need to remind any of you but I will anyway. No eating or drinking anything that is sticky or can stain, I do not want a repeat of _that _gala." I fix Christian with my glare, making sure he knows not to give any of our children runny, drippy, sticky popsicles whilst waiting to go out anywhere. I was wearing a beautiful peach and white dress that cost thousands and when I came walking into the living room when Gracie launched herself at me and left me with two very bright hand prints on my dress, and her own was completely ruined.

"I have apologized for _that _gala a million times. It was a rookie mistake, she was crying so I gave her something to keep her occupied, I didn't know she'd make _that _much mess or be _that _hyper afterwards did I?" I glare at him again, raising my brow in question. He coughs to clear his throat as Teddy shakes his head at his father.

"I did try to tell him that it wasn't a good idea at the time mom but he wouldn't listen to me." I laugh at Christian's grimace, muttering about men sticking together and getting sold out by his son.

"So we're all sorted then with who's doing what?"

"I think so, provided Ted doesn't rat me out for anything else." He grumbles which makes Ted laugh. Jesus, I don't even want to think about getting four children ready and probably knocked up with the fifth.

_Oh hell no, this has to be the last—we'll never get our figure or our 'tightness' back after five!_

~o0o~

Gail and I have just finished getting the girls ready, they're sitting on the sofa in the family room with the instruction of 'do not move until we're ready to go' whether they actually listen remains to be seen, thankfully Gracie is playing on her Nintendo 3DS so she should be occupied for the time being and Gail has Olivia on her lap playing and talking with her. Christian and Teddy are getting ready and doing whatever men do whilst getting ready which is sit around a lot until it's absolutely necessary to get dressed.

I have to go upstairs to get dressed or I'm never going to be on time, Gail assures me that she'll be fine with the kids and they'll probably be kept cleaner than they would with Christian anyway. His motto has always been 'A sticky baby is a happy baby' which doesn't apply for social events as he found out the night of _that _gala.

My hair is sitting almost to the bottom of my ribcage, I really need to get it cut because once Matty is born I won't have the time or energy to keep it this long. I know that is going to be a fight with Christian, the longer my hair the better in his opinion. Although he isn't the one who has the pain and inconvenience of trying to brush cheerio's, maple syrup and milk out of it so it needs cut, but there's no point in bringing it up now.

I start with my make-up first since my hair is away from my face at the moment. I apply some lightly tinted moisturizer, then apply some bronzing powder in the E3 method, which is to start in the center of my forehead and move to the left and swoop in the shape of an 'E' which covers the forehead, cheekbone and jawline and repeat on the right side following the shape of a '3' to contour my face. I create a dark, dramatic smoky eye, with lashings of mascara and finish with my trademark nude, glossy lip. I go to my jewellery box and select my 'second chance' Cartier diamond drop earrings, a simple gold necklace with a diamond pendant that sits in the hollow of my throat along with the matching bracelet and leave them lying on my dressing table whilst I do my hair.

I remove my headscarf and start slowly unravelling the rollers from my hair, once I've taken them all out I tip my head upside down and start running my fingers through my hair to separate the curls. I flip my hair back and it falls into a middle parting. I gather my hair into a makeshift ponytail to the side and secure it with a clear hairband. I grab a handful of bobby pins and start to create a messy side bun, leaving some of my shorter layers curls out to frame my face.

I step into my dress and call for Gail to zip me up and tie my sash at the back, once the dress is on all that's left to do is slip into my heels and put on my jewellery. I leave my bedroom and get halfway along the corridor before I realise that I haven't got my clutch or worn any perfume.

_Baby brain is a bitch, unless you're just stupid, I'd go with the latter. _

I ignore the harpy bitch, when in reality I want to slit her throat. My inner goddess leaps at her and secures a ball-gag in her mouth before giving me the thumbs up.

I grab my Armani Elle perfume and squirt some on my neck, wrists and behind my ears. I go through my mental checklist making sure I haven't forgotten anything, once I'm satisfied I leave the room and make my way downstairs. Christian doesn't notice me right away, he's sitting on the sofa with Gracie on one knee and Olivia on the other talking to them, I strain my ears to hear what he's saying.

"Now remember Gracie, no dating until when?" She sighs and rolls her eyes and I have to stifle my laughter when Christian glares at her and she glares right back.

_Oh those two are going to really butt heads when she's older! I bet you two will argue with each other about Gracie and the subsequent make-up sex will be delicious. _My inner goddess offers, my subconscious is trying to grunt out some sort of snarky comment but she isn't understandable and right now I don't know who's more annoying.

"'Till I'm forty daddy." Christian grins and kisses her cheeks.

"Good girl. What do you do if any boys try and talk to you?"

"Scream and yell 'COOOTIES' but daddy, Jamie Spencer said he didn't have cooties?"

"Well, Jamie Spencer lied, because that's what boys do; remember that because it's sound advice. You know daddy wouldn't give you bad advice right?" He asks her, peering into the carbon-copy of his eyes.

"But you could be lying daddy, you said boys lie, you a boy"

"That rule doesn't apply to daddies." Christian says with conviction, even adding a little head nod at the end for reassurance, I have my hand clamped over my mouth to stop myself from bursting into laughter.

"How come?"

"It just doesn't."

"But why?"

"I don't know, I's just… it's like magic—just like if you go anywhere near a boy you'll catch his cooties and your hair will fall out."

"Wreeeealy daddy? But my hair didn't fall out when Jamie Spencer kissed me in the playhouse" Gracie deadpans then realises she's busted and her expression is adorable and funny.

"What?" Christian gapes at his eldest daughter and Gracie just freezes at her father's reaction.

"Uh-oh." Gracie whispers before trying to scramble off her father's lap and he won't let her, he just sits there looking at her with a blank look on his face, and is slowly turning purple. Woops, time to rescue my daughter and stop Christian from going thermo-nuclear; he'll probably demand a background check and a contract from Jamie Spencer's parents, stating that their son never goes near our daughter again, preferably signed in their own blood.

"Okay family are we ready to go?" I ask, giving Christian _the look_, the look that says file it away and pretend to be happy. Gracie manages to wriggle out of Christian's hold and comes running over to me and Christian doesn't move or respond, he just keeps staring at me, looking like my lost boy all over again.

_Oh Christian, you're baby girl has to grow up some day!_

"I think I broked daddy." She whispers to me which makes me giggle-snort.

"You didn't break him sweet cheeks, he's just a little shocked, isn't that right daddy?" I focus an even harder glare on him now, Gracie looks close to tears and Olivia is bouncing on his lap yelling daddeee, daddeee, daddeee.

"Uh, yeah. Gracie, no more kissing boys. Promise me?" He says as he crouches down in front of her.

"Okay daddy, I promise." She giggles when Christian swoops her back onto his lap and blows raspberries on her neck.

Teddy looks absolutely dashing, just like his father. He's wearing an Armani suit, looking every bit the part of Christian's mini-me.

"The bags are packed into the SUV, Gail and I are ready to go whenever you are sir." Taylor says with confidence, Christian nods at him, and stands up. He holds Olivia on his hip and took Gracie by the hand as Teddy follows alongside his father.

We pile into the SUV and head for Grey Manor. As usual the house is decorated with hundreds of lanterns up the entire driveway. We pull up and Christian exits the car to get Olivia out of her seat whilst I take Gracie's hand and help her out of the car. Teddy stands beside his sister and holds her hand, making sure she doesn't get herself into trouble or get dirty. She's wearing a gorgeous white dress with small pink flowers all over it, paired with frilly ankle socks and white Mary-Jane's. Olivia is wearing a beautiful white dress with layers and layers of ruffles. The dress is completely white except for a pink ribbon around the waist which tied into a bow at the back paired with frilly ankle socks and soft ballerina pumps that tie up with white ribbon. The girls both have white cardigans to keep them warm at the party.

Christian holds Olivia on his hip whilst Teddy walks holding Gracie's and hand I hook my arm through Christian's elbow. We walk along the dark green carpet that leads the path to the marquee around the side of the house on the vast lawn looking over the bay. As usual there are two photographers waiting, one for the newspaper and the other who takes photos for guests to buy as a memento of the event. Christian, the kids and I stand to get our photo taken then move on towards Grace and Carrick who are lined up welcoming guests.

"Ana darling, you look absolutely gorgeous, I love you're gown, who are you wearing?" She asks as she pulls me into her arms for a hug, well it's more of a touching of the arms because I'm like a whale.

"Thank-you Grace, you look wonderful too. My dress was designed for me by Carolyn Acton—she's been a godsend I don't know what I would have done if I relied on designer maternity lines." She laughs at me as she hugs Christian, and Carrick hugs me.

"You three look beautiful too, I love that Dress Gracie. Olivia looks just precious, don't you sweet-pea?" Grace gushes as she kisses Olivia's curls.

"Mmhm, me coot." Olivia say's with confidence, which makes us all laugh heartily.

"Oh my Teddy, you look just like your dad." Grace says to our son whilst cupping his cheeks. He does look dashing in his suit.

"I know, I know—I'm 'gonna be a heartbreaker." He grumbles looking very uncomfortable with the attention.

"I guess he doesn't do modest huh Christian?" Carrick jokes and Christian chuckles and shakes his head.

"We're going to go take our seats and let you welcome the rest of the guests; we'll see you at the table once you're done." Christian says as he shakes his father's hand.

"See you soon darling." Grace says as she kisses Ted's cheek which makes him grumble all the more whilst trying to wipe the lip gloss of his skin. It's rather amusing for Christian and I. It seems that we're the only people who he tolerates saying he's adorable or handsome, he just gets annoyed at everyone else.

We make our way to the Grey table but only after getting stopped at least eight times by people who want a piece of Christian's attention. When we finally arrive at our table Kate, Elliot and Ava are already in their seats.

"Steele plus one how're you?" Kate asks as she wraps me in a hug.

"I'm good Kavanagh, how're you?" Kate grins at me and I stare back bemused, it seems like she's bursting with excitement.

"I'm plus one too!" Oh my god.

"You're pregnant? Oh Kate… congratulations. How far along are you?" I gush; feeling a little teary eyed as I take my seat with Olivia on my lap and keep a hold of Kate's hand.

"I'm twelve weeks. I never thought it was going to happen Ana… I mean we've been trying for so long… do you remember what you told me that day us girls spent here with Grace, you told me to stop trying and it would happen?"

"Oh yeah, when Christian and I had our first argument after getting back together." She nods and gives me a beaming smile.

"Well at first I didn't really believe you, well it's not that I didn't believe you, just that I didn't want to stop trying and then a few months ago, maybe around four, I remembered what you said! I threw out all the charts and ovulation kits and decided it would happen if it happened. I kept taking folic acid though because it's supposed to help and I guess it worked because I am definitely pregnant."

"Do you know what you're having?" I ask with a massive grin on my face. She nods and giggles.

_Kate giggling, who knew that'd be possible?_

"A boy, we're having a son. Elliot is so excited. Have you guys come up with any names for your little guy yet?" She asks, taking a sip of her water.

"Yeah, his first name will be Matthew, Matty for short. Have you thought of any?" I ask just as Christian returns from the bar and places a tall glass of Soda water and lime before me with lots of crushed ice, just how I like it.

"No, not really. We both like the name Henry though!"

"Thank you baby." I say to Christian as he leans down for a kiss.

"I really like the name Henry, we just decided on Matthew for sure, whilst we were away in New York!"

"What are you drinking, please tell me that's a virgin mojito Ana!" I give her a_ have-you-met-my-husband _look and shake my head.

"It's my newest craving, soda water, with lime cordial and crushed ice. It's lovely and refreshing and just yummy, here try some." I pass the glass over to Kate and she takes a long sip.

"Oh that is absolutely delicious." She says in between taking another sip. "Especially now that I can't drink!"

"How come you can't drink?" Christian asks as he takes his seat.

"Kate can't drink because she's finally pregnant again; she and Elliot are having a boy too!" Christian grins and gets up, moving towards Kate.

"Congratulations Katherine." Christian says as he hugs her and kisses her cheek.

"Thanks Christian." Kate smiles, a real, genuine, Katherine Kavanagh smile.

He moves onto Elliot, giving him one of those man-hugs that's more about back slapping than actual hugging.

"Way to go Lelliot!" I hear him say to his older brother who grins at his little brother.

"I know little bro, I'm stoked to finally knock my wife up, to be honest I was getting worried about my little swimmers if you know what I'm saying."

"Too much information." Christian grumbles. Kate is yet to give me my drink back.

"Uh, would you like one of those Katherine?" Christian asks, chuckling when the slurping sound illustrate that the glass is now empty.

"Oh, my bad—I got a little carried away didn't I?" She laughs, shaking her head as Christian takes the now-empty glass from her outstretched hand. Christian and Elliot head to the bar, so that Elliot knows what to order in future trips.

Teddy, Gracie and Ava are laughing and joking around in the middle of the dance floor and we can't help but smile at them.

"Who would have thought that we'd marry brothers and be sitting here watching our kids play together on the first morning we met at the orientation morning of our college experience?" Kate asks, laughing at the way Ava is trying to twirl Gracie around, but she's just in her own little world doing as she pleases.

Grace and Carrick finally make it to the table; he pulls out Grace's chair and waits until she's seated before giving her a kiss on the cheek and heads over to the stage to give his welcome speech.

"I'd like to thank everyone for attending yet another gala for Coping Together." He pauses and claps, which the crowd follow. Once everyone's clapping has ceased he starts up again.

"I know you'll all dig deep into your pockets tonight to support the wonderful work that Coping Together does each and every year. As you are all aware by now, this is a charity that's close to the Grey family's heart; each and every penny that's donated will go directly to Coping Together. I hope you have a wonderful time and enjoy the evening we've put together." Everyone claps as he leaves the stage and makes his way back to the table.

~o0o~

"A dance Mrs Grey?" Christian holds his hand out to me; I smirk up at him and place my hand in his.

"I'd love to Mr Grey, I'm sure your daughters will want a piece of daddy's dancing time too."

"My first dance is yours Mrs. Grey… always." He murmurs as he pulls me to my feet and leads me out onto the floor. He wraps his arm around my waist and takes my hand, holding it in his own against his chest.

"Are you having fun baby?" I giggle up at him, and he briefly looks confused.

"I'm almost seven months pregnant Mr. Grey, nothing is fun anymore except a roll in the hay with your good self, you know that." He smirks down at me and kisses the tip of my nose.

"I know how good a roll in the hay is with you Mrs Grey! I'll take at least four a day for the rest of forever, how does that sound?" He asks, his voice a husky whisper in my ear, my whole body tingles in anticipation. We move across the entire floor, as always Christian makes me look graceful when we dance, we float across the floor flawlessly. When the bands rendition of 'It had to be you' finishes and we all clap before returning to our seats.

"Another soda and lime Mrs Grey?" Christian asks.

"Oh yes please" Kate and I both say in unison then burst into giggles.

"Christian, you didn't specify which Mrs Grey you were referring to!" Kate laughs and what's even more shocking is Christian laughs back and promises he'll bring us both one in a flash.

Gracie comes running over to me out of breath, she places her Nintendo on the table and climbs up onto my lap snuggling into me. Kate is holding Olivia who is on the edge of falling asleep, softly swaying from side to side. I'm very glad that Kate's been able to get pregnant again; I know how much they both want this baby.

"You tired baby girl?" I ask Gracie, pressing my lips to her forehead as her breathing slows.

"Uh-huh, I'm sleepy. I'm glad I didn't broked daddy tonight momma." She mumbles, her little eyes fighting to stay open.

"How come she thought that she 'broked' Christian?" Kate asks, using Gracie's pronunciation with air quotes included and I giggle at the memory.

"Oh, I came downstairs once I was ready and Christian was sitting on the sofa with Gracie and Olivia on his lap, he was asking her when she was allowed to date and what she was supposed to do if a boy tried to speak to her. So, Gracie's sitting on his lap and she basically said that Jamie Spencer said he didn't have cooties so Christian told her that he was lying because that's what boys do and Grace being truly my double said to her daddy 'you could be lying, you're a boy'. Christian said that daddies couldn't lie and she kept asking why and he kept answering because and finally he said 'by magic, stay away from boys or you'll get cooties and your hair will fall out'" I can't stop giggling enough to tell Kate what Gracie did, it's just so funny because what she said was the least thing he ever expected. I take a few deep breaths and try to calm my laughter.

"So, Gracie turned around and said 'really daddy? Because Jamie Spencer kissed me in the playhouse and my hair didn't fall out!'" Kate erupts into hoots of laughter, shaking her head and I join in.

"She sort of realised she shouldn't have told him that and kind of whispered 'uh-oh' and tried to get off his lap whilst he stared at her and slowly turned purple. Obviously I went to her rescue and she said 'Mommy, I think I broked daddy.' It was the cutest thing."

"She's going to be worse than I ever was!" Kate giggles.

"Please don't say that Kate, you gave me my first grey hair during freshman year!" I whine and pout, burying my nose in her bronze and golden curls.

"Ana, she's had her first kiss at four, that Jamie Spencer must have some wooing skills already!"

"That doesn't count as her first kiss, that was them playing house or whatever! Jamie is actually a pretty cute and sweet little boy; I've met with his mother at the park when he and Gracie had a play date, pending Christian's security checks of course."

"Don't even mention that little punk in my presence Ana. I have half a mind to contact his parents!" Christian grumbles as he places the drinks in front of Kate and I.

"Calm down Christian, they're just kids!"

"Elliot, she wants me to calm down when the little snot is trying to corrupt my daughter!" Christian says to his brother and his brother looks to his wife.

"I'm with whatever she said, I do not want to have another ban!" Elliot motions to Kate who smirks at Christian.

"Another ban?" Christian frowns at Elliot and I try to stifle my laughter enough to whisper in his ear.

"Sex ban baby, whenever Elliot does something to displease his… mistress he gets a sex ban!" This causes Christian to almost choke on his laughter.

"Really, what happened to 'I am the man of the house and I wear the trousers, Kate only thinks she's in charge' is that not what you said like ten minutes ago?" Christian snorts and Elliot pales as Kate focuses her glare on her husband.

"Yeah thanks for that Bro!"

"No problem Elliot!"

"Christian, Gracie and Olivia are asleep—let's go get Ted and Ava and put them all to bed. Are Gail and Jason up in their room?" I ask, passing Gracie to her father. She instinctively wakes up and anchors her arms around her daddy's neck snuggling into him as he kisses her hair.

"Kate are you okay sitting with her whilst we grab the other two?" Christian asks Kate as he helps me to my feet.

"Yeah sure." Kate says as Elliot leans down to kiss his niece who is sound asleep in Kate's arms.

"This time next year we'll have another baby, I can't wait kitty-kat!" Elliot says to Kate before pressing his lips to her forehead.

We find Ted and Ava sitting at an empty table playing with their Nintendo 3DS's with Sawyer standing close by to make sure they were safe.

"Come on you two it's time for bed." Christian say's as we reach them.

"Aww dad can't we stay up a little longer?" Ted pleads and I shake my head. The party is now in full swing and the guests are reaching their 'tipsy' faze and I don't want our children getting hurt by someone falling over. I know I am being a tad over protective but I can't help it.

"No sweetheart, it's time for bed." I say as he slowly gets up with a sigh.

"You said I'd get to stay up longer once I was ten and I'm ten now!" Teddy moans as he drags his heels behind is with protest.

"How about this, you both go upstairs and get ready for bed and you can either watch a DVD together or play with your DS's for an hour?" I say to Ted and Ava who nod excitedly. They're really close even though Ted is two years older than Ava. I suppose it's because they've been brought up together there's also the fact that Kate and I are best friends and I suppose that should count for something.

Christian and I head back to the table to find Kate and Elliot sitting together snuggling with each other whilst holding our daughter. Ava runs up to her parents, kissing and hugging them goodnight before leaning down and kissing her baby cousin.

"Go upstairs with Aunt Ana and Uncle Christian sweetie, we'll see you in the morning okay… night, we love you." Kate says as she gives her daughter a one armed hug and kisses her forehead before passing her off to Elliot to do the same.

"Do you want Elliot to take Olivia upstairs Ana?" Kate asks

"That would be great; I'll go up with them though." Elliot takes Olivia, holding her small body along the length of his arm and takes Ava's hand with the other.

Christian is holding Gracie close to his chest, resting his forearm beneath bottom and places his free hand on the small of my back as we leave the tent. Once we're outside Teddy and Ava decide to race each other to the house and take of running and laughing with each other.

"Be careful you two!" I say as they run past me and shake my head as I doubt they even heard me. It's good to see them having so fun though.

"Are you okay baby, having a good time?" He asks, stroking his hand in circles on my back which feels amazing because this baby is really front heavy. Usually they say it'll be a girl if you're more front heavy but we know that we're having a boy, well 80% sure.

_Christian, aka sex god husband is waiting for an answer Ana; you don't want him to make you wait for an orgasm!_

"Yeah, I'm having a great time although would it be alright if we head to bed after the fireworks, it's just I'm really tired?" I ask and Christian chuckles.

"Sure baby, you don't have to ask my permission you know!" He says with a smirk and I shake my head giggling.

"Do I 'wana know what you're doing to make your wife giggle like that bro?"

"Fuck off Elliot!" Christian says to his older brother and I slap his arm!

"What was that for?" Christian asks harshly!

"Your colorful language in front of children!"

"Ana, they're asleep and the other two are too far away to have heard anything!" Christian grumbles.

"They can hear subconsciously, do you really want your children to swear Christian?" Elliot offers, smirking at his little brother and Christian scowls back mimicking and mocking him all at the same time.

"Jeez, you two are worse than the children!" I giggle. We make it into the house and head straight upstairs.

"Ava sweetie, come with me and I'll get your PJ's then you can go watch a movie or play your DS for an hour then its bed."

"Okay aunt Ana."

"Goodnight daddy!" She runs towards her dad and wraps her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek to his stomach.

"Goodnight princess, mommy and I will see you in the morning okay. Be good for Gail and Jason"

"I will daddy, I promise. I love you."

"I love you too."

Ava comes and takes my hand as we grab her PJ's and wash bag. I sit on the bed as she brushes her teeth and puts her moisturizer on, she's truly Kate's mini-me in every way possible and Gracie wants to be just like her big cousin.

"You ready sweetie?" I ask as she comes skipping into the bedroom in her cute Tinkerbelle pyjamas.

"Yup, did Teddy say what he wanted to do?" She asks, looking at her DS or the pile of DVD's in her bag.

"I don't think so honey, why don't you pick a few movies and take your DS then let Ted pick which one you want to watch?" I say whilst running a brush through her hair. She has Elliot's clear blue eyes and Kate's strawberry blonde hair; she's truly beautiful in every way.

I take her hand and we head into the den, the sofa beds are pulled out and made up for them to sleep in and Ted is already settled into his with his dad perched on the edge talking to him.

"Ted, Ava's picked out some movies so do you want to pick which one you guys will watch?" I say as I lean over and kiss his forehead and Ava hands over the four movies she brought from her parents room.

"Um, do you want to watch Are We There Yet Ava, can we play with our 3DS' while we watch the movie dad?" Ava nods to Ted's movie choice and Ted looks towards Christian with a hopeful, cheeky grin.

"Sure buddy!" Christian says, ruffling Ted's copper locks. Ava gets into her sofa bed and I pull the duvet over her, tucking her in.

"Good night sweetie, I love you." I say as push her hair away from her face and kiss her forehead

"Night Aunt Ana, Night Uncle Christian." Ava say's with a yawn which makes us all yawn with her.

"Goodnight Ava, we'll see you in the morning okay sweetheart." Christian says as he gives Ava a kiss on her hair.

"Goodnight Ted, I love you." I give Ted a kiss and hug before turning off the main light, leaving the lamp which is quite dim. I doubt they'll be awake for much longer.

"Remember, lights out in an hour okay. GG will be in to turn off the movie. We'll see you both in the morning." I say as Christian and I leave the room hand in hand. I knock on Gail and Jason's room for the night and Christian hands over the baby monitors for Gracie and Olivia. She's going to check on Ted and Ava in an hour and turn everything off.

"Go have a good night Ana; the kids will be fine with us." Gail reassures me with a smile and a hug then goes back into her room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

We eventually make it back to our table having been stopped at least eight times on the way by people wanting to talk to my husband, throwing themselves at him just for a few minutes of his time and attention.

_That's why we're lucky because we get the best kind of his attention! _ My inner goddess purrs, giving me the thumbs up and a cheeky wink.

Christian sits me at the table and goes up to the bar with Elliot for another round of drinks whilst Kate and I chat about our kids and the newest additions to our ever expanding family.

"So, what made Christian take you to New York then?" Kate asks, her eyebrows waggling suggestively.

"Well, he knew I needed a break—away from the kids, from Seattle, from what happened. The night I got out of the hospital when we went home Christian and I had sex, and that was the last time we'd been intimate until the first night we spent in New York." Kate's mouth pops open as she gapes at me in shock.

"Once I got into therapy and started the treatment for PTSD, I felt better and all those urges came back tenfold. It was so hard to keep my hands off him and wait until we were away to…you know and it was well worth the wait. We went for dinner the first night and when we came home we reconnected… a lot!" I giggle as does Kate, a look of sadness passes over her features but I ignore it, I'm fine now and I'm over it.

"The second day we went shopping in the morning and got three shopping carts filled with toys for the kids, speaking of which there is a big bag of stuff for Ava at our house, maybe you could come over next week or something?"

"We'll come over and have lunch or dinner if that's alright?" Kate says with a smile, I really have missed my best friend over the last three months.

"Yeah that'd be great; Ted and Grace will look forward to getting to spend more time with Ava. I've missed you Kate." I say softly, looking into her eyes trying to convey my sincerity. She gets up and wraps me up in a hug.

"I missed you too Ana, I'm just glad you're okay now!" I can hear the thick emotion in her voice and I feel myself start to tear up.

"I really am Kate, I'm better I promise. You want to know something shocking?" I ask, smirking at her as she sits back down and I know she won't be able to resist.

"About whom?" Kate asks, narrowing her eyes.

"Me!" I giggle.

"Okay, I'm waiting Steele… remember it takes a lot to shock me!"

"Kavanagh, I shocked you like three minutes ago when I told you I'd gone three months without sex! Anyway… on our last day, we'd been in the pool and had sex in the water and no, that's not the shocking part… anyway Christian and I were upstairs and we were getting intimate and I shocked him by talking dirty, and when I say dirty I mean filthy. I don't think I've seen my husband ever look so shocked. Afterwards he accused me of trying to kill him and that I'd drained him which had never happened to him before… ever!"

"You go Steele! I didn't think you had it in you!" Kate squeals, clapping her hands excitedly. "What made you decide to try dirty talk?" She asks smirking at me the whole time, I'm glad the lights are down low in here because I feel my face heating up.

"Well, I was over at your place and you had an old copy of Cosmo on the table so I started flicking through it and found a '20 tips' article on talking dirty so I tore the page out and kept it—apparently I'm a natural!" I wink and Kate giggles even more!

"What are you two giggling about now?" Elliot asks as he and Christian sit down.

"About our dear virginal Ana shocking the shit out of me and Christian!"

"KATE!" I shout in dismay, what the hell is she thinking?

"Ahh, does this have anything to do with the dirty talk?" Elliot asks waggling his brows at me; I gape at Elliot then turn to Christian who's focusing his glare on his older brother.

"Don't glare at me bro; you started it when you told Kate what I said earlier! Ana, your wonderful husband told me how awesome you are at explicit conversations!" He winks and I slap Christian's thigh, hard!

"OW! Fuck Ana that hurt like shit, Elliot you fucker!" Christian grumbles at Elliot who bursts out laughing, it's not long before Kate, Christian and I join in.

"I'm sorry for slapping you…" I murmur in his ear as my hand rubs the spot I struck, slowly moving to his inner thigh then higher and higher until I reach my destination. I cup him and rub softly, feeling him grow under my hand as he groans. He turns his face towards me and kisses my lips sweetly, leaning towards me until his lips are at my ear.

"Fuck, baby that feels so good." He breathes as he hardens even further. "Mmm, but if you don't stop I'm going to lift you into my arms and run up to the house to fuck you senseless and everyone will see my substantial erection on the way." I giggle as he nuzzles my neck and bites my earlobe making me gasp as a flash burn warms my core. I give him one last rub and squeeze before leaving my hand resting on his inner thigh just above his knee.

"I love you." Christian says into my ear, his warm breath raising goose bumps across my skin.

"I love you too!" I whisper back, kissing the tip of his nose. He eventually pulls away just as Grace takes a seat beside me.

"Hello darling, I've hardly gotten the chance to speak with you tonight. How are you?" She kisses my cheek and squeezes my hand that's resting on the table; the other is still placed possessively on her sons' inner thigh.

"I'm great Grace; the trip to New York was exactly what we needed." I smile thinking back to our wonderful trip, "We left New York so much closer than when we arrived." Grace smiles at me and bumps my shoulder with hers.

"Good, I'm glad. If anyone deserves happiness Ana, it's you and Christian." She says with sincerity.

"Thanks Grace." I smile back at her just as Matty kicks me rather sharply. I move my hand from Christian's thigh to rub the spot he kicked.

"Are you alright Ana?" Grace asks frowning at me.

"Oh, yeah I'm fine… it's just he kicked me a little too hard that's all. He's really active, do you want to feel?" I ask and grace places her hand in mine as I guide it to the spot where Matthew is currently auditioning for the lead role in stomp, placing my hand over the top of hers and hold it there. For a few seconds there's no movement but then all of a sudden another strong kick lands right where Grace's hand is lying.

"He's an active one; it feels like he's always doing water ballet!" I giggle and Grace joins in.

"You're right, he is really active… have you thought of any names yet?" She asks, softly rubbing her hand over my bump but Christian answers before I can get a word out.

"Mom, we'll tell you but don't say anything about his middle name to anyone because we want it to be a surprize when he's born. His full name will be 'Matthew Carrick Grey'." Grace gives both of us a beaming smile of utter joy and happiness.

"Oh your father will be absolutely thrilled, thank you both." Grace says, her voice thick with unshed tears, Christian gets up and pulls her into a big hug. "No thanks needed mom, you and dad have given me the world, you saved me and for that you deserve to have your names included in our children's." Christian says, holding onto Grace tightly. She pulls back and Christian discreetly wipes away her tears then kisses her cheek with a smile. Grace bends down to give me a hug, instead of me trying to get up because we'd be here all night.

"Thank you Ana, you gave me the son I always knew Christian could be. I love you darling girl." I feel my eyes water but I repeat my mantra: _I must not cry, I must not cry, I must not cry._ Just as she pulls away the master of ceremonies announces that the fireworks are about to start and to head outside. Christian, Elliot, Kate, Ethan, Mia, Grace, Carrick and I stand together to watch the show.

The fireworks shoot up into the sky and explode in loud bursts, coloring the inky night sky with bright vibrant shades. They shoot off in synchronization to the classical music, my stomach fluttering in excitement causing me to shiver.

"Are you cold baby?" Christian asks, holding me closer and I shake my head.

"No, I just love fireworks!" I giggle and Christian laughs in my ear. The show lasts for around twenty minutes, ranging from pinwheels to giant rockets shooting into the sky, round after round and bang after bang which make the crowed gasp in shock, oohing and ahh-ing with excitement and childish abandon. I don't know why or how but each time I attend this event, the firework display always shocks me and each time I bet that next year they won't be able to top it because it can't get any better, and each year I'm glad to be proved wrong!

As always, the grand finale is magical and exciting. Six massive rockets launch simultaneously into the night sky, exploding in a range of vibrant, magical colors just as five fountains of colorful sparks shoot up from the pontoon out in the water. As always they light the message 'Thank you from Coping Together' the crowed erupt into applause once the last spark dies out. The master of ceremonies calls for attention to reveal the grand total of the amount of money raised from tonight's event. I know Grace and Carrick try to always top the previous year's amount raised and I hope we've all managed to make that happen for the people whom the charity help most.

"Ladies and gentleman, I only have one note to add at the end of this wonderful night. I am pleased to announce the grand total you have raised has exceeded last year's total by a massive amount!" The excitement mounts as we wait in expectation "You have raised two million, six hundred and eighty-four thousand dollars!" The crowed erupt into applause again, whooping and whistling in merriment.

"Ready to go up to bed baby?" Christian asks, his breath warming my ear as he bites the lobe.

"So ready Mr. Grey!" I wink at him as he smirks back and tucks his arm around my waist.

_I don't know how he can even find it!_ I guess the she-bitch has been un-gagged!

"Are you guys calling it a night?" Kate asks, she looks really tired and as I know the first four or so months of pregnancy is extremely draining.

"Yeah, we're going to say goodnight to the family then head up to bed." I reply as she leans her head on my shoulder as I hug her to me with one arm.

"Tired Kavanagh?" I ask with a giggle.

"Exhausted, pretty boy Grey kept me up late last night!" She smirks and winks at me.

"I really didn't need to know that Kate!" Christian grimaces and shakes his head as if to rid himself of some visual image.

"Sorry, we'll come with you to say goodnight since we're going up to bed too!" Elliot looks at Kate with a hopeful smirk and she shakes her head! "Down boy, we're going to bed to sleep!" Kate adds which causes Christian to burst into laughter, whilst Elliot mutters to himself.

We catch up with Grace and Carrick as their saying goodbye to some of the guests who are taking their leave now.

"Mom, Dad… we just came to say goodnight, we're all heading up to bed now."

"Okay, darlings… we'll see you for breakfast." Grace say's to Christian as hugs her, we all exchange hugs and handshakes before going to find Mia and Ethan. The DJ has already started his set so our first port of call is the dance floor, where we find them kissing and indecently groping each other as they dance. Even though Mia is nearly 32 and married, Christian and Elliot still scowl whenever they see Ethan touching her in any way that could be deemed 'sexual'. Kate looks to me and bursts out laughing and I can't help but join in.

"You both need to remember that your sister is married and has been for six years so you must know that she has sex regularly!" Before Kate could even utter the word 'sex' Christian and Elliot put their fingers in their ears and shout 'Lalalala not listening.'

"Real mature!" I shout once they remove their fingers from their ears. I go out onto the dance floor and tap Mia on the shoulder; I must have startled her as she spins around with her hand clutching her heart.

"Jesus Ana, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry, we were just coming to say goodnight, we're heading up to bed so we'll see you at breakfast tomorrow." Mia and Ethan come over to where I left Kate, Elliot and Christian as we exchange goodnights and I-love-you's before leaving the marquee and heading up to the house. Once we get upstairs we have to be quiet so that we don't wake up the kids. Gail and Jason said they don't mind keeping an eye on them during the night so we don't have to go get the monitors. We whisper goodnight to Kate and Elliot before retiring to Christian's childhood bedroom.

"Now the real party begins Mrs. Grey." He murmurs a seductive edge to his warm voice. He stands behind me, pulling the hairpins out of my hair and leaves them on the nightstand, running his fingers through my hair as he massages my scalp, making me moan because it feels so damn good.

"Sit on the edge of the bed baby, I'll be right back." He murmurs, pecking my lips once I've sat down. He goes into the en-suite and quickly returns with my make-up removing wipes. He gently takes off my make-up, and then applies my moisturizer. I often wonder at moments like these how I deserve to have such a wonderful husband? He always takes such good care of me, doing things that seem silly and insignificant to others, but to me… they mean the world.

"All done." He whispers before throwing the used wipes in the wastepaper basket.

"Thank you baby, you take such good care of me." I say as he leans down for a kiss. When he pulls away he holds out his hand and I lay mine in his. He pulls me up and stands behind me, gathering my hair in his hand and laying it to one side. He kisses and nibbles my neck softly as he unzips my dress, pushing it over my shoulders allowing it to pool at my feet. He helps me step out, then picks my dress up and lays it over the chair in the corner of the room. He quickly takes off his tux jacket, undoing his bowtie and placing those onto the chair too. He proffers me his wrists to remove his cufflinks and places them on the nightstand beside my hair pins and saunters over to me.

"Sexy lingerie Mrs. Grey, you know how to please your husband." I giggle softly as he kisses the wing of my shoulder before playfully biting down as his hands grip my hips, crushing my lips against his, our teeth briefly clashing due to the intensity of my attack.

"Fuck, your breasts are just perfect!" He groans as he fondles and caresses them with his fingers, lips and tongue. "I could play with them all day, every day and never get bored and I cannot wait to get to taste your breast milk again!" He grins salaciously.

"God, Christian you're so kinky!" I shake my head and smirk.

"You say that like you don't know already, we both know that's not true don't we baby?" He leans down and grips my bra cup with his teeth, pulling it down to free my breast whilst pushing it up at the same time. He runs his nose around my nipple as it pebbles with desire for him and his mouth. He repeats the process on my other breast before cupping them both with his massive hands, softly massaging and kneading them. He wraps one arm around my waist and starts to walk backwards until the bed hits the back of his legs. He kisses me passionately as I pull his shirt out of his pants and hurriedly undo the buttons, I push it over his shoulders and it falls to the floor. I move my kisses along his jaw as my fingers caress his bare chest.

_Fuck he's sexy, so fucking delicious!_

"Mrs. Grey, fuck you are so beautiful and sexy. I've been hard for you all day; I've wanted to bury myself inside you all fucking night! I'm throbbing for you baby, feel?" His arms snake around my waist, with his hands firmly attached to my behind as he thrusts his hips towards me.

"I want you, so much. I hate being out in public with you because I have to control myself and you know that I have zero self-restraint when it comes to you baby." He smirks before kissing my fiercely, his tongue running along the length of mine, they twist and turn in unison. I moan into his mouth, my blood singing in my veins. He pulls back and rests his forehead against my own whilst we gasp for breath.

"Now, we have to be quiet baby… I don't want Elliot or anyone else for that matter listening to my wife when I make her come hard!" He circles his hips, rubbing his hardened length against all the right spots.

"Mmm, Christian." I moan against his lips, then move my kisses along his jawline and down onto his neck. "I'm so wet for you baby, so very wet!" I admit truthfully "Feel?" I rest my forehead against his; we look deeply into each other's eyes as I take his hand and guide it to my soaking panties which causes him to hiss through his clenched teeth.

"Jesus Ana, you're fucking dripping wet for me baby!" I leave his hand where it is and make a start on removing his pants. I unbuckle his belt, and then undo his fly. I kiss him soundly as I push both his pants and boxers down his legs in one swift movement which allows his rock solid length to spring free. I settle my eyes on it and lick my lips salaciously.

"Hmm, I should have had dessert Mr. Grey, you were right… I have gotten rather hungry." I say whilst fluttering my lashes at him suggestively and his mouth settles into a perfect 'o' shape.

"Well, maybe I can help you with that Mrs. Grey; I have a little something you could nibble on." He winks, then looks down to his fully erect length. I slowly drop to my knees, taking a hold of the root in my hand and lay a kiss on the tip, capturing the bead of pre-come waiting on me.

"Yummy!" Without further warning I envelop him into my mouth, sheathing my teeth and sucking on his steel encased velvet. His hands slide into my hair as he guides my movements, breathing heavily.

"Fuck yeah, you suck me so good baby, you know just what I want and like!" I pull him out of my mouth, laying my tongue flat against the underside, fluttering it as I go, I swirl around the tip then pull him back into my warm mouth, sucking hard all the way to the back of my throat, balls deep.

"Jesus Ana… fuck baby!" He groans as his thrusts get faster and harder.

"I'm so close baby, so fucking close!" I swirl my tongue around the tip sucking even harder than before, fondling his balls with my free hand. His thighs start to tense and I know he's really close, I move him right to the back of my throat and on the return trip back to the tip I bare my teeth. He thrusts back into my mouth as he releases his salty seed in thick streams down the back of my throat. He rubs out the rest of his orgasm until he shudders and shakes. I lightly lick him clean, because he's sensitive from the earth shattering release he's just had.

He pulls me up into his waiting arms as he kicks his pants off his ankles. He pulls down the duvet and sits down on the edge of the bed, pulling me onto his lap, face to face with my bent knees straddling his thighs.

"Did you enjoy that baby?" I ask after I kiss him deeply, allowing him to taste himself on my tongue.

"Fuck, did I enjoy it?" He bites his lower lip and moans low in his chest "Mmm, it was so fucking spectacular that I seen stars!" He threads his fingers into my hair, his thumbs caressing my cheeks as he kisses me with such passion and reverence, he takes my breath away.

"I love you baby, so much!" He moves his arms around my waist whilst he kisses my neck, unhooking my bra and pulling the straps down my arms and tossing it to the side.

"I hope you're not too attached to these?" He whispers against my lips as he pushes his thumbs through the fine lace of my panties, peeling the scraps of lace from my sex.

"You have a pantie ripping fetish don't you?" I giggle against his mouth.

"Not until I met you baby, I just can't seem to wait for the split second it would take to remove them normally, and it's far too much to ask, in my opinion!" My hands are fisting in his hair, pulling and tugging at it as he kisses me deeply, moving down my chin and along my jaw.

"Mmm, Christian!" I moan as he pulls my nipple into his warm mouth, swirling his tongue around the hardened peak before nibbling and pulling it with his teeth as his fingers work the other. Jolts of pleasure travel to my groin making me inpatient and needy.

"Christian… please?" I moan, he lets go of my nipple with a loud pop, kissing his way up my throat to my swollen lips.

"What is it baby?" He whispers against my mouth, tugging at my lower lip with his teeth.

"You, always you." I whimper, feeling warmth radiate through my core.

"Then you'll have me; lift that sexy ass up Mrs Grey!" Christian says with a smirk, his hands reaching around to cup my behind, stroking it softly. I lift myself up off his lap using my quads whilst Christian positions himself at my entrance.

"Lower yourself onto me baby." He whispers, and I do so, slowly inch by inch until he's completely enveloped within me. He buries his face into my neck with a gasp.

"You feel so good Ana, so fucking amazing!" He moans against my skin, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses along my neck and shoulder. He holds onto my hips and together, we begin to move a lazy, gentle rhythm. He captures my lips with his own and kisses me soundly and deeply.

"Oh god…" I groan as I throw my head back, lifting and rocking my hips, grinding down on his length.

"Fuck, I'll never stop being shocked at how wet and warm you are. Baby… shit… Ana you feel so good!" He grunts, wrapping one arm around my lower back, his hand placed on the small of my back and with the other, he cups the back of my neck holding me as he leaves wet kisses across the column of my throat, moving to the wing of my shoulder. I push up and sink down over and over until our movements become frenzied and frantic. Gasps and groans of the best torture fill the otherwise silent room.

"Christian, don't stop please… right th-" He guides my mouth to his as he silences me with his lips and tongue. I feel our bodies slip and slide together, slick from sweat. I pull back from Christian's hungry kiss and move my lips along his sexy jawline and down onto his neck, I keep moving, kissing, licking and sucking his delicious skin. I feel his thumb press against my clitoris and I almost cry out but stop myself by biting down on the wing of his shoulder earning me a tortured groan of pure pleasure.

"Fuck baby, bite me… bite me hard Ana!" I rotate my hips in a slow circle as I grind down, and lift myself up as he cups my behind, squeezing and kneading my soft cheeks. I bite down on the ball of his shoulder, moving back towards his neck, grazing my teeth along the skin there.

"Oh Ana… I'm so fucking close baby!" He grunts out, pulling back from my assault on his neck, he leans down and takes my nipple in his mouth, sucking and twirling his tongue around and around before softly nibbling on the pebbled nub.

"I love you Christian, you feel so good… don't stop, I'm almost there!" He thrusts up in counter to my movements, still working my nipple with his tongue, he kisses up the valley of my breasts, rising until his tongue licks across the seam of my lips and I open up and allow him inside. His movements become quicker, and harder, we're both frenzied for each other and almost to the point of falling over the edge when he reaches down and presses his thumb against my throbbing clitoris and rubs in quick circles.

"Come for me baby!" I feel my orgasm rush over my body, wave after torturous wave, crest after crest, my moans and whimpers completely absorbed by his mouth. He thrusts into me three more times before he stills and comes violently, shuddering beneath me.

"Fuck!" He whispers, his face set in a silent 'Ahh' as we ride out our mutual release. My head falls forward to rest on his shoulder as his warm hands stroke my back.

"I love you so much baby, so fucking much it hurts."

"I love you too Christian, you complete me in every which way." I whisper as I cup his face in my hands, laying a small peck on his swollen lips.

"How about a nice bubble bath to relax our tired muscles before bed Mrs. Grey?" He smirks, lifting me off him and setting me on the bed.

"Hmm, that sounds wonderful Mr. Grey." I watch his naked form strut into the bathroom, then the sound of running water fill the silence. I am almost tempted to curl up and go to sleep but I force myself to stay awake.

"Ready baby?" He asks, taking my hand in his own and pulls me up from the bed. He kisses my lips softly as he takes me into the bathroom, the warm fragrant scent of jasmine assaults my senses making me relax instantly. He helps me into the water and gets in behind me, stretching out his legs as I sit between them, my back to his front.

"How is our Matthew this evening?" He asks snaking his arms around my waist and softly gathers water in his cupped hands, pouring it over my bump which is soothing and relaxing me almost to the point of falling asleep.

"He's dancing, feel?" I take his hands and press them to my bulging belly so he can feel our son moving around. He moves my hair to one side of my neck, leaving me soft kisses as his hands wash and caress every inch of my skin.

After our bath I throw on one of Christian's t-shirts and gets into a pair of pyjama pants before slipping between the sheets. I turn onto my side and Christian pulls me back to his chest, nuzzling my neck with his leg in between mine and his hand resting on my bump.

"Goodnight baby, I love you." Christian says in a soft murmur against my neck.

"I love you too Christian, so much. Goodnight, sweet dreams." I snuggle down, pushing my body against his as I fall into a blissful sleep filled with thoughts of him and our children.

* * *

_A/N: Well, that was the coping together charity gala. It's actually quite hard to write about, especially trying not to rewrite ELJ's gala in FSD. _

_Next chapter will probably be Master Mattie's birth, or a cute filler or something like that. We're almost at the end of our journey insertsadface! I estimate around 5 chapters, I don't want it to end but sadly as the old saying goes; 'all good things must come to an end, or they become bad.' (Well, I added 'or they become bad' to the original saying. I'm babbling now. _

_Remember my winning formula: R + R + F +F = my happiness!  
(Read, review, follow, favourite!)_


	79. Chapter 79: Oh Boy!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

"Momma? Momma wake uuuuup." I hear my eldest daughter groan impatiently whilst bouncing up and down on my bed on her knees.

"What? Gracie, what is it sweetie?" My voice still thick with sleep as I try to struggle to make my eyes open, even just fractionally but ultimately give up after a few failed attempts.

"Daddy said I was to wake you up. He makin' breakfast for everybody and he sent me to wake you up, so you gotta get up momma!" I pull her to me, slipping her small body under the covers and bury my nose in her hair. If Christian is attempting to cook, it's going to be awful. I hope Gail is helping him.

"Cuddle with me for a bit then I'll get up okay?" I say, planting a blind kiss on what I hope was her forehead.

"Otay, but not for long." I have to stifle my giggle, she's so adorable, and thankfully I have managed to convince my eyelids to co-operate with me.

"So who's all joining us for this breakfast daddies making?" I ask as I push her waist long locks away from her face. She's still in her PJ's so it must still be quite early.

"Everybody momma, so there's me, Teddy, Liv, Granma, Poppa Carrick, Uncle Lelliot, Aunt Kate, Ava, Aunt Mimi, Uncle Eefan, my GG, Uncle Jason, Uncle Lukey, Lacy, and I can't remember who else, everyone's downstairs but you momma, so you gotta get up now… peeees?" She gives me a true Gracie Grey pout.

"Alright, so is everyone dressed or are they all in their PJ's too?" I ask, tickling her sides as she wriggles in my arms.

"No momma, no, mommmaaa stop it, no… pees stop!" She squeals and giggles trying to get out of my arms and away from my tickling fingers.

"Um, I wanted have pyjama day momma, GG said I has to get dressed but daddy said it was otay. It is otay momma, right?" It's strange, Grace is perfectly capable of pronouncing her words properly but sometimes she reverts back to how she used to talk but we don't know why.

"Well, I suppose I better get up and dressed then huh?"

"Yay!" Grace wriggles out of my hold, and jumps from the bed running towards the door but stops suddenly and turns around to look up at me as I struggle to sit up.

"You need daddy to help you up momma?" She asks with a frown and I can't hold back my giggle.

"Yes sweetie, can you shout for someone to help me out of bed?" You'd think I was an invalid but I seriously cannot get up without assistance. I have never been one of those women who have massive bumps, mines were always small and petite but this time I am rather huge in the front rather than having a big butt and hips like I had in all my other pregnancies. Gracie giggles and runs from the room screaming.

"SOMEONE HAS TO HELP MOMMA OUT OF BED!" Followed by a chorus of laughter.

"Phoebe Grace, I could have shouted if I wanted to, I meant for you to go downstairs and ask someone nicely to come and help mommy."

"Oh… well, we'll get it right next time bud." Gracie adds with a nod. I have to stifle my laughter because she's just so damn cute. A few moments later Grace comes into the room.

"Hello darling, do you need some help getting up?" She chuckles as she walks into the room.

"Yes, please that would be wonderful. I have never been overdue Grace and it's really starting to get to me now." She chuckles as she pulls me to my feet.

"How're you feeling, besides fed up?" She asks, chuckling at my expression.

"Ugh, I just want him out already. If I was to summarize my feelings at this point the word I would use is… uncomfortable."

"Matthew will arrive when he's ready and not a moment sooner." She says as she rubs my bump. "Do you need any help getting dressed?"

"I'll be fine getting dressed; I just have problems getting up when I'm lying down. Oh, and bending but apart from those two things I'm otherwise fine." I say with a giggle.

"Well Gracie and I will head back downstairs and keep a check on Christian whilst you get yourself dressed." She gives me a hug before taking Gracie's hand and leaving the room. I turn on the shower and get in, letting warm water carry away all of my stress and impatience.

Eventually I turn the water off and head into the closet to find something to wear. I eventually settle on a pair of grey sweatpants, a white t-shirt and finally a chunky purple cardigan.

_Like anything besides sweats fits you at this point._

I ignore my subconscious religiously, continuing my morning routine. I brush out my hair, leaving it down in my natural soft waves; just how Christian likes it, and apply my moisturizer to my face and neck. I lift my t-shirt and apply two drops of bio-oil to my bump, continuing to keep the stretch marks at bay. I have been extremely lucky in that I never really get many stretch marks anyway.

I go downstairs and walk into the kitchen; everyone is either sitting at the table or breakfast bar drinking coffee or juice, talking and enjoying the company of family. It's at times like these that I find myself moved to the point of tears, Christian has always had a good and loving family, he just refused to let them in until he met me.

"Good morning sunshine!" Elliot says with a grin giving me a strong hug.

"Elliot, can't breathe!" I squeak out and he pulls back slightly, narrowing his eyes as he looks intently at my face.

"Nothing?" He asks, raising his brow.

"Nothing, what?" I ask completely confused.

"Oh, well I thought that if I squeezed you, you'd pop that baby out and we'd have a really awesome story of how you went into labor…" A deathly hush falls over the room and Christian gives me a sad smile. I know that everyone is remembering how I happened to go into labor with Olivia.

_Damn it Elliot!_

Elliot eventually notices the silence and I see the recognition in his eyes when he works out what he said to cause the discomfort. I give Elliot a reassuring smile and hug him once more before going over to greet my husband.

"Good morning Mr. Grey." I say as I wrap my arms around him from behind, placing a kiss between his shoulder blades, feeling the ridged tension in his muscles.

"Good morning baby, how's my son this morning?" His voice still slightly pained, I don't think he'll ever truly let go the guilt that he carries around from having the affair with… _Allyson._

"I'm good dad, thanks for asking." Teddy pipes up and chuckles to himself, and just like that, the tension surrounding the room is broken.

~o0o~

Christian helps me sit at the table, placing a glass of fresh orange juice in front of me then serves me my plate. I'd be completely lying if I said I wasn't apprehensive, no wait… terrified, about eating something that he's cooked, even more terrified of giving that same something to my children.

"Remember baby, if it tastes foul you don't have to eat it and I won't be upset okay." He says with an earnest expression and places the plate of pancakes, bacon and eggs in front of me, with a side plate of fresh fruit. The food doesn't _look _ bad, it actually looks appetizing.

I'm pleasantly surprized when I take a bite and find that it's just as delicious as it looks. He breathes a sigh of relief and instructs everyone else to help themselves.

We're all eating our food and talking about everything and anything when Mia and Ethan hold each other's hands and look to us all.

"Well… mom, daddy and everyone else, we want you all to be the first to know our exciting news. We're pregnant, we're finally having a baby."

"My baby girl is having a baby?" Grace says through her tears and Mia giggles, nodding excitedly.

"Yeah mom, I am." Grace gets up and takes her daughter in her arms, kissing her cheeks with one hand placed flat against her stomach.

"When did you find out, how far along are you sweet girl?" Grace asks excitedly.

"We found out last month, we're thirteen weeks. I would have told you all sooner but I was terrified, after what happened the last time… I just didn't want to jinx anything." Ethan kisses Mia's forehead, wiping a few tears from under her eyes. I can see that she and Ethan are revisiting the memories that are flooding the minds of everyone at the table. I'll never forget that day as long as I live…

_Teddy was three years old and we were over at Grey manor having dinner when Mia and Ethan announced that they were pregnant, she'd found out that same week. She was so excited, they both were. She was only seven weeks along, making all sorts of plans, thinking of names that go with Kavanagh; which is no easy feat. Our family was devastated when she miscarried just three weeks later. She was a wreck for months; a shadow of the woman I always knew her to be, bubbly and vivacious. Ethan was just as withdrawn, barely speaking to anyone—both lost in the sea of torrid grief for their unborn child. _

"Congratulations Mia, you're going to be a wonderful mother." Christian says, holding onto both Mia and Grace.

I have tears rolling down my face and Gracie comes across to me and pulls herself onto my lap.

"Why are you crying momma, are you sad?" She asks, kissing my cheek.

"No button, I'm not sad—these are happy tears because, Aunt Kate and Aunt Mimi are having babies too, just like momma. You'll have two new cousins to love soon." She anchors her arms around my neck and hugs me tightly as I play with her long curls.

"I can't believe that we're all pregnant together." Mia giggles, grabbing onto my hand and giving it a squeeze, then reaches out and takes Kate's in her free hand.

"I know, it's so exciting." Kate beams, squeezing Mia's hand.

"I mean, I know we won't be having our babies at the same time since you can go into labor at any moment Ana, and Kate, you're six months already—but they'll be super close in age." She adds with a squeal and frantic clapping of her hands. You wouldn't think she's almost thirty-one.

"So have you found out what you're having yet?" I ask Mia, smiling because I doubt she'd be able to wait that long to find out.

"Nope, we want to be surprized when he or she is born, right babe?" She leans over and squeezes her husband's knee.

"Yeah honey, at first I was dying to find out but, it'll be all the more exciting when the baby's born."

"I get it, I just never in a million years thought that little Mia Grey-Kavanagh would have the patience to wait that long to find out." Christian chuckles and Mia pokes her tongue out at him which makes us all laugh.

"Oh my goodness, have you realised this time next year Carrick and I will be grandparents to seven children." Grace says excitedly, shaking her head with a beaming smile. She takes my hand and gives it a squeeze, pressing her lips to Gracie's hair.

"Before Christian met you Ana, Carry and I had long given up hope of him giving us a grandchild. You've given us so much as a family Ana, you brought Christian out of the dark shell he'd encased himself in and given our family four beautiful miracles. If it wasn't for you, none of my children would have found their soulmates. Kate found Elliot and Mia found Ethan all because of you darling."

"Grace, I'd given up hope that I'd ever truly be happy and in love with anyone, until I met your son. He owned me from the moment our eyes met, and he will until I take my last breath." I feel moisture gather in my eyes and I try to discretely blink them away without being noticed.

"Baby, why are you crying?" Christian asks as he crouches beside me, cupping my cheek in his hand as his thumb wipes away my tears.

"I'm just happy, they're happy tears Christian." He smiles at me and gently kisses my lips, stroking my bump in slow circles before pressing a soft kiss against my swollen belly.

~o0o~

After we finished breakfast and cleared up, we decide to head into the family room with the kids. Grace and Carrick are sitting on the floor playing with Gracie and Olivia whilst Ted and Ava play with their DS's and watch Madagascar simultaneously. With Kate, Elliot, Mia and Ethan all watch the movie with rapt concentration I'm left lying on the soft, overstuffed sofa, tuning into the movie that has everyone, especially Elliot hooting with laughter. Christian takes my swollen feet into his lap, rubbing and massaging them; which makes me moan and groan in delight.

"Does that feel good baby?" He asks, looking deeply into my eyes as his thumbs knead the ball of my foot, subtly erasing the tension and discomfort I've been feeling lately.

"Are you feeling alright darling, you look kind of pale?" Grace questions, giving me a look filled with care, worry and love in her eyes. She gets up and places her cool palm against my forehead, such a motherly action which makes me smile.

"You don't have a fever anyway, do you feel alright sweetheart?" She asks as she perches on the edge of the sofa I'm lying on.

"I'm fine Grace, just a little tired and uncomfortable. I just want him out already!" I whine, resting my head against the back of the sofa and closing my eyes with a frustrated sigh.

"Well, you only have to wait another seven days before the hospital will induce your labor so hang in there, we all know you're strong enough Ana." She says with a smile, laying her hand atop of mine whilst I offer her a weak, tired smile.

After sitting for another twenty minutes I decide to stretch my legs then have a nap—hoping that may draw me out of my foul mood.

"Baby, where are you going?" Christian asks, holding onto me when I try to get up unassisted.

"I just need to stretch my legs, and then I'm planning on heading up to bed to have a nap." I add with a yawn.

"I hope you guys won't mind but I'm really tired and I was going to go upstairs for a little nap if you don't mind?"

"Of course, go upstairs and get some rest; you won't be getting any for a while when Matthew makes his grand entrance." Grace laughs, giving me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Do you want me to help you upstairs?" He asks, brushing my hair away from my face; which still needs cut, and I've yet to suggest this to Christian.

"No, I'll be fine. Just stay with the kids and the family. Wake me in an hour Christian, please?" He smirks and gives me a nod, leaning up to kiss the tip of my nose. I head upstairs, stopping outside Matthew's nursery. I open the door and walk in, completely satisfied with how the room looks and how it feels whenever I'm in here. I may not like that predator bitch, but Gia obviously knows her shit when it comes to interior design. Truthfully, she hasn't made any attempt to flirt with Christian since our first altercation when Christian and I returned from our three week honeymoon. I sigh wistfully, looking all around the quaint space that my baby will call his own, whenever he decides to make his grand entrance.

The walls were divided by a wooden rail that runs around the center of each four walls. The bottom half painted a warm caramel and the top half painted brilliant white. His white crib sat against the wall where an overhead canopy was attached and falls over both ends of his crib. On the wall, just below where the canopy was attached was a phrase that tugged at my heart, painted in a beautifully elegant script; just looking at it made me tear up.

'_Angels danced the day you were born'_

The furniture in the room was aged and distressed white/cream wood, scuffed with gold leaf—shabby chic as Gia described when she first went over the overall feel of our son's nursery.

His crib is very big, almost the size of a single bed, with rails that collapsed on both sides. He wouldn't be able to sleep in it for a while since he'd be too small, so we'll have to use the bassinette until he's bigger, which will be in our bedroom for the first few weeks anyway, I always feel better when they're in the room with me, especially when we just get out of hospital.

I walk over to the crib, arranging and rearranging the soft covers, pillows and stuffed animals that decorate the space where he'll lie, night after night. I rub my stomach longingly.

"Matthew, mommy wants to meet you so bad… hurry up baby boy, we're waiting not-so-patiently for your arrival." I coo, rubbing the spot where either his feet or fist connected with the inside of my stomach. I sigh as I head into our bedroom, going straight into the closet and pulling out the bags of clothes and toys we bought for Matthew whilst we were in New York.

I put them down and begin to pull his vests out of their drawer and refold them, first by long vs short sleeves, then by color and finally by size. I add in the packs of vests we'd bought on our trip and add them to the drawer. Once I was done with that, I moved onto onsies, removing them, refolding and arranging them as I'd done with the vests.

I pulled out a few pairs of jeans that we bought, size 3-6 months, feeling the soft fabric against my fingers as I folded them and added them to the drawer. I giggled as I pulled out the dress Armani pants, with the white shirt to match, along with little baby shoes; the outfit was size 0-3 months and I can't wait to see it on him. I wonder if he'll be a Christian clone like Ted or if he'll look like me?

I shake that thought and pull out the plastic storage box that's situated underneath the crib. I pull out the soft blankets from the box, bringing them to my nose and inhaling deeply. The amount of stuff he has and he's not even born yet is astonishing.

"You're such a spoiled little boy Matty, we love you so much and we can't wait to meet you…" I say to my bump as I arranging all of his blankets, and new blankets into the large box. Once I'm done I slide it back under the crib and pull myself up off my knees. I move over to the large, overstuffed glider that's positioned beside the bay window, overlooking the grounds of our estate.

I rub my belly as I watch out the window, feeling so much peace and tranquillity over take me, I love the feeling that being here always brings me.

I grab a pile of soft, plush toys and arrange them at the bottom of his crib, along with the scatter cushions and when I cannot fit any more I put the rest on the shelving unit that's attached to the wall.

"Baby, I thought you were going for a nap, I was just coming to wake you—are you still tired? You can go lie down just now if you want, no-one would mind Ana…" He murmurs against my forehead.

"I just wanted to come in here and make sure everything's ready for when he arrives. I get anxious when I don't double and triple check everything. Christian, could you go get my labor bag. I want to make sure I have everything packed that I'll need for me and Matty when we're at the hospital." I say against his strong, muscular chest.

_Oh my!_

"Sure baby, I'll go get it—I'll be back in a second to help you okay?"

"'Kay." I say whilst looking over all the creams and baby products, diapers, bubble bath, wet wipes. A few moments later, Christian strides into the room carrying a medium side holdall. We go through the bag, item by item, making sure everything is in there before he zips it back up and returns it to our closet to wait until I go into labor.

"Give me a kiss baby; I haven't felt those soft lips moving with mine in what feels like forever." He says against my neck, his hot breath sending goose bumps all over my skin. He tilts my chin up with two fingers, slowly moving his lips to my own but pausing just before they reach me.

"I love you so much Ana Grey…" He says before sealing his lips over mine and I get swept away by the sensations rushing through my body.

"Come baby, we need to go back downstairs, they'll be wondering where I am." Christian says as he tightens his grip, holding me to his chest; my favourite place in the world. Nothing and no-one could separate us even if they tried their hardest.

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom for a minute; I'll get you downstairs okay?" I say, kissing his lips once, twice and thrice.

"Mmm, I don't want to go back downstairs. I want to rip your clothes off and bury myself so deep inside you. Fuck, you're so sexy." When he eventually pulls back from me and shakes his head with a smile.

"I'll get you downstairs Mrs. Grey… don't keep me waiting too long; I'm not a patient man after all!" He murmurs with a grin, his hair just freshly fucked and so, so soft to touch. He kisses me once more before winking at me over his shoulder then saunters out of the room, leaving me with an ever pressing ache to feel him inside me.

* * *

I'm torn, on one hand I knew our family are downstairs waiting on us, I knew we should wait until they'd left but I just needed to hold her close, to feel her soft, warm body in my arms.

"I'll get you downstairs Mrs. Grey… don't keep me waiting too long; I'm not a patient man after all!" I say with a smirk, grinning openly with amusement dancing in my heart, body and soul. I peck her one last time and turn to leave the room, as I get to the door I look over my shoulder and give her a cheeky wink before heading downstairs.

"Is she alright darling?" My mom asks, sitting with Olivia fast asleep in her lap.

"Yeah, she was in the nursery—apparently she got distracted on the way for her nap." I say with a chuckle.

"Where's momma? Is she up yet, want me to go wake her up daddy?" Gracie asks, breathless from wherever she's run from.

"She's already awake sweetie, she'll be down in a second." I hold out my arms as she launches herself at me, tickling her sides when she lands in my lap.

"What have you been up to? Are you having fun with Ava?" I ask, kissing her forehead, eyes and cheeks.

"Yup, I'm having fun—look, Ava put pingtails in my hair… do you like 'em daddy?" I can't help my chuckle, but nod quickly when her face falls.

"I think you mean pig tails, and their very pretty, just like you." I add with a kiss to her nose.

"Well, I'm just passin' through for a drink, and then I'm going back to the den to play."

"Are you hungry princess? Do you want a snack?"

"Nope, I'm good." She wriggles off my lap and takes off towards the kitchen.

"She's going to give me grey hairs before I'm forty, I can just tell." I groan at my mother who chuckles at me. Ana comes breezing into the living room, one hand placed on the small of her back, with her other hand cradling her belly.

"Are you all alright, does anyone need anything?" Always the wonderful hostess, I wonder how the hell I got so lucky to have her as my wife, she's over nine months pregnant and still taking care of our guests when she should be the one getting taken care of; which I plan to rectify immediately. I rise to my feet, walking over to her and take both her hands in my own, pulling her towards the sofa.

"Ana, come sit down—you shouldn't be moving around so much, you should be resting. I need you safe, both of you." I say against her forehead, rubbing her belly at the same time.

"Christian… I'm fine, I feel better when I'm moving around anyway, it's more comfortable than sitting or lying down all day, so please stop worrying about me okay." She kisses my lips, smiling as she pulls away.

"Kate, Mia—do you want something to drink? I have tons of soda water and lime, and heaps of crushed ice?"

"Oh you can count me in! I woke up the other night at like 2 AM, totally craving a tall glass of the icey goodness but we'd run out of the lime cordial so I woke Elliot and made him drive over to the 24hr market to buy some. He said I'm going to turn into a lime or the baby will be born green." She adds with a giggle.

"That sounds disgusting, isn't it senior citizens who drink that stuff?" She wrinkles her nose but Kate grabs a hold of her hand pulling her towards the kitchen.

"Seriously Mia, you've got to try these. Ana introduced me to the wonders of lime at the coping together benefit and we've been having a secret love affair ever since."

I grab a bag of ice chips from the deep freeze and blitz them in the blender, I scoop the ice into the jug, add a generous dash of lime to the jug and top it up with sparkling soda water, giving the icey mixture a good stir. I pour us each a glass and garnish with a slice of fresh lime.

"Taste it Mia… seriously you'll love it!" Kate says as she thrusts the glass into Mia's hand. She raises it to her mouth, sniffing the drink slightly before taking a hesitant sip.

"Oh. My. Freaking. GOD! That's amazing; can you imagine what it'd taste like with a generous splash of Malibu or Bacardi in the mix?"

"Well, if you added Bacardi and some fresh mint then you'd have yourself a mojito babe." Kate laughs, nudging Mia with her elbow.

"True!" Mia giggles back.

"Are you coming back through Ana?" Kate asks as they make to leave the kitchen.

"I'll be there in a second, I just have a few things I need to do in here then I'll join you guys in the family room."

I open the cupboard under the sink and decide that I have to clean the shelves. I don't know why but I have this compelling force driving me to clean. I pull out all the detergents, cleaning supplies, rinsing out a cloth and wiping the shelves. I'm humming away to myself when I hear a throat clearing behind me and I slowly turn around to find everyone, minus my mother-in-law staring at me with amused expressions.

"Baby… what the hell are you doing?" Christian asks, looking irritated.

"Well darling husband, it's called cleaning." I say with a smirk.

"I know that Ana, what I meant to ask is _why _the fuck are you cleaning?" I'm sure glad the children are still in the den.

"Uh… I didn't know I had to have a specific reason for wanting to clean my own damn house Christian!" I hiss, somewhere in my hormone addled brain I realise we shouldn't be arguing like this, over nothing, in front of everyone.

"Anastasia, I pay Gail to do this shit, not you!" He drags his hands through his hair as we both glare at each other.

"Christian…" I say in warning, I am so close to freaking the fuck out and throwing something—preferably heavy—at him.

"You haven't answered me Ana, why the hell are you down on the ground cleaning?" I feel anger bubbling from the soles of my feet, like I'm going to erupt at him in any given second.

"Because I felt like it okay?! I just felt like cleaning, I'm sorry I didn't realise it was the crime of the freaking century to clean!" I growl at him.

"Son, maybe we should just leave Ana to it, she's obviously perfectly happy with what she's doing." Carrick adds, ever the mediator.

_Yeah, listen to your father Grey!_

"But I don't get it, I pay people so that she doesn't have to deal with this… I'm just trying to make life easier for her but she's being stubborn and pig headed and won't let me!" He throws his hands up in the air before letting them fall limply by his sides.

"Christian… she's nesting!" Grace comes walking into the kitchen, standing in front of him with her hands resting on her hips. Christian pales slightly; Grace's shit list isn't a place anyone wants to be.

"She's what?" Wait… I'm what? I'm cleaning?!

"She's nesting darling, when women are close to delivering they start to clean, arrange and rearrange then do it all over again the next day. It's natural, that's why she's been hell bent on cleaning all day."

"Well how the hell was I supposed to know that?" Christian mutters sullenly, shuffling his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably.

"Jeez Christian, it doesn't take a genius to work out that you _never _argue with a pregnant woman! No. Matter. What!" Elliot chimes in, uttering each word staccato for added impact. Just as I'm about to tell them to chill out I feel a shooting pain ripple across my lower back as my family bicker between themselves completely oblivious to what's going on behind them.

"Oh crap." I whisper, biting down on my lip to stop myself from crying out.

"Did I ask for your opinion Elliot, no I didn't. Focus on your own pregnant wife and mind your own business."

"Boy's stop fighting, right now! This isn't helping Ana—" Grace says as I stand there waiting on the pain from my very sudden contraction passing. Just as she turns around I feel a sharp tugging sensation that makes me cry out, clutching my belly before warm liquid gushes down my legs.

"Oh boy." I say, looking to the wary gaze of my crazy, but totally adorable family.

"Baby… is that? Did your…? Ana?" Christian whispers, his eyes wide and a grin tugging at the corners of his sculpted mouth. I nod slowly as he reaches for me. He takes my face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks to catch my falling tears.

"Just breathe; Ana we're having our baby tonight?" He smiles that breath-taking, pantie-busting smile that makes me tingle all over to the point that I forget my own name.

"Yeah, I guess we are." I add, sniffling and breathless from the pain. It'll all be worth it though.

_Yeah you say that now, give or take a few hours and you'll be screaming curse words that would make a foul-mouthed sailor blush bright crimson._

"I'm excited!" He adds with a grin.

"Me too." I whisper, kissing him soundly on the lips, forgetting that our entire family are in the room and the fact that I'm saturated in amniotic fluid.

_How romantic, not to mention… sanitary._ My subconscious tsk's before shoving her nose back into her tattered copy of Jane Eyre, like nothing important is going on right now.

"Come, let's get you upstairs and changed and we'll time the wait between contractions." He says, taking control of the situation, which for once, I'm glad for.

"Okay." I murmur against his lips, resting my forehead against his.

"I love you Mrs. Grey, so much. I'm sorry for yelling at you about cleaning."

"I love you too Mr. Grey, and it's okay—I would have let you yell at me last week if I thought it'd incite this reaction." I giggle as he takes my hand; wrapping his other arm around my lower back he guides me out of the room... even though I'm in pain, I can't wait to meet our son.

* * *

_Well, that's Ana gone into labor._

_I hope you like the chapter; it's still long but nowhere near the previous two. Please leave me reviews—they make me smile and motivate me. I cut out nearly four thousand words from this chapter so you can expect another one soon. What do you guys think Ana will be like in labor with Christian by her side? What will he be like, caring and affectionate or master of the universe in control Christian… let me know your thoughts on Christian during a painful, drug-free labor, especially when Allyson was screaming like a bitch the entire time?_

_With lots of love & the odd lemon…  
-Susie, xo_


	80. Chapter 80: Labor of love

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

Christian helps me upstairs and quickly grabs me a clean pair of sweats, panties and a t-shirt, helping me get cleaned up and presentable. Once I'm changed he sits on the bed, with me in between his legs, his arms wrapped around me as we wait for my next contraction.

"Baby… I'm scared. I can't bear to see and hear you in pain." He whispers, kissing my hair whilst he rubs my belly in circular motions.

"I know, I don't like it too much either but it's worth it." It hurts like shit but I just want him in my arms already.

"Are you sure you don't want to opt for an elective caesarean?" He asks with a slightly hopeful lilt to his voice.

"I'm positive; I don't want a caesarean Christian. I can't describe what it feels like when I pushed Gracie out, and Olivia—I guess I just felt closer to them than I did with Teddy because I brought them into the world with a lot of pain and effort. With Ted, it was over in seconds once I let them take me into surgery, plus there's all the added pain with having a caesarean. Plus we decided on our birthing plan months ago, remember… we agreed to a natural, med free labor, sweetheart at least once he's out all the pain will disappear." I whisper, snuggling back into him as he slips his hand under my shirt, rubbing his warm, large hands over the bare skin of my bump which feels wonderful.

We're chatting to each other softly when someone knocks at the door.

"Come in…" Christian says, still with his hands under my shirt, it's not as if he's doing anything remotely sexual at all.

"I just wanted to check on you darling, how're you feeling?" She asks, leaning down to kiss my forehead, giving my bump a quick rub. I feel like a freaking Buddha when I'm pregnant, with all the tummy rubbing that accompanies being with child.

"I feel fine since I'm in the very early stages—all I have is a nagging pain in my lower back in between the mild contractions." I smile at Grace as she beams back at me, wrapping her arms around Christian's shoulders and kissing his hair.

"Ana, you're so strong. Most women come into the hospital as soon as their water breaks and then start screaming for drugs. Whereas you are perfectly calm and quiet, happily going through it the way nature intended. We're all proud of you darling." She kisses my forehead and cups my cheek with a tender smile.

"Remember if either of you need anything just call for me. I think we're all going to stay here so we're together whenever you need to go to the hospital, I think Mia and Ethan are opting to stay with the kids, I think she's slightly terrified of childbirth already." She says with a giggle and shakes her head.

"We're just downstairs, and everyone's so excited." Grace kisses Christian's cheek before leaving the room.

We talk for a little while, Christian intermittently kissing my hair and stroking his long fingers up and down my arms, tracing patterns on my belly. I'm just falling asleep when another ripple passes across my back, I groan, trying to breathe through the pain.

"Just breathe baby—I've got you, its ok!" His warm honeyed voice soothes and calms me better than any amount of medication. "Your contractions are coming every forty minutes, so we have a while to go yet sweetheart.

"I love you Christian."

"I love you too Ana, so much."

After a few hours my contractions started picking up, getting more and more intense with each pass yet I still haven't cried out in pain. Christian grabs his blackberry to call Dr. Green.

"Hello, it's Christian Grey calling on behalf of Anastasia Grey—thank you I'll hold." He says into the phone whilst he paces along the length of our bedroom.

"Hi Dr. Green... Ana has gone into labor"… "Yes her waters have broken, and the contractions are currently 32 minutes apart."… "Okay, yes I'll do that, thank you Dr. Green; we'll see you at the hospital in a little while." He hangs up the phone and strides across to the bed, taking my hands in his.

"I spoke with Dr. Green, I've to take you into hospital when you're contractions are approximately 10-15 minutes apart and until then, you've to do whatever feels comfortable." He moves my hair to one side and leaves a lingering kiss under my ear which causes my breath to catch in my throat.

"So what do you want to do, what will make you more comfortable baby… I hate seeing you hurting and in pain, it's even worse when I know there's not a damn thing I can do to take your pain away." His eyes are shining with sadness and surrounded in helplessness.

"Christian, I'm fine. I have done this before you know. I'm looking forward to holding him in my arms and feeling that connection when I nurse him. I just want him so badly right now and all this waiting is killing me!" He chuckles in the crook of my neck, his warm breath dancing along the sensitive skin there.

"You haven't answered me yet, what will make you fe—" I screw my eyes up tight as I tense my body, sharp pains shooting around my back which moves towards my stomach. This is by far the worst contraction I've had so far.

"Ana, you have to breathe. Breathe with me baby, slowly in and out, that's it sweet girl, nice and slow." I slow my breaths to match his slow, lazy rhythm.

"Can you run me a warm bath; it'll ease the pain in my back." I ask, kissing his lips as he strokes my belly.

"I'll go fill the tub now. I'll just be in the bathroom, yell if you need me."

"Okay, I will." He turns on his heel and strides into our en-suite, a few moments later the sounds of rushing water fill the room, calming me once more.

"Baby, that's your bath ready, do you need me to carry you, or can you walk?" He asks, worry evident in his features, the strong flex of muscle twitching at his jaw.

"I can walk; just stay close to me though, okay?"

"Sure baby." He helps me to my feet, leading me into the bathroom. Once I've stripped each layer of clothing I disappear into the soft bubbles. I lean back, resting my head on the back of the bath as I try to ignore the dull ache at the base of my spine.

"Are you having a contraction?" He asks, running his fingers through my hair.

"No, it's just my back is really sore." I answer him quietly.

"Lean forward baby." Huh?

"Why?" I ask with a frown.

"I'm going to rub your back; I want you to be comfortable throughout this process." I lean forward as Christian curls is hand into a fist and places it in the small of my back, increasing the pressure as I grunt and groan.

"Oh that feels good." I say with a loud moan. I'm lost in the sensations he's creating when I feel another contraction hit.

"Christian… it hurts. How far apart are they now?" I ask, my voice wavering because of her pain.

"Around twenty minutes baby." Just at that, someone knocks on the bedroom door and Christian yells for them to enter the room.

"How're things going?" I hear Grace ask, he stands at the threshold of the bathroom talking to Grace whilst I rest in the tub. The waters beginning to get a little cold but I don't want to get out. The water seems to relieve some of the pain.

"She's alright, tired and in pain but otherwise she's fine. Dr. Green told me to do whatever feels comfortable until her contractions are around 10-15 minutes apart and they're currently twenty minutes apart. I'm just about to call out to Grace when a strong, deep contraction tightens around my stomach and back.

Fuck this hurts, why the hell do I keep forgetting how painful childbirth actually is? I try to breathe through it and not call out but it's an impossible task.

"Christian… god this hurts!" I whisper, clutching my belly, screwing my eyes closed tightly as I feel the pressure building. Christian comes across to the tub and I squeeze his hand to death.

"Breathe Ana; in and out slowly… that's it, good girl!" He kisses my forehead, using his closed fist to apply pressure to my lower back. The contraction finally passes and I exhale deeply.

"You're so brave and strong Ana, I'm so proud of you, most women are screaming like banshee's by this point but you…" He shakes his head incredulously "You just get on with it, no tears or screaming at all. Our babies are so lucky to have you as their mother." I feel my eyes starting to water as his sweet, comforting words sink in.

"Yeah you say that now… just wait until the last stage of labor; I'll wake half of Seattle with my screams." He chuckles and places a kiss below my ear, softly nipping at the lobe "Baby, I think Seattle already knows how... _loud _your screams can be." He finishes with a cheeky wink, and a smirk tugging at his sculpted lips.

"Don't make me all hot and bothered, I'm officially on the bench for six weeks." I say with a pout which makes Christian laugh even more. "How far apart are the contractions now?" I ask, hoping and praying that it's time to go to the hospital, I need drugs.

_No you don't, you delivered both Grace and Olivia completely drug free, and you'll deliver Matty the same way, so suck it up—you can do this, women have done it for centuries and will continue doing so. _

"Uhh… sixteen minutes, I think it's safe to say that we're leaving for the hospital now." He helps me out of the bath and wraps a soft towel around me, wrapping his arm around my back and using his other hand to hold my own whilst he guides me back to the bedroom.

Christian helps me dress and just as he pulls the t-shirt over my head, Kate pops her head around the door.

"How you doin' mama?" Kate says with a smile, striding into the room—well, waddling is probably the correct terminology to use.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking Katherine?" Christian growls, fixing his intense glare onto my best friend.

"Christian…" She says slowly and sweetly, as if talking to a particularly dense child "She doesn't have anything that I haven't seen before, plus we've even made out a few times, well… more than a few, all the way to third base!" She smirks and Christian looks stunned and completely dumbstruck with his mouth forming a perfect 'o'.

"Y-you… wh… you're telling me that you've been together? Touching each other, together?"

"Christian, she's yanking your chain and if you're both quite finished I'd like to get to the hospital which is where they house a multitude of drugs!" I seethe my voice indignant and strained as I fix my glare on both of them. I know my hormones and pain level is causing me to act out but I can't help it, this shit hurts and it's not an appropriate time to piss my husband off.

"Sorry Ana, I shouldn't be messing with him whilst you're in labor. I'm guessing you're ready to go to the hospital?" She asks, smiling at me.

"Yeah, I guess we are." I murmur, rubbing my bump whilst Christian grabs the baby bag and my small overnight holdall.

"Let's go baby, are you ready to meet our son?" He says with a grin, leaning down and placing a gentle kiss to my lips then down to kiss our son, through me.

We head downstairs and everyone is sitting in the family room talking excitedly, probably about the impending arrival of the latest Grey.

"We're ready to go to the hospital, who wants to come with?"

"I'm definitely coming." Grace says, with Olivia sitting on her lap, playing with one of her dollies.

"We'll stay with the kids." Mia offers, holding Ethan's hand "Looks like we're in need of some practise anyway—plus if I go and watch or hear Ana giving birth, it'll scar me for life and I'll be terrified to go through it myself." She says with a grimace followed by a heavy shudder. I couldn't help but giggle at her expression.

"Definitely a med filled labor for you m'dear!" Grace says to Mia, kissing her forehead as she slips her coat on.

"We're coming too Ana!" Carrick says, motioning between himself, Kate and Elliot.

"Car's out front sir." Luke announces as he walks into the family room. Gracie and Ted come running into the room.

"Where are you guys going?" Gracie asks, frowning slightly.

"Yeah, can we come with you?" Ted gives us a hopeful, pleading pout which is soon followed with his sisters.

"Come here you two, listen. Mommy is going to the hospital to have your little brother, and once he's born Aunt Mimi will bring you guys to meet him okay?"

"Kay, I'll give Mashoo my special cuggles wen I come see him, and you Momma, you get special cuggles too, and Daddy!" She can't pronounce Matthew but it's completely adorable the way she says his name.

"I know you will button, come give Momma a big love bug cuggle before we leave." Gracie wraps her arms around my hips and looks up at me, giving me kissy sounds and since I can't reach down they'll just have to do.

"Be a good boy Tedster, do what Aunt Mia and Uncle Ethan tell you, and we'll see you soon. I love you son" Christian says as he ruffles Ted's hair and gives him a hug. I feel my eyes well up for no other reason than that I adore my family.

"Come, we have to get you to the hospital."

"Good luck Ana, we'll come in as soon as the painful part is over." Mia giggles as she gives me a hug, Gail wishes me luck as Christian wraps his arm around me and helps me into the Q7.

~o0o~

We check into the maternity unit at UWMC, and are taken to the very same labor suite that I delivered Olivia in. I notice Christian looking all around the room, no doubt remembering the horror we went through the last time we were here. I squeeze his hand and try to convey that nothing in the past matters to me anymore, we're here and we're about to have our son. I give him a genuine smile and he leans down to kiss my forehead.

"I'm sorry for what you went through the last time we were here." I go to interrupt him needing to give him the reassurance I feel like he needs but he places his index finger over my lips to stop me from talking so I purse them into a kiss on his fingertip, those talented fingertips.

_Oh hell, you're in freaking labor and your thinking about his talented fingers… REALLY? Your vagina is about to be stretched beyond recognition and you're thinking about orgasms?!_

"Ana, that's all I'm going to say about the last time we were here because I know that you love me, and you forgave me a while ago but I just needed to acknowledge what happened and apologize for what I put you through. And now I'm going to focus on being blissfully happy and excited to meet our baby boy, I can't wait to hold him in my arms. I love you Ana, you've given me three wonderful children and here you are, in pain, giving me a forth."

"I love you too Christian, and although I'm in pain and it's going to get way worse than it is right now I am just as blissfully happy and excited to meet him too."

He gives me a peck on the lips before helping me out of the wheelchair and into the hospital gown. Once I'm as comfortable as I can be in this situation Christian goes to the family waiting room for Kate and Grace to join us, as it's not really appropriate to have my father and brother in-law's in the room with me.

Christian comes back into the suite with Grace and Kate in tow, they pull up some chairs and take a seat, we're talking quietly when one of the nurse's knocks on the door and then walk's into the room.

"Hello Mrs. Grey, my name is Amelia and I'll be your nurse throughout your delivery. I'm here to take your observations, and make sure everything is as it should be." She gives me a welcoming smile, before shaking my hand and Christians.

"Hello, I'm Christian, Ana's husband. I'm sure you're aware of the trouble that happened the last time my wife was here, I have to ask you to sign a confidentiality agreement before you can tend to Ana." He pulls out the document and a pen, handing it to Nurse Amelia. I feel myself blush at the shock written all over the young nurses face.

_Fifty can't be too careful, look what happened last time; the nurses sold their story on you!_

"That isn't a problem Mr. Grey, I'm one of the senior nursing staff and we cater to the elite of Seattle, I have already signed a confidentiality agreement before coming into the room. Here's your copy for your records." Nurse Amelia gives him a smile and hands over the document.

"Anyone working with you or your wife has also signed the same agreement, after what happened last time we aren't taking any chances. Now, Ana… can you answer some questions for me so I can find out how you're doing?" She asks.

"Um, yes sure…" She smiles at me before taking my chart and filling it out section by section. She takes my blood pressure, attaches me to the foetal monitor that allows us to hear our baby's heartbeat and shows how often my contractions are coming and how strong they are.

"So, you're contractions are approximately 15-16 minutes apart right now?"

"Yes, most of them are around my back but the stronger ones are sharper towards my stomach." I answer honestly as she writes down the information.

"I see that in your birth plan you've opted for a natural, drug-free labor, are you still happy to go ahead with that, or do you want a few changes?" She asks with a smile.

"No changes, I'm happy to go ahead as planned." I squeeze Christian's hand as his thumb rubs circles on the back of my own.

"Well that's everything sorted… I'm just going to check in with Dr. Green and she'll be along to examine you shortly. Remember; if you need anything just buzz me. Mrs. Grey, I'm here exclusively for you so I am always available, even if it's just to hold your hand whilst you scream at me, okay?" She says with a giggle and pats my hand.

"Please call me Ana; Mrs. Grey makes me feel old." I laugh tiredly. She leaves the room and closes the door softly allowing us some privacy.

"Well I'll be damned." Christian mutters, still looking a little stunned by the hospitals efficiency.

"Has something shocked you Mr. Grey?" I ask as his hand slips into mine with a soft squeeze.

"I'd say so, usually these fuckers don't know their ass from their elbows but I guess they're still apprehensive that I'll sue them for confidentiality breach that occurred the last time we were here." He looks so sad and forlorn all of a sudden so I tighten my grip on his hand until he's forced to look into my eyes.

"Christian they fired the nurses that were involved with the Nooz incident so by dealing with NDA's beforehand their covering their own asses whilst trying to reassure us that nothing else will be leaked to the press. Please stop thinking back to when we had Olivia, I want this time to be happy and I can't be happy unless you are too, so can we concentrate on the positives in this situation?"

"You're right, I'm sorry and I promise that I'll stop thinking about what happened last time, starting now." He leans over and kisses my lips a few times before sitting down in the comfy chair by my bedside whilst Kate and Grace sit on those horrid plastic stacking chairs.

Grace, Kate and I are talking about when Ava was born and how much of a big baby Kate is when it comes to childbirth, which makes Christian and I laugh from remembering the slew of insults and curse words that flew out of her pretty mouth during 'Active labor and transition.'

"It's totally not fair Ana, how can you sit there and talk to us calmly like nothing remotely painful is happening when in reality your downstairs is going through a meat grinder?" I sputter out the mouthful of water I just choked on with laughing, Christian pats my back, giving me a paper towel to wipe my chin whilst chuckling himself.

"God, Kate you almost killed me!" I giggle as I wipe away a few tears and she's trying to hold in her laughter and failing miserably.

"Well that's what it felt like to me!" She gives up and ends up laughing, hard. Grace is chatting to Kate when I feel a contraction pull through my belly and I breathe slowly, in and out. They're getting much stronger, and much more frequent.

"Breathe baby; you're doing so well!" Christian says proudly, and I only nod whilst keeping my eyes closed and concentrating on breathing calmly. He rubs my stomach and continually presses his lips to my forehead during the entire contraction. Once it's over I exhale slowly and relax.

"Hopefully Matthew will decide that he wants to catch up since he's late and will speed up the process for you."

"Oh I hope so, and as much as I don't show it, it really freaking hurts."

"I know but once he's here, it'll all be forgotten about until you're ready to deliver baby five."

"I don't know if we'll have another, we have two wonderful girls and we're about to have our second little boy so unless we have another super sperm accident, I won't be in this suite until our children are giving birth to our grandchildren."

"Oh please don't even go there baby, I don't want to think about it." Christian grimaces, then lifts my hand to his lips.

"How are you doing Ana?" Dr. Green asks as she breezes into the room.

"Oh, I'm really looking forward to Matthew being out and labor being over!" I say as I motion to my massive belly.

"I can imagine so, especially since you've never been overdue before. I'm just going to have a quick look to see how you're doing. Amelia said you're contractions are coming at around fifteen minutes apart?"

"Yep, they're getting stronger now though, the last one was a lot stronger." I say as she washes her hands and slips on a pair of medical gloves. Nurse Amelia gets me into position then Dr. Green comes over to check me over.

"Well, you're four centimetres dilated right now, but looking at the contraction sheet, they're speeding up and lasting for longer, so hopefully you'll progress quickly like last time. How are you for pain relief are you still feeling okay with what we decided prior to going into labor?"

"Yep, the contractions aren't all that bad yet, ask me again in a couple of hours." I say with a chuckle.

"If only all of my patients could be as calm as you, my job would be so much easier. I'll be back to check on you in a little while, if you need anything just buzz your nurse." She chats for a few moments to Grace before leaving the room to tend to the other women who are also in labor at the moment.

It's going to be a while before this is over so I try to get a little sleep before the pain makes it impossible to do so.

~o0o~

"Christian?"

"I'm here baby; I'm here… are you alright? Do you need anything?"

"It hurts…" I groan as I ride out the intense contraction ripping through my body.

"I know, but it'll be over soon…" Christian says as he wipes my brow with a cold washcloth, which feels soothing. Dr. Green comes into the room and examines me as Christian holds my hand and strokes my hair, trying to calm me but nothing is remotely calming at this point.

"Well sweetie, you're six centimetres dilated, you're a pro at this by now so I'm sure you'll know that you're almost through Active labor and things are going to get tougher from here on out, I know you don't want any pain relief but just do what makes you comfortable and follow your instincts."

"It's… wow it hurts, why do I keep forgetting this part? I do it every time and I always forget." I feel my eyes tearing up but really, what are tears going to do; I'm still going to have to go through it no matter what.

"Baby, if you need to cry and scream or even hit me then you can, if it makes this easier for you then go ahead okay?" Christian says with a mirthless chuckle, pushing away the hair that's stuck to my sweaty brow.

"I don't want to scream at you, or hit you Christian… that takes too much energy." I manage to pant out, even Dr. Green laughs along with my family.

"And here I thought you were going to say you couldn't scream and hit me because you love me." Christian says with a soft, tender look in his grey eyes, if I wasn't so damn tired I'd take him up on his offer to beat the shit out of him for doing this to me!

_Bastard!_

"I swear you're never touching me again!" I manage to grunt out as another contraction rips through me. They're coming every five to six minutes and it's fucking horrific. I grab his hand in my death grip and squeeze as hard as I can. I look at Christian, who has pain written all over his face.

_Oh fuck that hurts does it Grey? Well not half as fucking much as LABOR!_

"Ahh, the 'I hate you' phase has approached, careful Grey, don't want her to rip off your junk!" Kate whispers and I fix her with my glare, so not in the mood Kavanagh!

"Honestly Ana, you haven't got much longer to go sweetie, you'll have Matthew in your arms before you know it. I'll pop back along in a little while, if you need anything or you feel like the contractions are coming quicker and stronger then buzz Amelia and she'll send for me okay."

"Thank you Dr. Green." Christian says, as I am unable to speak at the moment with all the panting. She gives Christian a nod before taking her leave, the contraction passes and I slump back into the bed.

"I need to move, I'm not comfortable… at all!" I groan as he helps me up.

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to get on my knees and lean over something, even the sofa!"

"Ana, that's not… sanitary and it can't possibly feel comfortable… maybe you're better just getting back into bed." The look on my face must say a thousand words because the next thing I know is that I'm in his arms and he lowers me to the floor in front of the sofa. I lean over it as Christian sits down beside me and rubs my back with the heel of his hand and I push back into it, moaning into the soft cushions of the sofa.

"This really hurts Christian, I don't know if… I don't know if I can do it!" I whisper, close to tears.

"You can baby, you're doing beautifully Ana, you're strong and I know you can do this."

"Okay… I can do it; I have to because it's too late to change my mind… huh?"

"Yes baby, it's too late to change your mind."

"Crap!" I whisper, tears slowly falling down my cheeks. I feel another contraction starting and I breathe through it hard, grunting and gasping as I sway my hips from side to side whilst Christian continues to apply pressure to my lower back.

"You're doing so well darling, he'll be with us soon, you're contractions are three minutes apart." I have Kate sitting on my left and Grace on my right, on the same sofa I'm leaning over with Christian on his knees behind me doing his best to help me through this and if it wasn't for the fact that my mother-in-law is right beside me I'd kill him for doing this to me.

_It takes two to make a baby Ana! _

I ignore my subconscious because I am so not in the mood for my 'I argue with myself' routine.

"Ughhhhhhh… this hurts, really, really hurts." I whimper, I turn my head to see Christian kneeling beside me and as he meets my eye he instantly comes around so that I can see him.

"What is it sweetheart, what do you need?" He asks sweetly, kissing my shoulder and under my ear which makes me shiver.

"I need for this to be over already… it's been hours Christian."

"Baby, I know—I know you're in pain but by the same token I know you're incredibly strong and once you've set your mind to something… there's no stopping you, so that's how I know you can do this!" He implores me, focusing on my eyes as another contraction ripples through me, much more intense than the last.

"Why did I say no pain relief, why?" I moan, rocking my hips from side to side to get some form of comfort from this agony.

"Because you can do this without it, because you want to feel yourself push out our son." Christian encourages, still applying pressure to my back with the heel of his hand which kind of helps with the pain in that area.

"Okay… I can do this." I try to put as much conviction and acceptance into my words even though I don't necessarily believe them.

"I… think I'm ready to push Christian… Ughhhhhhh I want to push!"

"Ana, you can't push yet baby, breathe and puff through the urge to push. Mom, buzz the nurse and get Dr. Green in here." Christian says to Grace, who quickly gets up and calls for the nurse. A few moments and a contraction later Nurse Amelia comes into the room.

"How are you doing Ana?"

"I want to push!" I grunt, still folded over the sofa.

"We need to get you up onto the bed, even if you want to birth on all fours it'll be easier up on the bed sweetie."

_Sweetie? Really? My downstairs is getting shoved through a meat grinder and she wants to call me SWEETIE?!_

"Mr. Grey, can you please help Ana to her feet so we can get here up on the bed please, Dr. Green is on her way." The next thing I know, I'm in Christian's arms and we're over by the bed.

"Ana, do you want to lie on your back or up on all fours baby?" He asks his voice tight and strained.

"On… my… back!" I manage to pant out. He sets me down on the bed and presses a cold washcloth to my forehead.

"I know you're tired and sweaty, but baby… you look so beautiful right now." He leans over and places a gentle kiss between my brows and another to the top of my belly, using his hand to rub my bump lovingly.

"You'll be here soon Matthew; daddy can't wait to meet you." He whispers, his lips still touching my bump.

"I swear Christian… never again, this is the last time I… go through this." His lips twitch and I know he's resisting the urge to laugh knowing that this isn't the time to do so.

"Okay, he's our last. I promise." Dr. Green comes into the room just as another contraction rips through me, going on and on, maintaining the height of pain.

"It'll pass soon just keep breathing… slowly in and out… that's it; you're doing so well Ana." Dr. Green reassures me, fuck me this hurts. I grind my teeth, resisting the urge to bear down. Once the contraction passes I exhale and relax back into the bed.

"I'm going to check you out, see how we're doing okay." I nod, even though I am passed the point of giving a shit.

"You're nine centimetres Ana, you're almost over transition—I'm going to stay here and guide you through it okay." I nod, panting and puffing through the urge to push, which is so strong that I can't really think of anything else.

"Here's another contraction coming, don't push Ana… breathe, that's it … puff through it." Christian says, looking right into my eyes and wiping away the few tears that have escaped down my cheeks.

Another few contractions pass much the same way, every two minutes and extremely painful.

"Okay Ana, you're fully dilated and effaced. When the next contraction comes I want you to give me a big, strong push okay?" Dr. Green coaches, along with Amelia and another nurse whom I don't know. My body gives me a five minute break, preparing me for the homerun.

"I… just want… it to be o-ver!" I pant, I'm exhausted. I just want to sleep. I've been in labor for over twelve hours.

"I know you're tired baby and I promise once he's here you can go to sleep… I hate seeing you in pain, if I could take it away, believe me… I would. I love you, and I know you can do this."

"I… love you too!"

"It's starting…" I hiss through my teeth, feeling the tightening rip through me, my body screaming at me to expel.

"Okay support her back Christian." Dr Green instructs and Christian wraps his arm around my back, lifting me forward. "Chin to chest Ana, take a deep breath and give me a big push, I'll count you through it!

One…

Two…

Three…

That's it… keep pushing…

Five…

Six…

Seven…

Eight…

You're doing beautifully Ana…

And relax. Take a few breaths its okay." I gasp, sucking much needed oxygen into my lungs. A few seconds later another contraction hits and I push, as hard as I possibly can.

"That's it, I can see his head… good job Ana, he's coming… keep pushing… keep it going… and stop!" The need to push is an unbelievable, uncontrollable urge.

"I need… to … push!" I grunt, hissing through my teeth as I try to hold off.

"Ana, he's coming too fast and you'll tear, control it, no more pushes, just blow through the rest of the contraction sweetheart, you're doing beautifully." Christian forces me to meet his eyes and he pants with me whilst I feel Dr. Green guiding Matthews decent.

"That's it… good job Ana." Dr. Green calls out.

"I can't… I can't do it. Christian I can't, I'm too tired."

"I know you're tired but you can do it, I know you can." Christian murmurs in my ear, kissing my temple whilst we wait for the next contraction.

"And Push… harder Ana, you have to push really hard for me…

One, keep going…

Three,

Four,

Five, deep breath and hold,

Six,

Seven,

Eight,

Nine,

And relax." I take a shuddering breath as Christian mops my sweaty forehead with the flannel. A few seconds later I feel the strongest contraction I've had to date. Jesus Christ this hurts!

"He's coming Ana, I can see him baby, I can see his head." Christian breathes, looking down at our babies head as he comes out.

"He's crowning Ana; this is the hardest part, once his head's out its smooth sailing. Push, big hard push!" I hold my breath, my chin firmly on my chest as I push down as hard as I can. I feel the burning ring of fire as I drag another breath into my tired lungs and continue pushing through the contraction as his head comes out.

"Ughhhhhhh,"

"Baby… he's beautiful, his head is out and I can see his little face. I'm so proud of you Ana, you look so beautiful right now." Christian murmurs in awe, kissing my forehead.

"Do you want to feel Ana?" Dr. Green asks and I nod. She takes my hand and guides it between my legs to where I feel my son's wet, slippery head. It's a magical moment and gives me enough strength to get him out and into my arms as another contraction rips through me.

"Push Ana, harder, come on… he's almost here, push… that's it, we're almost there Ana, one more big push and he'll be in your arms."

"I… I can't."

"Yes you can, I'm right here Ana, we'll do it together okay." I took a ragged breath and forward, with Christian still supporting my back and holding one hand whilst Grace holds the other, I rest my chin on my chest and push down with every ounce of strength I have left.

"That's it… good job Ana; he's almost out… push!" I find a new wave of strength and push harder!

"Ba-by, push, he's almost here… god, you're so beautiful Ana." I give one last hard, strong, push and feel my son slip from my body with a sharp cry and the next thing I know, my gown is opened up and he's placed on my chest, skin to skin. He's covered in blood and white mush but I don't care, Dr. Green and Amelia put a soft blanket over him and rub vigorously to clean him up a little.

"I'm so proud of you Ana… so proud." Christian breathes with a few tears rolling down his cheeks as he leans in and kisses me deeply, his large hand softly stroking Matthew's hair.

"Hello Matty, mommy loves you so much." I cry with happiness and relief that the awful pain has evaporated.

"He's really small Ana, and so perfect, you're perfect. I love you so much baby… thank you." I smile; I'm tired but completely blissed out right now.

"I couldn't have done it without you Christian… I love you." He leans down; kissing me like his lift depends on it.

"Do you want to cut the cord daddy?" Dr. Green offers in a quiet, calm voice. Christian wipes away his tears with the heels of his hands and snips the tether that binds Matthew to my body.

"I'm just going to take him and get him cleaned up and weighed." Nurse Amelia announces and takes my son from my chest, leaving me feeling bereft. Christian watches him closely, torn between staying with me and going with our son so I make the decision for him since he's unable to do so himself.

"Go with our son, I don't want him to be alone." I smile to reassure him, I know he doesn't want to leave me.

"We'll stay with Ana, go on." Grace encourages, he sighs heavily and kisses my forehead and lips before following Nurse Amelia and Matty.

"Jeez, I bow down to you Steele, no drugs—believe me, I'm one of those women who scream for drugs as soon as the first contraction hits." Kate says with a chuckle and kisses my forehead.

"I know, I remember the last time." I add in a quiet voice, I am immensely happy despite the fact that I am exhausted beyond belief.

Dr. Green helps me deliver the afterbirth, examining me to see if I need any stitches, I cross my fingers and hope that I don't need any.

"Well Mrs. Grey, you did amazingly well, not a single tear in sight." She announces happily.

"Thank god, I hate getting stitches." I breathe, relieved since I hate needles.

"I'll get one of the nurses to help you get into a clean nightgown or pyjama's whilst we get a more comfortable bed in here, since you'll be staying overnight."

"Would it be okay if Kate and Grace help me, I'd feel more comfortable with them rather than a stranger?" I blush, apparently as soon as the baby is out my dignity and shame comes back full force.

"That's fine, are you alright to get up and move around?" She asks, lowering the bed.

"Yeah I think I'll be fine, it's not as if I have any drugs in my system except the natural ones my brain has just released." I swing my legs around, feeling the cool flooring beneath my feet. Kate goes into my holdall, grabbing my comfy pyjamas, panties and a nursing bra before she and Grace help me to my feet. I pause for a second, feeling slightly dizzy but eventually it passes as they help me into the bathroom, and into the shower. I quickly wash, not bothering to be too particular. Kate washes my hair and then helps me get into my pyjamas. Once we're finished and I'm dressed, they help me back into the room and a comfy double bed is in place of the uncomfortable, sterile birthing bed.

Grace adjusts my pillows, propping them up, and then pulls back the comforter before she and Kate help me get back into bed. Once I'm tucked in they take a seat beside me.

"Did you get a good look at him?" I ask them both, Kate being the first to answer, as always.

"I didn't see much of him, but what I did see… wow, you two make gorgeous babies." Kate says, smiling as she squeezes my hand.

"He is absolutely beautiful Ana. You did so well darling." Grace adds, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek just as Christian returns to the room, my son swaddled in a baby blue blanket in his strong arms.

"He's 7lbs 2oz of pure perfection Anastasia." Christian says as he stares into my eyes, holding our son in his arms. He sits down on the empty side of my bed, and hands over Matthew to me.

"Baby, how is your hair wet?" He asks, kissing my forehead.

"I had a shower, your mom and Kate helped me get cleaned up and into PJ's whilst the nurses got us a better bed." I murmur, kissing my sons soft forehead.

"Damn it you've just given birth you should've been resting, not moving around—this is why I didn't want to leave you." I can't help the chuckle that bubbles from my chest.

"Christian, she's not an invalid, or sick—we always encourage mothers to get up as soon as they feel able to do so." Grace says, wrapping her arm around his waist and he kisses her hair.

"I'm going to go get your father and Elliot, they can say a quick hello and then we'll let you rest. You both must be exhausted, especially this little guy." She leans over, cupping his head and brushing her lips over his soft cheek.

"He's simply gorgeous." She gets up and leaves the room to get Carrick and Elliot. I feel Matthew wiggling around, trying to get comfortable when he opens his eyes.

"Hello little man, you're so handsome… yes you are, I love you so much baby boy." Christian murmurs, stroking his cheek whilst I hold him in my arms.

Grace brings Carrick and Elliot into the room, excited to meet their nephew and grandson. They stay for around twenty minutes, all requesting a hold of the newest member of the Grey family. I try to keep my eyes open, to appreciate the scene before me but my body betrays me, releasing a loud yawn.

"Oh, excuse me." I giggle, holding my hand over my mouth as another yawn fights to escape, this time Kate joins in.

"I think that's our cue to buzz off, these guys need their beauty sleep, especially my dear little bro."

"We'll call you in the morning, if they're discharging us tomorrow, there's no point in coming in with the kids. You all may as well stay at the big house, especially since Ava will be sound asleep, plus Mia and Ethan are already staying. That way, when we're discharged you'll all be able to welcome this little guy home." Christian says, kissing Matthew's forehead.

"Taylor is in the family waiting room, he'll take you back to the house and we'll call him tomorrow to come pick us up with Matthew's car seat." Christian says, we say our goodbyes, each of them giving Matthew a kiss on the forehead.

Christian pulls out his PJ pants and a clean t-shirt, quickly changing and pulling back the duvet to sit down on the bed.

"You must be exhausted, give him to me and try and get some sleep baby." I don't argue I slip my son into his daddy's arms and snuggle into Christian's side, with my head resting on his chest; he slips his free arm around me, holding me close whilst he places a gentle kiss on my hair, and another on Matthew's forehead.

"Sleep now baby, I love you so much." I don't fight his command, instantly falling into a blissful, contented sleep.

* * *

_Matthew's here… yay!_

_I hope I did better with this birthing scene, opposed to Olivia's which was kind of over really quickly. I apologize if it was too long winded but I really wanted to give it some depth and emotion without any kind of drama and minimal angst. _

_What do you think will happen next in the story?_

_W/L  
-Susie, xoxo_


	81. Chapter 81: Little Matthew!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

I wake slowly to Christian's quiet, soothing voice talking to our son.

"I'm your daddy little guy, and I've waited so long to finally have you in my arms. It's a big, scary world out there Matty but don't you worry because mommy and I will take care of you and protect you, always son.

I love your mommy so much, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me… but don't doubt my love for you and your siblings because I love them and you just as much. It's just a different kind of love that I share with your mommy." I feel tears brewing, a huge lump lodged in my throat as I listen to him humming from the glider that's in the corner of the room.

A little while later Matthew begins to fuss, I hear his throaty cry and my motherly instincts kick in but I ignore them a little, allowing Christian to bond with his son, to calm him without me.

"Are you hungry baby boy? Shh, it's okay son, let's go wake up mommy, even though she's only been asleep for an hour." I hear him pad across the room, and then the bed dips as he sits down beside me.

"Ana… baby wake up." He says, placing kisses along my jawline. "I don't want to wake you, but Matthew needs his mommy for milk since daddy doesn't have any to give him." Christian whispers, kissing my cheek.

"It's alright, I'm already awake." I murmur, my voice still thick with sleep

"You've hardly been asleep baby." He snorts as I pull myself into a sitting position. He transfers Matty into my arms proceeding to unbutton my pyjama top half way down, and then unclips my front-fastening bra.

"I could do this myself you know…" I mutter wryly, trying to stop myself from laughing.

"I know but, I want to be involved in with his feeding process… I read that it helps fathers to bond with their baby is exclusively breastfed." He shrugs, a hint of his adorable, lopsided smile gracing his face.

"It's okay, Christian… I love you so much." I whisper, kissing him deeply. He pulls back, groaning slightly, I presume that it's because of the no-sex-for-six-weeks-rule. He reaches over to Matthew, lifting his head from where it's resting in the crook of my elbow and gently guides him to my nipple, after a few failed attempts he finally latches and his soft grunts and whimpers fill the room.

Christian plays with his little feet and hands whilst he drinks from my breast, murmuring I-love-you's to the both of us. It's a magically intimate moment with the three of us. When he eventually turns his face away from me, Christian grabs one of the blankets and tosses it over his left shoulder, proceeding to burp him expertly before latching him onto the other side.

Once he's completely finished his first feed Christian changes his diaper, and then dresses him in his first outfit, which consists of a soft blue onesie, matching hat and scratch mitts since his itty-bitty nails are a little long. Once he's finished getting our baby dressed, he lays out a soft baby blanket on the bed, and then places Matty on top.

"Let's take a look at you little guy…" Christian murmurs as we take inventory of his delicate features, studying them to see which of us they coincide the most with.

After a few moments, it's safe to say that he is a complete Christian. T. Grey clone. Right now, his eyes are blue, but we'll have to keep a check on them as they develop and change into his permanent color. His hair is the same copper hue of his fathers, as is his eye-shape, nose, and his jaw. The only part I have in him is the shape of his lips.

"I clearly have absolutely no power over your strong genes in this one." I giggle. We learned from my mistakes with Teddy. I always encouraged everyone to whisper whilst he was asleep, turning off all noisy objects and devices in his presence which only served to give us a very light sleeping baby who couldn't fall or stay sleeping if there was any kind of noise in his vicinity. Which is why when we had Gracie, whenever she'd fall asleep, we'd turn the music or television up a little louder to make sure she could sleep deeply.

"Not completely baby, he has your kissable, pouty lips which will serve him well when it comes to seducing the ladies." Christian smirks, then pulls me closer, testing out his theory by kissing and 'servicing' my pouty lips. Once he was finished my lips were slightly swollen, I was very dizzy and completely breathless, which only increased his mirth.

"That—is how you dazzle a sexy, hot woman son."

"I would argue, but I'd say 'dazzled' is a fairly accurate summary of how I'm feeling right now." I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart a little while Christian swaddles our sleeping son in his soft blanket and places him in the hospital issue 'fish tank' crib on wheels that has his little name card slotted at the bottom.

"Let's get you back to sleep now that Master Matthew is fed, loved and sleeping." Christian quips; pulling the 'fish tank' around to his own side of the bed then slips in beside me.

"You done amazingly well tonight… you, you're so strong, much stronger than I give you credit for." I feel the blush creep up my cheeks, showing him just what his compliments do to my traitor body.

"You did pretty amazing yourself; I wouldn't have been able to do it like that without you. When Olivia was being born—I realised how much I draw my strength from you, your presence, and your love. I'm only half of the whole force who brought him here—sure, I did the actual pain and pushing part but you gave me the strength to bring him to our arms… I love you so much Christian." He pulls me close, turned on my left side with my head tucked under his chin and my arm draped lazily over his hard, chiselled stomach whilst he lightly strokes my arms and back with his feather light touch lulling me into a deep sleep.

* * *

I'm woken by a light vibration hitting off the wood of the end table, pulling me from the comfort of my wife's arms. I'm wrapped all around her, with my hand cupping her breast and my leg in between hers.

_Jeez Grey, the woman's just gave birth to your forth child and you still grope her like a hormonal, teenage boy!_

I slip out of bed, briefly looking in on Matthew, making sure he's okay and comfortable before answering the call.

"Good morning sir, I just thought I should come in a little early to prepare you for what's waiting downstairs." My publicist announces in an omniscient tone that I'm instantly wary of.

"What's going on?" I ask in a clipped tone, panicking about what could possibly be going on whilst I've been blissfully celebrating the birth of my son. In my opinion it's better to freak out until I'm assured otherwise.

"Well sir, there's a bunch of press waiting outside, it seems like they thought you'd have come downstairs to announce the baby's birth, sex, weight and name. They've been camped out there since Ana was admitted last night and I doubt they're going to be leaving any time soon unless you release some sort of _personal _statement." I didn't like the way he annunciates the word 'Personal'.

"Well what are you waiting for, isn't that what I pay you and your team for Mr. Michaels?" I snap, what does he want, me to write the fucking thing myself?!

"Um, well… the thing is, nowadays it seems like when you're in the public eye and have just had a baby, it's protocol for the father to go out to the waiting press and give an elated, tired-looking announcement so the world can celebrate your joy." He murmurs, sounding—if I'm being honest—fucking terrified of my reaction. So he should be, he knows that I don't follow 'protocol' for anything, I do things my own way, it's how I've always worked and I don't give a fuck what the vultures 'expect' from me.

"Write out a generic press release, do you have a pen for the details I'm about to give you? Oh and Sam, tell them they're fucking lucky that I'm giving them this much!" I snap, there's a reason I'm the head of my company and a reason I don't have a board of directors—putting it simply, it's because I don't fucking like being told what to do.

"All they're getting is his first name, which is Matthew—we haven't told our families his full name yet. He was born at 2:34 AM, his weight 7lbs 2oz.

"Um… Mr. Grey, Sir… I don't want to s-second-guess y-your judgement but I don't t-think they'll disappear with a simple press-rrelea-se." His voice quivers and I sigh heavily.

"I'm listening." I reply simply.

"The thing is sir, they've been camped out there all night, and they won't back off for a generic press-release. I doubt you'll be able to get your wife and son out of the hospital without getting camera's shoved in your faces."

"That's maybe the precedent for Brangelina or whoever, I'm not a celebrity. I'm a business man."

"I know sir, but the press interest in your life and your popularity increased exponentially when you met and married your wife, she's often featured in women's fashion magazines in their 'best dressed' lists and is practically a household name in her own right due the success of Grey Publishing in the last few years. Her status in public perception and interest overtakes yours, by a lot. But ultimately, since you'll be the one who will be issuing the statement, it's your decision sir. What would you prefer me to do?" I turn around from where I've been looking out of the window and pacing for the duration of this phone call to find Ana sitting up in bed with Matthew in her arms, she's fucking glowing with love and happiness.

"Sam, let me discuss it with Ana and I'll call you back with instructions on how to proceed." I end the call with a heavy sigh and run my fingers through my hair in irritation.

"What's the matter baby?" She asks, looking up at me from where she was staring at our new-born with a blissful, beaming smile.

"Eugh! Fucking press!"

"Can you elaborate on that maybe? I know they're generally irritating but 'fucking press' covers such a wide scope of situations." She responds airily with a giggle, I shake my head with a smirk before sitting on the bed beside her. I lean down and inhale the amazing scent of my baby boy's head, it's indescribable. If I could bottle that specific new-born scent, I'd make a fortune.

"Well, apparently the press have been camped outside, all night, eagerly awaiting the _personal _announcement of our newest addition to the family."

"What's the problem, surely you're invaluable PR team can handle a simple birth announcement?" She scoffs, a slight frown teasing her brow so I lean over and kiss it away.

"That's what I said but Sam has just informed me that it's customary for the father that's in the public eye, to go downstairs and give a 'tired, but happy' personal announcement of the baby's time of arrival, sex, weight and name.

Since they've been camped out there all night, there's no way they're leaving without getting what they came for. I told him that I'm not a celebrity, I'm a business man and they can go fuck themselves"

"What did Sam say to that?" She asks, rocking Matthew, patting his diaper to bring him comfort but his little arms and legs continue to squirm around, trying to escape the blanket that he's wrapped up in.

"He said that since meeting and marrying you, my 'popularity' has increased, however he's just informed me that you are in the pages of fashion magazines, and that you status in public perception and interest, has overtaken mine. Since you've shot GP to the top of the publishing industry, you're a household name in your own right. He basically said that we won't be able to leave the hospital without getting camera lenses shoved in our faces." I study her face closely, trying to grasp some clue as to what is running through that pretty little head of hers. Eventually she bursts out laughing.

"So, what are you going to do?" She asks, dropping her lips to Matthew's forehead.

"I guess I'll be issuing a statement to the worlds press downstairs."

"You don't have to, I'm sure Taylor and Luke will be able to get us out safely." She offers, then kisses my lips, just a quick peck but it sends all the blood in my body due south.

"I know I don't have to, but I think it'll work out better if I do, I don't want you or Matty to be harassed like the last time you left here with Olivia." Ana sighs heavily, and scowls at me.

"Christian that was for very different reasons." She murmurs, looking up at me with a pleading expression to let the past go, and for her, I will.

"I know… sorry. I'm going to call Sam back baby." I lean over and kiss her forehead and Matthews before giving him a call.

"Mr. Grey, sir?" Sam answers on the first ring.

"I'll go down and give them a very brief personal statement on one condition Sam." I don't want to, but I will.

"Go ahead sir?" He says excitedly, he probably just done some sort of fist pump.

"If… I do this, as soon as I've given the statement they have to pack up and leave us alone for the rest of the day. I mean completely leave us alone, no waiting at the gate when we arrive back at the house; I want to celebrate the birth of my son with my family and not have to worry how the hell they're going to get on our property without getting cameras shoved in their faces."

"I'm sure that'll be fine for them, I think at this point, they'll take whatever they can get. Instead of writing some sort of announcement, it'd probably work out better if you answered a few basic questions—nothing too personal or anything by one reporter whilst the rest film or record your answers, is that alright with you?" He asks, his voice taking an upward lilt.

"Fucking hell, I suppose I can answer a few appropriate questions, so long as they leave us alone afterwards! Call me once you've set it up!" I mutter before ending the call with a sigh, rubbing my hands over my face in annoyance. Fucking press!

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Ana asks, rubbing her free hand up and down my back to soothe me.

"I'm sure, I'll do anything to get them to leave us alone for the day, I want to celebrate without their shit."

"Okay, take him for a sec… I need to go to the bathroom real quick." She says and I nod, taking Matthew from her arms and propping him up against my chest, one arm braced under his diaper and my hand cupping the back of his head.

"It's okay little guy, mommy will be back soon." I whisper against his cheek, to calm him as he squirms in my arms, intermittently kissing his soft hair. A few moments later Ana comes back with a breath taking smile gracing her face.

"What?" I ask, giving her my shy smile back.

"I just don't think I'll ever get passed the total and complete joy I feel whenever I see you with our children." She says as she shakes her head. Which reminds me of something she mentioned as she was giving birth to our son?

"Did you mean what you said, about Matthew being our last?" I ask, knowing I'm not opposed to having another _little-Ana _running around the house.

"I guess it was the pain talking!" She responds with a giggle, "Do you want another?" She asks with her brow raised in shock.

"I think I'd like another little girl, not right away, maybe in a few years' time or something. I just love when you have our babies; you make me fall in love with you all over again." I say honestly, I do love when she's pregnant and round with my baby but it's more than that, a baby is just a further extension of our combined love for one and other.

"Well, okay—I guess we can have another baby as long as it's not before Olivia goes to Kindergarten, because right now Christian, we have three kids under five, two of which are under two years old." She shakes her head "Baby, we're absolutely nuts." Ana says, laughing slightly.

"We don't need to think of that for a while yet baby, now that we're on the same page we don't have to think of any of that shit for a while, let's just concentrate on one infant at a time, agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Did Matty wake up after we went back to bed?" She asks, kissing his little forehead as he lays grunting and squirming in my arms, making those adorable new-born noises.

"He was a little fussy around an hour after we fell asleep, turns out he had a little more wind and couldn't sleep because of it." Which left me feeling like a complete failure!

"He's due for a feed then." Ana says, so I transfer Matty to her arms and once he's comfortable I open up her top, free her breast then guide our little boy's head so he can latch on. He suckles noisily, with his little hand resting on Ana's breast.

~o0o~

I head down in the elevator, to give the announcement slash inquisition slash interview with the press. I really don't want to do this but if I can get rid of the vultures so that Ana and Matthew can leave the hospital in peace, then I will.

I'd changed into a clean pair of jeans, a white t-shirt and leather jacket, opting for casual family man instead of cut-throat business tycoon. Sam is waiting for me as soon as the elevator doors open.

"Are you r-ready sir?" He asks, looking sickened, nervous and terrified.

"Jesus Christ Sam, I'm not dragging you to your death you know!" I say with a smirk, gaining a shaky laugh from my publicist.

"I know sir, I'm just a little nervous. I have spoken with the photographers and camera crews outside and they're prepared to pack up after your announcement and leave your family alone for the day. I made sure that they know if they renege then we'll make their reputation's resemble Wynona Ryder's."

"Good, let's hope the bastards stick to their word. Let's get on with it, I have a wife upstairs and an adorable little boy I could be spending time with, no offence."

"None taken, sir."

I shake my head slightly, getting rid of my impending dread. I fucking hate journalists, heh… maybe that's why I was so against Katherine when we first met. Taylor opens the door from the outside, and as I step through I am blinded by millions of flashes. I feel Taylor's presence right beside me; close enough to protect me just in case something goes awry.

"WHAT DID YOU HAVE?" "WHAT'S THE BABY'S NAME?" "ARE MOTHER AND BABY WELL?" "WAS IT NATURAL LABOR?" "HOW LONG DID IT TAKE?" "MR GREY?" "HOW'S ANA?"

A million questions are continually screamed at me all at the same time, with the added bonus of their incessant flashes going off making it impossible to see or even hear myself think. Sam steps forward, standing in front of me.

"If only one of you could please ask your questions it'd make Mr. Grey's job a lot easier. Only appropriate questions will be answered. Thank you."

"What sex is the baby, Mr. Grey?" A young female reporter asks, on her microphone is the E! logo. I fucking hate that channel, my impassive mask is up so I doubt the swooning female can see how irritating and unnecessary I find her and her whole profession 'Entertainment Journalist' fucking morons.

They hold their microphones at arm's length over the barricade that has been placed in front of them, getting as close as they possibly can. I clear my throat and prepare to answer her questions.

"Ana gave birth to a little boy in the early hours of the morning."

"Mr. Grey, what were you doing when Mrs. Grey went into labor?" She asks, her microphone reaching as far as it can possibly go.

"My wife, children and I were spending a quiet afternoon with our family; everyone was over at our house when Ana went into labor." I answer in a clipped tone, trying to remove all emotion from my voice but it's an impossible task as I am completely elated and full of joy at the moment.

"Did you get to the hospital as soon as you realised that she had in fact, gone into labor?"

"No, Ana didn't want or need to go in until she had proceeded to a certain point."

"Did she opt for a caesarean or natural labor with epidural?" She asks, and I can't help the snort that escapes me.

"Ana is the strongest person I know, we decided very early on in the pregnancy that best-case-scenario she'd deliver naturally, completely natural with no pain relief as she did with our two girls. And that's how she brought the baby into the world, the way nature intended." I hear a collective gasp, it's relatively unheard of for a woman who is in the public eye to decide on a natural, drug free birth and actually go through with it once they go into labor, with the exception of hippies.

"So she did it all natural?" She asks, a slight edge of disbelief in her voice which pisses me off, does she think I'd lie about something like that?

"Yes." I answer my voice clipped and brutal.

"Um...w-what's his birth weight and length?" She trips over her words, probably from the icy glint in my eyes.

"He's 7lbs 2oz, and 19in long."

"And his full name Mr. Grey?"

"I can't share his full name since we haven't had the chance to reveal it to our families and we want to witness their reactions but I can tell you that his first name is Matthew."

"In total, how long was Mrs. Grey in labor?" She asks looking a little scared that she pissed me off.

"Roughly around thirteen hours, but she only spent around six of those hours in hospital." I answer, getting a little pissed off at the amount of fucking questions she's asked already, Sam notices and steps forward.

"Mr. Grey needs to get back upstairs to his wife and new-born so this is your last question Miss." She nods and gives me a smile; I return it because after she asks this last question, I can get back upstairs to be with Ana and Matty.

"And finally, do you and Mrs. Grey plan on having any more children in the immediate future?" I can't help but chuckle a little.

"We haven't really discussed the subject at length, especially since my wife has just given me another son, plus last night I was informed by Ana last night that Matthew would indeed be our last, but she said that was the pain talking."

"Thank you for your time Mr. Grey."

"That's a wrap, if everyone can please remember your end of the deal and leave Mr. Grey and his family alone to celebrate the arrival of their son." Sam says, motioning his hand for me to go back inside, flanked by Taylor. Their flashes go off like crazy as we walk back inside, continuing to scream more questions at me that I won't be answering.

I say goodbye to Sam then step into the elevator with Taylor.

"So, how are Ana and Matthew?"

"They're absolutely wonderful, Matty is just… perfect and Ana… well she's absolutely perfect too." I smile and Taylor shakes his head with a grin.

"Last night when I was in the waiting room, Gail must have called me around forty times asking for information I didn't have, when she sets her mind to something… shit she's relentless." I chuckle and shake my head.

"I can't imagine her being 'relentless' for some reason."

"Well trust me, when she wants something, well… she doesn't give up. Right now, she's baking ten variations of cookies with Gracie to distract herself because she's dying to see Matthew and Ana." Gail and Ana have a special mother-daughter-like relationship, and I know how much Ana loves Gail and vice versa.

"Oh, that reminds me, has Luke left for the airport yet?" I ask Taylor, last night I called Carla and Ray to inform them that Ana was in labor and sent the GEH jet to pick them up and bring them to Seattle.

"Yes, he called about twenty minutes ago, they should all be back at the house and ready to surprize Ana by the time we get to the house." He adds before the elevator doors ping and slide open. We quickly make our way to Ana's suite.

"Hey baby." Ana says as I lean down and kiss her pouty lips.

"We watched daddy and Uncle Jason on TV didn't we Matty-boy, we did huh?" She coos to our son, Taylor has a massive smile on his face as he watches Ana with Matty from afar.

"Come on Uncle Jason; come meet your new nephew." Ana says beckoning Taylor over to the chair next to the bed we shared last night. He takes a seat and leans forward to get a closer look at our baby boy.

"Oh man, he is Christian's double." Taylor smiles, reaching out to stroke the back of his index finger over Matthew's cheek.

"Here Uncle Jason, hold your nephew whilst I head to the ladies room." Ana says, placing our son in his Uncle's arms. It's funny to see a tiny new-born baby in Taylor's massive arms. The first time he held Teddy I nearly had an anxiety attack but I eventually got over my fears when Gracie came along. I'd have done just about anything, including using Jason Taylor, military trained killing machine to babysit our tiny daughter, whilst his wife watched our son just to get Ana and I five minutes to ourselves.

"You're a gorgeous little guy, yes you are. Uncle Jason will teach you how to beat up on your old man when you're a little bigger." Taylor tells him whilst laughing to himself, briefly kissing his forehead.

"Don't forget, I still haven't forgiven you for the knee I took to my nuts after you taught Ted to defend himself. You knew exactly what I was in for when you sent my son to ask me to be his assistant." Just remembering the burning pain I endured when my six year old relocated my junk inside my abdomen still makes me grimace, cross my legs and my eyes water. I glare at Taylor when he pisses himself laughing; just like he did the day it happened although I couldn't glare that day, nooo… I was too busy rolling around on the floor begging Jesus Christ to save my dick.

"Oh I'm glad I'm a source of amusement for you asshole, remember your laughter when you're waiting in the unemployment line!"

"Come on now Grey, your ass knows it'd miss me too much to ever fire me!" Taylor chuckles.

_Bastard knows it too!_

"Keep pushin' me moron and you'll find out!"

"Um, excuse me… there are a set of very tiny, susceptible ears in the room and research shows that new-borns have brains like sponges so if my son's first word is asshole, believe me… six weeks will seem like a walk in the park and I know Gail will dish out the same punishment to you Jason, so what do you have to say to that gentleman?" Ana asks with her hands on her hips, fuck she's so sexy when she's pissed at me.

"Sorry Ana." Taylor says then adds 'even though I didn't swear!' in a low enough voice that Ana couldn't hear whilst I watched him with my mouth hanging open. Oh… that…

"Ana he just-" She cuts me off with a single look, damn I'm fucked.

"Zip it mister! I don't care what he did Christian… I'm waiting for an apology from you." I catch sight of Taylor out of the corner of my eye and the bastard's smirking. I'll get him back, I'll eat something that Gail's cooked and leave a trail of crumbs leading straight to Taylor's office which makes me smirk, only in my head since I'm not brave enough to do so right this second.

"I'm sorry baby, it just slipped out… forgive me?" I ask, sauntering up to her and wrapping my arms around her waist, leaning down to place a deep, long kiss on those lips and I don't stop until she's dizzy.

"Fine you're forgiven." She mumbles against my lips, her fingers running through my hair. We're totally lost in the moment until Taylor clears his throat, which causes me to growl in pure annoyance. I part from Ana and spin around on my heel to find a very amused looking Taylor and Dr. Green.

_Oh crap, you've embarrassed Ana in front of the good doctor simply because you have an unwavering need to be attached to her lips._

"I'll be in the waiting room." Taylor says giving us both a nod before leaving. Ana is still in her pyjamas with the most adorable embarrassed expression I've ever seen.

"I'm here to check over both you and Matthew, providing everything is as it should be then you'll be heading home today." She announces with a smile, I can't wait to take Ana and Matty back home.

"Ana, can you please go into the bathroom and change into this gown before I start my examination?"

"Sure, no problem Dr. Green." Ana answers, giving us both a brief smile before taking the gown and entering the bathroom. A few seconds later she comes out and gets onto the bed. Dr. Green covers her with a sheet and asks her to spread her legs.

The examination only lasted around ten minutes, going over a check list to make sure Ana didn't have any unusual symptoms. Once she was finished with Ana, she started on Matthew. She took his temperature, heart rate, made sure his breathing was alright before finally taking a blood sample from the heel of his foot. Listening to his sharp cry as the tiny needle penetrated his skin was agonizing; tears ran down Ana's cheeks as she listened to our baby's cries. Once Dr. Green pressed his heel to the card taking five samples of blood she handed him over to his mother to comfort him. Ana kisses his forehead, murmuring to him, reassuring and soothing him all at the same time. Eventually her tears subsided and she concentrated on what Dr. Green had to say.

"Ana, if you provide me with a stool sample I'll get your discharge papers done within the hour." Ana blushes, probably at the thought of me knowing what she has to do, it's pretty disturbing if you ask me but if that's what the doctor wants then that's what she'll get.

"I already have collected the sample Dr. Green, it's in the bathroom." Ana whispers softly, I know she's mortified so she focuses all her attention on our son.

"Brilliant, I'll just go and fetch your discharge papers, you should start packing your stuff up and get Matthew's car seat up here." Dr. Green smiles at us both before exiting our suite.

"We're going home baby, are you excited?" I ask as Ana, kissing her cheek.

"Of course I'm excited, we're bringing our baby home plus I can't wait for our children to meet their little brother." She grins but towards the end of her sentence her smile drops a little.

"What is it, is something wrong baby?" I ask, worry and apprehension running rampant in my head.

"No it's just… I'm a little worried about how Olivia is going to handle Matthew getting lots of attention—especially from you and I. We both know that we'll be focusing on Matthew and she's going to find it really hard to deal with, she's barely seventeen months old and she won't understand why we've suddenly got another baby." She sighs, her bottom lip trembling slightly. If I'm being honest I was a little worried about this scenario myself but my job as Ana's husband is to offer comfort, reassurance and support in everything she does.

"She'll be fine baby… I'm not saying that it won't be hard for her in the beginning but she'll get over it and she'll love Matthew so stop worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. We'll make a conscious effort to spend extra alone time with Olivia, just you, me and her." I reassure gaining a small smile and a quick peck on the cheek.

"I'm going to go get dressed and hopefully once I finish packing up our stuff Dr. Green will be back with the papers." She says as she stands up with Matty still in her arms. She passes him into my arms before grabbing her clothes.

"Well that's mommy off to get dressed so I guess it's just you and me for a little bit sport." I say to him even though he doesn't understand a word I'm saying, he just stares up at me with curious eyes.

Eventually Ana comes out of the bathroom looking absolutely radiant. She's wearing a pair of black leggings with a baggy t-shirt, which hangs off one shoulder and a camisole underneath the t-shirt so that the strap is visible on the shoulder that's bare and to finish the outfit she wears her converse. Her face is bare of any make-up yet her skin is glowing, almost as if she is projecting the sun and warmth through her body. Her long wavy hair is piled up in a messy bun sitting on the top of her head.

_Fuck she's so gorgeous how the hell am I going to make it another six weeks before I can make love or fuck my wife?_

"See what you like Mr. Grey?" She asks her voice husky and laden with carnal intent.

"Oh I definitely do baby… you look so damn sexy right now and if you hadn't just gave birth to our son I would ravish your body right here, right now, on that hospital and nothing could stop me." She comes closer, kisses my temple then sits down beside me.

"I love you Mr. Grey and you too little Mr. Grey." Ana giggles, kissing Matthew's head.

"Do you want to get him dressed in his going home outfit and I'll go get Taylor to bring the car seat up?" I ask, passing over our son.

"We're going to get you dressed aren't we Matthew." She murmurs to him. I think that's something I'll never get tired of seeing, Ana has total and complete unconditional love for our children, as do I, but watching her with them… it's a wonder and joy to behold.

I get up and head out to the family waiting room where Taylor is sitting reading a magazine as soon as he catches me in his peripheral vision he stands up to greet me.

"Sir?"

"Taylor, could you please go downstairs to the car and bring up Mattie's seat?"

"No problem, are you getting to leave soon?" He asks.

"Yeah, Dr. Green is just gathering the paperwork right now; we should be ready to leave within the hour."

With that, he leaves to go down to the SUV and I head back to our maternity suite. Ana has Matty lying on a soft blanket on the bed whilst he wriggles and cries, she's cooing to him whilst trying to get him dressed so I go over to try and distract him.

"Hey little guy, what's with all the noise huh? You've gotta get dressed or we can't go home and your brother and sisters can't wait to meet you, especially you're big brother Teddy, he's never had a brother before and I think he's excited to have another man in the house, no matter how small." His cries quiet as he moves his head to try and find where my voice is coming from.

"I'm here Matty, daddy's right here…" I murmur, as he wraps his hand around my forefinger and grips me tightly. I chuckle when I read the onesie that Ana has put on him, which reads

'If you think I'm cute, you should see my daddy!'

"I love the onesie, it speaks the truth baby!" I murmur, kissing her just below her ear which earns me a low moan from her pouty lips.

"It sure does Mr. Grey!" She giggles.

A few minutes later someone knocks at the door.

"Come in." Ana says, laying Matthew down on the bed and taking his sleep suit out of the bag to put him in once we're ready to go. Taylor comes in with the safest, best car seat that money can buy.

"Just put it down over there Taylor." He nods and places the car seat on the coffee table.

"Are the vultures gone?" I ask, wanting to know if the bastards have kept their word.

"Yep, not a single one in sight. When will you be ready to go?" He asks.

"I don't know… Dr. Green said within the hour so probably in the next twenty minutes or so."

"Well, I'll go back to the waiting room, just give me a call when you're ready and I'll go down and bring the car around to the front." He says and takes his leave.

Ana and I are chatting quietly when Nurse Amelia comes in with the discharge papers. Once everything's been signed I call Taylor to bring the car around. Nurse Amelia comes back with a wheelchair for Ana as its hospital policy and a requirement of discharge. Ana reluctantly gets in and Nurse Amelia wheels her to the exit whilst I carry Matthew in his car seat in one hand and the holdall in the other.

I help Ana into the car whilst Taylor secures Matthew in his car seat. A few moments later we're finally on our way home and neither Ana nor I can get the face splitting grins off our faces. Matthew is sleeping in his seat which is between us and we can't seem to tear our eyes away from his perfection.

"I love you baby boy." I whisper to him, adjusting his hat as it's slipped down and partially covering his eyes.

"And, I love mommy too!" I add, finally managing to tear my gaze from our son. I lean over the car seat and place a gentle kiss on his mother's lips.

"I love you too daddy, so very much." She whispers against my lips. In this moment, I know I couldn't possibly be any happier.

* * *

_This was just a fluffy filler chapter to complete the birth segment. I don't know what hospital policy is in America and I couldn't find any information but in the UK you can leave six hours after giving birth as long as you've had a baby previously, if it's your first then you have to stay in for a few days. _

_Anyway, how do you guys think Olivia is going to react to another baby taking more of her mother's attention? _

_Remember how Olivia was after the kidnapping she was very clingy and demanding and constantly wanted to nurse. How do you guys think Ana will handle it if Olivia reverts back to that behaviour, especially when she sees Ana nursing Matthew! How will Christian cope with his wife being constantly tired and emotionally drained all the time?_

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review as they make me write faster lol! _

_W/L  
-S, xo_


	82. Chapter 82: Welcome Home

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

Eventually we pull up to the gate at the bottom of the long driveway, Jason rolls down the window to input the code before heading up to the house. When it finally comes into view I smile at the massive banner that's hanging over the door which reads

'Welcome home baby Matthew!'

It's obvious that Gracie and Teddy made it which brings a tear to my eye. I'm so damn emotional still, I can honestly say… without reservation that I can't wait until my hormones level out. Christian tells me to stay put as he gets out of the car and comes around to my side, opening the door and helping me step out.

I stand and wait until he unclips Matthew's car seat then we walk hand in hand towards the house whilst Jason takes the car around to the garage. Christian opens the door and together we head into the family room…

*SUPRIZE!*

I stand with my mouth hanging wide open as everyone rushes forward to hug me, my mother right front and center. She pulls me into her arms and kisses my hair over and over again.

"I've missed you so much baby girl!" The last time I seen my parents was when I was released from the hospital over the Allyson debacle.

"I've missed you too mom, and you dad!" I say with tears running down my face in the most unladylike fashion. I'm sandwiched in between my parents as they hold me.

Everyone is here. Teddy, Gracie, Olivia in Kate's arms, Elliot, Ava, Mia, Ethan, Grace, Carrick, Gail, Luke, Lacy and finally Jason walks in the door after parking the car and our family is complete.

"Everyone, I know that some of you are already acquainted but I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of the Grey family… everyone meet Matthew Carrick Grey." Christian announces proudly, my eyes lock onto Carrick as he becomes emotional.

"Come hold your grandson dad!" Christian says thickly and Carrick comes over to us. Christian places the car seat on the table and lifts Matthew into his arms before passing him over to Carrick.

"Hello gorgeous boy." Carrick whispers, kissing his forehead. He stands staring at Matty for a few seconds then walks over and takes a seat on the sofa whilst Christian and I greet the rest of our family.

"Hello baby girl!" I greet Olivia, swooping her into my arms and kissing her chubby cheeks. Aunt Mimi must have decided to give her two high pig tails that resemble two horns but in a totally adorable way.

"Mama, Mimi done" She says with a toothy grin touching her hair.

"Did Auntie Mimi do your hair? It's very pretty!"

"Who dat?" She asks, looking curiously at Matthew who is now in his grandma Graces arms.

"That's Matthew; he's your baby brother."

"Ted?" She asks with a frown recognizing the word brother.

"Yeah, just like Teddy is your brother, Matthew is too." She takes a hold of my face and lands a big, sloppy kiss right on my lips and she tastes rather sweet which mean's someone has given my toddler sugar.

"Have you had candy little girl?" I ask, narrowing my eyes and she giggles.

"No, no tandy." But her eyes are wide and she instantly seeks out her Uncle Elliot's eyes.

"No tandy Lelliot." She holds her hands out and shrugs as if she doesn't know what I'm talking about but a wide smile is all over her face.

"Elliot Grey, have you given my daughter candy?" I ask, meeting his eye which he easily averts his gaze.

"Fall back Liv, retreat from the mother, retreat from the mother!" He whispers conspiratorially which makes Olivia squeal and giggle, wriggling out of my lap and launching herself at her Uncle who easily catches her small body and starts to tickle her mercilessly.

"Don't think I'll be letting this go Uncle Lelliot, you don't need to deal with her hyper butt after you give her candy."

"What's that Livvy, do you hear mommy 'cause I sure don't." I shake my head; he's such a big kid sometimes.

"Mommy, he's soooo cute!" Gracie gushes, pulling herself onto my lap and wrapping her arms around my neck.

"He is isn't he?" I grin, kissing her little nose.

"Mmhm, when can I hold him mommy?" She asks hopefully and pleadingly.

"Sit your butt on the sofa and I'll go get him for you to hold okay baby?"

"Yaaaay, thanks mommy!" She giggles and jumps from my lap and onto the sofa, her little behind bouncing. I quickly get up and go over to Grace who is holding Matthew.

"Grace, someone is excited to meet their little brother and desperately wants to hold him… do you mind?" I ask and she laughs then shakes her head.

"Of course not darling, he's just adorable." She smiles as she transfers him to my arms. I go back over to where Gracie is continuing to bounce on the couch and sit down beside her; she immediately squeals and claps her hands in excitement.

"Listen to mommy for a second okay?"

"Yeah mommy?"

"You have to be really careful with him because he's really small and delicate. Remember when Liv was born, we had to be super careful with her too didn't we?" I murmur, pushing her hair back from her face with my free hand.

"Yeah cuz she was so small and tiny."

"That's right princess, so do you think you can be careful with your little brother and hold him all by yourself because I think you can since you're a whole four years old now?"

"Yeah, I'll be careful mommy, I promise!" She cradles her arms and I gently lower Matthew into them, staying close beside her but not actually touching her or holding Matty.

"Remember to support his head sweetie." I encourage as she beams down at her little brother.

"Mommy he's so small and cute, can I keep him in my room? I'll share my big girl bed with him and give him lots of cuggles." I can't help but giggle at her, she's a sweetheart when she wants to be… but just like her father, she's mercurial.

"He has his own bed baby girl plus he's got to stay with mommy cause I have his milk and he needs that to grow big and strong."

"Otay mommy, I'd still like to keep 'em in my room if you change your mind you know where to find me, but I won't be waiting forever." I stifle my laughter; she's picked up so many of Christian's mannerisms and phrases that he growls into his blackberry.

"I'll keep that in mind princess."

~o0o~

"How are you feeling baby?" Christian asks as he sits down on the bed beside me, wrapping his arm around me and I snuggle into his side.

"I'm good, just a little tired." I answer with a yawn.

"Do you want me to kick everyone out so you can relax a little?" He asks, nuzzling his nose in my hair with a sigh, then trails kisses along my jawline.

"No, I like having the family over—it's fine, I just came in here for something and now I can't remember what it was." He cups my face in his hands and slowly lowers his lips to mine, his tongue tangoing with mine in long languid strokes.

"I love you Mrs. Grey… I'm sure it wasn't important if you forgot about it. I just wanted to come up here and tell you that I absolutely love and adore you…" He averts his gaze from my eyes, slowly trailing down to my chest, his widening in shock. "…and I'm sorry for changing the subject but baby… you're breasts are so fucking huge right now!" I giggle against his mouth and wrap my arms around his neck as we kiss.

"I'm going to have a little feel, test 'em out real quick, just a little… a few seconds or something!" He murmurs against me, and then drops his hands to cup both breasts.

"Holy shit baby, they're the biggest they've ever been, by a lot!" He moans, softly massaging the heavy mounds, circling his thumbs over my nipples.

"Fuck, I really want to taste them but I need to stop because otherwise, I'm going to end up with the world's worst case of blue balls ever!" He groans and screws his eyes up as if he's in pain. I know I'm off the bench completely for the next two weeks, and then I can engage in non-penetration activities but that doesn't mean I can't service my husband's needs.

"Jesus Christ little bro, do you ever leave the poor woman alone? She's just popped your kid out of her vajayjay and you still can't keep your hands to yourself. I mean I get it, I got a real close up view downstairs and they're huge but come on man, leave the girl alone for a few days at least!"

"Fuck off Elliot; number one, you shouldn't just walk into our bedroom and you shouldn't even be looking at the size of my wife's breasts, go pay attention to your own wives breasts, do you see me in your bedroom ogling and commenting on Kate's goods?"

"Dude come on, how can I _not _look at them?" I shake my head and I'm trying really hard not to laugh but it's impossible and I end up laughing so hard that I start to cry.

"You called… you called it a vajayjay? Good god, that's so… juvenile!" I giggle and wipe away my tears

"What did you want me to call it… your Vagina?"

"Can we please completely stop referring to my wife's lady parts now please?" Christian glares at Elliot and he holds his hands up in surrender.

"Okay, Okay… I'm sorry."

"Shut the hell up Elliot and stop bugging your bother and Ana. Jesus I swear it's like I already have two kids!"

"Mama, come thee… come thee my toys!" Olivia toddles over to me and takes my hand as she tries to forcibly pull me from the comfort of my bed.

"Okay sweetie, I'm coming to see your toys. Are you coming too daddy?"

"Nope, daddy has to stay here to fix his tent situation…" He mumbles the last part, which makes me laugh.

"Sure thing daddy, you do that."

"Mama, pway." Olivia squeals as she walks me to her nursery, it's still technically a nursery because she doesn't have a big girl bed yet, not that we haven't purchased a really cool bed for her, we have. She just refuses to sleep in it.

"Mama, wook, Dora." She places her Dora the explorer doll in my lap "Baby."

"Is this your baby Liv?" I ask as she plonks her butt down beside me.

"Mmhm, my baby. Pwetty." She announces as she conveniently pokes her finger in poor Dora's eye.

"She is pretty, just like you're pretty." I say as I kiss her little button nose.

"Mama pwetty too." She giggles, wrapping her arms around my neck and landing a sloppy kiss right on my lips.

"Thank you baby, but I'm not as pretty as you are." I tickle her ribs and she wriggles and giggles in my arms before finally managing to get free.

"Pway Mama."

We play for around forty minutes with her dollies, and with Dora then Christian comes into Liv's nursery with Matthew who is obviously hungry and giving me the newborn wail that screams 'FEED ME'

"Oh dear, someone is a hungry little boy." I say as I get up on my feet.

"Mama, pway." Olivia tugs on my leg to get my attention.

"I need to feed Matthew, but daddy will play with you until I finish okay." I reassure her, twirling one of her pig tails around my fingers, I know that this adjustment isn't going to be easy on her, she's used to being the baby of the family and isn't quite ready to give that up yet.

Christian transfers Matthew into my arms, giving him a kiss on the forehead then grabs Olivia and blows raspberries on her tummy but she doesn't even laugh.

"No, Mama pwaaaaaaaay." Her bottom lip juts out and she begins to rub her eyes as she kicks and cries in Christian's arms. Someone obviously hasn't given her a nap today plus she's had candy… Olivia, no nap and candy is a very bad combination.

"Hey, why are you crying? Daddy is going to play with you and mama will be back in a few minutes sweetheart… oh please don't cry, daddy doesn't like to see your tears." Christian adds in a sad voice whilst kissing her cheeks. I hate, hate, hate when any of them sob like that so I quickly slip out of the room and into Matthew's nursery. I take a seat on the glider and open up my shirt.

"I know little guy, it's coming just give me a second." I rest the forearm that he's lying in on my knee and slightly bounce it to appease him until I manage to unsnap the supposedly 'easy unsnapping' nursing bra.

_Well that was a crock of shit then huh?! _

Eventually I successfully manage to free my breast and he latches instantly, his little arms and legs continuing to wriggle in excitement because he's getting his milk. I grab one of the blankets that are hanging over the railing of his crib and wrap it around him, to make him feel more secure and comfortable whilst he feeds.

"There you go, it's alright baby boy… you must have been hungry huh?" I say in a calming, soothing voice. Once he settles down and relaxes a little I turn my attention outside, watching the boats bobbing on the sound as I rock back and forth. Once he slows, I detach him and prop him up on my shoulder and start patting his back, earning me the most pathetic wail of protest of being separated from my breast.

"You've gotta give the wind up sweetie, you'll feel better… see, you're drawing your legs up and everything. Come on, I know you've got something to give me…" I continue the rub and pat routine until I hear the cutest little wretch and burp.

"There we go, doesn't that feel better?" I ask as I offer him my breast again, he latches but his suckle is rather weak, his eyes are fluttering closed every few seconds and then his mouth goes slack but when I move he gives a strong sucking motion like he's really into it again.

"Jeez, make up your mind." I giggle, running my finger over the length of his nose to encourage him to close his eyes long enough to fall asleep.

After ten minutes of him 'playing around' with my nipple he falls asleep. I get up and move over to the changing table to swaddle him nice and snugly then place him in the bassinette which is currently residing in our bedroom. I flick the monitor on and take its twin then head back downstairs.

When I get to the bottom I hear Liv absolutely sobbing and calling out for me. My heart immediately races and I panic thinking that she has really hurt herself, especially with that painful cry. I run into the family room and she's lying on the floor in the middle of the room kicking her legs, screaming and rubbing her fists against her eyes.

"Ana… " Christian says, at a loss for words to explain why she's got herself in such a state and upon hearing my name she opens her puffy eyes and a new wave of tears make their way down her chubby cheeks.

"Ma-amma—mama." She's hiccupping and her nose is running. I pick her up into my arms and she buries her face into my neck.

"Why was she lying on the floor?" I ask Christian as I take a seat on the sofa with Liv on my lap and I rub her back to soothe her.

"Ana… we tried, we all tried to comfort her but she would just scream all the more for you." He answers with a pained expression, he hates seeing the kids cry just as much as I do, maybe even more. He gets up and leaves the family room rubbing his hands over his face and I know it's because seeing them upset stresses him out.

"Olivia, listen to mommy for a second…" I whisper against her hair, pulling back slightly to look at her tearstained face. I steal a quick kiss from her cheek and then another from her forehead.

"I love you… so, so, very much, you're my baby girl and I love you just as much as I love Ted, Grace and Matthew."

"Mama, lub you too." She reaches up and gives me a kiss before snuggling into my arms and holding onto me tightly. After ten minutes she's sleeping soundly.

"She'll get better with him darling, you just need to give her time to adjust." Grace offers, placing her hand over mine.

"I know, it's just hard to see her like that… I guess it just brings back bad memories. Do you have any advice for me?" I ask with a slight smile, I need someone to tell me how to deal with this.

"Involve her when you're with Matthew, ask her to get you a diaper or to read him a story whilst you nurse, ask her to get his bath stuff ready or to pick out his outfit for the day. She'll feel much more involved. Tell her, that Matty likes her best since she helps take care of him, that kind of thing." Grace smiles and gives me a one-armed squeeze.

"Thanks Grace… I've just never had to deal with two kids under two years old before. Ted was six when Gracie was born and Gracie was almost three when Olivia was born. I guess I just didn't expect her to completely regress into how clingy she was after the attack." I murmur, playing with her socked feet.

"I know sweetie, it's hard but you'll get there. Plus we're all here to support you and to help out when you need a break."

"I… don't know what I'd do or how I'd cope if Christian and I didn't have all of you here to help and support us." I whisper past the gigantic lump that's now lodged in my throat.

"Ana darling, that's what family is for. I know the last eighteen months have been especially hard on you but if you can get through that and still be together, then sweetheart you can get through anything." Grace reassures, wrapping her arm around me and stroking my hair as a few tears unintentionally make their way down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry; I'm an emotional wreck right now." I wipe my eyes and try to pull myself together just as Christian walks back into the room.

"You've just had a baby darling; I think that entitles you to be a little emotional." She says as she squeezes the hand she's holding.

"Baby, why are you crying?" He asks as he sits down beside me and pulls me to his side.

"I'm being stupid and emotional." I giggle through my tears as I wipe them away.

"Mom is right, you've just given birth of course you're going to be emotional and don't ever call yourself stupid, you are not stupid… how can you be when you said yes to being my wife, three times." He smirks at me, kissing the tip of my nose.

"I didn't say yes three times." I shake my head, wiping a few of the excess rouge tears.

"You did, I asked you in the great room of Escala, but you didn't say yes. Then I asked you after Charlie Tango, I asked you at my parents and I asked you in New York… which means that you in fact said yes three times Mrs. Grey." He announces smugly so I elbow him in the ribs.

"Ow, baby… you wound me." He feigns hurt and I shake my head.

"Can you please take her upstairs, she didn't get a nap today and someone who shall remain nameless gave her candy which is why she had that freak-out." I say to Christian pointedly for Elliot.

"Elliot Grey, I specifically told you not to give that baby candy." Kate growls at him then slaps him on the thigh.

"Ahh… babe, I swear I'm a battered husband."

"You think that now; just wait until I get your as-butt home." Christian chuckles to himself as he carefully lifts Olivia from my lap and takes her upstairs.

The monitor is sitting beside me on the end table when the lights go on and off and Teddy's voice comes out of the built in speaker. I quickly grab the remote and hit the mute button so I can hear what he's saying.

"_Hey Matty, I know you're asleep but I figured I'd come say hi anyway. I didn't really get the chance when you were downstairs since the girls hogged you. Anyway, I'm your big brother. You don't know how happy I am to finally have another guy around this house. I swear little dude, our sisters will drive you as crazy as they drive me. Oh, and just to let you in on a little secret, if Gracie ever lures you into her room on the promise of candy, run the opposite direction—she'll pin you down and paint your nails, thank goodness Uncle Jason launched his search and rescue mission when he did or I was done for, she had the lipstick primed and ready for use!" _ I hear him shudder over the monitor and we all giggle at the conversation he's having with Matthew, it's incredibly sweet. He's such a good kid, Christian comes back into the room and looks at us as if we're crazy so I pat the sofa beside me and he takes a seat when we hear Ted's voice come through the monitor once more.

"_So yeah, I know we can't do much yet and I'm always going to be ten whole years older than you but when you're bigger we can play catch, you can come to games with me and dad, as long as you're a Mariners fan; which you will be, I'll make sure of it. Anyways, I just wanted to introduce myself and I promise to protect you from all the crazy girls, always little dude. _

_Hey, maybe if I'm lucky mom will let me hold you tomorrow or something? After all, she did let Gracie hold you, poor little dude! Well, I am gonna get back to my Xbox but if you need anything just scream real loud, I'm sure they'll hear you or at least I will and I can go get mom or dad to help you out or somethin'. I do love you already little dude, laters." _I can't believe I'm crying, damn hormones. Christian has a really proud grin over his face, much the same as everyone else. Teddy really is an amazing kid.

"I can't believe he went in there and said all that stuff to Matthew." Christian murmurs, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Oh my god, he's so sweet." Mia laughs, brushing away a tear of her own. I snuggle into Christian's arms and he kisses my hair.

"We got really lucky with Teddy, he's such a good big brother to the girls and he's already being great with Matthew and he does it all on his own. It's not forced he just does it because he cares." I say as I wipe my eyes.

"I know baby, he's a great kid." I nod my agreement and my eyes begin to droop.

"Everyone, I think it's time we leave. Ana's practically falling asleep on the spot." I open my eyes and shake my head, feeling guilty.

"No, no I'm fine, I'm sorry that was rude of me. I'm awake." I say but the yawn I give at the end of my sentence ruins it.

"Baby, you need some rest." I know its pointless arguing with him so I just nod my agreement.

"We'll see you on Sunday, if not before then anyway Ana dear." We always try and spend Sunday's over at Grace and Carrick's, everyone meets there for dinner. That way the kids get to play with their cousin and have fun whilst we catch up with whatever's gone on with everyone's week.

"Yeah, we'll definitely be there on Sunday, we wouldn't miss it for the world mom." Christian says as he gives Grace a hug.

"You get some sleep Ana; let my son run after the kids while you rest." Carrick chuckles as he gives me a quick hug.

"I think I may just do that, until Matty wakes up anyway." I smile as he pulls away and I'm passed to someone else's arms.

We say our goodbyes and stand at the front door with Ted and Grace as our family gets in their cars and drive off towards the gate. Once we go back inside Ted and Grace take off to their bedrooms to play before dinner.

Christian takes me upstairs to our bedroom and quickly undresses me before slipping one of his t-shirts over my head and tucks me into bed.

"You need to get some rest baby; Matty will be up soon to eat so you need to sleep when he sleeps. I don't want you to get sick." Christian says, conscious of the fact that our newborn is sleeping in the room.

"Stay with me, just until I fall asleep." I ask with a pout.

"Side over then." He sighs and shakes his head with a smirk. He shuffles out of his shoes and slides in beside me. I take my place at his side with my head on his chest and my leg hooked in between his.

"Get some sleep baby." He murmurs as he lightly strokes my back soothing me until I drift into a contented sleep.

* * *

_I hope you liked the chapter; Olivia wasn't too impressed to having Matthew around was she? I'm getting back into my groove again in regards to updating more quickly. I should have something else for you in the next few days, maybe even a one-sided lemon included since Ana can't really be an active participant yet lol!_

_Please, Please, Please review… your thoughts inspire me to continue, especially the really long reviews with lots of detail on what you liked and didn't like. I love the short ones as well, even if it's only a few words._

_W/L  
-S, xo_


	83. Chapter 83: Just let it all go

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

I'd just tucked Teddy into bed, telling him how much I loved him and how amazing he was at being a big brother. Grace had been put to bed an hour earlier since Ted was ten he got to stay up for an extra hour. On the way to Olivia's nursery I popped my head around Gracie's door to check on her, she's sprawled out on the bed with the duvet wrapped around her ankle and her hair splayed all over her face. So I go in and unravel the duvet from her ankle, pulling it up and tucking her in. I push her hair away from her face and give her a kiss on the forehead as she sleeps peacefully. I head into Liv's room and she's lying on her front with her head turned to the side and her blanket snuggled around her. I stroke her back and move her curls out of her face before grabbing her monitor and make the trip back to our bedroom.

Matthew is wide awake and lying in the middle of our king size bed with Christian watching him, a big smile on his face as Matty wriggled and kicked his little legs.

"Baby, I don't think he's tired at all. You get some sleep and I'll sit up with him." Christian offers, kissing my cheek as I sit down on my side of the bed.

"I slept for a couple of hours after everyone left. Trust me I'm not tired right now." I stroke his face and kiss his soft lips feeling the scratch his stubble left on my chin.

"Okay, I just want to make sure you aren't overdoing yourself, but if you're saying you feel fine then that's good enough for me baby." He finishes with one of his famous panty-dropping grins.

_Oh my! Such a gorgeous chunk of man meat. _

Matthew starts to grunt and whimper, his wails getting louder as his arms and legs wriggle with impatience.

"I think someone wants some my beautiful breasts. It's okay son, I'll share 'em with you but just remember that eventually they'll be off limits to you." Christian says as he picks Matty up and places him in my arms. He does his usual routine, opening me up and freeing my breast before guiding Matty to my nipple. Christian gets up and leaves the room only to return a few moments later with a couple of story books, including 'Guess how much I love you' then sits down beside us, stroking Mattie's fine hair before starting to read the story in a melodic, soothing voice.

_"Little nut brown hare who was going to bed, held on tight to big nut brown hare's very long ears. He wanted to be sure that big nut brown hare was listening…"_

I detached Matty from my breast just as Christian finished the story. I propped him up onto my shoulder to see if he had any wind, rubbing and patting his little back until I heard a very satisfying burp come from within our son. I gave him my breast once more and he continued to drink hungrily until he turned his head away from me just as Christian finished the second story book that he'd read to us whilst I fed our son.

Christian took a very sleepy Matthew from my arms and laid him down on the soft blue blanket that was lying on our bed. I've always preferred to use soft, fleecy blankets whenever our children are lying down as I don't want anything, like rough fabric to irritate their skin. Christian changes his diaper, and then swaddled him nice and tightly, rocking him gently until his eyes flutter shut and stays that way. Once he was sure Matty was sound asleep, Christian got up and walked around to my side of the bed to place him in the bassinette.

Christian grabs his pyjama bottoms and changes into them, shirtless with the perfect pronounced 'V' of his groin on show. He looks up, catching me staring at his body.

"See anything you like Mrs. Grey?" He smirks at me.

"Oh definitely, right now I'd love nothing more than to pin you to this bed and give you the ride of your life but since I'm outta commission it's out of the question." I say and Christian groans, a low rumble in his chest which leaves me trying to hide my smirk.

"Fuck baby, you can't just say stuff like that, especially when I'm not allowed to be intimate with you for another two weeks, then another four weeks until I can envelop you around me all day."

"Aww poor Christian can't get any." I mock-pout, causing Christian to then mock, my mocking of him. He slides into bed beside me and motions for me to turn around, probably to spoon. I comply then he pulls me back into him and I snuggle down, my behind rubbing on a very hard something that resides between my husband's legs.

"Not funny Ana… now I'm going to have to go to sleep with a solid erection." He grumbles, fidgeting to get comfortable and repositioning himself.

"Turn around the other way and I won't be able to annoy you with my ass." He grumps and groans as he turns around and I slide up behind him, wrapping my arm around his waist and press my breasts against his back. I almost want to giggle.

"Yeah 'cause that's so much better!" He mutters sarcastically.

"Shh… relax baby, you need your rest." I whisper, and then press a kiss to his shoulder, then another and another.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" He asks in a strained voice which makes me smile against his skin.

"What do you think I'm doing?" I ask, running my other hand over his defined abs, lower and lower until I find the waistband of pyjamas and boxer-briefs.

"Ana, we can't. You've just given birth and I could hurt you… we can't, as much as I want to, and fuck believe me when I say I want to, we can't." He groans, shoving his face into the pillow. I kiss his back, all the way up to his neck, then move upwards to just below his ear and bite down on the lobe.

"Remember when I first woke up in the hospital and we were moved into the really great recovery suite, do you remember what I did, how much it helped and how good I made you feel even though I couldn't be with you in that way just yet?" I whisper, leaving wet, sucking kisses on his neck.

"Yeah I remember… ughh Ana." He groans as I palm his rock hard length over his boxer-briefs.

"Do you want me to make you feel good and relaxed sweetheart?" I ask, rubbing my palm all over his length.

"God yes…" He moans, his hips thrusting forward into my hand. "Whoa Ana wait… Matthews in the room!" He pants, turning around to face me and lays his lips over mine.

"I can't… not when he's in the room Ana." His expression clouds over and I see the pain reflected in his eyes as he relives horrific childhood memories that no one should ever have to suffer and to be perfectly honest I forgot that our infant son was in the room with us.

"I'm sorry… I forgot he was in here with us; let's go to the guest room for a bit. We'll take the monitors with us sweetheart." I whisper, my forehead resting against his.

"I just... I know he's only a baby and doesn't understand what we're doing, and I didn't either, not at the time but later on, I knew and it still makes me sick." His voice is so pained that I feel my eyes tearing up.

"Shh… its okay, I'm okay. Please don't cry baby I promise I'm okay." He murmurs, placing sweet kisses under my eyes to catch my tears.

"Let's go to the guest room, I have a rock hard dick and I need you to make it better." He whispers with a smirk, nuzzling his face into my neck which makes me giggle quietly. I never thought I'd ever see the day when I'd welcome a 180 degree mood swing. He pulls me up and we pad down the hall into one of the many guest rooms. I take his hand and lead him over to the bed, my mouth starts watering as my eyes lock onto his length straining against the cotton of his pyjamas and boxer-briefs.

I push him down onto the bed and straddle his hips, quickly removing my nightgown and throwing it to the side. His eyes widen as he takes in the sight of my naked, massive breasts.

"Jesus baby… I love your breasts; they're so… big and full." He reaches up and cups them gently, being careful of their sensitivity. I lean down, capturing his lips in a heated kiss as my nipples ghost over his defined chest. I leave hot, wet kisses along his jaw and down onto his neck as my hand reaches down and palms his length, earning me a loud groan of pure pleasure.

"Do you like that baby; do you like it when I take you in my hand and make you feel good?" I ask as my tongue traces around one of his nipples, before nibbling it with my teeth causing Christian to hiss.

"Fuck yes baby, you make me feel so good." He pants, his eyes rolling back in his head as his hips thrust up into my hand. I hook my thumbs into his pyjama's pulling them and his boxer-briefs down his legs in one quick motion before tossing them to the side. I kiss my way down his chest, pausing to kiss the skin right above his heart then continue my path over his abs and further down to his 'V'.

"This is the sexiest muscle on your body." I meet his eyes as my fingertip traces the line on both sides.

"Really?" He asks with a smirk.

"Mmhm, I'm so wet form just looking at this…" I lean down, repeating the movement with the tip of my tongue rather than my finger.

"Fuck baby, I need you… god I need you so badly right now." He groans, panting with his heart racing and his eyes closed.

"I want you to watch me, open those eyes and watch me fuck you with my mouth." I command, his eyes flutter open as I flatten my tongue on the underside of his length.

"Mmm Ana." I fist the thick root, pumping up and down as I take the head and envelop it in my mouth, swirling my tongue around and around as Christian thrusts upwards.

I clamp my mouth around him, sheathing my teeth as I hollow my cheeks and bob up and down until I take all of him into my throat. He gasps and groans as his hands make their way into my hair, controlling my movement and thrusting up into my mouth.

"Fuck… take me, all of me, fuck baby that feels so good." He pants, his movements quickening in pace and urgency. I flutter my tongue over his length, licking the pre-come that's bursting out of his engorged head.

I pull him out of my mouth, pumping him with my hand as I stare up at him through hooded eyes. I am so horny right now, I'm throbbing and so wet but this is for him, I want to do this for him, to take care of his needs.

"Do you like it when I lick you Christian? Hmm… does it feel good when you fuck my mouth?" I ask, fluttering my lashes as I pump up and down his rod of pure steel.

"Ughhh… talk to me baby, fuck talk dirty… you're my dirty, naughty, sexy wife." I bite my lower lip before leaning down and kissing the head of his erect length, its bright red and screaming for attention.

"I love fucking you with my mouth, especially running my wet tongue all over the thick and exposed veins." I murmur. I maintain eye contact as I lean down and lick along every throbbing vein. His face is flushed and his jaw is taught with tension, I know he's trying to resist coming to make this last longer so I double my efforts.

"I want to slide down on your cock so bad right now, I want to take you so deep inside me and feel you echo my every movement." I bite my lip before opening up wide and sucking on him hard.

"Don't stop… I'm so… I'm so close baby, shit!" He moans low in his throat which spurs me on. I sheath my teeth and clamp around him, sucking harder and faster as I pump my hand up and down the thick root.

"Right there baby… suck me, take it all Ana… take it fucking all!" He growls, his hands are in my hair, pushing and pulling me up and down as he thrusts forcefully into my mouth. I feel him starting to tense up so I bare my teeth and drag them all the way up his length as he pulls out of my mouth before thrusting back in and coming in thick streams down my throat.

"Fuck, shit… fuuuuck baby! I'm comin' take it… swallow it all baby!" His voice strained continuing to thrust into my mouth, rubbing out the rest of his orgasm as I milk and willingly take all that he can give. I lick his length clean, revelling in every shudder and shake that I draw from his body. I pull him out of my mouth with a satisfying pop as he pants with his eyes closed. I crawl up his body, leaving wet kisses the entire way; I nestle into his arms, with my head tucked under his chin as he strokes his fingertips up and down my back.

"Feel better?" I ask, humor evident in my voice.

"Much, much better baby… I feel bad though—I know how much it turns you on when I fuck your mouth and there's nothing I can do to make you feel good." He sighs, continuing to trace patterns on my skin.

"Christian… I'm not going to lie and say that I don't want you to touch me and make me feel good right now but that's not why I just did that… I wanted to get rid of the tension you've carried around since my water broke. I thoroughly enjoyed what we just did. Christian, I promise you that I'm more than happy to go back to our bed and sleep with your arms around me until morning." He sighs happily, holding onto me a little more tightly.

"Ana… I honestly don't know what I did to deserve someone like you, a wife like you. I love you so much baby." He tilts my face up to his and moves his lips with mine, against mine with such reverence and love. The kiss is slow, deep, passionate, and filled with love which makes my heart thud with emotion. He kisses me until we pull apart gasping for air and our lips are swollen. His thumb traces along my lower lip, and then leans down to kiss the tip of my nose and peck my lips once more. He shakily stands up, his legs still trembling from the force of his orgasm which makes me giggle with glee.

"I swear baby, one of these days you're going to kill me with that dirty mouth of yours." He smirks at me as he pulls me up; helping me with my nightgown then pulls his pyjama bottoms on commando. He takes my hand and leads me back to our bedroom with both baby monitors in one hand.

I check on Matthew in his bassinette, listening to his grunts and soft breaths as he sleeps. I resist the urge to kiss his forehead and slip into bed. Christian gets in beside me and pulls me to his chest, front to front. I tuck my head under his chin as he rubs my back and kisses my hair.

"I love you Mrs. Grey, you always know what I need before I even know how much I need it." I kiss his chest with my hand over his heart.

"Well it's good to know that I'm doing my job as your wife." I mumble sleepily and feel his smile against my hair as his hands thrum up and down my back, lulling me into a deep sleep.

~o0o~

"Hey, hey, hey it's alright… I'm getting mommy little man, its okay." I hear Christian's voice but it sounds so distant. I feel the bed dip while I'm trying to convince my eyes that we won't die if they open.

Christian unhooks the shoulder strap of my nightgown, allowing the top to reveal my breasts.

"Mommy's still really tired little guy but its okay—we'll let her sleep and daddy will hold you so you can get fed." I feel Christian's large hand take my breast and Matthew's tiny mouth seals around my nipple, suckling strongly. I open my eyes a little bit, the only light coming from the dimmed bedside lamp so it must be really late or early, depending on your view point.

"What time is it?" I croak sleepily.

"Shh… it's late, just go back to sleep, I've got him covered." Christian whispers, kissing my forehead. I'm lying on my side, and Christian is lying facing me with Matthew still swaddled in his blue blanket between us, Christian's hand is under his head lifting and supporting him as he drinks hungrily.

"Mkay…" I mumble as I yawn. I slide my arm underneath Matthew, holding and cocooning him to me with his head resting in the crook of my elbow. I close my eyes but I can't seem to fall back asleep, conscious of the fact that my infant son is in my arms and even though Christian is watching to make sure I don't roll over him, I'm still apprehensive.

"It's no use, I can't sleep with him like this, I'm just too scared that I'll roll on him." I murmur opening my eyes to find my husband sprawled out, lying on his tummy with his chin resting on his crossed arms watching our son feed with an awed expression.

"I sometimes wish that my mom had a different life… that she would have been able to nurse me as a baby and love and protect me in the way you do with our children." He whispers with a slightly pained expression.

"Christian… you're mother, Ella did love you and in the end she protected you the only way she could. I promise, she loved you, I felt it baby." I say as I stare into his watery eyes and he nods, averting his gaze as he clears his throat and wipes his eyes.

"Sweetheart, you don't have to hide the fact that you're upset and crying from me, I'm here for you just as you are for me… I promise. It's okay to cry sometimes." I murmur as a few tears slip from his eyes. I sit up and lean against the headboard, motioning him to come over to me. He scoots up the bed, laying his head in my lap; I run my free hand through his hair as he cries. Christian wraps his arm around my waist as I feel his tears soak through the silk of my nightgown.

"I'm here baby, just let it out. It's okay… it's okay." I feel my eyes well up and I bite down on my lip to stop the sob escaping my throat. A little while later a sleeping Matthew's lips relax around my nipple and his head turns away from me. I fix my nightgown and thankfully the bassinette is within arms-reach. I lay him down, tucking his blanket around him and concentrate on Christian.

"Come here baby…" I whisper, he moves up my body, I run my hands over his naked back and a shuddering sob he's been holding back escapes his chest. He sobs and sobs against me and I just hold onto him tightly, trying to give him all the comfort I can.

"A-na… I just, why did he hurt her?" He whispers against my chest, his arms are wrapped tightly around my waist with his face resting on my breasts.

"I don't know why sweetheart, but I do know that she's so happy where she is, she watches over us and the children; she has peace and loves you so very much." I murmur, my lips pressing against his soft hair.

"I'm happy that she's happy but I just wish that she didn't have to go through all that she did. If someone had just helped her, seen that she was just a young girl in trouble, she didn't have to die like that Ana… she didn't have to lie in an dirty apartment for four days if someone had just opened their eyes and seen that she needed help."

"I know, you're right… and as much that I wish we could, we can't change the past. Just know that she's with us right now, she's right beside you telling you just how much she loves you Christian, and she never stopped loving you. She's so proud of the man you've become, we all are." I whisper emotionally.

_Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry! He needs you to be strong right now._

"It's alright… I'm here baby, I'm right here." I rock him slightly, feeling his tears drip from his skin to mine.

"I'm s-sorry… you don't need this sh-it right now!" He leans up a little and wipes his eyes. I take his face in my hands and wipe away the remaining tears with my thumbs.

"Never, never apologize for telling me how you feel, never apologize for showing me that you need me to comfort you Christian. I'm your wife, you comfort and reassure me all the time, you're such an amazing husband and father, you're always here for us when we need you so please let me be here for you." I stare into his bloodshot, watery eyes and try to make him see just how sincere I am right now.

"I love you so, so much Christian Grey and don't you ever forget that." I whisper through the lump in my throat, my eyes blurring with unshed tears.

"I l-love you too Ana, so much." I nod, my hands still around his beautiful face and my heart is breaking for him. I pull him closer, laying my lips against his in a searing kiss of love and understanding with tears streaming from my eyes.

"Shh, don't cry baby. I hate seeing you cry." He whispers, leaving chaste kisses under my eyes.

"I hate seeing you cry too but sometimes you just have to let go and let it all out." He nods his understanding, kissing me once more.

"I'm starting to understand that sentiment now." He murmurs, his fingertips ghosting over my shoulder.

"Do you feel better?" I ask, my eyes getting a little tired but I blink the heaviness away.

"I actually do feel… a little lighter. Baby, you can barely keep your eyes open and your body needs as much rest as possible when you're making milk for our son. Let's get some sleep; we can talk more in the morning."

"Promise?"

"I promise Ana." He moves back over to his own side of the bed, turning me over onto my side then pulls me back against his chest. He kisses the back of my shoulder, moving towards my neck, leaving little searing kisses in his wake. I close my eyes and snuggle against the warmth his body provides. A few moments later I feel his leg nudge against mine, hooking it's way between them then his hand makes its way to cup my breast, he hums as his hand gently adjusts to the new size and we both fall asleep wrapped up completely in the other.

* * *

_I seem to be on a bit of a roll, this chapter crept up on me and I just went with it. I always felt that Christian would have slightly 'mommy worshiped' Ana, especially when it came to nursing. The upcoming subject matter was briefly touched on in the original trilogy and on a few different FanFiction stories and I want to know how you guys, my awesome readers would feel about me incorporating it into the story?_

_Let me know you're views in your reviews, it'd really help finding out your differing opinions on the subject of 'Husband nursing' lol. Not that it'd be a regular thing, just a random event that could happen during sex once or twice in the future, obviously when sex is back on the table!_

_With a great deal of love and affection  
-Susie, xo_


	84. Chapter 84: A little family fun!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

* * *

The past two weeks haven't been easy; I'm exhausted. Matthew is a wonderful, contented, happy baby who rarely cries except when he's hungry; needing changed or wants a cuddle from either Christian or Teddy.

Ted has really bonded with Matt, he takes his 'big brotherly' duties very seriously, he even asks to change his little brothers diaper, as long as it's just a wet one, he blatantly refuses if he's the slightest bit stinky. It's hysterical watching Ted's expressions and gagging noises as I change Mattie's dirty diapers.

Olivia on the other hand, is still very clingy and doesn't want to be anywhere near Matthew, nor does she want him anywhere near me. She just keeps repeating 'my mama' over and over again. I have tried to include her in Matt's routine but she isn't interested one iota.

"Livy baby, come see mama real quick?" I call out to her. She's sitting on the floor in the prettiest dress, playing with pretend cell phone.

"Mama?" She holds the phone to her ear with a frown "Mmhm mama' I can't help but giggle at her apparent conversation with me on her plastic cell phone.

"Liv let's make some lunch sweetheart." She turns around and grins at me before using the coffee table to pull herself up and toddles over to me. Matthew is lying peacefully on top of a soft blanket in his swing; he watches the mobile that's spinning in front of him with fascination as he swings back and forth at a very slow pace.

"Let's get some food in your belly. Do you want a PBJ sandwich?" I ask her as I hold her on my hip.

"Nao." She answers with a shake of her head, her curly pig tails swinging from side to side.

"Hmm… how about some noodles? You like noodles in tomato sauce."

"Nooples." She giggles with a wide grin showing off her perfect pearly whites.

"Are you going to sit in your chair with a toy while mama makes us lunch?" I ask her and she nods her agreement. I lower her into the special breakfast bar high chair that we had made for Ted when we first moved in here. I pull her legs through the holes and fasten the straps so that she's safe and secure.

"What toy do you want?" I ask her as I kiss her forehead.

"Dora and pffone."

"So you want your Dora dolly and your cell phone little lady?" I giggle as I tickle her ribs which gain me squeals and giggles of delight. I go back to the family room grabbing her toys and give them to her. She's staring at the phone like it's the hardest puzzle she's ever faced. She seems to have inherited the annoying 'v' on my brow when I'm thinking or as Christian calls it when I'm 'over thinking'. I quickly grab her Sippy cup of milk and give her a few carrot sticks to snack on whilst I make us some lunch.

I head on over to the pantry, grabbing a can of chopped tomatoes and the spaghetti. I go into the fridge and grab a pack of bacon, an onion, a few cloves of garlic, some mushrooms and celery. I quickly chop, peel and prepare our ingredients before grabbing a frying pan and the bottle of olive oil. I add a generous splash of oil and let the pan heat up a little before tossing in the finely chopped onions and garlic to the pan.

The aroma from the onions and garlic makes my mouth water in anticipation of this delicious lunch I'm making. Once I've let the onions and garlic 'sweat' I add the chopped up bacon, mushrooms and celery into the pan, the kitchen is filled with the sounds and gorgeous scent of good food. Christian and I have been very lucky with our children. They have good appetites; they'll eat anything and love veggies. I don't know how Christian would cope if any of the kids were fussy eaters and thankfully, as of now—we'll never have to find out.

I add the chopped tomatoes and turn the pan down to simmer so that the sauce will reduce then add the pasta to the pan of boiling water, and put a loaf of garlic bread in the oven.

I suddenly realise that Olivia has been rather quiet and I can't help but giggle when I turn around. She's crashed out, her little head resting on the plastic tray with a half-eaten carrot in one hand and a totally drained Sippy up in the other. I lift her from the high chair and lay her down in her playpen in the family room and tuck her in with her favourite blankie.

I'm standing doing dishes whilst I wait for lunch to be ready when I feel two familiar arms wrap around my waist and a very familiar chest against my back.

"Mmm, something smells good baby." He whispers, kissing my neck. I cannot wait until the kids are asleep tonight; I need some time and attention paid to my lady parts.

_Yeah, we need a special O, just for us._

"Lunch is almost ready, how did your meeting go?" I ask as I turn in his hold, drying my hands on the dish towel then wrap them around his neck.

"My meeting went fine baby, those douches came into that boardroom and forgot who they were dealing with, I handed them their asses and they knew who was in control by the time they left." He chuckles, leaning down and kissing me deeply.

"Mmm, I think someone is feeling a little… horny." He whispers against my neck as his hands knead my behind.

"I want and need you so badly it's not even funny. I want you inside me though Christian. I was thinking… since I did so well during delivery and didn't need any stitches, maybe we can have sex sooner than six weeks. I scheduled an appointment with Doctor Greene for some baby friendly contraception, I know how much you hate those 'fuckers'" I say with a grin. "I figured that I'd ask her about the six week thing at that appointment." He smirks down at me, running his hand under the back of my t-shirt and stroking my bare skin with his large, hot hand.

"I want that hand across my ass; I want you to spank me tonight, so badly." I whisper with a giggle when he sucks in a breath through his clenched teeth.

"Shit baby, you're killing me… if my delectable wifey wants a spanking, then a spanking she shall get." He says then illustrates his point by laying a hard slap on my ass, it's so unexpected and… hot.

"Don't get me started Christian Grey or I'll pull you upstairs by your tie and have my wicked way with you, regardless of what the doctor orders."

"Okay… point taken." He laughs, kissing my forehead before he lets me go. I check the pasta, it's nice and soft, usually Christian and I like it al dente but the kids prefer it soggy. I suppose I could cook a separate batch for us but it's too much messing around. I dish up for Christian and I then get a bowl for Olivia, spooning some spaghetti into her bowl and chop it into inch long pieces with kitchen scissors before ladling some sauce over the top and mix it together then leave it to cool beside the fridge for when she wakes up.

Christian and I sit at the table, enjoying the delicious lunch I prepared.

"This is amazing baby, I knew there was a reason I married you." Christian comments as he twirls the pasta on his fork and hums as he chews.

"You mean other than love, and thank you, I'm glad you like it. Here have another piece of this garlic bread." I place the round slices onto his plate before kissing the tomato sauce away from his cheek.

"The love was a given, the food… is an added perk."

"That was the corniest thing you have ever said to me Christian Grey!" I retort with a giggle and he smirks at me from across the table. I'm almost finished my lunch when Matthew starts crying, he's obviously woken up from his nap and needs his milk.

I wipe my mouth with my napkin and move to get up from the table.

"I'll get him baby, finish your lunch." Christian says as he stands up, he's nowhere near finished his own plate of food.

"It's okay; I'll get him and feed him in my wrap so I can finish my lunch." I get up as Christian sits back down and digs in. I lift him from his swing and check on Olivia, thankful that she's still asleep. I've only nursed Matty in front of her once, but the tantrum she threw was ridiculous and I'm very hesitant to get into another situation like that, which is probably the wrong thing to do but its simper to avoid unnecessary conflict. I put on my wrap and place him inside whilst I walk back to the kitchen, he's still crying and nuzzling his face at my breast.

"I know sweetie, it's coming… oh don't cry baby boy, it's okay." I try to console him as I take a seat at the table. I open my shirt and guide him to my breast, to which he latches eagerly, guzzling his milk. I make sure he's comfortable before letting him go and start eating my meal again.

"I missed you today, I hate being away from you and the kids Ana, and sometimes I wish that I could just give it all up and spend all my time with you and our babies." He reaches over and takes my hand, giving me a firm squeeze.

_Poor fifty._

"I hate you being away from us, but you love your work, GEH is your baby too." I say with a smile and Christian chuckles. "Plus, I'd give you a couple of weeks, you'd have no hair left from pulling at it twenty-four-seven and you'd be fighting me to get out the door."

"Probably… hey, when did you get so smart?"

"4.0 grade point average remember, I've always been smart Mr. Grey, after all… I did say yes to be your wife three times." I retort with a wink, repeating his words from a few weeks ago.

Once we've finished lunch, Olivia wakes up and Christian sits her in her highchair and feeds her, if we let her feed herself, her pretty white sundress would be ruined.

"Mmm." She hums in delight as she chews.

"Is it yummy princess? Did mommy make us a nice lunch?" He asks her but she's too interested in when the next forkful is coming which makes Christian and I chuckle. Matthew is sleeping in my wrap as I tidy up the family room. Christian is always complaining at me for cleaning up the house because that's what he pays Gail for. He doesn't understand how much Gail's role within our family has changed over the years. I'll have to talk to him about it tonight, after the wonderful O he's going to give me, I clench in delight just at the thought of those wonderful lips caressing my most sensitive parts.

Christian and I are sitting in the family room. Matthew is in his bouncy chair and Olivia is sitting on her daddy's lap watching Dora when Ted and Gracie arrive home from school and Gracie joined Ted at Seattle Waldorf, Briar Rose campus this year in their Kindergarten program. This reminds me that we have to head down there with a check for both of their tuition fees for the year.

"Hey mommy." Gracie shouts as she runs into the family room, launching herself at me with kisses and her special cuggles.

"How was kindergarten love bug?" I ask her, twirling her ponytail around my fingers. Her hair is almost hanging to her waist, I can't bear to cut it… not that Christian would allow it to be cut anyways.

"It was okay; I played with Alexia today mommy. Lexi askid me to go to her house to play on Saturday, she asked her mommy and she said I could if you said yes, can I please go mommy?"

"Gracie baby, we don't even know Alexia or her parents so you can't go to her house to play until we know her and her parents a little sweetheart, daddy needs you safe." Christian says, leaning across to kiss her but she's pouting.

"But daddy please, she's in my class and I play wif her all the time. Please daddy, please can I go?" She clasps her hands, her fingers weaving together and begs.

"Phoebe Grace, I said no. Not until we've met her, and her parents. I can't let you go to someone's house that I don't know. I need you to be safe sweetheart." Christian reiterates. Oh boy, I can tell this is going to be a fight already and she's just came home.

"Fine. I'm going to play in my room." She says in a disappointed, dejected voice then slides off my lap and leaves the family room wiping her eyes.

_I think I'm in shock, no shouting or hysterical crying fits?_

"What just happened?" Christian asks, looking at me with a frown.

"You said no and she accepted it without a fight… I think?"

"Hmm. That's good right?" He murmurs and I can't help my giggle.

"Yeah… I guess so but she is upset about it." I caress his arm and Olivia snuggles into Christian's chest.

"I think you're tired button…" He says to Olivia, kissing her hair and covering her with the soft pink blankie. It's not long before she's sleeping. Christian carries her upstairs and lay's her down in her crib whilst I go up with Matty to change his diaper.

I lay him down on his changing table, quickly stripping his lower half and removing the wet diaper.

"Oh I know you don't like getting your diaper changed, do you baby boy?" I say as I change him, trying to soothe him with the sound of my voice.

"What 'ya doing little dude, I heard you cryin' all the way downstairs little guy." Ted lets Matty hold onto his forefinger and rubs his thumb over Mattie's hand which calms his cries almost immediately.

"I think I may keep you off school to be my personal babysitter until Mattie's like… ten years old, what do you think of that idea Ted?" I say as he takes over changing his little brother.

"I'd prefer to hang out with the little dude instead of going to school with all those girls. It's not funny mom, they're always swooning and giggling around me, it's annoying." He moans as he pulls up Mattie's baby jeans, which are just cotton pants with a denim effect.

"That's better huh little dude, you prefer Ted don't 'ya buddy?" Matty is gurgling happily and moving his head to find the source of Ted's voice.

"Come on Matthew; let's go downstairs you can sit with Ted for a bit." I pick him up and hold him against my chest with one hand cupping his head as we go down with Matthew's favourite person in the whole world.

I pass Matthew over to Teddy when the phone rings; I quickly go over and answer it, keeping my eyes on the boys.

"Hello, Ana speaking?" I answer in my best telephone voice. In this house, you never know who is going to call and it could well be one of Christian's important contacts.

"Hello dear, it's Grace. I was just calling to see how things are going with the kids, especially so with Liv?"

"Hey Grace, the kids are fine and Olivia is… just the same as she was last Sunday over at your house." Last week when we went for our weekly family dinner, Olivia threw a major tantrum resulting in Christian putting her in time out for what was originally supposed to be two minutes but ended up turning into thirty because she kept getting up from the naughty step and hitting out at Christian because he wouldn't let her get to me whilst I was feeding Matthew upstairs. It was awful.

"Last week was particularly trying, have you tried getting her involved again?" She asks, her tone is that of complete understanding which is what I need at the moment, someone to vent my worries to, who won't judge me or force their opinions down my throat.

"I've tried and tried. Each time I'm with him she just starts crying and screaming 'my mama' over and over. It's driving me crazy, I mean… I thought she'd at least be warming up to him by now but she shows absolutely no interest whatsoever. Grace, I need to ask your advice about something?" I ask, needing to know her thoughts on the matter.

"Well ask away darling and I'll try my best to help you."

"Whenever I've been nursing Matty, I've made sure Olivia hasn't been present because you know what we went through trying to wean her off after the attack and with her acting out because of Matthew I figured it would just make things worse in regards to throwing tantrums. Then a few nights ago Christian was playing with her in her nursery and didn't know I was feeding Matt in our bedroom and let Olivia come in while I was in the middle of nursing him and you can imagine how well that went."

"Oh dear, what happened?" She asks, her voice saddened.

"Well, she pitched a massive fit. Christian swoops her into his arms and left the room but she started screaming for me, he took her back into her bedroom and closed the door whilst she was on the floor kicking and screaming to the point where she started clawing at her own face in pure temper. She has three scratches on one cheek and two on the other. Once I'd put Matt down for his nap and Christian got Liv to calm down I went in to have some one-on-one time with her and I couldn't believe she'd actually hurt herself because she was having a tantrum."

"I think she definitely has Christian's quick temper! What happened when you went into her room once you'd finished with Matthew?" She asks whilst in paediatrician mode, it wouldn't surprize me if she was taking notes. It sure helps when you have someone who knows just about everything relating to raising children. I highly value Grace's opinion, with the kids and just life in general.

"She does have Christian's temper, that's for sure. When I went into her room she was sitting on the floor, with her hands covering her face and sobbing. She was crying so hard Grace. So once she'd calmed down completely and stopped crying, I picked her up and gave her a massive hug then tried to explain that she was being naughty and she's supposed to be a good girl. I said that it was time for bed and she went to pick out a book for me to read to her. I sat in the glider and was rocking her back and forth reading 'Goodnight Moon'. She was snuggled in my lap with her head resting on my chest, and while I was reading she settled her hand on my breast like babies do when they nurse, then she started nuzzling and grabbing at my shirt. I thought we were way past this; she's been on a Sippy cup for the past four months. Obviously I didn't allow her to nurse because it'd be like taking five steps backwards. She didn't like the fact that I said no and that set her off again. Honestly Grace, I was about pulling my hair out." My bottom lip trembles because I am so stressed out.

"I can imagine darling, you're doing amazingly well though—especially since you just gave birth and your hormones are a little haywire right now so don't cry sweetie, its okay."

"You're right, I know you're right but it's just hard you know?"

"I know hon. So did she go to bed with no problems or did she fight you every step of the way?" Grace asks with a sardonic chuckle.

"I tried to continue reading the story but she went ridged in my arms, even her little face turned bright red with the force of her sobs. She just kept sobbing for me, it was horrible. I held her in my arms thinking that would calm her but she kept at me, pulling at my shirt trying to get to my breast. I was almost at breaking point when Christian came in, hugged me and told me that I was an amazing mother but I was getting stressed out and he took over. About an hour later she was still crying so we decided to just put her in the crib and hope that she'd realize that she won't get our attention via negative behaviour.

"Good, that was the right thing to do. I know she's only eighteen months old but she feels threatened by Matthew. Mommy and Daddy bring home this small baby who gets lots of attention and she's worked out that if she misbehaves you'll stay with her and meet her demands or console her whilst not meeting her demands. She is doing it purely for attention and you were right to put her into bed and let her cry for a little bit. As long as you don't leave her crying for too long because she could get dehydrated." Grace says as I sit down on the sofa.

"I just wish that there was some magic button that would fix the problems we're having with her!"

"Ana, you can take this advice or you can leave it, it's completely up to you as to whether you'll try or not." Ok. I'll take the bait.

"Sure, I'm listening and willing to do anything for everything to be alright between Liv and Matt. I don't want her to resent her little brother. I don't like the tension around the house."

"How long has Olivia been on the Sippy cup?" She asks and I have to think about it…

"I gave her the Sippy cup the day after my first therapy session with Dr. Logan and that was May 4th and it's now September 14th. So she has been on the Sippy cup for… just over four months, give or take."

_Nineteen weeks divided by four = 4.75._

"Now hear me out, don't comment until I've given you all the facts, okay darling?"

"I'll hear you out, and I'll listen to the facts before saying anything." I say back trying to reassure her that I won't hang up once she gives me her advice. It can't be that bad can it?

"When an infant is born, they have a strong suckle reflex, nature created it so that babies can draw the milk from their mother's breasts. Now, as kids grow up and their teeth come down, and they're weaned, the suckle reflex fades as the child learns to drink without using so much suction. If a child is still nursing, even at three years old their suckle reflexes will still be very strong. Now that Olivia has been using the cup for a reasonably long period her suckle reflex will be really weak. She may want to nurse from you, and honestly… I recommend that you permit her to do so for two reasons… number one, trust me Ana, after getting her milk from her Sippy cup for so long, it'll be too much hard work to draw out your breast milk. And number two, even if she isn't getting any milk from you, she may get over this jealousy if she has that connection with you again, and it'll comfort her and reform that bond with you as her mother and main caregiver. Right now, she doesn't know where her place is, she's used to being the baby, getting the majority share of everyone's attention. Now that Matthew is here, she's no longer the baby and he's getting all the attention unless she behaves badly and acts out thus thrusting her into center stage again. Do you see where I'm coming from? As I said, you don't have to take my advice on board; I'm just trying to give you some informed choices and possible solutions. Whether you carry them through or act on them is down to you and Christian." I listen to her with rapt attention. I get where she's coming from, for both reasons and at this point, things can't get any worse with her because she's constantly acting out if Matthew is around and getting attention.

"Grace, I understand what you're saying and to be honest… I'm a little scared that everything will blow up in our faces and we'll be right back to where we started four months ago, plus I have to discuss it with Christian and see what he thinks."

"Just think about it and discuss it darling, that's all I ask."

We say our goodbyes but not before I promise to give her suggestion careful consideration and not just dismiss it. Once I hang up the telephone I look at my watch in shock, I've been on the phone for over forty minutes which leaves me just enough time to speak to Christian before Gail calls us for dinner.

I head into his office to speak to him about what Grace has just said. I need his opinion and input on how to deal with Olivia.

"Hey baby, is dinner ready? It's a little early?" He says as he leans back in his chair and runs his hands over his face.

"No, dinner isn't ready yet. I just wanted to come up here and discuss something with you." I say as I take a seat on his lap.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asks as he strokes my thighs.

_Hot fucking damn. I can't wait until tonight!_

"Your mom called, she wanted to know how the kids were, especially Olivia, since last Sunday. Anyway, I told her what happened when Liv saw Matt nursing and the monumental tantrum she had afterwards and I asked her for some advice about how to handle Liv trying to nurse."

"What did mom say?" He asks as he kisses my cheek and runs his hand up and down my thigh and the other hand is positioned on my behind.

"Well she told me that when infants are born they have a really strong suckle reflex so they can draw milk from the breast and as a child is weaned off the breast and given a Sippy cup, the suckle reflex gets weaker because they don't have to work as hard to get milk out of the cup. She said that because Olivia has been completely on a Sippy cup for over four months that her suckle reflex will be practically non-existent. Christian, before I tell you, you have to promise not to freak out or get angry and actually listen to me before saying anything?" I kiss his lips and caress his face as I look in his eyes. He's frowning but nods anyway.

"No, you have to say 'I promise, I'll listen and I won't get mad Ana.'" I say with a giggle and Christian smirks.

"I promise, I'll listen and I won't get mad Ana." He repeats with a raised brow.

"You're mom made me promise that I'd listen and not say anything until she was finished too. Anyway, so basically Grace advised me to allow Olivia to nurse—" I feel him tense up as soon as I say it and I know he's thinking 'no fucking way because I couldn't get anywhere near my wife for months because of Olivia's clinginess.' "—Grace said that Olivia may want to nurse from me, and to trust this advice because after getting her milk from a Sippy cup for so long, it'll be far too much work for her to actually draw any milk from my breast. Tell me what you're thinking Christian? I don't know what to think or do and I really need us to discuss this and make the decision together, as a team." I run my fingers through his soft copper locks and kiss the corner of his mouth.

"Can I have another one baby?" He asks with his crooked grin which makes me giggle. I turn in his hold, straddling him so that I am completely facing him with my bended knees on either side of his thighs. I take his face in my hands and slowly move towards him, allowing my lips to hover over his, as close as I can be without actually kissing him. My thumbs stroke his cheeks as we stare into each other's eyes.

"I love you, and I need you to help me make this decision. You have just as much of a say in this as I do Christian… we're a team, 50/50, with no pun intended." I murmur, my lips barely skimming his. His hands are stroking my behind, and then he leans forward and sucks on my bottom lip, running the tip of his tongue over it then tugging it with his teeth.

"Mmm, your lips are delicious—I need more!" His hands move up and over my hips, running up my ribs and then the sides of my breasts before cupping them completely.

"I already have to share these wonderful breasts with Matthew, and now if you want to try this, I'll have to share them with Olivia too? I don't think that's fair, there's only so much a man can take Ana and when it comes to these puppies, I want them all to myself… but. If my mother thinks it's a good idea, and you want to try then I support you one hundred percent." He murmurs against my mouth as he nibbles on my bottom lip, running his tongue along the length of mine."

"I think, I think this might work Christian. I mean, I can try it and see what happens but what if she is able to suckle and get something from me, it'll be that much harder to say no afterward." I say with a frown. Damn it I don't know what to do for the best.

"Ana… right now, she's crying every time you nurse Matthew, and if she does manage to successfully nurse, it's not the end of the world. Lots of toddler's nurse, hell Ava nursed until she was three remember? Sweetheart, Olivia is just eighteen month old; technically she's still a baby. Maybe if you nurse her at night before bed—she'll feel closer to you again and surely that'll help her get over the jealousy she's feeling when you're with Matthew, it can be your special time together, just the two of you… I mean, it's just an idea, does it make any sense or am I being a stupid guy who doesn't know jack shit about motherhood?" He asks and I stare at him in shock, my mouth hanging open like a fool.

"Never mind, I guess from the look on your face that it was a dumb suggestion, just forget I said anything—" I clamp my mouth over his, kissing him with intense passion and uncontrollable lust.

"When" *kiss* "did" *kiss* "you" *kiss* "get so" *kiss* "smart?" *kiss* "that's an amazing" *kiss* "idea!" *kiss* "baby!" *kiss* "Plus, you're mother sort of said the" *kiss* "same thing!" I tug on his hair as I rock my hips against his, I gasp as the seam of my jeans gives me the friction I so badly need right now.

"Mmm, fuck that feels so good. The last two weeks have been hell for me!" I mumble, kissing my way down his throat as I rock against his growing length. I can't contain my gasp when he starts thrusting up to counter my rocking, making it that much more intense.

_Dry humping like teenagers? Hell yeah!_

"Shit baby, I can feel your heat from here. I want to bury myself in you so bad!" I mewl into his mouth, one hand gripping onto his hair at the nape of his neck and the other is clamped around his shoulder, my nails digging into his skin so hard that there is bound to be a mark. He pulls back from me, ripping my shirt open; button's ricocheting nosily around the room. I hope none of the kids walk into this office right now as I haven't locked the door but for some reason, I can't find the will or want to actually stop.

"Shit, right there… yeah! Ahh... Christian!" I moan. He has one hand grasping my hip, aiding my rocking motion and the other is working my breast, his face is buried between them, nipping the flesh above the cups. I feel myself building higher and higher and I know it won't be long until I fall, and believe me, I need to fall so badly. Christian starts thrusting against me faster and harder, running the hardened bulge against my throbbing clitoris. I tug on his hair until he lifts his head upright, then I pull him in for a kiss, tongues lapping and teeth clashing from unbridled passion and lust.

I rest my forehead against his shoulder, I feel the pulling begin in my belly, as my body starts to tense.

"God Christian I'm so close, fuck!" I moan, a mist of sweat settling over our exposed skin.

"Hold on, control it Ana… I want us to come together." I growl loudly, trying to stop myself from having the first orgasm I've had since the night before I went into labor.

"I'm there Ana; I'm so there… are you ready sexy mama!" He asks, his voice husky, I lift my head to meet his eyes, locking our gazes both darkened with lust.

"Ughhh fuck yes, please… I can't hold it!" I dig my nails into his shoulder as he hisses in pleasure and pain.

"Fuck!" He hisses a breath through his clenched teeth! "Mark me baby… bite me, bite down hard on my shoulder when you come!" I rest my head against his shoulder, rocking and thrusting against his rock solid length. He meets my eye and I know that we're both coming soon, as soon as he says the magic words I'll fall into paradise!

"Come with me baby!" His husky growl tips me over the edge, stifling my scream of debilitating pleasure by biting down hard on the wing of his shoulder, Christian hisses as I bite down, he tenses and shudders, calling out a garbled rendition of my name as I continue to rock against him, rubbing out our mutual release. Eventually we float back down to earth, panting, sweating and sated. I start giggling uncontrollably, Christian smirking at me as he rests his forehead against my own.

"Well, I didn't expect to dry hump my wife when you walked in here ten minutes ago." He chuckles, kissing my exposed throat.

"I didn't come in here with the intention to start dry humping you, it kinda just happened but I know one thing… it was fun, exciting, exhilarating, excellent, amazing, I could go on and on."

"I agree with you whole heartedly, but now I've got to go clean up, my come is dripping down my legs and that's pretty disgusting but it's an occupational hazard when it comes to dry humping!" He chuckles to himself, standing up with me in his arms and heads to our bedroom for a quick shower, walking like he's shit himself or just got off a horse which makes me giggle-snort and Christian smacks my ass hard, making me squeal and laugh even harder. Once we've quickly showered and changed Gail calls on us to come down for dinner.

~o0o~

After dinner, Christian stacks the dishwater whilst I sit with the kids in the living room. I need to help Teddy with his spelling homework. I read the words on the flashcards and Ted has to spell them on his spelling book, then I have to check them and sign the sheet, adding comments on what he's good at and words he's struggling with. Gail comes into the family room and grabs Olivia for her bath since I'm going to be busy with Ted.

"Come here Livy, it's time to get Stinky in the bath."

"Me bath nana?" Liv says to Gail with a grin, she's such a water baby… she always has been.

"Yep, you're going in the bath and so are you Gracie, if you come with me you can help me with Olivia… how does that sound?" Gail asks Gracie, twirling her hair, she loves helping with Matty and Liv.

"Okay GG, I'll help you… will I get Livy's water toys?" She asks excitedly, holding onto Gail's hand as they head upstairs leaving Ted and I with some peace and quiet to get his homework done. I honestly don't know how I'd cope with the kids if I didn't have Gail Taylor. The woman is a saint.

"Are you ready Ted, we need to do your spelling homework buddy." I say to Ted as he sits and talks to Matthew.

"Matty, mommy said I have to do boring, stinky homework when I'd rather hang out with you. I'll be back soon though little dude, so don't cry." He kisses Mattie's forehead then drags his butt over to the coffee table with a grave expression, like he's crawling to his death. I hand him his workbook and pencil and smile to encourage and reassure him but he just looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Remember, you're best handwriting. Are you ready?" I ask him, flicking through the flashcards; some of these words are really hard since he's in the highest group for spelling and math.

"Yep, hit it mom."

"Here we go… first word Earthbound." He leans over his book, taking his time to write the word and sounds out the syllables a few times before writing the word down.

"Next mom."

"Earthworms." He writes down this word quickly and nods for me to read the next to him.

"Abbreviate." We go through each of the words and once he's done he gives me his workbook to read and the sheet to sign.

"Well done honey, you never spelled a single word wrong; you're such a clever boy." I sign my name, and write a few comments on his strengths and weaknesses.

"Remember, when you're sounding out your syllables, it's easier if you mark them with claps. Can you try it with the word 'Abbreviate' sweetie?"

"Sure, so Abbreviate would be like this 'A- *clap* -bbre- *clap* -vi- *clap* -ate- *clap*' so abbreviate has four syllables, is that right?"

"That's exactly right; it's easier to count your syllables that way isn't it?"

"Yup. Can I hold little dude before I go upstairs to play Xbox?"

"Of course you can, you're such an amazing big brother. You were exactly the same when Gracie came along, until she learned to talk and developed her snarky attitude. And, you're still great with Olivia. I'm really proud of you Teddy, you're such a good boy and I love you so much." I tell him, planting a kiss on his forehead which he wipes away with a disgusted expression.

"What? Am I not allowed to kiss my first born anymore?"

"Uhh… you're allowed, just never do it in public, like… ever, okay?" He says with meaning, widening his eyes to show me he means business.

"Okay, never in public. So does that mean I get to do this…?" I hook my leg around his and hold his hands, carefully getting him down on the ground before pinning him and kissing all over his face making smoochie noises.

"MOM, Nooo… please *Laughter*, please… stop. Nooo… mommy please."

"Tell me you love me and I'll stop." I hold both his arms in one of my hands and start tickling his belly and ribs.

"Never!"

"Tell me you love me, I can do this all day…" Christian comes walking into the family room and looks at us with a brow raised.

"Anastasia, why are you murdering our son?"

"Daddy, daddy save me… save me, she's kissing me to death. PLEASE *Giggle snort* someone save me from *laughter* this madness!"

"Oh no, daddy won't save you until you tell me you love me Tedster, surrender." I giggle, tickling him like crazy and kissing his face all over, he's wiggling and struggling to get free and laughing so hard.

"Alright, alright… I surrender, I love you mom, I love ya! Jeez, you're still tickling me, I said I love you. Dad save me from this crazy woman!"

"Don't worry Ted, dad to the rescue. Christian wraps his arms around my waist from behind and starts blowing raspberries on my neck, I try to wiggle my way free but he grabs my hands and flips me onto my back, and Ted joins in and they both tickle torture me.

"How 'ya like it now mom, huh? Smoochie, smoochie her dad! I'll sit on her and tickle her ribs!"

"No fair, this is two against one! Gracie baby, save me… get daddy!" I yell to Gracie who's just came into the room in her princess pyjamas. She runs and launches herself onto Christian's back, wrapping her arms around his neck and tickling the skin she can reach. I can't breathe because I'm laughing so hard while Christian wetly kisses my face, and neck.

"Christian… oh my god… ewww, stop licking me!"

"Oh mommy doesn't like getting a taste of her own medicine?" He says to Ted. Gracie is still hanging onto Christian's neck with her legs wrapped around his chest, wrestling with him and tickling his sides.

"I got'him mommy, I'll save you!" Christian let's go of one of my hands and starts to tickle Gracie's bare foot, managing to get the little monkey off his back. He holds onto both of her feet and blows raspberries on the soles and she's giggling like crazy. We all seem to lose our energy and collapse on the floor in a pile, panting like we've run a marathon.

"That was fun mom!" Ted laughs as he catches his breath.

"My tummy hurts from all the laughing, daddy you got my feet all wet it's yucky." Gracie pipes in, still laughing and panting.

"I'm not as fit as I used to be." I pant which makes Christian laugh.

"I don't know how, it's not like you don't get enough… exorcise baby." He murmurs, lifting his brow and smirking at me so I slap his bicep and he feigns pain.

"Baby, you wound me."

Once we've calmed down, I get the kids a drink and a glass of chilled rose Prosecco for Christian and take it into the family room for them. Christian is lying down on the corner sectional sofa in his sweats with both Ted and Gracie on his lap watching The Simpsons, laughing just as hard as the kids are.

"Here's your apple juice." I say to them as I sit their cups down on the table, transformers cup for Ted and a Tinkerbelle cup for Gracie from the Disney store that has a straw twirled around the entire cup, the ones that are a pain in the ass to get clean. I hand Christian his wine and he tilts his head up for a kiss, which I gladly give him, resulting a chorus of

"Eeeeww." From Teddy and Gracie.

"Gracie bug, you have fifteen minutes before bed baby girl."

"Kay mommy." She says before gulping her juice. I just have time to put Olivia to bed before Matty wakes for his feed. I head into Olivia's room and she's sitting on the floor with Gail playing peek a boo.

"Mama…thee." She tells me excitedly, pointing at Gail.

"I see princess, were you playing peek a boo with GG?" I ask her and she frowns at me shaking her head and looking to Gail.

"Eek-boo wif nana." Nana?

"That's what she calls me now, Nana. We were watching peter pan the other day and the dog is called Nanny and Miss Olivia now calls me Nana don't you cupcake?"

"Nana…" She points at Gail then grabs her face and gives her a full on slobbery kiss right on the lips with a big *smooch* sound and Gail snuggles her to her chest. I often wonder why Gail never had any kids, she's amazing with them… maybe it's some sort of infertility problem or something in any case, it's not my place to pry and I'd never ask something like that. For all I know it could be a really painful topic for her.

_Getting a little ahead of yourself there Ana._

"Helloo? Earth to mommy?" Gail waves her hand in front of my face to refocus my attention.

_Wow!_ My subconscious tuts, shaking her head with a scowl, bitch.

"Sorry, I must have spaced out for a second. What were you saying?"

"Would you like me to put Gracie to bed, you'll be with Olivia and then you'll be feeding the little one?" She offers with a smile, pulling herself to her feet, I feel like I'm taking advantage of her a little.

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind, I kind of feel like I'm taking advantage of your good nature Gail…"

"Pttsh, please. I wouldn't offer if I wasn't sure."

"Thanks Gail, you do so much around here and I just want you to know how much I do appreciate it." I take her hand and give her a squeeze, meaning every word.

"I know you appreciate what I do, but I love doing it, especially with the kids."

"Gail, you know that Christian and I don't see you and Jason as anything less than our immediate family. Christian knows how much you were there for me during that awfully difficult time for us both, as Jason was there for Christian. You are our family, the kids adore you, to them… you are one of their grandmothers—I don't know if that's a compliment to you or not." I finish with a giggle and Gail nudges me with her hip.

"Ana… you're like a daughter to me, the kids are my Grandchildren in every sense, sure they call Jason 'Uncle' because he's too 'young' to be a grandpa, he's just too vain more like." She finishes with a giggle and wraps me up in a motherly hug.

"Would it be too weird if I started calling you mom?" I ask with a smirk and she pretends to mull it over.

"I think it's best if we play it safe and stick with 'Gail the mighty and wonderful domestic goddess! How about that?"

"Gail it is." I giggle as she kisses Olivia's forehead then turns off the main light, so that it's just the lamp that's left on that casts shapes, colors and patterns across the walls and ceiling, with that, she turns and leaves the room and I flick on the normal lamp beside the glider so that I can see to read her a story as per our nightly routine.

"Well sweetness. It's time for bed, pick out a story baby." I whisper in a calming voice as I set her on her feet, and then take a seat in the glider beside the window. She toddles over to the book shelve and randomly selects a book then brings it over to me. Gail has dressed her in footed pyjamas, and with her chocolate curls she looks like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She smells of Johnsons lavender bubble bath and baby lotion which actually does what it's supposed to, which is relax and make the person using it feel sleepy.

I pull her up onto my lap with her pink blanket; it has her name, her date of birth, weight and length embroidered onto it. Grace had it made when she was born, all of the kids have one, and Matty got his last Sunday. Olivia gives me the book she's chosen, and then kisses me on the lips with a smile. I've decided that I'm not going to offer her the option to nurse, but if she tries to, then I'll let her. Christian's right, it may help her with her jealousy of Matthew. I wrap her blanket around her as she snuggles into my arms

"The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson."

_"A mouse took a stroll down the deep dark wood. A fox saw the mouse and the mouse looked good!" _I read the story in a quiet voice, to aid in calming her and eventually lulling her into sleep.

"Mama…" She looks up at me, her grey eyes shining and slightly glassy like she's about to cry. "Me baby?" She questions me with a frown, as if trying to work it out for herself. I put the book on the table beside the glider and wrap my arms around her tightly, rocking back and forth.

"You'll always be my baby Olivia. Even when you're a big girl at school like Gracie, you'll still be mommy's baby." I murmur as I run my fingers through her mass of chocolate curls, leaning down to kiss her forehead. She curls herself into me, holding onto my shirt then looking up at me. She nuzzles her face against my breast, trying to open my shirt but almost looks afraid to do so.

"It's okay sweetheart." I whisper against her cheek, I unbutton my shirt and free my breast. She immediately latches and begins to suckle and eventually I feel my milk flow a little and her eyelids begin to flutter. I stroke her forehead, temple and cheek as I rock back and forth. It isn't long before she falls asleep with her mouth loosely around my nipple and in this moment, I have complete clarity as to how she's been feeling. I can give her this; I can allow her this at bed time until she feels more secure with Matthew now being in our family.

I sit for a little bit, making sure she's sleeping deeply before rising with her in my arms. I lay her down in her crib with her pink blanket still wrapped around her and cover her with the duvet in her crib.

"Sweet dreams princess, mommy and daddy love you so very much and we don't want you to ever feel like we don't." I know I am talking to a sleeping toddler who probably wouldn't understand what I was saying, even if she was awake at the time! I turn off the lamp by the glider and set the timer on her patterns lamp to fifteen minutes.

By the time I leave Olivia's room, Gracie is already in bed so I pop into her room and kiss her goodnight, also telling her how much Christian and I love her. I go downstairs to find Ted sitting beside Christian holding Matthew in his arms whilst they both watch yet another episode of The Simpsons. Once it's finished Ted hands Matty over to me, giving each of us a kiss and wishing us goodnight. Christian heads upstairs with him to make sure he brushes his teeth and to also tuck him into bed, and even though Teddy is ten and repeatedly tells us that he no longer requires being tucked in… Christian insists on doing it anyway, much to Teddy's dismay, whilst I turn off all the lights and set the alarm.

I go upstairs, and into Matt's nursery. I lay him on the changing table, stripping him and changing his diaper and dress him in a clean onesie since he spit up downstairs and a little of it got onto the onesie. Once I've finished dressing him in his footed onesie I swaddle him and move over to the glider.

"Its milk time, a little cuddle time then bed for you mister." I say to him as I take a seat and latch him on. I sit and softly murmur my love for him, for our entire family as he drinks. I burp him, earning myself a strong, guttural burp and then a wail of protest to being separated from my breasts.

"Oh dear, dear. I had to get that wind up tootsie. You're just like you're daddy, you know that right?" I say to him with a massive cheesy smile on my face.

"How is he like me then?" Christian asks from the doorway, his eyes softening as he watches me nurture and unconditionally love our son. I look up at him as I switch Matthew to my other breast, and I feel it flowing fast.

"Well daddy… the reason is this. Matty doesn't like being separated from my breasts when I have to burp him and well… you don't like being separated from them either." I giggle and he leans down to kiss my forehead.

"Well, I can't argue with that logic. I am definitely a breast man, although when it comes to asses, yours is pretty phenomenal. What really gets me going is when your delectable ass is all pink and warm. A few hours ago, you requested a spanking and I intend to fulfil the brief to the best of my ability and will meet your every expectation."

_Holy mother Mary of god Jesus Christ help me!_

"Ughhh, I can't wait to get you into that bedroom and ravish you with my mouth, just picture it… my tongue licking through your soft, sweet folds. Just thinking about it makes my balls hurt and my cock hard." Christian huskily tells me. "I'll be waiting in the bedroom for you baby… naked and primed for action!" I feel my blush steal over my cheeks as my insides flutter with anticipation. I shake my head as he smirks at me. He leans over, where Matt's mouth is enveloping my nipple, and practically my entire around my areola is in his little mouth as he begins to fall asleep.

"How much longer are you going be baby?" He asks desire evident in his tone.

"Well he's just about sleeping so probably ten minutes, give or take!.

"I'll see you in a bit then, I love you." He tips his head down to kiss me full on the lips before cupping Mattie's head, feeling the silky soft hair that's dusted over his scalp then kisses his forehead.

"Goodnight sweet boy. Daddy will see you in the morning. Sweet dreams son." He whisper's against Matthew's head, inhaling the unique baby smell that emanates from all newborn babies heads. He kisses Matt and I once more then turn to leave the nursery but pauses just short of the threshold.

"Baby, just so you know… I'd so love to see you in some sexy, silky lingerie tonight." He smirks then walks out, leaving me sitting there gaping at the back of his head until he turns the corner and I can't see him anymore. I know just the thing to wear and lucky for me, it's in my office… still in the bag. I bought it just before I learned I was pregnant with Matthew and never got the chance to wear it so this is the perfect opportunity to get sexed up!

Matthew stops suckling, his mouth still around my nipple but I manage to detach him without waking him but he did cry in protest at first as soon as I laid him down but he calmed after a few minutes and fell asleep allowing me to sigh in relief.

I walk into my office, locking the door as I change into my virgin white lingerie set which consists of; White lacy thong, a sheer panel of material underneath the waistband which shows the pubic bone. A gorgeous white silk and lace bra, the top portion of the bra cup is sheer material which makes the cup more of a demi style. And finally a white silk and lace baby doll top to go over the bra and panties along with white silk stockings with matching lace tops and garters. I go into the bathroom and look through the laundry hamper, desperate to find one of Christian's work shirts to complete the outfit. He's always said his desire for me reaches fever pitch whenever I wear his shirts. Thankfully I manage to find a white shirt and shrug it on before stepping into my Louboutin cherry red skyscraper heels, that I also purchased the same day as the lingerie to go with it, every lingerie set must have a pair of 'fuck me' shoes to match as Kate informed me the day we visited La Perla, and the sales assistant agreed with Kate's statement and that every lingerie set should have shoes to match. Guy's love a woman's high end couture heels wrapped around their neck.

I take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I look in the hallway mirror and take in my new look. My hair is wild, a mass of curls and volume and my make-up is natural and understated whilst retaining its sexiness and overall, I am quite pleased with how I look, even if I am still retaining some of the post-baby flab.

I turn the handle to the door and walk in. Christian has his back to me and just as he turns around I shrug the shirt off my shoulders, revealing the very revealing lingerie. He rakes his eyes over my entire body, his gaze darkening, overtaken with lust.

"Fuck baby you look good, so fucking good. God I want you." He groans, his hands threading into my hair as we kiss.

"Then have me, in any which way you please… sir." I drop to my knees at his feet. My legs shoulder width apart with my forearms resting on my thighs and my head trained on the floor. I hear Christian's gasp of air, it's exciting him as his breathing is increasing and his hands thread into my hair, roughly pulling my head back then sets alight with a hungry possessive kiss that leaves me dizzy and breathless.

"Mmm, you look so fucking good down there on your knees my sweet Ana… what ever will we do with the night… decisions, decisions?"

* * *

_A/N: How are Christian and Ana going to cope with another four weeks of no penetration? Family life is finally getting back to something somewhat normal, but the question is… will it last?_

_Hope you liked this extra-long chapter… I know it's another fluffy one but don't worry to all the guys who are asking for a little angst, there may just be something coming up in the next chapter or the following._

_With love and sunshine!  
-S, xo_


	85. Chapter 85: The big owie!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

"Baby, just so you know… I'd so love to see you in some sexy, silky lingerie tonight." I murmur my voice thick with lust, love and desire. I quickly left the room because I was about to feel her up in our babies nursery. I know I'm a kinky fucker but that would be so, very wrong!

I head into our bedroom and quickly strip off and hunt down my ripped, soft Levi jeans, the ones I always wore in the playroom…

_Yeah the playroom, the red room of pain that crushed you're wife and almost killed your daughter…_

I shake those thoughts, that was long passed water under the bridge and we're happier than we've ever been before; in the beginning of our relationship I'd never felt this secure, and comfortable. I was so unsure of myself and of Ana… so terrified that one morning she'd get up, look at me with disgust and then walk out of my life. I was terrified to let my guard down and relax.

Over the years my trust and self-esteem issues faded and I was wholeheartedly happy, blissed out and complete. When I strayed and got caught I'd never felt so low… but I picked myself up, because feeling sorry for myself wouldn't do any good. I worked my ass off to be a better man, to be the man Ana deserved, and if I went by Ana's mood—her smiles and glances which would always lead to a healthy dose of eye-fucking—it meant that I'd succeeded in being the man she deserved. After all I did, and how much I'd hurt her, she loved me enough to give me another chance and I'm damn sure I'll appreciate every fucking second she blesses me with her presence. I will never let her down again, never.

I stood with my shirtless back facing the door, waiting, wanting and rock hard. I needed to slip my cock into those fragrant folds and feel her warmth envelop me but I couldn't—right now her sex was sacred for it housed each of my children, and most recently, it housed Matthew, I wanted her so badly but because of that simple fact… the possibility of her getting hurt because I couldn't wait the required time to sink balls deep inside her?

No.

I will never hurt her physically, emotionally, mentally or metaphysically. I'll never hurt her again, regardless of how the hurting takes place, whether that be via infidelity or screaming and shouting for the tiniest little thing of no consequence, it would still result in the same emotions, the same part of her brain that triggered her eyes to start expelling saline regardless of how the hurt actually happened and of one thing I am sure, and that is the fact that I'll never do it again.

I hear her approach the door, but I continue to stare forward with a massive grin on my face. I heard the door open and I catch her scent as the draught of the door closing blows through the room.

I can't take the suspense any longer, so I spin around on my heel just as she drops my unbuttoned shirt on the floor of my office. My cock twitches in response to Ana's core, calling out for me, needing me to be buried inside.

"Fuck baby you look good, so fucking good. God I want you." I practically growl, threading my hands into her hair as I attack her lips with wild abandon.

"Then have me, in any which way you please… sir." She offers huskily, and then drops to her knees, resting back on her heels, her forearms on her thighs which are a shoulder width apart. Her head is forward with her eyes focused on the floor. My breath catches in my throat, leading me to gasp for precious air.

I can't seem to regulate my breathing; I'm panting heavily as I reach forward and thread my fingers into Ana's soft waves that are cascading over her slender shoulders. I grasp her hair in my closed fist and pull her head back roughly before thrusting my tongue into her soft mouth, I suck and nip at her lower lip, tugging and pulling on it before licking across the delicious teeth marks I'd made.

"Look at me baby; you have my permission to look at me during this session of playtime." I don't know why but I can't bear seeing her gaze trained on the floor. She slowly raises her gaze and I look down into her crystal clear blue eyes that sparkle with salacious delight.

_But look at her! She enjoys it, it's written all over her face!_

"Mmm, you look so fucking good down there on your knees my sweet Ana… what ever will we do with the night… decisions, decisions?" I ask her, in a husky growl, I smirk at her as I see the desire written plainly on her beautiful face.

"What do you want baby, what do you need?" I ask her as I hold her face in my hands, I feel my dick throb, and it's completely solid and weeping for my wife's core.

_Damn it, we can't but we sure fucking want to!_

"Whatever you need, sir." She replies, a slight smirk teasing at the corners of her mouth but she reins it in, with years of practice of perfecting her submissive 'character'. I learned that my wonderful wife doesn't have a submissive bone in her body and I wouldn't want her any other way, and just like I have my alter ego who lives in these jeans, she has hers, locked deep within her beautiful mind, we can both be either submissive or dominant.

"I need, you to pull down my jeans and do what you will, excluding the one thing we want most of all and believe me when I say that I want it, I need it even—but we can't."

Without a second of hesitation she reaches up and pulls down my jeans, springing my cock free with a bounce. Her soft dainty hand reaches up and pumps up and down my length. I let out a tortured gasp as the sensation she draws with her presence, her body, and her soul.

"Fuck that feels so good…" I moan low in the back of my throat as she squeezes and caresses my cock. I throw my head back when she wraps her lips around the head and softly suckles, fisting the root and slowly pushing more of my cock into her mouth, with each pass up and down she got closer and closer to having me fully inside her, which was one of the things I adore… her natural ability to deep throat. Hell… she has a natural ability at all things sexual.

I feel her lips press against my groin, with my entire cock nestled in her throat, which almost felt as good as being buried inside her, _almost._

"Jesus baby, ughh!" I groan, awash with sensation raking through my entire frame. My hands thread into her hair as I thrust myself in and out of her warm, wet mouth. I pick up the pace, each thrust lifting me higher and higher. I feel the muscles tense in my thighs and my stomach, my balls awash with the familiar tugging sensation that precursor's the release, her small soft hand reaches up to cup and fondle my balls and that's it, I'm gone.

"Ana… baby, oh god! Fuuuuck!" I grunt as I come in thick streams down Ana's throat. I shudder and shake as she slows her pace and helps me ride out my release. When I finally come down from the high she raised me to, she licks my cock clean and starts batting her lashes at me seductively.

"Jesus baby, that was fucking amazing." I murmur as I help her stand to her feet. I lead her over by the bed and take a seat; I'm still holding her hand in mine when I give it a sharp tug, pulling her over my lap. Her torso is lying on the pillow I'd set out earlier, with her ass resting perfectly over my hardened cock.

"You said you wanted to be spanked Mrs. Grey, is that still the case?" I ask, not wanting her to feel like she has to go through with this. That if she changes her mind she can back out without worrying about pissing me off.

"Yes sir, please spank me." She says breathlessly, she's writhing over my cock which is almost painfully hard; it seemed that regardless of just fucking the hell out of Ana a few minutes ago, he still wants more. I suppose I can understand in a way because I feel the exact same. I need her like I need air.

"Mrs. Grey, there are a few rules that I must impose. I want to try something and I need you to be honest with me, I need you to tell me if you don't like what I'm saying, if it doesn't work or sound the way I intend it to. Promise me Ana." I say from my heart. I want to try so badly and I know she'll find it erotic and sinful and dirty and that's the point.

She pauses for a moment and I can almost hear her heart thumping wildly, echoing around our bedroom.

"Okay, I promise—if I don't like what you're saying or doing then I'll tell you to stop. I promise you. I know you won't hurt me Christian because from the day and hour I met you, even though my mind told me not to, my heart trusted you and at this point I can tell you that I trust you with everything that I am and everything that I'll ever be." She says with such conviction and emotion that I feel each and every word she says, it hits down deep in my gut and spreads such warmth right through me.

"I love you so much Ana. I am nothing, less than nothing without you." I murmur as I stroke her beautiful curved ass. It's perfection, so plump, ripe and soft.

"I love you too Christian, I'm nothing without you either." She turns to look over her shoulder and I see the love she has for me as if it was a visible aura that glows around her.

"I… I'm going to tell you what I have planned because I'm a little… nervous about what you'll think of it so baby if you don't like it, I am begging you to tell me now okay?" I ask her, I have never said any of the things I'm planning on saying to Ana before. I've used them on subs but even when Ana was a prospective sub, I just couldn't say those things that are meant to humiliate the sub. After Ana surprized me with her filthy mouth in New York, I've wanted to repay the favour and I do not mean a single thing I'm about to say.

"Christian… I trust you, I know you love me and I think I know what you're planning already. You don't have to be nervous of offending me, I'm your wife and I know enough to know that if you meant any of the things you're about to say, you sure as hell wouldn't have married me." She finishes with a giggle then wiggles her butt, which inadvertently causes her core to rub up on my dick. My baby is getting impatient because she's turned on and I'm taking my sweet ass time to give her what she wants and needs.

"This—" I have my forearm positioned on her lower back to hold her to my lap and use my other hand to rub and caress her pale, perfect cheeks. "—is mine Anastasia, and I will do whatever I want with it, do you understand?" I ask in a husky growl.

"Yes. It's yours sir." She responds in a moan as I knead her behind with one hand, occasionally moving lower with my strokes so that my fingertips brush her core.

"Hmm, I love this lingerie. You look so… virginal." She moans and I can feel the heat permeating from her core through the lace of her panties.

"But you're not virginal are you?" I ask, lifting my hand and thwacking it down on her right cheek, which causes Ana to gasp and then groan with pleasure.

"No sir." She responds, writhing on my lap.

"Get up and take all of it off except the panties… slowly." She quickly stands to her feet, maintaining eye contact as she takes off the white baby doll top, dropping it to the floor. I rake my gaze over her beautiful body but notice that she averts her eyes when my eyes fall over her stomach, looking uncomfortable as she tries to cover it up with her arms.

"Baby, what are you doing… don't try to hide from me, you're absolutely stunning. Your belly is beautiful." I say as I stand to my feet. I drop to my knees and take hold of her hips, raining kisses all over her belly.

"You grew our son in there Ana, it is one of my favourite places on your body because you grew and protected our babies in there." I whisper, my lips against her beautiful belly. I meet her eyes and give her a little nod, letting her know that we're back in character. She reaches behind her back and unclasps her bra, allowing it to fall to the floor once I retake my seat.

_Jesus those breasts are wonderful! _

I hold out my hand to her as she stands in white lace panties and cherry red sky scraper heels and I am just awed. Fuck me, I am one lucky bastard. I pull her back onto my lap, securing her once more with my forearm; she writhes around, trying to find some sort of friction to take care of the ache I know that she feels.

"Be still." I growl, holding her down a little more.

"You like being spanked don't you?" I whisper sinfully as I stroke the red hand print that's warming her behind.

"Yes sir." She gasps with sheer pleasure.

"Why do you like being spanked you dirty girl?" I ask, landing another smack on her left cheek, then stroke and soothe the sting I just gave her.

"I like it because it feels so good sir."

"You're a dirty little slut who likes to be spanked by her master."

"Ahh, yes sir." She gasps; I can feel her heart racing against my thighs.

"I wonder what people would think of you if they knew what a dirty slut you are?" I ask, smirking as I feel her arousal leak through her panties, her potent womanly musk spreading through the air.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk… look at that." I say as I pull her panties down her legs, leaving them hanging around her ankles then stroke her ass, kneading and rubbing over the warm pink flesh. My cock is painfully hard and rubbing against Ana's soft belly.

"Such a dirty whore who likes being spanked so much that she has arousal dripping down her thighs and onto my lap." I tut as I spread her legs open and take a look at her glistening folds. I raise my hand and land it at the junction of her ass and thighs, my fingertips landing where she wants them most.

"Oh god yes sir!" She mewls, writhing trying to find some sort of friction that will dull the ache and throb of her clitoris.

"What am I going to do with you Ana, you're a little whore who likes to be fucked and spanked aren't you?"

"Y-yes sir, I'm a little whore who loves to be fucked and spanked by you sir." She gasps for breath, moaning as I rain smacks onto her pink cheeks.

"Oh please sir, please?" She begs, raising her ass of my lap in invitation.

"What is it baby, what do you need?" I ask, raining another three smacks, the last lands right on her clitoris.

"Ughhh, please, I want you… I need you sir, please?" She begs, her hips beginning to circle.

"Tsk, look at you, begging to be touched, begging to be taken like the little slut that you are. I wonder what your husband would think of you writhing around like the little whore that you are?"

"He'd love it sir." She moans and I can argue with her, I do love her writhing, but she's no whore.

"Believe me baby, he does love it… he lives to love you." I murmur, feeling the truth in my words.

"I live to love him too, and I live to serve you, sir."

"Yes you fucking better live to serve me, you've been such a good girl my sweet Ana, you've been such a good slut. How about I give you what you need?" I ask and her only response is a throaty moan. I rain light taps all over her pink ass, I spread her legs a little more and smack her core lightly, not enough to make her come but to bring her as close to the edge as possible.

"Come here baby; let me take care of you." I lift her off my lap, and lay her down on her back. I bend her legs so that her feet are flush against the mattress with my hands on top of her knees and push them apart.

I run my hands from their position on her knees inwards along her inner thighs until I get to the apex, my thumbs resting on her pubic bone.

"I want to hear you Ana. I want to hear you scream my name like the little whore that you are." She arches her neck against the mattress her eyes closed and her body heaving. I take off her shoes and remove the panties that are hanging around her ankles then kiss my way down from her left knee, all the way down her inner thigh in the path that my hand just took. I stop just short of the place she wants my lips the most and repeat the process on her right. When I reach the apex I look up and watch her face, her neck is arched with her eyes closed. Her mouth making a silent 'Ahh'.

I part her folds with my fingers, holding them apart and place a kiss under the hood of her clitoris which causes her to raise her hips, I lick through her wetness, tasting her sweetness on my tongue is one of my greatest pleasures. I suckle her clit, nibbling on it then blow slowly along the length of her slit.

"Ahh, please… please." She moans, arching her back and her hips lift up of their own volition. I smirk against her clit, flicking it with my tongue quickly back and forth. Her breathing increases as I feel her body coil and tighten and I know it won't be long before she comes. I nibble at her clit, lightly nipping at it with my teeth.

"Does that feel good? Do you like it when I suck on you… when I eat out your sweet kitty?" I murmur against her flesh then suck her clit into my mouth.

"Fuck… fuck, ahh baby please…" I pull away and land a slap right on her clit and she comes loudly and wetly. I bury my face back between her legs and lick every drop of her sweetness.

"Oh, oh fuck, Christiaaaaan!" She shudders and shakes as I wring out every second of her debilitating pleasure until she floats back down to earth.

"I love you baby… what did you think, did you like it?" I ask once her breathing regulates. I pull her into my arms and leave wet, opened mouth kisses along her neck as I stroke her arms and back.

"Did I like it? Was the 'I just came like a fucking train' not a big enough clue that I loved it?" She giggles then pushes me onto my back and attacks my mouth.

"Mmm, I love tasting myself in your mouth—I loved what you did, I loved what you said… it was so… dirty and wrong but amazingly erotic." She says as her fingers thread through my hair, her nails scratching my scalp.

"I don't know how I feel about it though; I didn't really like calling the mother of my children a slut and a whore." I shake my head, not quite sure how I feel about it.

"Baby, it was fun and I know you don't feel that way about me, it was just role play—and I'll be you're little whore whenever you want me to be." She says before peppering my face with kisses. "We don't have to do it again if you didn't like it and it's completely up to you, but just so you know, I'd love to do it again but not if you don't want to." She finishes with a yawn.

"Let's get some sleep; I want to snuggle with my wife." I say as I pull the duvet up over us, I pull her to my chest, her back to my front.

"I love you baby, goodnight."

"I love you too, night." She murmurs in a quietly tired voice and soon we fall into a blissful sleep.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

I wake to the sounds of our newborn son wailing. I silence the monitor to prevent waking Ana up just yet, he may only need a diaper changed and there's no point in disturbing her if I can give him what he needs. I jump up and pull on the pyjama pants that were under my pillow. I head over to his nursery and he's lying in the middle of his gigantic crib with his little arms wiggling around and his face red from crying.

"Oh its okay son, daddy's here." I let down the railing of his crib and lift him into my arms. I lay him down on the changing table and quickly unsnap the lower half of his onesie and remove his wet diaper.

"I know sweetheart, I know you don't like getting changed but we have to baby boy." I coo to him as he squirms and cries. Once I've got the clean diaper onto him and refasten his onesie he calms a little but nuzzles at my chest looking for his mommy.

"Okay little guy, I've got you, are we gonna go get mommy?" His little chin is quivering and I allow him to suckle on my bent pinkie to calm him until we get to mommy. Thankfully he's quiet when we get into the room and I know it's because he can smell his mother and her milk. Ana is lying on her side sill completely nude which kind of helps me a little since I don't have to awkwardly try and free her breast before latching Matt. I pull the duvet down a little and get into bed, sandwiching Matty between us, I take Ana's breast in hand and guide Matthew to latch on. After a few failed attempts, Matty gets impatient and starts to cry which wakes his mother.

"I tried to latch him myself but he wasn't getting it… I'm sorry we woke you but I think our little man needs his mommy." I can't help but feel panicked, I hate the thought of him crying because he's hungry, and the thought of his little belly hurting due to hunger kills me.

"Christian, he's fine. He isn't starving, he's just a little impatient because he wants some of mama's goods, I'm sure you can appreciate that." She giggles as she reaches over and takes our son in her arms.

"Care to assist me daddy?" She asks, leaning over and pressing her lips to my temple. I take a calming breath and lift a shaky hand to cup Matt's head and guide him to his mother's breast which is leaking profusely. Once he latches he makes appreciative grunts and gurgles.

She rocks from side to side quietly humming and tapping Matt's diaper to soothe him as he drinks hungrily. I snuggle back into bed, pulling the duvet over the three of us and wrap my arm around Ana, tucking her into my side with my fingers tracing patterns on her arm. Ana passes him to me to burp him; I successfully draw two very large healthy burps.

"Good job little man, you're such a clever boy. Let's give you to mommy and see if you're still hungry." Ana tries him again with the other breast but he refuses and just yawns. I take him back off his mother and swaddle him, rocking him softly in my arms until he falls asleep.

After settling Matty back into his crib I pull off my sweats and wrap myself around my wife's very warm, very naked body. I pepper her slender neck with kisses as I thread my leg in between hers and cup her breast; it's not long before I'm sleeping once more.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

"Mommy, mommy wake up." I open my eyes and try to blink away the blurriness. When I eventually get my optical nerves to respond to my brain, Gracie is standing in her pink snuggly pyjama's crying.

"What's the matter baby?" I as her as I anchor the duvet under my arms, due to the fact that her father and I are stark naked under the quilt.

"I got sick, it's on the floor in my room, and it's on my jammies and I d-don't feel good."

"It's okay princess. Shh, it's okay—why don't you go to the bathroom and strip off your jammies and wrap yourself in a towel and mommy will bring you something clean to put on okay?" I rub her arm with my free hand before she goes into our en suite still crying. I get up and throw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, quickly pad down the hall to her bedroom. I ignore the pile of vomit on her pink carpet and all over the bed; which doesn't concern me right now. I grab a pair of Pyjama's and her pink blankie, which thankfully isn't covered in vomit.

I grab the electronic thermometer on the way to the bathroom to find Gracie hanging over the toilet being sick. I quickly go over to her and hold her hair with one hand and rub her back with the other.

"It's okay baby girl, mommy's here." I comfort her as she retches through her tears.

"I'm so-sorry, I wa-wasn't quick'nuff." She sobs, looking at the floor where she's been sick.

"It's alright sweetie, it's not your fault you got sick. Listen mommy needs to make sure you don't have a fever so can you keep this under your tongue for me?" I ask her and she nods sadly. I sit her down on the bench and quickly insert it into her mouth and she holds onto it for me. I clean up the vomit on the floor while we wait for the thermometer to beep. Once it's done I take it out and look at the reading.

_Fuck! 103.2 _

"Sweetie, I need you to stay here for a second and then we're getting you in a lukewarm bath."

"No mommy, please don't leave me." She holds onto me but I need to act fast.

"I need to go tell daddy, I promise… I'll just be out there for two seconds then I'm coming right back." She lets go of me and I quickly go back to the bedroom.

"Christian… Christian wake up." I shake his shoulder and his sleepy grey eyes open.

"Ana… what? Is the baby awake—"

"No, it's Gracie. She's vomiting and has a fever of 103.2; I need to get her in a lukewarm bath to try to reduce the fever."

"I'm calling my mother." He jumps up and pulls on the pyjama pants that were lying on the floor while I go back to Gracie. I turn the bath water on, allowing it to fill up with both hot and cold water.

"How do you feel baby, do you have any owies?" I ask her then search her body for any kind of rash. I'm trying really hard not to panic.

"Mmhm, my tummy hurts and I feel yucky." She rasps out, her throat sounds awful.

"What do you mean yucky? Does your throat hurt?"

"I think from when I went sick, I feel too hot and sticky." She clings to me as I sit down on the bench with her on my lap while we wait for the tub to fill up. I hate when the kids are sick, it makes me sick with worry.

"My mom's on her way. Hey love bug, mommy said you don't feel too good." He says as he crouches down in front of us.

"Daddy, I feel yucky and my hair smells bad." A new wave of tears ensues. Our daughter is sick as a dog and she's worried about her hair smelling bad.

"We'll get you cleaned up and I think you're hair smells pretty." He reassures her, kissing her forehead and frowning as he registers the warm clammy feel of her skin. He turns the taps off and tests the water; hopefully this will cool her down a little. I help her into the bath, using the sponge to pour the lukewarm water over her shoulders, chest and back.

"Ana, mom said to give her some Tylenol; I'm going to go get her some and bring up a drink."

"Kay." I answer, completely distracted with worry. A few moments later he comes back into the bathroom.

"I've got her drink and medicine ready for once she's out of the bath." He says with worry written all over his features.

"Thank you sweetheart." I smile at him as he sits on the bench beside the tub. I really couldn't ask for a better father for our children.

"Daddy, is Grammy coming to make me better?" She asks, her little bottom lip quivering. Gracie deemed the name 'Grandma' too old since her Grammy is young; she should have a young name. Grace was exceptionally elated when Gracie informed her of this change of title.

"Yep she is princess. She's on her way over here with her magic doctor bag."

"She'll make me feel better, do you promise?" She asks, raising her brow in clear challenge.

"Well I promise that she'll try bug." Christian reassures her without actually promising anything. I get her out of the bath and get her into clean pyjamas before Christian lifts her into his arms and gets her into bed.

"Can you take some of this medicine for daddy and I'll give you a drink afterward?" He asks as she snuggles into me.

"Will it make me better?" She asks with her face tucked into my neck.

"Well I hope so; can you at least try for me like a big girl?" She nods against me then pulls back with teary eyes. I hate it when any of the kids are sick because I feel so useless and can't do anything to take their pain and discomfort away.

Christian pours the pink medicine onto the spoon and Gracie opens up and takes it into her mouth, her little face screws up until Christian gives her a little sip of her flavoured water.

"Well done bug. Are you going to snuggle until Grammy gets here?" He asks her, gathering her hair into his hand and secures it with a hair tie to keep it out of her face. I have to stifle my snicker, who knew that braiding subs hair would turn out to be so beneficial?

She turns her body to me, wrapping her little body around me and falls asleep. I stroke her back and her hair as we wait for Grace to arrive. A short while later Taylor knocks on the bedroom door to inform us that Grace is on her way up to the house.

Christian goes down to greet his mother at the door and bring her upstairs. A few minutes later he shows her into the room.

"Hello darling, Christian said that Gracie is quite sick and has a high fever." She lays down her bag and sits down on the bed.

"I'll just take her temperature and see if it's lowered some." She pulls out a thermometer and places it under Gracie's arm.

"Grammy… are you gonna make me better?" Gracie sleepily asks, rubbing her eyes.

"I'm going to try bug." Grace smiles at her, holding her arm with the thermometer underneath it. "I'm just checking you're fever." After a few moments she removes it from under her arm and takes a look at the reading.

"It's not gone down, in fact it's gone up to 103.3. I have Kool Fever patches with me, can I put one on you baby girl?" She asks, removing the colorful package out of her bag to show Gracie. She gives her Grammy a nod. Grace takes one out and snaps the little disc inside the gel then peels the paper off the back before sticking it to Gracie's forehead.

"Well Gracie, how do you feel? Do you have any owies?"

"My tummy it feels all tight, and I feel sickie." She points to the right side of her tummy.

_Oh boy._

"Is it okay if I have a little feel and you can tell me where it hurts?" Gracie lifts her pyjama top and slowly presses over her tummy; I hold my breath when she reaches the right side of her lower abdomen and presses down.

"OWW!" She squeals as Grace Releases the pressure she placed on her right side. Christian gets up and begins to pace with his hands pulling his hair and a pained expression on his face.

"It hurts, mommy it hurts." She sobs, burying her face into my neck.

"I know baby, I know… shh, it's alright."

"Christian, Ana… can I speak with you for a second?" She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes and reaches out to grab Christian's arm as he paces the relatively small area beside our bed.

"Love bug, we're just going to stand out in the hall to speak with Grammy real quick, okay?" Gracie nods as she lies back on the mountain of pillows.

"Now listen to me Christian Grey… you are not allowed to panic because if you do, you're going to terrify your little girl. I am positive that Gracie has appendicitis; she'll be in surgery within the next few hours if I have my way, which I will. Ana, you need to get her robe and slippers so we can take her into the hospital.

_FUCK!_

I feel all the breath leave my body and my throat constricts. Surgery? My baby is going to go through surgery?

"Fuck, this isn't happening. Jesus." Christian rests his head on the wall while pulling his hair and I can't breathe.

"I know this is scary for you both but we need to get her admitted as quickly as possible. Ana, please go and get her robe and slippers and pack her a bag with clean pyjama's and underwear her toiletries."

_Take a deep breath, you can do this, you're a mother… this is what we do._

I quickly head into her bedroom, which reeks of vomit. I grab a few sets of pyjamas and a few nighties just in case the pyjamas will irritate her wounds. I grab her toothbrush and bubble berry toothpaste, and then return to her dresser because I forgot the underwear and on the way out of her room I grab her robe and her fluffy bootie slippers. I have everything in my arms and charge back into our bedroom like a woman possessed. I go into the closet and grab one of the holdalls, dumping everything inside except the robe and slippers.

I pass those to Grace who then gets Gracie into them.

"I'm just going to get the baby and I ready then I'm calling Gail and/or Lacy to watch Ted and Liv while we go to the hospital." I take a deep breath then leave the room to get Matthew wrapped up and into his snow suit.

"Whoa, Ana… baby, you aren't coming to the hospital. What about Matthew, we can't take him into the paediatric ward, he'll get sick. You are not going, end of discussion." I sigh heavily spinning around on my heel, I swear to all that is holy if he even attempts to stop me from going to the hospital with my sick daughter I will fucking end him.

"Christian, don't you dare try and tell me that I'm not going. Gracie is going to get surgery Christian… fucking surgery and you're going to attempt to tell me that I'm not 'allowed' to go and hold my daughters hand whilst she's put to sleep under anaesthesia? He is on breast milk Christian, it's full of antibodies so he won't get sick, now if you're quite finished telling me what I can and cannot do, I have a shit tonne of shit to do." I'm breathing heavily and slightly shaking when I turn back around and head into Mattie's nursery.

He's sleeping soundly so I grab various piles of clothing which I throw into his diaper bag, not paying attention to anything that I'm actually taking and grab a full pack of diapers from under the crib to take out to the car. Once that's done I grab his blue puffy snow suit and lay it out on the changing table. I gently lift him and manipulate his little sleeping body into the suit and zip it up. I pull on one of his cotton hats and lift the hood up to keep him snug. I go back into our bedroom, grabbing one of Christian's baggy hoodies and slip into my chucks. Everything looks pretty much set to go and I'm just about to call Gail when she pops her head around the door; she has one look at my face and knows it's bad then comes over and wraps me in a loving hug and it takes all that I am not to break down and cry like a baby.

"It's okay, she's a tough little cookie and she'll be back bouncing around the house before we know it and we'll be begging her to be quiet." Gail kisses my forehead then gives Gracie a kiss on her hot, flushed cheek before Christian lifts her into his arms and we go downstairs. Taylor is waiting with Matthew's carrier in hand wearing simple jeans and a hoodie; I don't think I've ever seen him this casual in front of Christian… ever.

I get Matthew strapped in and thankfully he's still sound asleep when I hand Taylor the carrier to secure in the back of the Q7. Christian heads out with Gracie while I grab my coat, purse and cell phone. Grace calls the hospital to inform them that we're coming in.

"Hello, can you patch me through to paed's please. Yes, it's Dr. Grace Trevelyan… I'm just calling ahead to inform you that I'm bringing in my four year old granddaughter with suspected appendicitis. I want a team prepped and ready for surgery once she's been admitted. Also, we'll need a rush on her labs, I want her white count checked just to be sure but I'm certain that she'll require surgery tonight Jen." Grace says goodbye and ends the call as we walk out and get into the car.

"I've spoken with Dr. Jennifer Gardner; she'll be the one performing the s.u.r.g.e.r.y." Grace announces, spelling out the dreaded 'surgery' word.

"Mommy, my owie hurts." I take her hand in mine where she's sitting in her booster seat and all I want to do is hold her in my arms forever and never let her go.

"I know, but Grammy, Daddy and I are going to take you to the hospital and they have this magic medicine that we hope will make you feel better."

"I hopes so too." I lean over and kiss her forehead; her skin still feels warm and clammy against my lips.

"We'll be there soon love bug." I rub soft circles on her hand as I hold it in my own.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

Matthew is sleeping on Christian's chest whilst I lay with Gracie, waiting for her to be taken down to the operating room, we've changed her into the colorful children's hospital gown so she's ready to go as soon as they come for us. Grace is observing during the surgery which makes me a little more comfortable. She pulled some strings and persuaded the hospital to allow Matthew to stay with us, and they're also giving us one of those fish tank cribs on wheels for him to sleep in.

"Mommy, is it gonna hurt?" Gracie asks, her eyes filling up with tears.

"No sweet girl, mommy will be right there with you, and I'll hold your hand until you fall fast asleep. Jen that we met earlier is going to take real good care of you. You have an owie in your tummy so they have to fix it to make you feel all better." I murmur, pressing my lips to her forehead. A nurse softly knocks on the door carrying disposable tray in her hand while pushing the fish tank crib into the room. I know she's here to insert a cannula into Gracie's hand. I hate needles so how the hell am I supposed to comfort and reassure my little girl when I'm shit scared of the sharp suckers myself.

"How're you feeling Miss Gracie?" The nurse asks in a soft whisper with a warm smile and perches on the free side of Gracie's bed.

"I feel yucky still. What's your name?" She asks, looking pale and clammy. I just want her to get better.

"My name is Emma sweetie, and your Grammy Grace asked me to look after you for your whole stay because all the kiddo's love having me to play with and I am extra gentle when giving you your medicine. Hey, you're a big girl right?" She asks, making sure.

"Uh huh. I'm a big girl and I have a widdle sister and brother."

"You do, wow. Since you're a big girl, do you think you could do me a reeeeally big favour?" Nurse Emma asks widening her eyes and I guess it's true what they say, it takes a special kind of person to be a paediatrics' nurse.

"Uh huh, but Emma… I have a really sore owie so I can't get up." She whispers as her bottom lip trembles and I'm finding it really hard to keep my emotions in line, especially since I'm still hormonal from having Matthew just two weeks ago. Nurse Emma places her tray on the wheelie table but it's far enough away that we can't see what's inside it, but close enough for Emma to reach.

"Do you see that picture behind your mommy?" She asks and Gracie's eyes shift over to take a look and then nods that she does see the poster which is just a mass of multi colored dots. Christian knows what's about to happen so he lays Matthew down in the fishy tank crib and comes over to sit beside me, holding onto my hand which is holding Gracie's.

"Well, Doc Jen wants to know how many blue dots and how many red dots are on that picture but I'm not clever enough to count 'em all. Do you think you could maybe help me out with that?" She asks with a bright smile, still perched on the edge of the bed.

"I can try…"

"Wow, that'll really help me out Gracie, hey listen… do you think I can take this magic cream off of your hand? And when it's time to count the dots will you try for me?"

"Mmhm, I'll try… I might not be good since I have a wreaaaaaly sore owie."

Nurse Emma removes the special numbing cream off the back of Gracie's hand and wipes it with one of those medi-wipes to prepare her for the needle. My stomach is doing backflips but that's only because I know what's about to happen.

"Hey Gracie, do you think I can hold your hand, it might help you when you're counting the dots?"

"Sure, my mommy always says to hold my friend's Lexis's hand if she asks, and you're my friend so that's okay… right mommy?" Gracie asks, turning to me and I have to blink back my tears. I kiss her forehead and nod with a smile because I don't trust my voice right now.

"Are you ready then Miss Gracie? Count the blue ones out loud and once we're finished we can do the red ones." Gracie nods and turns her little head around to face me and I brush her hair away from her eyes as Emma take's her hand and lifts the butterfly clip out of the tray. It's a little plastic tube with a tiny needle threaded inside, once the plastic tube has been inserted they will remove the needle and place a Band-Aid over the cannula.

"Okay, I'm gonna count 'em now Emma… are you listening?" Gracie asks.

"Yup, I'm ready when you are kiddo."

"Kay… one… two…free… four…" Gracie continues and I see Emma move the clip towards Gracie's hand and I hold my breath as Christian squeezes the hand he's holding. Gracie flinches when it's inserted, her eyes fill up and her chin wobbles but she doesn't stop counting, not for a second.

"You gave me a shot Emma… didn't you?" Gracie asks, staring into my eyes."

"I did and you were the bravest little squirt I've ever… ever given a shot to, you didn't squirm and you didn't even say ouch! It's all done now so you can have a look." Grace slowly turns her head around and notices the little tap attached to her hand which has a Dora Band-Aid around it.

"What's it for?" She asks while staring intently at it.

"Well, it's so that doc Jen and I can give you medicine without having to give you lots of shots, that way it won't hurt you. I think you deserve a very brave girl sticker." Emma announces, peeling a sticker of the sheet and sticking it onto her hospital gown. Just at that Grace and another nurse show up in full scrubs, including the caps and masks but they're hanging around their necks for the time being.

"So is mommy coming with us when we go to see Doc Jen or is daddy coming?" Emma asks. Gracie frowns as she tries to decide which one of us she wants to go with her.

"Love bug, listen… if you want mommy to go with you, daddy won't be upset and neither will mommy if you want daddy to go. It's totally up to you princess." Christian offers, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

"I want mommy cuz' she always makes my owies go away, and my bad dreams when she lies down with me." She says in a small voice, I have to turn away to discreetly wipe away the few tears that have slipped down my cheeks.

"That's okay sweetie, daddy will be here waiting on you after you see Doc Jen. You are my brave little girl and mommy will be there when you fall asleep and we'll both be here when you wake up. I love you so much love bug." Christian says as he takes her face in his hands and kisses her forehead. His eyes screw up before he pulls away as if it's physically paining him to watch us leave.

"I love you too daddy, you're the bestest daddy in the whole wide world and once I'm better will you buy me somethin' cool for bein' brave?" We all laugh at that.

"Of course, I'll buy you something for being the bravest little girl in the world. I love you bug."

"Ana… I love you, and I'll see you once you come back up." He kisses me briefly on the lips before pulling away and meets his mother's eyes. "Take care of my little girl." He whispers emotionally and takes a step back as I hold Gracie's hand and both nurses take the brakes off her bed and start wheeling us down the hall towards the operating theatre.

I definitely didn't expect for this turn of events when I woke up this morning.

* * *

_A/N: See you were all freaking out thinking that Christian was going to cheat again, I actually didn't plan this, the chapter sort of wrote itself…_

_I hope you've enjoyed it and I also hope that I haven't got too much medical stuff incorrect, please let me know if I have and I'll re-edit. Please R&R… I really want to reach 4000+ reviews so if you can help with that I'd appreciate it ;)_

_Love  
-Susie, xo_


	86. Chapter 86: My brave baby

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

**~o0o~ Broken Hearted~o0o~  
**_Minor tissue warning._

"Where's mommy?" Gracie asks, her voice wavering and scared.

"She's just gone to put on some special clothes like what Nurse Emma and I are wearing darling. Don't worry; do you think Grammy would let anyone do anything before mommy gets back to hold your hand?"

"No, but I'm scared and I wan mommy." I hear her tears starting and I take a few deep breaths before wiping my eyes and going back into pre-op.

"I'm right here love bug." I hold onto her hand and she squeezes tightly.

"Y-you l-l-ook s-s-silly m-mommy!" Her teeth are chattering as she takes in my outfit of blue scrubs and hair cap.

"Oh well, I thought I looked pretty in blue?" I say in mock shock, but she doesn't even crack a smile. "Are you cold, do you need another blanket?" I whisper against her cheek.

"I don't wana get the owie out… I wana go home." She starts sobbing so I carefully lift her head and slip my arm underneath and stroke her hair.

"Listen to mommy for a second; do you remember how much your owie hurt before we came to the hospital?" I ask her, looking into her watery eyes and she nods slightly, focusing on my eyes.

"It was really sore wasn't it?" She nods her response with tears streaming down her pale cheeks. "Do you remember how yesterday when you came home from kindergarten you asked daddy and I if you could go play at Lexi's house?"

"Uh huh." She frowns, unable to see where I'm going with this, I may be bias but my four year old is a genius.

"Well… if you're a really brave girl, and get your owie out... daddy and I will invite Lexi, her mommy and daddy over and we'll ask if you girls can have a sleep over at our house when you're all better. How does that sound?"

"Otay, but… don't leave me mommy, will you stay 'till I'm asleep and will you be there wen I waked up? Do you promise?" She gives me her Gracie girl famous raised brow and causes both Grace and I to start giggling.

"I promise you I am not leaving until you're fast asleep, and the second you open your eyes mommy will be right there, you're so brave baby."

"Otay, can I be brave but scared and cry at the same times?"

"Gracie being brave means that you're really scared to do something, but you have the courage to go through with it, and no matter what you'll always be my brave little girl, but... sweetie there is nothing to be afraid of because…"

"Mommy said s-so." She whispers with tears running down her temples and disappear into her hair and I continue to wipe them away as best as I can.

"Okay, are we ready Miss Gracie?" Doc Jen asks in a soft voice and Gracie gives her a brief but sad smile and nods. I take her little hand in mine and kiss her forehead.

"Squeeze my hand if you're afraid; squeeze it as hard as you can." She takes my hand with death grip and I feel like she is the only thing tethering me to the earth right now. I'm terrified for my little girl but I have to be strong because she needs me.

"I'm just going to give you this special medicine sweetie and don't worry it won't hurt, it'll just feel a little cold, then you'll fall asleep and wake up with mommy, daddy and Matthew before you know it." The anaesthesiologist says as she steps forward with a syringe full of milky white liquid to put my baby asleep, she opens the cap of her cannula and connects the syringe, slowly pushing down the plunger down a little, then waits. Gracie gasps as she feels the cool liquid in her vein and starts to panic, I can tell she's about to go into full scale sobbing.

"Look into mommy's eyes; do you think mommy would ever let anyone harm you?" I ask her with pure conviction and she shakes her head.

"Because why?" I ask her with a sad smile.

"Because I'm you're Gracie girl and you love me lots and lots?" I giggle sadly and I feel Grace's hand slip into mine and for that I'm thankful because right now I feel like my heart is in a vice.

"That's right bug, now close your eyes..." I move my lips to her ear "Sing our song with me baby."

_"I love you, __  
__you love me._  
_We're a happy fam-a-lee._  
_With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you._  
_Won't you say you love me too?_

_I love you, __  
__you love me._  
_We're best friends like friends should be._  
_With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you._  
_Won't you say you… love… me… too?"_

"Sweet dreams Gracie girl, I'll be right here—" I place my hand over her heart and kiss her forehead "—until you open your eyes. I love you… so, so much." Grace pulls me into a hug before passing me to Nurse Emma who takes me to the recovery suite to wait on her coming out of surgery.

When we arrive Christian is sitting on the chair, next to the empty spot where Gracie's bed will be when her surgery is over with his head in his hands and I break. I fall into his arms and sob because I'm terrified.

"Is she alright, is Gracie alright?" Christian pulls back from me and cups my face in his hands and I barely manage to nod before burying my face in his chest.

"Gracie is fine, she was really afraid of getting the surgery but your wife did an amazing job of reassuring her and calming her down, I didn't have anything to do. Usually I'm trying to calm them both but… you have an incredibly strong wife. Gracie will be back in here before you know it. Just give me a buzz if you need anything."

"Thank you Nurse Emma, you've been really kind to us and we appreciate it." Christian says while I wrap my arms around his waist and sob. Nurse Emma leaves the room and lifts me up and takes a seat with me curled up in his lap.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, his lips pressing against my forehead.

"She was… so scared and I didn't know what to say or do because I'm even more afraid than she is right now. I just want her in my arms, happy and healthy… why when everything just starts getting back to normal, something comes along pulls the rug out from under us and we're right back to square one?" Christian kisses my hair and rubs my back.

"I don't know baby, I wish I had the answer but I don't. We just have to believe that we're strong enough to stand up to whatever life throws at us and promise that we'll get through it together, as a team and a family. You know that my mom won't let anything happen to her, right?"

"I know." I say, even though I don't, Grace is a great doctor… but she can't make miracles happen and things go wrong in operating rooms all the time.

"Ana, stop. Nothing is going to happen to Gracie, it's a relatively minor laparoscopy surgery and she will be just fine."

_How does he always know what I'm thinking?_

After twenty minutes of pacing Matthew wakes up and starts to cry, looking for his next feed. I take a deep breath and go over to the fish tank that he's currently squirming in.

"It's okay sweet boy, mommy's here." I hear Christian release a deep breath, was he really worried that I'd ignore my son just because his big sister is ill?

"Did you think I was going to ignore or neglect my son because Gracie is ill?" I ask in a hushed whisper, livid won't begin to describe how I'll feel if that's the case.

"What? No, god no… I'm worried about you, as my wife because I can't bear to see you upset and anxious and I'm worried as a father about our daughter. I know you'd never, ever ignore or neglect our children and to be honest I'm a little offended that you'd think me capable of that!" His voice is quiet and pained.

"Christian, I'm sorry… I didn't…" I look to the floor as my eyes fill with even _more_tears. "I didn't... mean it." A sob echoes around the empty room and Christian's strong arms seal me in a loving embrace.

"It's okay, shh… I just hate seeing you like this, I hate seeing our daughter in pain but we have to believe and have faith that she'll be okay." He wipes away my tears with his thumb and kisses my lips softly.

"I just want her in my arms, but you're right—" I take a deep breath and fill my voice with steely determination "—Gracie will be fine." He gives me a soft smile and kisses my forehead before taking my free hand.

"Come sit down, our son needs some needs some time with my breasts." Christian says with a smirk, looking like a naughty little boy. I slap his shoulder playfully and shake my head as I sit down with Matthew.

"It's okay sweet boy." I lift my shirt up and over my right breast, while my left is still hidden and pull down the cup to reveal my nipple then Christian guides him to latch on. He suckles greedily and Christian wraps a blanket over Matthew and up onto my chest so that we're both covered up. He lays one arm around my shoulders, softly stroking my arm with his fingers and with the other he supports some of our son's weight. He leans over and nuzzles his nose in my hair and peppers my temple with soft kisses which settles some of the anxiety gnawing at the pit of my stomach.

All that's left for us to do is wait.

**~o0o~ Broken Hearted~o0o~**

It's been two hours and fifteen minutes since I left Gracie in the operating theatre. Grace advised us that it should only take approximately an hour at most. What the hell is taking them so long? Christian is pacing the length of the room, we asked Nurse Emma what was going on but all she could tell us was that they're still in surgery and unfortunately we won't be able to get any answers until the procedure is finished.

"Christian… what's taking them so long? I just—I just want my b-baby b-back." Sobs wrack from my chest and Christian instantly wraps his arms around me and tucks my head under his chest. My hands grip his shirt in my closed fists and I just cry.

Kate, Elliot and Ava are over at our place to help Gail with the kids since Olivia has been having tantrums since she realised I wasn't there when she woke up. Christian and I are both at a loss as to what to do in this situation. He's trying to be strong for me but I can tell that he's every bit as terrified as I am.

"Baby, I know you're scared, I am too—but we've got to stay strong, Gracie is going to be just fine. Once she's better, why don't we take the whole family to Florida, we can book a couple of suites at the best hotel in Magic Kingdom? Do you think she'd like that?" He asks his face etched with worry that he's trying to hide from me.

"I think she'd like that very much, you're a wonderful father Mr. Grey." I lean up and place a chaste kiss to his lips. He wraps his arms around me and Matty, cocooning us in his love. A little while later, Grace knock's on the door looking pale and tired. My chest constricts and my heart races. I try to speak but my words are hitched in my throat.

"Ana… Christian. I'm sorry we've taken so long. We had a bit of a worrying complication. The surgery went well, everything was straight forward until we tried to bring her out of the anaesthesia and she wouldn't respond." A pained sob escapes my throat and echo's around the room. I try to listen to what Grace is saying but all I can hear is my blood pounding in my ears.

"Ana… darling, she's fine. She's okay; we just had difficulty getting her out of the anaesthesia. They're bringing her up in the next five minutes. She probably won't be lucid for another hour or so, and she'll just want to sleep on and off for the rest of the night due to the pain medication she'll be given when she comes up." I take deep breaths and feel Christian's arms wrapping around me, tucking me into his side and kissing my hair, my sobs have now turned into that of relief.

"Thanks mom, so what happens now? How long will they want to keep her here?"

"Well, she'll be given some anti-biotic through her IV to help fight off any remaining bacteria from her appendix and as long as her wounds are healing nicely she should be released within 24 – 48 hours. Trust me, I'll be glad when this is all over, that girl has given me at least forty grey hairs in the last two hours." Grace chuckles and shakes her head. She reaches over and rubs her hand up and down my arm, trying to offer me a little comfort.

"I promise Ana... she's fine. She'll home before you know it, and driving you both crazy." I pull away from Christian and hold onto Grace, turning my head into her neck as I cry.

"Thank you for staying down there with her, I've been going out of my mind but I'd have been fifty times worse if you weren't down there with her." She pulls back and kisses my forehead.

"I wouldn't have had it any other way." Just as she steps back Nurse Emma opens the door and another nurse I don't recognize push Gracie's bed back into the room, manoeuvring it into its original position. The other nurse leaves the room while Nurse Emma stays to take our daughter's vitals. She makes quick notes in Gracie's chart then attaches a syringe to her IV.

"I'm just giving her a little pain relief, since we expect there to be a little discomfort around the incision sites. Can you please give me a little buzz when she wakes up and we can transfer her out of recovery and into a better room? I'm assuming either one or both of you will be staying with her, so you'll need a room with an extra bed so you can both get some sleep?"

"Thank you Nurse Emma, we'll buzz you when she wakes and we'd appreciate the extra bed." Christian smiles briefly but my eyes are locked on my daughters sleeping form.

"C-can I go over to her?" I ask in a shaky voice.

"Of course, just go over and hold her hand. She wanted your face to be the first she'd see, remember?" Nurse Emma asks with a reassuring smile. "I'll just be out at the nurses' station if you need anything just use that buzzer and I'll come straight through." She points to the remote control that's attached to the wall then leaves the room.

I tentatively go over to her bed, taking her little hand in mine and rub my thumb back and forth over her knuckles. I lean over and kiss her forehead with tears in my eyes.

"Hey love bug, you're owie is all gone sweet girl. I love you Phoebe Grace Grey, mommy and daddy love you so very much. Please sweetheart, can you wake up for me?" I lift her small hand to my lips and place a gentle kiss on the back. I feel Christian's arms side around my shoulders and I grip onto his forearms that are crossed over my chest and I just cry while he murmurs words of comfort and reassurance with his lips pressed against my hair.

"She'll wake up when she's ready baby. She's had a very traumatic night and she needs her rest." Christian tells me, trying to keep his voice even and sensitive.

"I know… I guess I just want her to open her eyes and hear her sweet voice so that I know she's alright." He moves my hair over one shoulder and brushes his lips along my neck.

"Baby, she's fine… you need to relax." He whispers against my skin then traces tiny circles against that sweet spot under my ear with his tongue. I take a deep breath and exhale, allowing myself to go lax in his arms.

"I love you Mr. Grey." I murmur, tilting my head back against his shoulder so he can lay a kiss on my lips.

"I love you too Mrs. Grey."

Christian takes me over to the couch that's in the recovery suite; he sits down then pulls me onto his lap, comfortingly running his hand up and down my thigh.

"You know how Gracie asked for something really cool for being brave and getting the surgery?" He asks and I nod my head, which is currently tucked under his chin.

"Well what do you think she'd like?" He asks, brushing his lips against my hair.

"I don't know, I think she'll be pretty excited about Disney world and I'm not sure any gift will be able to top that. Oh what about an iPad, she's always borrowing mine?" I pull back to look at his beautiful face.

"What about getting her a puppy?" He asks, his grey eyes sparkling.

"Who are you and what have you done with Mr. I-don't-want-anything-that's-fluffy-and-capable of-shitting-all-over-our-house'?" I ask mocking him and the answer he's always given whenever the kids and I would beg for a dog.

"Oh Mrs. Grey, that was a terrible impersonation of me, and I just think that after what she's just been through, she deserves something that she's always wanted, which is a puppy. Like last week, she came home from Kindergarten and she looked pretty bummed out so I asked her what was up and she went into her backpack and showed me a photo of a little girl and some small, bug-eyed little creature." He pauses and kisses the tip of my nose with a smile.

"So, why was she bummed out about the photo?" I ask, of course I already know because Gracie told me all about it, but Christian doesn't know that.

"Well, it seems that the photo was of her friend Rachel and her new puppy Max. Rachel had brought the photos in to show her friends because her dad had bought her the little dog. It's one of those bug eyed little dogs, you know the one's with the pointy ears, really yappy and small?" He explains, trying to describe the breed of the dog.

"Chihuahua?" I offer I know I'm right because Gracie let me see the photo too.

"Yeah, I think so… anyway, Rachel had the little creature in some sort of outfit and Gracie thought it was, and I quote 'Soooo cute' I just felt bad for the poor thing, it's a boy dog and she had it in a pink dress tutu thing, it's gonna be one confused little dog!" I smile at my husband; he really is a wonderful father.

"So, you really want to get Gracie a dog?" I whisper, running my fingers through his soft copper locks.

"Yeah, I want to get her one of those bug eyed little dogs. I was thinking that we could go pick out the dog tomorrow, get all the stuff we need for it, take it to the vet to get its shots and when Gracie is released from the hospital, we can have the dog waiting for her at home with a bow tied around its neck." He finishes with his shy smile and I kiss his lips passionately.

"You *kiss* are *kiss* a *kiss* wonderful *kiss* father *kiss* Mr. Grey *kiss*"

"I am?" He asks and I nod pulling his bottom lip with my teeth

"You are!"

"M-mommy?" Gracie croaks out and I quickly jump off Christian's lap and run over to my daughter's bedside.

"I'm here love bug, mommy's right here." I push her wayward curls out of her sleepy grey eyes.

"I need a dwink." I kiss her forehead, her nose and her lips. Christian presses the buzzer to alert Nurse Emma that we need her.

"How do you feel baby?" I ask her in a soft voice, while running my fingers through her curls.

"I wreally thirsty, and my tummy itchy." She rasps, as she tries to sit up but I hold onto her shoulders, unsure if she's allowed to be moving.

"You can't get up yet baby; we have to wait until Nurse Emma checks you out." She nods and reaches out to hold my hand.

"Otay." I wrap my arm around her shoulders, kissing her forehead as we wait. A few moments later Nurse Emma comes into the room.

"She's awake, she said her tummy is itch and she needs a drink." I say to Nurse Emma as she comes over and sits on the edge of Gracie's bed.

"Hello Miss Gracie, are you thirsty sweetie?" She asks and Gracie nods.

"I have some peach flavoured water here, would it be alright for her to get some of that?" I ask, reaching for the bottle of water.

"Yeah sure, I'll just get you a cup for her then we can sit her up for a little bit." Nurse Emma leaves the room and returns a few minutes later. I pour some of the water into the cup as Nurse Emma adjusts the bed so that Gracie is now semi-upright.

"Here sweet-pea, do you want me to hold it or can you do it yourself?" I ask her and she reaches for the cup with both hands.

"Small sips, we don't want you to be sick so don't gulp it princess." Christian says, sitting down beside me on one of the plastic chairs at the side of Gracie's bed. She has a couple of sips then hands the cup back to me.

"Is that better?" I ask and she nods.

"I have to ask you a few questions Miss Gracie is that alright?" Nurse Emma asks, taking a pen out of her pocket.

"Uh huh, what's you gotta ask?"

"Do you feel sick?" Nurse Emma asks and Gracie shakes her head.

"Does your tummy hurt?"

"No, it just itchy scratchy." Gracie responds with a frown. Nurse Emma asks a few more questions then takes Gracie's temperature, blood pressure and pulse. Then we're transferred out of recovery and back into the paediatrics department. Christian pushed Matty in the fish tank on wheels into our private room which thankfully has an extra bed and an en-suite. The position Gracie's bed into the empty bay and then Nurse Emma attaches a bag of anti-biotic to her IV and gives us some Disney DVD's for Gracie to watch since our room has a TV.

"Mommy, can you watch sleeping beauty wif me?" She asks, looking through the movies once Christian takes Matty for a walk whilst he calls everyone to let them know that Gracie is awake and doing well.

"Sure bug, is Belle you're favourite Disney princess?" I ask she will be so excited when she learns that we're going to Disney world. She pats the empty space on her bed, wanting me to get in beside her but I'm afraid that I'll hurt her.

"Yeah, I like Belle cause you look like her mommy, and she likes books just like you, can you get in besided me?"

"I don't think I'm allowed to be in your bed sweetheart, but I'll sit beside you if that's alright with you?" Her face falls and her bottom lip trembles.

"Pees mommy, I wana snuggle wif you?" My baby girl looks so sad, I sigh with a smile as I ask her to scoot over a little so I can get into the bed on the opposite side of her IV. I wrap my arm around her and she lays her head on my chest and we settle into watching the movie. A few moments later Christian returns to the room with Matty.

"What's mommy doing in your bed bug? Is there any room left for me and your little brother?" Christian asks with a grin.

"Nope, sorry daddy, we might be abled to squeeze Mashoo in, but you're too big!" Gracie giggles, Christian meets my eyes and we both breathe a sigh of relief knowing our baby girl is going to be just fine.

**~o0o~ Broken Hearted~o0o~**

Gracie is in the middle of watching Aladdin and eating ice-cream while I feed Matthew. Christian has popped out with Jason to go buy something special for Gracie, since she was brave… that way she'll be doubly surprized when she comes home and gets her puppy, which we still have to buy!

I lay Matthew down in his little fish tank crib to see if I can get him to fall asleep. He's missing his swing so I push him back and forth in the crib, hoping that the motion will help him drift off. Thankfully, after ten minutes he's sound asleep.

"Mommy, is Mashoo asleeps?" She asks in a whisper, her face is covered in strawberry ice-cream which makes me giggle.

"Yeah baby he's asleep, and you have ice-cream all over your face." I grab a pack of wipes and clean her sticky face and hands.

"Is daddy comin' back?" She asks.

"Yep, he just had to go out with Uncle Jason to get us some dinner, they'll be back soon."

"I like the Genie of the lamp mommy, he's funny." She giggles as the Genie sings an upbeat tune when he turns Aladdin into Prince Alebaba.

A little while later Christian and Jason stroll into the room bearing gifts. The aroma of the food they've brought is making my mouth water.

"What you got daddy?" Gracie asks with a wide smile.

"Well, a certain little lady asked me for a really cool gift for being brave; do you have any idea who that little lady could be?" He asks her, scratching his head.

"It was me daddy, I was real brave getting my owie out!" Christian comes over with a sparkly gift bag and hands it over to Gracie.

"I hope you like it bug, it took ages for daddy to figure out what to get you!" He winks at me and I smirk knowingly. Gracie doesn't have a clue that once she gets out of hospital, she'll come home to find a puppy that belongs to her and a family vacation to Disney world!

Gracie opens the bag and pulls out a rectangular package that's wrapped in pink paper with ballerinas printed all over it.

"Hmm, I wonder what that could be... any idea's mommy?" Christian asks me and I shake my head dramatically.

"Nope, not got a clue daddy… why don't you open it and we can find out what you've got?" I ask Gracie and she smiles big. She excitedly rips off the wrapping paper and gasps.

"DADDY, YOU GOTS ME AN IPAD? AND A PINK CASE?!" She squeals, throwing her arms around Christian's neck from her position on the bed, and then winces as she forgets that she's just had surgery.

"Be careful bug, I don't want you to hurt yourself!" Christian scolds her mildly but she still beams at him.

"We got it all set up for you, there's lots of Disney games on there, all your favourite songs from the movies are on the iPod app, plus there's lots and lots of Disney movies and your favourite shows from the Disney channel.

"Wreally daddy? That's so cool; you're the bestest daddy in the whole wide world!" She kisses his cheek and hugs him tightly. "Can you show me how to worked it daddy?" Gracie asks and they start playing the games and watching her favourite Disney channel shows.

I am absolutely exhausted so I curl up on the other bed and try to have a little nap while Matty is sleeping it doesn't take me long to drift off to sleep.

**~o0o~ Broken Hearted~o0o~**

"Ana, wake up baby… Matthew needs to eat I think." Christian whispers against my cheek.

"Ewww, daddy you always kiss mommy… it's gross!" I hear Gracie giggle, I eventually manage to open my eyes.

"I like kissing your mommy bug; she's got soft, kissable lips so I can't help it!" I giggle and shake my head as I sit up. Matthew is in his father's arms, squirming and getting himself all agitated.

"Oh little man, are you hungry?" I coo to my son as Christian lays him in my arms with a blanket and a burp cloth. I quickly get him to latch and cover us both so that no one will catch a glimpse of the goods.

Taylor knocks on the suite door and Christian tells him to come in.

"I have everything you requested sir, and I picked up your order from Canlis." He sets down a holdall on the floor when Gracie looks up and notices Taylor.

"Uncle Jason! Look, I'm coloring Cinderella's dress for the ball!" She excitedly tells Taylor, beckoning him to go over to see the game she's currently playing on her iPad.

"Wow, that's real pretty Gracie. How are you feeling anyway little lady?" He smiles at her, kissing her forehead.

"I okay, just a little bit of a sore tummy and its real itchy scratchy."

"I'm sure it'll get better soon sweetie." He steps back from Gracie's bed and sets a cooler on top of the little table on wheels. "Here's your dinner sir, is there anything else I can get you both?"

"No thanks Taylor, Ana… do you need anything?" Christian asks and I shake my head. "As long as I have a change of clothes and something to eat, then I'm fine!"

"Well, I think that's everything Taylor, thank you." Christian says and Taylor gives him his customary nod.

"I'll see you later Gracie." Taylor grins and Gracie reaches out for a hug.

"Bye-bye Uncle Jason." He quickly takes his leave and Christian opens up the cooler, removing two plates, a bowl, eating utensils, a basket of bread rolls, a thermos, a few plastic containers of food and some linen napkins.

He quickly pours out Gracie's chicken soup, then wheels the tray over to her with a bread roll for dipping.

"I want you to eat it all up for me baby girl, chicken soup always makes me feel better!" Gracie picks up her spoon and starts slurping her soup hungrily in between bites of her roll; I can't help but smirk over at my husband.

"What?" He asks with a cheeky smile.

"I think we could have survived on hospital food for one night, you didn't have to order in four star dining." I giggle as he hands me a plate with my favourite dish from Canlis, Crab cakes and truffle fries, with sour-cream and chive dip.

After we finish eating, we hide the evidence back inside the cooler. Doc Jen makes her rounds and checks over Gracie's incisions.

"Everything looks as it should and I don't foresee any problems arising if we keep the wounds clean and free of infection. I'll come back and check her over in the morning but if everything stays as it is, I don't see any problem in discharging her tomorrow afternoon." She smiles as she pulls Gracie's pyjama top back down and disposes of her rubber gloves.

"Does that means I getta go home tomorrow doc Jen?" Gracie asks excitedly.

"I don't know honey, we'll have to see how you are in the morning, but hopefully you'll get to go home either tomorrow, or the day after okay?"

"Okay, I really hope I getta go home tomorrow, cuz my baby sister can get into my bedroom and she messes up all my toys if I'm not there." Christian and I chuckle hearing Gracie talk about her little sister, and she's right, Olivia does like sneaking into her bedroom and messing up her stuffed animal collection.

"What age is your little sister?" Doc Jen asks Gracie, I like the fact that our daughter's doctor is genuinely interested in her patient's life.

"She's… mommy, how old is Livvy?" She asks with a frown.

"Olivia is nineteen months, and we have an older son too, he's ten and Matthew is our youngest and he's just two weeks old."

"Wow, you certainly have your hands full." Doc Jen laughs, giving Gracie a high five before taking her leave.

I throw a burp cloth over my shoulder and start the rub, pat, rub, pat routine until he gives me a satisfying, loud burp.

"Good job little man." I fix my shirt and switch him over to my left breast which is still aching.

Once I've finished feeding Matthew, I hand him over to Christian to swaddle and rock him to sleep.

"Gracie, which movie do you want to watch whilst you go to sleep?" I ask her, running my fingers through her curls.

"Uhh… Nemo, I wana watch Finding Nemo mommy." I'm just putting the disc into the DVD player when Nurse Emma comes into the room and removes the empty anti-biotic bag from the IV pole.

"I'm going to take your IV out sweetie since you don't need it anymore okay, do you want mommy to hold your other hand?" Nurse Emma asks, perching herself on the edge of Gracie's bed.

"Uh huh… will it hurt Nurse Emma?" She frowns, her eyes filling up with tears.

"No sweetie, it won't hurt." She tries to reassure my daughter but Gracie grabs onto my hand and squeezes real tight whiles Nurse Emma takes off the Band-Aid, then places a cotton ball over the top of the cannula, then presses down and slips it out.

"Well done missy, you didn't say ouch that time either. I think you must be the bravest little girl I've ever treated!" Nurse Emma announces as she puts a small circular Band-Aid over the spot where the cannula was inserted.

"Did you hear that mommy, I'm the bravest ever! Nurse Emma looks what my daddy got me for bein' super brave!" She proudly grabs her iPad and shows it to her nurse.

"Wow, see you got such a great present because you're so brave!" Nurse Emma says with an indulgent smile. Another nurse comes into the room and Nurse Emma gives all of Gracie's information to the other nurse since its shift change.

"Well, it was nice meeting you Gracie; you might be gone before I come back into work tomorrow night."

"You're the bestest Nurse, Emma." Gracie announces and grabs Emma into a hug.

"And you're the bestest patient Gracie. It was nice meeting you both." Nurse Emma says to Christian and I.

"It was nice to meet you too Nurse Emma, thanks for all your help." I say, shaking her hand.

"It's no problem Mrs. Grey; oh my he's just a little cutie!" She giggles as she takes a peak at Christian Grey junior. Then grabs the IV pole and with a final wave, she takes her leave.

"Hi Gracie, my names Danielle, but you can call me Danni and I'll be looking after you tonight."

"Hi Danni… I'm gonna watch Finding Nemo with mommy."

"Well, can I give you this special medicine first?" She asks, and Gracie grimaces.

"I guess… but is the medicine yucky? If it's yucky can I have some juice after?" She asks hopefully and Nurse Danni nods with a smile. The majority of the nurses in the paediatrics department have been really nice and very good with the kids. There's nothing worse than being in hospital with a battle axe as a care provider!

She measures out the medicine onto a spoon and quickly gives it to Gracie who screws up her little face; Christian quickly passes her a glass of juice to take the yucky taste away.

"Yuck! Danni… that special medicine didn't taste too good!" She shudders and shakes her head with a frown.

"I'm sorry sweetie; it'll make you feel better though. Remember if you need anything, just give us a buzz and we'll come straight through." She turns to leave and catches sight of Christian for the first time and you can actually visibly see her swoon, which makes me and Gracie snicker!

"I… I'll… I'll be right o-out there." She blushes and quickly makes her escape.

"Daddy, she liiiikes you, she wants to looove you, she wants to kiiiiiss you!" Gracie giggles from her bed and I can't help but join in.

"Well I don't wana do any of those things." Christian shudders and shakes his head.

"Okay kiddo, lets watch this movie and I want you to be asleep before its finished missy!"

"I will be mommy, as long as you get in wif me. I need someone to snuggle with." She pouts, giving me the puppy dog eyes.

"You don't need anyone to snuggle with at home, you're a big girl." I say in an effort to get out of it, I'm too afraid that I'll hurt her.

"But mommy, I'm in sospital and you gosta snuggle with people in sospital." I can't help but giggle, she has me wrapped around her little finger and she knows it.

"I've got to get my pyjamas on baby girl, and we both have to brush our teeth. Daddy, you can get changed out here while we get ready for bed in the bathroom." Christian nods as I root through the holdall Taylor brought in for us and pass Christian his pyjama pants. I'm supposed to be sleeping on the spare bed and a nurse brought us one of those awful recliners for Christian to sleep in, along with a blanket and pillow.

Once Gracie and I have got our teeth brushed and changed into our pyjama's I help her into bed and turn the DVD on.

"Night mommy, night daddy." Gracie mumbles, her eyes drooping already.

"Night baby girl, mommy loves you so much." I kiss her forehead as she snuggles into me and Christian leans over for a quick kiss from his little princess.

"Night princess, I love you very, very much." He kisses her forehead once more then gives me a quick but sound kiss on the lips before slipping into the spare bed. I raise my brow at him in question.

"I'm just keeping it warm for you baby." He smirks at me then focuses on the movie. It isn't long before I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. I am just so happy that my little girl is going to be alright. I lay with her for a little longer and when I'm sure she's sound asleep, I get up and turn the TV off and shake Christian's shoulder.

"Baby?" He squints at me, trying to keep his eyes open. He hasn't slept at all since I woke him up in the early hours of yesterday morning.

"Move over a little, I want to get in beside you." I whisper and Christian pushes himself back so that he's pressed against the wall and I get in, my back to his front. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me against him, nuzzling his nose in my hair.

"G'night baby." He moves my hair and kisses my neck.

"Night Christian, I love you." I whisper before falling into a deep sleep.

* * *

_Yayyy… Gracie's okay! You didn't think I'd let something bad happen to my favourite kid do you? Oops, I'm not supposed to have favourites am I? Oh well!_

_Never did I think, for even a minute nanosecond that I'd ever come anywhere close to 4000 reviews. It's crazy, and I'm so close to reaching that milestone that I can almost taste it. I think there's another three chapters left before I reach the epilogue and even though I'll be sad to see the story end, there will be an explosive sequel which will not involve any type of cheating. Those chapters of their lives are over (pun intended!). _

_I am also starting a new story, entitled 'Chasing Stars' with the awesome author 'Greytosteele' if you haven't already read her story 'A different path for Ana' then go read it, and as a bonus its already complete!_

_Laters baby!  
-S, xo_


	87. Chapter 87: Welcome to the family!

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

Grace and Kate have brought Ava and Teddy in to see Gracie and look after Matthew so that Christian and I can go pick out her puppy since she's getting discharged this afternoon. We thought it would be better to involve Teddy in the big reveal, because even though the puppy will be Gracie's we'll all get to enjoy him or her. I don't know who will be more excited about getting this puppy, Gracie or me?

"Ana, you're fucking bouncing like a kid that's high on sugar."

"I knooooow but I'm just so excited. Mom would never let me get a dog when I was younger and when I went to live with Ray, he had a strict 'no fur' policy so I'm a little excited okay! Oh, and it was a nice idea getting that puppy app, now we know which color of dog to get her."

"That was a good idea huh! I'm not just a pretty face baby!"

"Nope, you're not just a pretty face, but a pretty face you do have!" I say with a giggle as we pull into the parking lot of Paws and Claws pet store. Christian parks the SUV and comes around to open my door and help me out.

"Such a gentleman." I cluck my tongue on the roof of my mouth and give my best seductive expression.

"What I would do to that smart mouth Mrs. Grey. Let's go inside and find our daughter the perfect puppy!"

"Okay!" I squeal as I take his hand and exit the SUV. We walk hand in hand into the large pet store. We immediately go to the dog section; thankfully we've decided to go to a reputable pet store that doesn't keep their puppies in those awful small cages. All the puppies are in playpens so they can run around and have fun, just like puppies should.

"Ooooh, look at them. Christian, they're so cuuute!" He looks at me for a second then bursts into laughter.

"What?" I ask with my hands on my hips.

"Now I know where Gracie picked up the habit of extending certain words. Let's pick out a little guy for our baby girl, although she did say she wanted a little girl puppy because you can give them 'cuuute' names"

"So we're getting a little girl, but they break down and stuff… twice a year I think. At least we won't have to worry about a little boy coming home with three extra heartbeats."

"Will we have to call triple A?" I turn around and give him a pointed look.

_Really Christian?_

"Sorry, I couldn't resist it was too good of an opportunity to be a smart ass!" He chuckles as he leans over the playpen that holds six Chihuahua puppies. One tri-colored puppy that is brown, black and white comes trotting over to us and is intent on jumping up in attempt to get into our arms.

"He's attempting a prison break!" He laughs, reaching down to stroke the tiny puppy. He's cute.

"Well he's the right color for sure; it doesn't look like there's a little girl of his coloring though." He's practically a replica of the puppy she created on the app except the one on the app was a little girl and that little pup is most definitely male.

"Hi, welcome to Paws and Claws my name is Sophia, can I offer you any assistance?" Sophia asks, bending down to drop a handful of treats on the floor of the playpen. All of the puppies bound across to gobble them up, except the little guy that Christian is stroking.

"We're here to buy a Chihuahua puppy for our daughter; I think we're going to get this little guy here!" Christian says to Sophia as he stands upright. The pup he was stroking sits down, whining from the loss of contact and begins his jumping up to escape like before but stumbles and ends up lying on his tummy with his four paws splayed out, he's quite adorable.

"I think he's attached to you already. Would you like to hold him?" She asks while leaning over and scooping up the uncoordinated puppy in her arms. She offers him to Christian then on cue, she blushes which makes me snicker.

_Don't worry honey, we've been married for eleven years and he still makes me blush daily!_

Christian starts cooing to the puppy, scratching behind his ears while Sophia tells him about the breed and what level of care he'll require. I bend over the playpen looking at the puppies as they scramble over each other and playing with the numerous toys in their pen. I frown as I notice a little creamy, fawn colored puppy that's sitting on her own away from the rest of the pack that are playing amongst each other.

"Hi there… what are you doing all alone little one?" I coo to the puppy who responds with a sneeze which makes me giggle. She comes bounding over to me, unleashing the most pathetic bark I have ever heard.

"You're a little cutie!" I giggle as I scratch her ears and she leans her tiny head into my hand.

"Ana… we've got to go fill out some paperwork and get a bed, toys, treats and food. Plus we need to call a vet to get him checked out."

"Just a second." I say to him then turn back to the little fawn puppy and pat her head once more. "I've got to go little one." I stand upright and turn to leave when the puppy I've just left starts whining and the her litter mates start jumping all over her as she cowers back from them, it breaks my heart.

"Christian… look." I beckon him over and Sophia follows.

"What is it baby?" He asks, wrapping his arm around my waist and kisses my temple.

"Look, the other puppies are picking on her… she came over to me and I was petting her then when you called for me I stood up and she started whining then the other pups started jumping all over her, it's so sad." I pout, feeling sorry for the poor thing.

"She actually came over to you?" The girl asks, raising her brow in disbelief.

"Yeah, why is that such a shock, she's really sweet." I frown as the fawn puppy stands up on her hind legs and scrapes the side of the playpen trying to get to me.

"She's usually quite reserved and it takes her a while to warm up to people so unfortunately she hasn't been able to get adopted yet, no one wants a shy puppy. It's such a shame because she's really quite sweet once she gets used to people, but she seems to have taken quite a shine to you." Christian looks at me and I give him pleading eyes, he tilts his head to the side and sighs heavily then crouches down to stroke the fawn puppy's nose, she licks Christian's hand as he scratches under her chin. The little guy that Christian is still holding leans over and licks her nose and she sneezes adorably making me giggle.

"Christian, she's so cute. Look at her…" I stick my bottom lip out, pouting at my husband because I really want to give this sweetheart a home, especially since she doesn't bond with other people very well and probably won't get a new home easily.

"Ana… I'm guessing you want her? You have three kids and a newborn to deal with; if you get her Ana… she'll be your responsibility." I can't help but squeal in excitement; he can never resist the urge to buy something for me.

"Okay father!" I mutter sarcastically. "So I'm getting my own puppy too? I suppose we can let Gracie pick which one of the puppies she wants, and then Teddy and I can share the other and look after him or her between us."

"That smart mouth Mrs. Grey." Christian shakes his head as he stands up and kisses my forehead.

"We'll take the little girl too." Christian laughs at me. I squeal as I pick her up and she nuzzles her nose in my neck, snuggling down to sleep.

"It's funny because the only puppy she has bonded with is the little guy you're holding, Mr…?" Sophia pauses, unsure what to call us as we haven't told her our names yet.

"Grey." Christian answers, finishing with a small smile which Sophia returns.

"Well Mr Grey, she hasn't bonded with any of the other puppies and they pick on her. Plus add to the fact that her siblings have all been adopted now which means she's left alone with the other litter, which means there's a little bullying going on. I usually spend a little time with her once I finish my shift. I'd decided that if she hadn't been adopted by the time she turned fourteen weeks then I'd take her. The owner of the store sends the puppies that don't get sold by the time they're fourteen weeks to the 'We never put a healthy dog down' shelter on the other side of town. I'm really glad that she has you. You seem like a nice family." She smiles at us and leads us over to one of the desks, and we take a seat as she logs onto the computer and begins the adoption process.

We spend the next hour filling out the paperwork and choosing beds for the puppies to sleep. Sophia advises us to purchase a puppy playpen so it'll be easier to house train them. We buy two beds, one pink and one blue. We get them food and water bowls, continuing the blue and pink theme. We get a few dozen blankets for them to snuggle into when they're sleeping. We buy half a dozen puppy training pads to help house break them. Christian practically buys two of every puppy toy available in the store and tonnes of treats and bones. We get two large sacks of Royal Canine Puppy Junior kibble, which is what they've been eating since they were weaned of their mother's milk and a few cans of wet dog food as a treat. I can't resist the urge to buy a few t-shirts for each of the puppies. For our little boy I get a black shirt that reads 'K9 Security' on the back in white lettering and I get a grey one that reads 'Bad to the bone!' For our little girl, I grab a nice pink one that has decorative script on the back that reads 'Little Princess' and a light grey t-shirt that reads 'Talk to the paw' in pink lettering. Christian shakes his head at me but acquiesces; at least I'm not dressing the little guy in a pink tutu because that's where he draws the line that cannot be crossed.

Christian and two of the guys who work in the pet store load up the SUV with our purchases whilst I put one of the blankets we've just bought into the plastic pet carrier that we bought for them to travel in so they're safe in the car. I quickly manage somehow, to put both puppies in the carrier and close the grated door before they try to escape, which they both try to do but end up poking their noses and attempt to lick my fingers through the grated door. Christian comes back into the store just as Sophia and I finish up at the checkout.

"Mr. and Mrs. Grey, here is your AKC pedigree papers, I just want to remind you that the puppies you've picked, aren't from the same litter. So if you ever want to breed them, then you can. If you don't want to breed them, I suggest getting the male neutered so there are no accidents." The expression Christian gives Sophia is hysterical, his eyes widen and his hands automatically fall in front of his manhood as he gulps loudly.

"Thanks for all your help Sophia; I don't think my husband is in favour of neutering our male puppy." Sophia laughs as she hands over a plastic folder with all of the paperwork and pedigrees for both of them.

"They've both had their first vaccination, and they're due for their second as soon as possible. You'll have to take the Vaccination record with you when you go to see the vet so that they can stamp it to say that they're up to date with their shots. I'd also recommend getting them micro-chipped. It's especially handy if they ever get lost, if someone took them to a shelter, they'll scan the dog and if you have them chipped, they'll be able to get your name and telephone number so you and your dog can be reunited. It's an especially handy thing if your dog is unfortunate enough to be taken to a five day kill shelter." I pale, thinking of all the poor puppies and dogs that are perfectly healthy and they put them to sleep just because it costs too much money to attempt to care for them until they're rehomed, it's a horrible system and it should be banned because in my mind, they're just murdering animals.

"That's everything loaded into the SUV baby, let's take our puppies' home and then go pick up our daughter." Christian grins at me, taking my hand and holding the puppy carrier in the other as we head to the SUV. Christian puts the puppy carrier in the back seat and straps it in with the seatbelt; of course Mr. Safety had to get the best carrier which is apparently 'top of the range', only the best for the Grey pooches.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

We drive back to the house and thankfully Luke and Lacy are standing at the front door when we pull up. Lacy is going to watch the puppies whilst Christian and I go back to the hospital to get the kids. Luke helps Christian unload the stuff whilst Lacy and I take the puppies inside.

"Ooh, let me see… is it a boy or a girl?" She asks excitedly as I set the carrier down on the floor.

"Well, Christian picked out a little tri-colored boy since they didn't have any tri-colored girls and that's what color Gracie wanted." I open the little door and take out our little boy puppy and hand him over to Lacy just as Gail comes into the family room to meet the newest additions to our family.

"Ana… he's freaking adorable!" Lacy gushes as she strokes his back.

"Oh my, he is delightful. Gracie is going to be so excited." Gail laughs, reaching out to pet him.

"Where's Olivia?" I ask Gail.

"She's having a nap, she's been awake since early this morning and she has been in a horrible mood all day, she's been asking for you since she woke up. You'll probably be back before she wakes because she just went down about ten minutes ago." Gail says whilst she and Lacy pet our little boy.

"I think you'll fit right in little man!" Gail coos to him.

"I have someone else I want to introduce you to…" I giggle as I open the door to the carrier once more and pull out our _special_ little girl.

"When Christian had picked out the little boy, I saw this little lady and she was away from the rest of the puppies that were in the playpen and she looked so sad but when she saw me she came bounding across, so I reached in and started petting her when Christian said we needed to fill out papers to adopt him, the girl who worked in the store told us that she was really shy and took a while to warm up to people and no one really wants a shy puppy. I convinced Christian to adopt her too. We're going to give Gracie the choice of which puppy she wants, then Ted and I will share the other."

"Oh… my… god, she is adorable." Lacy giggles as the little guy licks her face and starts chewing on the toggle of her hoodie thus recapture her attention. "Okay, okay… you're adorable too!"

Christian and Luke slowly bring the supplies from the foyer into the family room and begin building the playpen whilst Gail, Lacy and I sort out their dishes of food and water. Gail, Lacy and I stand and stare at the gigantic playpen that's just been assembled, I did try to tell Christian at the store that it was going to be too big for our tiny dogs but he said our puppies deserve plenty of leg room and that we wouldn't like it if we had to live in a one bedroom apartment and had no space to… _play. _

"Don't even say it Ana…" Gail is biting her lip as is Lacy because they can both tell that it's absolutely killing me _not _saying it!

"ItoldyousoChristian!" I squeal in a rush, trying to dodge the slap that just landed on my behind. I can't contain my giggle as I rub the smarting skin.

"I told you, not to say it but you did it anyway." My wonderful, mature response to that is to stick out my tongue at him, and then mock him by repeating what he said in an insolent, childish tone.

"Nice… real mature Mrs. Grey!" He shakes his head then smirks briefly "Okay, so I may have gone a little on the large side but hey, at least they'll have room to play and have fun, eat, sleep and poop inside their new pen. It's a win, win situation baby and we don't have to worry about stepping on them or anything!"

_Hmm, he might have a point there…_

I don't know how, but it's decided that because I'm the smallest, I have to go into the playpen and arrange everything. Christian picks me up, bridal style and deposits me inside the pen.

Christian passes me a pack of puppy training pads and I spread four of them on one side of the pen, in the opposite side to where their food will go. We unpack the beds, and blankets which are all fuzzy and soft.

_Those puppies don't know how much they struck gold by coming home with us!_

The beds are shaped like a baby's carriage with a hood section, one blue and one pink. We also got a few faux koala fur throws for them to snuggle into and keep warm. Christian unwraps and cuts off the tags for all the toys and opens up a few puppy bones, and some chewy treats. He hands them to me and I make sure to put one of each treat in each bed so that they both have the same.

_They aren't children, and obviously the dominant one will take whatever he or she wants… you would know! _My subconscious snarls, what a bitch!

Gail passes me the water bowls across and I place those opposite the pads where they'll pee.

"I think that's everything. Christian, can you help me get out of here please?" I giggle and Christian responds with a grin as he reaches over and lifts me into his strong arms. Once I'm back on my feet, I take the little girl from Lacy and put her into the pen, her little tail waggling as she sniffs all around the pen, then Lacy lowers her 'adoptive' brother and they start rolling around with each other and going down on their haunches, unleashing their pathetic little barks.

"Oh my gosh, I think I'm gonna need to whine to Luke… I want a puppy!" She pouts, looking at the newest members of our horde.

"I'll give him a few hints for your birthday, which is coming up soon, right?" I ask her and she nods with a grin.

"Yeah, that's a good idea—I want a little girl, just like that little cutie!" We watch the puppies for a few minutes longer, gushing about their cuteness and giggling at their adorable antics when Christian clears his throat behind us.

"Baby, I hate to interrupt the obvious estrogen that's flooding the room but, we have to go pick up the kids at the hospital." He shakes his head with a smirk as he pulls me out of the living room, leaving Lacy to puppy-sit.

We get into the SUV, making sure there isn't any evidence of our purchases this afternoon. I briefly look over our appearances, making sure there isn't any dog hair on our clothes.

"Christian… I just thought of something!"

"What baby?" He asks, reaching over the center console to take my hand.

"Well, it's just that Ava is with Ted and Gracie, she'll probably feel left out because they're both getting a puppy and she isn't. Should I call Kate and warn her, that way she can at least prepare her a little bit. Shit, I feel awful now."

"Ana… baby, you're worrying about nothing. Our niece is the sweetest little girl; she won't be stroppy because our kids are getting something that she isn't." Christian tries to reassure me. I know Ava won't get stroppy, but she'll be hurt and she'll feel sad because I know she wants a puppy just as much as Gracie does.

"I'm going to call Kate real quick." I murmur as I pull my blackberry out of my pocket and dial Kate's number.

"Hey Ana… are you guys on your way yet?" She asks as soon as she answers the phone.

"Yeah, we're on our way but I just wanted to tell you something really quick. Christian and I decided to get Gracie a puppy, but when we got there I fell in love with another puppy so Christian got her for me and Ted to share. I just wanted to let you know that when we get home, the kids are being surprized with a puppy each and I'm worried about how Ava will feel…"

"I'll just be a sec guys, I need to speak to your mom—" I hear Kate say to the kids, "—Ana… Ava will probably be a little green with envy but don't worry, she'll get over it."

"I don't want her to feel sad though, it makes me feel bad and guilty. Kate…." I level off, building up the courage to plead Ava's case. Kate sighs, because she knows what's coming.

"What Steele, spit it out?" Kate responds a little harsh and impatient.

"Jeez, well… I just wanted to know how you'd feel ifwemaybeboughtAvaapuppyofherown? I mean, it is her birthday next month so we can just call it a super cool early birthday gift for our only niece and godchild. We'll get her the puppy and everything she needs to care for it including its shots, what do you say Katie-Kat?" I bite my thumbnail as I wait for Kate's response, I catch Christian's eyes and he's smirking at me, bastard.

"Ana… you can't spend that much, I know how much those little fuzzy things cost and they aren't cheap." This time it's my turn to sigh; jeez, now I know how Christian felt when I'd turn down his gifts only because of their price.

"Kate, may I remind you that as of right now… I only have one niece; Ava is the only little girl I can spoil that isn't my own child. Need I remind you that we aren't exactly poor Kate, let me do this for your daughter, please?" I shamelessly beg as we drive closer to the hospital. Kate leaves me hanging for a while, sighing and muttering to herself… probably as she paces the length of whichever corridor she's in.

"Fine, but she has to look after it! Feed it, clean it's poop, walk it and everything else you have to do with a dog and if she doesn't do as she promises then you have to find it a new home. Deal?" Kate asks in a brusque tone, sort and to the point.

"It's a deal, we're almost there. Laters baby!"

"Laters." Kate giggles, that phrase never fails to put a smile on our faces.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

We spend the next forty-five minutes waiting on Gracie's discharge papers and for the prescription for anti-biotic that she's to take for the next five days. Once all the paperwork is in hand, Gracie gets into the wheelchair, and as Christian pushes her along the hallway in front of us. Kate elbows me and motions for me to look ahead. My heart almost melts when I notice that Teddy is walking alongside Gracie, holding onto her hand, and Ava is skipping alongside Christian.

"You have no idea what state he was in when he found out Gracie was taken into hospital. We'll fill you in once we get back to your house!" Kate tells me as we walk with Grace, who is lovingly pushing her grandson in his stroller and cooing to him.

We pile the kids into the Q7 while Kate rides in Grace's car. Ted and Ava chatter the whole way home while Gracie sleeps. She's still pretty tired since they still have her on pain medication so she'll probably be drowsy for the next couple of days. Christian meets my eyes and we smirk, they really have no idea what they're about to walk into when we get home. I pull out my blackberry and text Lacy when we're around five minutes away from the house, telling her to shut the doors to the family room so that we can do the big reveal. I can't wait to see their faces, they're going to freak out and I'm so excited. Christian leans his arm over the center console and rests his hand over my knee, stopping my incessant bouncing and smirks at me.

_Well I'm excited…_

When we finally pull up to the house, Ted and Ava quickly take off their seatbelts and jump out of the car before I can open my own the door, damn it!

"Whoa, you two… just wait on us please." Christian says as he grabs a hold of Ted's shoulder as he attempts to whiz past his father, I almost laugh when Ted and Ava give each other a look that screams…

'They are craaaazy'

I get myself out of the car and open Gracie's door and as Christian gently cajoles her awake, I unclip Mattie's carrier from the base.

"Come on, wake up love bug, we're home." her sleepy eyes blink as she yawns and holds her arms out to her daddy who lifts her with ease.

"Are you okay bug? Does your tummy hurt?" He asks her. I keep my hand on Ted's shoulder to stop him from rushing into the house before we can reveal Gracie's reward for being so brave…

_Well, one of her rewards! _My subconscious mutters.

"It still itchy, scratchy daddy… but it's not so bad anymore, I'm real glad I got my owie out." She smiles up at her dad as we walk into the house. Thankfully Matthew is still sound asleep so I take his carrier up to the nursery and lay him in his crib to finish off his nap and as I head back downstairs I hear Ted asking his dad if he can watch a movie…

"Dad, can me and Ava watch a movie in the family room?" Ted asks and Christian shakes his head.

"Aww but why?" He asks with a frown.

"You can watch a movie Teddy, but we have to wait on Grammy Grace and Aunt Kate because we've got a surprize for the three of you but we can't show you until the others get here so, do you want a drink of juice while we wait?" Christian asks.

"Uh huh, I want juice daddy, pineyapple please."

"Can I have some apple juice please Uncle Christian?" Ava asks, her baby blue eyes sparkling, such a striking contrast to her strawberry blond curls.

"Yep you sure can what about you Tedster?" Christian ruffles Teds hair and he laughs as he squirms away.

"Uh, orange juice please father." Ted finishes with a nod and Christian shakes his head with a chuckle. We head into the kitchen where Lacy and Gail are sitting having a cup of tea.

"Hello Lacy…" Ted says shyly with a slight flush of his cheeks.

_Oh my, Ted has his first crush._

"Hey Teddy." Lacy smiles at him then gets to her feet "Hey sweet pea… Uncle Luke told me that you were a really brave girl getting your owie out." Lacy says to her, and Gracie beams back.

"Daddy, can you put me down please?" She asks sweetly, fluttering her lashes at him. Oh Mr. Grey, she has you wrapped around her itty, bitty fingers. Christian carefully sets her on her feet and she walks over to Lacy, holding her arms up so that she can sit on Lacy's lap.

"It hurt a lot Lacy, befored I went to the spospidal it hurted real bad. I really didn't want to get it out, but mommy said that you can be brave even if you get scareded and cry."

"Mommy is right, 'cause even though you were scared, you still got it done and that… little miss, makes you the bravest of them all." Lacy kisses her forehead then Gracie wraps her little arms around Lacy's neck whilst they chat about every aspect of Gracie's hospital adventure.

I hand the kids their juice and they barely get a mouthful swallowed when Kate and Grace walk into the kitchen. Christian and I look at the kids and the three of them are practically bouncing with anticipation.

"Is Olivia still asleep Gail?" I ask, since I know there is going to be a lot of squealing from my baby girl when she goes into that family room.

"Yeah, she's still asleep but if she sleeps any longer she'll never go down tonight." Gail winks at me, because she knows what I'm thinking.

"Mommy, daddy… peees can we get our surprize now?" Gracie pleads which makes us laugh at her expression.

"What do you think daddy? Should we let them see?" I ask Christian.

"I don't know mommy, how much do you want to see?" He asks Gracie, briefly looking towards Ted and Ava.

"Like—" She opens her arms as wide as the can possibly go "—this much daddy."

"Hmm, that's a lot… I think we should show them, but first… Ava sweetheart, can you come over here real quick, it'll only take a second." Christian holds out his hand for Ava to take and we lead her to the opposite side of the kitchen.

"What did you wana talk to me about?" She asks, frowning slightly.

"Well, we didn't know what you would like best, so when we go into the family room, we want you to know that tomorrow we're going to take you to get your own okay Sweetheart. It's an early birthday present from me and Uncle Christian." I say as I run my fingers through her locks. She looks back and forth between us and her frown increases as she tries to make sense of what we've just told her.

"Uhh… okay, thank you for whatever 'it' is. I love you both lots and lots." She wraps one arm around my waist and one around her Uncle Christian, squeezing us tightly. "Now I really wana see this surprize!" She giggles as we go back to where the rest of our family are waiting.

"Okay, I need to get my brave little love bug." Christian says as he carefully lifts Gracie into his strong arms "Princess… me and mommy wanted to get you something you really, really wanted since you were such a brave girl when you got your owie out." Christian says to Gracie who looks at him curiously.

"But, you gots me the iPad daddy, you don't needs to gots me anything else." Christian's eyes glaze over slightly as he tucks Gracie's head into his neck and kisses her shoulder.

"I know I don't need to, but I want to because I love you so, very much. When we went to pick out your gift we decided to get the same thing for Ted and Ava too. Since Gracie had to get surgery, she gets first choice. So is everybody ready?" He asks, smirking at me and the kids respond.

"We're the Grey's… we were born ready, dad." Ted announces in a cool demeanour which makes everyone burst into fits of laughter; even he can't stop himself from joining in.

"I can't argue with that assessment son… let's go." Christian walks ahead, with Teddy and Ava following closely behind him. Christian opens the door slightly,

"Adults, first." Christian winks at me, he did that so I could see their faces light up when they see the puppies. Kate, Grace, Gail, Lacy and I head into the family room while Christian waits outside with the kids. We have a quick peak at the sleeping puppies, both of which are snuggled in one bed rather than in their own. Even Kate's cool demeanour melts when she lays her eyes on them.

"Okay, now I can't wait for Ava to get hers." She giggles. We line up in front of the playpen so that when the kids come in they still won't know what they've gotten. I giggle because I can hear the kids getting impatient and whining for Christian to open the door and after another few minutes he lets them in.

"What, what's the surprize? I don't see anything different?!" Ted says, looking up at Christian.

"Yeah daddy, what's the surprize, I wana see!" Gracie says, taking Christian's face in her hands as she gives him a squishy face.

"Okay everyone… let them see." We move out of the way and Ted's face is horror shocked.

"Another baby? That's our surprize?" Ted's eyes widen in horror.

"Oh no, daddy can we taked it back to the baby store, I no wana another brother, I've gots Ted and Mashoo, and we gots Livvy so I no wana another sister either." Gracie shakes her head from side to side dramatically.

"Um, Uncle Christian… I don't think I want a baby tomorrow… but thank you anyway." Christian's lips are pressed together tightly, trying to contain his amusement while the rest of us snicker to ourselves.

"It's not a baby, come on Gracie; let's go have a little look inside the playpen." Christian holds out his hand to me, and I quickly take it as we walk closer to the playpen, finally letting Gracie have a look inside, I feel my eyes tearing up as her breath catches in her throat, with her little mouth gaping open. She looks at Christian and she has tears in her eyes.

"You… you gots me—"

"Yeah baby girl, you showed me a picture of your friend and her puppy. You looked so sad when you showed me the picture. So when you asked for a cool gift for being brave, this is what mommy and I came up with.

"Y-you gots me a p-pubby daddy." I can't stop the happy tears running from my eyes as I watch Gracie cry because she's so overwhelmed at getting her own puppy.

"Teddy, Ava… comes have a look." They don't have to be asked twice, they're both there before I can even blink.

"MOM? Is…that? OH MY GOD I HAVE A PUPPY!" Ted fist pumps the air and wraps his arms around me, squeezing me tightly. Ava just stares inside the playpen with a look of shock on her face.

"Hey baby girl, are you excited?" Kate asks as she wraps her arms around Ava's shoulders.

"Aunt Ana… is this what you meant before? Am I getting a puppy tomorrow?" She asks and I giggle, nodding as wipe away my tears.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou! You are the bestest Aunt and Uncle in the whole wide world!" She squeals, bouncing up and down on the spot. Even Kate has to discreetly wipe away a tear.

"Ava, listen to mom for a second. If I let you get this puppy tomorrow you have to remember that it's your responsibility to look after it, clean up its poop and walk it, feed it… and everything else you have to do with a puppy, because Mom and dad will have lots to do when the baby comes. So do you promise that as soon as you come home from school every day, you'll look after him or her?"

"I promise mom, I'll take care of her always." Ava reassures her mother and leans up to kiss her cheek.

"I love you mommy. Thanks for letting me get a puppy."

"I love you too sugar." Kate says with a loving grin before kissing the tip of Ava's nose. I turn to Gracie who is still staring at the puppies with an awed expression; as if she even blinks they'll disappear.

"So, the black, brown and white one is a little boy Gracie, the pet store didn't have a girl puppy with the same colors, and the little creamy fawn colored puppy is a little girl so which one would you like?" I ask her, running my fingers through her golden bronze curls.

"Um, I can't choose… it's aposed to be the puppies who choose. Mommy, if you taked them out and put 'em on the floor we can see which one comes over to me. That's what my Rachel's mommy did when she took her to pick out her puppy. She sat on the floor with all of the puppies and Maxy camed over to her and sat on her lap so she gots him."

"Okay that's what we'll do, bug." Christian says before kissing her cheek. He lowers himself and Gracie to the floor while I pick up both puppies and put them down. I can't help but giggle because both of them are still half asleep with two sets of droopy eyes. I tickle both of them behind their ears and slowly they become more aware of their surroundings. Ted and Ava take a seat on the sofa while we wait for the puppies to make their choice.

"You are soooo cute!" Gracie giggles, gushing at the puppies and when they hear the strange voice they both look up at Gracie then our little boy puppy goes bounding across and sits himself on her lap, snuggling into her and yawns deeply.

"I guested your my puppy now!" Gracie giggles as the puppy starts to lick her hand.

"What are you going to name him Gracie?" I ask as she pets him.

"I dunno…"

"Ana… I'm going to head on home now. I have some of Luke's shirts to press. Military men are so freaking precise about that kind of stuff." I giggle, remembering just how precise Ray was and still is about his shirt sleeves having a perfect seam.

"Okay Lacy, we'll see you soon."

"Bye Ana, bye everyone." Lacy gives the kids a wave before leaving and I'm sure I see Ted sigh happily as a beautiful smile takes over his features.

_Oh he has it bad._

Out of the corner of my eye I catch Christian looking from Ted to Lacy and back again as a smirk plays at his sculptured mouth.

_His first crush, and an older woman too! Like father like son huh?_ I scowl at the harpy bitch; this is an innocent crush, not a criminal BDSM affair. I am pulled out of my horrific thoughts as Ted starts talking to Gracie.

"Gracie, he kinda looks like a non-green version of Yoda, I think that's a cool name for him… if he was mine, I'd call him Yoda for sure!" Teddy chuckles and… well he's right; the little guy does bare resemblance of the miniature ninja, Jedi.

"He actually does look a little like Yoda; it's the ears and the eyes!" At that point the puppy that was asleep in Gracie's lap sits up and whines then licks Gracie's face.

"I think he wants to be called Yoda, yeah, we'll call him Yoda." Gracie giggles as Yoda continually licks her cheek, which isn't very sanitary but hey, he's her puppy. Ted sits cross-legged beside me and slowly our little girl tentatively reaches out to sniff Teddy with her ears flat against her head.

"She's a little shy, the lady at the pet store said that it takes a little while for her to warm up to new people so we have to make sure we don't scare her." I say to Ted in a soft voice.

"What are we going to name her mom?"

"Hmm, I don't know… do you have any idea's sweetie?"

"What about Trixie, we can call her Trix for short… do you have any idea's mom?" He asks me as our puppy crawls onto my lap.

"Well, I thought we could maybe call her Honey because of her coloring, but I like Trix too! I also like the name Bella, but ultimately it's up to you kiddo."

"Hmm, I like all three of the names, this is so hard!" He reaches over and strokes the puppy's head and after a few moments her ears perk up a little.

"There you go sweet girl, Ted won't hurt you." I reassure her, gently stroking her soft puppy coat.

"Gracie, what should we call her?" Ted asks his little sister who's playing with Yoda.

"Um, I think Trix is a good name, I like Honey too but I liked Trix better."

"I like Trix too Ted. I can't wait to go to the pet store and get my puppy tomorrow." Ava exclaims excitedly with a grin.

"Okay, well your name is Trix, do you like it?" I giggle as Trix licks Ted's hand and yaps a little.

"I'll take that as a yes Trix!" Trix lowers her front paws with her little behind in the air and her tail wagging before launching herself at Teddy's chest, once he's flat on his back she licks his face all over and Ted can't breathe from giggling.

"Okay, okay! Jeez Trix, I get it… you like your name. Stop licking my ears, ewww!" She finally lets Ted sit upright then plonks herself on his lap then yawns.

"Oh, Mom… if Aunt Kate and dad say it's okay, can Ava stay here tonight, since we're taking her to get her puppy tomorrow?"

"Ava would you like to stay honey?" I ask her and she nods with a big smile.

"Yeah, I'd like to stay Aunt Ana, and then tomorrow we can go get my puppy."

"Well, it's fine with me… but you'll have to ask dad and Aunt Kate. He lifts Trix and holds her in his arms as he and Ava go over to where Christian is sitting on the floor beside Gracie and Ava sits beside Kate, who is on the couch eating a large pickle with strawberry ice cream.

_That is disgusting when you aren't pregnant, but it's amazingly tasty when you are!_

"So have you already asked Aunt Ana if you can stay?" Kate asks sleepily from her position on the couch. She has a little over 9 weeks to go until Kavanagh/Grey junior arrives.

"It's fine with me bud." I hear Christian say to Ted.

"Yep, Aunt Ana… it's okay for me to stay right?" She asks and I nod with a smile.

"Sure sweetie, you know that you're always welcome to stay here." I run my fingers through her hair as I take a seat beside her and then Kate leans her head on my shoulder.

"Ana… being pregnant sucks. I just want it to be forty weeks already. Do you know how long it's been since I last saw my own feet?" She whines with a frown and her lips form a pout.

"Well, considering that I was in my forty-first week, sixteen days ago, yes I do know how long it's been since you saw your own feet. Just remember that almost eight months ago you would have done anything to have swollen ankles, aching boobs and a sore back." Ava can't hide her giggle at my choice of words.

"You'll have 'em soon enough sugar!" Kate laughs, poking Ava's side before she manages to wriggle away.

"Oh, Aunt Ana… I need my sleepover bag. I don't have Pyjama's or my toothbrush and I don't have any clean clothes for tomorrow!" Her eyes widen dramatically, like this is her worst nightmare.

"Honey, you sure are your mother's daughter." I say which earns me a smirk from Kate.

"She sure is." Kate lovingly agrees with such pride that she transferred her love of fashion and all things beautiful to her daughter.

"Kate, you came over here in Grace's car didn't you?" I ask her.

"Yep, she picked us up from our house, why?"

"Well, I'll get Luke to take you and Ava over to your place to get her stuff and then he can bring her back."

"Awesome, thanks Aunt Ana." Ava hugs me tightly then joins Ted on the floor to play with Trixie.

"I'm thirsty; will you help me get of this contraption please?" Kate groans as Christian pulls her up and we both have to try really hard to contain our amusement at Kate's expression. Christian stays with the kids and Grace while Kate and I head into the kitchen.

She lowers herself into one of the kitchen chairs since she can no longer fit in the stools at the breakfast bar while I prepare us both tall glasses of soda and lime with lots of crushed ice. I take our drinks over as I take a seat at the table.

"So what did you want to talk to me about before?" I ask as I take a long pull on the straw that's in my drink.

"Huh?" Kate frowns at me in confusion. I shake my head with a smirk, _baby brain's a bitch_.

"About Ted being upset about Gracie being taken into hospital." I say in an effort to re-jog her memory.

"Oh, yeah. Well when we told him that Gracie was taken into hospital during the night he burst into tears. I haven't seen him that upset since you were in the coma—" She pauses to look into my eyes and my heart clenches painfully as I remember just how much my son has been through in the last nineteen months, how much our whole family has been through.

"At first we thought it was just because you, Christian and Matthew had gone to the hospital with her. Every time either of you called he'd be sitting bouncing waiting on us hanging up so he could ask how Gracie was doing. He never once asked how the rest of you were." She giggles, covering my hand with her own.

"I know Ted and Gracie fight a lot, but he really does love his little sister. When Christian and I were apart… I don't know how I would have made it through some days if it wasn't for Teddy amusing Gracie when I was with Olivia. I'm so proud of him, we both are." I feel my eyes tearing up a little bit, so I take a few calming breaths and somehow manage to control my emotions.

"Well, we do know for sure, that Ted loves his little sister. He was so upset and worried about her Ana. I hope that Ava and Junior will have that kind of relationship, caring and loving as well as annoyance and general dislike of each other. They wouldn't be normal siblings if they didn't fight and squabble from time to time." She giggles as we catch up on whatever has happened in our separate lives these last two weeks.

An hour later Kate yawns loudly and her big belly growls hungrily from her prone position on the sofa.

"I'm getting hungry again; can you call whichever member of the goon squad is taking me and my spawnage home please?"

"You know Katherine, I don't think you should call men who are expertly trained in numerous martial arts to kill you silently 'the goon squad'" Christian smirks and Kate pokes her tongue out at him. Even after all these years, those two still butt heads but their relationship has definitely improved on what it was the night Olivia was born.

I head into the kitchen to grab my blackberry and shoot a quick text to Luke.

**_To:_**_ Luke Sawyer.  
__**From: **__Ana Grey._

_Luke, can you please bring one of the SUV's around out front and come to the family room ASAP please. A, :) x_

Around five minutes later Luke comes into the family room, I quickly ask him to take Ava and Kate home so that Ava can get her sleepover bag.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

After dinner, Christian and I played with Olivia in the living room while Ted and Ava joined Gracie in her bed to watch a movie since she was feeling a little sore from moving around too much.

"Come on Ted, it's after nine and Ava and Gracie are already asleep." I whisper to Ted, who is almost sleeping himself.

"Will Gracie be okay, maybe I should sleep on the floor to make sure?" He frowns as he watches his little sister.

"She'll be fine Tedster; if she needs anything she'll wake Ava." I reassure him; he slowly gets up off Gracie's princess bed and shocks me by planting a soft kiss on his little sister's hair.

"Night Gracie, I love you." He whispers softly then follows me out of the room. I tuck him into bed and sit with him for a few minutes, running my fingers through his hair.

"Mom?" He asks sleepily.

"What is it baby boy?" I look into his sleepy blue eyes that mirror my own.

"Was Gracie really sick? I was worried about her, I don't like it when the girls or Matthew are upset but it's even worse when they're sick." He wrings his fingers together trying to distract himself from the sadness in his voice.

"You're a wonderful big brother Ted, the girls and Matty are lucky to have you looking out for them but it's not your job to worry about them, not yet anyway. That's mom and dad's job." I smile at him, kissing his forehead.

"Goodnight Ted, I love you buddy." I whisper as I turn off his bedside lamp.

"I love you too mom." He says sleepily. I quietly leave the room and softly close his door. Thankfully that's all the kids asleep so I go downstairs to check on the puppies.

Christian is lying on the sofa watching the Mariners highlights in his pyjama pants looking delicious. I quickly clean up the used puppy training mats and replace them with clean ones for during the night then take the dirty ones out to the trash. When I come back into the family room Christian is almost asleep, so I lean over the arm of the sofa which his head is resting on and kiss his lips which are currently upside down.

"Mmm, hello Mrs. Grey." He mumbles sleepily against my mouth. "Come sit on my lap… I need to feel you!" He huskily whispers, patting his lap and I comply immediately. I wrap my arms around his neck, my bent knees on either side of his hips with his hands cupping my behind as he sits upright.

"Hmm, that's one sexy ass you have Mrs. Grey. What I wouldn't give to impale you with my rod of pure steel baby!" He smirks at me and I can't help but burst into laughter.

"You've been watching those awful seventies porn movies again haven't you?" I giggle at his childlike jovial expression.

"Mmm. I have, it was hysterical. The guy was a mechanic who is fixing the chicks' pickup truck and asks if she'd like him to impale her with rod of steel. Jeez, I mean… who writes that shit?" He chuckles, stroking his large hands over the jean covered cheeks of my backside.

"I'd like to be impaled with your rod of steel but Dr. Green said we have another three weeks to wait before you can impale me, I don't know why we can't go at it sooner, especially since I didn't tear myself during delivery! But your talented fingers can do all the touching they want—" I whisper seductively in his ear, briefly sucking on the lobe. "—and my mouth is perfectly able and fuckable Mr. Grey." I pull back from him slightly and before I know it he's flipped us over and his tongue is stroking along the length of my own.

He kisses me long and deep, only breaking his lips from mine when we both need precious oxygen. His lips trail along my jaw and down my neck, licking and nipping at my skin.

"Fuck baby, two weeks is fucking torture. I can't wait until I can feel your wet, warmth around me on all sides!" He growls thrusting his hips against mine, his prominent erection rubbing against the seam of my jeans which gives me the friction I so desperately need.

"I know, god… don't stop Christian." I moan wantonly, raising my hips, searching for his length. I arch my back as he lifts my t-shirt to reveal my breasts without removing it completely.

"You have the most perfect tits. Especially right now. Fuck, Ana… god they're so full and sexy." I groan as his mouth teases the flesh above my bra cup. Just as he's about to press his lips to where I want them the most he stands upright and I whine at the loss of contact.

"Come on baby, it's time to get creative." He smirks as he stands, grabbing the remote to turn off the TV.

"Lead the way dear husband, is everything locked up and switched off?" I ask with a giggle as he lifts me, my arms wrapped around his neck and my legs locked around his hips. Christian walks us over to the puppies so that I can make sure they're settled for the night then I turn out the lights as we leave the family room and upstairs to our bedroom where I'm going to fuck my husband senseless with my willing and able mouth.

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_Sorry that this has taken a little longer to get out… I haven't been feeling all too well these last few days. I hope you liked the chapter… feel free to feed my review monster because he's especially hungry for your thoughts ;)_

W/L  
-S, xo


	88. Chapter 88: Intimate encounter

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein.**

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**!ATTENTION, PLEASE READ!**

**~I received the PM below from one of my followers~**

"I love, love 50 shades broken hearted Susie. I think you're doing a spectacular job! Maybe while they still can't get it on, Christian is having a bad week at work so Ana plans a sensual massage for him and a hot bath. And then Christian reciprocates another night when Ana is stressed about the kids. Just an idea! Amazing!" - **Rileygreyson**

I liked Riley's idea so much that I decided to use it as the building concept for this chapter. So I have to give credit where it's due, awesome idea Riley! Thank you for giving me your thoughts and ideas; I really do appreciate all of you taking the time to send me a message or review.

**This chapter is dedicated to you Riley! x**

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I begin to stir in my sleep and reach out, blindly searching for the arms of my husband but I only find a folded sheet of paper. I sigh as I pick it up and reluctantly open my eyes. It takes a few moments before I can focus my blurred vision so I sit up and swing my legs around off the bed, wiggling my toes into the lush carpet that adorns my bedroom floor as I read his note.

_My beautiful Ana,_

_Baby, I am sorry for having to leave before you open your eyes for the third day in a row. Once again it seems my team don't know their asses from their elbows. I promise that I will be home for dinner tonight and to have fun with the kids before helping you put them to bed. I hate that I haven't seen them awake for two whole days and I promise there won't be a third. _

_I will be home with you and our children tonight Mrs. Grey._

_Your Christian, xo  
PS: I love you more than you'll ever know, please don't be too mad at me, xo_

It's just after seven-thirty so Christian must have left pretty early. I can't believe he thinks that I'd be mad at him for having to work later or earlier than usual. I know something pretty important is going on at GEH at the moment and I hope with everything that I am, that he isn't falling into previous coping mechanisms.

_He wouldn't, not after everything that we've been through these last nineteen months._

I reluctantly pull my ass out of bed and wake Ted and Gracie for school, taking both monitors for my other two children. Thankfully Matthew ate at five-thirty this morning so he won't be up for another hour and a half and Olivia usually wakes around eight.

"Morning sweetie, it's time to get up for school." I lean down to kiss his forehead as he opens his eyes and yawns deeply.

"Eugh, school sucks." He groans as he sits up in bed, his wayward hair all over the place.

"Eventually when you're all grown up, you'll look back at your school days and think that they were-" He cuts me off with a sigh and another groan.

"I know, the best days of my life, but mom—trust me when I say I won't." Geez he's so much like Christian, he even does the smirk!

"Get your butt out of bed and stop sassing me." I tap his nose with my pointer finger and he gives me the patented Grey grin.

"Yes Ma'am." He reluctantly gets up and shuffles himself into his bathroom.

I smile as I head into Gracie's room. She has had a week off school and is itching to go back, purely to show off the photo's she begged me to print of Yoda and Trix. Speaking of our little runts, they are now able to be walked and let out into the back yard but Elliot has still to come over and secure the narrow spaces that the puppies can possibly escape from.

It was a real joy taking Ava to pick out her puppy. She was so overwhelmed with all the choices but ultimately she ended up getting an apricot toy poodle who she named Bella. Kate fell in love with the puppy every bit as much as Ava did. She hasn't stopped smiling all week, she's text me every day saying thank you and telling me how Bella is doing. Ava is such a sweetheart. I pull myself from my musings as I reach my daughters large princess bed. I perch on the side of the bed and run my fingers through her hair.

"Wake up baby girl, it's time for school." I gently cajole her awake, brushing her hair back off her forehead and placing a kiss between her brows.

"G'morning mommy. Am I going back to school today?" She asks, blinking rapidly as she comes to herself.

"Yep, I have all your photo's printed in my office. I'll get them for you when we go down for breakfast."

"Otay, I'm excited to see everyone mommy, I've missted Lexi and Rachel a lot." She tells me whilst wrapping her arms around my neck.

"I'm sure they've missed you too. Do you think you could tell Lexi that I want to meet her and her mommy and give them my card so we can arrange a play date?"

"Mmhm, is this about the super cool sleepover?"

"Yeah, tell Lexi to tell her mommy to give me a call."

"Otay, mommy… can we have pancakes for breakfast?" I giggle and kiss her forehead.

"Well, we'll have to wait and see what GG has made." I take her hand and we go downstairs together towards the scent of pancakes, bacon and coffee.

"Morning Ana" Gail says as she places my tea on the kitchen table and I take a grateful sip.

"Morning Gail thanks for the tea." She lifts Gracie into her arms and gives her a kiss on her forehead.

"Good morning button, are you excited for school today?" Gail asks as she sits Gracie down on her booster seat and places her breakfast in front of her. The simple question Gail asked sets Gracie off on an entire tangent about how much she's missed school, how much she's missed her friends and how excited she is to show them the pictures of the puppies, how much she loves the puppies and how awesome they are. I try to stifle my giggle as Gail looks like she's sorry she even asked.

"Gracie, less yapping and more eating please." I tell her as I read the morning newspaper and Ted plonks his butt on the chair with a bowl of Cap'n Crunch.

"Mom, where's dad?" Ted asks with a frown.

"Yeah, where's daddy mommy?" Gracie chimes in, I swear she should be employed as Teddy's echo; she's certainly qualified for the position!

"Daddy is at work, he had to leave early again this morning. He's going to try super hard to be home in time for dinner tonight, but sometimes daddy has to spend extra time at work, why does he do that?" I ask them both.

"Because he wants us to have nice things." Ted answers with a little pout; I think he's missing his 'man time'

"Um, cuz he loves us mommy." Gracie offers, with the same pout.

"You both need to realize just how much daddy does for our family, not every boy and girl has a daddy who would do anything to make them smile, and he'd give you the world if you could. Daddy does love you both and your brother and sister so very much. So if daddy doesn't manage to make it home for dinner, I'll help you both make him a nice card to tell him how much you love him and what he does for us, okay?"

"I love daddy, I just missted him wen he isn't here to play wif me and Ted and Liv."

"I know baby girl but daddy misses you just as much as you miss him. So are we going to make him a nice card when you get home from school?" I ask them both, fixing my face with a smile.

"Yep, I'll make him a real pretty one mommy. Ted will you help me?" She asks Ted and he nods with a grin.

"Sure squirt." He ruffles her hair playfully, earning a giggle.

I go upstairs with Gracie to help her get dressed, if I left it up to her we'd be here until bed time. She can never choose what to wear so I always give her two options so she only has one choice to make. We go back down once she's dressed and Ted is sitting in the family room watching cartoons. Gracie has a peek at the puppies; that are thankfully still asleep, and sighs knowing that she won't be playing with them before school.

"What ya watchin' Ted?" She asks as she lands with a bounce beside her big brother. Matthew and Olivia are still sound asleep upstairs, but I have their monitors with me.

"Ben 10. It's about a kid who can transform into ten different aliens but the newer shows he can transform into much more than ten."

"Uoh." Gracie murmurs and swings her legs back and forth as they watch cartoons until it's time to leave for school. I sip my tea and find myself enjoying this show way too much.

_You always make fun of Christian's 'un-healthy' grown up obsession with cartoons, you're just as bad! _

"You guys ready?" Luke asks them with a grin as he enters the family room, pulling me from the lure of Ben 10, the null void and humongousor.

"Yup Uncle Luke, we're ready to go." He stands up and swings his backpack over one shoulder and hands Gracie's to Luke then takes his sisters hand.

"Have a good day, where's my kisses?" I ask them both and Gracie rushes forward and clasps her hands around my legs. I lean down and kiss her lips and her nose and settle for kissing Ted's cheek.

"I love you both so much. Have fun, I'll see you when you get home." I say as I walk them to the front door.

"Love you too mom." Ted smiles and holds out his hand for Gracie, she takes it and skips alongside Ted as they walk out to the car. I love that they are so close, but I need to talk to Christian about my fears over Ted taking too much pressure on his shoulders where his brother and sisters are concerned.

* * *

October 1st 2021 9:25 PM

The last three days have been a royal fuck up. I promised Ana and the kids that no matter what, I would be home for dinner and to play with the kids before helping put them to bed. It's been three days since I have seen my children awake, except Matthew but that's only because he's up during the night to nurse.

I promised, I fucking promised that I wouldn't be kept from my family tonight and because the assholes who I am trying to take over from, obviously don't know shit, I've let them down, again. I never want to be the clichéd business man father who leaves well before his children wake up and doesn't come home until they're already asleep and that's exactly what I've done for the past three days. Our children deserve better than that. Ana deserves better than that—she's had to do pretty much everything for the kids for the last three days by herself, minus the help from Gail, but that's not the point… I should be there every step of the way, by my wife's side.

I look at my blackberry and I haven't received any response from Ana, I emailed her before leaving the office but she has yet to reply, which means one of two things: The first is that she's in bed asleep and the second is that she is beyond pissed at me, or maybe a combination of both. I sigh as I pull out my blackberry and call my assistant Andrea, the woman who has worked for me tirelessly and without complaint for fourteen long years, shit I need to give that woman a raise, and a big one.

"Yes Mr. Grey?" She answers, curt and professional as always even at this time of night. She recently had a little girl, who is around eight months old now, god the six months she had off for maternity leave was absolutely horrendous and I couldn't wait for her to come back. I was apprehensive as to whether she _would _come back but ultimately I made her an offer she couldn't refuse. Now her daughter is guaranteed a private education at Seattle Waldorf, and has a complete and full scholarship to whichever university she gets into as long as Andrea works for GEH for a minimum of four years from the date of her newly signed contract.

"Andrea, I need you to clear all my meetings for tomorrow. I don't care what it is, cancel it and reschedule."

"Certainly Mr. Grey, is there anything else I can do for you?" She asks.

"No Andrea, that is all. Oh, and Andrea?"

"Yes Mr. Grey?" She responds.

"Thank you for your diligent work, especially over the last three days, I don't tell you often enough how much of an asset you are to GEH." I finish and I think Andrea is speechless.

"Oh… um, well… thank you Mr. Grey." She finishes her statement like a question, which makes me smirk.

"Take tomorrow off and enjoy your weekend with your family. Goodbye Andrea." I say and immediately end the call, feeling slightly uncomfortable. I take a moment to note the time and date: which makes it, five days, two hours and thirty-five minutes until I can bury myself inside the wonder that is my wife's body.

_If she's actually speaking to you Grey! After all you did promise you'd be home for dinner, and to see the kids, to top it all off you didn't call her to inform her of your absence!_

I groan out loud as we pull up the driveway and I note that the entire house, well of what I can see is bathed in darkness, so Ana is probably asleep.

_You have so much grovelling to do tomorrow morning!_

Taylor pulls the car around straight to the garage and we both hop out.

"I won't need your services tomorrow Jason, since I'll probably be grovelling and busy pulling myself out the dog house." I say in a blatant attempt to put off the inevitable.

"I think I'll be doing the same Grey!" He chuckles and claps my shoulder as makes his way to the property he shares with Gail. I turn on my heel and head towards the house; I hope that Ana isn't too pissed at me, though she has every right to be livid.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

I open the front door as quietly as I can; the house is in darkness and total silence. Maybe I should get up early and make Ana breakfast in bed, well… I'll get Gail to do the actual cooking part and I'll just serve her the tray. The worst part of tonight's shitfest was when I eventually called her to inform her I wouldn't make it home in time… she tried so hard to hide her and the children's disappointment, but I could feel it radiating from her in waves as if she spoke the words loudly in my ears.

I loosen my tie and start unbuttoning my shirt as I creep up the staircase, then try to silently open our bedroom door so as not to disturb my wife's sleep.

_Yeah, sure it's about Ana's sleep… you don't want to wake her so that you get to sleep beside her!_

My jaw drops open when I walk into the room. The surfaces are laid with candles, bathing the room in subtle warmth and soft music playing via the docking station. My eye catches a piece of paper lying on our bed, something like the past three that I have left Ana each morning and dread settles in my gut.

I grimace as I pick up the note, knowing that Ana has probably written a horde of very angry words across the page, and she's justly entitled to do so. I've been a shitty husband and father over the last few days. I take a deep breath and begin to read the note.

_My darling Christian,  
I know you've had a rough week at work, especially over the last three days and I know how hard it's been for you having to stay late at the office and miss dinner with the kids, and our time as a family afterwards. I want you to know that I understand that you need to work late sometimes; please don't stress yourself out about these occasional incidents. I want you to know that I love you so much; you mean the world to me and our children._

_You're probably wondering why the room is covered in candles and I'm not there with you… don't worry, I'll be joining you soon. For the time being, please relax and unwind, there is a luxurious bubble bath and a glass of crisp Prosecco waiting for you in the bathroom._

_Please strip off your clothes and relax in the bath I've drawn for you. I'll see you soon baby._

_With so much love and devotion  
your wife, x _

I don't understand.

How can she do stuff like this when all I have done this week is abandon her, leaving her to deal with three kids and our newborn son. I don't know what I did to deserve Ana, but I'm sure fucking glad that for whatever reason, she loves me just as much as I love her; and at least on my part, that fact will never change.

I unbutton my shirt and shuffle out of my shoes before walking into the bathroom, a bubble bath has been drawn and the glass of chilled Prosecco is waiting for me on the counter. I quickly divest myself of my remaining clothing and slip into the warm bubbles. I sip my wine as I rest my head against the bath pillow, closing my eyes as the music floats into the bathroom via the built in speakers and begin to relax and unwind. Around fifteen minutes later I hear the bedroom door open and close and I can't get out of the water fast enough. I quickly rinse out the shampoo out of my hair, the Chanel one that Ana loves the scent of and hop out of the bath. I wrap a towel around my hips and run another over my hair to gather the residual moisture.

I step back into the bedroom and freeze upon finding Ana sitting on a blanket on the floor, in front of our bed. There is one place setting opposite from where she is sitting, wearing her gorgeous black thigh length silk robe, with her bare long legs tantalizingly on show.

_Fuck me I am one lucky bastard._

She crooks her forefinger at me, motioning for me to join her and all the blood in my body rushes due south.

"Mr. Grey." She huskily whispers before biting her lip, her eyes zoning on my naked chest which is still glistening and wet from my bath.

"Mmm, hello baby." I murmur as I sit down beside her, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. I try to deepen it but she pushes against my shoulders and pulls her head back.

"Dinner first. Go on, sit over there please." She motions to the opposite side of the blanket and I pout. I want to kiss, hug, hold and worship her beautiful body.

"Don't pout, just please let me do this for you." She flutters her lashes at me and I do as I'm told. She grabs a tray from the other side of the bed and sets it down just off to the side of her but I can't focus on the food, I'm lost in her eyes and I don't want to ever be found.

"I ordered in, come a little closer baby." She swipes her tongue along her lower lip and my breath hitches and she smirks in response. I shuffle closer to her, almost touching.

"Open." She murmurs, pure sin dripping from her velvet whisper. She maintains eye contact as she lifts her hand, the fork brushing against my lower lip briefly before I take it into my mouth. I moan as I realise it's my favourite dish from Canlis, Dungeness crab cake with marble potatoes and sugar snaps. I chew slowly and swallow, briefly contemplating asking for another glass of wine but Ana is one step ahead of me and places a glass to my lips. I take a slow sip, allowing the full flavour to assault my taste buds.

"Good Mr. Grey?" She asks, lifting another to my lips.

"No baby, it's delicious. I don't deserve any of this—" She cuts me off my raising her brow and smile "Sorry."I offer, hopefully looking as contrite as I feel.

"It's okay; just no more self-loathing okay." She smiles, leaning over and kissing a crumb from the corner of my mouth. She feeds me the remainder of my dinner and we chat about what our day has been like. I tell her all about the general fuckuppery of the last few days at the office and how much work GEH is having into this acquisition, I've had to fire three people this week alone because they clearly can't do the job the previous owner had employed them to do and draft in GEH employee's from other departments until HR can refill the position.

"Christian, shh... you're undoing all my hard work of relaxing you." She shakes her head with a slight smile.

"No more talk of work then Mrs. Grey?" She answers by silently mouthing 'No' and I chuckle.

"How have the kids been today?" I ask, trying to move onto a more appropriate topic of conversation.

"Oh you know… they've been their usual adorable selves. Gracie was so excited to go to school this morning. I printed off some photos of Yoda and Trix so she was off to show them to her friends with a massive grin this morning." A slight frown passes over her face but she clears it quickly.

_Hmm, I'll have to ask her when I'm not so distracted by her beautiful body and soul on display._

"I bet she did, she told me all about her plans for the 'big reveal'." I smile widely but it soon slips when I realise just how hurt they must be feeling right now.

"Are they really mad at me?" I ask, feeling fucking terrible for letting them down.

"No Christian, they aren't mad at you, how could they be? You do everything you possibly can to ensure that they're safe, loved and happy. They miss you terribly when you aren't with us but they understand sweetheart, I promise." I give her a slight smile as I feel the ever present ache that has grown in my heart over the last few days at the absence of interacting with our children, at least I have a chance of seeing and holding Matthew before the night is through.

"When did Matty go down?" I ask her as she lifts another forkful of food to my lips and I chew gratefully.

"I was just finishing up feeding him when you got home. He'll be asleep for a while so we have nothing to do but enjoy each other's presence." Her pupils dilate and her breathing increases, fuck I need her in my arms right now.

"Can I come back over there and join you baby, my lips are kind of lonely all the way over here." I say with a pout, I am desperate for her and it's another five days, one hour and however many minutes before I am allowed inside my happy place.

"Not yet, you still have to eat your dessert." She puts the empty plate back onto the tray and takes another dome covered plate from the other side of the bed.

_How much more stuff has she got hidden around there?_

She takes the bottle of wine out of the ice bucket and refills my glass before removing the dome from my dessert.

There is a small ceramic bowl on the plate and fresh halved strawberries artfully arranged on the side. She lifts one of the plump berries and dips it into the small bowl, wiping off the excess chocolate on the rim before slowly lifting it to my lips. I close my mouth around the berry and moan whilst I chew, once I've eaten what was in my mouth Ana offers me her fingers and I greedily take them, running my tongue all around each one until it's clean of chocolate.

"You like?" She asks, fluttering her lashes as she trails her gaze down my body. Now, for being 39 years old I'm in pretty good shape and by the way Ana's eyes darken with lust I'd say she thinks so too.

"Mmm, I sure do baby! But you taste better, trust me." I lower the volume of my voice, lust and desire evident in the tone. A blush graces my sweet wife's face and I can't help my smirk. After being married for eleven years, I can still make her flush in that beautiful hue of pink, like blush petals. I wish we'd done something big for our anniversary but Ana was quite heavily pregnant at the time so we decided to postpone and celebrate later. We haven't really done any 'big' celebrations at all these last two years, aside from Olivia's first birthday and that ended up kick starting the worst three weeks of my entire life. I'd love to make a whole song and dance over every birthday Ana has but she won't let me because she doesn't want to be reminded that she's getting a year older. So we just spend the day with family, usually opting to have some sort of barbeque, cook-out type of affair. Ana prefers to keep things low key these days.

I am pulled out of my thoughts by my wonderful wife presenting me with another delicious chocolate dipped strawberry. Ana continues give me my dessert, giving me sips of wine in between the ripe, sweet fruit.

"Can I feed you a few Mrs. Grey?" I ask her, my tongue skimming my top teeth. I can't eat any more and why waste it?

"No. Christian, I am doing this for you because I want to. This is all about you, I want you to relax and unwind. Have you had enough dessert?" She asks, holding my gaze with flames of desire in her darkened blue eyes; rendering me speechless as the shimmer in the soft light and I barely manage to nod. She smiles and clears everything away, placing everything back on the serving tray and laying it on top of our sideboard.

She holds out her hand to me and I pull myself to my feet. She reaches up on her tip toes and kisses my lips, too chastely for my liking. She smirks, knowing exactly what I'm thinking.

_Fuck, she can read me like an open book!_

She leads me over to the bed and for the first time since I entered our bedroom I notice that our duvet is missing and in its place is a crimson red silk sheet with one pillow in the center of the bed. I turn to look at her with confusion, trying to figure out what's about to happen but her face remains impassive.

"Remove your towel and lie face down on the bed for me please baby." She whispers, peppering my back and shoulders with butterfly kisses. I unwrap the towel from my hips and place it on the bed then position myself face down, adjusting my half-mast erection so that I am comfortable. I turn my head so that my cheek is resting on the pillow. Ana turns the music up a little, playing soothing lyrical songs to calm and relax me. I feel her drape the towel over my naked ass and smirk knowing that it'll distract her if it's on show. A few moments later I feel her straddle my towel clad ass and groan at the heat emanating from her core.

_Holy shit, I want to bury myself deep inside her and make her come so fucking hard. Five more days, five more days until we can have what we want most of all._

I feel her small soft hands that are slick with some sweet smelling oil glide across my back, up and around my shoulders and back down, passing over my ribs; which sends flashes of white-hot desire to my dick which is almost flying high at full mast. I lift my hips slightly and adjust myself into a more comfortable position.

"Oh god baby, that feels so fucking good." I groan as she works out the kinks in my shoulder blades and I feel the tension I have carried over the last three days slowly begin to leave my body.

"You are so tense baby, relax you have to let everything go and just concentrate on breathing and what my hands are doing." She says to me as her talented thumbs work over my spine, paying close attention to my lower lumbar region. Her hands leave me for a moment, obviously needing more of the lovely oil she's using. I moan as she moves to my ribs, barely ghosting over them with the tips of her fingers and an exceptionally light touch which causes me to shiver and my breath hitches in my throat as I feel my dick twitch.

She moves onto my arms, massaging from my shoulder all the way down to my fingers. Her hands trail over my back until she reaches the towel and removes it. She kneads my ass, using her thumbs to maintain pressure and move in circular motions, then moves onto my legs. Working her way down, eventually reaching my feet. She uses both of her thumbs to knead the balls of my feet, then catching me completely off guard by running her thumb nail along my instep which causes me to yelp. My body feels loose and languid almost as if I'm made of jelly and floating on air.

"Are you relaxed baby?" She asks, leaning forward to place a soft kiss between my shoulder blades.

"Definitely relaxed. I feel like I'm made of liquid right now." I say as I crane my neck slightly to see my fuck sexy wife.

"Turn onto your front Christian… I'm not finished with you yet!" Ana says as she gets up off my back. I quickly turn around, lying flat against the mattress with my fully erect length on show. Ana's eyes darken as her pupils dilate in obvious lust and love. I smirk as she lowers the towel to cover my rock hard dick and I can't help but chuckle at the tent situation going on. Ana straddles me like before, only this time she's sitting on my thighs since she can't really straddle my hips given my current situation.

Ana pours more oil in her palms and rubs them together to warm the massage oil which carries the sweet scent of vanilla to my nostrils and I can't help but smirk at the double meaning. She massages my chest, her fingers gliding over my stomach and back up over my ribs, using light strokes of her small soft hands. She works over my body, studiously avoiding the places I need her touch the most and I feel like I'm going to die of sheer frustration. She moves from limb to limb, slowly working out every kink in my body.

_Well, not all my kink since I still want to pull her over my knee and give her a good erotic spanking._

Her hands move back up my abdomen and settle on my chest as she straddles my stomach. I close my eyes as she leans down and capture's my lips in a searing kiss then trails her tongue along my jawline, her teeth nipping at the skin which is covered with a light dusting of stubble. When I reopen them I feel the most profound of loves staring right back at me, almost transparently, so that I can see, feel and detect all and every emotion we have felt with each other during out eleven years of marriage. I feel my eyes starting to nip, begging my tear ducts to release some much needed moisture.

"I love you Christian Grey." She whispers with reverence and my mouth falls open and my neck arches back into the pillow as her lips caress each scar lovingly on my chest. I can't help the emotional pants escaping my chest.

_Jesus, what is this woman doing to me?_ I don't know the answer but I know I never, ever want it to stop. She crawls her way up my body until she takes my face in her hands then lovingly and sweetly kisses my lips.

_Do not cry Grey. Grey don't fucking cry like a woos! Aw damn fucking damn it!_

"Ana…" I shake my head trying to fathom how to put these feelings into words. "No one... never has anyone ever made me feel so—" I take a deep breath, trying to calm my raging emotions "—So… loved and cherished. I love you Ana… god I love you so fucking much." I look up at my wife, with her beautiful blue eyes glassy and an emotional smile gracing her lips, she's so beautiful.

_Fuck, next you'll grow a pair of tits and a vagina Grey!_

"I love you too, so very much and Christian… you are loved, you are so cherished and not just by me but by our family, our children, and our friends. You are a wonderful man Mr. Grey and maybe one day you'll believe me when I say that." I give her a small smile, the slightly crooked one that's reserved only for her.

"Maybe one day Mrs. Grey." She leans down and seals her mouth over mine. Lightly brushing her tongue along my bottom lip, nibbling and tugging until I part my lips and give her the access she so desperately wants. I moan as her tongue explores my mouth, lapping and tasting until we pull apart, panting for precious air.

We lock eyes; so much emotion passes between us until the air surrounding our proximity crackles and sparks reverberate between us, such is our intense passionate embrace. Her tongue darts out as she licks her lips, smirking slightly before her hand trails back down my chest, her eyes holding my steady gaze as she reaches her destination. Her small soft hands gently remove the towel that's covering my length; she grasps it in her closed fist and slowly pulls it away before throwing it to the side. She moves her hand up and down my rock hard length, all the way from the root to the tip and back again. She kisses me, nibbling, licking, tasting my more than willing mouth.

"Mmm… oh god Ana." I groan, my hips bucking up towards her hand of their own volition.

"Shh, it's alright. I've got you." She whispers as her lips ghost down my neck, gliding along my collar bone which causes my mouth to form a silent 'ahh'. She continues along her path, kissing her way down my abs, briefly tracing her tongue along the lines of muscle. I gasp as she tugs on the hairs of my happy trail and I know she is close to her destination. I just want to feel her warm, wet core envelop me but her warm, wet mouth will have to do for another four days.

"Ana… ughh god!" I groan as the tip of her tongue traces around the sensitive head of my length. She moans around me, the vibrations shooting through me like pleasure infused daggers. I watch her perfect, pouty lips widen as she takes the down stroke, seeing my cock disappear into her pretty little mouth makes my eyes damn near roll all the way to China.

"Oh Jesus, fuck… you, oh…" I can't seem to string together a coherent sentence. I don't know why but everything feels so much more intense than usual. Now, my wife is amazing with her mouth but this time… the sensations coursing through me shake me to my core. I pant as she takes me all the way in, ball deep and groan as she sheaths her lips and sucks hard. Ana peaks up at me between her thick, lush lashes and smirks with her mouth full.

_Oh hot-fucking-damn!_

My hands thread into her long chestnut tresses, and my hips rise to meet her mouth. I feel the tugging, the pulling sensation begin low in my balls and a long growl escapes my chest.

"Fuck, you're mouth feels so good baby, I love you so much. Ughhh." My neck arches as her soft hands massage my balls and I know I'm almost there. I groan loudly as she removes her luscious mouth from my cock. She softly blows on the tip before fluttering her tongue all the way up the underside of my shaft from the thick root to the tip; circling it with her tongue before plunging down on me all the way to the back of her throat.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Take it all Ana, take all of me!" I grunt as I explode down her throat, and she swallows every last drop. She pulls me out of her mouth, licking my length clean and I am panting for breath and I feel my chest tighten with tears welling in my eyes and this time I am powerless to stop them. Ana kisses the tip of my erect length and moves her way back up my body, leaving kisses, licks, nips and sucks the whole way, whispering her devotion, her love and need for me. I keep my eyes closed, as if I believe by some childish ideal that if I don't see her, she can't see me. I feel her take my face in her hands and her thumbs brush away my tears.

"Christian… I… I didn't mean to hurt you I just wanted to show you that we're okay… what did I do? Shit, it was supposed to relax you… and make you feel good. I'm so sorry; please don't cry because you'll set me off." She whispers, when I open my eyes I find hers pained and sad.

"A-Ana." I shake my head, trying to find the words I need to say to make her understand how I'm feeling right now. "I'm crying like a sappy asshole because you make me feel so special, the way you touched and worshiped my body… you just made me feel like I'm the most important person in your world. Ana… when you fell into my office, baby you saved me, you saved my soul and revived my heart that was buried beneath dust, pain and suffering. I am so lucky Ana… I am so lucky and blessed to have you as my wife. You are my world Ana, you and our children are my life and I swear that tomorrow I will make these last few days up to them, and to you." I don't give her the chance to refute me, to tell me that I have nothing to 'make up' because I know that I do.

I take her face in my hands and I kiss her sweet, sweet lips with passion, reverence and such pure, unconditional love. I love her so much, sometimes I feel like I'll explode with happiness. I part her lips with my tongue, and I languidly explore her perfect mouth.

"Let me love you Ana… let me worship your body as you have mine." I turn us, adjusting our positions so that she is now lying on the bed with me looming above her. I take the belt of her robe and pull on it, slipping both hands inside and push the fabric apart. I gasp as my gaze roams her delicious curves. She is wearing black lace lingerie; the panties have a love heart shape in sheer fabric over her pubic mound and a tiny black bow just above it on the waistband as does the matching bra, except that it's in between her fuck delicious breasts. I take her face back in my hands and worship her lips, her neck, her breasts, down to her stomach and I feel her body tense as my fingertips glide over the skin that recently housed our youngest son.

"I love your body Ana, before we had the kids you had nice curves and now… Jesus your hips, they're so sexy and full. Your ass is as delectable as it's always been and don't get me started on your breasts. I could spend my life attached to them and I'd never get bored." I say with a salacious wink which causes my dear, sweet wife to blush and giggle. I graze my teeth over the flesh above her bra cup, licking my tongue around in circles over her satin soft skin. I reach behind her and unhook her bra, pulling the straps down her arms and free of her body, tossing it aside. I cup both of her heavy pert breasts, pushing them together before placing a kiss upon each perfect pink nipple. I bury my face in between them, nuzzling as I inhale her wonderful sweet scent.

Her hands run through my hair, slightly scratching my scalp as I move down her body, touching and caressing all that I can reach with my lips.

"Mmm… Christian." She groans arching her neck as my tongue circles her navel. I continue heading south, nipping from hip to him along the line of her panties, her very sexy, very silky panties. I pull the lacy fabric between my teeth, releasing it with a snap which earns me a throaty moan from my wife. I kiss my way over her panty-covered mound, nuzzling my nose against her, inhaling the musky all woman scent of her arousal. Her hands are resting in her hair as she gasps and pants from pure anticipation.

I push my thumbs into her panties and slowly removing them from her body, my mouth waters as I take the sight of her core, open and willing for me to peruse at our leisure. I nudge her leg with my knee, asking her to open up a little more and she does. I lick my lips as I note with glee that I can see her arousal glisten all over her heated core.

My fingertips ghost up her legs as I move closer to her; I'm barely touching her skin yet she shivers in delight. I smirk as I cup the back of her knee, hooking it over my hip as I grind against her, causing her pretty blue eyes to roll back in her head.

"Baby, you are so beautiful. You are perfect Anastasia. Absolutely perfect." I whisper, and I hope I am conveying how true my statement is. I remove the leg that's hooked around my hip and start kissing my way up her inner thighs. I take a deep breath and sigh as I inhale her musky scent which shoots straight to my painfully hard cock. I maintain eye contact as I slide my index finger through her folds and hiss a sharp breath through my teeth.

"Fuck Ana… you are so wet, did massaging me turn you on that much?" I ask with a smirk and she nods, biting her lower lip which makes me growl. I lean down and kiss her sweet core as my finger moves along the length of her, my tongue darts out, barely brushing her swollen clitoris. I kiss her one more time before lifting my head and stare into her eyes and I can tell that I am distracting her with my ministrations so I pause and she takes a deep breath.

"Christian…" She pauses, her face lighting up with a serene smile. "You are the only man in the whole world who could reduce me into a pool of need simply from touching, kissing and loving your beautiful body. To put it simply… your love for me is the biggest turn on I have ever felt. The way you look at me, you are so attentive to my needs and constantly reassure me in my roles as a mother, a wife and as the business woman you have helped me become. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me Christian and don't ever forget that, or how much I love you." My heart thumps erratically and I feel myself being compelled to thrust my cock inside her warm waiting body but I know I can't.

"God Ana, I love you… I love you so much." I whisper emphatically. I kiss her thighs and descend my mouth against her throbbing, wet flesh.

"Uhh… yesss." She breathes, her back fully extending as I suckle her pleasure nub into my mouth, lapping and nibbling at the swollen flesh.

"Oh god, Christian… please." She groans her lips parted to accommodate her laboured breathing. I increase my fervour sucking until my cheeks are hallowed and stroking her lips with my fingers, tickling her entrance and all the nerve receptors located there.

"Oh baby… fuck, right there… god Christian you feel so good. I can't… god I can't wait to have you inside me." She groans and mewls, arching her back. I reach up and fondle her breast, tugging and pulling on her nipple which causes her to cry out sharply, followed with a throaty moan.

"Don't stop… that's… god!" She sobs, her hands grasping at her hair.

"Shh, I'm going to take care of you baby and in four more days I will fuck you so hard and deep you'll barely be able to walk." I groan, mentally slapping myself for the intense visual I just created; which incidentally shot straight to my cock, causing the throb and ache to become more prominent. I twirl her nipple between my thumb and forefinger while my tongue probes her entrance.

"Oh… oh, fuck! Christian, Ughhh… I'm almost there, please." Her body was writhing beneath me, begging me to play her like the finely tuned instrument that she was.

"Baby, you are so fucking sexy. You are my siren and you always will be! You taste so good Mrs. Grey." I groan against her swollen clitoris. The vibrations coupled with the sharp tug of her nipple throws her over the edge and I wring out every ounce of debilitating pleasure from her sweet body.

"Fuuuck yesss Christian." She thrusts her hips against my mouth as she shakes and convulses with her intense release. Her orgasm goes on and on and on as she writhes beneath me. Once I draw the last of the tremors from her body I kiss my way up her body until my head is turned to the side, resting comfortably between her breasts. My arms are wrapped around her slim waist with her hands running through my hair. She wraps her legs around my waist and sighs happily, dreamily even.

"The kids made some things for you tonight; they're under your pillow. I had to help Olivia though, it's from Matthew too. I'd say for you to have a look but I'm just too damn comfortable to suggest you to move." She giggles and I can't help my smile.

"I promise I'll look in a little bit, I just want to hold you, and love you for a little longer." I feel her lips press against my hair. I open my eyes, intent on kissing those very sweet lips and my mouth pops open in wonder. I can't seem to tear my eyes from the milky droplets running from her nipples and I watch in awe knowing that the force of the orgasm I just gave her has made her milk let down.

_Is she even aware of it right now? _ As her hands caress my back and shoulders I realise that although I've 'tasted' Ana's breast milk occasionally during sex, for a split second if I'd lingered too long during nipple stimulation but that was the extent of it. Never have I been so compelled to take her breast in my hands and close my mouth around her perfect pink nub and actually nurse, I don't think I can ignore this forbidden desire.

_Would she even let me?_

I don't know how she'd feel about this but I want to try. I really want to share this intimate and miraculous moment with her, hell I don't think I've ever wanted something as much as I want this…

_Except when I wanted to make her mine; my sub, my girlfriend, my fiancée and my wife._

I honestly don't think she is aware that she's leaking… that the white milk is dripping from her nipples, flowing over her ribs, and trickling down onto the red, silk sheets. I lift my head slightly to look in her eyes and all I can see is such love, understanding and acceptance of who I am as a man, a father, a husband and simply as a human being reflected in her glittering baby blues.

I pull myself up and lay a kiss on her pouty and slightly swollen lips as her hands cup and caress my face.

"Ana… thank you for tonight baby." I pause, smiling at the look of utter contentment written all over her face. "I was… a little apprehensive on the way home. I emailed you and you never replied so I figured you were going to be so mad at me for missing another dinner and another night of bedtime stories. I miss you all so much whenever I'm not here Ana." I speak from the heart, feeling the ache that has been present for the last seventy-two hours.

"Christian, I understand that sometimes you have to work late. You work so hard to provide for our family, to give our children everything you didn't have when you were a little boy. How could I ever be mad at you for that?" She asks as she rhythmically runs her fingers through my damp hair. I take a deep breath and we lock eyes, I lean down and rub my nose along the length of hers, our foreheads pressed together.

"Ana…" I pause, unsure how to phrase this in the right way, I know that whichever words I use aren't going to do these feelings that I have justice, so I need to show her with my actions what I want. I close my eyes and nuzzle deeper into her hold, when I meet her heated, darkened gaze I feel all breath leave my body. Even after all these years, she still completely disarms me and leaves me bare, vulnerable and open. I exhale heavily and pull back a little so that I can see her properly enough to gauge her response, her reaction to my new found deepest desire.

"I don't know how you're going to feel about this, baby… promise me that you'll tell me to stop if you don't like it or it makes you feel uncomfortable?"

"I'll tell you." She whispers with a confused expression.

"Promise?" I ask, gazing deeply into her eyes.

"I promise I'll stop you if I don't like what you're doing. I have to admit that you have me curious now, there isn't a whole lot we haven't already done Christian." She giggles, cupping my cheek in her hand and I turn my head, placing a kiss in her palm. I take a deep breath and try to irradiate the gnawing anxiety in the pit of my stomach.

What if it disgusts her? What if I disgust her for even wanting this?

_No! Ana loves you Grey! She loves her side dish of kink just as much as you do._

"Turn on your side baby." I whisper softly, moving from my home between her long, silky soft and smooth legs. Ana turns onto her side, still not noticing that her breasts are flowing with her milk. I know that Matthew has already been fed and that this is excess. She's even having to pump multiple times a day as she's making too much milk and that's with Olivia nursing before bed.

I move closer to her, mirroring her position on my side. I thread my leg in between hers and hold myself close to her body with my head level with her beautifully perfect breasts.

"Just remember that I love you so much and I want us to share this intimacy… I need this so badly baby, so please just try? If you feel uncomfortable tell me and we'll stop. I'll wrap you in my arms and hold you until morning." I whisper emphatically, feeling the ache clawing its way through my chest. I reach forward, cupping her full breast in both of my hands and stroke the soft mound with all the reverence I feel. My eyes dart up to meet hers and back to her breast and I see realization dawn upon her perfect features.

I move my mouth towards her nipple slowly, showing her with my actions what I'm about to do without having to say the words. Giving her the opportunity to back out before I even begin. I quickly look up at her, meeting her eyes as I place a loving kiss on her nipple, licking the trickle of milk that's ran down the soft underside of her breast.

She smiles down at me lovingly and gives me a nod of encouragement. She wraps her arm around me, cradling me with her body and her absolute love. I take a deep breath and close my eyes as I take her nipple into my mouth, suckling softly in a way so unlike I ever have before. I feel her milk start to flow into my mouth as the room is filled with my swallows and soft sighs.

Ana settles down and has a look of pure serenity all over her face, the room is filled with such peach and intimacy during this moment, giving me everything I never knew I needed. I can't believe the feelings of completeness that are rushing through my body and my heart as she gives me this wonderful gift, this amazing feeling that we are sharing.

Once I have emptied one breast I move onto the other and I feel my eyes start to flutter, becoming heavier with each passing second. I barely register the sound of Ana's even, rhythmic breathing as I join her in sleep with mouth enveloping her nipple.

* * *

_Okay guys, give it to me…_

_What did you think?_

_Was it too creepy and weird? Was it too sappy or did you guys think it was super-hot? _

_I really don't know how I feel about it personally. I think I'd feel a little socially paranoid with moral appropriateness if you know what I mean… LOL_

_Tell me your thoughts below in the review box below ~ x_

_Thanks once again to Riley for her awesome building block of an exceptional chapter plot line. I liked the way this turned out and it gave me the perfect opportunity to introduce this controversial topic in fifties world!_

_Review if you have time :D_

_W/L  
S, xo_


	89. Chapter 89: Sneaky Ana

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

* * *

I am standing in front of the wall length mirror in my dressing room trying to figure out what to wear for this evening. Christian thinks that my appointment with Dr. Greene isn't until the sixth of October but it was actually at 9am this morning and I have her written consent to resume normal activities, since I know Christian will want proof.

I can't help but smile when I think back to Friday night, of how we shared a precious bond in those moments where he nursed from me. I'll admit that when he was leaning towards me, showing me what he was about to do I was struck dumb until I realised that I really wanted him to, in fact I needed it just as much as he did and I know I want to do it again. I have a lot to smile about this fine Monday morning.

I am pulled out of my thoughts when the phone starts ringing. I dash back into the bedroom since Matthew has just gone down to sleep in his bassinette which is right beside the phone, I don't want him to wake up all crabby.

"Hello." I say as I sit on the bed.

"Hi darling, how're you?" Grace asks.

"Oh hi, I'm great… how about you and Carrick?"

"We're fine sweetheart, except for the fact that every day, we're another day older." She answers with a chuckle and I giggle back with a smile on my face. I hope that Christian and I will be as happy as Grace and Carrick are after all the years they've shared.

"I was just calling to see if you still want me to take the kids for the day?" Grace asks me, and I can almost sense her smirk.

"Uh… yes." I grin. "I went to my appointment this morning with Dr. Greene and got a clean bill of health. Of course, Christian doesn't know, he thinks my appointment is this coming Wednesday." I can't wait for tonight…

"So, what's the plan… how is Matthew doing with the bottle, did you get the teats that are as close to your nipple as possible?" Man this is an awkward conversation.

"Yeah, I did. He's been fine since I started using those. It's only been a few days but I think everything will be fine for a few hours. He'll be due to nurse at around three o'clock so if you can come to collect the kids at four, is that alright with you?"

"Yes darling, that's fine with me. Now, what time should I expect you to pick them up?" Damn, if I know her son as well as I think I do, we'll be having round after round, after round.

"Ana… are you still there?" She asks, pulling me out of my sexual thoughts.

"Yeah, sorry I kinda just zoned out there. Um, I think Christian and I will pick them up around seven?" I answer her but it sounded like a question; I am such a dumb ass because Grace bursts out laughing.

"Oh Ana, I think you and I both know that seven isn't going to happen." I feel a crimson blush creep from my hairline to my breasts. How embarrassing!

"How about this, I'll keep the kids overnight. I'm not working tomorrow so I can take Ted and Grace to school. I'm more than happy to take Matthew overnight too but I understand if you aren't comfortable leaving him yet. You can come collect Olivia and Matthew—if he stays—when you and Christian are… let's just say 'finished' with each other tomorrow." She sniggers and I want to die. This is the most awkward conversation I have ever had! I can't believe my mother-in-law is teasing me about my sexual relationship with her son.

_Well, I wouldn't go that far; remember the conversation with your mother when she walked in on you and Christian going at it like bunnies!_ Yeah, I forgot about that.

"Um, okay… what about if you take the kids and when Christian comes home we can discuss whether Matthew will stay overnight or not?"

"That'll be fine. Matthew is able to feed from a bottle if he needs to, so Christian shouldn't have a problem with the both of you having a little break from your brood." She chuckles.

_Yeah but he doesn't know that yet Grace!_

"He isn't exactly aware that I've been giving Matthew bottles yet, since I wanted to surprize him with some time to ourselves. I don't know if you're aware but he's been having a hard time with work. He's been leaving the house before the kids wake up and not getting back until they're asleep and been really worked up about it, since he doesn't want to be one of _those fathers_. I guess he feels guilty and thinks he's abandoning me and the kids. It took me forever to convince him that it wasn't the case at all."

"I think he just finds it hard being away from you and the kids for any length of time, but If I know my son Ana, he won't be too angry about little Matty getting a bottle if he's getting some… let's say, undivided time and attention from you."

"Yeah, um this conversation is getting a little weird now."

"Ana sweetheart, you have four children, and I do know how that happens. I may be old but I still happen to know just how enjoyable sex can be."

_Aw snap._

"Uh… see, well… I"I haven't got a fucking clue what I'm supposed to say to that! I stop panicking when Grace starts laughing hysterically.

_Someone kill me now and save me from this conversation!_

"Ana… honey I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist winding you up a little!" She sniggers and I must resemble the color of a freshly cooked lobster.

"I can't believe you just said that to me. Grace, you should see my face… I'm bright red." I groan as I try to stifle my laughter.

"Again, I'm sorry. Anyway, I'll see you at four o'clock darling. Mia is planning on coming over and spending the night since Ethan is away at a conference and because she's pregnant she's afraid that something will happen and she won't have anyone to help her. Plus she wants to get some practice with Matty." Grace tells me and I feel terrible for Mia, she and Ethan took it really hard when they lost the baby a few years ago but they got through it together and they're elated that the pitter-patter of tiny feet will sound through their massive house.

"Well at least you'll have a hand with our little monsters. I'll see you at four then."

"They're adorable monsters though. I better go and get myself ready to come over and collect them. I'll see you soon. Bye Ana."

"Bye Grace." I hang up the phone and place it in the cradle. I peek into Matthew's bassinette and thankfully he's still asleep. I go back into the dressing room and start flipping through my dresses to see what I can wear for tonight.

When Christian left this morning he was wearing his gorgeous charcoal suit with a sexy white dress shirt, he looked positively delicious. I'll have to call him to ask if he's definitely going to be home for dinner tonight. I don't want to go to all this effort and end up dressed up and eating alone with no children because that would suck, in fact… I think I'll do it right now. I pick up my blackberry and take a seat on the chaise lounge in the dressing room.

"Hello Mrs. Grey." His silken voice floats to my ears.

_And your panties_

"Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting anything?" I hope that he isn't in a meeting, especially with the sexy toned voice he answered my call with.

"No, I'm just sitting in my office reading over some contracts. Is everything alright?" He asks and I roll my eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me Mrs. Grey; you know what happens to insolent little girls who can't mind their manners." I can almost hear his smirk.

_How does he always know?!_

"I was just calling to see if you'll be home in time for dinner?" I hope he can't tell that I'm planning something.

"I'll be home baby, I promise. No more late nights for a while. I should be home for five-thirty."

"Okay, I'll see you later then."

"We may have to get very creative tonight Mrs. Grey." He lowers his voice, sex dripping off every syllable, which makes the muscles down deep clench deliciously.

"Mmm, I can't wait for that Mr. Grey." I so can't wait to feel him slip inside me. It's been six long assed weeks.

"Fuck, I want you so bad. Two more day's baby. Two more days' and you are all mine, round after round."

"Christian, please don't tease me right now because I need you." I answer, because it's true. I am in desperate need, which makes him chuckle.

"I'll see you soon Mrs. Grey. I love you so much."

"I love you too Christian." I end the call and get back to looking through my dresses with a smile on my face, I can't fucking wait for tonight!

I end up picking out a gorgeous Tadashi Shoji lace applique cocktail dress, which I haven't worn and Christian hasn't seen. It has a pleated skirt that hits below the knee; it's sleeveless and has a bateau neckline. The bodice is made of silk fabric in a muted gold color with black lace over the top; which means you're fully covered yet the dress whispers sensuality. The lace detailing and embellishment's run down the entire bodice and end up going over the waist line just slightly.

Mia actually picked it out for me the other day and I instantly fell in love. I think mainly because the dress is sexy yet understated and appropriate since I'm no longer a fresh faced twenty-one year old who can get away with wearing anything, sadly.

I pair the fabulous dress with my brand new five inch Angelique leather and chiffon Louboutin pumps which have a gorgeous leather bow embellishment on the front of the shoes. I'm glad Mia convinced me to buy them, she was amazing on that shopping trip, and seems to always know what will or won't look good on me. I used to hate going shopping, in fact, I detested it, but over the years I've learned to appreciate my sister-in-law stylist. I pick out my simple platinum 3CT diamond studs and pendent and a lovely platinum and diamond anklet that Christian bought me for our eleventh anniversary.

I hang the dress up to air off and place my accessories on the dresser and lay out my make-up and curling iron so that everything is ready to go when Grace picks up the kids.

I take Matt's monitor into the bathroom with me, I tie my hair up into a messy bun and have a quick shower; thankfully I don't have to shave since I went to the spa with Mia after our shopping trip, I got a full body wax done which is basically you're downstairs—which is now completely bare and I know Christian will love it—your legs, underarms and upper lip if you need that waxed, and thankfully I don't. Once I'm finished in the shower I get into a pair of comfy sweats and a cami, then sit down to put my heated rollers in my hair for volume and bounce. Once I'm finished I wrap my head in a silk scarf.

I check on my little angel and he's still sound asleep. I take his monitor downstairs with me to spend some time with my baby girl, who is sitting on the floor in the family room with a Sippy cup in one hand and a piece of soggy cookie in the other. Just as I go to sit down the scent of warm chocolate chip cookies, plus the distinct scent of my favourite cookie of all 'raisin, oatmeal and cinnamon aka ROC cookies' seep through the room and I instantly follow my nose straight to the kitchen.

"Mmm, they smell delicious Gail. I swear you make the best cookies on the planet."

"I wouldn't go that far, but thank you for the amazing compliment. I already poured you a glass of ice cold milk and here are your cookies. Oh, and I got the call from the Fairmont, saying that everything is taken care of in the Cascade Suite and you've to give them a call when you leave the restaurant so that they can make final preparations for your arrival. Here's the number you've to call, don't worry because they won't ask you any questions that you'll be unable to answer without spoiling the surprize." She says as she hands me number on a small piece of paper then passes me the glass of milk and a small plate with a chocolate chip and ROC cookie.

"You are my hero Gail Taylor. Thank you for everything." I say as I take a bite into the warm cookie, which is baked to perfection. The outside is golden brown and crunchy and the center is the perfect balance between gooey and chewy. Gail laughs at me as I go back to the family room, munching on my cookies. I am so excited for tonight.

"Hey princess." I say to Olivia as I sit beside her on the floor whilst she watches TV.

"Mama, wook." She tugs on the sleeve of my t-shirt then points her chubby finger at the television.

"Are you watching Dora the explorer?" I ask her as she takes a piece of cookie from the bowl in front of her and pops it into her mouth and nods at me. We watch the end of the episode and Liv has apparently got bored of watching TV.

"Pway, my beebear." She grabs the stuffed animal and holds it in a bone crushing hug.

_Mental note: Do not let Olivia beside the puppies unless supervised!_

We play with her bear and the majority of the toys that are kept in the family room until Matty wakes up.

"I'm just going upstairs to get your baby brother sweetie, and once I've finished up with him we'll play some more okay?" I cross my fingers and hope that she doesn't throw a tantrum.

"Otay mama." She jabbers at her beebear. I have no idea where the name came from; she just started calling it beebear the moment we gave it to her. I am so glad that she's finally starting to warm up to Matt's presence.

"Gail I'm just going up to feed Matthew, can you keep an eye out for Olivia?" I ask as I pop my head into the kitchen.

"Sure Ana, that's no problem." She answers with a grin. I honestly don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for Gail.

I go upstairs and lift Matt from his bassinette and hold him close as I head into the nursery. I lay him down on the table and kiss his cute cheek as I pull down the cotton pants he's wearing which are textured to look like denim, and unsnap his vest so that I can change his diaper. He fusses as I clean him up with a wet wipe, it must be quite a shock getting one of those cold wipes across your bottom. I should invest in a wipe warmer. Once I'm done I refasten his vest and pull up his cute baby pants. He has an adorable cotton t-shirt on and a blue hooded cardigan. I love putting his little outfits on him; because he looks like such a little boy. My favourite outfit on him, which his daddy picked out, is a cute grey and blue patterned grandfather vest with a short sleeved white t-shirt underneath and dark blue faux denim pants. I pick him up and hold him to my chest while I walk over to the rocking glider and sit down. His little arms are flailing around as I lift my t-shirt up and unfasten my nursing bra.

"Guess what Mat-Mat; you're maybe staying with Grammy Grace and pop-pop tonight. I don't know if daddy will let you though, you know what he's like when it comes to protecting you, your brother and sisters." I say as he latches on with his little hand is resting flat against my breast. I rock back and forth as I sing to him and he drinks hungrily. After a little while he turns his head to the side and starts to fuss.

"Come on little guy, I think you have a sore tummy and need to give me a big burp huh?" I grab a burp cloth and throw it over my shoulder and lift Mat so that he's resting against it. I rub and pat his back for a while but he won't give it up to me. His little legs are drawn up to his chest so I know he has wind.

"Come on sweet boy, your tummy must be sore and I know that you're still hungry but mommy can't give you more milk until you get this wind up." I continue to rock as I rub and pat, rub and pat until he gives me a very satisfying belch.

"There you go, good job Matt." I lay him back in my arms and he immediately opens his mouth to latch.

"I knew you were still hungry." I giggle as I stroke the hand that's resting on my breast.

"Oh you look like your daddy Matthew, even more so than your big brother." I whisper quietly as his eyes start to flutter like butterfly wings. I sing to him, rocking in the glider while he feeds, and after a while his mouth goes slack as he falls sound asleep.

I check my watch and it's almost 3.25pm and I still have to get Matthew's stuff ready. I grab his blanket and swaddle him, then go downstairs and lay him down in his other bassinette in the family room. He stirs for a moment then settles back down and I breathe a sigh of relief. I don't think he sleeps as good in his crib since it's so big. Thankfully Grace has a bassinette and crib over at her place so I don't have to hunt out the pack and play that we bought when Gracie was born. Everything is already packed for Grace, Ted and Olivia so all I have to do is get Matthew's stuff ready.

I go back up and get one of the holdalls from our dressing room and into Matthew's nursery to pack everything that he would need if he does spend the night. I grab a full unopened pack of diapers and wipes, tossing them into the bag along with plenty changes of clothes, onesie's, vests and burp cloths. I also put the lion comforter that Gracie picked out for her little brother when he was born; it's a square of soft, fluffy toffee colored material with a small stuffed lion attached in the center so that he can hold onto it when he's a little older. I still have Ted and Gracie's packed in the boxes filled with their baby stuff up in the attic. Olivia still sleeps with hers, she stokes the soft fabric against her cheek when she's falling asleep, which reminds me to pack hers as soon as I'm finished with Matt's stuff.

I double check that I have packed everything that the kids will need and once I'm satisfied I take everything downstairs and leave it in the foyer so Luke can take it out to Grace's car. Gail is on the floor with Olivia sitting on her lap, facing her. Gail is holding Olivia's wrists and moving so that her hands clap together which is making Olivia giggle and squeal in delight.

"Mama." She giggles and flops forward so that her forehead rests on Gail's chest.

"What are you doing little miss. Is Nana playing with you?" I ask her as I sit down on the sofa. Olivia nods excitedly then wiggles herself out of Gail's lap and launches herself onto mine.

"Mama, lub you," She wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a massive slobbery kiss.

"And I love you cutie-pie." I kiss the tip of her nose as she reaches over and takes a hold of her Dora phone and starts to fiddle with it in my arms with a yawn. It's almost time for her nap and I'm positive that she'll conk out as soon as she's in the car on the way to Grace and Carrick's.

Just at that I hear Luke bringing in Gracie and Ted.

"Hey mommy. Everyone thought the puppies were soooo cute! Rachel said that Yoda and Trix should have a play date with Max, can we do that mommy? OH, and I gaved your card to Lexi's mommy myself cause she camed to pick Lexi up, her mommy's nice and she tolded me to called her Diane, but I called her Miss Diane, is that right mommy?" She asks as she rattles on barely taking time for a breath.

"Yes, that's right baby. You've had a pretty good day then huh?" She nods and wraps her arms around my neck. "So what did Miss Diane say when you gave her my card?" I ask her as I twirl the end of her waist length braided pigtails around my finger.

"She said that she'd gived you a call and gaved me her card to give to you, I'll go get it." She jumps of my lap and goes running towards her backpack, pulling out a business card and skips her way back to my arms and hands me the card.

"So what happens now mommy, are you gunna call her?" She asks with those adorable puppy dog eyes.

"I'll give her a call and if they aren't doing anything on Saturday then they can come over for lunch. Maybe if it's a nice day daddy can get the grill out on the patio and invite everyone over."

"That would be awesome." Gracie says with a big grin.

"You, Ted, Liv are going over to spend the night at Grammy Grace's tonight, Matt's maybe spending the night too bug, are you excited?"

"Yeah, it's always fun with Poppa Carry and Grammy Grace."

"Well go check your princess bag and pick a few toys to take with you. I already packed your iPad and 3DSi. Same goes for you Ted, why don't you both pick out a few toys or DVD's each and put them in your bag, and pick out a few for Olivia too."

"Yes Mommy. Once we're done can we play with Yoda and Trix until Grammy gets here?" Gracie asks with a pleading expression.

"I don't think you have much time but if you hurry up and check your stuff you'll have longer to play with the puppies." I kiss her hair before she jumps off my lap and goes running into the foyer to check her bag.

"Ana, darling…" Around twenty minutes later I hear Grace as she enters the foyer and Gracie jumps up and launches herself out the family room.

"GRAMMY, come see Trix and Yoda. They're getting bigger." She says excitedly.

"Really… have they grown a lot?" She asks as she walks into the family room carrying her granddaughter.

"Wow, they are getting bigger. They're just gorgeous! Hey there little one." Grace leans down and pets Trix who is jumping up at her.

"Trix, no! No jumping." I scold her, hoping that she'll listen but as with everyone else in this house… one word from me and she does what she wants.

_She has you wrapped around her pretty dewclaw. _

"Yep… they're adoraba-bubble, I can't say that word." She sighs with a pout and I successfully stifle my laughter.

"Grams, can we maybe bring the puppies to your house tonight, we'll miss them and they'll miss us… pleeeease?" She asks with a hopeful lilt to her voice and I know it's mommy's duty to step in.

"Gracie, we've spoken about this. You can't take the puppies to sleep overs because they'll get confused and upset thinking that they're moving all over again when they've just got used to our house."

"Okay… but mommy… you gotta love me for trying." She says with a cheeky expression and a giggle. I can't help but laugh, and Grace joins in with me then set's her granddaughter on her feet and Gracie takes off to where the puppies are rolling around on the floor with Teddy.

"She is so like Mia, oh Ana dear you are going to have so much fun when she hits her teens." Grace laughs as she nudges her shoulder against mine with a wink and I pout.

"I know." I groan. "I'm terrified of her teenage years, so is Christian." I say as I watch my daughter cuddle and pet Yoda, kissing the end of his wet nose and giggles as he licks her cheek. I grab my blackberry and text Luke, telling him to take the kids stuff out to Grace's car and that they'll be leaving for Grey Manor soon. A few minutes later he arrives from the security suite and does just as I asked.

"Everything is being taken out to the car for you Grace. I've given you enough things for Matthew if he does end up spending the night, there is plenty of frozen breast milk in the cooler and there's around three bottles of milk that's ready to go." I say in a rush, I take a deep breath and try to calm myself.

"I feel a little terrified leaving him since he's only six weeks old." I tell Grace, allowing the anxiety to swirl in my stomach. She places her hand over mine and gives me a reassuring squeeze.

"Ana, he'll be just fine. If he doesn't take the bottle when his feed is due then I'll give you a call. Don't worry." She says as she wraps me in a comforting hug.

"And are you sure you're alright having all four of them all night, I don't want to impose… I mean, is Mia definitely coming over to your place?" I ask her as I chew on my fingernail.

"Yes, Mia is definitely coming over and I'm positive that you are not imposing. We'll be fine." She reassures. I take a deep breath and pick up my sleeping infant, peppering his temple with kisses as I lay him down inside his sleep suit and zip him up then strap him into his carrier. Thankfully he has managed to sleep through.

"Olivia you little monster, come get your coat on you're gonna go stay with Grammy Grace and Pop-Pop."

"Gams, thee pop-pop." She squeals as she runs over and wraps her arms around Grace's legs. I hope to god I look as good as Grace when I'm her age because damn, she still has it.

"Are we gonna go see pop-pop Livvy?" She asks as she lifts Olivia into her arms and helps her into her jacket.

"See you tomorrow Mom, love you." Ted gives me a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug before going outside and into the car.

"Love you too bear, be good and mind your manners okay. Same for you bug, be a good girl, I love you." I get an extra-long squeeze from Gracie and I kiss her forehead.

"Love you mommy, makes sure you give Yoda and Trix their bed time Scooby snax." She tells me as she goes out. I swear that kid is Christian Grey over the back, always issuing instructions.

"Mama, stay wif you." Olivia pouts and reaches over to me. I take her in my arms and Luke lifts Matthew's carrier, strapping him into the car. Luke is going over with Grace, just to keep an eye on things. Over the last two years, I've learned to appreciate and understand the need for 24/7 security.

"I thought we were going to go see Pop-Pop?" Grace asks Olivia, holding her arms out but Liv shakes her head and buries her face into my neck.

"Nao, stay mama." She answers.

_Oh boy._

"Olivia, you can't stay with mama. Ted, and Gracie are going to Grammy Grace and Pop-Pop's and they'll get to have lots of fun. I bet Pop-Pop even has some candy for you." I whisper in her ear and she pulls back and peers up at me with a slight smile.

"Tay, go thee Pop-Pop. Gams, go get tandy." She answers with a toothy grin, holding her arms out to Grace.

"Give me a goodbye kiss." She smacks her lips to mine then willingly goes with Grace, who holds her on her hip and gives me a one-armed hug.

"The kids will have fun with Carry and I won't we Livvy?"

"OH, Beebear mama." She cries, wriggling in Grace's arms; as she tries to get down to get her bear.

"It's okay Liv; mama will go get Beebear for you." I go back into the family room and fetch her soft, fluffy bear. She loves that thing so much.

"Here you go angel, have fun at Gram's and pop-pops."

"Try to relax and have a good time Ana; please don't worry about the kids. They'll have a blast, I promise. Why don't you and Christian come over tomorrow for lunch, I'll give Kate and Elliot a call and see if they can come too. It'll be fun to have the whole family around the house." Grace asks with a hopeful expression.

"Yeah, we'd like that too. In regards to relaxing; that's easier said than done." I say with a smile and take a breath. "But I know that they'll have a good time. I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow, I love you princess. What time do you want us over at?" I lean over and kiss Olivia's forehead and Grace's cheek as I ask.

"Say, two o'clock?" Grace suggests.

"Okay, we'll see you at two then. Bye Grace, call me if you need anything or if we need to pick them up, it doesn't matter what time just call us and we'll come straight over."

"We'll be fine. Have fun and don't do anything that I wouldn't do." She smirks and gives me a cheeky wink before strapping her granddaughter in the car, then gets in herself with Luke driving. I stand and wave as they drive away and if I'm being honest, I feel a little lost without the little monsters running around the house.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

I head back upstairs to get ready—I can even consume alcohol since Matt can drink the bottles I have prepared tomorrow. I will probably be wasted off one glass of wine.

_Ooh, yummy, scrumptious alcohol!_

I grab my make-up bag and get to work on my face, still contemplating whether to stay in or surprize my husband. I take out my 'Bare Mineral' foundation powder, which gives me full coverage and an even skin tone. Of course, Christian argues that I don't need it but evidently I disagree. I take my kabuki brush and sweep it over my face. I apply some bronzer, giving my skin a light, subtle glow and apply a light peach blusher to my cheeks then get to work on my eyes.

I go with my trademark dark smoky eyes, with an exaggerated flick of liner. I sweep some clear gloss over my bottom lip then rub them together to spread it out. Christian hates sticky lip gloss.

I go into my lingerie drawers and pull out a beautiful black and gold set, complete with stockings and garters, which I know will have my husband drooling. I smirk at the thought. I get my dress and step into it, fastening the zipper and sliding into my black leather and chiffon Louboutin pumps which are incredibly comfortable.

Finally I start removing the rollers from my hair then flip my head forward and shake it out. Once I'm upright again I take a pea-sized amount of shine serum and rub my palms together. I work the serum through my hair, smoothing out any frizz, allowing my bouncy, wavy hair to curl below my breasts. I apply another coat of mascara and lip gloss before stepping back from the mirror and take a look at myself.

_Damn you look good, sexy, amazing, deliciousness all rolled up into one potent hot cocktail of pure sex and sin!_ My inner goddess tells me with a smirk as she lies naked on the playroom bed with her legs wide open, she has absolutely no shame.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

I jump into my red R8 with Reynolds following in one of our many Audi SUV's. I turn the music up and roll down the window as I drive towards the city. I'm taking my husband out for dinner then we're going back to the Cascade suite where I'll fuck him seven ways to Sunday.

_I cannot wait, and I am oh so ready!_

I pull into the lot at GEH and park in one of Christian's many 'reserved' spots and wait for Reynolds to get out of the SUV and escort me into the building.

"Mrs. Grey, are we going inside?" He asks me, his face stoic, emotionless, blank.

"Yes, and for the millionth time, call me Ana."

"Yes Mrs. Grey." He replies, a slight smirk tugging at the corners of his lips, his jaw muscle twitching as he tries to remain inexpressive and indifferent. I shake my head with a chuckle as he escorts me into the building.

"Hello Mrs. Grey."  
"Good morning Mrs. Grey."  
"It's lovely to see you Mrs. Grey."

I acknowledge them as I walk towards the private elevator, giving each person who speaks to me a smile or a wave as I pass them. Once I'm in the elevator and the doors have closed I release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Are you alright Mrs. Grey?" Reynolds asks, looking at me with worry creasing his eyes.

"I'm fine, I just hate when I attract unwanted attention." I say with a tight smile, trying to settle the nerves fluttering around in my stomach.

"Oh, hello Mrs. Grey, how are you?" She asks with a smile.

"I'm fine Andrea, and how many times do I have to ask you to call me Ana? I've known you for eleven years for goodness sake, we should definitely be on first name basis. How is you're daughter, she must be what… eight or nine months now?"

"I know but Mr. Grey would never allow it, and I love my job." She says with a laugh, her eyes bright and dancing. "She's just over eight months and just amazing; trouble should have been her middle name though, honestly… she is so mischievous and is always getting into stuff she shouldn't. I am terrified of her teenage years." She laughs, shaking her head.

"Tell me about it, I was just talking about Gracie's teenage years today, it's going to be so hard to let any of our babies go out into the world and make their own mistakes and successes, by the end of it I'm sure my hair will be pure white." Andrea laughs at me from her seat in front of the reception desk.

"Well, we have a while to go until their teenagers so our hair pigment is safe for now." I really like Andrea but right now I'm burning, burning for the man sitting in front of his large desk, demanding perfection and in total control which makes my insides quiver, my panties wet and my knees turn to jelly. Just the thought of his length pounding into me makes my mouth dry and my pupils dilate with desire and I can't wait another second.

"I'm going to head in to see my husband… he isn't in a meeting or anything is he?" I ask, twirling my engagement and wedding bands around my finger.

"No, he's free Mrs. Grey." She answers.

"Thank you Andrea." I whisper and wink as I walk by. I grab the handle on his office door and I am catapulted back to the first time I ever walked over this threshold and it makes me grin.

If someone had told me that within eleven years—and however many months—of meeting _the _Christian Grey, I'd be married to him and had his babies… I'd have had them carted off to the nearest loony bin because there's no way he would ever have any interest in me!

I enter his office and he's sitting at his large desk, barking instructions to some pour soul on the phone and on the receiving end of his ire. I close the door, turning the lock but my husband is so absorbed by his telephone conversation that he doesn't notice me. I walk forward, and clear my throat.

"I am fucking busy; can't you see that I'm on the phone?" He growls, keeping focused on whatever documents are in front of him, growling at me because he thinks I'm an employee and I have to bite my lip hard to keep myself from bursting into giggles. "If you want to remain employed here then you have to follow my fucking rules. The most important is never think it's okay to walk into my office unannounced because it's rude and shows that you have little respect for me or my company. If you need a meeting, call my secretary and she'll set up an appointment. Now, go back to do whatever the fuck I pay you to do…whatever your na—" He looks up at the end of his rant and his face is like terrifying thunder and I just stand there with a shit eating grin on my face as I watch the tension leave his beautiful features.

"Roberts, think yourself damn fucking lucky that someone has just come into my office which has afforded you a second chance. Don't fuck it up!" He shouts into the phone, maintaining steady eye contact with me which makes my heart flutter. I love seeing him like this, he is a strong, virile, alpha male and I fucking love it… as long as it's not me that he's trying to control.

"Baby, why didn't you say it was you? I'm sorry for yelling, I thought you were one of the new interns who don't know shit coming up here to bug me or flirt with me which is even worse. I really am sorry." He says as he stands up, trailing his eyes from my head to my toes and back again, his gaze getting darker and more predatory by the second.

"Fuck baby, you look… delicious. To what do I owe this pleasure?" I sway my hips as I walk over to him, gripping his shoulders and push him back down on his seat. I take his face in my hands and kiss him, hard. Our mouths explore each other, our tongues tangled in a sexy dance for dominance until we break apart, gasping for breath. I lean my forehead and nose against his as I run my fingers through his hair.

"Mmm I just thought I'd suprize my husband and take him out for dinner." I say my voice husky and desperate as I catch my breath. He pulls me closer until I fall into his lap, his head tucked into my breasts as his hands run up and down my exposed part of my behind, hip and thigh. I tug on his hair until he looks up at me and I kiss him again, longer, stronger and deeper as my other hand caresses his cheek. I nibble his lips, my tongue tasting every inch of his delicious mouth, savouring the all-male flavour of him.

"Oh god Ana, you're fucking killing me. I'm aching for you." He groans, resting his forehead back between my breasts and nuzzles with a sigh.

"I'd say I'm sorry but I'd be lying." I answer with a giggle and his hand briefly leaves me before landing down hard and I suck a breath between my clenched teeth as my core pulses.

"Mmm..." I moan in appreciation and grind down on his erection which makes Christian's head fall back with his luscious lips part. His hand ghost under my dress, dancing along my inner thigh with smooth caress as he kisses and playfully nibbles at my neck.

"I bet you're dripping for me." He whispers, sucking my earlobe into his mouth as his fingers getting closer to my core and for the first time I don't want him to touch me because he'll know that I am bare and I don't want to reveal that just yet.

Just as I'm about to grab onto his hand to stop his advance I hear a cough and a throaty-I've-had-too-many-cigarettes laugh which makes me jump out of my skin like I've been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

"Grey you are one lucky son-of-a-bitch you know that!" Ros laughs as she gives me the once over and licks her lips she looks amazing in a tight pencil skirt, a white sleeveless blouse and killer heels.

"Ros, stop checking out my wife!" Christian says with a smirk as he nuzzles into my neck and I blush to my roots.

"I'm so sorry sir, please forgive me oh worshiped one." She drawls sarcastically, fluttering her lashes and flicking her shoulder length hair. "I'm trying to charm you like the legion of blonde minion's, is it working?" I can't help but giggle and extricate myself from the lap of my husband.

"Fuck you Ros. Ana, don't move for the love of god because I'll never hear the end of it." He groans, leaning his forehead against my shoulder.

"Christian, don't worry sweetie… if I had a dick and was around your scrumptious little honey all day, I'd be a walking hard-on too. Ana, baby… if you ever get sick and tired of old boss-man Grey, you give me and Gwen a call." She smirks I cover my mouth as I try to stifle my laughter. I've never had a woman hit on me before, even as a joke.

_Why are you picturing yourself with a woman right now?_

"Ros… I'm warning you, stop hitting on my wife or I swear your ass will be out in the unemployment line so fast your head will spin." He's trying to act pissed off but I can see the twinkle of amusement in his eyes, this is just the relationship they have. I know Ros teases him about me almost every day but this is the first time I've ever bared witness to the sparring between them. It's hilarious.

"Aww, don't pout boss-man Grey! I'm simply offering your wife a chance to walk on the wild side of the street, and I bet you'd love to watch." She winks at me with a smirk. "As for firing me, well we both know that I'm irreplaceable in your life. Who else would put up with your mood swings and bitch fits but I?" She laughs and Christian grins with a nod.

"I guess I'm lucky that you're still around then huh?" Christian laughs. "Was there a purpose for your visit to my office or did you just want to ogle what's mine?" He asks.

"I was just passing by when I saw Ana come out of the elevator in that sexy dress and I just had to get a closer look, visual material for later, you know." She winks at me and Christian tries to hide his smirk and control his desperate need to laugh. "Plus I needed to tell you that everything with the shit or bust company that sucked all of our time and attention that should have been spent on our wives last week is finally under control and resumed manufacturing."

"Well thank fuck for that then. Good job Ros… now if you don't mind, take your ass and move it through that door over there." He says, deadpan and Ros gives him the middle digit before sauntering towards the door. She opens it and looks back over her shoulder as she stands on the threshold.

"Remember honey-pie, I'm always around." She winks and bursts out laughing as she closes the door.

"Did I just get hit on by a woman?" I ask with a smile as I run my hands through his copper locks.

"Yes you did and trust me when I say, if it was anyone other than Ros, I'd have knocked them clean-the-fuck out!" He growls before possessing my mouth with abandon. When we eventually pull apart I kiss his lips chastely and stand up. I go over to the window and I can feel Christian's seductive gaze watching my every move.

"We're going out for dinner, I've made reservations." I bite my lip as Christian stalks towards me.

"Great idea baby, but where are the kids? Where's Matthew and how much time do we have before we need to get back to him?" He asks as his arms circle my waist from behind with his erection pressing against my backside.

"The kids are with your mother and they're spending the night. I just need a little one-on-one time with my husband, so don't worry about rushing."

"So are we just going to pick Matt up on the way home?" He smiles against my neck, with his warm breath tickling the sensitive spot below my ear.

"Christian, it's a surprize for you so I can't answer your questions right now. Can you please just relax and just trust me on this?" I plead with him, I don't want to ruin the amazing night I have planned for my husband and I.

"I trust you Ana, always. Let me get my jacket on and we'll leave for dinner. Where are we going anyway?" He asks, walking back over to his desk and slips into his charcoal grey suit jacket, and fastens the button, then puts some of the documents and files littering his desk into his briefcase before coming back over to me. I adjust his red silk tie and kiss him chastely on the corner of his mouth. I go to take his hand but he stops me and readjusts the half-mast erection that is trying to break out of the fabric prison it's currently trapped in.

"Where going to 'The Pink Door' it's right in the center of Pike Place Market. I'm sure the street is called Post Alley, which is in between Steward and Virginia Street. It's an Italian Restaurant and the food is supposed to be amazing… at least that's what the reviews said. I thought we could check it out together." I smile lovingly up at him, threating my fingers in-between his as we walk out of his office.

"I'll see you tomorrow Andrea, goodnight." Christian presses the call button for the lift, holding me in his strong arms, kissing my temple, then peppers my face with butterfly kisses until he reaches my lips and kisses me slowly and deeply, only parting when the 'ping' of the elevator announces its arrival.

He pulls out his blackberry and makes a call while we descend.

"Taylor, bring the car around front. Ana has decided to surprize me with dinner… yes. It's called 'The Pink Door.'… I don't know, yes… okay." He hangs up and lifts my hand to his softer than soft lips.

"I have my red R8 with me Christian. Reynolds shadowed me over here; he's outside in the SUV. I thought we could take my car and Taylor can follow us. Reynolds can go home and take care of the house. Just trust me Christian… please." The elevator opens and he leads me forward through the main lobby as a million and one people try to talk to him about various things and he stoically ignores them. Taylor is waiting right up front, standing outside and leaning against the front passenger door while continually scanning the area for any threats just as the sun begins to set.

"Taylor, change of plans. Ana will be driving us over to the restaurant in her Red R8 and I want you to shadow us." He says as he taps something out on his blackberry.

"No problem sir." Taylor nods Christian, then at me with an almost hidden but knowing smirk and I smirk right back at him and hold onto the bubbling giggles that are about to erupt from my chest.

"Are you ready baby?" Christian asks, tucking a stray curl behind my ear and rubs his thumb over the large diamond earring that I'm wearing.

"You should always be in diamonds, silk or satin baby." He whispers and takes my hand as we walk to my sexy beast of a car.

When we pull up to the restaurant, I hand my keys to the valet and together, we walk into the building and I give my name to the Maitre'd. We are lead to a secluded table, as per my request and I am warmed by the intimate atmosphere. The low and romantic lighting ignites passion within me and I want nothing more than to be just that much closer to my husband. Once we're seated the waiter asks if we would like anything to drink and Christian asks for the wine list.

"This is a nice place baby, it's very romantic." He smirks as he peruses the menu.

"Decided what you'd like to drink yet love?" I ask him, twirling a lock of my hair around my pointer finger.

"Yes, I have… what about you?" He looks over at me, lust dancing in his shining, dark slate eyes.

"Hmm, yep. I definitely know what I want." I whisper with a husky voice, allowing the double entendre hang thick and heavy in the air between us as my heeled foot slides up his leg. He smirks as he clears his throat, then makes eye contact with the waiter, who dutifully comes straight over.

"Ready for your drinks order sir, ma'am?" He asks, his gaze lingering on me a little too long for my husband's liking. Christian clears his throat as he glares at the young waiter.

"I think we'll have a bottle of Taittinger 2000 Brut, Comtes de Champagne." In his seductive French accent which soaks my panties and makes me squirm in my seat. "What about you baby, what would you like to drink?" He asks me, making it plain and clear to the waiter that I am very much taken. Just to bring the message home loud and clear I lean my chin on left hand, flashing my engagement and wedding rings.

"I think I'll have soda water and lime please, with crushed ice." I say, not looking at the young man or reacting to the seductive gaze that he is so rudely bestowing upon me... I keep my gaze trained on Christian and I see him getting angrier by the second.

_Arrogant son-of-a-bitch I am not interested so buzz off!_

"I'll get that for you right away… ma'am." He murmurs in his thick Italian accent which does nothing for me, French however… makes me quiver. He pauses for a moment, obviously waiting for a 'thank-you' which he isn't going to get. Eventually he backs away from the table to fetch our drinks.

"I swear to all that's holy if he eye-fucks you one more time I will not be held accountable for my actions." Christian growls and I smile; I love when he gets possessive because of stupid waiters.

"Baby, you know that the only person I have any interest in is you. I want to have fun tonight, it's the first time we've really been out since Matthew was born so please, don't get angry at the waiter, he's an idiot and we both know that I am not interested." He sighs heavily and reaches over the table for my hand, rubbing his thumb over the rings that scream 'She's mine' to the world.

"I love you Mrs. Grey and I will try to keep a hold of my fraying temper. I am glad to have you to myself for a few hours."

_Oh you'll have me for a lot longer than a few hours my love._

A few moments later the waiter arrives at our table and opens the champagne with a dramatic flourish which makes me roll my eyes.

_Who are you trying to impress Giuseppe?_

"The Soda and Lime is for _MY wife._" Christian almost growls, not-so-subtly stressing the words 'my wife' and thankfully the idiotic waiter finally receives the message loud and clear as he closes his eyes and nods his assent. He pours a little of the champagne into Christian's glass and he brings it up to his nose, swirling his glass and inhaling the bouquet and takes a sip, swirling it in his mouth.

"That's fine." He puts the glass back down and the waiter fills his glass and makes a hasty retreat.

"What a fucking asshole." Christian says shaking his head which makes me giggle.

"I agree Mr. Grey. So, what do you fancy…?" I ask him as I read through the menu.

"Oh baby, what I want isn't on the menu just yet." He says in a low voice… making my insides quiver and clench deliciously.

"Are we having appetizers?" He asks and I shake my head, biting on my lower lip.

"What about dessert?" His voice lowers to a husky whisper as he smirks, staring into my eyes waits patiently for my answer.

"Oh most definitely… but not here because we'd get arrested." I tell him as my tongue swoops along my lower lip, making Christian close his eyes and groan loudly.

We eventually get to reading the menu and deciding on what we want to eat. After a few moments Christian puts his down and waits for me to do the same but I don't know what I want. This was a bad idea… I should have just picked him up and took him straight to Escala because right now, the only thing I want to eat is between his legs.

"What are you thinking about to make you blush so deliciously." He asks, a childish gleam in his eyes as if he's been caught doing something naughty, just like me.

"I'm thinking that the only thing I want to eat—" I annunciate slowly, drawing out the word and play with it with my tongue. "—isn't on the menu Mr. Grey, so what will we do about that?" I ask, emboldened.

"Hmm, I think we should hurry up and order so we can eat and get you home and into our bed so that I can get very, very creative." He lifts the hand he is holding to his lips, giving me an opened mouthed kiss on the back, his tongue barely brushing the skin and I shiver as goose flesh bubbles on my skin. Since both our menus are on the table the waiter comes over assuming we're ready to order.

"What are you having sweetheart, or do you need more time?" Christian asks me as the waiter shifts from foot to foot, obviously uncomfortable with the show in front of him.

_It's his own fault, he had to try and flirt and eye-fuck you in front of fifty_

"I think I'll just have whatever my dear husband is having." I say, staring into my loves eyes and I see a smirk hanging on the corner of his mouth.

"We'll have two linguine alle vongole and a side of the smashed fingerling potatoes & savoury herbs. Thank you." The waiter writes down the order and takes away our menus, avoiding eye contact.

"Not so smarmy now is he? Fucker." I roll my eyes and squeeze Christian's hand which makes him smile indulgently.

"Roll those pretty baby blues again baby, you'll make my night." He teases, showing me his twitchy palm and I get so much wetter. We converse while we wait on our food talking about everything and nothing.

Eventually our food arrives and Giuseppe or whatever his name is bids a hasty retreat after offering us pepper and parmesan cheese. Christian takes some pepper but refuses the cheese and I refuse both.

We tuck in, and I spoon some of the delightfully tasty crushed potatoes onto my plate. I decide to tell Christian about Matty being able to take bottles now and I hope, fingers crossed that he isn't going to get angry and freak out which is why I'm announcing this in a very public space so he can't yell.

_Coward._

"Hmm, this is delicious, are the potatoes good?" Christian asks as he twirls more linguine around his fork and lifts it to his sexy mouth.

"Yeah, they're delicious… here try some." I spear some with my fork and lift it to him. Watching his beautiful made-for-kissing lips open up and take my offering.

"Mmm, they are good." He agrees with me as he chews.

"Listen, I have a little confession to make. It's nothing bad, well… at least I don't think so anyway." I ramble, butterflies fluttering around my belly.

"Ana… what is it?" He asks, his features cloud over with his CEO mask of indifference.

_Fuck!_

"Well, remember last week I told you I was going shopping?" He nods, urging me to continue with his hands.

"I went into a few baby stores and ended up coming across these new bottle teats that are perfectly shaped and textured to be as close to a mother's nipple as possible to avoid nipple confusion in younger babies. So I bought them and figured I'd try them out…" I take a deep breath, sipping my drink as Christian's eyes watch me closely.

_Holy shit… we're fucked, or rather don't hold your breath for the fucking tonight Anastasia, just get on with the story for fuck sake._

"Anyway… as you know I've been pumping for the last few weeks since I'm making too much milk so I tried the bottle out and he took to it like a duck to water. I've fed him a few times with the bottle and he's doing great. Your mom offered to take the kids tonight, and Matthew. She said that she, Carrick and Mia are more than happy for all four of them to spend the night at their grandparents since Matthew can be bottle fed, which will give us a night to ourselves without the kids. I told Grace that I didn't know how you'd feel about Matthew spending the night so I'd have to talk to you about it. If you want, as soon as we're finished we can go collect him if you aren't comfortable having him away from us. I just wanted some time with you so please don't be mad at me." I finish and he hasn't moved and I can't tell what he's thinking or feeling beneath the harsh exterior of 'Christian Grey, CEO.' I wait, and wait for him to give me something, anything but he remains impassive and I feel my heart sink and tears spring to my eyes.

"Christian… look, I'm sorry I kept this from you… I just wanted to surprize you but I can see that you aren't happy about it. Let's just get the check and go pick him up, okay?" I look down, wringing my hands together to dissipate some of the tension that's circling around our table.

_You fucked up, big time._

I can't even bring myself to look up or tell him the whole reason why I done all of this. I try to wipe my tears away unnoticed but unfortunately you can't slip anything past eagle-eyed-Grey.

"Ana… why are you crying?" He asks, frowning as he looks at me with concern evident in his features.

"Because you're mad at me for… trying… I don't know but I know that you're mad at me. You haven't said a word and I can feel tension radiating off of you in waves." I whisper, slowly returning my eyes to his and I'm shocked at what I find.

_Warmth, love, awe, understanding and passion… such sweet fiery passion._

"No baby, no. I'm not mad, I'm a little upset that you didn't tell me or discuss it with me but I know you were just trying to surprize me. I promise I'm not mad baby. I love you, and I love that you've gone to all this trouble to spend time with me, just the two of us." He gives me his shy smile as he rises to his feet and comes over to me, taking my face in his hands as he seals his mouth over mine. Kissing me slowly, and deeply which turns my insides to complete mush. We pull apart breathless, Christian's forehead and nose resting against mine as we catch our breath.

"Now let's finish our meal and get the fuck out of here. Would like a glass of champagne?" He asks, moving back around the table and sits down in his seat.

"I thought you'd never ask." I grin as he pours me a generous glass and hands it to me. I take a long sip and moan loudly as it bubbles in my mouth and slowly swallow.

"Fuck, who knew you'd be able to turn me on by merely swallowing a sip of champagne Mrs. Grey?" I giggle as I take another sip.

_Holy shit that tastes amazing._

"So, what are the plans after we finish here?" He asks me, pinning me with his penetrating gaze.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you and I love you far too much to do that." I answer with a smile and bite my lower lip to stop myself from screaming 'Check please… now fuck me!'

"Ana, baby… you're killing me, stop biting that lip." He reaches over and tugs my lip from the confines of my teeth with his thumb. I spear the remaining few herby potatoes on my fork, using them to mop up the delicious sauce and lift it to my mouth.

"That was absolutely delicious." I say as I lay my utensils down and drink the last of my champagne, feeling a hazy buzz rush to my head.

_One glass and I'm tipsy._

"Would you like another glass?" Christian asks and I shake my head.

"No, I'd like to breast feed my son tomorrow so I better not." I may be excited to finally have my husband alone but I can't stop thinking about my baby boy.

"Call her, it's okay baby, call her and check to see if he's alright." He squeezes my hand, how does he always know what I need before I do?

I take my blackberry out of my clutch and call Grace.

"Hello, Grey Residence." Gretchen answers the phone and I still don't like her, she swoons at my husband at every given opportunity but I have yet to say a word about it because then I would seem like the jealous insecure wife! Christian takes my hand and rubs his thumb over my knuckles while I wait on someone answering.

"Hi, it's Ana… could you please get Grace for me?" I ask as sweetly as possible which makes her humph and I smile.

"Sure, I'll get her for you." She lays the phone down and I hear her call on Grace. A few moments later I hear someone pick up and Grace's comforting voice floats through the telephone.

"Hello darling, is everything alright?" She asks.

"Hi Grace, yeah… everything is great. I just wanted to check in with you. How are the kids? How's Matty?" I ask, anxiety swirling around me, the only thing keeping me from freaking out is Christian's steady hand wrapped lovingly around my own.

"He is just fine sweetheart, he was fussy when he woke up but settled back down once he came to himself. He's with Carrick and Ted watching the Mariners highlights; apparently they need some man to man time." I giggle the thought of my six week old son in the arms of his grandfather and his big brother watching sports.

"Well I'm sure they are enjoying themselves. Thanks for taking them tonight Grace; it means a lot to us."

"They're my grandchildren Ana; I will gladly take them at any given opportunity because I have the best of both worlds. I can love and dote on them for a night and then hand them back to you two." She laughs heartily and I join in. "Honestly, don't fret. Ted, Grace and Liv are having a great time and Matthew is safe, fed and very much loved which is all he needs right now." Grace reassures me and I release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Well we just wanted to check in and make sure everything is alright so I'll let you go. Call me if you need to, it doesn't matter what time it is okay?"

"I promise, I'll call you if we need anything. Give Christian my love, I'll see you tomorrow Ana. We love you both darling."

"We love you too, bye Grace."

"Goodbye Ana."

I toss my phone into my bag and stare across at my husband who has his elbow on the table, balancing his chin on his palm with his fingers curled around his cheek while his other hand holds mine.

"Feel better baby?" He asks, smiling over at me.

"Yeah, it's just hard letting the anxiety go the first time you leave them with someone, but he's fine. They're all fine and having fun. I've really enjoyed myself tonight. Thank you for accompanying me to dinner sweetheart." I say to him, squeezing his hand.

"Thank you for surprizing me by inviting me to join you for dinner in that deliciously sinful dress. I wish I could show you my appreciation, but we can't for another two days. Just two days and I'll be inside you so deep that you won't be able to walk the next day." My insides clench, a shuddering hiss escapes my teeth and I squeeze my eyes, as well as my thighs.

"Call for the check Christian. It's time for our dessert."

"I thought you'd never ask." He catches the attention of the irritating waiter and he quickly comes over to our table.

"Check please." Christian murmurs, lifting my left hand to his lips, kissing my rings as he makes a delicious show of showing the waiter just who I belong to.

I grab my blackberry and dial the number for my contact at the Fairmont that Gail gave me this morning

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

We get into the car, and because I have only had one glass of Champagne. I start the engine and turn right onto Union Street, then left onto Western Avenue. We continue on our course and it isn't until I turn left onto Spring Street that Christian figure's out exactly where we're going

"Hmm, I think I like where this is going baby." He chuckles, his hand reaches over and squeezes my knee lovingly and I can't help but smile big. "Are we going to the Fairmont for a night of creative fun?" He asks, leaning over and kisses my cheek.

"Something like that, yeah!"

We're silent for the remainder of the drive and my stomach is home to a million butterflies right now. I am absolutely aching for him; my body is calling out and demanding attention from the man who owns my heart, body and soul… forever.

Christian gets out of the car and comes around to my side, opening my door and offering me his hand which I gladly accept. I give the valet the keys as my husband leads me into the magnificent splendour that is The Fairmont.

I give my name to the receptionist and she hands me our key card. Giving me a knowing wink as soon as Christian's back is turned which makes me giggle.

"Let's go up to our suite baby." I say to him as I take his hand and call for the elevator. I know that he knows exactly which suite I am referring too. We're heading to the place where he first admitted to loving me, which makes my stomach flutter and anticipation is thrumming as sure as blood through my heated veins. I know as soon as we step over the threshold to the suite I'll deviate from my carefully constructed plan and jump his bones.

When the elevator arrives with a ping, Christian leads me in and presses the button for our floor with a wink. When Reynolds was instructed to 'Go Home' he was actually going to the Fairmont with our bags so that we can leave straight from here to go for Lunch with the family. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone, since the last time we were all together was when we brought Matty home. I feel a pang in my heart when I think of my baby boy… I hope he's alright.

_Stop, you're allowed a night off from 'mommy' duty and are about to get fucked raw by your sexier than sex husband so be happy about it!_

I shake all thoughts of our children and concentrate on the delicious man beside me and I notice the atmosphere charge and crackle between us, my heart speeds up and so does my breathing. Christian pulls me closer, tilts my chin and just as he's about to kiss me the door opens and we're caught by a cute old couple who are chuckling at us. I can't help the blush that creeps across my face. Christian smirks at me and we exit just as the other couple enter and I hear gentleman say,

'Ahh, do you remember what it's like to be young and in love?' Then the doors close. Christian holds my hand as he leads us to our suite and holds out his other hand for the key, which I hand to him. He slides it through the lock and turns the handle and my breath hitches in my throat.

_Finally!_

We step through the door and everything is just as I requested. The lights are turned down low, music softly playing from the docking station where my iPod is currently housed, the delivering the playlist I created just for this moment.

The atmosphere that echo's around the suite is everything I wanted. It's romantic, seductive and enchanting. Rose petals adorn a path through the main living space, all the way to the oh-so-soft faux fur blankets and pillows artfully arranged on the floor in front of the lit and crackling fire that's burning low. There is a silver bucket of ice on the table with a bottle of Bollinger Ana Grande 2001 champagne nestled in the bed of ice. There is condensation dripping off the bucket in rivets and gathering in a puddle on the presumably very expensive table.

There are two crystal champagne flutes on the table, with a bowl of sliced Strawberries on the side. I look up at my husband who is looking around the extremely romantic room with his mouth forming a perfect 'o'. I wrap my arm around his waist and stare up at him until he meets my gaze.

"Oh, fuck Ana… I want you baby. I want you so fucking bad and it's killing me." He groans, licking his tongue along my bottom lip and tugging it between his teeth. His hands run down the side of my breasts, groaning loudly before moving onto my hips.

"You are so beautiful baby, you have no idea just how amazingly gorgeous and stunning you are, both inside and out. You are my light in the darkness, you are my home Ana." He murmurs, trying desperately to hold onto his emotions, whereas mine are shot to shit and I burst into tears.

"I love you Christian… I love you so fucking much it hurts." I wrap both arms around his neck as I pull his body to mine until I am impossibly close. His hands move from my hips and ghost around to my behind. With a cheek in both hands, he squeezes my behind, pulling me closer until I feel his hardened length rubbing against me where I am aching for his touch.

"Mmm, Christian you feel amazing. I have a little something for you. I have to finish preparing it though so, make yourself comfortable and pour us both a glass of champagne please." I say as he kisses and nibbles at my neck and the bared wing of my shoulder.

"I can't wait to peel you out of this pretty dress, you look absolutely delectable." He murmurs, resting his forehead and nose against mine.

I pull back from him and smile as I leave the room and go into the bathroom where our bags are waiting. I grab Christian's pyjama pants and take them out to him.

"Here put these on so you're more comfortable." I say to him as he pours out our champagne. I lean over and give him a chaste kiss then go back into the bathroom.

I pull out my make-up bag and give myself a few touch-ups. Once I am satisfied with my appearance I strip out of my dress and bra, and into the black silk and lace night gown and robe that hits mid-thigh. I leave on the stockings, garters and panties, and then slip back into my heels.

I spray a minimal amount of Coco Mademoiselle perfume by Chanel to my pulse points and run my fingers through my hair, until it's full, wavy and sexy. I grab the envelope that contains the conformation from Dr. Green… and take a deep breath.

_You can do this Ana. It's Showtime baby… let's give it to him good. _My inner goddess encourages while my subconscious tuts and shakes her head with disgust.

I take a deep breath and go back out into the main living room. Christian is lying with his back facing me in front of the fire sipping his drink. I feel pure and potent desire rush through me and I honestly can't wait to feel _our _physical connection to each other once again. I lift the remote from its place beside the docking station and change the song to Underneath by Adam Lambert and put it on repeat. The song speaks to me, of us… the haunting lyrical, slow melody was written for making love but I'm not so sure that's what I want right now. I want him to completely take my body unto his strict control. I need it.

I take a deep breath as Christian notices the unexpected change in music. He slowly turns his head to look at me over his shoulder and I see the pure, raw lust emanating from his expression and I hear his sudden intake of breath.

"Hi." I murmur as I play with the envelope I hold in my hands. I walk over to him, unsure of how he's going to react. What if he's pissed off that I lied to him about my appointment? He licks his lips as he looks me over, from head to toe and I feel that all-too-familiar feeling stab of white-hot need low and deep in my gut. Desire unfurling like a blossoming rose in the height of the summer sun.

"Hi." He croaks, unable to tear his gaze from my body.

"I have something for you, before I give it to you… I just want you to know that I planned this with the best intentions and I need it so very badly…" He frowns, his expression going from lustful to worried in a nanosecond.

_Way to kill the mood Ana. Now he's anxious for all the wrong reasons. You're such a dumbass sometimes!_ My inner goddess stomps her foot thinking that she isn't going to get any and if I'm being honest, I think I'll stomp my foot if that ends up happening too.

I hand over the envelope as I sit down beside him. He cups my cheek in his hand and kisses my lips.

"I just want to say that you… are just… perfection Mrs. Grey, pure perfection." I cup his face as he nuzzles against my hand, then turns to place a long kiss against my palm.

I pull back when he hands me my glass of champagne and I take a long, calming sip as he rips open the envelope. His eyes dart up to mine and back to Dr. Greene's report which he hasn't pulled out yet and I know he's noticed the header from her office and is wondering what I've been up to. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat as he unfolds the paper and my heart gallops as I watch realization dawn on his face as his mouth pops open, in that familiar 'o' shape.

His eyes dart up to mine and he pins me with his piercing gaze. I feel that mystical magnetic pull that has compelled and controlled me from the moment I laid my eyes on him and still does over eleven years later.

"Does this mean what I think it means baby?" His brow is furrowed and I know it's because he is worried that he's misunderstood and can't, or won't believe what he's reading until I give him conformation.

"Yeah, I arranged my appointment for today instead of Wednesday so that I could surprize you. We're good to go. I got a clean bill of health as you can see from Dr. Greene's report." His eyes darken with each passing second and I feel moisture seep from deep within the depths of my soul, preparing me for him, for what he can, and will do to my body.

He sits on his knees, and I move onto mine, he pulls me closer to him. He leans into me; his nose skims my jawline, inhaling my scent the entire time.

"You smell amazing Ana… fuck, -kiss- I need you, -kiss- I need you so badly, -kiss-" He murmurs in a whisper soft voice as he peppers my neck with open mouthed kisses. My lips part, my breathing deepens as I subtly writhe, my hips start a slow, erotic dance, moving in tight circles, trying to alleviate the horrific ache I am forced to bear and I feel him and his presence all the way deep into my bones.

"How do you want me baby, do you want me to make slow love to you or do you want me to give it to you hard, and deep?" He asks, running the backs of his knuckles along my flushed cheek."

"Hard and deep, possess me, take me Christian… I'm yours, I always have been, and I always will be." I whisper as I take a shuddering breath and give into the sweet anticipation that is running thick and fast though my body. He closes his eyes and exhales, pleased at my words, I think.

He pulls away, leaving me feeling bereft of his enticing contact, he moves and positions himself behind me, he tugs at my robe so that it falls off my shoulders but my arms remain inside its silk prison. His left hand holds my hair in his closed fist as he pulls my hair; my head tilts back and his right hand slides around and cups my exposed neck. Even kneeling he still towers over me. He pulls me closer, and leans forward as his hand moves from my neck upwards so that his thumb and forefinger are holding my jaw. I part my lips as his head leans over mine and seals his top lip over my lower lip and chin in an upside down kiss. His tongue searches and explores every inch of my mouth and I revel in his taste, his presence, his absolute and unconditional love.

I feel his, owned by him as he possesses me so completely and passionately, and I revel in it. His top teeth bite into the skin below my lip as his bottom teeth clamp around the soft, fleshy inside suckling before he tugs playfully. His lips move down over my chin and ghost along my jawline, down onto my neck, his hand still maintaining its tight hold. I feel him, hard behind me as the atmosphere crackles and charges around and between us.

"Do you feel it? Do you feel what we have together, how insane and special it is, how intense it is?" He asks, then his lips, teeth and tongue trace along the length of my jugular vein.

"Yes, god yes Christian. I feel it, I need you." I pant, desperate. I need him; I need to feel him slide inside me and I am starting to get antsy and frustrated.

I suck a sharp breath in through my clenched teeth as he bites down hard on the wing of my shoulder. I feel my skin give purchase before his tongue laves across the mark he's just left and I whimper, realizing he is marking me as his and I find that I love it and It excites me more than I ever thought possible.

"There, there." He soothes. "Patience is a virtue Mrs. Grey." I try to breathe deeply to calm my racing heart and the ache in between my thighs is pulsing with desire, but it's no use, I am panting even harder than I was before.

"Shh, relax... I'm here." He lets my hair go, and slides his now free hand underneath my arm to meet the other on my neck, they move down towards my breasts, his hard muscular chest is flush against my back and I gasp as he cups them, kneading the twin mounds and rubbing his thumbs over my stiff, needy nipples in tight circles. The soft, cool fabric of the silk nightgown I am wearing feels amazing against my overheated, sensitized skin. I can't help but squirm, I love when he is soft and sweet as we make love… but it's so damn hot when he's dark, lustful and possesses me with raw passion.

"You are mine, so fucking mine." He growls against the dampened skin of my neck, purely from the heat emanating between our close bodies.

"Christian please…" I moan, arching my back, which thrusts breasts further into his palms, begging him to hold me tighter and touch me harder. I need, I need, I just need him or I'm going to go insane.

His hands and lips leave me but quickly return as he roughly pulls the robe that is hanging limply at the insides of my elbows from my body then drops it to the floor. He grasps the hem of my nightgown, I lift my arms and he quickly and efficiently removes it from my body so that I am bared to him, in nothing but a pair of lacy panties.

_Oh my…_

His resumes his previous position, quickly skimming over my breasts and move lower over my ribs and over the planes of my stomach. His fingertips thrum the line above my panties, from hip to hip. His fingers dip inside, rimming the flimsy lace purely to tease and send me crazy with want.

_Oh please. _

"You're mine baby, all mine." His teeth grip my earlobe as he suckles it into his mouth. I toss my head back lolling it against his shoulder, surrendering to the feelings he is drawing from my mind, body and soul. His fingers slide deeper into my panties, they ghost over my now hairless mound, and my breath catches in my throat.

_Yes. Yes. Yes. Please!_

He stiffens behind me as he realises I have been waxed and I'm completely bare just for him.

"Oh fuck, you have been a naughty girl Mrs. Grey, you feel so smooth and soft." He hisses a breath through his clenched teeth as he runs his middle finger along my dripping folds. I am completely saturated and dripping with want. "Mmm, I like it baby and you'll feel so much more, I will too." He says as he slips his finger inside my core, circling and stretching me, preparing me for his length. I whimper when he removes his hand from my panties.

"Shh, I'm just going to takes these off you sweet girl." His fingers slide into the sides of the flimsy lace and he guides them down my legs. He slips my pumps then supports my weight as I lift each knee and slips them further down until he removes them from my ankles, leaving me completely naked.

He gets up, and comes around in front of me, then starts unbuttoning his shirt.

_Oh I don't think so Grey!_

"I think that's my job Mr. Grey…" He smirks at me and gives me a nod. I shuffle forward, still on my knees and take out the first button, laying a kiss on the small area of skin I've just bared. I continue, peppering his chest with kisses as I unbutton his crisp white shirt until its hanging open. He proffers me his right wrist and I remove the platinum cufflinks, and then repeat the process on the left. I push my hands inside the opened shirt and slide the linen material from his shoulders, my hands maintaining contact down his arms until the shirt hits the floor.

My heartbeat races as I reach for his belt. I quickly undo it with shaking hands and unfasten the button and zip. He stands up and I slide my hands into his pants and boxer-briefs, removing them in one quick motion. He quickly steps out of them and kicks them to the side. My hand reaches up of its own volition and grasps him, moving up and down, he groans as he tips his head back and I can't resist having a quick taste. I shuffle myself closer to him. My tongue tentatively extending and licking the small bead of moisture on the tip of his length before I open up and take him inside.

"Fuuuuck Ana!" I smirk as I watch him revel in my touch. His reaction makes me feel powerful. His hands slide into my hair, holding me softly he begins to thrust in and out of my mouth, hitting the back of my throat as he pushes forward.

"Mmmmm" He groans at the vibration of my moan.

"Oh fuck, Ana… baby… your mouth feels amazing! Ana, oh shit, baby please stop. I don't want to c-come in your mouth." He groans, fuck I love it when he begs. I reach up and grasp the root, hollowing my cheeks I give him one last, long suck as I pull him from the depths of my mouth, removing him with a loud pop. I reach forward and kiss his tip before letting him go completely.

Before I know it, he's down in front of me, cupping my face in his hands as his tongue is thrust deep into my mouth.

"I love you Ana, I love you always." He lowers me onto my back and grasps the underside of my thighs, pulling them apart quickly and positions himself between them as he rests on his knees. He reaches forward so that his hands are at either side of my head, baring his weight as he looms over me and right at this moment all I can see, feel or think about, is him, our love, our passion and our trust which fills me completely with so much emotion.

"Baby, baby, baby." He lowers his forehead to mine, our noses nuzzling in an Eskimo kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck and wrap my legs around his waist, trying to get closer and wanting to meld myself unto him before I go crazy with desire.

"Christian… please, I can't. I need you, I need you right now… Please?" I beg, I whimper, needing, feeling the insane, addictive magnetism that is ever present between us.

"I need to get you close baby, I won't last." He lifts one of his hands, baring all his weight on the other and cups my face, running his thumb along my bottom lip then lowers his mouth to mine.

Our lips brush and caress. Our tongues lap and explore. Our teeth nibble and tug. His hand moves from its position on my face, it strokes down my jaw and neck. It brushes against my collar bone and along the side curve of my breast. It glides over my ribs; barely ghosting as it sensually entices and ignites passion in my blood. It reaches my hip and it squeezes. It runs along the side swell of my ass and onto my thigh, around to the inside and finally it glides north, reaching the apex.

_Oh…_

"Ughhhhhhh please, please, Christian please." Tears spring forth to my eyes but don't fall. He is driving me crazy. I feel like I am wound so tightly that I'll either explode or expire from the pressure and haze of lust.

"Shh, I'm here. I'll take care of you baby." He reassures, his piercing grey eyes penetrating mine.

_Please, fuck I need some penetration!_

"Are you ready for me baby?" He asks, his nose nuzzling into the curve of my neck as his fingers glide over the lips of my sex, so close yet so far from where I want them.

_Oh PLEASE! _

I feel like I'm going to have a major tantrum if he doesn't give me something soon. I want him so badly right now. I mewl as a single finger strokes from my belly button, to bare mound, then along my slit meeting the depth of my arousal which makes him hiss a sharp breath.

"So fucking ready Mrs. Grey, you are positively dripping. See…" He lifts the finger that is soaked in my moisture and swipes it across my lower lip. I can't help but dip my tongue out, tasting myself and his intense gaze tells me that's just what he wanted me to do.

His tongue licks and nips at my jawline as his middle two fingers slide inside my core, stretching me as the heel of his hand presses against my swollen aroused tissues and my nub of pleasure. His fingers slide in and out as his palm rubs against me, and I can't help but moan, low and throaty as he gives me what I need, what I've needed all night.

_Oh god, finally._

"That's it baby, feel it, feel me." He whispers against my mouth.

My neck arches as I feel that all-familiar tugging deep within my core, low in my belly. I pant as I enjoy the delicious friction after what feels like hours of maddening teasing. His free hand glides up my bare mound, continuing north over my belly, my sternum, he continues the journey until his fingertips barely caress the soft underside of my breast as his thumb circles my nipple. His mouth continues to work mine.

"Your lips were made for kissing baby." He murmurs against the swollen flesh. His teeth nip, tugging as he pulls away, his tongue gliding across the teeth marks he just made before thrusting back inside my mouth; tracing and exploring every inch.

My back arches as his thumb and forefinger start rolling and tugging my nipple. I feel the wave beginning to rise, lifting me higher and higher in the sky of pleasure as the sensations start to build, and finally it crests, throwing me into an intense climax that rolls on and on and on.

_Oh,_

_Oh,_

_Fuck_!

"Christiaaaaan, fuck, fuck, fuck!" I can't stop the tears that are falling from my eyes and running down my temples into my hair. I am now lax, floating in a state of liquid limbs and butterfly kisses. Yet the intense craving I have for him has not waned, regardless of the pleasure he's just provided. I need, I need and I want him inside me.

"Baby, please… I can't stand it anymore I-I need you, p-please." I whisper through my tears that have fell from sheer frustration even though he's just made me come like a train, it's not the orgasm I'm chasing, it's the intimacy born out of our bodies joining and the peace and tranquillity that union brings me, us.

"Don't cry baby, it's been six weeks, you'll be tight… I need you relaxed and supple. I don't want to bruise or hurt you; I couldn't bear that sweetheart." I can't stop my blush as it creeps across my face, all the way down my neck. I've done all manner of kinky fuckery with this man, I've bared his children and been married to him for eleven plus years. I should be able to talk about sex with my husband without getting embarrassed. I guess it's his unabashed openness to all things sexual that always seems to surprize me.

"I love your blush baby." He is hard and ridged against my thigh as leans down, capturing my lips with a sensual, deeply erotic kiss that blows my mind.

The song is still playing in the background on a repetitive cycle that is setting an emotional ambience to our sexual union and as we kiss, I can't stop myself from listening to the hauntingly poignant lyrics…

_Strip away the flesh and bone,  
look beyond the lies you've known.  
Everybody wants to talk about a freak,  
no-one wants to dig that deep,  
let me take you underneath._

_Baby better watch your step,  
never mind what's on the left.  
You're gonna see some things you might not wanna see.  
It's still not that easy for me,  
underneath._

He slides his hand over the swell of my left breast, kneading it roughly with a strangled moan. His hand skims along the side of my body, finally resting under my knee, hooking it around his hip before sliding his rock hard erection through my folds, coating himself in my arousal. One hand remains situated at the side of my head, bearing his weight while the other positions his solid length at my entrance.

"I love you baby, I love you so much!" He murmurs in a hoarse whisper.

"I love you too, Christian. I need to feel you, please?" I beg, I need him inside me, I need to feel him pulse and twitch as he rocks his hips against mine. He lowers his forehead to mine, rubbing his nose along the length of my own as he pushes fractionally inside me and finally I feel the delicious stretch as my body adjusts to his wide girth that I've longed for since we entered this room. Slowly he pulls back and pushes in again, a little further this time and my jaw falls slack as I look up into the eyes of the man I love.

"Fuck, baby… you're…s-so… tigh-t, Ughh." His face is fraught with tension as he tries to slowly stretch me and pulls back. I'm slightly uncomfortable as he pushes forth once more, until he's fully inside me and I feel the skin of his pelvis flush against mine as his weight presses me into the make-shift mattress and I welcome it as he exhales heavily.

"Baby, baby, baby." He groans, thrusting into me slowly and my mouth falls open in a silent_ ahh _He kisses my neck, moving down my sternum to take one puckered nipple into his mouth and nibbles, twisting and pulling at the other as the chorus of the song floats through my ears and pierces my heart, Christian's thrusts timed with the rhythm of the music.

_A red river of screams,  
underneath.  
Tears in my eyes,  
underneath.  
Stars in my black and blue sky.  
And underneath,  
Under my skin.  
Underneath.  
The depths of my sin,  
Look at me,  
now do you see?_

His eyes bore into mine as his hips rock and pull, his strong hand holding my thigh over his waist to allow for deeper penetration and my heart feels like it's going to explode with the love I feel for this beautiful man. He is my everything, he always will be. No one will ever hold me as expertly as he does, no one will ever want me as completely as he does. He is my match in every sense of the word, he is my world, he is mine and I am his… forever.

"Fuck baby." He groans and I answer with a strangled moan as I feel him pulse inside me. He can play my body like an instrument. Each thrust is laid perfectly so that I am constantly hovering on the edge of oblivion. It's as delicious as it is maddening and I can't help but sing along with the song into his ear.

"Welcome to my world of truth. I don't wanna hide any part of me, from you. I'm standing here with no apologies. Such a beautiful release, you inside of me." A strangled groan rips up from his chest and he gasps as his thrusts speed up.

"Oh Ana, fuck you feel amazing. I love you, I love you so much baby." He doesn't give me a chance to return the sentiment because his mouth possessively mashes against mine. We're all clashing teeth and tongues. His bottom lip wiping across my chin as he kisses me. My heart is racing with a combination of lust, love and the physical joining of our bodies.

He is so deep within me that I can almost taste his possession on my tongue. I am so close to reaching that joint ecstasy with him, his thrusts are becoming less restrained, bucking into me with wild abandon as a bead of sweat drips from his nose onto my chest and runs between my breasts. He buries his face into my neck, licking and nipping at my saturated skin. His hips undulate, his pelvis rocking against my erect nub of pleasure and I know by the set of his twitching jaw that he is just as close to exploding as I am.

_A red river of screams,  
underneath.  
Tears in my eyes,  
underneath.  
Stars in my black and blue sky.  
And underneath,  
Under my skin,  
Underneath.  
The depths of my sin,  
Look at me,  
now do you see?_

"Christian… you feel so good, Ughhh." I mewl, my back arching, pressing my breasts flush against his rock hard chest. He lets go of my thigh but I hold it in place while his now free hand makes its way under the small of my back, holding me to him so tightly that air can't pass between us. His forehead rests against mine with his eyes closed serenely, his jaw is set tightly as he pounds into my flesh and I can't help the sounds that are erupting from my chest.

Oh,

Oh,

Oh.

He holds onto me tightly and rolls us over so that I am now sitting atop him.

"Move baby, move. I can't hold on much longer, fuck Ana you are so ti-tight Ughhh." He manages to speak in between hoarse groans of unadulterated pleasure. I lower my hands to his chest to support my weight as I lift, fall and rock against him. His hands make their way to my hips, aiding me in moving. He slides his hands down my thighs and I gasp as his thumbs make their way to the apex of my thighs and apply pressure against my throbbing clitoris and he thrusts up as I lower myself back down onto his length, settling us into a perfect counter rhythm.

"Baby…please, I-I'm gonna… fuck Ana. Come for me baby, please?" He growls out as he rolls us over once more and starts to piston his hips quicker and quicker, giving me the delicious friction of his perfect thrusts with the added pleasure of his thumb rubbing tight circles onto my clitoris. I'm just about there when he explodes inside me, thick streams of his scorching seamen burning me from within that simple sensation tips me over the edge and I fall gloriously.

_Underneath,  
underneath,  
underneath._

"Fuuuuuuck Christian, fuck, fuck, I love you!" I start to come down but he pinches my clitoris between his fingers, causing an unexpected wave to surge through me once more as he continues thrusting to rub out his release until he collapses on top of me with his face buried into my neck, kissing my flushed skin softly while running his hands over my tired but lax muscles.

_Look at me,  
do you see?  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
Look at me,  
do you see me?_

_Welcome to my world of truth,  
I don't wanna hide any part of me, from you._

We stay where we are, Christian buried inside me as we catch our breath, his weight pressing me into the make-shift mattress.

"I love you Mrs. Grey. That was fucking amazing baby." I can't help my giggle. Christian pulls back and his eyes are dancing with amusement.

"Something funny Mrs. Grey?" He asks, a smirk tugging at the corner of his talented mouth.

"Just that 'Fucking amazing' doesn't quite cover what we just did." I smile, sliding my fingers into his sweat matted hair as I arc my neck up and lay my lips against his in a slow, deep and erotic kiss, I feel him stir inside me. I'm just about to make some sort of facetious remark when his eyes shift to my breasts and he licks his lips, I can't help but follow his gaze and see my breasts leaking profusely.

"Can I baby?" He asks me, looking into my eyes as his hand softly cups and caresses my left breast with his thumb. My mouth goes dry and my breath hitches in my throat, the familiar stab of desire ripples through my core and Christian gasps as he feels it deep within me. I can't do anything but nod with such an intense emotion that can only be described as deeper than a complete love and understanding of this beautifully wounded man. I can give him this, I can provide him with what he was denied at a time where he should have been someone's world but Ella faced harder struggles than I can ever attempt to understand.

"I love you baby, I'm going to nurse your breasts while I'm buried deep inside my happy place." He uses both hands to cup my right breast and seals his mouth around my puckered nipple and begins to suckle quietly. Warm serenity rushes through me, a torrid of peacefulness that I cannot begin to describe.

My muscles go lax as I sink into bliss, I hold onto my husband, running my fingers through his hair, my thumb caressing his temple as he nurses me and I feel my eyes starting to droop. Once my right breast has been successfully emptied he moves onto my left and I can't keep my eyes open.

As I fall into that place between sleep and awareness I hear Christian's soft, mesmerizing voice

"Shh sleep now baby, I love you." I do just as he asks, feeling his whisper soft fingers grazing my skin, lulling me sweetly to the blissful end of this perfect evening. And as I fall, I can feel only one emotion emanating from every pore of my being… which is pure, unconditional, unabashed love.

* * *

_What a monster chapter at a grand total of '17,309' words, not including my disclaimer or authors notes. Which makes it my largest chapter so far! I couldn't be bothered re-reading it all so if there are any mistakes, PM me and I'll fix them lol! x_

_ I could have ended it when they finished dinner but I didn't want to leave you all hanging in anticipation for the penetrative lemon heh. I hope you've managed to reach the end of this chapter because I know it's impossibly long. Please, Please, Please leave me a review… I like to hear your thoughts and opinions, if you have time tell me what you think, what you liked and didn't like etc._

_I'm sad to announce that there is only one more chapter left, then the epilogue. But don't fret, the sequel will be happening XD_

_With lots of love and impossibly long sex scenes…  
-S, xoxo_

_PS: Song used in this chapter is 'Underneath' by Adam Lambert, I love the melody and in my opinion the slow build in intensity is made for love making… I actually hadn't heard of the song or artist until Mobabe featured the song in one of her chapters, I hope you don't mind babe ;) xo_


	90. Chapter 90: Worth fighting for

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

**Song for the end scene at Bellevue: One plus One – Beyoncé.**

* * *

I try to blink myself awake, slowly adjusting to the soft light in the room. I try to snuggle back into the hard chest of my husband and go to sleep but he's awake… and kissing… my neck. It's still dark outside so we can't have been asleep for very long, music is still floating through the air, I'm sure the song is 'cover your tracks' by a boy and his kite, the melody is calming and soothing lulling us both into a peaceful state of tranquillity and love.

"I tried to let you sleep, but my need, my constant ache for you just got the better of me." He murmurs against my skin, pressing his hardness into my behind and I can't help but giggle.

"Still the best sound in the world." I turn around, lean down and kiss him with brute force. My hands are everywhere and he can do nothing but respond to my fevered touch.

"I love you so much baby." He manages to grunt out between hot, hard, possessive kisses. Before I know it he is looming over me, kissing a path from my chin down in between my breasts, pausing to kiss and nibble my nipples on the way.

"I need a little taste of you baby, then I'm going to give it to you hard and deep just like you wanted before. I'm aching for you Ana." He pants, kissing down my belly, running his tongue around my navel, kissing me from hip to hip before parting my legs and positioning them over his shoulders. He kisses down my right inner thigh, once reaching the apex he switches to the other side and I can't help but groan.

I lift my hips to entice him but he just slides his hands underneath me, cupping my cheeks as he tilts me for better access. His tongue gently licks along the length of my sex, nibbling softly, then laves at my engorged clitoris and I am panting, I just can't seem to get enough air into my lungs to withstand this delicious torture. I arch my back as I feel him insert a finger inside me, slowly pumping in and out before adding another digit to the mix.

"Oh god… yes… please!" I beg just as he starts to massage my sweet spot, my synapses are firing as pleasure shoots through my body.

"Baby, you have no idea how soft you feel against my tongue. So smooth and just delicious, mmm fuck." He murmurs with a moan against my fevered, wet flesh before diving right back in. I feel my legs stiffen as the pulling and tugging in my core is almost unbearable, and just as I am about to fall his magical lips, fingers and tongue leave, making me protest with a loud groan.

"Hush, it's okay baby. I just want to feel you come around me. I'll take care of you, I always do." He reassures and I try to catch my breath as he kisses his way back up my body, his lips glistening with my arousal. I grab his face in my hands as soon as he's within my reach and thrust my tongue into his mouth, tasting myself all over him.

"I love you, now please I need you inside of me. I need it over and over and over again. It's a lot of hours until morning Mr. Grey and I intend to occupy every one of them with you." He smirks down at me, resting his forehead and nose against mine.

"You have no idea how much that pleases me Mrs. Grey. I need you just as much, believe me." He whispers, kissing my lips sweetly before taking me by suprize and flipping me over onto my stomach and roughly pulling me up by my hips. I settle into a comfortable position on my knees with my head resting against my folded arms, and my chest against the soft blankets we're resting upon.

"Hold on tight baby, I'm going to fuck you very hard, and very fast." I grip onto the blankets we're lying on and without a second of hesitation he slams himself inside me in one swift thrust, jutting me forward and I gasp at the sudden intrusion.

_Oh my!_

"Oh fuck Ana, hold on baby." He pulls out and slams inside me once more, harder than before. I get lost in the sea of sensation, loving and cherishing every vicious thrust. Oh how I have missed this, no matter how much I constantly reassured him that he wouldn't hurt me during rougher encounters throughout each pregnancy, he just couldn't take me like that with our child protected in my womb.

_Oh fuck…_

"Yes, god Christian harder." I grunt out, my head resting against my arm.

"Reach between your legs baby, I want to watch you make yourself come while I fuck you." He grounds out through his clenched teeth. I gasp as another thrust jolts me forward and shift my weight onto my outstretched left hand and slip my right between my legs. I rub circles against my throbbing nub with my middle and forefinger, around and around as pleasure sparks from deep within me.

"Yeah baby, just like that." He growls from between his clenched teeth. He circles his hips so that I can feel his throbbing length on all sides. I can't help myself from reaching back with my other three fingers to feel him slide in and out of my slick center.

"Fuck Ana, oh fuck." He gasps, a strangled moan escaping him as he feels my fingers touching him. "Baby, I… fuck I'm close, come on Ana, come for me." I am almost there, but not quite so I apply more pressure against my swollen clitoris as he continues to pound me relentlessly.

"I'm gonna come Ana, fuck baby I c-can't wait… I'm coming, fuuuuuuck!" He's thrusts stutter but he keeps going as his body convulses and it propels me into an intense climax.

"Oh god yes!" I shudder and shake, still stimulating myself roughly with my fingers, prolonging my pleasure while Christian thrusts in and out of me slowly, rubbing out our joint release then collapses against me, pushing me into the floor with his weight.

Eventually the orgasmic haze lifts and I feel Christian peppering my back and shoulder with kisses.

"That was fucking amazing baby." He murmurs against my neck, running his hand up and down my thigh.

"How about round three?" He asks, bending my knee and pushing it upwards before slipping his fingers into my core and just like that, I'm desperate for him all over again.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

We stayed up the majority of the night, feeling and exploring each other, only passing out once our bodies were fully satisfied. Christian woke me with a very late breakfast, or rather lunch in bed, alternating between feeding me and himself off the breakfast cart which was laden with food; consisting of pancakes, bacon, eggs, French toast, fresh fruit and pastries… and only stopped feeding me when he realised I would either vomit or burst.

"I think I could probably sleep for a year after that feast Mr. Grey, but we need to get to your parents." I sigh as I get up but end up smiling because my body is deliciously sore.

"I'm sure we could stay for another few hours baby, I know mom and dad wouldn't mind..." He murmurs, lying on the bed in nothing but a pair of grey boxer-briefs and a semi.

"As much as I'd love another few rounds with your good self, I am dying to get to our baby boy. I know he's fine but, he's only six weeks old and I just want him back in my arms. Christian, it's almost 2 o'clock already, we need to get over to your parents baby." He tries not to pout while I smirk "Will a quickie in the shower sustain you until tonight?" I ask him, my hands resting on my hips as I stand in all the glory of my birthday suit.

"Now we're talking." He jumps up and lays a ringing slap on my behind, and I can't help but yelp as he continues into the bathroom, I follow him, rubbing the smarting skin of my left butt cheek with a satisfied smile on my face.

He washes my body with slow, soft strokes. Caressing every inch of my skin and all I can do is moan and groan my approval. With his lips pressed against the hollow of my throat his hands reach up, massaging my breasts before he gives a tweak of my nipples sending hot sparks of pleasure do my core. He attempts to back me into the corner but I resist, shaking my head.

"Uh-Uh Mr Grey, I believe it's my turn to wash you..." I say with a smirk and he answers me with one of his own.

"Be my guest baby, be my guest." His low husky baritone voice is giving me chills. I soap up my hands and rub circles on his chest as my lips trace his neck and throat… I absolutely adore this man. I move lower, running my hands over the hard ridges of his abdominal muscles. I sink to my knees and grasp his length in my hand. While pumping up and down the velvet soft skin of his erection with my enclosed fist, and once the soap is rinsed off, I teasingly twirl the tip of my tongue around the engorged purple head of his length, revelling in the primal growl that erupts from his chest.

He grabs my hair in both of his fists and slowly begins thrusting in and out of my mouth.

"Oh god… Ana, that's it baby, take me all the way!" I scrape my fingernails into the soft mounds that make up his sexy ass, pulling him closer to my body, allowing my lips to make contact with the skin of his groin.

"Fuck baby!" He groans as his thrusts speed up, becoming irregular and erratic and I feel his tip hitting the back of my throat as it twitches excitedly.

"Ahh, fuck… Jesus Ana, that's it… fuck don't stop baby." I sheath my teeth behind my lips and hollow my cheeks as I take the down stroke and on my way back up I bare my teeth, gently scraping them along his entire length.

_Here comes the explosion!_

"Yes, fuck, fuck, fuck take it all!" He hisses a sharp breath through clenched teeth as his orgasm ripples through his body, coming in thick streams all the way down my throat. Once I have wrung out every debilitating ounce of pleasure, he holds out his hand for me to take. He pulls me up and successfully, backs me into the corner of the large shower; it was right in here that he finally admitted what I knew all along, that he was capable of love, and that he loved _me_…

_"Yes. I do."_

His mouth lowers to mine, our tongues dancing a tango that's both new and familiar. I sense an underlying tone of reverence in his kiss, like he is worshipping me with his body, his tongue, his fingers, lips and length.

_Alright, we get the point, you don't have to list 'all the wondrous' body parts that he is worshipping you with._ My subconscious scowls at me but I actually don't give a flying fuck.

_Oh you are such a lady Anastasia, mother would be so very proud._

"I love you baby, I love you so much." He whispers as his lips trace my neck. "Wrap your sexy legs around me." He orders in a low, husky voice as his teeth scrape along my throat, and I do as he asks without a second of hesitation. His hands massage and knead my behind as I anchor my arms around his neck, kissing his lips softly as he slides into me, both of us groaning at the sensation of our bodies joining together.

"Still so tight sweetheart, god you feel amazing." He murmurs, his face tucked into my neck, kissing and biting softly on the wing of my shoulder. I can do nothing but absorb the wonderful pleasure his body brings my own.

"Ughhh, don't… stop." I breathe in a whisper as he frantically thrusts inside me, as if he's trying to find his way into my very soul. He hitches me a little higher so that he can clamp his warm, talented mouth around my nipple, suckling gently and nipping with his teeth.

"Ahh…" I moan, my nipples are particularly sensitive this morning, probably because I need to nurse. I would love to be able to feed Matthew myself this morning but I did have two glasses of champagne so I can't.

"Fuck, baby… I need you to come, come for me sweet girl." He growls, his thumb reaching down to circle the little bundle of nerves between my thighs and within mere seconds I fall spectacularly, my cries swallowed by his mouth as it closes over mine, battling with my ardent tongue for control.

"That's it baby, but I want another… can you do that for me beautiful? I want it; I need to feel you tighten around me one more time!" My head is lulling against his shoulder as I pant, I lift my head and rest it against the tiled wall of the shower and my neck arches at its own volition as he continues to pound into me and I feel myself start to build once more.

_Oh holy shit!_

"Ahh, Christian… I—I don't think I can come again, it's too intense. Oh please!" I don't know if I'm begging him to stop, or to never stop? Jesus what this man does to me!

His head is buried in my neck, and I can feel his warm breath hitting my wet skin, giving me goose bumps all over my body.

"Jesus Christ Ana, you feel fucking amazing… tight, warm, wet. You can come for me… all you have to do, is just feel it baby." He murmurs against my mouth. His jaw is clenched tightly, stopping himself from falling over the edge before me.

"I… I need you Christian, harder, oh please." For some inexplicable reason, I want him to possess me so completely that I don't know which way is up. He lowers my legs to the floor and turns me around to face the wall.

"Hold onto that rail tightly, this is going to be real rough… if I hurt you, you must promise to tell me baby, I never want to hurt you." He moves my wet hair to one side and kisses my right shoulder blade, moving upwards to nuzzle his nose in the crook of my neck, obviously waiting for an answer.

"I promise. I need you; I need you to fuck me hard." I sense his grin against my neck and without further ado; he pulls my hips back and impales me in one swift thrust. He moves fluidly, grinding against me, his wet, heavy balls slapping against my clitoris with every motion his hips make. His right hand holds onto my hip to steady me, while his other arm threads under my own and finds its way to my breast, kneading and massaging, pinching my long hard nipple; which sends sparks of white-hot need to my core. I am awash with sensation; my body, my blood is bubbling with passion from his proximity.

"Oh shit, fuck Ana; I can feel you trembling around me. Fuck… what you do to me. Come for me baby, I need you to come for me, hard." He begins ploughing into me, ramming himself into the place he calls his home and I explode, I see stars and my breath catches as the biggest explosion I have ever felt erupts within me.

"Ughhnnng, FUCK Christian." I feel tears streaming down my face as I shudder with aftershocks, my core still contracting rapidly.

"Oh Ana… I love it when you come. Hold tight." He moves faster, his thrusts uneven and tight as our bodies slap together… wet skin to wet skin. His lips and tongue caress my neck, my shoulder his hand still holding onto my breast as he thrusts rapidly.

"Oh fuuuuck, I'm coming, I'm coming baby." He stills, pouring his heart and soul inside me… filling me with his unconditional love and I can't breathe. I love him so much, more than I ever thought possible and with that thought firmly taking hold in my mind, I come again. My body pulsing and contracting as we both gasp for breath. I cry as he wraps me in his arms tightly, and together we sink to the floor, wrapped in each other, and in our blissfully true love.

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

After holding me, comforting me and questioning if he'd hurt me, we eventually get out of the shower and dress. I could tell that Christian was anxiously awaiting our reunion with our newborn son and his brother and sisters. Once we checked out of the hotel, he decided that he would be driving _my_ car and I couldn't help but roll my eyes, making us both smirk and burst into laughter.

He held onto my hand over the console, resting our threaded fingers on his thigh as we cruise along the I-5 to Bellevue. I have always loved Christian's parent's house. It has that wholesome family atmosphere that I constantly strive to have in our own home and I hope that when our kids get married, they will want what we have right now, a strong, unbreakable marriage and a family to look up to.

When Christian finally pulls up in the driveway of Grey Manor, Grace is standing at the front door with Olivia in her arms waiting to greet us. I quickly unclip my seatbelt and get out.

"Hello darling, you look… wonderful." She smirks with a mischievous glint in her warm eyes.

"Hi Grace, thank you… I feel wonderful!" I say as I wrap her and Liv in a hug.

"How are you princess, did you miss me?" I ask her as she reaches for me. I take her in my arms and kiss her curls.

"Mama, toys." She grins at me, pointing to the toy that Grace is holding in her hand.

"Dah…" She squeals excitedly, wriggling to get down. I set her feet on the ground and she runs to Christian as he walks into the house.

"Hi baby girl. Mama and I missed you soooo much." Christian says to Olivia in an excited voice as he holds her on his hip and tickles her ribs, earning squeals and giggles.

"Let's get inside… Elliot and Kate should be here any moment. " Grace says as she leads us to the den. Ted and Gracie are sitting on the large sofa, watching a Disney channel movie and my baby boy is rocking back and forth in his swing, sound asleep.

"I just fed him and put him down around ten minutes ago, so he'll probably be out for a while." She gives me an apologetic smile and rubs my arm. I want to pick him up so badly right now but I know that I can't, I'll just have to wait a little while longer.

"Hey you two…" I say to Ted and Gracie.

"Hey mom, hey dad." Ted says, in a disinterested tone not taking his attention from the TV.

"Mommy, I misted you. I misted you too daddy." Gracie says as we sit down and plonks herself on Christian's lap as soon as Olivia is on her feet and wraps her arms around his neck.

"I missed you too baby girl. What have you been up to with Grammy and Poppa?" He asks her, kissing her little button nose.

"Just playing and stuff. Oh, last night Grammy, Livvy, Aunt Mimi and me watched Cinderella. We had girl's night daddy."

"Did you have fun on your girl's night?" He asks her while running his fingers through her curls.

"Yup, we eated ice cream and lots of goodies… it was so much fun, I like sleepovers here daddy."

"Well I'm glad bug." Christian kisses her forehead.

"Ted, what did you get up to last night?" I ask my son who is intently watching the TV.

"Nothin' much. Played my DS, ate, watched TV, and went to bed. Then this mornin' Pops and me went out to the boat house and he showed me some stuff on the boat—he said he'd ask you if we could have a guy's day out on your boat… what do you think dad, please?"

"Well, I'll try and get something arranged; just the guys… okay bud?" Christian says as he takes Ted in a headlock and ruffles his hair.

"So, did you guys have a good time last night then?" Grace asks and I feel myself blushing fifty shades of bright crimson.

_Gee, not awkward at all Grace!_

"Oh, I'd say we had a good time, didn't we baby… it was a lovely surprize. In fact, last night was just what I needed." Christian replies smoothly and I sink back into the sofa.

_Kill me now. Just put me out of my misery._

"Hello gorgeous nieces…" Elliot shouts as he comes into the den, dropping down to his knee's just in time to catch Olivia and Gracie as they launch themselves at their uncle. He smothers them with kisses and tickles their ribs mercilessly, earning giggles and squeals of delight… and Matthew is still sound asleep. Figures, the one time I am itching to hold him, he is out for the count. Kate waddles into the den, plonking her but down beside me before slipping her ballet flats off her feet and groaning in complaint.

"Annnnahhh, I have Kankles… look." She points at her perfectly pedicured toes with a pout.

"I'm sure you'll survive sweetie. It'll all be worth it once you have baby Grey in your arms."

"Aunt Ana…" Ava puts Bella down on the floor and runs over to me, wrapping her arms around me for a tight hug.

"Hey sweet girl, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. Have you been good, still looking after Bella all by yourself?" I ask her with a grin on my face.

"Yup, Mom… I've kept my end of the bargain haven't I?" She say's to Kate who smiles lovingly at her carbon copy.

"You sure have sweetie, I really can't complain… Bella is a wonderful puppy and is house broken already." Kate smiles with her hand rubbing her bump.

"Hi everyone." Mia chirps as she comes barrelling into the den. Giving everyone a kiss and hug. She has such an adorable bump now at nineteen weeks.

"Hey Mia, you look amazing. You've got such a cute bump now." I giggle as I give her belly a little rub. "Are you having any cravings or anything yet?" That's all she needs to launch into a long conversation about the merits of Lucky Charms verses Marshmallow pebbles.

_Oh boy._

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

I am standing in the kitchen with Grace, helping her prepare lunch, which consists of feta cheese salad, plain salad, French bread cut to sub length, burgers, pizza, BBQ chicken wings. It's such a lovely day out; the sun is still glistening over the bay so we decide to eat out on the terrace. Grace and I lay everything out before calling for everyone to come eat.

Christian and Elliot get the kids set up at their own table, helping them plate up their food. Bella is curled up underneath Ava's chair snoozing in the late fall sunshine, probably patiently waiting for Ava to slip her something tasty.

Eventually, once the kids are settled and eating, Christian and Elliot join us.

"So… what's everyone been up too lately?" Grace asks, taking a sip of her chilled Prosecco Rosé.

"Well, Ana and I were talking a few weeks ago about planning a family vacation, the Steels, the Kavanagh's and the Grey's, including our extended family, Jason, Gail, Luke and Lacy of course."

"That sounds wonderful, where were you thinking of going?" Carrick asks.

"Well…" He turns to look at the kids, making sure they aren't paying attention to what we're talking about and lowers his voice. "…we were thinking of waiting until after you've both had the babies and take everyone to Disney World. I was looking at the hotels in Magic Kingdom and I know the kids would get a real kick out of having breakfast with Minnie and Micky mouse every morning." Christian grins, and I can't help but laugh at Elliot's completely elated expression at the thought of going to Disney world.

"Dude, that would be awesome. Man, I can't wait… think of all those adrenaline fuelled rides we can go on!"

"So, what do you all think, I mean… we won't be staying in Florida for the entire trip, we'll probably spend four days in Orlando, then we'll be heading down to Hawaii for ten days. Actually, one of the reasons we're inviting our whole family is because, while we're in Hawaii… Ana and I will renew our wedding vows. Now, it's alright Mia, mom… don't panic, once we get back you can throw a big party, if you'd like." Christian says as he sips his wine, his arm resting on the back of my chair as his fingertips lightly trace patterns on my exposed shoulders then leans in and nuzzles his nose into the crook of my neck, which makes me shiver.

"Oh that sounds absolutely wonderful and so romantic." Mia gushes, her eyes slightly tearing up which makes Christian chuckle.

"Hey, don't laugh at me… I'm hormonal." Mia pouts as she waft's her hands in front of her eyes trying to stop herself from progressing into full blown sobs.

"Okay, okay… I'm sorry for laughing at you Mimi. I guess I should know by now, to never laugh at a hormonal pregnant woman who is crying." Christian says as he goes over and gives Mia a huge hug. I hope that Ted has the kind of bond with his sisters as Christian and Mia do.

"It's okay, you're forgiven." Mia giggles as Christian wipes away her tears with his fingers and musses up her hair.

"Congratulations darling." Grace comes over and gives me a big hug, tears glistening in her eyes too, hell even Kate is trying to discretely wipe a few away. "I'm thrilled for you both, I am so glad he found you Ana, he couldn't have picked a better woman."

"Jeez, you guys are going to start me off next." I giggle, shaking my head as I squeeze Grace's hand in my own, giving her what I hope is a reassuring smile. Even after all these years, I still get an overwhelming sense of gratitude from my mother-in-law.

"So, what do you guys think, are you up for a little family vacation?" I ask, wiping my eyes as Christian sits back down and wraps his arm around me once more, ghosting his fingers up and down my arm.

"Well you can count us in bro, right Katie?" He asks Kate with a grin, his hand resting protectively over her bump as she leans up and kisses his lips chastely.

"Yeah, it sounds like a fun trip. Obviously Mia won't be due for another twenty-one weeks so how long after that will we be heading out on this vacation slash wedding vow-renewal?" Kate asks me, rubbing her bump.

"Well, it's what… four months until Mia's due and it's probably best to wait until the baby is a few weeks old, so say… five months' time which would make it March 2022." I say, pausing to briefly check the math.

"So, are we all agreed then?" Christian asks and everyone nods their agreement.

"I'll have Andrea look into making the arrangements. As soon as we have some date's we'll let you guys know." Christian says with a massive grin and raises my face with two fingers placed under my chin.

"I love you Mrs. Grey." He leans down and kisses my lips sweetly and chastely, his eyes shimmering in the late afternoon sun.

"And I you Mr. Grey, so very much. I peck his lips once more and settle into the arms of my husband.

"OH!" Elliot has a massive grin on his face and I flush bright red knowing what's about to come out of his mouth will humiliate me beyond belief.

"Elliot…" Grace warns but it falls on deaf ears.

"You two look considerably less tense, wana share with us why that is, cause I think I knoowww?" He smirks at us as he says it in a sing-song voice and I figure I'm going to be mortified regardless so I may as well be on my own terms.

"Probably because we had a lot of sex last night." I deadpan, and Elliot's jaw falls slack in shock at my apparent boldness, then the moment passes and I want to hide myself behind Christian who is pissing himself laughing.

_Bastard._

"I am shocked… I can't believe you just said that in front of your in-laws Ana Grey, you have no shame." Elliot says shaking his head in mock outrage.

"No, my dear brother-in-law, you're just shocked that I beat you to the punch." I smirk back and Elliot laughs.

"Touché."

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

After lunch, we continue to sit out on the back terrace; watching the kids running around like crazy, giggling as they chase each other and Bella, who runs right alongside Ava. I am snuggling in the arms of my husband in one of the comfy wicker love seats. Christian is talking with Carrick and Elliot about either sports or fishing as he takes a deep pull of his beer, I completely tune out of their conversation. His arm is draped around me, his fingers dancing lightly up and down my arm. My head is resting on his chest, above his heart and my arm is draped over his rock hard abdomen. I can't help myself, so I slip my hand under the hem of his t-shirt, tracing his happy trail, smirking as his heart starts to speed up. I'm just beginning to dose off when Mattie's cry pierces my heart as it transmits over the monitor.

"I'll get him for you baby." Christian kisses my forehead before getting up and going into the house. I look over at my sister-in-law who has her legs tucked up on the couch, her head resting on her hand as she picks at some invisible piece of lint on the arm of the sofa.

"Cheer up honey… when is he due back from his trip?" I ask Mia.

"Either late tonight or early tomorrow... it sucks because I miss him so much. I was sitting on the couch last night with my top pulled up above my bump. Ethan hasn't really felt the baby move yet since when it does happen, he can't really feel it like I can. It sucked because last night, the baby summersaulted and I could actually see him or her move and Ethan wasn't here." She replies in tears. I know the feeling, I hate when Christian has to leave on business trips, and especially so when I'm pregnant; it took me a long time to believe that he was actually going on business trips because of the affair though. I get up and wrap my arm around her as she cries. Elliot and Carrick look lost, and Grace is in the house showing Kate some stuff that she picked up for their new baby.

"Shh, it's alright sweetie, there will be plenty more opportunities for Ethan to see and feel the baby move. I know he'll be just as upset knowing he missed it. Knowing Ethan, he's probably sitting in some hot, stuffy conference room with a bunch of people he doesn't know, wishing more than anything that he was here with you. Turn that frown upside down and tell me if you enjoyed babysitting your youngest nephew?" She wraps me in a hug then wipes her tears.

"He was amazing, such a good baby. I can't wait until Ethan and I have this little one. I just wish that we got the courage to try again sooner, I mean… I'm not exactly going to be the 'young cool mom' now, since I'm old." She pouts and I shake my head.

"You're son or daughter doesn't need you to be 'young' to be cool. As long as she or he knows that you love them every single day in their life, then you are doing perfectly." I squeeze her in another hug and pull back and kiss her forehead. "Don't worry; you'll be an amazing mother Mimi."

"I know, that's what I keep telling her." Mia is up and out of my arms before I can even blink, and in the loving embrace of her husband with her head buried in his neck.

"How, when?" She asks, pulling back from his embrace slightly to see his face, she looks up at him with such adoration that it makes my belly flutter from witnessing their intimacy

"I couldn't bear to spend another second away from you, from the both of you more than I had to, plus your brother sent his jet to pick me up." He says, resting his forehead against her hair and one hand pressed against her small bump.

Christian smirks as he comes back outside with our son in his arms, wriggling and fussing, poor baby. My amazing husband looks so beautiful; calmly soothing our son as he rocks him in his arms then passes him over to me.

_Oh baby boy, mommy missed you last night!_

Mia comes over and wraps her arms around her brother's waist and lays her head over his heart.

"Thank you, I love you so much Christian." Christian rests his cheek on Mia's head and quickly kisses her hair.

"I couldn't stand to see you so pouty, I never could, and I love you too Mia." He pulls back and sits down beside me, leaning over to kiss our baby boys hair and then my cheek. I stare lovingly into the blue eyes of my baby. I can't stop myself from kissing his forehead, his cheeks and eyes as I inhale his clean baby scent. He cries and nuzzles his face at my breast, obviously wanting to nurse as I rock him in my arms.

"Its okay sweetheart, mommy's here. Shh, there we go." I quietly murmur to him and he eventually calms to a whimper.

"Do you want me to get your wrap?" Christian asks while stroking my thigh.

"I don't know, I mean… I had a glass and a half of champagne last night. It might not be out of my system just yet."

"I see, well maybe mom will be able to give you some advice and if you can't nurse can I feed my son his bottle?" He looks so hopeful and I can't resist his panty dropping smile.

"You can just feed him his bottle and I'll nurse later." I say as I kiss Matthew's cheek.

"Are you sure? I mean, what if he doesn't take it?" I can't help but chuckle at his apprehensive expression.

"I'm positive; if he doesn't take it from you then I'll nurse." I rub his arm soothingly. He's Just about to get up when Grace and Kate come back out and take their seats beside us.

"Mom, Ana had a glass and a half of champagne last night… will she be able to nurse?" He asks as he holds our son, briefly looking down at him before peppering his baby face with kisses.

"What time did you have your first glass at darling?" Grace asks.

"Oh… um, around seven fifteen, just before I called you to check on the kids. Then, I had a half glass at the hotel which was probably after eight."

"Honestly darling, it's perfectly safe for you to have a glass of wine or two and still nurse. The amount of alcohol that transfers into your milk is so minute that it's not a problem. Obviously, that isn't the case if you have three or four glasses but one or two won't harm or affect Matthew when nursing." She reassures me with a smile.

"Well, that makes me feel a lot better. So if I had a glass of Prosecco right now, and nursed Matthew, it wouldn't affect him?"

"No sweetheart, it wouldn't affect him at all. If you are worried about it, you can wait two hours after you've finished your glass before nursing. Sometimes, women who are struggling to make enough for their babies are advised to drink a glass of Guinness because it helps the body to produce more milk." Grace says as she takes an empty wine glass and fills it with the sparkling rosé Prosecco.

_Yummy…_

"I have tried Guinness and it's disgusting, plus I don't have the production problem at all." I giggle as I take the glass from her. I risk a glance at Christian and I'm relieved when he smiles at me and kisses my temple.

_Crisis averted._

"Mom, could you please show me where I can get a bottle for Matt?" Christian asks as he starts to get up.

"It's okay darling, I'll get it for you, just stay there." Grace says as she gets up and goes into the house. Mia and Ethan are snuggled up together on one of the loveseats, as are Kate and Elliot. I lean over and give Christian an open mouthed kiss below his ear, my tongue briefly skimming over his skin.

"Listen, if you aren't comfortable with me having a glass of wine, then I won't have one. I don't want you to worry about it affecting Matthew." I say with my head resting on his chest, one arm holding our son and the other wrapped around my shoulder.

"Mom said it was okay and wouldn't affect him so I'm fine with it. She is a paediatrician after all and I trust both her and your judgement. I love you Mrs. Grey." He whispers, and kisses my hair as I play with my baby's bare feet. It's a gorgeous early evening of rare fall sunshine, and Matt is super adorable, wearing a light blue footless onesie, I kiss his little toes as he looks up at his daddy, his arms are flying around as he starts to get agitated and impatient for his milk.

"It's okay son, your milks coming. Grandma's just getting it warmed up for you." He says as he kisses our sons smooth, soft forehead. His hair has gotten darker; it's now a deep chocolate brown that has copper highlights whenever the sunlight hits it.

"Hush baby boy, its okay…" I say as his cries get a little louder. My voice probably isn't helping as he sees me as his food source. Finally Grace comes outside with the bottle sitting in a jug of cold water to help it cool down quicker. She passes Christian a burp cloth, a bib and a dishtowel to dry the bottle when he removes it from the water.

"Baby, can you test it and make sure it's cool enough for him? I don't want to burn his little mouth." I take the bottle from the jug, wiping the bottom to get rid of the dripping water. I place my forefinger on top of the teat and shake the bottle vigorously before sprinkling the milk onto my wrist to check the temperature.

"It's perfect. I'll help you get him ready." I quickly tie the bib around my son's neck and lay the burp cloth across Christian's shoulder, he rests the arm that's holding Matthew on the armrest of the loveseat and once he is comfortable I pass him the bottle. He gently presses the teat on our sons bottom lip and it's completely adorable because Matt's head goes from side to side as he envelops the teat into his mouth and drinks hungrily.

I sit back a bit and watch the elated expression take over my husband's features. His silver eyes are shining with love as he watches our baby guzzle his milk. He pulls the burp cloth from his shoulder and carefully wipes away the trickle of milk that's escaping our son's mouth with a chuckle.

"Are you enjoying your lunch so much that you're drooling little man? You're such a big boy drinking your milk for daddy." Christian chuckles as Matthew grunts and groans happily as he drinks. I am just about falling asleep when Gracie and Ava come running over to where we're relaxing on the terrace panting heavily, and then I see Teddy walking over with Olivia in his arms sobbing.

"Mommy, mommy, we were playing with Bella and the ball and, Livvy was running and she tripted over Bella, and fell down and started crying. Teddy is comin' with her but she's got an owie on her knee and it's bleeding a lot mommy you have to hurry." Christian immediately stands up with Matthew, still feeding him his bottle and his panicked gaze falls upon me.

"Ana…" He looks so lost for a second; I reach across and squeeze his hand.

"Baby, she's probably scraped her knee. It's okay; I'll go get her." I get up and make my way across the vast lawn where Ted is carrying his screaming sister towards me.

"See, there's mama. It's okay Liv… see, there's mama." Ted murmurs to her, her little pudgy arms are wrapped tightly around her brother's neck.

"What happened button, did you fall down?" I ask her and she nods sadly, still crying. I reach out for her but she shakes her head, crying louder and holds onto Ted that much tighter.

"Tedted."

"Jeez okay, okay… I can't breathe. You're killin' me. You're reeeeally killin' me." He says in a tight voice which makes Olivia smile slightly.

"Sure you don't want mama Liv; she has bigger arms than me, plus you're kinda heavy." He gripes as he trudges across the grass, grumbling the whole time which amuses Olivia.

"Nao Tedted. Mine." She lays her head down on his miniscule shoulder as we walk back to where their father is pacing.

"Why is Ted carrying her?" Christian asks as soon as we're in earshot.

"Because when I tried to take her she started crying louder. She just wants her big brother I guess."

"Yeah, but the big brother is gonna pass out from exhaustion." Ted pants as he sits down with Olivia on his lap, she's snuggling her face into his neck and as a mother, it's absolutely adorable when your kids have a strong with their siblings.

"What happened baby girl?" I ask as I squat down in front of her.

"Fewl down on oof-oof." She says, pointing at Bella with a scowl.

"Oh, I'm sure she didn't mean to make you fall, it was just an accident. Where's your boo-boo baby?" I ask her, taking a peak at her scraped knee—which isn't all that bad, and only a little trickle of blood.

"Here… beeding boo-boo sore Ted." She points at her knee then pats Ted's cheek for him to see too.

"It's okay 'cause you're real brave Liv." Ted tells her and kisses her curls with a grin.

"Mama, fix boo-boo." She tells me before popping her thumb into her mouth and leans back against her brother.

"I'll go get the first aid kit." Grace says as she heads into the kitchen, a few moments pass and she comes back, handing me the green box. I grab some gauze and a tube of sterile water since there's a little dirt and gravel in her knee. I snap off the plastic cap and squeeze the tub of water over the wound, which washes away the dirt then clean away the dried blood. I pat it dry with a fresh piece of gauze and grab the pack of kids Band-Aids.

"Which one would you like big girl?" I ask her, showing her the selection of cartoon characters, although I know right away which one she'll pick.

"Dwora." She tells me around her thumb.

"Olivia Katherine, don't talk with your thumb in your mouth."

"Sworry mama." She says once she removes her thumb.

"Good girl." I place the pink and yellow Dora Band-Aid over her scrape and place a kiss atop of it.

"All better. You're such a brave girl Olivia." She leans forward to inspect her new addition then grins up at me.

"Me bwave dahh." She tells Christian with a toothy grin.

"You sure are puddin'-pop." He tells her as he burps Matthew. She doesn't seem to bother when other members of the family interact with her baby brother. It's only when he's with me that she seems to object.

Around an hour later, the sun is beginning to set so we all head inside. Olivia is about sleeping in her Grandma's arms but she's fighting it. Every now and then she'll close her eyes, but spring them open a few seconds later. Christian and Elliot are a little tipsy; ribbing each other about god knows what. Matthew is sleeping upstairs, but I have his monitor beside me and I'm absolutely exhausted. I lean my head back against the sofa, and close my eyes.

"Ana baby… are you alright?" Christian elbows me with a smirk and I know what's going on in that head of his.

"Just a little tired. I was up pretty late last night." I say in a low voice as Christian leans down and gives me a sloppy kiss that tastes of Corona.

"I bet you were!" Elliot laughs, oh well… maybe not so low then.

"Fuck off Lelliot." Christian tells him and giggles, he actually fucking giggles.

"Do you want to go home baby?" Christian asks me, leaning down and kissing my lips sweetly.

"Yeah, I'm tired." I say with a yawn.

"Why don't you all just sleep here tonight?" Grace asks us.

"Kate, do you wana spend the night?" Elliot asks her and she nods.

"Right now, I really don't care where I am as long as there is a bed available." She says with a laugh.

"Baby?" Christian asks with a hopeful expression.

"Sure, I am pretty tired. We have our stuff in the car from last night anyway." Grace looks to Mia who is out for the count, her head resting against Ethan's shoulder.

"We may as well stay too, save waking her to go home." Ethan says to Grace as he kisses Mia's hair. I look at my watch and it's just gone seven thirty.

Gretchen prepares the bedrooms while I get Olivia undressed and into pyjamas. She's absolutely exhausted. I settle her into bed and read her a story and before I've got two pages in, she's out like a light.

"Night, night baby girl." I kiss her forehead and tuck her in, flicking her monitor on and creep out of the room.

I go into the den, and give the kids their pyjamas. Ted goes into the bathroom to get into his while Gracie and Ava get changed in the den, it's actually a playroom for the kids but I just don't feel comfortable calling it that. There is a single bed, with a sofa that pulls out into a double so I quickly set up the pull down bed for Gracie and Ava with plenty of blankets and pillows, once their all changed I get them into the bed and switch on the movie.

"You have an hour before its lights out okay?" The murmur their agreement just as 'Escape from planet Earth' begins to play.

"We're sitting in the family room if you need anything. I have some goodies for you to eat while you watch the movie. Goodnight guys, I love you all so much." I lay the tray that's filled with different types of candy, chips and a bottle of flavoured water each. They don't get this much sugar often so I figure its okay to allow them to have a treat now and then. I give each of them a kiss goodnight, and turn out the big light leaving the lamp on since Gracie is unsure of the dark.

I go back downstairs to the family room where the guys are watching Mariners highlights and drinking beer and the ladies are chatting amongst themselves.

"Hey baby, did she go down alright?" Christian asks as walk past him, he throws his arm out which causes me to spring back into his lap and kisses me deeply

"Yep, out like a light. Two down, two to go." I whisper against his ardent lips, his hands make their way to my behind, cupping my cheeks and giving them a firm squeeze, which sends a flash burn straight to my core.

_Jeez his parents are in the room… have you no shame!?_

"Christian, baby… we're in company and right now we aren't acting appropriately." I whisper in his ear with a giggle.

"Right now baby, I don't give a fuck. I want you, so bad… when we go up to bed I'm going to f-" I clamp my hand over his mouth before he could say the words and mortify me. I remove my hand and give him a quick kiss before I extricate myself from his lap and sit down beside him.

I take Christian's hand in my own and twirl his wedding band around his finger.

"Mrs. Grey, I know I'm drunk but I really fucking love you baby." I giggle and shake my head as I run my fingers through his hair. He is kissing my lips, and nuzzling into my neck as he breathes softly and I know he'll fall asleep soon. I'm just about to ask him if he wants to go up to bed when Gracie comes walking in rubbing her tired eyes. Her pigtail braids are slightly lopsided and her head is fuzzy at the top from rolling around all day.

"Hey baby, what's up?" I ask her as I pull her up onto my lap and wrap my arms around her.

"I'm tired mommy but I can't sleep cause of the TV and Ted and Ava wana watch the end. Can I sleep somewhere else?" She asks, anchoring her arms around me and her head buried in my neck.

"Sure princess. Do you want to sit with me for a bit…? I haven't had my special mommy – bug time today."

"I missted having mommy-bug time today." She tells me then purses her lips for a kiss which I happily give her.

"I missed it too bug." I whisper as I pepper her cheeks with kisses. Christian is resting his head against my shoulder and his mouth is slack. I look over and giggle when I notice that Elliot has fallen asleep with his head in Kate's lap and Mia is asleep in Ethan's arms. Grace and Carrick are snuggled up together watching the end of the movie; I haven't paid a moment's attention to it though.

With Gracie in my arms, I twirl the end of her pigtail around my fingers as her eyes begin to get heavy; I know she'll be sleeping before long. Christian sits himself up a little and leans over to give his daughter a kiss on the forehead.

"I think we're going to call it a night." Grace says with a yawn.

"Yeah we are too." Kate says as she nudges Elliot awake, and Ethan gets up with Mia in his arms.

"Grace, are we sleeping in Mia's old room?" He asks, and Grace nods.

"Do you remember where it is?" She asks him.

"Yeah, thanks for asking us to spend the night. I know Mia has had fun catching up with everyone. We don't see each other enough these days. Well, night everyone."

We murmur our goodnights as Ethan leaves the room with Mia. Gracie stirs as Christian moves to get up and blinks her sleepy grey eyes open.

"Go back to sleep bug." Christian tells her as he kisses between her brows and looks up at me with an unnamed emotion in his eyes.

"Daddy…?" Gracie says in a raspy, sleepy voice.

"Yeah bug, what is it?" He asks her.

"Daddy… are you like Prince Charming?" She asks and sits herself up to look at her father.

"What's made you ask that sweetheart?" He asks her, leaning over to stroke her cheek and kisses her hair.

"Cause you look at mommy the same way as Prince Charming looks at Cinderella since she's his one true love. So are you like him daddy?" She asks with a frown.

"Well, mommy is my one true love… just like Prince Charming and Cinderella. Gracie, mommy is my fairy-tale come true and I love her with all my heart and soul—so if that makes me like Prince Charming then yes, I guess I am." I feel tears prick my eyes and I turn to look at Grace who is gazing at her son with a serene expression; I feel my heart melt into a puddle at my feet. Gracie yawns and holds her arms out to her daddy who pulls her onto his lap and stands up.

"Have you got her or do you want me to carry her upstairs?" I ask Christian but he looks steady on his feet.

"I'm fine I've got her." He tells me as we leave the family room to head upstairs.

"Goodnight darlings, we'll see you in the morning for breakfast.

"Night mom, are Ana and I sleeping in my old bedroom?" Christian asks Grace.

"Yes, the bed is prepared for you. You can take Gracie into the guest room next door to your room Christian." Grace tells us before kissing our cheeks and heading upstairs with Carrick. I need a glass of water to take upstairs with me so I quickly go into the kitchen and fill my glass with ice, the pour water over the top with two lemon wedges for a little flavour.

"Ready to head up?" I ask Christian who nods. Gracie's head is resting against her father's shoulder and she can barely keep her eyes open.

"Wait, I'll check and see if the movie is finished yet." I tell him, trying to push the door open silently to the den. The TV is turned off and both Ava and Ted are sound asleep. Ted is on the bed and Ava is asleep on the pull down.

"They're sound asleep love bug and the television is switched off. Do you want to sleep here or do you want to sleep in the room next to us by yourself?" I ask her, rubbing my hand up and down her back in a whisper as she rests her head on her daddy's shoulder.

"I'll sleep here." She tells us quietly. I pull down the covers while Christian lays her on the bed before putting the covers over her, tucking her in and gives her a kiss on the forehead, nose and cheeks.

"Sweet dreams baby-bug, I love you and I'll see you in the morning. We're just down the hall if you need us okay?" She gives her daddy a nod then snuggles herself down.

"Night princess pie." I tell her, kissing her forehead and we both leave the room. Matthew is asleep in the room across the hall from us and once we get into Christian's old room I place both Olivia and Matthew's monitors on the end table. We go into the bathroom and Christian undresses as I brush my teeth. Once I'm finished with the toothbrush I pass it to my husband with a smirk and remove the little make-up I have on. Once we're done we head back into our bedroom for the night.

"Did you have a good time tonight sweetheart?" I ask Christian as I undress. He is already lying on the bed with his arms behind his head wearing nothing but tight Calvin Klein boxer-briefs which make his bulge look delicious.

_Two can play at that game Grey!_

"Yeah, it was fun to let loose and enjoy family time. We have to do this more often." He tells me as I rub my moisturizer into my face, hands and neck slowly, making eye contact through my lashes the whole time. I revel in the fact that his Adam's apple just bobbed in his throat. I pop the button in my super skinny jeans, then another and another until I hook my thumbs into the sides and shimmy them down my legs. Christian is watching my every move as I whip my long t-shirt over my head, leaving me in gorgeous la perla lingerie set in pale pink. The boy short panties are made purely with fine lace and ribbons, as is the demi-cup bra.

Christian stares over at me, his mouth forming a perfect 'o' shape.

"See something you like Mr. Grey?" I ask him with a raised brow and a giggle.

"Oh most definitely Mrs. Grey. In fact, I don't like it… I love it! I'm coming over there to show you just how much I love it." He grins at me. I am standing beside the bed with my hands on my hips smirking at his drunken antics. He crawls across the bed until he's right in front of me on his knees and wraps his arms around my waist with his forehead buried into my breasts.

"Oh I fuckin' love your tits. They're juicy and scrumptious and one day, I'll fuck them." He tells me, his voice muffled due to the fact that his face is nestled in my breasts.

"Can I please, please fuck you? I know we're in my parents' house and everyone is in bed but I'd really like to fuck you in my childhood bedroom since I never got to do that when I was a teenager, please baby?" He looks up at me, his grey eyes slightly glazed over with a smirk hanging on the corner of his mouth.

"We've already fucked in here remember, at the Coping Together gala?" I ask him as I run my fingers through his hair.

"Yeah but, no one was in the house and had a chance of hearing us. It'll be fun, and you'll have to be quiet. Please, please, please with sugar sprinkles and cherries on top, I'll blow your mind baby." He smiles up at me then bites my nipple through my bra, which sends a shot of electricity to my core.

_Gah, drunk fifty is hot!_

"Are you sure Little Grey is up to the task, you are pretty wasted after all." I giggle at his appalled expression.

"I… baby never, ever call Big G, little… ever!" He scowls at me with a frown. "Big G is anything but little, see look at him standing tall and proud..." He looks down at his hardened length—which is poking through his boxer-briefs— and grins. "He's throbbing for you baby please don't make me go to bed with a hard cock." He pouts up at me and then slips his hand into my panties, stroking along the length of my sex.

"Fuck baby you are dripping for me." He hooks his thumbs into my panties and shimmy's them down my legs then removes my bra.

"Mmm, you have the bestest tits I've ever seen." He takes my nipple into his mouth and lightly sucks, then switches sides. Since I haven't fed Matthew, I know he'll have to help me out once we're done or my breasts will be hard and uncomfortable all night long.

"I love you Christian." I lay my mouth over his, suckling his bottom lip into my mouth then tug playfully.

"Sit down on your butt." I tell him as he's sitting up on his knees. Once he's complied I straddle him, fist my hands in his hair to pull his head back before possessing his mouth.

My tongue licks along his bottom lip, pressing lightly to gain access which he allows. Our tongues dual in an erotic dance until my pulse quickens and my core throbs. He starts trailing open mouthed kisses down my chin and along my jawline before moving down my neck and collar bone as his hands move around to my behind, taking my cheeks in hand and squeezing deeply.

"I love you." I tell him before taking his face in my hands. His eyes roll back in his head as my teeth graze the rough stubble of his jaw. My hand moves of its own volition, reaching into his boxer-briefs and pump up and down his length. My thumb stroking circles on the plush head of his erection, revelling in the spurt of pre-come I find there.

"I need you inside me." I whisper into his ear, my teeth tugging on the soft lobe.

"Baby, you are going to make me come in my shorts." He breathes as he stands up. He holds me with one arm and pulls down the duvet with the other before laying me down and pulling off his tight boxer-briefs, freeing his throbbing length which makes my mouth water and I can't help myself. I sit up and take him in hand, pumping up and down quickly. I lean forward and take the tip into my mouth, swirling my tongue around and around as my hand works the root.

"Jesus shit Ana. Don't make me come; if you want me to fuck you then don't make me come." He moans with his head tipped back and his eyes squeezed shut.

"Is your recovery time impaired old man?" I ask with a giggle once I've pulled him from my mouth, continuing to pump up and down.

"It is when I'm wasted… oh fuck." I squeeze his throbbing member once more before I lie back down. He takes a few breaths and looks down at me, his lips parted, his eyes dilated with desire and I feel like I can't breathe. I love this man more than anything in the whole world, in truth; he is half of me, my soul, my heart, my entire being.

"I love you Mrs. Grey." He whispers as he positions himself over me, balancing his weight on his forearms which are on either side of my head and his hands are threaded into my hair. His lips move over mine, slowly and passionately as he slides each delicious inch of himself inside me.

"Fuck baby." He groans once I am wrapped completely around him. I squirm, eager for him to move but frustratingly he holds me still with the weight of his hips against mine.

"Christian please?" I whimper against his mouth as his tongue laps along the length of my own.

"Shh, just feel." I arch my neck and he takes full advantage, leaving wet, sucking kisses down my throat, and across to the wing of my shoulder, briefly biting down. He lifts himself up a little, resting his weight on one outstretched hand, the other takes hold of my hip and slowly we begin to move. He rocks and pulls, each inch of him sending me higher. His scent engulfs and surrounds me as he fills me over and over again with his love. I close my eyes and surrender my body to the sensations only he can bring me.

"Christian please…" I moan, arching my back up to him as I meet him thrust for thrust, oh what he does to me.

"Hush it's okay, I'm here baby… always. Open those pretty blues; I need to see you come sweet girl." He grazes his teeth along my jawline as my eyes flutter open and connect to his. I gasp as I feel that thrumming electricity, still alive and alight between us after all the years we've spent together. Even after the affair debacle it never went away, it was just hidden for a while. I know that no matter what, we'll always connect, we were meant to. Some could call it fate, but it's more than that, so much more. Christian Grey was always my destiny and my happy ever after.

His mouth seals over mine as I detonate, his mouth swallowing my cries of pleasure, he thrusts another twice and stills as he pours his heart and soul into me. He collapses on my chest, his head tucked between my breasts as we both pant and catch our breath. I revel in his weight pressing me into the mattress. I run my fingers through his sweat-matted hair until we both calm down. After a little while of peaceful silence he lifts his head and looks into my eyes then grins.

"What's that smile all about Mrs. Grey?" He asks, nuzzling his nose just below my ear, which makes me shiver as his breath warms my neck. I take a deep breath and lift my head to meet his lips in a chaste kiss.

"I'm just happy Mr. Grey, completely and unbelievably happy. I can't seem to stop smiling because we made it. I know the last two years haven't been our best, but we got through it, and for the most part, we did it together. I love you so much it hurts." I murmur, feeling my eyes nip with unshed tears. He leans down and runs his nose along mine before sweetly locking my lips with his until I'm slightly dizzy.

"I know it hasn't been easy at times, but Ana… you are worth fighting for. What we have is worth fighting for and I'll never forget that, ever. I love you; you are my sun, my moon and my stars." His eyes are slightly glazed as he rests his forehead and nose against mine and I feel tears spill over my cheeks.

"Christian, my heart beats for you, my lungs breathe for you, my eyes see only you. You asked me when we first got together why I chose you over every other man that had come into my life and all I can say is that there was never a choice for me, because it's you, it's always been you." His eyes scorch into mine, he takes my face in his hands and kisses me with such passion and ferocity that I can't think, see or feel anything other than him.

"I love you. I adore you; you are the mother of my children and my soul mate Ana. I'd die without you by my side. You are mine, forever." He tells me and I nod my agreement.

There was never any doubt that I belong to one man, and one man only. I was always Christian Grey's from the moment I fell into his office and that's something that will never change, no matter what.

The end.

* * *

**A/N:**

_Okay, I apologize profusely for leaving you all hanging. I have never completed a story that I've written before and it was so hard to say 'okay, that's it finished.' So I wrote, re-wrote and re-wrote it over and over again until I was happy with the end result. _

_This is the last chapter of the story, of course we still have the epilogue and a few fun outtakes to post, plus we still have the sequel so this isn't goodbye, it's see you later ;)_

_I just want to thank everyone who has ever left me a review, even a mean one. It took me a long time to be able to tolerate harsh judgement but I got there in the end. I sincerely hope you have enjoyed taking this ride with me as much as I have enjoyed taking it with you._

_I'd like to thank my best friend for always being there when I need to vent, you are my number one supporter and I love you dearly Andrea aka An1drea._

_I'd like to thank LouisVuittonFreak for helping me a great deal in the beginning of the Broken Hearted journey, even though we've kind of drifted apart, you really helped me get this off the ground, and I'll always be thankful to you for convincing me that I have a knack for writing._

_To all my guest reviewers, please make yourselves an account so that I can thank you properly._

_To everyone on the FSOG super-secret club, I love you all you make me giggle snort multiple times a day and even cause me to pee a little because of all the giggles xD._

_If everyone who reads, leaves a review… you'll get the epilogue tomorrow XD._

_With lots of love, (and a little sadness that we're at the end) _  
_Susie, xoxo_


	91. Chapter 91: Revelations (Epilogue)

**All rights belong to E. L. James; story line is mines as are any additional characters therein. **

_So, I said if every reader reviewed last chapter then you'd get the epilogue. Every reader didn't review but lots of you did so I figured I'd reward you all for your efforts._

_I love you all so much, it's been a wondrous, long, emotional journey and I've enjoyed every single second and every tear I cried._

_Enjoy ~_

* * *

I finally make it back to my cell after cleaning the kitchens. It's not one of the best jobs in the psychiatric hospital slash prison but it's not the worst either. I'm lucky that I even have a job after all… if I didn't I wouldn't be able to afford to send letters once a week to Richard.

My son is amazing; he's the most adorable little boy I have ever seen, Richard sent me some photos of the both of them at his first birthday party, which was just a few days ago, September 8th. I can't believe that he's a whole year old, he and Richard look absolutely smitten with each other and I can see that he loves his daddy very much. I call him once a week to talk to him and find out how he is which is very good of Richard; he doesn't have to allow me that after what I done. I so wish I could see him, and hold him in my arms. I'd love to be a proper mother to him, a family with my son and his daddy. I wipe away my tears and chastise myself mentally, it's my own fault I'm not allowed to see him because of what I done to Ana and Olivia and I have no right to be upset about it. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to shut off the influx of hazed memories that float back to me.

I reach under my pillow and pull out the magazine I bought with some of the left over money Richard sent me a few weeks ago; I had to buy it because I need to know that they're okay after everything that I did to them, she was pregnant at the time I attacked her. I could have killed her and her baby and I just need to know…

**Another Grey Heir ~~**

_Seattle's favourite family added another new face to their ever expanding brood on the 31__st__ August 2021 at approximately 3:48AM. They welcomed the 7lbs 2oz little boy, naming him Matthew Carrick Grey, his middle name after Grey's adoptive father._

_Grey personally announced the arrival of their son outside the hospital with a look of complete and utter joy at becoming a father for the fourth time, informing the world that his wife does it au-natural, here's what he had to say on the matter._

_'Ana is the strongest person I know. We decided very early on in the pregnancy that best-case-scenario, she'd deliver naturally, completely natural with no pain relief as she did with our two girls and that's how she brought the baby into the world, the way nature intended.'_

_It's relatively unheard of for a woman to deliver med-free these days, and we take our hat off to Anastasia because many of us already know, childbirth isn't easy!_

I study the photograph accompanying the article with tears running down my face. Christian is wearing their son in some sort of baby carrier attached to his chest walking down the street holding Ana's hand and they are absolutely beaming with happiness. You can see their love surrounding them like an aura for all to see and feel. I can feel anxiety clawing in the pit of my stomach and I'm scared.

_But you shouldn't be, you know you can get yourself out of this, all you have to do is be brave!_

I just want this nightmare to end; I don't want to live in fear of what could happen to the people I love. I don't even know who the hell I am anymore. I was so stupid, so fucking stupid and desperate for happiness that I let myself get roped into this.

I grab a few tissues and dry my eyes, and try to get a handle on my fucked up emotions when I hear one of the nurses knock on my door and my heart starts hammering in my chest.

_Oh no._

"Allyson you have a visitor." He tells me with a smile, and I try to smile back but I can't move my facial muscles. I don't want to go because I know who will be waiting for me and I don't want to… but I know that if I refuse, they'll make it so much worse for me when they finally manage to get me or...

_Don't think about it, that isn't going to happen, we'll keep them safe... you can do it._

I don't want to go but I know I have to. I'm terrified of the consequences of failing, she made sure I knew what would happen if I did. During my time in this high security psychiatric facility I have had nothing to do but time to think, countless hours to pour over everything that happened after Christian reappeared in my life and I can only come to one conclusion; I am nothing but glad that I failed, the alternative would be even worse; because at the end of the day, Anastasia done nothing to me and the way I brutally and vengefully attacked her is disgusting, sickening and horrifying. Even as I did it, the only way I could get through it was knowing what would happen if I didn't and as I listened to Ana's pleas for help, the only way I could continue was imagining that it was my tormentor that I was beating, not Christian's wife and not the sweet little girl's mother… listening to that little baby cry was the hardest part of all, and it still haunts me in my dreams.

"Allyson… are you feeling up to seeing—"

"Yes, sorry… I was just thinking I guess." I say quickly, if I refuse it'll just be so much worse.

_They can't hurt you anymore, you're safe in here you know what to do, just do it. _But my son and my soul mate aren't safe so I have to comply.

I follow the nurse and he leads me into one of the private visiting rooms.

"Allyson, I'll just be waiting outside, just give me a knock if you're finished before your time is up." I nod and he leaves, that's not usual protocol so he must be getting paid to turn the other cheek.

I sigh as I take a seat in the chair, my forearms are laid upon my thighs and my head is bowed. I close my eyes and breathe deeply until I get to my happy place, the place where I'm at home with Richard and Oliver, we're happy and in love with each other and being parents but as I hear the sound of heels clacking and echoing through the hallway my delightful vision evaporates and I am so scared that I can't breathe.

The door opens and she tut's and walks over to me, standing at my side.

"You may look at me Ms Anderson." I slowly raise my head to the angry ice-blue evil gaze. The evil devil in sheep's clothing kisses my cheek, then cups my face and squeezes hard.

"You failed me Allyson. My, my, my… what am I going to do with you?" I don't say anything, I know not to, I can feel my heart gallop and I want to vomit.

"What do you have to say for yourself dear?" I still say nothing because I haven't been given permission to speak, I made that mistake only once and I'll never repeat it because I have the scars on my back that I got as a result.

"You may answer." I take a deep breath as the devil takes the seat opposite me and my eyes begin to tear up. Even though I know I can't be hurt while I'm in here, it's the psychological torture of knowing that my son is at risk and there isn't anything I can do about it, I can't protect him or Richard and it's also the torture of knowing that one day, someone will come into my room at the request of the person sitting in front of me and beat me black and blue, but I deserve that because of what I did, who I almost destroyed.

I take another deep breath and steel myself for what's to come, I'll endure it, I deserve it after what I done.

_You weren't thinking straight but some part of you knew… and you can stick this to the person in front of you, please do it._

"Please, I – I thought I'd succeeded. She wasn't supposed to survive what I did. I'm sorry." I'm not sorry though, I am nothing but glad that she is alive and happy.

"I helped you Ms. Anderson. I gave you the perfect opportunity to get your happy ending along with some much needed revenge for me, but you failed me, you failed yourself and Christian. You could have had it all right now." Venom laced in every word that's spat from the devils mouth.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, and bow my head once more. I feel a gentle hand caress my cheek before it's slapped hard, so hard that my head spins from the vicious force.

_Come on, you can do it… just do what you know is right, she should be in prison too!_

"It's no matter; I'll get someone to succeed your failure Allyson. Have you anything to say to redeem yourself? Hmm?"

_Just try… you know right from wrong just please for once do the the right thing._

I feel it clawing at me, pure white rage and I can't contain it. I feel every tie of control that bound me to the devil melt away until I am free… 'Redeem myself?' After almost beating a woman and her unborn child to death? I slowly lift my head and glare as I meet the devils gaze. I feel my lip curl into a growl as I grip onto the harsh touch and force it away from my face.

"Redeem myself?" I chuckle sardonically and shake my head. "I hate to break it to you, but Anastasia Grey is more woman that you or I will ever be Mrs. Lincoln and you are a fool to believe otherwise. I was depressed, lonely and heartbroken after Ana caught Christian and I together that night. You saw me leaving Escala in a rush and knew who I was and why I must have been there. You followed me home and approached me with your master plan to get Christian back for me and it failed, it was supposed to drive them apart but it didn't, they saw right through it, they saw right through you. So it was YOUR plan that failed. YOU failed and you manipulated me, you drove me crazy whispering in my ear and pretending you cared about my happiness and look where it's got me! It may have been my idea to get pregnant but it was you that funded the IVF, locating the perfect donor… it was all you and I was so desperate for happiness that I allowed myself to be taken in by your false promises.

Do yourself a favour and stay the fuck away from me. Stay away! It was really fucking genius to leave the shrine in the 'fake' apartment I didn't live in and the journal that you wrote as if you were me… but you see Elena, you may have had me terrified for my sons life the day I took Ana, and you may have had me bat-shit fucking crazy at that point but I had enough sense to stash away proof of your involvement and if you don't stay the fuck away from me I swear I'll bring everything out! You sit and say all of this shit like you were trying to help me find my happiness, but you weren't and I was too fucked up to know that I had it all along, I carried it inside me for nine months, you had me so messed up that I couldn't see it and I've lost everything now…" She smirks but it slowly fades when she realizes where I'm going.

"So you see Elena, when someone has nothing…" I lean in so that she can feel my breath hit her ear and I whisper softly.

"They also have nothing to lose. You were in this for yourself and yourself alone. I have had nothing but time to think and it didn't take me long to figure out that if I had succeeded in killing his wife, Christian would have destroyed me in a split second… but then it hit me like the proverbial tonne of bricks." I chuckle mirthlessly and shake my head in disbelief. "You thought that when I killed Ana, and Christian either killed me or had me locked away… you thought he'd come running back to you like some fucking lap dog? You stupid, old witch… he wouldn't touch you with someone else's dick!" And I laugh, nearly hysterically and when I eventually manage to stem my chuckles I get back to business, which is sticking it to this bitch.

"Your plan was to get me pregnant to drive a wedge between Christian and Ana and when that didn't work as you'd hoped you had to come up with something else, I mean… you're supposed to be a smart woman, you had to know that he'd do a DNA test and I don't know how I didn't see it before, that it was his reaction you were banking on. You'd drummed it into me repeatedly how important the birth of 'our' child was. That all 'your' hard work rested on that single moment and if anything went wrong and he doubted me I'd be screwed and I wouldn't have anything or anyone. You made me so scared of him asking for DNA and I got to thinking about it… and I realized that was your plan, you knew he'd ask for DNA and knew that I'd lash out and I walked right into it like a fool. I lashed out at Ana… and my son, my reason for breathing was taken from me and that's when you had me right where you wanted me, in the palm of your wrinkled hand since I'd already lost everything so what else did I have to lose huh? But there's one thing you didn't account for… one fact that you didn't foresee."

"And what is that?" She asks in a whisper, ashen faced and I revel in it.

"Remember when you told me I had to kill Ana since that was 'my' only shot of happiness and I refused?" I ask twirling a lock of my hair around my finger as her cold, dead eyes bore into mine; she doesn't respond so I just continue…

"The next day you called me and asked me to meet you at the café. At that point I still thought you were on my side, I thought you'd came up with another plan but something, something deep inside me told me not to trust you, that you weren't interested in me or anyone but yourself. So, my dear Elena I recorded our conversation, every second of it, every moment that you told me what to do to her. My plan was to tell you I'd do it, and then I'd take the footage to Christian's security guard and allow him to see it. But when you showed me the pictures of my husband and my son asleep in their bed, in the middle of the night, and told me you had someone waiting to end their lives if I didn't co-operate, well… you scared me enough to do your bidding. I have numerous copies of the recording in multiple places. You may have had Christian once upon a time you old bitch, but you'll never have him again. You say away from me, you stay away from Richard and Ollie, and you stay away from the Grey's and I might… I strongly stress 'might' consider letting this go. After all I am guilty for what I done, I was stupid enough to fall for your promises and your threats well no more, I have threats of my own and make no mistake if you make a single move towards them I'll know, and then your whole life will be down the drain. I'm warning you Elena… leave them be!" I growl at her, the old bitch's eyes are widened in shock. I press the buzzer to alert the nurse to take me back to my room.

"I swear… leave it Elena or I'll prove your involvement. Consider this as your one and only warning. If you continue on this path, you'll regret it and this isn't a threat… it's a promise." The nurse opens the door and I step out, giving the old hag one last threatening look. Right now I am shaking like a leaf but feel strangely empowered. It took for her to push me too far to realise that she only has control if I allow her to have it and a statement from long ago floats into my mind from when I was trained to be a submissive.

'_It's the sub who holds all the power.'_

Once I'm back in my room, the adrenaline wanes and I know that ultimately, I only have one choice… I have to tell Christian. I have to finish what Elena and I started, I have to protect Ana. I don't know how I can get him to listen to me but I do know that I will protect her, even if it's the last thing I ever do.

To be continued…

* * *

_I am off to run away and hide now._

_I am really sad that the story that has had such a big part of my life is over, I'm getting a little emotional; after all… Broken hearted has been like therapy for me. I just want to thank each and every one of you for reading this story. I still can't believe how much support I have received from you all, and thank you for every single review and private message you have sent me. I appreciate it so much._

_I know I have ended on a rather large cliffy but don't worry. There WILL be a sequel where we'll deal with the revelations in the epilogue. We'll also have Christian and Ana's renewal of vows, the trip to Disney land, Kate and Mia's babies being born and lots of family fun. I want to stress to everyone that there will be no more cheating for the characters of the Broken Hearted series… I promise! _

_Oh yeah and how can I forget…_

_There will be millions of SEX in the sequel. I have written a few chapters but I want to build up a supply so that way you'll get more frequent updates. Right at this moment, I'd say it will be no more than two weeks before the first chapter is up…_

_I really want to hear your thoughts so please, please, please review… even if it's to tell me you hate it lol (in a civil way… I have no problem with criticism as long as it isn't written in a nasty, disrespectful way!)_

_Lots of love and a thousand kisses  
S, xo_

_PS: Massive shout out to An1drea my best friend, just for being awesome and my rock through everything. I love you like Marilyn loves diamonds girl! ;) _

_ I also want to thank LouisVuittonFreak for supporting me through the 'nurture & development' stage of this story. _

_Oh yeah, and I will also be posting a few outtakes in this story. I had a few idea's that didn't fit within my timeline and/or what was happening at that point so I'll post them on here…_


	92. ANNOUNCEMENT!

**~o0o~Broken Hearted~o0o~**

Hi Everyone!  
Just a short note to tell you all that the sequel has been posted and is titled 'Fifty Shades: Whole Again.'

Thanks for reading BH, it has meant to so much to me and I hope you'll all join me for the continuation of my interpretation of our beloved characters!

Love & Laughs  
Susie, xo


	93. Chapter 93: For guest!

This is for the guest reviewer who couldn't find the sequel.

If you click on my name 'SusieCC' where it tells you who wrote the story, you'll find the new sequel. If you still cant find it, type out the fanfiction website's address and paste the following onto the end of it:

/s/9437350/1/Fifty-Shades-Whole-Again


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